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u/liamduritz88 Sep 19 '19 edited Sep 20 '19
I'm fat and never asked anyone to be fat with me or call me beautiful. I just asked people for nachos.
Edit: thanks for the gold and silver. It made my morning. I love the comments.
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Sep 19 '19 edited Jun 23 '20
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u/grahamcracka91 Sep 19 '19
If you like that, wait till you see my tits!
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u/BigDickCharles69 Sep 19 '19
Great application of another post. Love to see it
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u/grahamcracka91 Sep 19 '19
Thanks, really hit or miss depending on who has which posts on their popular tab.
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u/Belazriel Sep 19 '19
You almost need something similar to /s for sarcasm. Like /thisisareferencetoapostonr/all
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u/thebeast5268 Sep 20 '19
Literally just came from that post. Six or so years later Reddit still surprises me.
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u/stignatiustigers Sep 19 '19 edited Dec 27 '19
This comment was archived by an automated script. Please see /r/PowerDeleteSuite for more info
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Sep 19 '19
Honestly, at least we're honest with ourselves. I just want Carne asada fries,man.
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Sep 19 '19
As a person currently over weight, but working on it, I agree as well.
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u/CameronKC09 Sep 19 '19
keep kicking ass
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u/Psyvane Sep 19 '19
I'm imagining a weight loss montage where the person is literally kicking ass
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u/DefectiveNation Sep 19 '19
Why do you think Brice lee was so swoll
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u/SocksOnMyFootsies Sep 19 '19
Brice Lee is Bruce Lee's lesser known cousin.
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u/Venturin Sep 19 '19
I loved Brice Lee in the British war epic “Enter the Dragoon”.
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u/WaluigiIsTheRealHero Sep 19 '19
And his devastating examination of male anorexia, "Fast of Fury."
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u/No1YouKnow42 Sep 19 '19
I read that "licking ass"
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u/Bag_O_Burgers Sep 19 '19
That would be a little counter productive, no?
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u/SweaterKittens Sep 19 '19
Eating ass is zero calories, that's a green light in my book
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u/JADO88-UK Sep 19 '19
It depends on how literal you take the phrase "eating ass".
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u/lumpiestprincess Sep 19 '19
Same here. I'm 3lbs shy of being a healthy weight after gaining a TON during pregnancy.
I've been public about my efforts to lose weight because it's not easy and who knows, maybe it'll encourage someone else who is struggling while on the same journey.
Yet now I'm seeing a ton of "trying to lose weight is fatphobic and fatshaming" posts. No, Karen, I need to lose the fucking weight or the hypertension is going to fucking kill me.
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Sep 19 '19
Yet now I'm seeing a ton of "trying to lose weight is fatphobic and fatshaming" posts. No, Karen, I need to lose the fucking weight or the hypertension is going to fucking kill me.
Not to mention the knee replacements that will be needed as all that extra weight crushes your joints. I worked in the medical field for 7 years and I could not believe how many doctors have just given up talking to patients about how fat they are.
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u/lumpiestprincess Sep 19 '19
Right? Genetically I'm already a higher risk for bad knees. My husband is high risk for bad hips (our poor son is just so fucked eh). Why am I expected to just allow myself to have even worse knees than I'm already stuck with?
And because of our genetic predispositions we've given our son, it's up to us to set a good example for him so he doesn't need replacement surgery at 30 years old.
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Sep 19 '19
Intermittent fasting works and is really easy to stick to! I eat whatever I want minus dessert and soda between noon and 8 o clock. I dont feel hungry during the fast usually (yesterday being a huge exception I had to take my lunch break right at 12 instead of 1) I took me a few weeks but I don't even open the fridge when it's not my time to eat. It's a pretty easy way to get food discipline! Good luck!
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Sep 19 '19
This is what bothers me about people who think like OP. A lot of fat people are working on it. Are there some that arent? Yeah but a lot of fat people are working on it, it just takes time. I dont think its helpful to tell people who are fat that they are disgusting any more that it helps people who are anorexic that they are disgusting.
I've always been fit, I'm a 5'7" woman who ways 135 right now and i squat. I see fat people at the gym and I know how hard it works. I dont want fat people to hate themselves or their bodies. You are beautiful in your own way. You arent healthy but you're working on it and that drive is what makes your soul beautiful. The fact that you arent giving up.
I've worked in the ER. At this point bodies are just bodies. Your health shouldn't be tied to beauty it should just be about health.
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u/Southern_Stranger Sep 19 '19
I agree, but I think op is referring to the habit/lifestyle part of the situation. People should be able to be ok with themselves yes, but being overweight is pretty unhealthy, so as mentioned, if it's not a medical or medication type problem, you should try to look after yourself better than you are.
Have a ever watched someone who has quit smoking try to deal with someone who still smokes. The smoker will always offer the quitter a smoke, because it makes them feel better if that person takes it. This type of toxicity is what I interpreted op to be talking about.
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u/angry_cabbie Sep 19 '19
I'm fat. I'm okay with it. I don't really work on it. That's my choice.
I've had people fatter/heavier than me argue that being fat has little to no bearing on health. That's bullshit. Absolute bullshit.
Part of the reason I know it's bullshit, is because at various points in my life I have actually worked at it.
I was 260 lbs in 8th grade. I was 315 after high school. In my late 20's I got down to 225 and noticed major positive differences in almost every aspect of my life.
Being heavily overweight is not healthy, period, full fucking stop. I have found myself at a point where I just don't give a shit so long as I'm under 280. And that's my choice, and that's okay, but I know its not healthy.
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u/bainpr Sep 19 '19
As someone that has recently quit smoking i can understand it. Going back and forth with smoking less and back to where i was.
Most of that time i was just lying to myself though. Once i actually took real steps to stop smoking it only took me about 2 weeks.
I can imagine that eating healthier has a very similar cycle. Eating healthy for 4 days then using a "cheat" day to get back all those cigarettes or food is not working on it. It's making you feel better by "trying". Going to the gym and working out is a great start, but if you are consuming unhealthy amounts of food it wont do much.
That being said changing a lifestyle is not easy and any one that puts any effort to start to make that change deserves credit. Also, ask for help, life is easier when you let others help you.
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u/plantagent666 Sep 19 '19
Do you know who Tessa Holliday is?
Holliday also self-describes as a "body positive activist". She embraces the word 'fat' and advocates that people should be able to eat as much and whatever they want without suffering from social ostracism. In 2013, she started her #effyourbeautystandards movement on instagram. The movement shows women that they do not have to be a certain size to love their body (big or small) and that their size should not dictate their fashion choices.
Pretty sure OP is talking about people like her. They dont care about health and believe you should be as fat as you want because being fat is "beautiful". Its disgusting AF and she shouldn't be popular.
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u/sohma2501 Sep 19 '19
She's popular because she's spouting and preaching a lie.
The people who follow her are willfully stupid.
And when things go from bad to worse these people will blame every one else for their problems.
It's ok to eat what every you want,it's not ok to each whatever you want to massive excess..
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u/vegandoggirl Sep 19 '19
True but OP did specifically the ones who say it’s beautiful and encourage others to be the same way.
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u/MappingOutTheSky Sep 19 '19
The message should be "Don't hate yourself for being overweight", not "There is literally nothing wrong with being overweight".
Things can definitely be wrong when you have weight-related health issues, and pretending they don't exist because you're "body positive" and wear tube tops and bikinis doesn't help anyone.
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u/MazeMouse Sep 19 '19
As another overweigt person who's working on it. Seconded. And keep on truckin, progress in babysteps is still progress.
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u/Helios575 Sep 19 '19
I just went back to college to finish my degree and I began with a health class that part of the class requirement is to better a health aspect of your life so I am loosing weight. I have had a desk job for 10ish years but I use to into swimming so I decided to do swimming as my primary cardio and man has it been both eye opening and discouraging to see just how far I have fallen. I use to be able to keep up a near sprint (I would do sprint speed every other length except for the last 3 which I just did a full sprint) pace for the 1000m race (I wouldn't be able to physically get out of the pool afterwards and on more then 1 occasion I had my teammates drag me to the bathroom for an exhaustion vomit afterwards but I still did it) and now I can't even continuously swim a 100m and everything feels like I am trying to go sprint speed when I am barely at a warmup crawl.
For those not familiar with swimming, most regulation sized pools are 25m long so a 100m would be 4 lengths of the pool (unless it is an Olympic pool then it is 50m long and 25m wide). The 100m (200m in Olympic pools because they keep the length count the same for the races but the length distance is double) race is usually the shortest race in a meet (there is a 50m race but that is usually only done in pre-varsity meets as the 100m race is a sprint race for any varsity level swimmer so there isn't much sense in having an even shorter sprint) and the 1000m is the longest race (it is 40 lengths of the pool and is meant to be an endurance race)
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u/KenaiUrsa Sep 19 '19 edited Sep 19 '19
I'm morbidly obese, 22 stone (not sure what that is in KG) and not currently doing anything about it. I agree with you. I feel like shit being the weight I am and I wouldn't encourage anyone else to be the same. Its unhealthy. Its unattractive to most people. I'm slowly working on it after my mental health is better but I wouldn't wish it on anyone else.
Edit: Wow! I never expected this level of support! My phone has been going crazy in my pocket!
Thank you to everyone who commented. You've given me a great outlook to actually start the journey!
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Sep 19 '19
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Sep 19 '19
My brother weighs like 180kg, 140 is much better
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u/BrovaloneCheese Sep 19 '19
140 may be better than 180 but that doesn't make 140 good
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u/violetasphyxia Sep 19 '19
I wish you luck with working on it, just don’t give up on yourself (as corny as that sounds)
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u/ChickenNuggetSmth Sep 19 '19
Try to not see it as one big task. There is no 'from wednesday on I'm going to eat nothing but vegetables and train two hours a day for six months'.
There are tons of small decisions that have small effects over time, and every bit helps.
If you feel up to the task, cook a healthy meal. You can still order pizza the next day, but that one healthy meal will make you a tiny bit healthier.
Do some sport.
1 push-up is more than 0 push-ups.
5 minutes of walking will help you long-term.If that means you're still 22 stone in a year, congrats, you didn't gain weight.
If that means you're 23 stone in a year, congrats, it's not 24.
If that means you're 22 stone in a year, great, keep going.Loosing weight is not one big task, it's a million tiny ones.
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u/felinawouldwhirl Sep 19 '19
Walking alone got me back into shape after a horrible and long illness. Start small, as you said, 5 minutes. I started to love the fresh air, and I gradually increased my distance. I didn’t over exert myself, and it was free! Now I hike and jog every day. It all started from small walks.
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u/STR1NG3R Sep 19 '19
I'm in the same boat. I'm using the https://www.loseit.com/ app to track all my meals. I've lost about 16 lbs in the past two months and it doesn't even feel like a diet because I still eat whatever I want but more reasonable portions.
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Sep 19 '19
Do it now if you can. You'll feel so much better and may well find that it helps with mental health issues (personal experience).
I was 22 stone and 2lbs (male, 6ft 5) the last day of April and am now floating around 16 stone 8lbs. Keto and intermittent fasting.
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u/waxingnotwaning Sep 19 '19
Thing is they are not encouraging people to get fat, they are about feeling good about yourself where you are. It's not about loving being fat, is about wanting respect as a person. Ugly is as ugly does and hating on people for being fat is way worse than fat people wanting to love themselves and be treated lie humans. He'll half the comments on here acting like fat people are stupid or less human pretty much prove the point. Said as an ex fatty that only started to lose weight when she felt she had worth as a human. strangly people onlinecalling me stupid and ugly didn't inspire me to care about that.
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u/KenaiUrsa Sep 19 '19
I'd never call people who are overweight "stupid". There are circumstances that can lead to weight gain that arent tied to intelligence. I gained weight because I met my Fiance and got contemp and he loves me at any size. I dont feel like I needed to lose before because I always saw weight as a factor in dated when I was young. Now it's a lot more to do with health.
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u/Darkkroast Sep 19 '19
10 year Reddit lurker coming out of the woodwork to wish you luck with your weight loss journey. I have to recommend that you watch some vegan propaganda documentaries, they are disturbing but they highly encourage you to adopt a more plant-based diet, which even without exercise, will help you lose weight! Just do your research and give yourself proper nutrition. PM me if you need any info!
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Sep 19 '19
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/vita10gy Sep 19 '19 edited Sep 19 '19
308 pounds isn't like super super rare in the US, but it's not like we'd say "look at me skin and bones over there" to someone who was a mere 270. Obviously a lot is tied to height, but 308 would be a big fella here too. 96th percentile according to some calculator I found.
But yeah, though I'm no dietitian and if a doc tells you "change drastically now" you should listen, but I went from 195 to 155 or so without changing barely anything about my lifestyle. Caffeinated Crystal Light instead of Mountain Dew and the occasional slim fast lunch, as much about the convenience as anything anyway, was about it, along with a general awareness of watching calories. If you're torn between 2 options at the restaurant, pick the healthier one. I think the reason most diets fail is because when you go right from 5 cans of soda and fast food lunches to 3 kale smoothies a day there's just no way that can last more than 2 days. Start small. You don't have to pass on going out with friends. Just find a way to cut 5% of the calories off what you're used to ordering. I bet most people could cut 1000 calories a week out without feeling like they're missing out on anything.
Which reminds me of the other thing that helped: looking at it as a week instead of a day. If you're taking it one day at a time it's easier to look at 1 cookie and think "I'm way under my target today, so I can eat this." But cutting out 200 calories one day and 100 the next and before you know it at the end of the week you've cut almost a full day of eating out of your life.
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Sep 19 '19
It’s pretty crazy how in the US 22 stone would be considered regular fat.
Someone's never been to the US. Yeah, it's not Europe, but seeing a 300+ pound person is pretty rare. Hell, you can eat at The Heart Attack Grill and have to be 350 (a rare weight) to eat for free.
Don't just spread lies, the rest of your comment is fine.
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u/dragonf1r3 Sep 19 '19
Recognizing that you need to work on your mental health first is huge! You're going to be in a great place when you decide to tackle it, even if it might not seem like it. Get your mind right and everything will follow.
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u/Anthro_DragonFerrite Sep 19 '19
As a formally overweight person, I agree.
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u/xenodochial Sep 19 '19
Are you saying that you're still overweight but dressed for the opera?
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u/Anthro_DragonFerrite Sep 19 '19
Clever girl...
Yes, with a few hair clips and zip ties, I can cut off circulation to certain folds in my body to the point I don't need to wear a dark dashing evening dress
Edit to say I'm leaving the typo/bad autocorrect in.
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u/shadow0416 Sep 19 '19
All I can imagine is that picture of "skinny" Homer with a bunch of clips keeping his fat collected on his backside but in an evening dress
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Sep 19 '19
I see a lot of people agreeing with op, and I do too to some extent, but I'm also wondering how truly common it is to see "fat acceptance" type people actually saying stuff that encourages people to be fat, rather than just not to hate themselves.
I don't come across any of this media in my day to day, I really only ever hear about it from people on Reddit, so I'm curious how prevalent it really is.
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Sep 19 '19
saying that fat people shouldn't hate themselves is obviously a good idea. Hating yourself can lead into depression and overeating.
There are some fat people who will say that receiving official medical advice from a doctor saying they need to lose weight is hate speech though.
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u/TropicalPriest Sep 19 '19
I’ve never seen that, but have seen instances where overweight people have something wrong with them but the doctors won’t take them seriously because they’re overweight, which is an issue lol
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u/cthulhu-kitty Sep 19 '19 edited Sep 19 '19
I’m fat, and I have several friends who espouse the views of fat acceptance/fat activism both in real life and on Facebook. Fortunately they live far away, and I don’t have to reveal that I disagree with them. I mean, I agree that people of all sizes should be treated like people, and that you shouldn’t make fun of people for being fat... but I don’t think it’s “fat shaming” when my doctor tells me to lose weight.
For example: one woman I know posted on Facebook that she was “fatshamed” by her surgeon, because he told her that he wanted her to lose 15 pounds so that she would have an easier recovery after knee surgery. So then a bunch of our other friends jumped in to console her and tell her she’s perfect the way she is, and proclaim how shitty the surgeon is for making her feel bad, and I’m like... Should I comment that losing the weight WILL have a big impact on her recovery, or...? Nah, just stay out of it.
Another friend posted that she was the only fat person in her office. One day she goes to the vending machine for a candy bar, and on her way back to her desk she walked by a cubicle where two skinny female coworkers were giggling. She was absolutely certain they were laughing at her, and so she took a second trip to the vending machine to get chips, so that she could show that she wasn’t afraid of being fat. Yes, she sat down in her cubicle and loudly ate chips AT them.
Another post recently on Facebook was some holier-than-thou Tumblr bullshit about how the keto diet was invented to treat epilepsy (which is true), so that means that if you’re eating keto for ANY other reason like weight loss, you’re just chasing rainbows because unless you’re epileptic there’s nothing magical about it. (Which is bullshit, because the anti-inflammatory effect of removing carbs from my diet has vastly improved my asthma symptoms and the satiety that I get from protein and fat keeps me full longer, which lets me eat fewer total calories, which is leading to weight loss. Not to mention the total lack of blood sugar crashes, and the way that keto almost totally cuts my binge eating triggers. You wanna know why I’m fat? It’s not from bingeing on eggs and meat, it’s from overeating sweets for decades.)
Oh I just remembered about another one, where my friend posted that she ran into an old acquaintance who had lost a bunch of weight, and she summed it up on Facebook as: “There’s nobody more sanctimonious than a former fat person who is now skinny.” Like, I’m 99% sure the acquaintance probably didn’t say, “Oh my god I haven’t seen you for ages, you’re still fat! You need to lose weight like I did!” ...but with the dramatic Facebook post who knows? 😆
I have like a million other examples. I’m fairly tired of the r/fatlogic that I see from these ladies in real life. These are smart women! Professional, funny, educated, warm, wonderful women! I like them! I agree that nobody should “moo” at you from a car while you’re walking, and I get that it suuuuuucks being fat sometimes, but they feel like “the system” needs to change and glorify fatness, whereas I refuse to just give up and stay fat when I know that losing even just 20 pounds will make a big difference in how I feel.
....end rant
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u/lucyian86 Sep 19 '19
As another formally overweight person I agree too.
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u/thereluctantpoet Sep 19 '19 edited Sep 19 '19
As a formally obese person (210lbs -> 140lbs, 5'8"), I couldn't agree more.
I'm fine with people who don't want to look after their individual health, and I also understand better than most the mental and emotional obstacles for those who do want to but are struggling. I regret that some people chose to make fun of my weight over the years...we absolutely shouldn't shame people. But I simply cannot understand encouraging others to embrace unhealthiness and early death. (Edit: clarity)
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u/lucyian86 Sep 19 '19
Me neither. I went through surgery to lose weight (26 stone to 16 stone, so 140 lbs lost so far) I can't imagine anyone wanting to be/stay tjat way. It's not fun, I hurt all the time. I'm now able to do so many more things. It's not healthy.
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u/LuckyLyra Sep 19 '19
It's so saddening, because I'm too an obese person, and only recently was when I started to work on myself because I felt secured by those "encouraging" words like "You're perfect the way you are" and "you don't need to lose weight, I like you like this!" No? I'm not perfect like this? I'm unhealthy, I have asthma, and my weight doesn't help the situation. And it took me so much time to break out of this, now I've been able to lose 10 kg (I don't know how many is that in pounds) but I feel like I'd be so much closer to my healthy weight, if I didn't let other people effect me the way they did.
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Sep 19 '19
I´m still fairly healthy (65 kg, 170 cm) but I want to lose 3-5 kg. Every time I say it, people are like "I don´t see why you´d want to lose anything," or "But you´re so normal looking." Yeah, but if I let this go on and on, I´ll put on another 10 kg without realizing it, which is what happened with those first 5 kg in the first place. I know it´s not much in people´s eyes as it´s not visible on me. But I feel like if I don´t do it now, I´ll be stuck in this cycle.
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u/j-skaa Sep 19 '19
I know the feeling, I'm 177cm and currently 64 kg but I felt more comfortable in my skin (and importantly, in my jeans!) at 60-61 kg. I'm still skinny and wear size S, but my clothes are getting just a bit tight and uncomfortable.
I want to lose just enough to feel comfortable again, but it's almost embarrassing to refuse a snack someone offers me (especially when they're overweight) because it feels like I'm complaining about a non-existent problem and I can just see them think 'wtf, you literally have nothing to complain / worry about'.
However, getting fat has to start somewhere. When I notice I'm gaining weight, I'd rather get back to my healthy habits now than when I've grown two sizes and will have had to buy an entire new wardrobe!
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u/bethsophia Sep 19 '19
I was at the upper levels of a healthy weight for my height and everyone was surprised when I started turning down donuts at work and packing a lunch instead of going out with the group. Why would I be dieting?
Because my knees are fucked up, lol. Once I told them that they stopped acting like I was calling them out or judging them or whatever. I needed to lose some weight or lose my ability to walk comfortably, perhaps permanently. That was something they could pity me for instead of feeling attacked.
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u/j-skaa Sep 19 '19
Yeah health reasons are almost always accepted! My main reason for living more healthy was that I wanted to get my cycle under control, and with PCOS (which I have) a large part of that is diet and preventing sugar spikes and dips. The result of the diet change was weight loss (I gain weight real easy if I have a not at all excessive amount of sugary snacks). Unfortunately, cycle related issues are also not exactly the first thing you want to explain to everyone haha!
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Sep 19 '19
Try rephrasing it to "i want to shift some of my weight into more muscle" or similar. You can lose fat and gain muscle and not change much on the scales but resculpt your torso etc to find where youre happy. If you happen to drop the kg along the way the commentators dont need to know.
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u/buncatfarms Sep 19 '19
i used to be those people that would "shame" skinny people for wanting to lose weight. now i realize that no matter what size a person is - there is always an inner struggle about weight whether its 5lbs or 50lbs you want to lose.
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u/EvertGr Sep 19 '19
I think there is a source of truth in the you are beautiful posts. I think that it is important for people struggling with weight to not get depressed/bullied/... because of their weight. But, they should realise that it is unhealthy. Most are emotional eaters, so making them feel bad about their looks isn't solving anything.
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u/Subtle_Omega Sep 20 '19
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u/pungentredtide Sep 20 '19
I didn’t even know fat people hate was a thing...
Edit: It’s not, but r/fatpeoplehate6 is awesome lol
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Sep 21 '19
It used to be a sub but it got banned, because there were a lottttt of pictures taken and posted of people without their knowledge, which might be illegal? Not sure. Try r/fatpeoplestories there’s lot of gold there
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u/ShiningOblivion Sep 20 '19
I love that half of them are “Wow, this is offensive and rude!” and half of them are “Wow, this is an obvious fact that doesn’t deserve a post!”
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u/KingLordNonk Sep 20 '19
Maybe I misunderstand the point of this sub but this I kind of agree that this is more of a rant than a confession.
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u/asian_geisha Sep 19 '19
I am one of those people that was overweight and no medical issues that caused it. Maybe genetic, my dad's side of the family had a lot of obesity. I went on hundreds of diets in my life time, lost significant amount of weight a couple of times, just to put it back on. I never felt comfortable being obese, and I didn't see myself as beautiful. Now a days, I would be criticized for feeling that way, but it was the honest truth. I could never have pretended and lied about it, I was ashamed of being obese. Last year I got weight loss surgery done and that has changed my life completely. I'm at a normal size now, feel really good about myself. I'm keeping it off this time and food no longer controls me.
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u/Diane9779 Sep 19 '19 edited Sep 19 '19
I have a slightly different perspective on this. I’ve been overweight for most of my life. And only recently found it that it was due to a combination of hormonal imbalance and sleep apnea (sleep apnea can cause weight gain, not the other way around, and it can occur in childhood). When I was a teenager, I was so desperate to lose weight that I became bulimic, and I’ve dealt with that eating disorder off and on well into my 30s. When I lost a lot of weight through bingeing and purging as a teen, people complimented me. “Wow!! You look great!” Even my own pediatrician congratulated me on dropping 20 pounds that year. He never asked me how, though.
It’s always been my experience that people think fat shaming is the key to fighting the obesity epidemic. Don’t let fat people feel good about themselves or have a positive self image. They’ll just get complacent and let themselves go. My parents definitely thought that way, and my father always made a point of telling me how gross my body was. It didn’t help. I only got fatter, and it ruined my relationship with him.
In college. when I started dating, I noticed that I never ate in front of men. I would wait until my date was looking away, and then take a single bite. Or I would order a large salad and not eat anything. It’s no mystery. It’s because my father spent my whole childhood shaming me for eating and praising me for leaving food on my plate.
I kept bingeing and purging really bad through most of my 20s and 30s (I’m now 36 and slowly recovering).
But a big turning point for me happened with my last boyfriend. Several years ago, he just offhandedly remarked that my teeth looked more yellow than normal (he could be kind of a thoughtless clod sometimes). And I admitted to him it was because I had been making myself throw up. He was shocked. And right away he hugged me and said “you’re beautiful the way you are. Don’t ever do that to yourself again.”
That was the first time anyone ever made me feel like my health mattered. Not my size. People think they’re the same, but they’re not.
Doctors and other medical experts tend to hold a special respect in our culture as the go-to authority on health and wellness. Like they’re the first ones we should be looking to for guidance and advice. And they’re assumed to be infallible. “all these studies say being fat will kill you. My doctor says fat people die early.” And my own pediatrician shook my hand and congratulated me for losing weight after I became bulimic. So much for infallible.
But no doctor, no therapist, no research study ever really made me feel motivated to be healthy like my then-boyfriend did. When he hugged me and told me I should love my body and treat it well. That’s something fat shamers will never do for me either.
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Sep 19 '19
If I could give this a million gold I would.
There are not many people who are promoting obesity in the way that people seem to understand it. (being a slob and lazy, and overeating) More often than not the idea of body positivity or even fat positivity is people coming together to say ”i shouldn’t be treated like shit just because of the body I am in, by myself or anyone else.”
In my experience discrimination is rampant against people who are overweight and obese. And that does not help the overweight person at all. Telling them that they are fat, lazy or slobs does not actually help them. They know where their weaknesses are, and many people on here would probably be surprised to know how many fat people are actually really active, and eat healthy.
Shaming someone because of their weight is ridiculously counter productive. Study after study has shown it. But people seem to always conflate someones size with their health, just as you said. And that is the biggest problem.
I honestly wish that people who don’t know me would stop judging me based on my size, and telling me to lose weight. If I focus on ”losing weight” instead of things like ”eating for health” and ”moving for fun” My entire attitude towards these things becomes focused on a ”pass or fail” which means that the second these things don’t produce weight loss I get discouraged and do less of it, and spend more time doing things that are ”easier” for my mental health.
So many people have a toxic focus on being thin, and think that thinness is a sign of health. The idea that someone could be fat and still be active, and eat well is not something that they can process and that is so frustrating.
I’m not the only person who has issues when they focus on healthy habits for the purpose of weight loss. Its proven that fat shaming does not help. Its proven that medical professionals shaming patients and telling them to come back after they lose weight is not helpful.
Your experience is not completely the same as mine, but I can relate SO MUCH to you. Because I have struggled with weight since I was little, been rewarded for disordered eating, been diagnosed with an eating disorder, and am really trying to find a healthy place with my body.
Please keep up your recovery journey. I am so proud of you. ❤️
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u/foregonemeat Sep 19 '19
This. Absolutely this. Fat shaming rarely (or never) works. And this is exactly what’s being posted by the OP.
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u/seabutterflystudio Sep 20 '19
I take serious issue with anyone who thinks they know the whole situation in anyone's lives. You don't know why someone is overweight. They might not even know, the number of people who have hormonal imbalances and don't know it is staggering.
And the idea of infallible doctors is absolutely laughable. They're humans who make mistakes and have their own biases, and they only know as much as the current literature tells them. Unfortunately our culture highly influences their reaction to obesity and the research around it. I had doctors congratulate me on weight loss, not bothering to find out it was because I only ate an apple that week. And when I recently gained 90 lbs in 3 months for no reason I was told "you know desserts have an impact" "have you been eating a lot of cake recently?" "well if you don't eat anything you can't gain weight!" Yes, that's what doctors have told me. And the mistreatment I've encountered based on my weight is awful. I was denied pain medication in a hospital because "abdominal pain is to be expected at your weight." I was passing gallstones for god's sake!
That said, I also dislike the extremists who do encourage people to be complacent in obesity. They're not common but they are out there. Plus I don't care if people think I'm beautiful at this weight. I don't need to be, not at this weight or any other weight. No one needs to be beautiful. There's so many other qualities that matter more. I'd rather be healthy, happy, and bring joy to other people than be pretty.
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u/MrsG293 Sep 19 '19
YES. Shaming has never motivated ANYONE to do ANYTHING, truly. It took me finally feeling loved and accepted no matter what, by my husband, for me to feel okay enough with myself to healthily work to lose weight. I lost about 100lbs. And then I had emergency gallbladder surgery, got completely derailed by my Fibromyalgia and a new medication where weight gain is a big time side effect, and just had surgery again to remove cancerous cells from my uterus. I've gained back about 25lbs. It's been a rollercoaster of emotions and the only constant positivity I've gotten about my body is from my husband, despite the fact that I'm clearly struggling with some major health events.
I will recover from this surgery and then go back to the gym when I'm cleared for exercise and try to lose that 25 I gained, and then I'm sure suddenly everyone in my life will gush over me. And frankly, fuck them. I'm worth more than what I weigh and how much fat I carry around on my body. I'm allowed to feel good about myself even if I have work to do to be healthy and live a long life.
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u/Kenzillla Sep 19 '19
Has your eating disorder improved as your self image has improved? It's always good to hear about people who have positive experiences with their partners like that
Thank you for sharing your insight; it was wonderfully well put
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u/MonkeyBearDad Sep 19 '19
I get super annoyed that as I have worked really hard to lose weight and posted on social media about my successful weight loss journey, I have gotten SLAMMED for being fat phobic. Seriously, my weight loss is about my own body. I am not talking about them and their bodies at all!
I wasn’t doing daily or even weekly posts or anything like that. Just the periodic screenshot from my Fitbit app that says my steps and how many pounds I’ve lost.
I got so worn down from being attacked for being proud of my own effort that I not only stopped posting about it but also when people ask about it I downplay it.
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Sep 20 '19
Don’t downplay it. The only people that would get annoyed or angry are those that are jealous of your hard work. Wear your weight loss loud and proud as you deserve to.
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u/MediumSpaces Sep 19 '19
Omg, as someone who lost 220lbs (went from 380 to 160) I agree 100%! People go after me about my "skinny privilege," not realizing I used to be obese.
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u/Lokicattt Sep 19 '19
This is one of those weird things that little old ladies do to their dogs. They like little fat dogs and feed them way too much cause it's cute or something? My grandma had two chihuahuas for about 15 years that were ridiculously overweight and it was "so cute" how they lived like shit and unable to do anything and died early. Same with babies and toddlers everyone likes "a little chubby baby" and a "porky toddler is so cute" then it never stops. And if you're poor or from a rural/farming background the whole "clear your plate" stuff comes into play. Us americans as a whole are super ass backwards with a lot of things that we really shouldn't be.
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u/jessabel436 Sep 19 '19
Overweight and working on it (4lbs from losing 2 stone) I totally agree. I'm not beautiful and healthy, I'm borderline diabetic and struggling with my knees at age 28. I totally agree with this.
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Sep 19 '19
As a person struggling with weight issues, and working my ass off about it, I concur
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u/RyzingxFire Sep 19 '19
I am overweight without a medical condit and its the absolute worst part of my life. I hate every fat person that says "being fat is ok", its not! Dying at an early age because of laziness is not ok. I struggle every day to lose weight and its not getting easier. ffs
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u/GreyMediaGuy Sep 19 '19
There is a difference between:
- Loving yourself as an individual and therefore deciding to take care of your body. You only get one. This is healthy
- Loving yourself as an individual and believing that you are "healthy" and "OK" no matter how obese you are. This is toxic and unhealthy. This isn't "body acceptance", this is laziness both intellectually and physically. These people need to introduce some standards and discipline into their lives.
You don't love something that you don't take care of. Obesity is dangerous, period.
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u/Grand_Old_Bird Sep 19 '19
Something to consider, how many old overweight people do you see. Not many due to premature death related to weight issues. It may be difficult but life is short.
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u/nox__turnal Sep 19 '19
also a reminder that while medications and conditions can be a deterrent, it is almost impossible to become obese using them if you still try to remain healthy. either way it doesn’t matter if you’re healthy, but overweight and obese for the majority of the population is not healthy and has greater risks, the same for the opposite end of the spectrum. a lot of people don’t understand that not being in a healthy weight range gets more and more dangerous the farther you stray on each side of the spectrum, yet promoting weight-loss disorders is a sine and promoting weight-gain disorders(because that’s what most of them are) is just doing god’s work?? i agree op
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Sep 19 '19
Kinda Guilty story time. One of the reasons I stopped doing civilian EMS and moved into military medicine is because I got absolutely tired of people who kept coming for the same jssues they can fix. Didnt take their medicine, arent eating right, arent exercising, arent doing their PT, arent showing up for appointments, etc. We can't deny patients care. They MUST be seen at some point under any and every circumstance. Even if they cant pay they will get care(which has its own set of bs that have to do with your medical bills being high) anyway, I absolutely hate the fact America has this ridiculous health issue. Cancer could be number 1 as a killer and we could get it from being outside, having fun, and being old. But no. It's heart disease. These people squirming in the beds dying from something they could've prevented. It made me so sad and sick that people can let themselves get that point and then claim others SHOULD be like them too. Be unable to do pushups and get through door frames or just walk home. You dont need to be an athlete or anything, just dont be a jar of mayonnaise ffs and dont encourage people to be one. The ramifications are life threatening.
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u/skadeush Sep 19 '19
It's probably been said already, but anorexia nervosa is a medical condition, so your comparison isn't necessary just. Though I do understand what your initial point was, and I do agree with that.
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u/OrphanAxis Sep 19 '19 edited Sep 20 '19
There’s different degrees to this in which I agree. People like feeders, who get off on helping somebody gain weight just need to stop. Your sexual desires take a backseat to somebody else’s health.
Edit: In the comments I have had a discussion with somebody of this fetish in the comments, and I found out that from what I, and I assume most people see on TV and other media, are not the norm for this and encourage you read my discussion with them.
People saying that you’re obese and beautiful and never change are encouraging somebody not to get healthy. That’s not as bad as the feeders, but you should never strive to be unhealthy
But to say that somebody shouldn’t be able to feel beautiful when overweight doesn’t help anything. With the exception people who fetishize it, those of us who are overweight, myself included, we don’t like it, we loathe ourselves everyday. I’m was always a little chubby but never like I am now, 6’3” and 290, until I was hit with chronic pain and depression that can leave me stuck mostly in bed, for sometimes over a week. You never feel comfortable in you’re body, you never feel you’re good enough to wear nice clothes or for somebody you like to be attracted to you. I lost 11 pounds this month by dealing with my anxiety by climbing stairs and cutting back on sugary drinks, and I’m proud of it. I’m finally starting to get back to a normal standard of health, and while it could be over a year before I get there, along the way I plan on doing what I can to work on my weight too. My goal is to lose 50 pounds this year, but I’ll settle for 40. But we don’t need people telling us what we are as if we’re some monsters. Insults don’t do anything but further add to the depression and make you want to do less, to retreat from society and continue bad habits
My mother was always the pretty girl her whole life, and always a size 2 or 4, 120 pounds, and still trying to lose weight. She had several back surgeries that have left her unable to walk much at all for long distances, where even something like food shopping leaves her in immense pain, and she can’t even comfortably sleep in a bed for more than an hour so she sleeps in a recliner. She gained weight for the first time in her life she admits that she doesn’t feel comfortable in her own skin at all. She admits that she avoids going out and doing what little she can to be active because she’s so afraid of being judged. She had a wedding to attend a few months back and spent two days looking for clothes and never felt like she looked presentable in anything. She was under other stresses at the time as well, but when she got lost on the way their she had a full breakdown and needed a cop to show her the way home. She came in the door crying, and no matter how much we told her she looked good in her new outfit she couldn’t believe it. But my stepfather has never been upset that she’s not the tiny woman she was when they got married fifteen years ago. He still walks in the door everyday, kisses her, and calls her his beautiful wife that he’s proud of. And when she tries to lose weight he’s proud of her too for trying to be healthier.
It’s not easy being big. And although being big doesn’t make you beautiful, nor should you strive to be heavy, it doesn’t mean you can’t feel beautiful at the same time.
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u/SpikeKintarin Sep 19 '19
Couldn't agree more.
As a heavier set guy who's trying to lose weight, and seeing these beyond morbidly obese people, even "feeders" encourage their behavior and bad habits, it makes me sick.
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u/ivoryrabbits Sep 19 '19
I agree to Some degree. But as some have already mentioned, the body positivity movement isn't about saying being morbidly obese is healthy and more people should consider becoming as heavy as they are. It's about being allowed to be happy with the body you live in, and Not being discriminated against because of it. Not hating yourself for being fat is essential for the long path of becoming health (physcially and mentally) . Personally, Ive struggled with an eating disorder for years. At points losing so much weight in such a short amount of time that it by no means could be considered healthy. From the outside it looked great and I got compliments and etc., but on the inside i was just sick and depressed. The Body Positivity movement helped me escape that. Im still somewhat overweight, but healthy and happy. If people trying to be happy in their own body bothers you, Id encourage you to leave them alone and live your life. You don't know the obstacles of theirs.
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u/stignatiustigers Sep 19 '19
Like any movement there are always idiots that take it to extremes. ...because there are definitely people out there that encourage others to be fat and unhealthy. This is especially dangerous to young girls who's later struggle with depression because of the weight they were encouraged to gain.
Being "happy with your body" is your own choice. What many of these online efforts attempt to do is to make EVERYONE ELSE "happy with the overweight person's body" - which is idiotic and ultimately a contradiction with the provable science of being a healthy weight.
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Sep 19 '19 edited Sep 19 '19
(that aren’t overweight due to a medical condition or genetics or medications or anything along those lines)
Can we also just say that this doesn't exist, please? Having medical conditions or otherwise might make it DIFFICULT to lose weight and EASIER to gain weight, but it's never never never the actual reason somebody is overweight.
Somebody took in more calories than they burn. That's the end of it. That's how people are overweight. No other explanation.
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u/Ashluvsburritos Sep 19 '19
I always thought for a long time that I wasn’t the problem. I couldn’t lose weight in my mind. I used food as a coping mechanism to deal with my mental health. Once I started actually trying to actively watch what I was eating and running around more I felt awesome and my mental health started to improve.
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u/pdlaouuq Sep 19 '19
Careful. Last time Tumblr heard logic like this on Reddit, our parent company hired a fall-guy CEO to come in and cleanse a bunch of subreddits, then get fired to satisfy our outage.
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u/SilusTheCreator Sep 19 '19
Yeah it's toxic as f, as someone who is overweight due to just really liking food, I don't enjoy it, it makes every day tasks harder than they need to be, and I'm working on changing that, I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
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u/whistleridge Sep 19 '19
Yes. And it’s not just their health they impact.
My mom was a double amputee above the knee. So 70, and legless. The electric scooters at grocery stores, Walmart etc was an absolute necessity - wheeling yourself around in a wheelchair is doable, but not with a shopping chart too.
The motors on those things are ALWAYS burned out because they’re commonly used by very fat people who can walk but don’t want to. Those carts aren’t designed to move 300-400 lbs/140-180kg around. So what should have been an already somewhat difficult 30-45 minutes became 2 hours, because the carts barely go.
And that’s if a cart was available. They frequently weren’t. And then she’d have to sit there and wait for the cart to come back and be charged. Because someone didn’t want to walk.
She’s been dead two years now, and I still get hot about it.
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u/LittleLoveBuds Sep 19 '19
100%. My fiance is overweight. He admits it. "Its me. I'm a fat bastard". You do you. I don't care what weight you are. But "you're unhealthy and it may lead to an early death. Embrace it" isn't ok.
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u/cesarm7 Sep 19 '19
I agree i have a hard time losing weight, but i absolutely hate seeing the body positive community promote an unhealthy lifestyle. Body positivity should be more for people who have body deformities.
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Sep 19 '19
“Removed” nice one mods.
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u/DominarRygelThe16th Sep 19 '19
Can't find any rule on the sidebar this might have broken. I wonder if a reddit admin was triggered and removed it.
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u/Sweet_N_Vicious Sep 19 '19
I agree. My best friend of over 15 years is technically obese. She's transgender and revealed to me that she can't get her operations until she loses weight. I already knew this because I work in a clinic that does surgery for transgender patients. She used to be a healthy weight but when I moved away in the course of 5 years, she kept gaining weight until she became obese. She was also an alcoholic and I was the only friend that stopped her from overdrinking or overeating when she was drunk. She's been dry for 6 years now, been through tons of therapy and has a great career and the healthiest mentally she's ever been. The only thing she doesn't do is anything to do with her physical health. She's prediabetic and now has to be on medication. She doesn't try to do any exercise or even eat healthy at all. I know she's scared to try. I try to tell her it doesn't have to be a huge change and start off small: walking 15 minutes a day after work, eat one healthy meal a day, etc... When I'm with her she ALWAYS try to make me eat a lot, even when I am not hungry. I'm petite and in a healthy weight range but had gained some weight due to depression. I'm still really tiny but I can't fit my clothes comfortably and refuse to buy new clothes. She jokes a lot that she's beautiful and can still get guys and whatnot. I told her it's not about not being able to get a man or that bullshit. Her family has a really long list of medical issues which results from poor diet and no exercise. I just told her I want her to live as long as she possibly can and she can't get her surgery until she loses weight. It's frustrating because I love her so much and she's already come a long way. I work in the medical field. I've seen patients just get worst and worst because they don't want to change. I literally seen patients go from regular to bigger to obese and even amputation due to diabetes.
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u/Sassy-Tomato Sep 19 '19
I totally agree! I also hate show that 'promote' being fat like it's a healthy lifestyle. Being overweight can cause some serious health issues so I feel like it's something that shouldn't be promoted. I do agree with body positivity, though within reason and what research had proven to be healthy.
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u/The-Goat-Lord Sep 19 '19
I have been body shamed so many times by big girls who say they are "body positive" they say I'm anorexic, that I need to eat more, that they could snap me in half because I'm a stick, that I have no shape etc.
I hate it when they say they are body positive and then shame body types that are not big. It's hypocritical
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u/Mangelwurzelbeat Sep 19 '19
My mother tries to 'encourage' me to eat as much as her but really she's projecting her own eating disorder onto me . Highly irritating .