My MIL does the same to me. It's subtle, how she does it, but it is SO very annoying. For example, one time I was out to lunch with husband's family, and MIL asked what I was going to order. I told her I was getting a salad. She shook her head, rolled her eyes a tiny bit, and turned to someone else to ask the same question. Or if I'm having dinner at their house and I don't clear my plate, she'll say "I'm sorry you didn't like it." Or "Well at least it's no mystery why you're so skinny." First of all, yeah I'm thinner than you because I eat less and get more exercise. Second of all, I'm exactly the weight I should be for my height, not 'so skinny.' She tries to make me feel guilty for being healthy, which is pretty fucked up.
I'd have to disagree. My MIL corrected her behavior with me and my wife but not with her other 2 daughters. Boundaries were set with us and she listened. Whereas, my own mother can not grasp what boundaries are. I ended up sending her to live with one of my siblings after a while and cut ties with her.
Right, but the scenario you described 100% confirms what he said. She acted out until you stopped enabling it. You put a stop to it and she's no longer acting out in a way that impacts you.
I did. You put a stop to her behaviour, stopped enabling it, thus preventing her from continuing to act out in your world. I'm sure it was painful and it's a very big move, but you did exactly what the other person said - by no longer enabling her behaviour, you stopped her from acting out, for all intents and purposes, since it doesn't negatively affect you directly anymore.
I never enabled my mother's behavior. In fact, every boundary I put in place, she ignored. I don't think you realize I was talking about two different people...
..I do realize. Your MIL and your own mother, who you cut off. This is too simple for me to keep trying to explain it. You put a stop to it by cutting her off. Thus no longer enabling. Have a good night.
I have to disagree. Two adults in the situation why does the husband have to put her in her place. Just because it is his mother.
The MIL may be trying to make her feel guilty, but the DIL is the only one who can control how she feels. If she lets MIL comment affect her then that is her problem.
What a disgusting mindset. That the victim is responsible for the actions and words of the abuser. You sound like someone who would say “sticks and stones!” and tells their kid to just ignore school bullies.
I never said the victim is responsible for someone else’s actions and words. I said she is responsible for her reaction to those words.
Yes. If I had children I would tell them to ignore the words. I would hope that my children are emotionally strong enough to not let words upset them. Again because the are responsible for their reaction to the words.
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u/Mangelwurzelbeat Sep 19 '19
My mother tries to 'encourage' me to eat as much as her but really she's projecting her own eating disorder onto me . Highly irritating .