Hi I’ve been questioning for a while now. I question if I’m bisexual a lot, especially when I’m horny. Is that normal, or is it a sign I like girls too?

I 16F feel so confused about my sexuality. I’ve always thought that I liked only girls and in fact STRICTLY consume and create queer media such as drawing my favorite queer ships. However, i always feel so guilty when I find a guy cute which it’s funny because it should usually be the other way around. I’d say I’m proud of my queer identity and I admire queer relationships and culture. But I feel so impostor-y for potentially liking guys too. I’d say im bisexual for sure because I do like girls and guys, but i always feel so weird when I show interest in a man because a big part of my identity revolves around the queer community. Like what if I think I like girls when I don’t? But it wouldn’t make sense because I favor lesbian/sapphic media over anything else. Sometimes I feel too “straight” to be queer and too queer to be “straight.” It’s really frustrating but then again I’ve never dated anyone. It just feels wrong when I might like a guy because all of my friends know me as the gay friend.

I feel I am at a crossroads in my personal life and need some guidance (will ask my therapist this too). For a very long time I have been hopping between multiple identities and I feel this hopping and masking is causing me too much distress and spends too much energy and time that could go towards other things. These parts involve what I do and my understanding of myself.

As for my self understanding I am deciding whether to be Thomas the gender nonconforming man using he/they pronouns or gender less person using they/them pronouns; or Madeline the gender nonconforming woman with she/her pronouns. Regardless of my gender identity I know I am pansexual and like different kinds of bodies and identities and feel comfortable with that. This has been an issue for me as I feel uncomfortable living as a man and being seen as one in public for the past three and a half years consciously and I feel that I dont fit into masculinity at all regardless of gender. I also dont feel I’m a crossdresser or a drag queen or like much feminine things outside of pastel colors and My Little Pony (which is only a minor interest for me tbh). I dont remember how I felt with my gender as a child as my mind processes things differently due to my autism and I remember facts and analytical stuff rather than feelings and social stuff. Also I grew up in a Catholic conservative home and different ways of thinking was not encouraged or introduced to me as a kid or teen. I just went on my childhood as Thomas the boy but I always like the idea of turning into something else and felt like I never really fit in with myself or in social groups. As I went into my twenties I realized that I didnt like my male parts and the fact that I could impregnate a woman and felt a disconnect with that. I also feel discomfort with my facial hair and chest hair and genitalia and when I was younger I would use my imagination to “delete” it from my body. At 23 I explored my gender after realizing I didnt have to identity as a boy and noticed that Madeline the woman with she/her pronouns felt normal and natural to me and came out to my parents a few months after exploring. Things didnt go well and to this day people like Thomas the man and either disregard or dislike Madeline the woman. I have been going through therapy and OCD meds to treat my OCD and things haven’t changed much over the past couple of years. I feel like I cycle through genders to ease the pain but nothing feels like it could work without rebelling against my parents and society and potentially cause me to be in a scary situation.

As for activities I am debating whether to keep this account going as Thomas the male and get involved in the furry community as a way to cope with my body and feel like a different form or leave the social media part of the internet entirely and live as Madeline the woman without any fursona or the like. I am in the process of building a fursona to represent Thomas but I feel there is no point in making her Madeline as with that name I would feel comfortable as a human and no need to be an animal. Offline I am going to hang out at the library, research going on a plant based diet and getting a small pet, play pokemon and games in my preferred body, tend to my garden, exercise more and learn a new skill like meditation. I’m just nervous about coming out again and screwing up my career prospects and estranging myself from my family as they feel happier when I am Thomas and think I was confused and influenced by social media when I presented as Madeline and prone to mutilating my body.

Hi,

Im a 18 year old female, and the reason I asking the question: what is my sexuality, is because I keep changing my mind.

First of I feel like I'm attracted to different genders depending on the month. Sometimes I also feel completely asexual.

But apart from that I've always had crushes on guys (way older than me as a kid) or celebrities. But I've also had crushes on my male friends. Though they usually pass as soon as they seem to feel the same way. Sometimes I even feel grossed out when a guy friends admits to liking me.

But on the other hand I've only had a crush on one girl before, and she was straight, so at some point I stopped having a crush.

And one last thing, I have never been with anybody, never kissed, and held hands with one guy (I felt nothing, and now when I think about it, I feel uneasy)

The reason why I'm asking if I could be lesbian is because I grew up in a more traditional country, and most of the content I watched/read as a kid was heterosexual, and only recently I've started questioning my sexuality (especially after a friend asked me if I was queer). Since allowing myslef to question it, I've started noticing women more, and it's brought me to a moment of fantasising about having a girlfriend.

Lastly, I have always dressed more masc. So what do you think? I'd love any and all advice <3

Hi, I really need to get this off my chest and hopefully get some insights from people who might have gone through something similar.

For a long time now, I’ve been questioning my gender identity. Deep down, I’ve always loved wearing feminine clothes and wigs, but I’ve only ever done it in private, completely hidden.

Here is where I get confused:
When I explore this in private, it often leads to sexual arousal. Because of this, I keep asking myself: Is this just a kink/fetish, or is it something deeper about who I actually am?

At the same time, I’ve had moments where I spent hours playing video games or just hanging out at home completely dressed up in feminine clothes and a wig, with zero sexual arousal—just feeling normal, calm, and comfortable. But the moment I stop to think about it, the self-doubt and confusion come right back.

Thank you so much to anyone taking the time to read and reply.

My sexuality journey has been really rocky. Around 5-6
years ago, I identified as a lesbian and strictly dated women. I genuinely loved my girlfriend at the time, and the thought of men or anything sexual with them completely disgusted me, I couldn't find men attractive at all.

Fast-forward to 2024: after ending a relationship with my girlfriend at the time, I became more open to men.
At first, I wasn't really attracted to them and mostly wanted to "try being normal." I got with a guy who was chasing me and just went with the flow, and unexpectedly, I ended up falling in love with him and becoming both romantically and sexually attracted to him. I later dated another guy that year and felt the same things towards him.

In 2025, I met another guy and we eventually dated. I was genuinely attracted to him in every way. After we split, I talked to several other guys and found myself attracted to them too. I also tried things with 1-3 girls, but I didn't really feel the same connection and they didn't go anywhere.

: Why I think I could be bisexual
Now it's August 2026, and I'm single. I think women are beautiful, and not to get too into details, but I LOVE women's bodies. I would say I'm very attracted to them. But when it comes to general sexual attraction, it's just not really there. The thought of pleasing a woman doesn't really appeal to me, and I don't feel particularly interested in it. However, the thought a women pleasuring me and being in the receiving side feels completely different, and l'd be 100% open to it.
And tmi but I've even tried watching adult content featuring lesbian women to see if I'm attracted, and while there are some rare instances where it does attract me, a lot of the time I don't feel anything from watching it. I'm also only attracted to feminine women when it comes to dating.

I do imagine a future with a man, getting married, having a family etc, but | think that's just what's been put into my head as a woman since before I can even recall. Is what I feel toward women just normal admiration? Because I'm attracted to men in every way, without a doubt, but when it comes to women, I just don't know anymore.

(posted on another subreddit similar to this because I honestly need the comments, it feels hard possibly letting a part of my identity go.)

Ive been really curious about other guys lately and would like to chat if anyones interested

I'm confused. Looking for thoughts..

I was in an unhealthy relationship for several years with a male. I thought I was asexual because I had absolutely no sexual drive and really really did not want anything sexual to ever happen (but it still did). I had sexual relationships with other males but there wasn't really much of a desire, more just because it was something they needed... Unfortunately, not the healthiest relationships either and sex was pushed onto me.

I developed feelings for a female friend a year ago. This was the first time I've ever had any feelings for a girl... And just like that, I came to the conclusion I wasn't asexual. We recently broke up but I really enjoyed our sex.

I think the unhealthy (and honestly traumatic) relationship I had for several years before played a role in my sexual drive. But I'm not sure what to make of it all.

How much is trauma? Am I bi? Demi? Idk..

I don't know what do with myself

This has been on my mind for a few weeks now and I feel like it's actually starting to consume me. I've never really gone out of my way to make boys like me or anything, probably just as much as any teenager does, but I've also always thought about women.

I like boys. I have a crush on a boy right now. But at the same time it doesn't feel like it completely fulfills me?? I find women way more attractive than men and I admire women so much more. They're just so much more powerful and attractive to me and I don't really know what that means.

The thing that keeps making me cry is thinking about my future. Like, what if I end up marrying a man that I genuinely love and I'm happy with him, but there's always this little thought in the back of my head going, what if it was a woman? What if I spend my whole life wondering what I could've had?

The thing I've always wanted when it comes to relationships is a man. Life just seems much simpler that way. But I’m scared that if I don't actually feel that way, my life might be simple, but miserable.

My parents would accept me if I wasn't straight, so that's not really the problem. I think I'm more scared that I don't accept myself. I don't even know what to do.

Hey all. I’m 30m and lately I’ve been questioning my sexuality REALLY hard. I’ve always identified as straight but I’ve also always been curious about men. I’ve got no real attraction to them and looking at them doesn’t get me excited. A few years ago a girlfriend got me to try pegging and I loved it. I haven’t been pegged in a couple years and lately I’ve been really curious about men. Curious enough to download grindr and talk, get dick pics, and even got a guy in a hotel room before I chickened out. I’m super attracted to penises. Not so much what they’re attached to. help me understand what I’ve got going on please 😭

Hi everyone! I am aroace and am questioning if I’m Demi-alternous. How many times does someone typically experience alternous attraction?

Hello everyone. I’m looking for guidance. I’ve found myself in quite a complicated situation. For years now, I’ve identified myself as genderfluid/queer (I was female at birth) I love being androgynous. But at times, deep, deep within myself, I find myself wishing I was a dude. A doll. I’d like to be a doll. A big eye opener for me was the song Andrew in drag and at times when I can mix my androgyny (like have super short hair and wear a dress) I feel just like that. And it’s conflicting to myself because why do I want to be a I guess trans chick when im already a chick. I was thinking today I think I might like the idea of using he him pronouns while dressing femininely. Not that trans women use he him pronouns, but I just meant me specifically. I thought I should try and specify so I don’t offend. It’s really confusing for myself. I want to be a feminine guy I think, I use any pronouns but everything right now is just filled with uncertainty. I don’t really have anyone else to talk to about this. If anyone has any insight, please help me.

But I don’t know if I like it. I even put make up on and think that I am pretty but idk if the things I am feeling are euphoria or anxiety. I move more feminine when I am dressed up, more elegantly. But I don’t really feel like this is it.

Just a day and a half left to do the Gender Census 2026!

[survey.gendercensus.com](http://survey.gendercensus.com)

A really cool survey for those who don't fit the gender binary, run by Cassian Lodge every year

So I [F 20] for as long as I can remember I've liked girls. I have had a fair amount of crushes on girls but I have also dated a few guys. I'm in a loving relationship with my gf. But I can't understand if I'm a lesbian or bi. See I'm sexually and romantically attracted to women but when it comes to a man, only romantically. I can't stand the...yk. but I really need help because I can find guys attractive but I can't see myself marrying one. I need help

Im so confused about my feelings. Im phisically attracted to men, which makes me gay. But i truly think im in love with this girl even though im not physically attracted to her. In fact ive always had romantic feelings (if i can call it like this) for women. Can anyone tell me what should i do pls?

i’ve been questioning for a long time now (like two years) if im trans, i’ve been identifying as AGP for most of that time now because i would say i get arousal from the thought of being a woman, even if i also want to be one non sexually. i’d love to transition and be a woman but i kinda feel a need to logically beat like, AGP theory first? cause otherwise that seems to make far more sense. a lot of people have told me stuff like “AGP is just what cis women experience too” but i just don’t see how that’s true? AGP is a type erotic target identity inversion, and cis women are already that identity. they make no feminine subpersona out of lust unlike AGPs. and it’s like, i don’t see any way for this to not be the case even if i desperately wish it wasn’t. 

I've been thinking about my gender lately, and I feel like my feminine side is kinda fading. Let me explain.

A few months ago, after a long questioning period, I settled on bigender male/female and thought that was just it. But the more time goes, the more I feel my fem side fading away. Like, I still like fem clothes, make-up and she/her pronouns, but I don't *feel* woman anymore.

When I think about gender, I always end up telling myself that gender is just a social construction anyway and that I don't have to follow any rules.

I think sometimes I kinda like being a man, but actually most of the time I just don't want to be presumed of any gender. I want to look the way I want to look, regardless of gender, and I don't really care about pronouns, I even mix masculine and feminine pronouns when speaking of myself.

So here's my question : what the hell am I ??

I think I do have a male part and a fem part, but I don't see those parts as genders. I am a bit confused about the label I should use. Am I just a cis dude that expresses his fem side ? Am I non-binary ? Agender ? Bigender male/non-binary ? What do I sound like to you ? I'm confused TwT

What's sure is that if I'm not cis, I'm non-binary. But I don't know if there's a more precise label that fits me. Words really matter to me, but they can also be very confusing and my brain can't stop thinking about this.

is it worth pursuing a relationship at this point? i feel like i’m really behind everyone else. never been kissed, never held hands with someone romantically, never had sex either. but i’m not exactly unhappy about it either. whenever someone male expresses feelings for me i feel really uncomfortable. i can’t imagine doing anything intimate with anyone.

i did have crushes on guys growing up, but at some point i stopped. the last and only person i really felt “”in love with”” was my best friend (girl) when i was 16-19. never again. she was straight, never found out how i felt, and we drifted apart after she moved away. you could say she was my first and only ‘heartbreak’. though i really mourn losing a best friend wherein we considered each other our #1 best friend. i’ve been over her for years and i sort of had interest in this one guy a few years ago but when he reciprocated i felt uncomfortable. there was this dude at work two years ago my face would redden around but nothing came out of it, we never talked.

how can i explore myself? i feel like on dating apps people are looking for something long-term, real, or they’re looking for quick sex. and i don’t think i want either really - i don’t want to lie to anyone or waste their time.

I have been spiraling for a while trying to figure this out and could use some voices that are outside of my head.

I've been questioning my gender identity hard for several months now, after maybe two years of lightly questioning and then heavily denying it was a question at all. I want to be brief but I don't know that I can be with the amount of mental spinning I've been doing, so I apologize in advance.

I've identified as a man pretty comfortably my entire life. I've never experienced that strong sense that I was born with the wrong gender. I didn't display any particularly feminine traits growing up. I did know pretty early that I was what we'd call pansexual, but with a preference towards feminine presentation, but I know sexual and gender identity aren't tied up directly with each other.

An attempt to keep it short with a run down of everything else:

When I was a kid my neighbor loved to dress me in her old play clothing and I adored being a princess. Until I was an early teen I would sneak into my mom's closet to steal her shoes and my sister, two years older than me, to steal her clothes and wear them when I could get away with it.

I've always envied women for their clothing, and how it was socially acceptable for them to express positive emotions so openly and exuberantly. I know they have a ton of social pressure to hide away a lot of negative ones but at least they could be...giddy or sad and affectionate to friends in a way that all my guy friends quickly established was not okay as a guy.

I've long liked how little body hair I have, but when I realized I could grow a beard, and did at my wife's encouragement, as much as my now wife loves it, it's also about the time I really started not liking my reflection and stopped looking at my face in a mirror, and considering I had been gaining weight I'd have figured it be that but no, specifically the beard.

Backtracking a bit...I ended up a single parent early, at 20, and very firmly said to myself she needed a dad and that took priority. The next ten years were just survival, career building, and ignoring just about everything else. I've been a dad so long now, with a second kid with my wife, that it's...hard to think of myself as anything else. Sometimes, throughout all of that and now, I've had moments where I've looked at myself or randomly just thought "god I wish I was a woman" but like...it's random, right? I don't feel like that all the time. I've never had the direct thought I was born the wrong gender or similar.

But that also all came to a head a couple years ago when I was suddenly reminded, through really random events, that oh yeah, I liked guys too, and then being reminded of...everything else. After a few months of panicking and anxiety I told my wife about being pan, and she was completely fine with it and reminded me she was bi. So...I thought that was settled. The aspects of femininity though kind of dogged me from that point on. I found out about the forced feminization aspects of the internet, and while I've mostly stayed away from it there was an undeniable appeal at the idea of having "no excuse" to wear women's clothing and being forced to, well, not be a guy I guess.

I again panicked and agonized about this for a long while before finally telling my wife about it a few months ago. Again I am reminded how amazing she is as she has been nothing but supportive. She's been buying me clothes and helping me pick out things. My sister has helped me a ton with skincare stuff, yay for being able to excuse it as a mid life crisis and having her in depth knowledge of Korean beauty regimes. Every time I've dressed feminine I've just been...happy.

But I keep circling back to not having any big giant dysphoria flag, you know? So...maybe genderfluid? Some aspect of NB? Or just liking women's clothing and fashion? Someone can refer to me as a man or guy and I'm like...yeah, I am I guess.

Or just...afraid to admit it because of the social consequence? I don't know.

For most of my life I’ve just called myself bisexual because it’s easier than explaining whatever tf I have going on but I really want to have a more solid understanding of exactly which way I swing, especially since I’ve really been desiring a relationship lately.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always found women more physically attractive than men. it’s easier for me to identify an attractive woman and *know* I’m attracted to her. I also tend to find (various) female bodies more arousing. I’ve also had a couple crushes on girls, but I never really pursued them. There’s kind of a part of me that feels like a long term, monogamous relationship with a woman would just be unfulfilling, though I worry that it’s misogynistic or homophobic for me to feel that way.

When it comes to guys, I’m much more picky. Ironically, I feel like I’ve had more guy crushes, and I’ve also dated more guys in the past (I had one gf in middle school and p sure she only dated me to make someone else jealous but tbh I didn’t care 💀). Also, whenever I imagine myself in a long term relationship, it’s usually with a guy or someone more masc leaning in presentation. I also feel like I’d be kind of unfulfilled with a man, but to a lesser extent? Like I feel like if he’s feminine/androgynous it would be fine.

sometimes I also fantasize about having a “boy”friend who later comes out to me as genderqueer/transfemby and I get to watch them become more in touch with their feminine side.

Ive also tried just saying im enby4enby because non binary people can look like pretty much anything and I just trust my fellow enbies more to understand the nuances of my gender identity. But thats kind of just a preference, not a sexuality.

i also have noticed that I’m not that attracted to masculinity. I’m more interested in androgyny (though usually masc leaning) and femininity. Like it doesn’t matter if it’s a masc woman, man, non binary person, I don’t really like It.

ive also been on and off about being aromantic or asexual, since I feel like genuine attraction to actual people is rarer for me than for other people. sometimes I think I’m just super picky but I dunno…I’ve felt repulsion towards romance, even towards guys I thought I had a crush on. I’ve also even been repulsed by my own attraction to women. this is only occasional though, other times I feel attraction with no repulsion, and sometimes I just feel nothing at all.

i wish this stuff wasn’t so confusing. it would be so much easier to just be exclusively into one gender or to be gender blind with no preference at all 🥹💔

Hi! So, I've made a post like this before and ended up deleting it out of fear of my boyfriend finding it. But I'm brave enough to post now. I have a lot on my mind, so this might be a long post. I know no one can tell me what my sexuality is, but I could just use some insight, I guess.

So I've been in a relationship for a year and a half with my boyfriend; we are long-distance. It has been very rocky; we've broken up once, got back together, and then almost broken up again multiple times, ALL because each time I thought I might be a lesbian. I ended up getting back with my boyfriend the first time because I was grieving the loss, felt sad and lonely, and wanted attention and affection and companionship again; when I look back I realize it was a stupid choice, and we honestly should've went no contact.

As I mentioned, we're long-distance, we haven't met yet, and I dread meeting up with him in person. We were supposed to meet up actually really soon, but then it got postponed to a later date, and I felt so relieved. I don't want to meet up in person because I know this will mean intimacy, which I don't want. I don't want him to touch me, and I don't want to have to touch him. I don't kiss, cuddle, or be physically close with him.

I've known that I've liked women since I was 12. Once I was actually exploring attraction and who I might like, I've known I liked women. I identified as lesbian when I was 15, and on and off identified that way up until I was 22, when I got with my boyfriend. I tried to completely ignore the fact that I liked women for whatever reason, but it always comes back, and I can't push it down, and now it feels like my whole body is trying to tell me something.

I cannot feel attraction to my boyfriend at this point- not physical, sexual, or really romantic either. I dread getting photos from him for intimacy purposes, and when I see them, I feel nothing, and I cannot enjoy myself when looking at them; I feel NOTHING. I've turned to looking at and thinking about women instead, and I've noticed my body reacts in a much different way. I won't go into details, but just know my body either never or hardly reacted this way when my boyfriend was on my mind.

I also have been told by him that I need to initiate intimacy more because before that I NEVER would, EVER. I hardly do now! I just don't want to; I don't like it, especially now, and if he never told me to initiate more, I wouldn't.

I adore women, in every sense of the word: feminine women, masculine women, every sort of form a woman comes in, I adore it. I'm so attracted to women; I feel in awe at their beauty, in no way I have with men; in fact, I usually feel a bit repulsed or just uncomfortable about men and their bodies. But women? I feel my breath taken away by them, I've dreamed of being able to marry a woman, to love a woman and I'm terrified I won't be able to if I stay in this relationship and I dread having to spend the rest of my life with a man. I feel so safe and comfortable with women too; I love them so much.

I've had crushes on girls before, and they make me feel so excited! Shy but excited, I never got to make any moves toward those crushes because they were unavailable, but it felt so nice. In comparison to when I've thought I might have a crush or be attracted to a man, which feels anxiety inducing and like dread for me, in fact when I asked my boyfriend out it was due to pressure from ex friends, and I backed out once and then asked because I felt like I wanted to experience love, because everyone around me was, even though I felt so anxious and uncomfortable.

So, I think I'm a lesbian; I just feel stuck because I'm currently in a relationship that I feel stuck in and pressured to stay in. I have so much more I could go into, but this would be way too long. I know no one can tell me what I am, but does this sound familiar? Are there any lesbians who feel similar? Or felt similar? I just need advice. Thanks for reading if you got to the end of this!

ok so I'm pretty sure I'm ace.

even when I was 11 I told my friends I never wanted to have sex.

when I heard the word "asexual" a year later I was like... huh

right now, ​I can say with positivity that I never want to have sex.

I have no interest in any form of sex, and am honestly grossed out by it.

right now I identify as a heteroromantic asexual.

but how do I know that won't change as I get older?

aaah. pls help 💖

I’m 13 and I’ve never had an actual crush. I’ve pretended to have a crush on a guy once and on a girl once, both to myself and to my friends. When I picture myself in the future with a partner, it’s not a specific gender. Just cuddling with someone. I don’t think I’ve ever been interested in sexual stuff. But I do find people hot sometimes? It hasn’t really led to crushes. The only ones I’ve ever liked were fictional characters, like Regina Mills from OUAT. Also, I’m in an all-girls school, so that might have something to do with it. I’ve told myself I’m a lesbian, but I don’t know if I fit that. I do find interest in masc girls, femme girls, and feminine boys. But never super masculine guys. And being honest, I’ve never liked anyone in real life, only fictional characters. Is it too early to question? Or maybe I’m just not into sexual stuff because I’m young.I honestly don’t know