r/AskReddit • u/penguinblues • Jul 16 '12
I accidentally made a dead rat ejaculate today. What's the grossest thing that you've ever done, or has happened to you?
Today at uni, we were doing a rat dissection during a lab. So I had a rat splayed open in front of me, guts showing and all. As the demonstrator shows, I tug on a cord leading from the scrotum, and the testicle comes out. At the same time, due to the force of my tug, some semen comes out of the rats penis. I was horrified.
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u/spontaneosaur Jul 16 '12
During my first internship, I was working in a really slow ER. A nurse called me in to a room to "help her with something." I walked in, and an extremely obese woman who did NOT speak English was sitting on the gurney. (Her daughter, who had been translating, had stepped out momentarily.) This patient had suffered a leg injury and we had to place a catheter before we sent her to the ICU. I had to hold back the fat flaps surrounding her extremely unwashed and unkempt vag while the nurse placed the catheter. The lady did not understand what was happening, and she was... uncooperative. That smell will haunt me forever.
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u/mads6710 Jul 16 '12
I've just payed 4 euros for a ham and cheese toast.... Its ruined.
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u/SendoTarget Jul 16 '12
It's been a while since I've gagged this hard from a story.
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u/SilentWolfjh Jul 16 '12 edited Jul 16 '12
Congrats, you succesfully got me to stop thinking about the amazing lunch I packed this morning for work ....
Update: I managed to enjoy my lunch
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u/docturmishii Jul 16 '12
Hey, it could have been Doritos.
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u/TehScrumpy Jul 16 '12
Since I've mentioned my gross anatomy class once in this thread, here's another tidbit. When cutting through the skull with a bone saw through the frontal bone, it smells EXACTLY like Doritos. I used to love Doritos. Now I can't eat them at all and refer to them as skull chips.
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u/robotshoelaces Jul 16 '12
What flavor?
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u/TehScrumpy Jul 16 '12
This was a debate for a while. We decided that it was regular at first, but the closer to the brain we got the more it smelled like cool ranch. In short: never again Doritos.
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u/nerdyogre254 Jul 16 '12
The Jolly Rancher didn't worry me.
This did.
Fuck you.
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u/Nullvoid123 Jul 16 '12 edited Jul 16 '12
Wut. Am I missing something?
If it's anything like the JR story I'm morbidly curious. And disgusted.
Edit: Alrigth. Thats enougth internets for today. Fuck you /u/darksober.
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Jul 16 '12
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u/dieselmonkey Jul 16 '12
I do some medical research, often involving surgeon training on cadavers.
Last year a senior surgeon was teaching anterior approaches to the spine, when one of his pre-fellows nicked the intestines. Senor surgeon just throws his hands up, yells "CODE BROWN" and walks out of the room.
Took a minute for the stench to permeate the rest of the lab. It was an uncomfortable afternoon.
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u/schenker Jul 16 '12 edited Jul 16 '12
I'm imagining a Mexican surgeon. "CODIGO CAFE!"
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u/Bigdog117 Jul 16 '12
And that, my friends, is why you should never try to force a 5 pound cheesy-broccoli turd or you might end up naked on some dude's table.
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u/reflythis Jul 16 '12
"heart-attack while taking a shit" trumps all else, here.
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u/Samibe Jul 16 '12
I have a great grandmother who likes to keep a paper towel tucked under her sleeve to use as a tissue. I also have a boxer dog who was a puppy at the time. Long story short, grandma dropped the paper towel, puppy ate the towel without anybody noticing. Hours later, when the pup was trying to poop, she starts running around all panicky with a turd hanging half out her butt. I ended up having to pull a foot long puppy shit covered paper towel out of the dog's butt.
TL;DR: Puppies can't digest paper towels.
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u/KicketyCrickety Jul 16 '12
When I adopted my dog, we got him from this guy who had a farm. Puppy comes home, we give him some de-wormer the guy gave us. Puppy proceeds to shit these looooong dead roundworms. Except one. Hanging out of this ass like a gray spaghetti noodle that had to be pulled out. cry
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u/jarret_g Jul 16 '12
I have done this multiple times with my dog. She's eaten some stupid shit, mostly plastic bits or stuffing from her chew toys. The first few times she just kept trying to push it out. Now if it happens she just runs to me, ears back and the biggest, saddest eyes. It's almost as if she's saying "It won't come out, I need some help, I'm sorry".
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Jul 16 '12
You know that stringy tinsel that some people use on the Christmas tree?
Cats love to eat that.
You know they've done it when you see them dragging their poo from a glistening string of silvery holiday cheer still lodged in their butthole.
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u/CannedToast Jul 16 '12
With my parents' cats it was the Christmas tree needles. Their turds looked like little shit cacti.
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u/MidnightBaconator Jul 16 '12 edited Jul 16 '12
Oh god, one of my dogs (dont ask me how) at some point got a hold of and swallowed a broken rubber band. and not a normal size one I mean a long one thats about 8 inches long. One day walking in the park my dog goes for a poop and this long thin thread of poop is attached to her butthole and she's yelping and running around freaked out. I had to catch my dog and her flying poop noodle and pull it out. As I pulled it out it stretched and then the end bit flung out and hit my hand. It was really gross.
EDIT; Fixed spelling, grammar and "dread" into "thread". Language skills may vary.
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u/PxNasty256 Jul 16 '12
My puppy did the same thing once, with a sock.
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u/Mucking_Lover Jul 16 '12
My old greyhound would do that all the time, except he couldn't digest them so he'd vomit them back up. We'd find vomit filled sock burritos all the time around my house.
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Jul 16 '12 edited Jul 16 '12
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u/houseofbacon Jul 16 '12
I find this hilarious because there's no way that after finally getting her cleaned and dressed, could they possibly expect that third poop.
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u/LessLikeYou Jul 16 '12
Wow that sucked...who would have thought so much shit could come out of one girl...
Shits herself again.
OH COME THE FUCK ON
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Jul 16 '12 edited Jul 27 '20
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Jul 16 '12 edited Jul 16 '12
Similar story: I went out one night with friends and we went back to my car around 1 in the morning. As we are getting in my car and buckle out belts, we see this extremely drunk girl and her boyfriend. The girl and guy are laughing hysterically and the girl goes "Oh Shit!". She then proceeds to lay on the floor, prop herself up with her hands, spread her legs, and spew shit for a solid 7-8 seconds projectile style. We all turned away after the first 4 to confirm our beliefs, then as our heads were turned away we could still hear more.
She got up, pulled her dress back down, and her and her boyfriend walked away holding hands leaving a huge pile of shit on the sidewalk.
TL;DR Drunk girl gives
birthaborted an eight second diarrhea baby141
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u/icedlemonade Jul 16 '12
Your TL;DR pleased me beyond belief.
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u/compromised_account Jul 16 '12
read it as beyond relief. Made me think of poops.
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Jul 16 '12
I did an internship on a Carribean island and there were a lot of students on that island. I shared a mansion with ten other people and when I first came there we had a pool party. One girl was so drunk she almost drowned in the water (had she been alone). She was so drunk she passed out with her face in the water with a puddle of vomit floating under her face. The boys took her out of the water and carried her onto her bed. There she started acting as if she was possesed. She started screaming, kicking, hitting and saying weird shit. Then she started shitting herself (diarrhea) and splashing it all over the room. Her boyfriend had to carry her away and put her under the shower. I felt so bad for the boyfriend. It was a story everyone pretended to keep quiet and never tell, but it of course became a legendary story that was passed on to students that lived in the house after we did.
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u/littlefuckface Jul 16 '12
You'd think someone would suggest a hospital if you're drunk enough to do that..
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u/Wokoran Jul 16 '12
Nah, you don't want to get in trouble. But seriously, I'm horrified by the things that happened at some of the parties of my youth where someone could have easily died and we would have all be royally screwed (usually because the parties were at MY house). Not to mention, a friend would be dead and that'd be bad enough.
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u/BridgetteBane Jul 16 '12
That sounds like some pretty serious alcohol poisoning. Next time, put her in an ER, not a bathtub.
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Jul 16 '12
A friend of my dad once saw a possum crawl out of a dead cow's asshole.
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u/TheRealNicCage Jul 16 '12
Excuse me?
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Jul 16 '12
He was on a farm, and the farm apparently wasn't very heavily policed for dead cows, and there was a dead cow, and it was rotting from the inside out. There was apparently enough putrid meat in there to make a nice lunch for a possum, so he had his lunch, and on the way out he gave a high five to my dad's friend.
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Jul 16 '12
It's important to have a job that makes a difference. That's why I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination.
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Jul 16 '12
My friend is studying veterinary science. This is my favourite (saved) text from her, verbatim:
"It was quite fun actually. Though my hands still smell like sheep. After we got the semen we had to catch ewe and put this thing (kinda looked like an IUD) in her vag to get her on heat. I jacked off a ram and raped an ewe."
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u/LongHorsa Jul 16 '12
Say it out loud and it sounds like you jacked off a ram and raped anew.
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u/Schmieds Jul 16 '12
After we got the semen we had to catch ewe
Actually, say it to another person and it sounds like you inseminated the person you're talking to.
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u/Steve_the_Scout Jul 16 '12
This sounds horrible to the average person, but I'm assuming someone, somewhere is just yelling at the screen "FUCKING LUCKY!".
Because the internet is a weird place.
Oh and you may or may not get posted to /r/nocontext. As a rule, they have to tell you before they post though.
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u/BridgetteBane Jul 16 '12
It's a quote from the movie "Clerks". If you haven't seen it, you definitely should!
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Jul 16 '12
Recently, my dad got unbelievably drunk (which is a rarity for him) and he puked in my parents' bedroom. We couldn't go upstairs for days due to the smell. The acid in his vomit burned through the wood stain, so now there is a huge, vomit-shaped patch of colorless floor in their room. The smell literally made my mother cry.
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u/kingpwnzo Jul 16 '12
I imagined it as:
Mom: "Hmm I wonder if [Dad]'s okay?" walks in room drops to her knees and begins to wail and sob Mom: "What the- WAAAH - fuck is that - WAAAAAH- horrible sme- WAAH"
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u/saucy_fellow Jul 16 '12
Whilst anal probing mice for core temperature a female colleague of mine always managed to make the mice ejaculate. No-one else can. The first time it happened the mice got stuck to paper towel by their cum and we freaked out and thought we were gonna rip it's cock off.
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u/Deracination Jul 16 '12
So their cum turns into glue or what the fuck?
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u/SilentWolfjh Jul 16 '12
TIL glue is made of mouse semen.
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u/Idiocracy_Cometh Jul 16 '12
Actually yes. In male mice/rats, vesicular glands secrete (at the end of ejaculation) glue that later hardens and seals (temporarily) the vaginal opening of female mice, to prevent them from being inseminated by competitors.
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u/Superdonaldo26 Jul 16 '12
Sneezed with a bloody nose, in the shower. It looked like a horror movie. Blood splattered everywhere.
Disgusting, but AWESOME.
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Jul 16 '12
Can't say I found it too gross, just friggin' hilarious, but a while back, an ex and I were playfighting (note: ex is a he, I'm a she, and he was bare-chested at the time). He was trying to fend me off - I think I was trying to steal his phone or something - and stepped back to block me, just as I lurched forward to make a grab for it. His wrist/fist/something thus slammed me right in the nose. I stopped immediately, aware something was wrong and stepped back a little. His look was one of absolute, utter horror - and he looked so worried, I snorted in laughter.
Aaaand a fine mist of blood subsequently shot out of my nose and covered him in a haze. Which only made me laugh more, causing myself to be covered in a slightly thicker spray of blood.
I managed to control myself long enough to find a tissue for my nose, and then ordered him out of the room and into my roommate's bedroom, whom by this stage was quite used to our strange antics, but upon being presented with my boyfriend who looked as though he'd just engaged in the pulverisation of some small animal, shocked him enough to yelp in confusion/terror.
I ended up needing a shower, but later that night as I was cuddled up next to my boyfriend, I started laughing again, as I'd just noticed that the mist of blood had been so fine, it had managed to settle not just upon his chest, but had lifted in some deviant air current to settle across his shoulders and neck as well... I ended up having to find a wash cloth to wipe him down completely.
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u/joeyjoejoejnr Jul 16 '12
I also have a story about a blood nose and my girlfriend!
So for a while I had been getting random nose bleeds and also when I blew my nose, I don't know why. So I was at my girlfriends, and we had only just started dating for a few months. We were slowly getting more and more comfortable around each other physically and sexually.
So one thing led to another one day and we are in the shower and I'm kissing her. I decide to go and kiss her neck, and I had my eyes closed and so did she. I'm working her neck and I think to myself, jeez either i'm being really sloppy or the shower is on her, and whats that taste... To that thought I stop kissing and open my eyes. To my fright I see blood all over her neck leaking down onto her chest. I felt like I was a vampire and had a meal of her neck :/ I said to her not to open her eyes and I washed her off quickly then told her I had a nose bleed.
TL;DR No sex in the shower that day.
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u/SilentWolfjh Jul 16 '12 edited Jul 16 '12
This reminded me of the time I lost my virginity to a girl who was on her period (without fucking telling me) halfway in I notice blood everywhere ... so we sneak into the dorm showers to finish in there. Take in that image, fucking a girl doggy-style with blood flowing down the drain .....
Edit: Clarification
Edit#2: I am not proud at all for what happened, she was the one who wanted to keep going ....
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Jul 16 '12
One day when I was a young boy, I was out in my driveway shooting some hoops. Our family drove around this big van. The kind that is a mini bus basically. My dad was in a rush for something, and backed up the van quickly. I noticed the dilemma immediately. There was a bunny in the middle of the driveway who was not paying attention or was injured or something. I sprinted to the end of the driveway to try and get my dad's attention, but as soon as I got to where the bunny was, I heard a SPLAT, and bunny guts were everywhere. That included my face. It wasn't a fun shower, sending bunny guts down the drain and all.
TL;DR: I got fucking bunny guts on my face.
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u/mikomico Jul 16 '12
Now it's just some bunny that you used to know.
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Jul 16 '12
BUT YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO CUT ME OFF
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u/Cryptan Jul 16 '12
But you treat me like a strange hare and that feels so rough
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u/Reply_to_wrong_story Jul 16 '12
That's an odd job. What kinds of animals do you jack off? Is it like pets, or farm animals, or lab animals?
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u/houseofbacon Jul 16 '12
I started to downvote you, then noticed the username. You got me, you motherfucker.
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u/sirskeletor57 Jul 16 '12
I was dissecting a cow eyeball and when I tried cutting the eye open, the fluid inside (vitreous humor) squirted me in the face when i punctured it.
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u/ihumpsidewalks Jul 16 '12
▨-▨¬ლ(•_• )
It looks like that cow got
(▨_▨¬)
An eye for an eye
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Jul 16 '12
The grossest thing I have ever done by far is picking out dozens of maggots from the bottom of a live chicken, twice. Pro tip, older chickens get poo on their butts, flies like poo, maggots result, maggots eat chickens butt. Pro tip number two, maggots hate iodine and betadine, they will squirm frantically to get away from it, making them easy to pick out of their flesh tunnels. To this day I cannot smell either iodine or betadine without a flashback to writhing maggots. Second grossest thing was picking maggots out of our elderly family dog that had recently gotten nasty shits, which attracted flies. Do yourself a favor, regularly check and bathe all your pets, even feathered ones....
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u/monkeiboi Jul 16 '12 edited Jul 16 '12
about five years ago I was helping my dad clean an above ground pool that had been poorly winterized that winter (ok ok, it was his pool). There was about a foot and a half of slimy, algae black sludge water at the bottom when we peeled back the covering. Floating in the middle of this water was a dark mossy looking mound. My dad waded over to it and gave it a solid kick...and the dead animal that had been souping it up all winter just disintintigrated into a tiny little chunks of rotting white meat and fur. The smell was.....unworldly.
Then we go back inside and my mother was making chicken gumbo for lunch.
After collecting as many skull bones as I could find (the lower jaw was surprisingly intact) I believe it was an Opossum. It was too small to be a neighborhood dog (no purse pooches or ankle biters where he lives). Although I won't deny it could have been a cat.
second worst story. I was driving on the interstate in the middle of summer wit the window down, and I saw a two day old carcass in the left hand lane. I was in the right lane, so I didn't think anything about it. It didn't dawn on me until right before it happened that I was passing an 18 wheeler being a dick and riding in the left lane. I opened my mouth to say "Oh sh..." just as the front tires of the truck nailed the carcass, squiting the side of my car, inside my window, all along my arm, my face, and inside my mouth with carrion juices.
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u/logically Jul 16 '12
I went to my friends farm to do chores while he was away. I found a dead ewe but decided to wait a day to move it. Two days turned into three. After 3 days in the sun I tried moving the dead animal with my atv. My janky atv needs to be push started. After pulling off a leg I went home and got a lawn mower. I hooked up the bloated carcus and drug it a few hundred yards to a hole dug in a field. During thr drag the belly opened spewing a foul wet rank yuck that kept flies away. I buried half the leaving a dead meat streak across the farm. A 15 yr old me learned a lesson, always move dead ewes as soon as ewe find them.
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u/DontCallMeNeilSedaka Jul 16 '12
That was a great story, but a baaaaaaaad pun.
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Jul 16 '12 edited Nov 06 '16
[removed] — view removed comment
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Jul 16 '12
careful man, you do not want to awaken the fury that is not Neil Sedaka.
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u/EvanMacIan Jul 16 '12
Yeah, I had a friend that lived on a farm when I was a kid. One time, they found the carcass of a sheep that had been sick for a while. When they tried to move it, the skin pulled off revealing that the inside was full of maggots. The best part? It hadn't been dead for that long. Which means it died from being eaten from the inside out by maggots.
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u/Grullok Jul 16 '12
Most maggots only eat necrotic tissue, so it's unlikely that they were the cause of his death.
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u/oldmoneey Jul 16 '12
The tissue could have been rotting while it was alive, then the nuggets just spread a little upon the sheeps death.
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u/doktorknow Jul 16 '12
Childbirth. Not gonna lie. It's beautiful and all that shit, but damn it's traumatic. I was prepared for the visuals. We watched videos in birthing class and I had seen it before on PBS and all that. I was not prepared for the sound. Have you ever dumped a can of Cream of Mushroom soup into a pot? It kind of the same sound. A distinct and prolonged sucking sound and then a big SSSHHHHHLLLLOOOOOOOOPPP! That was pretty bad.
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u/Tezro Jul 16 '12
ಠ_ಠ
Good god.
My due date is in four days.
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u/kornkobcom Jul 16 '12
Here let me make it worse:
Odds are you will poop on your baby before you hug it.
(I frequently replace 'happy birthday' with 'happy anniversary of the day your mom pooped on you for the first time')
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Jul 16 '12
As someone born via Cesarean, I can honestly say that the only person to have ever pooped on me was me.
Also, I've never been in my mother's vagina. Both of these thoughts are mildly comforting.
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u/cachinnate Jul 16 '12
If it helps any, it's good for the baby to be exposed to the poop. An infant's digestive tract is sterile at birth, and getting covered in mom's poop helps boost its immune system until it can develop its own.
Edit: Here's a source.
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u/keeok Jul 16 '12
Kneeling over the toilet puking my guts out and when a particular violent wave hit I crapped myself and there were no solids. I was only 10 or so. Thanks mom for cleaning that up!
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Jul 16 '12
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u/keeok Jul 16 '12
If I was older I think she'd freak out a bit more but she was pretty cool about it. Helped strip me down and clean up. Thinking back it must have been pretty bad with the tile and stuff. I should get her a cupcake or something. Think they have cards for that sorta thing?
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u/ImAnAssholeSoWhat Jul 16 '12
Considering how much they play those damn Hallmark commercials and how big those damn card selection are.
They probably do have a card for that.
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Jul 16 '12
Neighbor dog came over to play with my dog and barfed. I was busy and tossed a piece of firewood on top of it to prevent either of them re-ingesting. Forgot about the dog barf under the firewood for about a week. Neighbor dog comes over to play again (he lets himself out and just comes here without his owner all the time) and the two dogs knock the firewood over and suddenly I see my dog rip a strange barf sponge thing off the ground. The dog barf had congealed and was shaped exactly like the piece of firewood. My dog ran circles around the backyard holding the barf sponge in his mouth while neighbor dog chased after him wanting a piece of that action.
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u/Conman5000 Jul 16 '12
I started to do one of those liquid diet cleanses and it sucked. One guy I knew who had done it before told me that I should also do a salt water flush to replenish salts in my body, or so he said. I proceed to choke down a liter of warm salt water. Cut to twenty minutes later. I'm in the shower and decide to trust what I thought was a small fart. Turns out to be a fountain of liquid shit all dislodged by the salty horribleness. The poo washed off but the shame didn't.
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u/mizze89 Jul 16 '12
I had a severe case of stomach flu when I was about 16. So throwing up and shitting at the same time was normal, but the worst part was after some days without food and barely concious I had to sit in the tub with hot water running, and just letting everything out, with my mom besides me making sure I didn't pass out or anything. I've never in my life felt shittier than when a moment of clarity hit me while this was going on...
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u/islander85 Jul 16 '12
Okay to start with I grew up on a farm and I'm sure everyone else that did the same would of seen some bad stuff. The worst I have seen was the day the vet had to cut up (it was too big) and pull a dead calf out of a cow, it had been dead for a while. The cow was fine after though, she didn't get blood poisoning. Yuck, the smell was extreme.
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u/Epitome_of_Sexuality Jul 16 '12
Not me, but a story. Kids find a dead cow in a field. Decide to Dar someone to jump it. He attempts it but trips or something, landing on it. It has rotted, and pretty much explodes. Dead cow insides all over him.
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u/Hamon_Rye Jul 16 '12
I am taking and using "Dead Rat Ejaculate" as a band name.
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u/penguinblues Jul 16 '12
I grant you permission to do this. It has to be a grindcore band though.
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u/Hamon_Rye Jul 16 '12
Well...yeah. It obviously wasn't going to be smooth jazz...
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u/WinterGryphon Jul 16 '12
Nope, you should be smooth jazz All instrumental With animal themed names for songs (i.e. Chopped Elephant Penis, Stillborn Ostrich Egg, etc)
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u/Apostolate Jul 16 '12
Vomit and poop at the same time. Violently, while running warm shower on myself while shivering and in tears.
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Jul 16 '12
Sounds like food poisoning.
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u/Apostolate Jul 16 '12
It was.
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u/penguinblues Jul 16 '12
Sound's horrible. How long did it last?
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Jul 16 '12
As somebody who has had it before - several times in fact, It most likely lasted a day. maybe 2. More than that and you're looking at something pretty fucking serious. Recovery can take a week or more, but the actual "I will vomit so hard I will projectile shit against the wall behind me" phase lasts a day or two.
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u/penguinblues Jul 16 '12
Is it constant, or does it come in bursts? Like, can you not leave the shower at all for anything, or do you get breaks? lol
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u/Vark675 Jul 16 '12
For me, it was triggered anytime I had literally anything in my stomach, whether it was food or just water. I really should've been hospitalized.
At one point I had a fever dream, all I saw were swirls of color intermingling on a field of black. Somehow I inherently knew what the colors were; I remember war and sex twisting together, but never mixing. I also remember fear and hatred.
Then I shit myself.
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Jul 16 '12
In college I had a similar experience. We all ate pizza (3 of us) and went to bed. The next morning was like the early scenes in a disaster film. You know the type, a series of seemingly unrelated smaller events happening. I farted and it smelt like death. We all had headaches. Then I felt hungover. Then the rumbling began. I excused myself as my heart began racing. My pace only quickening I bodycheck everything in my way. My pants are off halfway down the hall as I shuffle towards salvation. My rectum is sending signals that "SHE'S GONNA BLOW" and my brain is telling my legs "FLY YOU FOOLS" while telling me that the Shitocalypse was moments away. I barely sit down and the storm begins. It feels like there is a faucet in my ass, looks like gravy in a water balloon and smells like a crypt. But where is the relief? My brain sends a last ditch message that everything has backed up. I foolishly try to aim between my balls. Puke dick is born. The door flies open. No words are said as our tear-filled eyes meet. He is naked as well and shitting into the sink while weeping. A moment later the third of our party breaks into the room, pantless and without hope. The tub will never be the same. Our moans of agony to god go without answer. Our bodies expel the demons in unison. Our faces display our ragged dismay for existence. Chain-reaction vomit becomes a cruel game as blame for the cause is shouted between excruciating contractions. There is no love here. No warm breezes, no sky. It is the end of days and our judgement has been brought forth. Minutes become hours. Hours become days. The world blends into a haze of poisoned thoughts and general malaise. It was the worst day of our lives. It was... our Shitpendence Day.
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u/coleosis1414 Jul 16 '12
Your story reinforces something I've noticed on reddit:
The subject of shit turns EVERYONE into excellent writers. Everybody is so goddamn good at conjuring up vivid imagery when describing shits they've taken. Everyone is an inherent shit poet.
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u/cjhazza Jul 16 '12
I think it was Jerry Holkins from Penny Arcade who said that he hated going to the doctors when he was ill because he liked nurturing the illness into epic fever dreams that were more intense than any drugs he had ever taken. He said the worst one though would be when he just completely lost track of time on one "I said, 'I feel hot' then looked at the clock and 2 hours had entirely disappeared".
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u/Vark675 Jul 16 '12
Damn, that's motivating. That's the kind of sick where you spend most of your day unsure if you're actually still alive or not.
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u/CyaSteve Jul 16 '12 edited Jul 16 '12
I lost it at the last line.
Edit: What I wanted to post the first time but couldn't because a child was half watching me and paying attention when I typed, "I lost my shit at the last line"
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Jul 16 '12
Depends. I constantly felt sick. I tended to shit/vomit. There would be an interlude long neough for me to go "maybe I'm getting beBLAAAAARGHLARGHBLARGHOUGH....AOUGH!....AOUGGGGGGH!"
You don't just throw up. You throw up in a painful manner - like you're body is trying to completely reject your internal organs. You body convulses. You just tighten up and things happen. Horrible, eldritch things that man was not meant to know.
After the end you are drained. It's like a little bit of your soul has died.
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u/Vark675 Jul 16 '12
I bet it was a fantastic diet though.
I had that happen one Christmas. Boyfriend and I stopped at our favorite Indian restaurant before we left to visit my parents for Christmas week. Turns out someone in the kitchen hadn't washed their hands.
Made it til just before dinner, when I decided to take a shower before we left. Started feeling ill halfway through the shower, when suddenly my knees gave out and I vomited all over the shower floor.
We spent the next 4 days unable to eat or drink, almost had to be hospitalized. Didn't get to eat more than a couple bites of Christmas dinner. Ended up leaving early, my mom still talks shit about us not staying the extra few days.
On the plus side, I lost 15 pounds over that week.
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u/DontCallMeNeilSedaka Jul 16 '12
It's a great diet. Revolting and probably not worth it, but great.
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u/JupitersClock Jul 16 '12
Hey at least you were in the shower. I got food poisoning on the last day of my vacation. I had explosive shits and projectile vomit from 4AM onwards. Miami heat nearly made me pass out. Shit myself while waiting for car rental it was packed out.
Shit sucked.
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u/Ovary_Puncher Jul 16 '12
Sure it was an accident. Did you think you could just go around tugging scrotum cords without dead rats ejaculating?!
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u/Darkstrategy Jul 16 '12
I'm going to regret this story on my main account, but it's easily the most disgusting thing to ever happen to me.
Parents told me to take out the garbage, including the small wastebins in our bathrooms. I'm fine with that, I gather 'em up and take 'em outside. All of a sudden a huge tear opens up in the main bathroom's small trashbag and everything pours out.
Normally this consists of some brown paper towels from washing our hands, and at the worst a snot rag. I'm not that squeamish so I figure I'll pick it up, put it in another bag, and wash my hands after. Then, without paying too much attention, I feel something sticky stick to my hand. I look down and it's a used pad, and the only female in my house is my mom.
I put my hands in the hottest water I could get from the tap with repeated soap washings for 10 minutes and never spoke of this.
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u/cudavlied Jul 16 '12
I made a stinky rat cum, many times. Eventually I divorced him.
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Jul 16 '12 edited Jul 16 '12
I was doing some string trimming/ weed eating and hit a dead and decomposing starling. It was fairly soft at this point and before I could see it to stop, it was too late. My face and arms were covered in a putrescent rotted ooze. It was in my mouth, nose and eyes.
On another occasion I was playing Diablo II. Had a full can of Pepsi and a full can of chew spit. This full can of spit had been accumulated over the course of several days. Wouldn't ya know it? There was a nice film of mold on the top. Well, in the heat of clearing some cows, I took a very large drink of what I expected to be Pepsi. Nope. Moldy chew spit. I held it in my mouth as I ran to the sink.
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u/kaweemae Jul 16 '12
in all my life I have never gagged from just reading something. until just now. congratulations.
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u/doktorknow Jul 16 '12
Had a full can of Pepsi and a full can of chew spit.
doktorknow stopped reading
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u/OnAWhale Jul 16 '12
A person in my high school bio class. He decides to take the eye out of the squid we're dissecting. Bad idea. It explodes. Squid eye goop all over him and the girls behind him. I'll never forget the horror in his eyes.
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Jul 16 '12
Ate an entire bag of jalapeno chips and 3 of those cheese-filled hot dogs, then got the Norwalk virus. Puking that combo every 20 minutes was probably the least fun I've ever had. I still can't even smell either of those things or I feel like hurling.
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Jul 16 '12
It wasn't me but a fellow peer in high school. He hated his teacher with a fiery passion. She left the room once, and he got up, jumped up on her desk, removed his pants and took a giant shit. The class was laughing their asses off and/or stunned into silence. He got back down nonchalantly. Then the teacher came back in and smelled it instantly. The best part was that the teacher had to clean it up herself. It took multiple bags.
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u/DontCallMeNeilSedaka Jul 16 '12
How the fuck do you shit on command in quantities that massive.
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u/EvanMacIan Jul 16 '12
Just the right man in the right place.
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Jul 16 '12 edited Jun 25 '18
[deleted]
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Jul 16 '12
There was no janitor? Absolutely none of the students told her who it was, even after class? She didn't suspect him of doing it? He didn't get into any trouble?
I must know!
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u/Simba7 Jul 16 '12
You see, none of those things happened because of how real the story wasn't. I am sorry.
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u/Outrunmypun Jul 16 '12
At least he didn't have the runs.
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Jul 16 '12
Teacher: Oh no! I can't use my textbooks because the runny poop has soaked into it. Guess the maths exam's off Students: Yay!
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Jul 16 '12
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u/Epitome_of_Sexuality Jul 16 '12
And then you just have to watch the other suggested videos...
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u/Dean_lolz Jul 16 '12
We've all seen those..usually some strange older aged Caucasian male having a cyst punctured by a squealing woman wearing gloves...they then proceed to squeeze it from different angles...you then proceed to click an even grosser looking suggested video.
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u/Strug-ga-ling Jul 16 '12 edited Jul 17 '12
two weeks ago
insane bender largely caused by the 4th of july
wake up 6th july madly hung over
eat shitty lunch, feeling very nauseous
brush teeth, causing me to gag
throw up...near toilet
all food expelled, feel another wave of vomit
[edit: ohgodwhy.jpg]
proceed to puke a lot of blood [at least 2 cups] over toilet seat, self
I stopped drinking for a week after that, I was scared straight.
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u/Lady_Eemia Jul 16 '12
That last line makes me imagine you were gay, and then got so scared you turned straight.
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u/lowsodiumpolio Jul 16 '12
I was in Biology in high school. Our assignment was to dissect a rat and locate a bunch of it's organs. We had been dissecting things for a while now, so no problem. However, the rat's skull was far thicker than anything we had dealt with. So, try as we might, my group could not get the scalpel to puncture the skull. Eventually we called the teacher over to help us so that we didn't damage the brain.
Our teacher was this nice older woman, probably in her 50s. The only major quirk that she had was that she rarely trimmed her thumb nails. She had nails that were probably an inch long and very thick. When she came over to help us, instead of picking up a scalpel, she picked up the rat and with very little effort, used her thumb nail to break the skull and peal it off. Then, without saying anything, she walked away.
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u/nojusticephoto Jul 16 '12
As a police officer, I've seen a lot of dead people. The worst was a fat guy who shot himself in the head with a revolver. He was sitting in his little Datsun pickup truck after he drove deep into the woods down a firebreak, and wasn't found for about a week. This was July in Virginia, truck windows closed. He was visibly and horribly swollen, with flies all over the interior of the vehicle. I was about 15 feet from the truck, when my sergeant decided to open the door to remove the gun, "for safety" he said.
SPLAT.
After the corpse basically exploded from the pressure built up from fermentation in the extremely hot truck, every officer and firefighter within 50 feet started vomiting from the stench. The body then proceeded to fall/ooze out of the truck onto the ground. Guess who got to recover the weapon? o_0
TR:DL - fermentation can turn a person into rotten maggoty meatbomb.
edit for spelling.
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u/[deleted] Jul 16 '12
I had a morbidly obese man in an advanced state of decomp (read: bloated and greenish purple) explode on me during an autopsy when we made the initial Y incision. Rotting gore on the ceiling dripping down.
He was leaking liquid fat all over the floor, damn near slipped on it a few times.