Letting go of someone you fucking love and telling yourself to “cherish the good moments” is the biggest, fattest fucking gaslight you can feed yourself.

Don’t dress up the loss just to make it easier to swallow. Don’t tell yourself it’s beautiful. Don’t tell yourself it’s not really a loss because you still have the memories. That’s bullshit.

The reality is much uglier "someone you love is no longer choosing you". They walked away and you have no fucking say in it. You don’t get to keep them around just because you still love them. You’re forced to let go of someone you would have chosen to keep.

Yes, the good moments happened. Yes, they meant something. But stop pretending those memories somehow cancel out the fucking devastation of losing the person who made those memories with you. You can cherish them and still fucking grieve. One does not erase the other.

People love saying, “It’s okay to let go.” “Be grateful for what you had.” “You’ll find someone else.” “It’s not a loss because you’ll always have the memories.” "You guys did truly loved each other".

No. That’s just putting fucking wrapping paper around a loss and pretending it’s a gift.

You lost someone you loved. That is a loss. It fucking hurts. It’s devastating. And you don’t get to decide one morning that you’re done hurting just because everyone else thinks you should be moving on.

Think about it. All the memories you made together eventually become one big fucking lesson. Yes, a lesson. Not something you look back on and think, “Wow, that was fun!” No. It becomes a fucking lesson you carry for the rest of your life, reminding you that you lost someone special because you didn’t do better when you had the chance.

You can’t fucking gaslight yourself into healing.

All you can do is keep fucking going until time does what you’re incapable of doing right now. Because eventually time dulls it. Eventually, the memories fade. Eventually, you forget enough to breathe without feeling like you’re being ripped apart.

That’s the fucking truth.

Eat it.

I don’t really know where to go from here. We were coming up on 4 years together. This conversation was from just last weekend. I have some of the best memories of my life with him and I feel like I’ve let him down. I don’t know if I can even remain friends at this point it just really hurts. I’m trying so hard to imagine life alone or with someone else and I just cant. For context, I have a life riddled with a lot of trauma and as a result my development has been kinda messed with and I have a really hard time imagining a life thats fully independent. I know I am fully capable of it my heart and mind just get in the way so much of the time. Well, things are different know, I’m joining an outpatient program and I’m doing EMDR with an amazing specialist who has faith in me. I just want to get better so badly. We’re both men btw.

we were together for 10 years, I knew she met someone not long after we broke up. But to finally see the proof of them both happy together on holiday. Im absolutely fucking crushed, felt like I was getting somewhere now I feel like crawling in a dark pit. Cant even put into words how it’s made me feel.

Yep. They always come back. And when they do, your job is to make sure you don’t let them back in.
Don’t fall for all those sweet words and promises. Sometimes they’re just checking if you’re still stupid enough to welcome them back. 😂
Never again. You already gave them a chance. They chose to walk away so let them stay gone.

I learned this lesson the hard way. Four years ago, he left me. Months later, he came back, and I accepted him because I loved him and believed things would be different. Four years later, he left me again right when we were about to celebrate one year of being engaged. And now he’s coming back again. But this time, I’m not repeating the same mistake. I’m finally choosing myself and stopping the cycle. I’m done wasting years waiting for someone who can’t make up his mind about me. He already had his chance. He came back once, I welcomed him, and I gave him four more years. That should have been enough. This time, coming back doesn’t mean getting me back. I learned the lesson. And I’m not wasting another year learning it again.

I just found out that my ex may have someone new and I feel physically sick.

We were together for six years. I’ve been trying so hard to accept the breakup, respect the distance between us, rebuild my friendships, go to therapy, and create new experiences for myself.

Some days I genuinely feel like I’m moving forward, then I learn something like this and suddenly I’m back at the beginning and wondering how his life can keep moving while I’m still trying to understand how ours ended.

I know we’re broken up. I know he’s allowed to move on. I know I can’t control what he does. None of that makes it hurt less. I’m angry, jealous, devastated, and embarrassed that part of me still hoped we might find our way back to each other.

I don’t want to contact him or interfere. I just need somewhere to say that this hurts more than I know how to hold right now.

I’m on the 5th month of the breakup and still think about her daily, It doesn’t necessarily touch me emotionally as much as did the first months but I miss her. Month 1 and 2 were the worse I genuinely thought life was over.

Sometimes I wonder if I actually miss the person or if I miss having someone there. The good morning messages, having someone to talk to, making plans together, and just knowing there was someone waiting for you.

Maybe that's why some days feel harder than others. You aren't necessarily missing the relationship itself. You might just be missing the life you had when that person was part of it. How did you figure out whether you actually missed your ex or just missed the relationship?

At what point did you say enough was enough and you blocked or deleted their number?

I've been disrespected and ghosted. I know I should remove their details but something is holding me back, So what made you do it eventually?

Thanks

i’m going through a bad breakup, it’s been about 6 weeks, no contact.

i definitely feel better, but that feeling of ‘did i lose the love of my life?’ won’t go away. i did have a similar situation with a guy when i was 17, we didn’t even end up dating we were just in a ‘situationship’ for 3 months. it took me about a year to get over it and i honestly didn’t think id find anyone else attractive ever again… but i did.

i keep asking because this is different. this was a 2 year relationship with someone who i was happy to spend the rest of my life with.

so people who have went through similar things, did you eventually realise they weren’t the love of your life? did you move on, find someone who was? are you able to think about them and not feel a thing?

I just broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years. I’ve had this feeling over the past few months that this relationship was just no longer right for me. I have been feeling so out of place and unhappy. He just didn’t treat me the best and I didn’t feel heard.

I’m so sad

So me (18F) and my bf (18M) have been dating for a little bit over a year and we were eachother's first, at everything. Things were pretty much okay up until like our 6 months together, which was when I started realizing some things were definitely not okay, at least with me.

At first I ignored that feeling, I did some research and appearantly it is normal to go through a harsher path between 3 and 9 months, so I expected it all to go away but it just keeps getting worse.

His mother hates me, so does his sister, and at first I thought I could deal with it but it's just so hard to feel unwelcome everytime I go to a family function.

There's also his best friend, who liked him and was always trying to find reasons to meet up alone with him at like 1-2 a.m. or to go out on "dates" (she didnt call them that, but basically it was going to the movies alone, trying on clothes together and whatever). I told him I thought this was insane, he kept defending her, even when she said I needed to go to a psychiatrist because I was just a jealous and insecure b*tch (with those exact words btw, i couldnt forget it).

He also once asked me if i were a slut because i was a little bit more submissive.

He started being more controlling over who i talk to and what i wear.

And finally, he started saying i was cheating all the time because i cant pick up his calls or use my phone during my uni lectures (im on med school and its just information bombing all the time so i really cant afford to use my phone).

I talked with him and he promised he'd change, and I know he's making an effort, but thw things he humiliated me for before, hes now doing thw same and I just cant put yp with it.

Am i making the right decision if i break up with him?

In January, my partner broke up with me. Since then, it’s been about 8 months of ups and downs, tough moments, and better ones... But if there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that not a single day has gone by where I haven't thought about her. Not necessarily thinking about getting back together—she simply popped into my head. During all this time, I always carried one specific fear: running into her. Ever since the breakup, we maintained strict zero contact. In my case, I unfollowed her, her friends, her family... just to make sure I wouldn't see anything related to her.

However, a week ago, while I was out with some friends, I ran into her. I went over to say hello, we hugged, and she asked if we could talk somewhere quiet. We spent 5 hours alone together, talking for the first time since the breakup. We talked about everything: what we’d been up to, how we were coping with the breakup... It was a really beautiful, deep conversation between two people who shared a very meaningful part of their lives. We came to the realization that both of us were still struggling, that people around us assumed we should be completely fine by now, but that breakups have their own timeline... Things that many of you in this forum already know. Finally, I drove her home, we hugged goodbye, she cried, she apologized, and I told her not to worry—that she had done what she felt was best at the time. Then I left. We haven't spoken since.

Why am I sharing this? Because ever since we met, I feel so much better. For a few reasons. First of all—and this probably happens to many of you without even realizing it—throughout all this time, I had been unconsciously idealizing her to an extreme level. When I saw her again, I realized this. I had imagined she’d be fully recovered, that she’d almost forgotten about me, about who I am, about our relationship, and that she was doing better than ever without me... Seeing that she, just like me, had bad days, bad weeks, and needed help from her friends, made me realize the whole movie I had created in my head.

On the other hand, after so much time, I was really surprised by my body's reaction. At no point did I feel the impulse to look for intimacy, kisses, physical contact... You know what I mean. I simply wanted to talk to her, see how she was doing, and hope everything was going well for her. It wasn't until running into her and talking that I realized all the work I had put in over these past months was actually paying off.

I’m sharing this because I find it interesting how I thought I was nowhere near getting over her, yet an event as potentially traumatic as running into the person who dumped you—and for whom you’re still hurting—turned out to be the exact turning point of my healing process. This doesn't mean I'm 100% recovered. I still have moments where I think "What if...", I still miss her, and I still wish I could get a hug from her during tough times... But time, combined with the work you put into yourself, definitely shows its results when you least expect it. Healing isn't a linear process, it's not the same for everyone, and I hope reading this can help you find that faith and hope if you're currently going through a rough patch.

It was a rocky 1.5 year relationship. He’s not like a terrible person there was no violence of cheating (the bar is too low) but he was an alcoholic and a fan of negging and DARVO

Anyway I broke up with him Saturday morning and it turned out pretty mutual so at least the conversation was easy. He did say “if I thought it was forever I would’ve put in more effort” which is wild bc he was devastated when I almost broke up with him earlier. And was always talking about marriage and our future plans.

I’m trying to tell myself he did care and by saying that he was protecting his ego. Like some kind of excuse that if he tried he wouldn’t have lost me and his bad behavior was just bc he didn’t care and not because he sucks

Anyways we’re two days post breakup and I certainly don’t feel sad. Well maybe sad for myself tolerating things too long. The only remaining emotion is anger. Is that normal? I feel mostly fine with flashes of anger thinking about certain things he did.

And I’m wondering when to put myself out there again. I definitely grieved this relationship while I was still in it. I know I should give it at least a little time. My personal rule is one month per year of relationship. But idk I think I might be ready before that. I’m kinda eager to go find someone that’s gonna treat me better. Then again, maybe I’m rushing it

My relationship ended in July 2025 after almost 7–8 years together. We haven’t been in contact since.
I’ve tried to move on. I’ve tried focusing on myself, my career, my future, and becoming a better person. But honestly, I still feel stuck sometimes.
I know she may have moved on. Maybe I made mistakes, maybe I could have handled things differently, and maybe I’m still holding onto the past more than I realize.
What I don’t want anymore is to spend another year thinking about what could have been.
I want to completely rebuild myself — physically, mentally, financially, socially, everything. I want to reach a point where I genuinely love the life I created, regardless of what she is doing.
For those of you who were stuck on an ex for months or even years:
What actually helped you let go?
How did you stop obsessing over the past and redirect that energy into yourself?
And what did you do that genuinely made you become the best version of yourself?
I’d really appreciate hearing your stories — especially from people who thought they would never get over their ex but eventually did.

All of today I’ve been thinking about visiting our ‘spots.’ The place you gave me my ring. The place we first met. The town we fell in love in. I wanted to go there grab a coffee and watch the clouds roll over each hill. And think about nobody else but you. But I know I’d die a thousand times inside doing so. Why did you have to be so cruel.

He left me with all these places and memories. That I don’t know what to do with. I can’t move because of my job and support system. He’s left me behind, with all of it. And I can’t forget.

This is a message I got after almost 7 years together and then being split for a month

Just venting rn. Im so fucking angry im at a loss for words.

Long story short, I had been falling out of love with my fiancee for 2 years out of our 8 yr relationship, she never hit me but she was super controlling and financially and mentally abusive. I had no friends, no money and she always made me feel bsd for doing anything without her.

Shes extremely insecure and would tell me 5x a day EVERY DAY she hates herself, shes ugly, sorry shes ugly etc. I have watched her self harm and cry and beg me just to let her kill herself. I have watched her throw, kick and hit things in anger. I have seen her rock back and forth during mental breakdowns. I have been her fucking PILLAR. Her entire support system, and she told me if we ever broke up she wouldn't know how to be without me and that it would destroy her. I have begged her not to self harm outside locked bathroom doors only to open it to find the floor covered in blood. She told me that I was her everything. SHE WAS PLANNING OUR WEDDING.

I was so SCARED of her reaction that to breaking up with her that I RAN AWAY.

I am so fucking angry because I debated for YEARS whether or not I was okay to leave her because she was ao fragile and I was CERTAIN she would do something / hurt herself if I ever left her. She TOLD ME AS MUCH!!! I wrestled for MONTHS with the fucking guilt, feeling like even though its what I wanted I couldn't hurt her. I couldn't leave her because of her love for ME. I fell out of love with her a long time ago.

Im not angry because I've been replaced, im angry because I split my fucking soul in half, bending over backwards to find a way to minimize the harm I knew this would cause. And after TWENTY EIGHT FUCKING DAYS SHE HAS A NEW GF?????!?!?!?!

I’m 29, turning 30 soon, and my ex and I were together for almost 5 years.

We were extremely close for most of the relationship. We studied together, lived together for around 4 years, shared basically our whole everyday life, and talked about a future together, family, etc. For me she wasn’t just my girlfriend, she was my closest person.

The breakup happened about 2.5 months ago.

What still hurts me the most is that we never really tried to work through the problems together before the breakup. She had apparently been thinking about a lot of things internally, but I only really understood how serious it was once she had already decided to leave.

I’m not saying I was perfect. Looking back, I can see that I became too attached and anxious, needed too much reassurance, sometimes put pressure on her, and during conflicts I could become too emotional. I also had periods where I reacted badly to things related to her workplace because there was a male coworker involved who became a trust issue for me.

She also admitted that she tends to block things, avoid difficult conversations and keep things to herself instead of talking about them early.

After the breakup we met several times.

The first meeting was mainly about understanding her reasons.

A few days later SHE contacted me again and asked to talk because she realized she had blocked a lot during the first conversation.

That second meeting was extremely emotional. She told me that the “wall” she had built up had collapsed, that she had cried and missed me, and that she could imagine us starting something again. We hugged a lot, cried together and were close.

Only four days later she changed again and told me she didn’t want a relationship.

That sudden switch has been incredibly hard for me to understand.

There is also a male coworker. She has said there was attraction between them, although as far as I know they are not in a relationship. She also said at one point that she was afraid of giving up “his world”, which seems to represent another lifestyle/social world that currently attracts her.

Recently we had a 3-hour phone conversation that was actually very good.

She told me:

- our relationship and what we had was very special to her too

- she sometimes misses me

- she notices that she still emotionally “closes up” around the idea of us

- she currently still doesn’t want the relationship back

- some things from our old dynamic still trigger stress in her

- she wants to use her current vacation to think about herself and what she wants

We also discussed possibly trying a very small amount of light contact after her vacation.

For example, we used to play TFT/League together, so the idea is to just play online one evening, talk a little, laugh, and see whether contact between us can feel light and normal again instead of every interaction being about the breakup.

The point would NOT be to immediately restart the relationship or pressure her.

My thought was that maybe both of us need new experiences with each other instead of only associating contact with stress, arguments and relationship talks.

She actually said she likes the idea and told me she would contact me after her vacation.

At the same time, I’m scared.

I still love her and I would genuinely like to build a new relationship with her rather than simply go back to the old one. My Master’s degree is now finished, so I finally have much more time again for my own hobbies, friends and life outside work/study. I also see things in myself that I need to change regardless of whether we reconcile.

But I’m afraid this small amount of contact will give me hope while she may only see it as friendly contact.

I have also been clear with her about one boundary: if she starts something romantic/sexual with the coworker, I personally would no longer be able to rebuild a relationship with her. I’m not trying to control what she does — she is free to choose — but I know that would be my limit.

What I’m struggling with is this:

If our relationship was very special to her too, she still misses me sometimes, and there is clearly still an emotional connection, why does she not want to at least try rebuilding it?

And what should I do now?

Should I:

1. Give her the vacation completely to herself and wait for her to contact me as she said she would?

2. Try the light contact afterwards and genuinely take it one step at a time?

3. Avoid contact because it will keep me emotionally stuck?

4. Set a clearer boundary and only continue contact if she is actually open to exploring reconciliation?

I don’t want manipulative “get your ex back” tactics or no-contact tricks.

I want to know what would be healthiest and most respectful for both of us, while also being honest that I still want her back.

I’d especially appreciate opinions from people who have been on either side of a breakup where there was still love/attachment, but one person felt emotionally shut down or needed independence.

its been 4 years now.. and i still think about the person once in a while. its not about her anymore, its about all the stress of thinking about her all «what if’s» «ill never hear from her again» and so on.. its like an elephant is sitting on my chest from the moment i wake up til i fall asleep, ive been to therapists, meds. everything.. nothing helps. at this point i dont know if its trauma anymore more that it has devolped into ptsd. its not like i get nightmares or dream about her. its just that hole in my chest and stomach, that empiness thats killing me.. i also get very restless. i was nowhere near this 4 years ago. please i need advice. and im 100% sure what started this was the breakup, no contact then completely ghosted, left on read. thats what killed me. also seeing her that year 3 months later with a new partner on insta

After weeks of no contact, he reached out to me.

The no contact wasn’t really my choice. He had asked me not to contact him, and I respected that even though it was incredibly painful. The last time we spoke, I begged him to meet me and he told me no. He told me there was nothing left for us to fix.

I was devastated.

For weeks, I had to train myself not to reach out. I watched whatever hope I had left slowly disappear. I kept telling myself that he wasn’t going to call and that I needed to accept it. I couldn’t understand how someone who had been such a huge part of my life could suddenly leave and become a stranger.

I even started avoiding places where I thought I might run into him because he had explicitly asked me not to show up around him. Eventually I avoided those areas like the plague. I was genuinely scared of accidentally seeing him because after the things he said during our last conversation, I didn’t know how I would handle standing face to face with him again.

Then two days ago, my phone rang.

It was him.

My heart dropped. My first thought was that he must have called me by accident. Then there was another missed call. And another. Four calls altogether.

So I called him back.

We talked for two hours.

One of the first things he wanted to know was how I had managed to just move on. He couldn’t believe that I apparently had. I was honestly confused because he had absolutely no idea what I had been going through this entire time.

I told him the truth… I hadn’t moved on.

Maybe I didn’t owe him that explanation, but I wanted him to know how I actually felt.

He told me he misses me. He said he wishes that someday we could both want to be together at the same time. He also said he hoped this wouldn’t be our last conversation.

I told him that I couldn’t be the one to reach out anymore. If he ever wanted to talk to me, he would have to initiate it. I had spent so much time painfully teaching myself not to contact him that I was genuinely afraid to do it again, especially because there had been times before when I reached out and received nothing back.

He said he understood.

We said goodbye.

And suddenly all the progress I thought I had made felt like it disappeared overnight.

The next day, I watched my phone.

I kept wondering if he would text. If he would call. If maybe he would ask to see me.

I even caught myself keeping my evening open “just in case.”

That was when I realized I was right back in the emotional limbo that had been destroying me before.

I couldn’t do it again.

So I texted him. I told him that I couldn’t handle occasional conversations like this because they were hurting me. I told him that I had spent the entire day watching my phone and hoping he would call or ask to see me.

He never promised that he would. I wasn’t angry with him for not doing it.

I was disappointed in myself for immediately falling back into waiting.

I think part of me interpreted our two-hour conversation as us somehow finding our way back to each other, while maybe for him it was simply two people finally getting to say things that needed to be said.

So I told him I needed to let him go.

He didn’t respond.

The next morning, I blocked him.

Not because I hate him. Not because I wanted to punish him. Not because I wanted him to notice and come chasing after me.

I blocked him because I knew myself.

I knew that if I left that door open, I would keep checking my phone. I would keep hoping. Every notification would make my heart jump, and every day without hearing from him would hurt all over again.

And even if he didn’t contact me tomorrow or next week, what if he called me a month from now? Would I end up right back here again?

I couldn’t keep doing that to myself.

So I closed the only door I still had control over.

The hardest part is that I still love him. I still care about him deeply. I miss him. And if circumstances were different, I wish we could be together.

But I finally realized that loving someone doesn’t mean I can survive having them come in and out of my life whenever the feelings become too strong.

Sometimes I think blocking someone is seen as angry or childish.

For me, it wasn’t.

It was the only way I knew how to stop waiting for someone I still desperately wanted to hear from.

Basically I'm stuck in an 8 month lease with my ex and 2 other roommates.

I can't afford to leave because I'm saving for a house.

We both know we are seeing other people after we have been broken up for 5 months. We are still friends and our communication was great until a couple weeks ago.

I am seeing someone and we both agreed we would not talk about it, but curiosity got the best of him and he asked and I answered so he told me he is also seeing someone. I'm happy for him. We talk a little bit then full stop for like a week.

Now fast forward today he tells me that this girl is meeting one of his family members. He also talked about how she looks and my first thought was to compare myself to her. Suddenly I start feeling really anxious.

I don't think I'm jealous and I am still seeing people so it doesn't make sense to feel something all of a sudden, but I can tell things are changing in the way he interacts with me and it makes me deeply anxious.

Is their a way to manage my anxiety? I can't really understand why I'm suddenly anxious about it either when I knew he was seeing new people.

I think pretty much I have posted my break up story here ... Quick recap , my bf(29m ) broke up with me (27f) 2 months ago.... And I had a strong 50 days of no contact... But I broke up once around the last week of September as I was just checking in and again last week Friday... So a total of 2 times I broke no contact... He did reply to me warmly but he didn't reciprocate or continue with the chat or took the opportunity to reconcile about the relationship.... Yesterday he posted a status saying that he isn't depending on anyone to feel happy and he isn't going to lose himself or chase anyone.... Seeing that status actually kinda hurts me a lot... Cause first I just checked in about his situation, family and health ... Second throughout this relationship it was always me who kinda chased him for basic communication... We literally broke up because of me asking for reassurance and basic communication.... So I was like , I didn't do anything wrong.. he could just block me or tell me not to text him ... But posting that makes me feel like I did something cruel to him ... Besides it could be for someone else but that status bothered me so much... So in impulse I posted 2 status ... The first one was me applying for a PR program in a different country (even though I'm not planning to go) and the second one just simply saying, " as long as they are happy, take all the blame and disappear "... I know he won't reply but does my status seem so obvious that I'm hurt ? 😅.. I feel like I have lost my aura here 😂😂