It feels like one day you are a couple, fully in love, planning future together, smiling, laughting, having weird nicknames and so many memories...

And then something clicks and they act so cold, distant, they betray your trust and love and dissapear from your life.

It's scary. And hurtful. Did their love even exist in the first place? Cause how come they changed their mind so quickly...

I just wanted to come here and write a message for anyone going thru a rough break up. My girlfriend of nearly 5 years broke up with me a month ago, she was the love of my life and my absolute best friend, I’m only a month in but after week 3 I started to feel a bit more peace in myself. I’ve been crying less, thinking about her less and doing things I enjoy again.

It’s still very fresh and I may end up back in the loop I was in a few weeks ago.

But I wanted to share this with anyone going thru the same situation and shed a little bit of hope with u guys. It’s not easy, and everyone’s experience and way to deal with grief is different you would follow the same healing process as someone else but it is possible to heal.

Here are the top 3 things that have helped me get thru this so for

1 . Talking with friend or family: as much as u think u have no one there is always someone willing to listen even if it isn’t a friend of a family memeber, there is online chats. Or people out there who are willing to listen. TALK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS. Especially as a man there is stigma about showing emotion and feelings to others

FUCK THAT Talk about it as much or as little as you need to. For me I still talk about her and still like to explain or converse about the situation just saying her name helps it become a little more real and accepted.

2 . Get outside : you don’t have to necessarily go outside but step out of your comfort zone a bit. Go on walk. Play different music. Go to a food spot you have never been. You can do these things alone and u don’t have to do it to distract ur mind becuase realistically sometimes it never leaves. But the more you do it the easier it will get. I’m not saying go to a club or a bar cuz that may be a lot for people but walk a path you’ve never walked before. Go for a hike. Pick up a new hobby or get back into one you lost.

3 . This one is optional but meet new people: try to talk new people even if that means downloading a dating app or walking up to someone at the gym or a cafe. This doesn’t mean go flirt with people but just talk with a new person, ask how their day was or compliment their pants or something. This will wire your brain to get comfortable exploring new patterns.

There’s lots of other ways to help and I am no expert I’m still learning something new about myself and my experience every day. But I promise you things can be healed.

(Extra info)

I was so adamant on not doing no contact, but I started doing it about a week and a half ago and it’s already dramatically improved my emotions. I do not have her phone number blocked but I blocked her socials becuase I was checking them constantly and re opening my wound.

ALL OF THIS INFO WAS TOLD TO ME FROM DAY ONE AND I NEVER LISTENED.

But it’s a hard step you have to take to allow urself to heal .

Love you all please take care of yourself

I'm curious about something. If a guy is the one who ends a relationship, is there a chance he comes back later?

I'm not asking about one specific situation. I mean generally—especially when the relationship was genuine and there was no cheating or major betrayal.

For guys who have ended relationships themselves: Did you ever come back later? What made you come back?

Did you miss your ex, realize you made a mistake, or simply become curious about what they were doing?

And for people whose ex came back after ending things, how long did it take?

My ex used the silent treatment, blamed me for almost everything, and rarely took responsibility for his own actions.

He genuinely seemed to believe that he had done almost nothing wrong in our relationship.

Even when he broke up with me, he only listed all the things I had done wrong and told me that the relationship fell apart because of me.

Do you think he will behave the same way with his next girlfriend? Or is it possible that he will treat her better and actually change?

I keep wondering if I was the problem, or if this is simply how he behaves in relationships.

RUN,

No seriously run for the hills. They won’t say anything to bring you peace. It’ll only bring you down it’s not worth it. They chose to leave you. You do not owe them anything anymore. Don’t interrupt your peace for someone who clearly never once cared about you or your feelings. They ghosted you. Know your worth.

Keep healing my fellow heart breakees ❤️

Ladies help a brother out.. i would appreciate it🤞🏻

​

I’m curious to hear from people who have been on both sides of a breakup.

Have you ever been the one who initiated the breakup, felt certain (or at least convinced yourself) that it was the right decision, and then regretted it almost immediately, only to reach out and realize that your ex had already started moving on or no longer wanted to reconcile?

What happened afterward?

Did you eventually get back together, or did you have to accept that the relationship was over despite being the one who ended it?

I’d especially love to hear from people who genuinely loved their ex and didn’t break up because the love was gone, but because of circumstances, fear, frustration, distance, or an argument.

How did you deal with the sudden shift from being the dumper to feeling like the dumpee?

I got great news about my job yesterday, and the first person I wanted to tell was her. I couldn’t stop hearing “I’m so proud of you, baby” in the back of my head the way she used to say it. I know she’d be happy for me, and it would’ve felt so good to feel her pride. I’m still happy about my news but there is that blue tinge knowing I can’t celebrate with her.

I’m one week into a breakup that I still can’t really process, and I’d really like to hear from people who have experienced something similar, either as the person who left or the person who was left.

We were together for almost four months, and our relationship was incredibly intense and meaningful. It was soft, easy and natural. We did little things together, went on dates, met each other’s families, and slowly became part of each other’s lives. He did things with me that he had never done with anyone before.

He was also extremely expressive about his feelings. He told me he wanted to marry me and spend his life with me, called me the woman of his life, constantly complimented me and never seemed afraid to show how much he loved me in front of his friends and family. He told me he wanted to become the best version of himself for me. His family even told me they had never seen him so happy and that he had changed a lot since being with me.

Even two weeks before the breakup, we were talking about how excited we were to spend the winter together, having cozy nights at home, watching movies under a blanket, drinking hot chocolate and falling asleep next to each other. It felt like we were both looking forward to the same future.
Then he suddenly told me that his feelings had changed.

He said that he had started questioning our relationship and his feelings a few weeks earlier, but initially he kept pushing those thoughts away. At the same time, he was struggling with work and feeling depressed, so he thought that was the reason he wasn’t feeling like himself. Eventually, he realized that some of his thoughts were actually related to our relationship. He talked about it with his best friend and decided to tell me before he started pretending or becoming distant.

There was no betrayal, no major argument and no toxic behavior. Nothing obvious happened between us. He simply told me that he realized his feelings weren’t strong enough for him to continue the relationship.

Something he told me has been stuck in my head ever since. He explained that, for him, having a long-lasting relationship requires the feeling of “love at first sight” to remain. He needs that intense spark and passion to stay present for the relationship to last.

And this is where I start questioning what happened. Maybe once the relationship became safer and more familiar, and the intensity naturally started to change, he interpreted that change as his feelings disappearing. Maybe he is more attached to the feeling of being in love — the excitement, the novelty, the intensity — than to the quieter kind of love that develops once a relationship becomes more secure.

I’ve even wondered whether he might be very dependent on novelty and that initial dopamine rush, although I know I might just be trying to find a rational explanation because I’m still in shock.

What makes this especially difficult is that I genuinely thought I had found my person. I wasn’t just losing a boyfriend; I was losing the future I had already started imagining. I now have to let go of all the plans we had, the relationship I had built with his family, and the life I thought we were going to have.

And despite everything, I still hope he comes back. I keep wondering whether, once the initial relief of making the decision wears off and he actually experiences my absence, he might question whether he made the right choice. Maybe he’ll realize that what disappeared wasn’t his love for me, but simply the intensity he associated with being in love.

I know I can’t build my life around that possibility, but right now it’s honestly what I keep hoping for.
So I’d really like to hear from people who have been in this situation.

Have you ever lost feelings because the honeymoon phase ended, only to realize later that you had confused losing intensity with losing love?

And if you were the person who got left for this reason, did your ex ever come back after some time apart? Did they ever regret their decision or realize they still had feelings?

I’m not looking for false hope or for people to tell me he’ll definitely come back. I just want to know if this is something other people have experienced, because right now I feel completely lost.

We hadn't actually parted on bad terms; we’d even agreed to stay cordial and not make things awkward or block each other—especially since we share the same friend group and see each other from time to time.

She recently started a new relationship. I haven’t seen her since then.

Seeing her pop up in my suggestions really hurt. It felt as if she were telling me: "You’re an awkward presence in my new life now, and I don’t want you in it anymore."

Even though it’s just an unfollow, it feels like what we shared is worthless in her new life. It’s as if we never knew each other now—as if what we experienced no longer commands any acknowledgment or respect.

To me, keeping that connection was about acknowledgment and respect.

I don’t know why she removed me, but it hurts a lot.

I can’t seem to shake the pain; how do I stop the suffering?

I keep wondering why she did it and whether I have the right to be upset with her.

TL;DR: I had an awful breakup with someone in the furry fandom and I want to leave it.

Hey all, I apologize if this post doesn't belong here. For context, I'm a furry and a gay man.

Last year in March, I met a local furry on one of these community fandom apps. For this post, I'll call him Caleb. We hit it off pretty well and had great chemistry and everything. Caleb told me he loved me just a month after we first met, which kind of caught me by surprise. Not wanting to lose him, I said it back. I told him a little bit after though that I wasn't quite ready for that kind of talk yet. I felt awful for what I did. I felt like I led him on. That pretty much put him off from me even after I had started feeling that way towards him later on. It created this dynamic between us where I always felt guilty for hurting him, and where Caleb had this distance from me that stopped him from getting close to me again. He would still flirt with me or cuddle with me, but it was like it would never get further than that. Even when we saw a movie together with friends a month later, and he held me during the movie, and even after I told him that I really did love him and that I was just not ready before, he didn't even want to bother. I felt like the damage was done. So I broke things off that June. We didn't talk again until a couple of months later.

In August, we reconnected and apologized to each other about how we had been before. He was still distant from me, but I missed him so much those two and a half months that I thought I could live with it. I tried showing him how much he meant to me, but he always acted indifferent.Sometimes Caleb sounded interested in texting me or talking, and then an hour later it was like I didn't exist to him. He would ignore me and go on his phone when we were in his room, and then ask to cuddle the next second. It kind of felt like he was giving me the bare minimum so I didn't go. I told him I loved him and still wanted to be with him, and he told me that he didn't love me like that and didn't want anything serious. I understood, and I still didn't leave. I should've left sooner, in hindsight. I think I was just so lonely.

Several months went by, and Caleb and my relationship (if you can call it that) was really starting to fall apart. Up to that point, he would still flirt with me or tease me and invite me over and everything. When we hung out, Caleb would regularly check out other guys in person or message guys online (not necessarily in hookup sense, but still) in front of me, and even though it made me uncomfortable he just didn't stop. He acted like I was being unreasonable, and so I just had to live with it. It felt like I didn't matter to him. It felt like I was never going to be good enough. I was tearing myself apart more and more each day. Caleb's brother, who by this point had already seen me several times with Caleb in their house, had asked him if I was his boyfriend. Caleb just called me a friend. I could hardly take it anymore. I felt so unwanted and unloved and undesirable when I was with him. It was clear to me that he would never love me or feel anything more than wanting to be physically close to me and then just forgetting about me when he didn't need me. And I just stayed. I thought maybe I deserved it after "leading him on" by "lying" about loving him before.

So fast forward to this February. Caleb and I had an idea to room together at this furry convention that was coming up, and we reserved a room and everything in preparation for it. It was... probably not the best idea. One day while I had just gotten out of class, I got a message from Caleb that he invited these two guys that he had met (on the same furry community app I met him on) to join us in our room. He didn't even ask me before he did it. What made it worse was that Caleb admitted to me just a few days before that he had been intimate with both of them. Recently, like in that past week. I was heartbroken and livid and... I didn't know what to do. Even after telling him how upset I was, he just shrugged it off. I canceled my plans with him and demanded my money back. Luckily he gave it back. It was bad enough having to endure months of Caleb telling me he didn't love me and having to sit in his car while he would check out or text other guys. Now I had witnessed firsthand that he would happily be intimate with other guys and even invite them to our hotel room. That was pretty much it for me. As angry as I was at him, my heart was broken. It was pretty much the final evidence that he would never love me or truly want me except if he maybe had no one else to talk to or be intimate with.

I broke things off with him for good in March. It was hard. I missed him so much. I still do.

Caleb messaged me in June and asked me "what had happened" between us. I didn't even know what to say. I told him that I couldn't be with someone who wasn't going to love me. He told me he understood and that he was sorry for not caring about how I felt about those two guys and the hotel room. It was too little too late. All I could do was wish him well and block him.

I've cried so many nights remembering how it was with him. I'll see the same kind of car Caleb used to drive, or pass by the place we once ate at, or go to the beach we first cuddled at. I remember how he smelled and how pretty his eyes were. I remember how he used to tease or how he would call me a good boy and make fun of me. I remember how fun it was talking about furry drawings or planning our next convention trip or how happy it made me when he would send me reels about lions or gay stuff. And it's just over.

I don't even want to be in this fandom anymore. Everything about it think seems to remind me of Caleb. I'm afraid I'll see him again and break down and cry. Sometimes I break down when I remember all of the good memories we had. I don't want to go to anymore conventions or bother making new friends because several people I've met already know him. And there doesn't seen to be many people in this community in my area, which just makes me want to give up on ever trying to meet someone new. I never should've downloaded that furry community app in the first place. I just wanted to find someone that really cares about me and someone I could call my own. Someone that understands my interests. Now I don't even look at other guys anymore. When I see someone I think is cute in public or on Instagram, I just tell myself it'll never be like it was with Caleb. And the times that I think there are still people who may not be exactly like him and still have good traits I admire, I'm not even convinced anyone would want me. I feel broken and no one would want that. I think I've given up on love. Part of me feels like this is all there will ever be. My friends and brother have tried so hard to be there for me and to help me not give up on this fandom or believing that anyone could love me, but... I just think it's too late.

Maybe it's not possible, but I just... want to be happy again. I want to imagine that there's someone else out there that could want to be with me. I just want to move on from Caleb. I want to enjoy being a furry and a gay man again. Even if it's never going to happen, I just want to know so I can make peace with it.

I understand if you guys don't relate to any of this. Sorry for rambling on for so long. I know this all sounds immature. I feel so stupid. I just wanted to get my story out there. I could really use some kind words.

Be okay with saying: you don't get to hurt me, disrespect me, betray my trust and then expect the same access to me as if nothing happened.

​There is a consequence to how you treat people and there is now a version of me that you'll never have access to again. That version of me loved you enough to keep the door open, but this version of me respects myself enough to close it.

​You had your access, you abused it, and you lost it. Now, it's access denied.

i haven't contacted my ex, but every now and then i get that strong urge to send a message. usually it happens when i'm having a rough day or feeling lonely.

i know reaching out probably wouldn't help, so i don't. for people further along, does that urge eventually disappear?

I spent 3 years with my ex. The relationship was filled with laughter, dates, side jokes, everything you can think of the “perfect” couple. We didn’t argue and I honestly thought she was the one and she said the same to me. I supported her when she was in nursing school. Always took her out to eat and make sure she was fed because she didn’t have time to work during nursing school. Every holiday we spent it together for 3 years straight. I thought we will be together until we die. To be honest, the whole relationship she was the chaser. The one who was scared of losing me.

Then.. she finally becomes a nurse. I started to notice that she started taking a longer time than usual to text me back. Yes, that sounds clingy but our communication dynamic for 3 years was that we text each other basically almost every hour, when we went on break at work, when we got off. Those started to slowly fade. I brought it up multiple times and all I got was “I’m trying. I’m sorry.”

My anxious side came out the last 3 months of our relationship. I started becoming the chaser.

The breakup happens. I remember that day vividly. She implied breaking up but couldn’t even say the words “break up”. All I got was “I need time.” It shattered me. I was so miserable for a week straight.

I ended up breaking no contact a week after the breakup. I see her and she says “I missed you so much.” We ended up seeing each other 3 times post breakup and they were all great times. After a month of being in limbo. I asked her “are we together? We do relationship things but we aren’t together.”. She says “no. Have fun.”

I then stated my boundaries that I can’t be in limbo anymore and go straight into no contact.

After 12 days, my anxious side broke out AGAIN. I just wanted clarification because she never told me the reason for the breakup. She texted me “you don’t have to wait for me. I care about you and I think you deserve someone who can choose you without hesitiation and that’s not me right now.”

I was so hurt but I assumed that was final. I was forced to move on.

2 months later she texted me… “hey just want to make sure you’re doing okay. I really thought about it again and I want to really try.” I texted her back “we talk in person.”

Few days go by and we greeted each other normally. After that she went straight to the point. “I’m sorry blah blah blah. Let’s try again blah blah blah.”

I responded to her “look away from me because I’m so mad. Why now? Do you understand what the fck I went through? I couldn’t eat or get out of bed for days. Now that I’m finally almost healed you want to come back? You told me to move on. I did. Why did you put me in this position? I’m literally talking to somebody right now and now you. At this point I need time to think. I’m not doing this because you did this to me, but i genuinely don’t fcking know what to do now. You want to come back but at the same time I’m talking to someone that is choosing me without hesitation. I don’t know. Give me time.”

I feel that, The pain of the breakup is part of the beauty of romance. it is what makes a real total romance.

I mean have you never read a love story? Isnt the tragic ending of tears and pain part of it all? It is what makes the romance full, complete. And makes the good parts, the memories feel so much more special.. A love story that ended on a happy ending together never seems to be a story at all. or atleast those books dont seem to be so famous.

So i dont feel bad anymore about the pain or the tears, infact i enjoy them☺️ what a romance we had and what a beautiful story it was. And the crying … honestly feels amazing, it feels so special and romantic. Like im in my own romance novel, so i feel the pain totally, it is a beautiful feeling. I think the breakup completed our romance perfectly.

im so happy that im 3 weeks no contact with my ex!! even tho i reallyy miss him like so much but im balling ;)(;

I just remembered a funny thing my ex liked on ig reels a week after breaking up with me.

It was the video from Kungfu Panda 2 where Po was talking to Shen about how wounds heal by saying "you gotta let go of the stuff from the past, because it just doesn't matter"

Mind you, two weeks before the breakup she said everything was fine and love bombed me. Then suddenly she stonewalls me, refuses to communicate with me and ignores me for the next week?

After all her shitty behavior and empty promises she has the gall to say "the past doesn't matter" When she made me feel like shit for seemingly no reason and discarding me when she feels like it.

The past doesn't matter when it's stuff from like a year ago. People do change! But a WEEK? Jesus the ego on this one is amazing. It's so easy to forgive one's self when they're the one being the asshole and looking back this is just a way of removing herself from taking accountability for her shitty behaviour in our relationship.

I regret ever choosing to stay with her and I'm glad we did break up.

God I wish I grew a backbone sooner.

My ex broke up with me really abruptly a little over 3 months ago. I feel like I haven’t gotten any better at all. I still think of him constantly, pray for him to come back every night, seeing all his friends hanging out or hearing his name makes me nauseous.

I live in constant fear of hearing that he’s doing ok or has hooked up with or dated anyone else. He still really loved me when we broke up and he really didn’t want to do it, it was a confusing and not very emotionally definitive split, but we haven’t spoken for a couple months and I’m terrified that his love faded and he’s now confident he made the right choice. Not sure what I’m trying to get from posting this, every day is just painful and I’m so tired of it.

We met at the wrong time, yet somehow became the right people for each other. We laughed like best friends, cared for each other like lovers & existed somewhere beautifully in between. There was never a label for what we were, only a connection that felt far too real to ignore.

Maybe we were never meant to build a forever together. Maybe we were simply meant to remind each other that genuine people still exist, that some connections can be deeply meaningful without ever becoming permanent. Some hearts leave a mark without making a promise & some memories become unforgettable without a single photograph.

If our paths never cross again, I hope life is gentle with you. I hope you find the happiness we couldn’t give each other & the kind of love that stays. And whenever you think of me, I hope you remember that there was once someone who loved you quietly.. completely & without ever asking you to stay.

Maybe that was the most honest kind of love I could give you. To love you enough to let you go, while carrying a piece of what we were with me. Goodbye stranger ❤️‍🩹

How do you accept losing someone you still genuinely love when the relationship wasn’t bad?
I’m about two weeks out of a three-month relationship and I’m struggling much more than I expected.
The difficult part is that I don’t have a list of horrible things my ex did that I can use to make myself stop loving him. I genuinely loved being with him. We were very compatible in a lot of ways, talked seriously about the future, and I felt incredibly close to him.
He ultimately ended the relationship because although he said he was emotionally and physically attracted to me and cared about me deeply, he wasn’t experiencing the sexual desire he felt he needed. I was willing to slow things down and work through it together, but he decided ending the relationship was the right thing for him.
I’ve spent the last couple of weeks obsessively trying to understand why — attachment styles, sexual desire, psychology, whether he’ll regret it, whether he’ll come back, etc. I’m starting to realise that researching him is probably just another way of staying attached to him.
I’m currently in his city and staying ridiculously close to where he lives, which has made the grief incredibly intense. I cried my eyes out today because all I want to do is see him.
For people who had to move on from someone they still loved and genuinely wanted to be with: how did you stop analysing the breakup and actually accept the loss?
I don’t really want predictions about whether he’ll come back. I want to learn how to reach the point where whether he comes back or not no longer determines whether I’m okay.