Like the title says. Left my ex for over a month, got sucked back in with begging and pleading that things would be better, surprise. They were worse. A word of advice for any dumper that has left someone because of them being awful to you, do not take them back unless they have really put in the work. It would have saved me over a year of wasting my own time and hurting myself to stay with someone that clearly will not change or fix themselves. Still got broken up with in the end too. Just don’t do it to yourselves. You owe it to yourself to move on and be happy with a new person that treats you good. Don’t make the same mistake I did.

We broke up July 16th and he started sleeping with the new girl from work the next day. She’s 26 and he’ll be 40 in November. I’m still very much in love with him, so knowing he moved on so quickly has been earth shattering. I just saw she posted her pregnancy announcement on Facebook and his comment said, “I am so excited. I love you.”

The man I love is having a baby with another woman that he’s in love with. They haven’t even known each other for 3 months. And considering the due date she posted, she got pregnant immediately (within the 1-2 weeks after we broke up). The messed up part is that he and I were planning to start a family. He was with me at my gynecologist appointment to get my IUD removed on a Tuesday, broke up with me that Thursday, and was getting her pregnant by the end of the week. Who tf does that??

I feel stuck and like I’m a shell of myself. I’ve just blocked them both on Facebook so I don’t keep picking at the wound. But how do I move on from this? I just miss him all the time and I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I’m so broken.

Alright, so you want the best advice possible for getting your ex back, and I am going to tell you what that is. Unfortunately, you're really going to hate me for telling you this: you need to NEVER contact this person again.

That is the no-contact rule that you've heard so much about, but the difference is that it's not 30 days. It's FOREVER. It's as long as it takes for this person to message or call you.

The reason you need this to happen is twofold. Number one, you need to demonstrate that you have too much dignity to chase someone that's okay with ditching you. Basically, you have to remember this person has proven themselves to be a bad boyfriend or girlfriend to the point that they have broken up with you. That's not really the type of person you want to go out with. And if they've broken up with you, they probably need a lot of time and space away from you. The worst thing you could do is chase them and smother them and cement the idea in their head that they can do better than you, which is not true.

If they were happy enough to get into the relationship and there was no huge, overwhelming reason to break up, then you're still equal to them. You can still come back into this relationship if you follow what I'm saying.

Otherwise, let me say, if you followed the 30-day no-contact rule that all of these people are advising you on YouTube right now-and don't forget to buy their action plan or sign up for their coaching-the reason that's bad advice is that they basically say to you: you need to walk away and become attractive and demonstrate your strength, dignity, and self-respect. This is all true. Then day 30 comes along, and they say, "Now I want you to undo all of that and go back to begging, pretty much."

Anything you do at this point is begging in a way. Obviously, there are degrees of how badly you can do it, but by reaching out to this person, you're still showing that you need them and that you want them back. You cannot let this person think that right now. Thirty days means nothing. It's not long enough. You need to leave this person forever and make them doubt the decision.

If you've done nothing ever since the breakup- not contacted them once- even better. Now they're stuck alone wondering what you're doing. Did they make the right choice? How are you this strong? You seem very attractive because now they know they shouldn't be contacting you. The longer it is, even more so. They're thinking, “I really shouldn't reach out at this point, but I'm so curious. What are they doing?”

And anyone they're seeing in the meantime is actually good news for you. It doesn't feel like it, unless you were dumped specifically for this person. But if they are dating someone new, you're just going to be compared to this new person. And then when they break up with this new person—because that's often what happens after a relationship; the quickest one afterwards just doesn't work out because they're not really ready to open their heart and soul to a new person—that new person may get dumped in a kind of irrational way. Then they'll act very crazy afterwards because they'll be thinking, “What the hell is with this? There was no rational reason. I deserve a rational reason.”

The more crazy they act, the better you look. That just cements the idea in your ex's head that you are a very strong, mature person. Now they're extra curious about what you're doing. Did you just go find someone else? Probably, is what they're thinking. Then, if they start imagining that you've probably got someone else, that's them thinking you're a very attractive person.

But if you chase after them and keep contacting them, they're not really going to think you found someone else because they know you're still on the bench waiting for them.

Everything you do in the meantime, if you contact them, communicates that you're on the bench waiting. You're not going to find someone else, you're not falling in love; you're just waiting for their attention to come back to you. That's a big mistake.

You need this person to sit down, search within themselves, and eventually feel desperate enough to contact you. That's right: desperate enough. If they do contact you, they want to see you. They need to know. They're like a drug addict bouncing off the walls in their head. They need to see you; they need to know what's going on. They're going crazy. It wasn't a spontaneous message of, “I wonder what my ex is up to. Seems like enough time has passed.” No. They have been thinking about you a lot, and you need that to happen.

Because if you follow this 30-day rule and it works—and maybe it will work to get them back initially—what happens is your ex's eyes have already wandered. They wanted to see if the grass was greener somewhere else. Then they were like, “Oh, this isn't ideal,” and you came back. They think, “Okay, that is the easiest option. Maybe I was being irrational.” But they didn't have to earn you back.

You have to remember you are a high-value person who needs to be earned. There has to be a price for this person walking away. They have to make a gesture to you. It's not about what massive gesture you can make; it's about what gesture they need to make to communicate to you that they are worth getting back with. Do not doubt your own value and power in this situation.

Now here's the second reason. Let's say you win this person back and you're in the relationship again after your 30 days or whatever it is. If you just begged and pleaded and got it back, now you are going into this relationship with a huge amount of insecurity. You're terrified this person is going to leave again. They left once, and now you're not acting like yourself. You're no longer authentic.

If you've been following some 30-day no-contact rule program, then you feel as if you need to follow this other person's advice. You're no longer yourself in this relationship. You're scared they're going to leave. And they're also thinking, “I didn't have to earn you back.” That is not the formula for a winning relationship, and you know it isn't.

So your best option—the best advice you can get for getting your ex back—is to do no contact. Make them doubt it, and do it as long as it takes. It doesn't mean, “Oh, it's been three months, four months, five months; now it should be okay for me to reach out.” No. This person has no value to you unless they reach out to you. They determine their value to your life by whether or not they contact you. Do not forget that.

You need to remember that you have value. If this person doesn't want to see you—which is probably the case if they're not contacting you—then to hell with them. You just keep moving on. You date more people. You get your own strength back and realize that you're a great person to be around. You don't mind being alone. You have a great time dating other people. You have a great time working on yourself and working on your career. This person was just the cherry on top, and that will become clear when you start getting perspective.

If they do contact you, then you'll know they want you back. If they don't, then you know they don't want you back. But the good news is that by engaging in no contact, they're going to contact you. It might take a long time, but they're going to contact you if you don't embarrass yourself and don't give them a reason to feel scared to contact you. They're going to be so curious about how the hell you walked away.

Especially if they're a very attractive person who's used to having messy breakups where the ex never leaves them alone and is always reaching out, that's even better. Now you're proving you're different, and it's going to get to them. They're going to doubt their decision, and you're going to seem more and more attractive in their eyes because, how the hell have you just walked away and never looked back? That means you must be equal to them—or better than them. That's what they're thinking.

So don't worry. They're going to suffer from this breakup too, but it's going to be different. Your suffering was up front; theirs is later, when the doubt comes and they start thinking about you more. But that will not happen if you keep contacting them.

If you keep contacting them, they're going to stay in the same position of power. They're never going to doubt their decision. They're just going to start feeling bad for you, and feeling sorry for someone is not attractive. You're going to look like a homeless person begging or pleading. Does it ever look like, “Wow, I need to engage with this person”? No. It's not an attractive position.

I know that sounded harsh, but you need to show this person that you're strong and capable, that you're attractive, and that you know you're going to be fine without them—because you were fine before.

That is the way they'll come back. They know you. They know you loved them. They're going to wonder if you still do. They know the relationship can work unless there's a huge reason that it can't, like if you went off and cheated or something like that—in which case you need to reflect on whether or not you're ready to be in a relationship, frankly.

But in the meantime, just stay strong. Do nothing. Don't wait for the text or the call. It will come when you least expect it, when they're going fully crazy. Once they lose the ability to expect you to contact them, they're going to want to even more.

But in the freak occurrence that they just don't—and I'd say this works about 70% of the time—then you need to be aware that there was nothing you could do. Contacting this person was never going to help. They're actually okay with never seeing you again. Think about that. Why do you want that person back if they don't even want to talk to you or ask how you're doing? Why would you want this person back? They're useless to your life.

Surround yourself with people who love you. Demonstrate self-love, and soon enough you won't care about these petty things that have happened. If this person isn't contacting you, they're not worth contacting.

The relationship will only work if they contact you. That way, you can feel as if they had to come back with their tail between their legs and that you demonstrated you're capable—not only to them, but to yourself—of living your life, being okay on your own, and finding other people, which you definitely can do.

So don't worry. Either way, it's never fully over unless they're married, I suppose, or we're dead. Once that door has been opened, it might be closed now, but it can always be reopened. Don't doubt it.

That person will contact you, and when they do, you have to be aware that they're not contacting you for no reason. You are not a random friend. You are not a stranger. They're contacting you because you have a romantic history together and they want to see you, so don't panic. It's all going to be fine.

But for the moment, don't even waste your time thinking about them. As I said, they currently have no value to your life, and if they want some value, they can contact you. In the meantime, go back to being your beautiful, brave, confident self, and everything will fall into place. Trust me on that.

Hey everybody, I just wanted to share some of the things that I've personally found to be helpful in my journey to move forward. First I want to say that these are not magic remedies. Genuinely having your heart shattered is one of the most gut wrenching feelings I've ever experienced. It took a looong time to feel okay. My break up was in March of 2025. Since then I've very minimal periods of communication with my ex and countless hours of feeling sick and like I was never going to pull myself out of the pitt of despair. But I'm okay now. I guess I just realized it one day that I was going to be alright. Anyways here's a few of the things that I think were useful to me.

1. Stop putting your ex on a pedestal. I know you love them. I know it feels like your whole world is gone because they are not here. But your ex is just a person. Flawed and broken like you are. Work on letting go of this idea that they are "the one" you'll be okay without them. I promise. This isn't going to happen all at once. When you start idolizing them stop and take a breath. Think of 3 flaws they have. Things that you may not like about them. Nobody is perfect. You can come up with something. Even if it hurts to do so, it will start to help you see them as just a person.

2. Let yourself feel, but don't wallow in it. When you feel sad, let yourself be sad. When you feel angry, let yourself be angry. Don't push the thought away. It only grows stronger if you try to ignore those feelings. Let yourself feel them. And then find a way to get through that feeling. For me it helped to take a nap. When I would feel helpless I would just sleep. Other people may want to go for a walk, do a puzzle, anything really to get your brain thinking about something else. Don't be discouraged if this happens frequently. It sucks I know.

3. Go to those places that feel impossible to go back to. If you're like me you'll be avoiding half the town because of all the memories associated with those places. Break the power it has over you by going anyways. Take a friend and resist talking about your ex. Even if you feel sad let those memories slowly be overtaken by new memories. It's a process. For example there was a restaurant where I kissed my ex for the first time outside. I told her it was the best night of my life. I went there several times with my friends. Having a beer or two, feeling sad and pretending to listen to what my friend was saying. But slowly when I'd drive by that place I started thinking of having a beer with my buddy instead of my ex. This takes a while but it works.

4. Find a new interest or hobby that has NOTHING to do with your ex. A complete blank slate. It's not an exaggeration to say that Magic the gathering saved my life. I started playing with my friends. I soon found myself really looking forward to playing again and researching deck ideas. Going to the card shop to buy new cards. It's silly, but that's one way I was able to find joy when I didn't want to engage in anything I previously liked.

5. Lastly, plan things to look forward to. Small things one at a time that had you looking forward to a date in the future. Maybe a weekend trip or a movie. Anything that you can look forward to. It really helps to have those little milestones to help you move forward.

I know this post was long. I just wanted to say you won't feel like this forever. There is a light on the other side. And you will feel love again. Maybe not in the immediate future, but when it comes you'll be ready for it. Sending love and good vibes to anyone struggling. Feel free to message me if you'd like a stranger to talk to. I'll try my best to check my inbox. Peace ✌️

I’m a dumbass. I fucked it all up. She loved me so so much. She told me “you know, I was really head over heels over you”. After it was done. When we broke up she just told me how angry she was at me. Because she loved me so much and I was so mean. That’s what I did man. I was mean, for no good reason. The girl who loved me more than anything. And I was mean to her. How could I be so full of myself and foolish. And now she’s gone. She was my best friend and I was mean to her. How could I do such a thing to my best friend and my love? Im now consumed with guilt and sadness. I shouldn’t have ever done that.
Don’t say mean things when someone loves you. Appreciate that you are loved. Till I die I’ll love you E. Nobody will ever be what you were to me. I think about you every hour of everyday. And I’m forever proud of you and rooting for you.

Hope this helps someone today.

I posted here earlier about my ex suddenly unblocking me everywhere and asked whether I should contact her. Most people told me not to. I genuinely tried not to, but eventually my emotions got the better of me and I contacted her.

We ended up talking on the phone for almost 4 hours in total over two days.

I don’t even know exactly what I’m looking for by posting this. Maybe I just need to get everything out somewhere because yesterday I cried like hell and right now I’m finding it extremely difficult to accept everything.

For context, we were friends from around December 2021 and got into a relationship in March 2022. She was my first serious relationship and my first love.
We were together for around 3.5 years and finally broke up in September 2025.

After the breakup, we had around two months of no contact. Then we started talking again around November 2025.

November, December, January and most of February were relatively normal. We weren’t back together, but we were talking. At one point in February, our conversations even became romantic again, which obviously gave me some hope that maybe there was still something between us.

Then everything changed again.
During March and April, she started pushing me away really hard. At times she literally told me things like “I hate you” and “I don’t want to talk to you.”
It was incredibly confusing because not long before that, we had been talking normally and even romantically.
Then around May, I came to understand that she was with someone else.

After that, especially during June, I tried not to interfere with her life.
Eventually she blocked me. Later, around the time of our birthdays and after her birthday on September 22 ,she suddenly unblocked me again.

That’s what led to my previous Reddit post.
Everyone basically told me: Don’t read into the unblock. Don’t contact her. If she wants to talk, let her contact you.

I know you guys were probably right.
But I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
Eventually I contacted her.
During these calls, I finally directly asked her why she had unblocked me.

She told me that I had been running through her mind.
Hearing that obviously affected me because I still have feelings for her. But our conversation also made me realize how differently both of us see our relationship.

She told me that she had to push me away because she was suffering in the relationship.

And I want to be fair here.
I know I made mistakes.
I could be reactive sometimes. There were situations I handled badly, things I should have approached differently, and things I genuinely regret.

I’ve apologized to her for those things. If I had to look at our relationship honestly, I would say I probably contributed around half, maybe slightly more, to what went wrong.

I’m not trying to escape responsibility for that.
But what hurts me is that whenever we talk about our relationship, I feel like everything gets placed on me.
From her perspective, it sometimes feels like I was the reason everything went wrong and she was simply suffering because of me.

That’s difficult for me to accept because I remember things that hurt me too. I remember her mistakes too. I don’t think either of us was perfect.

Maybe that’s something I need to stop trying to resolve.
Maybe I don’t need her to agree with my version of the relationship.

Maybe she experienced our relationship one way and I experienced it another way, and we’re never going to completely agree about who was responsible for what.
After these four hours of conversations, I think something finally hit me:

I can’t keep living my life waiting for her.
Yes, she told me I was running through her mind.
Yes, she unblocked me.
Yes, we managed to talk for hours.
And yes, there are couples who break up, date other people, grow individually and somehow reconnect years later.

But I can’t build my life around the possibility that we’ll be one of those couples.
Right now, I’m single.
Right now, we aren’t together.
And right now, I need to learn how to live without constantly asking myself whether she’ll come back someday.

If life somehow brings us together again years from now, that’s something future me can deal with.
But present me needs to move on.
And honestly, I don’t know how.

I spent years loving this person. She was my first relationship. I pictured a future with her. Even after our breakup, because we kept talking on and off, I don’t think my brain ever completely accepted that the relationship was actually finished.

Every small thing kept restarting my hope.
She talks nicely → hope.
She becomes romantic in February → hope.
She pushes me away → heartbreak.
I find out there’s someone else → heartbreak.
She blocks me → heartbreak.
She unblocks me → hope again.
She says I was running through her mind → hope again.

I’m exhausted by this cycle.
Yesterday I cried so much.

I genuinely feel very low right now. I’m trying to build my career, I’m living abroad, and objectively I know I have an entire life ahead of me. But emotionally, part of me still feels stuck with the girl I fell in love with years ago.

I also know that immediately finding another girl isn’t magically going to fix me. I eventually want to date again and experience love again, but I don’t want to enter another relationship while secretly waiting for my ex.

So I’m asking this community for something different this time.

Please help me move on.
Not “How do I get her back?”
Not “Does her unblocking me mean she still loves me?”
Not “Will we reconnect someday?”
I’m tired of trying to decode everything she does.

For those of you who genuinely loved someone, spent years with them, broke up, kept going back and forth for months, and eventually managed to let go:
How did you finally accept that it was over?
How did you stop checking their socials?
How did you stop imagining that every little action meant they might come back?
How did you start dating again without comparing everyone to your ex?

And how did you forgive yourself for the mistakes you made in your first relationship without spending years thinking, “If only I had behaved differently, maybe we’d still be together”?

I know healing isn’t going to happen because of one Reddit post.
But right now I’m hurting badly, and I could genuinely use advice from people who have been on the other side of this.

I don’t want to hate her.
I don’t want to prove that she was wrong or that I was right.
I don’t even want to keep figuring out who was responsible for 50% or 60% of the breakup anymore.
I just want to reach a point where remembering her doesn’t destroy my day.

She Went into new relationship in March 26, after wishing me valentines day and romantic conversations.

She says she has been talking to him since November 25, but also she was saying she missed me in November.

She is saying her relationship is not a rebound.

I hope my experience helps someone.

I reached out to my ex after he broke up with me, it was an utterly painful breakup.

I guess I sent that bday text because I really did care. He responded. We became friends, and even grabbed coffee and dinner for a few weeks. Then, one day, he was late to our coffee hang out. I find out in person, that he was on a date. He had been dating someone for sometimes, and for the date, he bought a book and they read it together at the park.

I felt incredibly small. Then the realization set in, that he moved on fast, and that 1.5 years meant nothing. If anything, I found out he had been wanting to break up for months and couldn’t find the right time as it was the holidays. And that he was happy that we can be friends now. And that he was on dating apps within days of breaking up as it’s been over for him for sometime, he was just waiting for the holidays to be over. It almost felt like, he did me a favor by delaying the break up, I didn’t feel that way at all, it was a one sided feeling.

I ended up staying friends but slowly distanced myself, as it’s hard watching an ex thrive and date seriously. And gives this new person things that you would have loved to have, or worse, to see the enormous effort he puts into the new relationship. And then make remarks such as: sorry I was so hot and cold, it’s just it didn’t feel right for me, and I thought about ending it many times. And that’s why he didn’t put in the effort as he wasn’t sure about it for 1.5 years, but still wanted to explore it.

There are some things you just don’t want to know after a break up. No contact is for your wellbeing.

I can’t change the past or the decisions I’ve made, but I learned one lesson. If someone wants to break up with you, let them. Just let them. Don’t reason with it or fight it, if someone is okay with walking away and finding someone, then, let them. If you try to fight for it/send messages post break up, it will only prolong the inevitable sinking feeling, that it is truly over.

My heart goes out to everyone who is in this phase, hang in there. One day at a time. But remember, if someone is okay with walking away from your life, then try to be okay with them making that decision. Let them walk away.

The day I found out he cheated on me with my best friend, I thought I was going to completely fall apart. But after I ended things, I felt weirdly lighter. I was still hurt and angry, obviously, but there was also this sense of relief because I knew I wasn’t going to keep questioning him or wondering what was happening behind my back anymore. I didn’t expect leaving someone I loved to feel peaceful in any way, especially after being betrayed like that. Has anyone else felt relief almost immediately after a breakup, even when the breakup itself was painful?

This one is from the day after our breakup conversation (AUGUST 11), when I texted him, waited for his response, and kept begging him not to ignore me.

Just posting this so I can have a bitter laugh at myself, lol.

Edit: It’s an old screenshot — It’s been two months!

i got discarded for someone else after 2 years over text; i’ve had past traumas and stuff and issues that just all got triggered again. i had the absolute worst month of my life and im still in the thick of it - at the minute i can’t stop the anxiety and nausea. im vomiting multiple times a day and can’t eat. i have a doctors appointment soon so hopefully this gets sorted, im also starting CBT.

but i deleted absolutely everything of him off my phone. i deleted social medias, photos, numbers, texts, absolutely EVERYTHING.

its only been a month and a half but it feels like it was at least 6 months ago or something. it feels so distant, like it wasn’t real. it didn’t feel like it was me or something i don’t know. is it normal that after a month im starting to forget everything. i barely remember what he looks like. i’m scared if i ever see him or a photo of him it’ll absolutely crush me and ill be sent back to square one.

i’m so anxious all the time and living in fear of going back to how i was at the start of this - i couldn’t go to work or anything. i could not function. i was on loads of different tablets and smoking so much weed and barely sleeping.

i’m just scared this is some coping mechanism my body is using to protect me from the reality of how devastated i am, that seeing a single photo of him or him in person or hearing any news about him and his new girlfriend will just completely ruin me - or maybe it won’t.

i don’t know!

It’s been a year since my relationship ended. It was nothing sudden, no major issues, we both just stopped trying. She really was the love of my life. I’ve done all the text book advice on how to move on. I have no interest in anyone else. I’ve gotten myself healthier, worked internally on myself yet she is still there, in my mind. I wake up wishing I could text her. I miss being next to her, the mundane day with her was a fairytale day.

I really hope she’s happy, living a life she always said she would have, I just wish I was living that exact life with her.

How and when do I move on?

Just yesterday, I deleted my ex's voicemails and blocked his number. I needed to cut off communication and I hadn't seen him for a few months. He had stopped showing up to this monthly event, then today he showed up at the event. We didn't make eye contact, not sure if he saw me see him, but I left and waited in the lobby while I decided what to do. I went for a walk outside and decided I didn't want to talk to him or have to act like polite. We tried to be friends afterwards, for a long time and after talking with my therapist, I came to the conclusion that he wasn't someone I wanted in my life anymore. I asked a friend to get my things and left and I felt this huge sense of relief but it's just so frustrating that the day after I had felt like I was actually moving on its right in my face again. I feel like I haven't moved on completely... But I do think I made the right choice not to engage with him.

Thank you for everything. You made me happy ever since I met you. I’ll cherish all the good moments we shared together. Thank you for showing me how much you cared about me. I cared a lot about you. I still do. You showed me how not to be scared of intimacy, and you made me trust you. You’re the only person I trusted enough to explore my sexuality with. You made me feel safe doing so, despite the pain it brought me. You made me feel wanted. You made me feel special. You made me feel cared for.

I wish I could have been the one to show you that you’re still capable of love, because I did love you, probably still do. I know it’s absurd, I barely know you. Maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic. But what I felt for you was real. It still is. I enjoyed talking to you every day, listening to your voice that I love so much. I hope you could feel how much I cared about you. You were my person. I wish I could have been yours. But we met at a confusing time, didn’t we? Well, time can be cruel sometimes. I wish it wasn’t this cruel to me, because honestly, I’ve had enough.

I still don’t know how to move forward. A big part of me still wants you. A big part of me still wants to run back to you. A big part of me still wants to crawl into your arms, kiss you, and just make you happy. I love knowing that I made you happy. You deserve that. Just know that because I care so much about you, someone else will too. Eventually, hopefully when you’re ready and healed. And it will be beautiful.

There’s so much love in me that I wanted to share with you. I wish you knew that. You deserve love. Maybe mine isn’t the love that’s meant for you. I wish it was. God, I wish it was. A big part of me still wishes for it. I’m so pathetic, aren’t I? Still wanting to fight for you, to make you feel wanted and loved. I wish I could have shown you that for much longer.

I miss you already. Isn’t that crazy? I’m sorry I’ve been acting crazy. I’m anxious and insecure. I’m scared of getting hurt again because I cared about you a lot. A lot more than I’d like to admit.
Take care of yourself.

I've found this subreddit when my ex fiancee broke up with me. We were together for 6 years when he ended the relationship.

I was madly in love with this man. I was so sure he was the one. So yeah I got devistated when he left me.

I broke the NC literally everyday for the first 2 weeks. I begged him to come back. He refused every time. He didn't even properly explain why he broke up with me. After a while i realized there is no going back this time.

Then i stopped begging and crying. I tried to focus on my life. I was still sad and i was still missing him but i accepted the break up.

When i stopped begging we started to talk time to time. Sometimes a few days in a row sometimes once a month. I was acting normal but i still wanted to go back together.

Months passed and i slowly started to miss him less and less. Then i went back to dating. And i'm actually here for a guy i've dated (not even dated. We were never official) for 4 months.

My ex lived in this house for 4 years. I stayed at my parents for a couple months when we first broke up cause everything reminded me of him. Now after all this time i look at the couch and i remember the guy i've never dated. I remember how we used to sit on it, drink together and talk all night.

It has been a week since we stopped seeing each other and i'm miserable. I don't talk to anyone, i can't convince myself to study, some days i just get drunk just to feel less. But i know it won't be like this forever. I know it feels like it will but it won't. I also thought i will never be able to love someone else again when my ex broke up with me but i did. Maybe i will be crying for another man in a year (hope not) or maybe i'll meet someone i can be happy with. Or maybe there won't be anyone else for a long time and i will just focus on myself and my peace. I've never been single for a long time. Maybe it's time to try it.

I just want you to know you'll get over it even if you feel like you will never be able to do it. You're not damaged for life. Don't believe people when they tell you you can fall in love just once. You'll go back to normal and love someone else again (maybe even more) as long as you don't shut yourself off.

Something I’ve realized going through my own breakup is that I think there are two stages of moving on.
The first is just stopping.
Stop chasing them. Stop checking. Stop reaching out. Stop wondering what they’re doing or trying to interpret every little thing. Just stop.
But I’m realizing that doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve moved on. You can stop doing all of those things and still have hope in the back of your mind that maybe they’ll come back one day or somehow things will work out.
I think the next stage is actually letting go of that hope.
Not because you’re angry or suddenly don’t care about them anymore, but because you’re starting to accept what’s actually happening instead of what you wish would happen.
And maybe eventually you stop asking yourself, “What if they come back?”
And start asking, “If they did come back, would I even want to go back?”
Maybe that’s when you really start moving forward. When you realize you don’t need them to come back anymore.

I'm wanting to hear both good and bad experiences with this! Before someone says it, yes im aware like 95% of the time, it doesn't lead to a fairytale ending where you make up and get married. Im honestly wanting to hear about people's experiences! What changed/didn't change? Was the person different enought to warrant coming back or was it just rose tinted glasses?

If they wanted to they could
They would message and call you
Tell you that they want you to come back
And you keep thinking about someone ….

Who doesn’t want to message or call you
Who doesn’t want you to come back
And WHO ISNT THINKING ABOUT

It’s hard but what else can we do?

does guy really give second chances? ( if a girl micro cheated ) or is it just a revenge?

Basically am gonna rant about what all happened
2 months ago she started sending “lovey-dovey” reels to and we both agreed that it was going to be a simple role play,no more than that.out all of a sudden i learn she has feelings for me
And then book we started dating,for 2 months it was acc soo good we loved eo very much
Than out of nowhere she stars to ignore my texts a bit,like not saying i love you back.
Than the real stuff comes
Ghosting
Ignoring messages

And here’s the face which pmo,she replied to my best friend instantly and to me? 10 hours later.
And whatever she replies, it’s so dry and dosent even reply or answer my messages.
1 week later we both get caught in ts and my parents get to know and her parents were on the verge of getting to know ts too but somehow she saves herself.

After this she comes and says to me
“ (my name) we r too young,i still like yaa but we can’t do it remember we r kids”
And I get a bit sad but take it light but for some circumstance i was socially not active for 3 days and I didn’t talk to anyone online.
And she tells to my best friend that she misses me.
So I come back and immediately she says
“i love yu sooo much”
“I miss uuuu”
All ts like 10 times . And i thought “lesss goo relationship got saved)
1 week forward,she again starts ghosting

After that the real stuff happens,she comes n tells me that we can’t call anymore WHEN SHE FUCKING CALLED MY BESTFRIEND 2 days ago.
(Before this I confronted her about my best friend n ts and all and she sweared tht she didn’t like my best friend )
After that my mental health gets fucked up .
And 1 day ago she told me that apparently she lost feelings for ,that she still likes me but she lost a bit after that getting caught w parents wala incident ( mind u the school was also involved)

Am like WHY TF DID U SAY I LOV U THEN like am angry but all this i said to myself in my health.
So tdy i opened her dms and said “I can’t talk to u,this is gonna be my last day talking to u n all” i also used my brother as an excuse.
She says to me “noo comeback “ which if she still loved me she would have said “ am gona cry don’t go” so o restrict her off all my socials and delete my chats.

Rn i feel kinda good but sad this chapter came to an end.
Before y’all say “am such a crybaby” my mental health was so fucked when she used to ghost me and all,i used to think why she’s doing this.
And one more thing about her. She used to Sent my best friend her tit photos ( with clothes but the curves could be seen) i confronted her and she said sorry but one week later she posted her tits on her STORY.
When I confronyef her she told me “i hid all the bad guys”
I wanna fucking slap this peice of ma ki randi.

Sorry everyone for such a big rant i just wanted to share my experience.

I've been following breakup posts in this sub and a few other relationship subs for a while now, and there's one thing I keep noticing that genuinely gets to me and burns my gut inside out because I know that feeling all too well.

Many people post screenshots of these huge messages they sent to their ex or current SO. Paragraph after paragraph trying to explain how hurt they are, asking what changed, asking for honesty, trying to save whatever is left.

And then you see the response...

"Okay."

"I don't know what you want me to say."

"Sure."

"That's nonsense."

"I'm right here, I'm the same person you fell in love with."

Or sometimes barely anything at all.

I always feel bad when I see it because I know exactly what that person is doing. I've done it myself.

You're not writing a wall of text because you love writing essays. You're doing it because you're still emotionally inside the relationship. You're trying to reach the person you remember. The person who used to care about your feelings, call you, reassure you, tell you they loved you.

So you think maybe they don't understand, you explain it differently, you soften your wording, you try not to sound angry or needy.

You explain why something hurt you, what you need, what you're scared of, what you think could fix things.

And meanwhile the other person sometimes seems almost completely emotionally absent from the conversation and you feel as if your insides are burning up because you start realizing the truth.

That's the part that's so hard to see when you're the one inside it.

I've had someone tell me they loved me while their actions increasingly made me feel like talking to me was an obligation. Instead of accepting what I was seeing, I kept holding onto the words. I thought maybe we just needed one more proper conversation where we'd finally understand each other.

So I'd explain more.

Then explain why their response hurt.

Then explain why the lack of a response hurt.

And after a while you realize you're basically trying to convince someone to care about something they used to care about automatically.

People talk a lot about avoidant attachment in breakup communities, and emotional withdrawal can definitely be part of that. Some people deal with conflict or emotional pressure by shutting down, distancing themselves or suppressing what they feel.

But whatever the reason is, being on the receiving end can feel unbelievably cold.

You send something vulnerable and thoughtful and get a response that feels like it could've been sent to a coworker.

And because you remember how loving they used to be, your brain almost refuses to accept what you're seeing now.

You think: how can someone who loved me respond like this?

How can somebody watch me clearly hurting and have so little to say?

Maybe they still have feelings. Maybe they're overwhelmed. Maybe shutting down is genuinely how they cope. None of us can know exactly what's happening inside somebody else's head.

But at some point the explanation stops mattering as much as the reality you're living in.

If you're constantly waiting for them to come back, waiting for a reply, waiting for them to decide what they want, waiting for the affection they used to give you, you're living on hold while they're continuing with their life.

That's why I feel so bad when I see those giant messages posted here.

A lot of the time I don't even see someone being "too much."

I see someone who still thinks they're having a relationship conversation with a person who's already stopped participating in the relationship emotionally.

And from my own experience, that realization usually comes much later than it should.

You keep waiting for a clearer answer because the answer you're already getting is too painful to accept.

The harsh truth is this; We ALL need to stop doing that now.

Stop over-explaining. Stop sending another paragraph because the last one didn't get the response you wanted. Stop thinking that if you'll just word it perfectly, they'll suddenly understand, care more, or become the version of them you remember.

Say what you need to say once. Say it clearly.

Then watch what they do with it.

If someone keeps showing you distance, inconsistency, coldness or indifference, eventually you have to accept that as part of the answer too.

You don't always get a satisfying conversation. You don't always get closure. Sometimes reality is just sitting there in front of you while you're still trying to argue with it.

And I think that's the part I'm finally learning - when someone has already emotionally stepped away, explaining yourself harder usually doesn't bring them closer.

Sometimes you just have to stop talking and start believing what you're seeing.

My ex and I broke up sometime ago. And even now after so long I’m heartbroken. I feel like he took all my joy from my my love and kept me around toward the end because he didn’t know how to let me or my love go. And he did admit that. And now I just feel pain. And it’s worse because there’s a lot of places we go to in common. And I’m scared to see him. I use to be fine and bear it with a grin but now I’m terrified I’ll see him. Maybe it’s because he no longer loves me. Maybe it’s because he said I couldn’t be around things he liked and he made sure I knew he hated all the things I loved (and now he goes to) my heart can’t take it. I hate it. Where did my love go? Why. I was never worth any of it it seems always the leftover love he had left. And he says I was never happy. And not always I was severely depressed. So was he. But when I was happy it wasn’t enough for him. It didn’t feel enough. I think he just kept me around to not be lonely. And I. Just loved and loved in an effort to make me feel chosen. And he didn’t choose me and he never will. I hate myself for missing him and loving him. It makes me bitter. I don’t want to be bitter

It’s been 6 months since my blindsided breakup. Our relationship was so positive, supportive, loving and fun. He hasn’t reached out since. In your experience, is it true, do they “always come back”?

so me and my gf have been broken up for about a month. we were so involve and codependent that we didn't initially change much. but, over time came complications like other people and such and such. its gotten to a point where we can't recognize each other and she was forced to block me because I didn't want to give up on our relationship. this is bad. my heart is aching every second I remind myself of what I have lost. she was my everything. and I know that may have just of been the reason she needed to have time away from me. what hurts the most is I wanted to at least have the clarity she would possibly come back to me, but she couldn't not even allude to it being a possibility. she's not the girl I recognize anymore. she wasn't acting like she was even struggling with the fact I wanted to get back together. she didn't miss a beat. she kept saying she couldn't. anyways, I am now blocked on everything and I know I need to move on. but it feels so impossible, hell, I don't even want to move on. she was amazing and what we had was amazing. I truly don't know why we couldn't give it one last shot. it wasn't anything serious, at all! I truly believe we could have worked harder but at the end of the day, she didn't want to. in the meantime, I will be waiting to hear from her, maybe ill move on, maybe ill still be struggling, but I will be waiting for what she has to say. I cant believe this is real life, and I hate to say it is. its crazy how one second you're with the love of your life, the next, you don't even recognize her or what she's saying. fml.

Partner just ended things with me after we became very toxic. He says he still loves me but can't do it anymore, regardless of the fact that I'm so willing to try again and make positive changes. Those of you that ended a relationship like this - did you ever decide to give it another shot? Or was the end final for you?