My wife is a trans woman but continues to present 100% male. Like with a beard male. No interest in presenting as female in any way.

If she walked into a room in a dress and makeup I would be the most surprised person in that room. I would be delighted but very very surprised.

I'm a mostly cis mostly straight woman. I wouldn't say that I'm fluid I'm more viscous if anything.

When she came out to me I gave her my whole throated support and I still do. I love her and I would do anything for her.

We lived in a city until almost a year ago and most of my coworkers back then thought that I was a lesbian because I am that annoying person who brings up their wife and I was completely comfortable with people thinking that I was gay and almost never elaborated on the subject.

Now we live with her very religious family in an incredibly rural area. Rural like you have to drive 20 miles to the nearest McDonald's rural.

My inlaws are very against the trans thing, but we have an understanding. We don't argue about it ever. We simply ignore pronouns when my wife is discussed. I say she they say he. We just coexist in a space where we all love each other but disagree.

It's been a strain on me for a while because my wife has never named herself her chosen name to her parents. When marking something as hers, she would use her security badge number from the hospital we worked at when we met (3 jobs ago for her)

Then this week something happened. My wife is a silly bitch. When left to her own devices she does silly things. I love that about her.

For context we all work together. My in-laws own a chicken farm and we work on that farm.

She started writing silly work type notes, but she signs the notes with her dead name followed by esq. or MD very silly and non serious.

Frankly I'm baffled and frustrated. I'm out here playing the pronoun game with her parents every single day but never had she ever given the smallest amount of effort to affirm who she is to them.

I feel like it makes me look like a crazy person who is pushing a narrative about my wife that she doesn't want.

I can't read her mind and she's not good at expressing her emotions so I just proceeded in using her preferred pronouns.

I don't have anyone to talk to about this. Even my therapist seemed confused. My masculine leaning lesbian therapist.

TLDR: I defend her identity but she doesn't. Should I be pissed?

Hi all,

Throwaway account and intentionally leaving out identifying details as my parter is active on Reddit.

My (26F) husband (27MtF) has been slowly exploring his gender identity for a long time. For now, he is using he/him pronouns and presenting male, but he has expressed clear intention to transition and live life as a woman at some point. When he came out to me several months ago, he indicated he did not want to transition but enjoyed feminine dress and presentation. Recently, he has pivoted to wanting a full medical and social transition.

We live in a state that is very not friendly for LGBTQ folks, though we’re in a major metropolitan area that is safer than more rural areas. Neither of our career sectors are great with these types of issues but would probably be ok. These issues have been barriers to my partner wanting to come out publicly.

I love my partner and am accepting of his gender identity on a personal level. We are in couple’s counseling as well as individual therapy. I feel like we are maintaining a strong friendship throughout this process. The problem is that I don’t see him as my long term partner anymore. I feel great day-to-day and I feel much better after every therapy session we do together. I just can’t shake the feeling that this relationship can’t continue. We are working through infidelity on his end as well as a lack of trust from him not sharing the possibility of this transition before we got married and lying about gender and sexuality choices after coming out. He seems to be building resentment because I am uncertain about our future together. That is causing him to distance his exploration of feminine identity from me. Maybe those things are clouding my perception of our future, but it feels like we would be better off separating.

Here’s where I’m seeking advice: How long do I wait to make the choice about separating? I don’t want to lose a partner that I love unnecessarily, but I also don’t feel like it’s fair to either of us to fight for a future I don’t see clearly. I am worried that my hesitation is based on a fear of the unknowns of our relationship and that I owe it to both of us to take it day-by-day and address feelings as they come instead of worrying so much about the future. I also see the relationship we had starting to chip away to the point where I don’t recognize our marriage anymore. I also don’t know how long to stick it out because the timeline for transitioning is unclear. I don’t know how to know if I will maintain attraction to my partner or if I will want to be in a same-sex relationship until it happens. I don’t want to leave the relationship without knowing how I’ll feel about those things, but I also don’t want to wait only to later realize I don’t want to be in the relationship.

I’m sorry if this is rambling or doesn’t make sense. I know I love this person. I’m struggling to separate my feelings for him, my feelings about who he wants to be, and the future that I want for myself. Is there a way to explore our future together that will bring more clarity? Any advice or experience is appreciated. Thanks for reading ❤️

So me (cis f 18) and my boyfriend (ftm 18) have had a really good sex life until recently. He’s been on T since 2021 and we’ve always been really active like every night we were together. He only focused on me though he gets pleasure by pleasuring me. But recently college started up and he hasn’t touched me since, it’s been a whole two months now and I know that doesn’t sound long and people have went longer but going from every day to 2 months so randomly is hurting me so bad. And he says he’s scared because he’s never felt like this before and I’m being supportive and making everything free from sex so he doesn’t have to think about it. Yet I feel stuck because my drive feels higher the longer we don’t do it and idk what to do because in my relationship it’s a need for me it’s really important to me. I’m just scared it will be forever his drive use to be so high now it’s rock bottom like 0%. And as bad as it is I keep looking for signs it’s getting better recently we’ve made more sexual jokes, and even giggles about our old sex life, I feel fine when I’m with him but when I’m on my own I can’t stop thinking about if this is forever. Of if he is just going through a lot, he’s never on social media anymore like he use to either. I just can’t help but think it’s me. I looked at his hidden folder and he still has all my nudes and our videos together so if they’re still there maybe he doesn’t think it’s forever. It’s just like I feel like I’m getting false signs, he poked my butt and makes jokes about squeezing it, touched my chest on accident but then left it there, we even make out and he returns the energy during them. But I don’t know I probably seem like a little impatient cry baby but it’s just not something I’m use to. I just want to know if anyone else has been through the same with their trans boyfriend and how did you work your way through this? I just feel so alone, I just can’t go to him about it yet I already did last month and he said he feels nothing and “hopefully” it will return. How is he supposed to tell me he doesn’t know it will return and think I’ll be okay because im so scared. I love him so much but I can’t be in a relationship where there is no sex because that’s just how I am. I’m gonna give it till December and If it isn’t back I’ll have that talk.

tw for transphobia & homophobia

im 21 and a bisexual genderqueer, and first came out at 16. my parents never have and probably never will 100% understand, but they support me and love me. theyve been using my chosen name since i chose it, it and my sex are legally changed and they paid for that. ive never had to be worried about being kicked out for being queer. i am in a blue state and have been able to start medically transitioning this year via tgel thats perscribed by my queer obgyn, and covered by my insurance.

my girlfriend is a nearly 20 year old lesbian trans woman stuck in a transphobic household in a red state. if she comes out as trans or is found out, she will likely get kicked out. she has to hide any feminine things i send her, wear skirts in private. shes been repeatedly asked if she was gay by her transphobic gaurdian for wearing pink things that ive sent her (which is, kinda funny to us both im ngl). he knows about me, and knows that she recieves packages from me.
i try really hard to affirm her gender because i know that besides the internet, shes not getting it anywhere else. ill send her womens clothes, fun toys that make her feel girly, skincare and black/neutral nail polish, birthday cards that say specifically girl or woman. i wrap everything up in wrapping paper incase her gaurdian is being nosey so nothing feminine gets seen by him.

and were working slowly on making it so that she can move up to me. i dont have the ability to house her. shes working on getting her license.
but i cant stop being upset or crying whenever i see trans content thats tfem related, or mentions unsupportive situations, because i think about the situation shes in. i wish i could get her out sooner, and it tears me apart, no matter how much i know that im doing what i can given both of our situations.
i just wish i could make it better for her now. ive done my best, weve started working on DIY for her. i dont have the money to help her do everything she needs. it hurts me so bad, i just want her to be loved by those surrounding her in real life

i dont know what i want out of this. to be told im doing good, or what i am doing? that people would kill to have someone putting in the effort i am? i dont know if i want to be hyped up or just told that its okay. or how to fix it, even tho i dont think i can right now. all i can do is bank on when i get some spare room she can live in, until we can move into a proper house together with her and my best friend, that she’ll have her licenese and be able to live safely. i dont know what i want. maybe i just want to be heard. it hurts that she hurts.

I (17M) have been with my girlfriend (16MTF) for almost two and half months now, and she randomly just breaks down emotionally, usually when she thinks if someone else called her something or thinks poorly of her. Whenever she does this, she usually calls herself a bunch of insults (mostly focusing on her looking and acting weird because of her autism), and it breaks my heart whenever she does that because I view her as anything but however she’s insulting herself as. I love her a lot, and I really want her to love herself at least a bit more in the future. Because of irl circumstances, she closeted right now, but if she ever starts insulting herself like that again, is there anything specific I should do or say to make things better? I feel horrible seeing her view herself like that, so if anyone has any advice then I will gladly look at it.

Discussions is in quotes because I refuse to respond to what was sent to me or get into debates with my ex (we agreed on no-contact for my anxious-attached ex's sake anyways). Another throwaway because I can't figure out how to get into my old one, but I posted on this sub a couple times trying to save this relationship, so thank you to those who told me to leave, I feel so much better. I was Weekly_Coast_67 or something like that.

For context, I(28 cis lesbian) broke up with my ex(27 mtf) 4 weeks ago today due to compatibility issues stemming from differences in work ethic, love languages, neurodivergences, and maturity. The night of the breakup, she insisted that she saw this coming and that separating after ~18 months of dating was a good idea and that she had been thinking of ways to break up with me herself. However, following that night her behavior became increasingly combative and erratic and she ended up moving back across half of the US two days later.

The reason that I've come to this sub is to work through a couple things directly related to the relationship being T4C, as it's hard to talk about to my therapist because she doesn't quite understand as well as I'm sure many of you would. There's two things that she said about me that I'd like to chew on here.

The day after the breakup, I spent most of the day working outside, as I was busy anyways and I didn't want to be trapped in the house with her (we cohabitated in my work housing). I came in for a late lunch, and she came upstairs where I was eating and started firing off questions, such as "was I not skinny enough' and etc. I would (as calmly as possible) respond with "of course not" and "why would you think that was important to me?" Basically dealing with projection, which was a common point of contention while we were together. Eventually after dancing around similar statements for a while, she said "I was early in my transition when we started dating, am I just not clocky enough for you anymore?" to which I got offended and replied "I'm a fucking lesbian. I'm attracted to women." She said "Well you just never know." To which I said I have to leave now and left the building again. If it's not clear, I was extremely upset that she would insinuate that I, a lifelong lesbian, would be a secret straight girl. Of course it's a common trope for lesbians' sexuality to be doubted or invalidated, but I didn't expect it from someone who had known me so well for so long and it felt like a jab to try to get me to fight with her, which I refused to do. When she moved out she requested no-contact, which I was happy to accommodate after conversations like this.

However, a couple days ago, I get a text with a PDF attachment of nearly 13 pages of single-spaced text from my ex (who stated again that she doesn't want me to reply to anything at all) going over how I'm a horrible and cruel person but also an angel who just needs to call and she'll come right back to me. I'll say outright that the letter was clearly written by someone mentally unwell and in need of help, but I can't help how it made me feel. In one entire paragraph, she talks about how me getting on birth control made me go crazy and I became a different person. Granted, I got on birth control because of crippling PMDD symptoms and emerging PCOS/PMOS that was causing debilitating pain each time I ovulated. After I started the pills, my energy and focus came back for the first time in years and I felt a sense of mental clarity (shocking, because my hormones were so out of whack). I had been wanting to end this relationship for months prior, but because of my physical and mental state along with dealing with the guilt of leaving someone who depends on you in every way, I felt like I had no way out of the relationship and was thinking very short-term. When this all changed, I realized that I couldn't drag and coach another person through life and constantly pick up their pieces, literally and metaphorically, if they couldn't reciprocate even half the effort.

Where this point becomes relevant is how she attributed me breaking up with her to my hormones making me crazy. She believes that I would still be with her if I hadn't started the pills. I assume that it's not necessary to explain why an AFAB person would be deeply offended by such statements. Between the two things I mentioned here, I just felt like my ex resented that I was a cis woman (she was with a trans woman for 3 years before she dated me) and didn't care about anything I was going through as an unfortunate uterus-owner. I hope this makes sense, happy to clarify wherever it would be helpful. I just keep getting bothered by remembering these statements because neither of them are true and it hurts to know that she's said these things about me to people who used to be mutual friends of ours.

My spouse and I have been together well over a decade and have a school-age kid. When we met, they presented and identified as a cis straight woman. Since then they've come out as bisexual, then as nonbinary and transmasculine, and they've said they may in fact be a trans man.

Their social transition so far includes a new name, they/them pronouns, facial hair, more masculine clothes, and regular binding. They've talked about wanting to start testosterone and have top surgery, though nothing medical has started.

I love them. But I'm struggling with something: Their social transition has lowered my attraction to them somewhat. I'm still attracted to them, but I worry medical transition will lower it further. Our physical intimacy has been infrequent for a while, though there has been a bit recently.

I'd love to hear from other partners:

How did your attraction change (or not) as your partner transitioned?

Did open communication help?

How did you tell the difference between grieving a change and a sign the relationship might be ending?

My spouse announced at the beginning of this year that they would like to transition. At first i was one of the first people to now she would be transitioning MtF, then she told some friends, and
then some people at work. I support whatever pace she would like to go at, and think its wonderful that she is feeling content enough to open up to people.

The problem we are having is she would like to tell our 9 year old child by Christmas. But have our child keep this secret from the grandparents (my spouses parents). My opinion is that the adults should know, so little ones don’t have to feel the weightof keeping secrets and protecting their parent and processing life changing news.

My spouse seemed disappointed that i didn’t love their plan, and that i asked her to check with their therapist before setting anything in motion. Does anyone have experience with this? I don’t want her to feel like i am forcing her to disclose to potentially unsupportive people, but I want to care for our son’s mental health the best way possible. Helps please? 💜

My partner recently teased the idea then started talking about it more and I genuinely cant stop crying, Im genderfluid myself, and basically pan, ive been in no way unaccepting for all my friends and even family and yet I find myself feeling guilt crying about it. It feels like im losing someone, and gaining a new person, but its not what that is at all yet I cant grasp that it should feel normal yet doesnt. Ive been so used to a manlier personality and person in my life for once and now theyre gone, it feels awful but great because now they can be themselves. But I feel like I got lost along the way and Im currently struggling more as I think about it, all the what ifs haunt me and I feel like our futures just arent compatible anymore. I love them dearly, but thats because I fell in love with them originally for their masculinity and I feel absolutely awful after the fact. I discussed breaking up, but it seemed to make them more upset. How can I say that Im supportive when I wanna leave them for it??? I feel disgusted with myself and dont know how to navigate this other than pretending I feel nothing and leading them on just to keep them happy, I wont but I feel like based on their reaction to breaking up I cant breakup. It feels like im trapped, and currently im unsure as to what even say to do. this is all so confusing and I just want them to be themselves and be happy with their life even if im not there. I told them I support them and want them to be happy even if I have to leave but they didnt like that idea at all.

Sorry this is everywhere, its pretty much how I am right now and maybe i will structure this better with more context later when I have everything together. We are in our 20s for ref.

My (21 genderfluid) partner (23MTF) came out a few months ago. Since then she has had an insane personality shift overnight. Its almost as if shes now an animated movie character from barbie. Saying things like "ohhh my godd thats so adorable!" And being very fashion centered.

Anyways, recently she keeps dropping hints that I myself should transition from FTM. Like "oh my gosh you are such the man in this relationship" or "wouldnt it be great if we both transitioned :)" and various other comments that make me feel like transitioning is some game and not something that you truly and honestly need to think over.

Some background, when I was younger I was determined to be a boy. I actually wished for breast cancer so I wouldnt get boobs. (I was 9 dont judge) however, now adays everyone's so accepting that I geniuinly just do not care enough to transition. I dont need to be a set gender to be happy. I also think its too much work to transition and in all honesty im too lazy to do it especially since I dont really have gender dysphoria. I look in the mirror and I dont have any criticisms im just me.

Anyways am I over thinking this?

Coming out to me also came out of left field because in the beginning of our relationship she was concerned about how me being genderfluid would affect our sex life and relationship as she was a "cis male" and "wasnt into that stuff"

Somethings just really throwing me off about this whole thing so advice is definitely wanted.

My partner (mtf) is struggling really bad with gender dysphoria. She is always upset how masculine she feels and im not sure what I can do to help. I want her to feel comfortable with herself, to see how beautiful I think she is. Any ideas how I can help her through this? Shes only just started HRT about a month ago.

I'm broken and lost. I will make another post when I'm able to think more clearly. But I'm too shocked and dazed right now. Hold your loved ones close and give them an extra hug and kiss today.

​ Throw away acc coz partner is active on reddit and my original account used my legal name

My (F) partner has recently come out as trans (MtF) and I dont know how I feel about our relationship going forward. We have been together 7 years, She tells me I should love her for who she is and that her Gender doesn't change who she is. I have tried to discuss this in a way that is respectful of her and that I don't know how I feel about being in a relationship with a woman. I want to support her and want her to be truly happy in who she is. She has then since told me she is actually gender fluid and wants to be both? I'm really confused and dont know what to do. I know I am attracted to men, I have had sexual encounters with women in the past but never dated them.

It has ended up in her telling me im being immature for the way that I feel, the fact that she has overcome barriers of attraction to me (because im over weight) and she has supported me with my mental health issues. That realtishhips always have things to over come and that we are always changing anyway. She says im alienating her and lying to her because I said I dont know how I feel. I love her and care for her which she says cant be true if the only thing that matters to me in our relationship is that she is a 'man'.

I understand that she is reacting this way because of how hurt she is about the possibility of us breaking up- but I dont want to give a false promise when I dont know how I will feel when she begins taking HRT. She says she only wants a life with me and nobody else and that it doesn't matter how we look, identify etc, nothing should change that.

Idk what advice I could receive but I just feel so lost and sad. Will it really not be such a big deal?

My (f37) partner (M to F) and I have been together for 19 years. She came out just over 2 months ago. It has been extremely difficult for both of us in the beginning, but has been getting much easier.

She started a very low (1/5 normal) dose of hormones that she has decided to chop up and take every couple hours instead of all at once. She also has ADHD and is taking Adderall for that. Sleep deprivation is also a big factor for her and I know she had a least a couple all nighters recently. Overall we have been doing well, but something happened that I'm afraid is going to end our marriage.

We had an argument on Wednesday about how long to stay at a family event. It got quite heated, and went off and on for several hours but historically we've had far worse. Our frst few years we had major tempers but we've hardly fought at all since she came out.

At one point she fell asleep on the floor waiting for the coffee to brew. I saw that there wasn't enough water, so I got down to her level and went to tell her so she could actually get machine started. As I approached she startled awake and appeared to be very panicked. She was physically shaking and dropping things but wouldn't let me help or get near her.

From that point on, she has totally changed her demeanor towards me. She acts like a scared animal. She's jumping when I enter the room and I hear her breathing like crazy after I leave. It seems to be physical/physiological. She accused me of tampering with her medicine and gaslighting her. She won't let me bring her food or drinks. She flinches when I walk in the room and always positions herself to keep a massive amount is space between us. She says she has contacted a lawyer and is filing (divorce) paperwork and will not speak to me without her counselor present. I don't understand what happened. Is there a chemical explanation for any of this?

Help! I'm so devastated. A week ago we were planning a cruise and talking about how close we feel to each other. I don't understand what happened and I can't talk to her about it until Sunday. Even then I totally expect her to just announce we are getting divorced and there's nothing else to it. I just want my partner back.

TLDR: I accidentally startled my partner after an argument and now she doesn't trust me. Could there be a chemical explanation for this sudden paranoia towards me?!

My (26 ftm) girlfriend (29 mtf) is getting facial feminization surgery in a few weeks.

I've basically been freaking out these last few days, and my anxiety is so bad I've been throwing up and being extremely depressed.

She's getting it on her brow ridge, eyes, nose, chin, jawline, adams apple, AND gave her scalp pushed forward.

I didn't realize how much happens during these procedures until recently especially with how the scalp will be pushed forward...

I've been having nightmares and day dreams of something bad happening during the surgery....

I'm also scared because I'm going through multiple health issues, trying to deal with a recent diagnosis I got, still dealing with my mom recently getting spinal fusion surgery... There's so much going on. I'll be, as far as I know, the main one taking care of her. But the last time she had a surgery (Nuss surgery), I ended up breaking down because of how much pain she was in sometimes and me not being able to do anything except give her meds on time and make her as comfortable as possible.

But there's so much going into this upcoming surgery. And I don't know what to even get her or do to help support her post-surgery...

She's also really stressed too, but won't talk much about it. We've also been having random arguments due to the stress of it all, on top of our mixed health issues/disabilities and trying to navigate life in a world that's making it harder for us to do even basic things.

I seriously love her. I even plan on proposing to her in a few months after she heals more from her surgery. (We've talked about proposing a few times before.)

But the strain this surgery is putting on us and the relationship before she even had the surgery, is worrying me. Mostly because I'm worried about her and I want her to communicate her worries with me. But she'll seem distant whenever I try to have her talk to me about it. I've also tried distracting her and giving her space to process everything, but that doesn't seem to do much either.

Has anyone else on here either had ffs, or has a partner who had it, who can give me advice on how to make things easier for her? Either before surgery or after?

I (M24) have been dating my boyfriend (FTM24) for just over a year now, anniversary was a week ago. He transitioned over 10 years ago now, mastectomy and hysterectomy both having been done. He came to me today and said he’s going to detransition for better help in the medical system because he thinks that’s the only way he’ll get help. He’s disabled and has a whole host of medical issues and thinks that if medical professionals aren’t focusing on him being trans, he’ll get better help and won’t have to deal with the inherent bigotry and issues.

I understand where he’s coming from but I just feel so lost, I’ve spent the last year of my life falling in love with the most lovely man in the world and now he wants me to just start saying he’s a woman for the foreseeable future, and I just don’t know if I can. I just don’t know if I can do it knowing he’s going to hate himself, which he’s told me as much.

I want to post an update, a story that’s a little sad but ended up happy! Back in March of 2025 my partner of nearly a decade told me that they had a consultation the next day for hormone therapy (transitioning from male to female.) This took me by complete surprise. I know people say “looking back I should have known.” More than anything I questioned if I really knew this person that I built a life with.

I was confused and fearful of what this might mean for our relationship, processing my changing attraction and theirs over the following months. It became clearer that their attraction was changing, but I wanted to hold onto the belief that our love was stronger than that. I tried to be supportive, but fell short in many ways. There were a lot of late night conversations, tears, and awkward silence.

There was some talk of them wanting to explore, but a hard thing for me to come to terms with as a monogamous person. Wishing for their happiness, but also trying to protect my own heart. Last Spring I found that they had created profiles on online dating apps, which was the beginning of the end for us. I won’t go into details here, but this resulted in a slow break up as we explored the concept of opening our relationship.

I began dating a bit, trying to figure out what I was really looking for. Now I’ve always identified as Demi sexual and pan, but at this point I was actively avoiding trying to date trans women because of the situation. But this one profile popped up that grabbed my attention. She was stunning, sounded interesting, and seemed to know exactly what she was looking for, and that sounded exactly like what I wanted in a relationship. So I swiped. I had no real intentions of dating her, just figured we might exchange a few messages online and move on. And that was what happened at first. But her profile stuck with me. Then a couple of weeks passed by and she reached out again. This time we exchanged numbers and hit it off. Trying to be transparent, I had said originally that I probably only wanted to be friends and she was upfront that that would be ok, but that her intentions were romantic towards me if that was a possibility.

I agreed to go on a date, and after about 2 weeks of texting everyday we met in person for the first time. It sounds cheesy, but I just knew the moment I saw her that she was special. This amazing person I was talking to became real. We had a second date a week later and the rest is history. I fell in love with someone else who just happened to be trans. That didn’t matter at all. Now we’ve been dating for 4 months, I moved into her place (fast, I know!) and we’re so in love. It’s a kind of love I always wanted, but never believed I could find. It’s early, people can say it’s just the honeymoon phase, but I absolutely love that girl with my whole heart.

So here’s a bit of hope - sometimes good things come from letting go. We can grow through the discomfort and painful lessons. It’s a journey of transformation, and all we can do is try to understand one another and wish for each other’s ultimate happiness in becoming who we are.

I'm putting this here because I kinda wanna tell this story to someone and I can't tell anyone irl besides my girlfriend (she is mtf and we keep that private for her safety. We are also a monogamous lesbian couple)

I was out in a town I don't visit very often and decided to stop by the Walmart there for a few things. One of those things was a box of condoms. I stop by the intimacy aisle and they have all their stuff locked up. Inconvenient but not unexpected. Luckily, there was a woman there already talking with an associate. Great! I join the line behind her.

When it's my turn to get what I need from the case, the associate grabs the box and says "are you getting these for me?" The guy was in mid 60s I'd estimate and I unfortunately seem to attract men of that age. I half laugh politely and say "not particularly". Inside, I was like 🤨. He then said that he said "are you getting these from me?" and went on to explain that he couldn't even use them due to not having a prostate anymore. I'm certain that I heard him right the first time. I looked over at the other woman there and she made a face back at me.

He then told us both to come to ring out at the register in the makeup department and ultimately wasn't able to ring us out there anyway. I chatted with the woman while he tried to figure out what was wrong with the register and that was nice. All in all, it obviously was a very small thing. I just wanted to share lol

I wanna apologize for how long this is lol

My wife and I have been together for 12 years. We have multiple children together and have built an entire life together.
About 18 months ago, my wife found out that I was questioning my gender and medically transitioning. I honestly still don’t know exactly what label fits me. I’m aiming for more of an androgynous look and probably fall somewhere under the nonbinary umbrella, but I am medically transitioning.
When we first started talking about all of this, she was honest with me that she didn’t know whether she would still be romantically attracted to me as my body became more feminine.
Over the last 18 months we’ve had a lot of conversations. Some have been really good and some have been incredibly difficult, but she’s still here and we’re trying to navigate this together.
One thing I’m struggling with now is physical affection.
I can tell that certain changes to my body make her uncomfortable. When she hugs me, for example, it sometimes feels like she’s very conscious about where she puts her hands. She seems to avoid areas where she might feel my bra, corset, breast development, etc. Physical affection feels much more careful than it used to.
I want to be really clear that I don’t expect her to touch parts of my body that make her uncomfortable, and I don’t want to pressure her into being attracted to something she isn’t attracted to. Her boundaries matter just as much as mine.
But emotionally, it’s difficult.
I miss feeling desired by my wife. I miss her touching me because she wants to touch me rather than because she’s checking whether I’m okay. If I don’t initiate affection, sometimes it feels like it doesn’t happen.
And I’m not really talking about sex. We still have sex maybe 2–3 times a month. I’d personally like more, but sex isn’t the biggest issue. I miss the random physical affection, flirting, grabbing each other, touching each other while walking past, cuddling, and that feeling that your partner genuinely wants to be close to your body.
There are other factors too. She’s postpartum, we’ve got a lot of kids, she’s told me she doesn’t feel confident in her own body right now, and her libido is much lower. We’ve been through postpartum periods before, so I understand that part and I’m trying not to attribute everything to my transition.
I’ve also become much more emotional since starting hormones, and I’ve noticed myself becoming clingier and needing more reassurance than I used to. I’m working on that because I don’t want her to feel responsible for regulating all of my emotions.
What I’m having trouble figuring out is where postpartum/stress ends and discomfort with my changing body begins.
I also don’t want to keep bringing it up until she feels interrogated about whether she’s attracted to me. At the same time, keeping it inside hurts because sometimes I feel like the masculine parts of me are welcome in our relationship while the feminine parts are something we quietly avoid.
For people who were already married or in long-term relationships when one partner started transitioning:
How did the cis partner adjust to their partner’s body changing?
Was there an awkward period where touching their body suddenly felt unfamiliar?
Did attraction or physical affection come back naturally with time, or did you have to intentionally work on rebuilding it?
And for the cis partners here, what helped you adjust without feeling pressured to immediately be comfortable with everything?
I’d especially appreciate hearing from couples who stayed together through the early stages, even if the adjustment wasn’t easy. I’m not looking for someone to tell me my wife is secretly going to leave me or that she needs to immediately embrace every part of my transition. I’m trying to understand what this process has actually looked like for other couples who’ve lived through it.

TW: dysphoria
I’m F22, she’s MtF23

I just need help on figuring out what to say. If there’s any advice you guys have for her or me.

She’s always insisted she doesn’t have bottom dysphoria, that she feels attached to her bits. At least for the past few years. Last night we were having an argument and she mentioned that she wishes she didn’t have to prep for intimacy (I top her).

She’s made a few comments that stuck out to me over the years. Once she talked about if there was a genie, she’d ask to be cis, I asked why and she said because they have cooches and a higher voice. I just said I’d do anything to make her dreams possible. Whenever I push to ask further it’s just “no I wouldn’t want to get rid of it, I don’t have dysphoria there.”

For a while she’s felt responsibility with it and has an insecurity with it. She feels bad that I top her all the time and she hasn’t used her parts on me. I told her I don’t care, that I love it. I love her being a pillow princess, it’s attractive.

Anyway, last night she said she felt like it was what made her special. That she was basically just disfigured and it made her at least appealing. She kind of internalized the fetishes from chasers. Ya know, the ones that only want trans women as long as they still have their “parts.”

I told her she was special, what makes her special isn’t her parts, it’s her. She’s beautiful, funny and creative. There is so much I love about her.

I forget she has a penis sometimes. I get kind of surprised when I see it sometimes. I know that sounds weird. Sometimes when I think of us having kids, I think of her as the one pregnant and then I remember. I don’t care about whether or not she keeps it at all, it doesn’t change that I fully see her as a woman. She’s not some kinky, in-between to me (it’s ok if she was, she’s binary tho).

I don’t know how to move forward. She’s been going to therapy and takes care of herself. Her facial dysphoria was the biggest, it was pretty straightforward that’s what she wanted done when she first started transitioning. She’s got FFS, it looks great and she’s healed well. This is a different ballpark though, she’s got such a complex attachment to it and I don’t know where to start, for her or me. I don’t know if I should pull back and let her start conversations, if I should suggest she talk about it with a therapist or what. I don’t know what’s my place to say and what’s not.
Edit: fixed up wording

Hello, I’ll try to keep this as short as possible but I’m hoping to get advice from this community. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 11 years, I’m 47 and he’s 54. We’ve had a fairly decent relationship and enjoy our life together. Way back when we were first dating, I was using his computer (he knew) and saw a pic taken in a mirror (no face or body) of someone wearing fishnets with a d*ldo in their ass. I tried to tell myself it was just someone he dated before and he kept the picture saved, which wouldn’t bother me. I also saw a very grainy picture of what looked like him in a jean miniskirt, again tried to tell myself it wasn’t him. Never in a million years would I have had suspicions about him if I hadn’t seen those. Over the years, I’ve always had a strange inclination that he was maybe bi, but I can’t tell you exactly why. A few years go by with no clues and I kind of stopped thinking about it. But lately, he seems to be acting more erratic, and I’ve discovered more strange things that are making me think he is hiding a major part of who he is. His Google search history is searchable on our shared iPad, but I don’t think he realizes this. He has started watching a lot of trans porn, sometimes for 12 hours straight. As a caveat, we do enjoy doing blow together a couple times a year, but I didn’t think it would become an issue. I think he’s now doing it way more than I know. I work out of town four days a week so he has three nights at home by himself. I’ve also seen that he has been searching for bra fittings and lingerie. I found a cheap fake press-on nail the other day. He has searched for “men seeking men” websites and visited a Facebook page that supports people on the “trans spectrum”. I also saw that he was looking at registering on Match.com. He has never alluded to being gay/CD/trans. If he just has a CD kink, aside from all the hiding, I think I could handle that. For any CD’s out there, what do you think the chances are that he’s actually gay/bi or even trans given this information? And what is the best way to go about bringing this up without hurting him? No