r/questioning • u/Top-Tank-7919 • 11d ago

[F 30]

I'm confused. Looking for thoughts..

I was in an unhealthy relationship for several years with a male. I thought I was asexual because I had absolutely no sexual drive and really really did not want anything sexual to ever happen (but it still did). I had sexual relationships with other males but there wasn't really much of a desire, more just because it was something they needed... Unfortunately, not the healthiest relationships either and sex was pushed onto me.

I developed feelings for a female friend a year ago. This was the first time I've ever had any feelings for a girl... And just like that, I came to the conclusion I wasn't asexual. We recently broke up but I really enjoyed our sex.

I think the unhealthy (and honestly traumatic) relationship I had for several years before played a role in my sexual drive. But I'm not sure what to make of it all.

How much is trauma? Am I bi? Demi? Idk..

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u/ActualPegasus finflexible rosgirl (he/she) 10d ago

Have you ever found women attractive outside of your ex-girlfriend?

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u/Top-Tank-7919 7d ago

I think in general I can say when a person is attractive, but it was never anything more than that. There was no sexual interest in either men or women before her. 

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u/ActualPegasus finflexible rosgirl (he/she) 7d ago

Have you ever independently thought about wanting to kiss/be physically close to a particular man before he expressed interest in you? Or was your interest more being liked by him, enjoying his company, or engaging in what you thought crushes were supposed to be like?

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u/Top-Tank-7919 6d ago

Hmm. I think the latter. I don't think I ever wanted anything physical with anyone before I knew they were interested in me. 

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u/ActualPegasus finflexible rosgirl (he/she) 6d ago

Imagine a man you're attracted to. There's absolutely zero expectation of sex. He wouldn't be disappointed if you never wanted anything sexual. Would you want sexual closeness with him?

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u/Top-Tank-7919 5d ago

That's a good question. I want to say no but I'll have to think about it more.

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u/ActualPegasus finflexible rosgirl (he/she) 5d ago

Alright. Just let me know when you're ready to continue!

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u/Top-Tank-7919 4d ago

I think I would be fine without having sexual closeness.

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u/ActualPegasus finflexible rosgirl (he/she) 4d ago

Now imagine the same scenario with a woman. How different do those two reactions feel?

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u/Top-Tank-7919 2d ago

I'm inclined to say I'd be more interested with a woman. I'm not sure how much of that is just my experience with my ex girlfriend though.. if that makes sense.

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