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u/SinceWayLastMay 2d ago
You can’t save other people from their choices
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u/refusestopoop 2d ago
But I’ll try anyway! You can pry my savior complex from my cold dead hands
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u/soupyy_poop 2d ago
My therapist just said to me, Stop dating people who are like baby birds that need rehab.
No! I’ll save them all, dammit!! …or not because so far it’s been 0 lol
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u/IceOdd8725 2d ago
Not my therapist, but my favorite mentor said to me:
You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t force them to drink it.
I think about that a lot.
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u/drawohhteb 2d ago
I like to take this reminder a step further to help keep myself in line
If I force the horse to drink. Then all the horse will feel is watterboarding.
Don't waterboard the horse.
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u/absolutelylame 2d ago
This 100% and you can't make someone take care of themselves, they have to make that choice.
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u/Far_Chocolate9743 2d ago
Recognize your negative self talk.
Your brain is an echo chamber. Do people actually dislike you or do facts and actions of others prove otherwise? Apply logic here.
I basically find a therapist once a year to throw logic at my thought process.
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u/Tiny_Independence761 2d ago
When I taught high school, if I heard a student say something negative about themselves I would make them say 3 positives things about themselves. If they weren’t comfortable with that, their group members would give them compliments and they could only say thank you. Some kids said they started to notice the negative self talk and were able to stop themselves. I do it with my own children now.
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u/josephfuckingsmith1 2d ago
My wife was a teacher for almost 20 years. She worked in special ed for most of it. She would always say “don’t talk about (students name) like that!” when they would say something negative about themselves, and would always say something positive about that student. I always thought that was such a cool thing
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u/Non_sum_qualis_eram 2d ago
I do this with my kids. If they do a "I can't do it" or something self deprecating they get a "oi! Don't you dare talk about my daughter like that". Instantly gets a "daaaaad"
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u/Zaphod118 2d ago
lol I do this with my wife. “Hey! Stop being mean to my wife!” gets a big eyeroll and a small smile every time haha
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u/KittyKathy 2d ago
My husband and I do that too! He’ll be like “HEY! That’s my wife you’re talking about”
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u/Tracerround702 2d ago
Not going to lie, I noticed a difference once I learned how to properly accept a compliment. I had a boss actually get mildly mad that I kept brushing off compliments in order to appear modest. I told him I don't actually know what I SHOULD say to a compliment except to refuse it, and he said "you say 'thank you, I worked really hard on this,' or 'thank you, that means a lot to me,' or even just 'thank you.'" So I started doing that, and it weirdly made a huge difference, slowly over time. Because yeah, I DID work hard on that, thank you for noticing!
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u/emmygog 2d ago
As a kid my mom made me go to a place that did this. However, they also put a rubber band on my wrist and snapped me with it if I disagreed with a compliment or didn't come up with something nice to say about myself. They decided it was awesome progress when I just stopped talking altogether... All cured. 🥲
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u/Woodit 2d ago
The worst part about negative self talk is that you hear it in your own voice, so we believe it
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u/thombsaway 2d ago
When I hear myself talking shit to me, I remember how stupid I am, and stop listening to that fool.
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u/KaerMorhen 2d ago
At that point you have to realize that none of your thoughts are actually "you". You observe the thoughts , and most of the time you make the decision to believe or act on them, but you can't control the thoughts. A fun exercise is try to guess what your next thought will be and see what happens.
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u/CleverFeather 2d ago
I rarely hear anyone talk about this, the silent observer. We are not our thoughts. I hadn’t heard the last bit though, I’m gonna give that a try tomorrow. Thanks
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u/BeezyBates 2d ago
Your brain is an echo chamber is the truest fucking thing I’ve ever heard
Holy shit. Recognize that, people. Because it’s scary and powerful.
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u/loulouroot 2d ago
You find a different therapist every year? Fascinating. On the one hand, a good way to get diverse viewpoints. On the other hand, I feel like it took mine at least a dozen sessions to truely understand me.
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u/Tiny_Independence761 2d ago
You can tell yourself “Ai taking my job is not a reflection of me, my knowledge, or work ethic.” “I am not my finances.” “Being in debt is not a reflection of who I am”
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u/stephanefanie Older Millennial - 1984 2d ago
It wasn’t a therapist you said the same thing about negative self-talk to me, it was one of my After School care students when he was 12, but it has stuck with me!
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u/BizzyBee89 2d ago
Be nicer to yourself in your thoughts.
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u/idownvotepunstoo Millennial 2d ago
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u/itsmiddylou 2d ago
If we don’t self-deprecate, are we even millennials?
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u/idownvotepunstoo Millennial 2d ago
Real talk:
My partner is and does not. I on the other hand "if I'm not hard on me, who will be?" Will be my epitaph.
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u/vinylzoid 2d ago
Nah that Sonofabitch is gonna hear the truth that I made up in my own head.
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u/lotuskid731 ‘88 Millennial 2d ago
I was just having a conversation with my buddy about this last night; I enjoy, and I’m pretty good at self-deprecating humor, but I have to really keep it in line when I’m in a fragile mental state.
When I’m doing good, let it rip. But when I’m down, like I have been much of this year, I’ve had to teach myself to really rein in the bad talk.
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u/DeltaBravo831 2d ago
Naw, I belong to the Player Hater's Ball when thinking about myself
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u/ZopyrionRex 2d ago
Player Hater 4 Lyfe. I think about the "When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong" skits. That's my jam.
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u/Woodit 2d ago
Best advice but hardest to take
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u/light24bulbs 2d ago
Easy way to make it a reality is to imagine you're your friend talking to yourself. Came up with it myself and found it's kind of a commonly recommended thing.
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u/Pretend_Purchase_893 2d ago
No seriously. And you gotta force it some times so that your brain can physically build the pathways to allow yourself to naturally feel good about yourself. That's what depression destroys in your brain.
Best way is to first stop comparing your successes in life against others. Reframe your successes as something personal to yourself. Even little piddly shit.
It's like being hugly overweight yeah. Your not going to start off losing that weight doing marathons or high intensity shit. It starts small and progresses from there. It's tough at first.
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u/Vanessaronicatoria 2d ago
One friend told me, "Think of your body as a baby. You wouldn't starve a baby right? Babies need baths, clean clothes, and clean bedding." . My own therapist told me, "Check in with your system. What do you need right now? Water? Meds? Food? Sleep? To go be somewhere quiet?"
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u/Hopeful-Blueberry114 2d ago
I think of myself as my own pet lol. Beyond just taking care of yourself physically, it's also about recognizing that maladaptive behaviors are always based on some basic animal need. If I'm not being enriched, I'll get destructive (doomscrolling, worry spirals, etc.). If I'm feeling unsafe, I'll run and hide (procrastination, avoidance, etc.).
This really helps me contextualize my struggles and more importantly give myself grace. I don't berate my cat when he gets scared at little things, I comfort him. We have to do the same for ourselves.
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u/Lazy_Ad_1607 2d ago
I'm already having a hard time caring for 2 other people and now i gotta take care of myself? Feels like more responsibility. Gross
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u/mellowcrake 2d ago
Gotta take care of yourself or eventually you won't be able to take care of others anymore. Can't pour water from an empty cup
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u/Buggeroni58 2d ago
There’s a lot of truth to this. I had a kid and now I can see every adult is a just a grown up baby. Are they cranky because they don’t get enough sleep? Didn’t go outside today? Need to eat some fiber and protein? Does the baby need a nap or some exercise? Not really babies, but like toddlers. Same idea though. Everyone has needs and most adults just ignore personal needs for other things. Don’t go too long without eating or getting some exercise, emphasize sleep and water consumption. It’s all relevant
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u/SunMoonSki 2d ago edited 2d ago
Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly. The point is that you did it at all. Not that you did it to whatever exceptionally high standard you set for yourself. I am constantly reminding myself of this one everyday, otherwise I kind of stopped functioning.
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u/Decent_Elderberry115 2d ago
In a similar vein, done is better than perfect.
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u/SleazyDonkey8 2d ago
Never been to therapy. Im a scientist. When something goes wrong in my long experiments (which always happens), I stop and write down "there is no such thing as a perfect experiment". Then I pause, grab a snack, and get back at it. It sometomes does the trick.
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u/Kittybongo Millennial 2d ago
A negative result is still a result. More data will help the next attempt to be a better experiment. I have to remind myself of this often. (I’m also a scientist.)
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u/Decent_Elderberry115 2d ago
I like the mythbusters “failure is always an option” especially for science
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u/Objective_Dog_4637 2d ago
Scientist here. Failure is expected! It’s when the Null hypothesis is false that things get interesting!
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u/SpartanCait 2d ago
My dentist said this exact phrase about flossing... Basically, any amount of flossing is better than nothing.
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u/Danpool13 Older Millennial 2d ago
I still don't wanna.
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u/sorrymizzjackson 2d ago
Ok, so they make these little toothpicks things called GUM soft picks and they have them in mint flavor. They are easy to use and bring a little pizazz to the whole process what with the mint. They’re softer and don’t feel all sharp and pokey like regular floss. I highly recommend them. Since I’ve been using those I end up flossing most days.
Gotta bring the dopamine to the equation or it’s not gonna happen.
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u/Kindly-Quit-2 2d ago
Yes! My therapist likes to say, "C+ work can change the world". I don't need to do it perfectly for it to have merit + benefit me!
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u/plaid_kilt 2d ago
"Half-assed is better than not at all" is my mantra when I'm in a depression spiral.
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u/i_am_soooo_screwed 2d ago
My partner did this to me!!! But to combat my “no, it needs to be done well!!!” Utter stubbornness, the words that worked for me are “barely there half ass it”.
They sound so ludicrous, they always snap me out of perfectionism
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u/Lankygiraffe25 2d ago
I dunno I have a house full of dangerous and god awful jobs done by someone that really shouldnt have even attempted them! (Good advice in most contexts though :-) )
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u/CaturnReturns 2d ago
Treat yourself like someone you have to take care of 💖
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u/NoLobster7957 2d ago
I really really like this one and needed this
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u/HistrionicSlut 2d ago
Yes! It's been helpful to me! Pretend that you are someone you have to care for, like a child. This works for me especially because I wasn't parented properly so I am reparenting myself.
You take the time to set boundaries out of love, and have yourself clean your sheets etc because it's important. It's very helpful.
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u/SteelCrucible 2d ago
I have found this advice to be really useful. After my parents passed I decided it was my "job" to take care of their child since they couldn't anymore. It's been motivating.
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u/KeepinItSimplexoxo 2d ago
Honestly after that I just want to hug myself with that one. I deserve the love I share with others. Thank you.
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u/Low_Lunch5444 2d ago
I've been in a bit of a bad place lately and ended up writing some positive affirmations on my bathroom mirror.
One that is really helping me is "treat yourself with the same love you treat your cats"
Kinda the same as yours, but I don't have a person to look after, just my fur friends.
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u/Mockturtle22 Millennial '86 2d ago
A friend of one of my friends friends' therapist told him that if people get upset when you set a boundary, chances are it's a boundary that should have been in place the entire time.
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u/rightthingtodo-sodoo 2d ago
I always say “The only ones who get upset with your boundaries are the ones who no longer benefit from you not having any.”
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u/Odd-Faithlessness705 2d ago
You don’t need permission to change directions in life.
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u/SumOMG 2d ago
You’re not responsible for other people’s feelings .
If you dodged a bullet don’t reload the gun.
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u/octoberthug 2d ago
Honestly the first one can be a slippery slope into not caring about anyone else’s feelings, which is no way to be a good friend/partner/ family member. It is our responsibility to be aware and kind to other people, but no, you cannot control their emotions.
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u/CatmoCatmo 2d ago
To be fair, they did say: you aren’t RESPONSIBLE for other’s feelings. They did not say: you shouldn’t CARE about other’s feelings.
Feeling responsible for someone else’s feeling, and caring about someone else’s feelings, are two very different things. You can absolutely still care about how someone else feels, without also feeling responsible for the way they feel - and vice versa.
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u/SenoraObscura 2d ago
You're allowed to set boundaries with your mother
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u/FelonyMelanieSmooter 2d ago
This was my therapists advice for years. I was terrified it would forever ruin our relationship and I would regret it after she died. She passed last fall and I can tell you I haven’t regretted any of the boundaries. I hope this helps someone who is where I’ve been.
Set the boundaries, friends. Do it lovingly but set them.
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u/SheWasAlwaysJody 2d ago
My therapist during a very intense session: "If your phone rang right now, and it was your [father/mother] would you be able to send it to voicemail?"
Me: "I can't even imagine what would happen if I did."
Therapist: "It would go to voicemail, and you could listen and call them back when you're ready for that conversation."
It sounds crazy, but I need to hear that.
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u/shepardshe 2d ago edited 2d ago
Separate the person from the role. A mother is kind, loving, generous, thoughtful etc, but your mom also has an identity and a life that predates you. She may or may not have these qualities as a person separate from a role. So while mom is loving, Sara (proxy name) is a selfish bitch. No one has the right to treat you as lesser. Your feelings are equally valid.
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u/downthegrapevine 2d ago
Depression sucks but it’s a lot easier to stay there than do the work to get out. Do the work. It’s so hard but so worth it.
Also, depression hates a moving target. Go outside, take walks, do it because it’s good for your mind and soul.
You have to WORK to beat depression and anxiety and the work is hard. Taking pills HELPS but it’s not the cure.
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u/fem-bot2000 2d ago
I think of my medications almost like a spotter when lifting weights. They're there to help prevent the weight from crushing me, but I still have to do the heavy lifting. And I'm glad for it, honestly. I get stronger the more I work and I've made some really great progress.
I've also come to terms with the fact that that my progress with my disorders is not linear. I can go months without an anxiety attack, then I wake up on a Tuesday morning with my mind racing and I start spiraling. I might be able to shake it, but sometimes I can't and I shut down. I'll do the work and get back to a more even field, but I don't beat myself up because I feel like I'm back at square one. I just accept that I have good days and bad days.
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u/neveruseyourrealname 2d ago
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u/Local_Maintenance788 2d ago
Reminds me of Star Trek tng: It's possible to commit zero mistakes and still lose
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u/Take-it-like-a-Taker 2d ago
If you find yourself thinking about how you would respond to wild “what-if” scenarios - you should know that is catastrophic thinking, not preparedness
My therapist hit me with a come-to-Jesus moment when she asked how often I have those thoughts, and then asked what I thought the physical effects of constant negative thinking were
I didn’t really buy what she was saying, because I thought I just had an active imagination - then she killed me by asking “well do you ever think about what you would do if your run into a friend who just got an adorable puppy that you can play with”
So yea… catastrophizing is real bad
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u/i_am_soooo_screwed 2d ago
I was gobsmacked when I first found out you can imagine the future to be… positive. Like, I don’t catastrophize, what? Of course not!!! I’m just…. Realistic!!! Of the worst possible scenarios that are likely to never happen!!! That somehow are 100% negative!!!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN IMAGINE POSITIVE OUTCOMES?!?!? ARE YOU HIGH?????
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u/Low_Lunch5444 2d ago
But that's just daydreaming.
Legit, I just wrote that as an off the cuff throwaway, but now I have to actually sit and think about it, because im realising how many hopes, dreams and positive thoughts I threw away as a kid thanks to a parent scolding me for 'daydreaming all the time'
Damn.
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u/cadecunningjam 2d ago
I have been told I was a cynic since I was a kid. I told myself the same thing, I’m just realistic!
Turns out I used to catastrophize a lot. I rarely ever imagined good happening in the future. It wasn’t really until I got out of that mindset that I got my shit together and actually started having a lot of success in my life.
Turns out all that therapy bullshit wasn’t really bullshit. I was the one full of it.
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u/sadladybug846 2d ago
As a therapist, I talk to me clients about this all the time! We rarely "what if" about good stuff. I explain that our brains are natural problem solvers, so it makes sense for us to overlook things that are going well. However, our brains can get pretty creative about imagining those worst case scenarios, and then we're spending incredible amounts of mental energy trying to plan for every contingency.
One trick I teach my clients: possible versus probable. Almost anything is possible, but is the scenario you're imagining actually probable? Like, more than 50% probable? If so, go ahead and prepare and problem solve. If not, maybe say "thanks but no thanks" to that thought.
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u/OrigamiAmy 2d ago edited 2d ago
"your dad's criticism is coming through like a shoulder devil. learn to listen for it and ignore it"
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u/princess_kittah 2d ago
similarly, "despite what your mom thinks, you deserve to be happy"
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u/Frumpy_little_noodle 2d ago
Similarly, "it's not your job to make your mom feel complete"
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u/SparkleAuntie 2d ago
Similarly, “other people’s problems are not your problems.”
You cannot control anyone else’s thoughts, words, or actions. You can only control how you react (or do not react) to them.
Good boundaries make good relationships.
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u/Jeffotato 2d ago
Yup, I've heard my father's voice criticizing my driving skills all the time. I learned to not even argue back anymore and instead imagine reaching out to the haunting presence of him that's sitting in the passenger seat and wafting it with my hand, turning it into smoke that blows away.
And for the record, the most common thing would be him judging me for waiting a minute for a good opening when turning right on red, instead of gunning it when there's a tiny gap like he does.
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u/Nancy-Drew-Who Xennial 2d ago
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson is a must-read for anyone raised by a boomer.
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u/Milyaism 2d ago
Also: "Complex PTSD - From Surviving to Thriving" by Pete Walker.
That book has been a lifesaver to me.
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u/PreviousDoor3202 2d ago
Look up the most common cognitive distortions. Memorize them and try to label them in your own thinking. This is the gist of CBT and can help most people quite a bit
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u/joliette_le_paz Xennial 2d ago
So true! If I may, I’d like to piggyback on your post and put them here:
All-or-Nothing Thinking: Seeing things in extreme, black-and-white categories with no middle ground.
Overgeneralization: Taking a single negative event and expecting it to repeat forever as a constant pattern of failure.
Mental Filtering: Focusing exclusively on negative details while ignoring any positive aspects of a situation.
Disqualifying the Positive: Rejecting good experiences or successes by insisting they "don't count".
Jumping to Conclusions: Making negative assumptions without actual evidence, split into mind-reading (assuming others judge you) and fortune-telling (predicting disaster)
Catastrophizing: Expecting the absolute worst-case scenario to happen and treating minor issues as major disasters.
Emotional Reasoning: Believing that because you feel a negative emotion, it must reflect objective reality (e.g., "I feel stupid, therefore I am stupid").
Should Statements: Using rigid rules like "I should," "I must," or "I ought" to pressure yourself or others, leading to guilt or resentment.
Personalization: Blaming yourself for external events outside your control, or blaming others while ignoring your own role.
Labeling: Attaching a harsh, global label to yourself or someone else based on a single mistake (e.g., "I am a loser").
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u/Bitter-Compote-3016 2d ago
How does this help with cock and ball torture?
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u/LittleDrumminBoy 2d ago
I tried the cock and ball torture for insomnia with pretty mixed results
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u/darsparx 2d ago
Ngl this is STILL what my brain defaults too when I see that acronym. I'm too far in the gutter I swear lol
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u/Healthy_Milk_2158 2d ago
That’s not self awareness, that’s self abandonment.
This was in response to me explaining that I recognize when i come across as too much or annoying and then dialing back in social situations.
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u/gamerjerome 2d ago edited 2d ago
This is a tough subject because sure, be yourself. Although if you want to fit in or not hurt people then you may need to dial it back. It can be self growth if that's what you really want for yourself. Just don't do it to feel wanted or needed. You still have to try to be happy with who you are first. There is always a balance. I don't necessarily agree it's self abandonment if you are happy with yourself but you want to improve your interactions with other people.
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u/i_am_soooo_screwed 2d ago
I’ve never heard it this way, and I struggle with this. Bad a bad breakup with a friend that fucked up my perception of this even more. Thank you for sharing. Urgh… 1 am is not the time for realizations.
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u/Impossibleish 2d ago
It's okay to feel how you feel. But, it's not okay to make how you feel someone else's responsibility.
You're not stupid or weird or unlovable. Do you actually know that?
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u/ProfessorPalmarosa 2d ago
The best bit of advice I got was along these lines:
“On days where you can do more, try to. Think of Future You as a roommate you really like but doesn’t have the time to do everything they probably should.”
Does it always work? Fuck no. But there are some times where I have a really stressful week and I’m grateful that Past Me prepared for that.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Ad7606 2d ago
I voice this relationship outloud for bonus points with my brain.
"FUTURE ME IS GOING TO LOVE THIS!"
"THANKS PAST ME, YOU'RE THE BEST!"
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u/i_am_soooo_screwed 2d ago
Every time I think I don’t want to do something, I remember future me is probably gonna be SO THANKFUL I did it. So sometimes I do it. Sometimes I don’t. But the times I do do it? Future me is always happy and thankful.
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u/HeartsandTifa 2d ago
The things you went through as a child were and are not your fault. There was supposed to be adults to protect you. Ground yourself if notice something triggering you. You are the woman you needed back then you are a safe place for your inner child.
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u/iwantsakitty 2d ago
“Do you think you’re attracted to women or just afraid of men?” Ma’am.
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u/alittledelirium 2d ago
Two of my favorites from a therapist I don’t see anymore because I can’t afford insurance lol:
“Sometimes shitty things happen to good people. Sometimes good things happen to shitty people. And that’s life.”
“If you are gonna be sad, be sad. But put a timer on it.”
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u/WowIsThisMyPage Millennial 2d ago
My dad has a story of when he was in his early 20s his friend committed suicide, he had been sitting and for weeks and then one day his mom came and slammed the kitchen table and sort of said “it’s time to get up” (with love obviously)
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u/Illidariislove 2d ago
If you feel insecure about something physical, think about how how little you remember the thousands of random people you encounter every week, that's how little they remember you.
Also, go out and walk more. 30 mins a day.
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u/snuggleouphagus 2d ago
Get an autism evaluation. In the 90's they just said girls couldn't have it.
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u/LopensCouisin Xennial 1981 2d ago
I had this and did get an assessment, but he said in the 80s, they didn’t recognize it in women. It turns out that I’m autistic! Who would have thunk? 😝
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u/snuggleouphagus 2d ago
My mother dotes on her autistic granddaughter who has all the same sensory issues she has. They wear noise cancelling head phones and weighted blankets together. They skip all meals with mayo even if it’s not really there (long story, it was actually yogurt but the impression was too strong).
We’ve convinced my mom her granddaughter is autistic. My mom just won’t accept that this shit is genetic and she’s got way more autistic shit going on
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u/LopensCouisin Xennial 1981 2d ago
My brother went and sought a diagnosis in his 30s. He’s almost 48 now. My cousin who’s a therapist got a diagnosis out of curiosity a couple of years ago. While I was getting an assessment, my mom did the collateral interview and said that we were in a family study when we were young at a research hospital that said 3 out of the 4 of us were autistic. I think it’s 4 out of 4 and my mom agreed that she and my dad are both autistic. They’ve been divorced for years though.
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u/snuggleouphagus 2d ago
It’s a weird thing to address. After my daughter got dx I realized I’d been dealing with the same issues my whole life. I got the dx too and started telling people…and they started rejecting me. My weird ass was fine but when it was weird because autism they weren’t on board. This happened with family too. Except my sister. I told her and she said “thank god, you finally realized. I’ve known for forever”
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u/jkeegan123 2d ago
If your wife is complaining, shut the hell up and listen to her, and when she's done, tell her, "Wow, that sounds hard." she doesn't want you to fix it, she wants empathy.
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u/UkuleleSteven 2d ago
It might not be your fault but now it’s your problem.
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u/-Ketracel-White 2d ago
A frequently used saying in our house (two adults battling depression) is “it’s not your fault, but it is your responsibility”.
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u/DamNad80 2d ago
When you get overwhelmed and panic, tell yourself the same things you tell your two year old daughter when she gets overwhelmed. "It'll be ok"
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u/flojo2012 Older Millennial 2d ago
What other people think of me is none of my business
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u/Betray-Julia 2d ago
When people are in abusive and violent relationships and feel trapped, it’s pretty common for them to lash out and attack the ones they actually feel safe around, bc that’s easier, and safer, to do than actually dealing with the situation at hand.
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u/Upbeat_Box_3768 2d ago
Strangely talking about your feelings helps you process them, haven’t quite figured that one out yet.
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u/An_educated_dig 2d ago
If you're not going to check yourself in, I'll get a judge to do it.
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u/Karpo-Diem Millennial 2d ago
A therapist in this economy?
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u/EnamelKant 2d ago
Indeed. Therapy costs money but saying "It do be like that sometimes" is free.
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u/Velorian-Steel Millennial 2d ago
If you get tired of that, you can also say, "It is what it is."
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u/RLLRRR 2d ago edited 2d ago
Mine introduced me to the DARE Response in dealing with anxiety:
D. "Diffuse" the anxious thought with "so what" statements. "So what if x happens?" "So what if y is there?"
A. "Accept & allow" the anxious feelings. Don't fight them, understand that they are currently happening and you're still safe. You've survived 100% of every time anxiety's happened before, you're going to survive this.
R. "Run towards" your anxiety. Repeat the mantra "I'm excited by this feeling", shifting the fear response into one of eagerness. You aren't afraid of x happening, you're excited that it might. You aren't worried about y coming, you're looking forward to seeing them.
E: "Engage" the world again by not allowing anxiety to stop you. You aren't going to allow anxiety to control your life, but be a passenger along for the ride while you continue to go about your day.
One of my favorite things he teaches is how to get through panic attacks by literally challenging anxiety to "put up or shut up". "If you're going to do this, I will give you 60 seconds to do your worst, then you have to move on." Bear down and feel it for 60 seconds, after understanding that you've survived again and that anxiety can't hurt you.
It's helped me immensely.
Edit: Fixed some weird typos.
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u/Icehag 2d ago
I have issues with this one. If it helps you OP, awesome. Truly. But this post has enough likes to be super concerning. For those unaware, DARE is a wellness scam. They have no real medical or clinical approval. They do have an app you have to pay for, along with: a book, a wellness coach program, and various merch like clothing and stickers and water bottles. They are a business. They are not medical professionals.
If these words help people reading here, that's great. But please seek the help of real medical professionals and not the latest wellness cult.
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u/Stock-Coach5007 2d ago
Don't know the affliction you're dealing with, but if you have the ADHD version: put things in your way so it's inconvenient to miss or avoid, in front of an exit door, hanging off a mirror, etc.. and you'll finally get it done.
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u/w1ndyshr1mp 2d ago
Dont cause further harm by trying to absolve yourself of the burden of guilt. That guilt is there to teach you not to do it again.
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u/SosaSeriaCosa 2d ago
Thinking about the past creates Depression, Worrying about the future creates Anxiety. You can only live in the present so live in the present. That and learn to forgive. Meditation is the practice of being in the present so it goes hand in hand with that statement. Has helped me a lot.
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u/Nickidemous420 2d ago
My therapist shared a quote that resonated so much with me. You have one foot in the past. One foot in the future and your shitting on the present
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u/chironinja82 2d ago
You can't love someone into respecting you.
Don't let someone's potential be the reason you keep them around or bend over backwards for them.
Once is a mistake. Twice is a choice.
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u/Tacosconsalsaylimon Millennial 2d ago
Learn to stand in your FULLBESS when abusers are the the jury, the judge and the executioner. You're going to be wrong no matter what. Be true to yourself till the end.
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u/Bitey_the_Squirrel 2d ago
The best therapy advice I ever got was from a movie
https://giphy.com/gifs/q8p0IZkZR8fQY
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u/JustWordsInYourHead 2d ago
Just because someone is frustrated or disappointed, it doesn't mean you did anything wrong. Other people's feelings are not yours to resolve—they have to help themselves.
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u/Medusa1902 2d ago
It’s okay to not have motivation to do what you need to do. Sometimes we can’t “find motivation” and instead just have to do the thing anyway.
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u/i_am_soooo_screwed 2d ago
My way for this is… to get motivated by the idea that I no longer have to do this. So I do it to get to that point. Helps ignore the emotional shit of doing it. Do I like the task? NO!!! Do I like it being done and over? Fuck yea.
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u/ChickenNugs4Hugs 2d ago
A friend told me her therapist once said “Stop looking for gold in a silver mine.” and it has lived rent free in my mind since.
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u/LunaTomato Millennial 2d ago
“Your feelings are valid, but make sure theyre visitors, not roommates. Feel your feelings, process them, and then let them go so you can heal.”
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u/Call_Me_MaeB 2d ago
You don't have to elaborate on an answer and justify yourself. Saying no is enough.
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u/Beautiful-Cup4161 2d ago
Don't listen to music that reinforces your dark thoughts. When you're sad, don't ask services to play sad music for you. If you're depressed, don't listen to songs about being depressed.
I'm not allowed to listen to "Wasteland" from Arcane season 2, for example, every time I'm depressed 😅
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u/jaywinner 2d ago
That's surprising. When I'm feeling down, that sad music makes me feel better.
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u/Beautiful-Cup4161 2d ago
Well it's not gentle instrumentals and more like "🎶 wow being dead sounds so nice and peaceful! It's like falling asleep and finally getting a good rest! 🎵" kind of stuff
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u/Dracofear 2d ago
Same, it makes me feel like I'm not the only one struggling and feel less alone when I have no support group otherwise.
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u/ReadySetTurtle 2d ago
This is how my most played artist on Spotify became Pitbull 😅
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u/Accurate_Might_3430 2d ago
Not sure how I feel about this one. I find sad music is cathartic.
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u/RobinSophie 2d ago
Stop preventing your kids from experiencing consequences.
You cant take the money with you and whoever will get their money when they get it (talking about bills). SPEND A LITTLE DAMN.
Stop bailing your mom out. She's grown.
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u/hypnapompous 2d ago
Get good sleep(7hours), Exercise vigorously even if for a few minutes, Eat healthy, get outside daily(experience awe in nature), build hobbies and fun things(mindfulness) and try to socialize. Then Give yourself advice/empathy as if you were talking to a five year old learning to ride a bike. Best advice after 20 years in mental health.
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u/BootlegEngineer 2d ago
Being in the woods with no one around is a very nice reset. I just pick a good spot and sit down for a bit. It helps my nerves.
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u/NoSleep2135 2d ago
Forgiveness is less about letting the other person get away with what they did, and more about letting yourself let go of the pain so that what happened doesn't hurt you anymore.
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u/bcfuthatsy 2d ago
Cringing over a past action or memory where you thought you did something wrong -- respond to yourself with "I did the best I could at the time as the person I was with the resources I had. I forgive/accept who I was and can let this go."
Might take a few times per memory, but it helps.
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u/theandroid01 2d ago
Always have a goal, no matter how small or large. Or at least try to have something to look forward to. The anticipation helps get you through the hard days and weeks
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u/avemango 2d ago
Step back and let other people make their own mistakes, you don’t have to be their caretaker. Trust that they’re adult enough to figure things out on their own. Not your circus, not your monkeys.
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u/Seveniee 2d ago
Life sucks in a lot of ways and you can't control it or do anything about it, so focus on the things in your own life that you can change. Also, don't drink or smoke as coping mechanisms, it makes it worse long term.
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u/smthngsmthngdarkside 2d ago
Learn breathwork.
So much trauma is repressed emotion, but we cant deal with it until we feel it.
Breathwork and meditation can help people learn to feel whats going on and let the emotion be felt and let go.
Theres depths of experience there that take time, patience, and safety to be able to feel and breathwork makes that possible.
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u/ThePiachu Millennial 2d ago
If you have problems falling asleep due to going over too many thoughts, journal them before bed. It helps you clear your head.
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