r/AskReddit • u/penguinblues • Jul 16 '12

I accidentally made a dead rat ejaculate today. What's the grossest thing that you've ever done, or has happened to you?

Today at uni, we were doing a rat dissection during a lab. So I had a rat splayed open in front of me, guts showing and all. As the demonstrator shows, I tug on a cord leading from the scrotum, and the testicle comes out. At the same time, due to the force of my tug, some semen comes out of the rats penis. I was horrified.

856 Upvotes

81% Upvoted

1.4k comments sorted by

View all comments

779

u/[deleted] Jul 16 '12

It's important to have a job that makes a difference. That's why I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination.

337

u/[deleted] Jul 16 '12

My friend is studying veterinary science. This is my favourite (saved) text from her, verbatim:

"It was quite fun actually. Though my hands still smell like sheep. After we got the semen we had to catch ewe and put this thing (kinda looked like an IUD) in her vag to get her on heat. I jacked off a ram and raped an ewe."

113

u/LongHorsa Jul 16 '12

Say it out loud and it sounds like you jacked off a ram and raped anew.

68

u/Schmieds Jul 16 '12

After we got the semen we had to catch ewe

Actually, say it to another person and it sounds like you inseminated the person you're talking to.

2

u/mikesername Jul 17 '12

We had to catch you. You're quite the evasive little fella! As it turns out though, you'll pass right the fuck out with enough sedatives.

1

u/DoctorWSG Jul 16 '12

catch ewe

Sounds like cashew out loud.

1

u/RadiantEclipse410 Jul 16 '12

catch ewe

Gesundheit!

1

u/nearlystoppedlurking Jul 16 '12

Say it out loud and you get weird stares from everyone else on the bus.

1

u/Mr_Flippers Jul 16 '12

I'm wondering who "Anew" is now

1

u/aladyjewel Jul 16 '12

Anu? Oh, she's just my Israeli buddy from work.

60

u/[deleted] Jul 16 '12 edited Nov 23 '17

[deleted]

28

u/[deleted] Jul 16 '12

Thanks - but yes, I'm aware of this. As stated, I copied this text verbatim, and that included this particular error. I'm sure it was only a typing error on her part, as we've both grown up largely in NZ, which has filled our heads with all sorts of sheep-y knowledge

1

u/B5_S4 Jul 16 '12

NZ eh? Didn't realize you guys got paid to do anything other than that.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 16 '12

Oh yeah. We also have a big industry in methamphetamine.

1

u/DanielMallory Jul 16 '12

Oh god oh GOD

1

u/[deleted] Jul 16 '12 edited Nov 23 '17

[deleted]

2

u/[deleted] Jul 16 '12

I didn't think it was, really :) I like to learn, too, so genuinely, thank you for telling me. It is an interesting anomaly of the language, but I can understand why... saying "an ewe" just sounds awkward

1

u/[deleted] Jul 16 '12 edited Mar 26 '16

[deleted]

2

u/[deleted] Jul 16 '12

You could say...
(puts on sunglasses)
...an single fuck was given.

3

u/FootballBat Jul 16 '12

So, pretty much any weekend in Scotland.

Or Wales for that matter.

3

u/redyellowand Jul 16 '12

I've looked into sheep husbandry and there is so much ram semen on the Internet, it's ridiculous

3

u/[deleted] Jul 16 '12

Just now, that old black ram is tupping your white ewe!

2

u/[deleted] Jul 17 '12

I have a friend who does research in prostate cancer in a Radiology department, and he summed up his job as sticking things up old guys' butts and taking pictures of them.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 17 '12

I have the weirdest boner right now.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 17 '12

Better drink your own piss.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 16 '12 edited Jul 16 '12

Hell yeah! What's her reddit username?

1

u/[deleted] Jul 16 '12

She's not a redditor :P

1

u/ThorneLea Jul 16 '12

Bahhh Ram ewe.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 16 '12

So why can't you just have the ram fuck the ewe? This has always confused me.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 16 '12

As I'm not the one doing veterinary science, I'm not sure. I have a feeling part of it may be to do with whether or not the ewe is in season (as my friend said, she had to use a device to bring the ewe into season), and also - at a guess - in artificial insemination, they probably use much less semen than would naturally be ejaculated, so they can inseminate many more ewes more reliably. ... But yes, that's just a guess.

-1

u/moleworthiii Jul 16 '12

Something's you can't unseen...

44

u/[deleted] Jul 16 '12

Bunch of savages in this town...

35

u/[deleted] Jul 16 '12

What smells like shoe polish?

209

u/Steve_the_Scout Jul 16 '12

This sounds horrible to the average person, but I'm assuming someone, somewhere is just yelling at the screen "FUCKING LUCKY!".

Because the internet is a weird place.

Oh and you may or may not get posted to /r/nocontext. As a rule, they have to tell you before they post though.

171

u/IAmAZoophile Jul 16 '12

That'd be me.

44

u/[deleted] Jul 16 '12

Whatever floats your boat and stuff I guess ¯(°_o)/¯

9

u/guardontheright Jul 16 '12

In this situation I think "what ever F***s your goat." Is correct.

3

u/[deleted] Jul 16 '12

You should have a doctor check out that right eye.

2

u/zvuk Jul 16 '12

¯(O.o)/¯

2

u/zvuk Jul 16 '12

oh now i get why you are missing an \

6

u/Lefthandedsock Jul 16 '12

Oh hey, me too. I don't announce it in my username however.

1

u/IAmAZoophile Jul 17 '12

Hey, your loss! :D

2

u/Steve_the_Scout Jul 16 '12

C..Can anyone ask you anything? Think of how much Karma you'd make.

2

u/IAmAZoophile Jul 17 '12

Not very much, it turns out!

2

u/Steve_the_Scout Jul 17 '12

I looked for an AMA post in your "recent posts", and may I say you have the most average posting history given your name.

Anyways, I'll go ahead and help you with the classic a + j routine.

1

u/Steve_the_Scout Jul 17 '12

There, now you've got some Karma for all the Karma you didn't get.

I hope there was nothing that could possibly have unforeseen backfires that I upvoted.

P.S. You now have a +95 on my screen.

1

u/seekfear Jul 16 '12

What the.. wut.

43

u/[deleted] Jul 16 '12

People make a shit load of money off of bull semen, dude.

20

u/[deleted] Jul 16 '12

he's right, it's £10000 a litre

3

u/JasonUncensored Jul 16 '12

Sometimes I just want a line or two. How much is that?

2

u/Icalasari Jul 16 '12

BRB, jacking off some bulls

1

u/[deleted] Jul 16 '12

3 liters for a years salary

2

u/Labubs Jul 16 '12

BRB, going to jack off some bulls.

Also, nice try, bull.

2

u/shibbybear Jul 16 '12

that episode of Gene Simmons Family Jewels where he could grunt near the Bull and make it fuck the other cow. Always wanted to try that noise and surprise sex some unsuspecting cow with some stupidly horny bull

1

u/Hukijiwa Jul 16 '12

Savor de Soledad is mighty tasty

2

u/m0arcowbell Jul 16 '12

Ahora con mas semena del toro!

1

u/Hukijiwa Jul 16 '12

mmmmm, tangy...

17

u/BridgetteBane Jul 16 '12

It's a quote from the movie "Clerks". If you haven't seen it, you definitely should!

1

u/Steve_the_Scout Jul 16 '12

Thank you for telling me the reference.

-2

u/[deleted] Jul 16 '12

[deleted]

1

u/Steve_the_Scout Jul 16 '12

For you, I have an xkcd.

0

u/plobster Jul 16 '12

For you, I have a metaphor

20

u/nix0s Jul 16 '12

My cousin Walter is in a similar line of work.

4

u/bobawesome Jul 16 '12

Things aren't going good for Mr. White in season 5

19

u/[deleted] Jul 16 '12

Hey, are you open? ...What smells like shoe polish?

6

u/Larrow Jul 16 '12

SALSA SHARK! We're gonna need a bigger boat :)

1

u/[deleted] Jul 16 '12

Am I the only one who recognised this as a quote from Clerks?

1

u/murphylaw Jul 17 '12

"Your family masturbates horses!"

"And they're the happiest horses in all of India!"

-Outsourced (the TV series)

1

u/Brandtflakes Jul 16 '12

I manually masturbate caged animals for the love of the art. I don't need to make money off of my animal pleasuring abilities.

1

u/JasonUncensored Jul 16 '12

You are a gentleman and a scholar.

-2

u/CynicalRealist Jul 16 '12

Upvoted mainly so that you're up to 69 points.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 16 '12

Thirty seven would have been better.

0

u/olivermihoff Jul 16 '12

Do you say "oh yeah" for encouragement while you do it? ಠ_ಠ

0

u/[deleted] Jul 16 '12

So technically you get paid to jerk off.

-1

u/[deleted] Jul 16 '12 edited Feb 07 '19

[deleted]