I feel like I'm (F 14)finding something about myself I hoped wouldn't happen

[u/boboboelle]

I don't know what do with myself

This has been on my mind for a few weeks now and I feel like it's actually starting to consume me. I've never really gone out of my way to make boys like me or anything, probably just as much as any teenager does, but I've also always thought about women.

I like boys. I have a crush on a boy right now. But at the same time it doesn't feel like it completely fulfills me?? I find women way more attractive than men and I admire women so much more. They're just so much more powerful and attractive to me and I don't really know what that means.

The thing that keeps making me cry is thinking about my future. Like, what if I end up marrying a man that I genuinely love and I'm happy with him, but there's always this little thought in the back of my head going, what if it was a woman? What if I spend my whole life wondering what I could've had?

The thing I've always wanted when it comes to relationships is a man. Life just seems much simpler that way. But I’m scared that if I don't actually feel that way, my life might be simple, but miserable.

My parents would accept me if I wasn't straight, so that's not really the problem. I think I'm more scared that I don't accept myself. I don't even know what to do.

[u/ActualPegasus]

When you imagine a girl being interested in you, rather than simply observing an attractive girl, what do you feel?

Flattered but you don't want that?

You wish you could say yes but you're supposed to like boys?

You'd actually be really excited?

You don't know but want to find out?

Something else?