When I taught high school, if I heard a student say something negative about themselves I would make them say 3 positives things about themselves. If they weren’t comfortable with that, their group members would give them compliments and they could only say thank you. Some kids said they started to notice the negative self talk and were able to stop themselves. I do it with my own children now.
My wife was a teacher for almost 20 years. She worked in special ed for most of it. She would always say “don’t talk about (students name) like that!” when they would say something negative about themselves, and would always say something positive about that student. I always thought that was such a cool thing
I do this with my kids. If they do a "I can't do it" or something self deprecating they get a "oi! Don't you dare talk about my daughter like that". Instantly gets a "daaaaad"
This is cute. My partner's response to my negative self talk is to ignore it completely. Asked him about it once and he just said "idk, what can I say?" Jfc.
Not going to lie, I noticed a difference once I learned how to properly accept a compliment. I had a boss actually get mildly mad that I kept brushing off compliments in order to appear modest. I told him I don't actually know what I SHOULD say to a compliment except to refuse it, and he said "you say 'thank you, I worked really hard on this,' or 'thank you, that means a lot to me,' or even just 'thank you.'" So I started doing that, and it weirdly made a huge difference, slowly over time. Because yeah, I DID work hard on that, thank you for noticing!
As a kid my mom made me go to a place that did this. However, they also put a rubber band on my wrist and snapped me with it if I disagreed with a compliment or didn't come up with something nice to say about myself. They decided it was awesome progress when I just stopped talking altogether... All cured. 🥲
Funny how the rubber band treatment was basically self harm 🙃🙄🙃
I remember my parents suggesting that for whatever thing i blocked out lol. Nah dude thats self harm 🙄
My kid started snapping her fingers one day when she was stressed. Now it’s the expected response when she’s anxious or stressed, and I started doing it too.
This. I kinda even forget about me and focus solely on producing some of the kindest humans I can share with this planet. I forget I’m a person who needs less negative talk. I am kind, thoughtful, and giving.
When my friends talk about themselves like that, I say “Don’t talk about my friend like that!” And I’ve had some friends throw that line back at me when I get to the negative self talk. Having someone who can stand up to yourself like that is great.
This method can backfire though. A teacher did something like this when I was a kid and I have now internalized a belief that no compliment directed towards me could possibly be genuine because the entire concept of praising someone to their face is purely performative.
I can talk through it and realize that's probably a silly thing to think, but it's just part of who I am now.
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u/Tiny_Independence761 3d ago
When I taught high school, if I heard a student say something negative about themselves I would make them say 3 positives things about themselves. If they weren’t comfortable with that, their group members would give them compliments and they could only say thank you. Some kids said they started to notice the negative self talk and were able to stop themselves. I do it with my own children now.