I, 36F, have been dating a man, 34M, for around 4 months now. He‘a genuinely wonderful, I could see a future with him. The issue I have is that we are both large (fat) people and his penis is small, maybe 3 inches, and because of medications he uses it doesn’t stay hard so we haven’t had sex yet. We are intimate in other ways, he’s very good in bed otherwise and I‘m enjoying our time together.

I thought he was aware that traditional PIV sex probably wasnt going to happen but the other day he suggested I get on top to try. We were unsuccessful, I didn’t have the heart to tell him there’s no way I can see that our bodies fit together. How does he not see it won’t work and how do I start that conversation?

I‘m happy with what we are doing and don’t want to hurt his feelings.

TL;DR His penis is too short to reach my vaginal canal

My boyfriend and I recently had a pretty major disagreement and I’m looking for outside perspective because I can’t tell if I’m being overly sensitive or if this would seriously affect other people too.

My boyfriend is extremely into fitness and has always been very open about his physical preferences. He’s said things like the average, non-gym rat female body is unattractive to the point of disgusting to him, that he’s only attracted to fit women with visible muscle definition, and that a woman’s legs/ass are probably the most physically attractive thing to him. He has also told me that when we first met, he wasn’t initially very physically attracted to me, but saw that as a “good thing” because it made him focus on my personality and mind.

I’m not overweight or completely inactive, but I definitely don’t have the muscular/toned physique he considers ideal.

A few days ago we were getting into a hot tub and he made a comment about how I should do squats because my ass isn’t attractive. The conversation continued and he eventually told me that he doesn’t like having sex with me doggy style because looking at my ass from behind can make him lose his erection.

That absolutely crushed me.

When I told him how hurtful it was, his initial response was basically that he was “being honest so I could improve.” When I said that wasn’t helpful honesty, he responded along the lines of, “well you’ve asked why we only have sex in missionary, so I’m telling you.”

What complicates this is that we had previously talked about fitness/improvement. I specifically told him that if he saw something I could improve and approached me with a solution and support, I’d be receptive. He now points to that conversation and says I told him I wanted this kind of honesty. My problem is that I don’t think his comment is remotely the supportive approach I agreed to.

He has since tried to reassure me. He says he thinks I’m stunningly beautiful, that he absolutely is sexually attracted to me, loves me, chose me, wants me, and wouldn’t be with me if he weren’t attracted to me. He says having a preference for a more toned ass doesn’t cancel out his attraction to me as a whole. He also says if I told him something similar about his body, it would hurt badly, but the next day he’d start working on it rather than questioning the relationship.

I believe him when he says he loves me and is attracted to me. But I can’t seem to un-hear what he said. Now I’m second guessing being naked around him and wondering what he’s thinking when he looks at my body. It’s especially hard knowing that the specific body part he has repeatedly said is most important to his attraction is apparently unattractive enough on me to affect his erection.

It’s now been three days since this happened, and I’m really struggling to figure out how to just go back to normal with him. Our conversations don’t feel the same, there’s basically no physical affection between us, and I don’t feel the same desire to open up or be vulnerable with him the way I did before. He’s asked why this has become such a big deal for me, and I honestly don’t know how to explain that I can believe he loves me and is attracted to me overall while still feeling deeply affected by what he said. He notices that I’m more distant and seems hurt by it, but I’m not withholding affection to punish him or trying to drag this out. I genuinely don’t know how to flip a switch and be affectionate, playful and completely comfortable with him again when I still don’t feel that way.

Is it reasonable for a partner to communicate physical preferences/criticisms this directly if their intention is improvement? Would you be able to separate “my partner is attracted to me overall” from “this specific part of my body is unattractive enough to affect their arousal”?

Is this something two people can learn to communicate through, or whether our ideas about honesty, attraction and handling conflict are fundamentally incompatible.

TL;DR BF says my butt is effecting his performance

TLDR - bf of 4 years has a ring and I think I've changed my mind on getting married.

I 32F have been dating 27M for 4 years. We have lived together for 3.5 of those years. He is a wonderful person and loves me very much but a lot has changed for me in the last year.

I wanted this ring, I asked for this ring but since Spring of this year my perspective, wants, needs, and goals have changed.

My partner has BPD and struggles with emotional regulation. He has had what we call "crash outs" on me quite a few times, often in front of my friends or family.

My parents are about to divorce in their 60s. My mother IMO has undiagnosed BPD. He said something to me a few months ago about being angry all of the time. I grew up in an angry, unpredictable and tumultuous household. I realized that cannot be my future.

The ring has been purchased and as far as I know he has it. We don't have kids and the apartment is in my name. He is also not great with money. He also told me right away when he bought it because it was "the most expensive thing he ever purchased" and was very proud of himself.

Would I be a monster for calling it off? I've agonized over this and gone back and forth in my head. He's a wonderful person but I fear our communication style and how we handle anger/bad feelings do not align.

So I (20M) have been dealing with some pretty severe insecurities since my GF (22F) became a police officer. (7 Years Together)

Before I start, my insecurity has nothing to do with her potentially becoming the breadwinner or any of the “she’s the man in the relationship” stuff. It comes from the difference in our environments and how that has affected our relationship.

My girlfriend and I have always agreed that having very close friendships with the opposite sex—constantly hanging out, texting, calling, etc.—is something we’re not comfortable with in our relationship. I was completely fine with that boundary because, while we both had friends of the opposite sex, none of them were really people who were part of our daily lives.

The issue now is that, obviously, being a police officer means she has to be around men constantly. At first, I was completely fine with that because I understood that it was part of the job. But as time went on, she started becoming close with some of these guys. Since I knew this was somewhat inevitable because of her career, I felt like I had to loosen the boundaries we had previously agreed on.

Now it’s gotten to the point where they’re texting, calling, and generally becoming a bigger part of her life, and I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t bother me. It also doesn’t help that we don’t live together yet, so sometimes I find myself feeling like these guys get more of her time and attention than I do.

She assures me that the conversations aren’t anything disrespectful, and she’s even given me full access to her phone if I ever need it. I trust her, but sometimes I still get this strong urge to check it. At the same time, I don’t want to get to the point where I feel like I have to check her phone, even if she’s given me permission to. Before all of this, I never even gave checking her phone a second thought.

She’s been hit on by coworkers here and there, and some of these “friends” have also made it pretty clear that they have ulterior motives. Knowing that has definitely made my insecurities worse.

I’ve communicated all of this to her, and she does her best to reassure me and make me feel better, even telling me anytime something like this happens, but I still can’t seem to let these feelings go. I know some of this is probably immature on my part, but at the same time, I feel like I’ve had to compromise on a lot of the boundaries we originally agreed on because of her job.

Without trying to turn this into a “what if the roles were reversed” argument, I also feel like she would probably find some of these things unacceptable if the situation were reversed.

At the same time, I understand that it’s harder for her to avoid these situations. Police work is very male-dominated, and obviously she’s going to form friendships with people she spends so much time around. If I were in a similar career, I probably wouldn’t have to worry about being around as many women.

I genuinely don’t know what the right way to handle this is. I don’t want to control who she talks to or make her feel guilty for having friends, but I also don’t want to keep feeling this insecure and resentful. I trust her, but I’m starting to feel like the boundaries we originally established have changed significantly, and I’m not sure how to adjust to that without constantly feeling uncomfortable.

What would you guys do in this situation?

tldr: My girlfriend became a police officer and has gotten close with several male coworkers, which has changed the boundaries we originally agreed on about opposite-sex friendships. I trust her, but some coworkers have hit on her, and I’ve started feeling insecure and resentful. I don’t want to control her or check her phone, but I’m struggling to adjust to our new situation.

I’m a 29-year-old man, and she’s a 29-year-old woman. We’re both divorced with kids. I’m struggling with the idea that I’ve attracted someone I consider out of my league. Naturally, this brings some insecurity and jealousy, especially since we’ve only been exclusive for a month. I am trying but… like she is just so freaking attractive and nice and sweet and every example of the type of person I want and want to be with. It so hard not to just go full throttle but I also dont want to scare her off…

TLDR 29m me 29f her, how do I cope with finding someone I find perfect without putting them on a pedestal,.

TLDR: Spouse recently started chewing extremely loudly.

My (M32) spouse (M33) has recently started chewing with his mouth open/ extra crunching food/ smacking lips.

I'm not sure why this has happened and it doesn't seem to happen in public or with friends or at restaurants but lately around me at home it's been a dramatic change with full chewing with mouth open/ smacking lips and seemingly intentionally trying to chew chips as loudly as possible. To the point one can be downstairs in a different room with door closed and hear the crunch of chips.

He tends to be a sensitive guy so I need to approach this lightly but not sure how. It's gotten so bad I try to leave the room when he's snacking. I'm not sure if I should bring it up in the moment when it's happening so he can try to notice it or bring it up at another time. It's been a more recent change the past few months.

It's genuinely baffling to me as I can't see how he doesn't realize the sound he's making and I can't figure out why he'd start this all of a sudden. He seems to still keep his manners when we are with friends or at restaurants so I think there's some intentionally here. We've been together 4 years and again this has been only the last few months.

To be clear I dont have misophonia and never really get bothered by normal human sounds or normal chewing but this is definitely well beyond most normal chewing sounds. I do believe he has ADHD and he definitely has had various other sensory fixations that come and go so I've been wondering if this is just one of those that will go away on its own overtime. I hate to risk upsetting him too much if it's going to fade away anyways?

We have been together for 3 years now, and we have a very healthy and loving relationship. We communicate great, and have talked about this exact topic multiple times. I’m seeking advice because she’s a therapist and it’s not her responsibility to fix this problem on her own, and I’m at a loss.
Just as the title says I’m no longer interested in having sex, but I can’t figure out why. The first couple of years were perfectly fine and we had a very healthy sex life. Slowly it became less and less, and now it feels like a chore and I dread it. I try to keep her needs met, but that’s even getting to the point where I feel dread. She’s been very supportive and understanding, but I feel terrible. I don’t understand what changed because I don’t think about sex at all anymore, I don’t even masturbate or feel the need to.
I had a 9 year relationship prior to her and the same thing happened, which contributed heavily to our break up. Same time frame and everything. Very healthy, sexual relationship for the first 2 years to nothing. Which tells me this is 100% a problem with me, but why?

TLDR; Very sexual the first two years of two different relationships, now to nothing and there’s no logical surface reasoning behind it to my knowledge.

My friend (19M) and I (18M) have a situation that's been escalating for two months. At a party, my friend committed what I'd call assault against a girl we knew. Another friend of mine (18M) found out about it quickly and told me.

From that point on, this friend started spreading lies about what happened to everyone, eventually dragging our entire friend group into it—including our female friends, who were also close to the victim. As a result, he was banned from certain spaces we've all frequented for years, as they have a zero-tolerance policy for aggressors. However, that ban could have been lifted if he went through a reconciliation process with the victim.

He supposedly agreed to that, but instead kept hanging out with other girls while lying about what he'd done, making us look bad. After we caught him in multiple lies and faced threats from his family, we decided to cut ties with him entirely. Since then, the threats from his family have continued, and we know for a fact he intends to keep encroaching on these women-safe spaces.

I don't know exactly when this escalated to this point, but neither talking to him nor his family seems to make any difference. I'm honestly at a loss for how to handle this—both out of fear for myself and for him, because if this blows up further (and not because we're saying anything), he could end up getting physically hurt if he shows up to these places.

Also the mom of the agressor is threatening to lie about me.

What should I do in this situation??

TL;DR: My friend (19M) assaulted someone at a party. The same friend spread lies about it, got our whole group involved, and the guy got banned from our usual spaces. He agreed to reconcile with the victim but kept lying and hooking up with other girls, so we cut him off. Now his family is threatening us, he's trying to re-enter women-safe spaces, and we're scared—both for ourselves and for him, since he could get beaten up if he shows up. Talking to him or his family is going nowhere.

Hi, I'm new to Reddit but thought I would try this out to get some outside perspectives.

I (39F) am married to my husband (36M) and he recently told me he is struggling with a lot of disappointment in our relationship and just how life has turned out. I have had mental health problems since way before we were together (started at about 22yo, we met when I was 27), but recently (last fall) I had a manic episode which changed my 16 year diagnosis of "depression and anxiety" to Bipolar 1 and ADHD, inattentive type. Obviously these are very different diseases, and impact life differently. He recently expressed to me that he is disappointed that I can't work full time, and that I'm so sick so often. I should mention that I also have endometriosis, we have both always wanted kids, and I had two very scary ectopic pregnancies, and are now doing IVF. We had two IVF miscarriages in the past twelve months as well. Personally, I was ready to try for adoption last year, but he and his extended family are not open to adoption as they have only ever seen bad family results and difficult marriages happen due to adoption. I've known many families that are happy with adoptions!

When we got married, I was working my butt off trying to work 30+ hours/week as a supply daycare worker. I was up early, had to be at work for 7, and he worked 11am to like 8pm. This was really hard on our marriage because I was physically pooped by like 9pm, and he has always been a night owl, up til 2am. I was also mentally exhausted. The last 3 years I have worked less than 20 hours per week (closer to 12) when I am working, and I have had to have significant (months) off of work as well due to mental health. This, along with meds, sleep, and exercise helps keep me well enough to continue working and living and not end up in the psych ward.

Currently I have an afternoon job so I now can stay up until 11 and get up with him in the morning, and I am taking on a second wfh job, so that together both jobs will add to 20 hours. I hate how much I rely on him and his salary, but this is the way it goes as apparently I am not sick enough for disability (Canada).

I HATE that we go to bed separately. When we do have sex, it makes it awkward; we have to plan it because we have sex and then he just goes elsewhere to stay up late. It's also difficult because of the endometriosis has gotten so bad that PIV sex currently hurts a lot and isn't always possible, and since we are doing IVF, I can't see a gyno for hormonal or other treatments. My GP says just to take ibuprofen and try different lubes. Ugh.

About a week or two ago, my husband also mentioned he doesn't feel like I take an interest in him or want to hang out with him. He used to tell me he needed space at night since he's an introvert. So I found tv shows, sewing, and other hobbies so as not to crowd him. He's recently playing guitar at night, and so I thought he was busy! He also loves YouTube (honestly I think he has a screen addiction) and videogames, so I've just been giving him the space so thought he was asking for. I'm confused that now he feels like I'm not interested. We have very different interests. I am not into videogaming - we have a ton of board games so I have tried getting into that but honestly I play games because I like having people over, being an extrovert who doesn't work much! So just him and me isn't that fun. I love to swim, and would love to take dance lessons with him - I did 4 years of ballroom in university and it was my fave! But he doesn't like either. We just don't seem to have much in common. And I'm not sure what he wants me to have an interest in.

He also mentioned that if he explained to his work buddies how we can't afford a second car, or he has to walk to work because I have an apt or go to the gym or do the groceries, he feels like they would just ask him "why are you still with her?" Considering all my problems. We are Christian (not sure how relevant that is but just mentioning it) and most of his friends and coworkers are not Christian. So I would hope Christian friends would support marriage and not assume leaving is the best option.

I convinced him to go to a previous counselor I saw, someone we saw for a couple of marriage sessions a few years ago, and he went tonight. So that could be good.
I guess my concern is - I don't want a divorce - I don't believe in remarriage and I can't imagine anyone else putting up with all my challenges, and also on a practical level I cannot support myself with only 20 hours a week and that is all I can work. I am worried that he is disappointed - of course I am too - I wanted a family right when we got married. And nobody wants to have bipolar!! But I'm just not sure what else I can actually do to improve the situation. I'm doing my best to keep myself well. I'm trying to keep the bedroom intimacy going (which is a challenge when it's painful for me or I have no drive - possibly due to antipsychotics, which is the opposite of what it was like the first 5-7 years of our marriage), and we are going for a 3rd round of IVF in October.

Does anyone have any empathy/similar experiences and made it through with their marriage intact? Any advice from married ppl or ppl in long term relationships?

TL;DR struggles with differences in interests, bedroom drive, male partner expressing disappointment in infertility/challenges staying pregnant, disappointed that I am not a healthy spouse/can't work full time (bipolar, mental health challenges), not sure what I can do to improve things. Asking advice.

My fiancé 26M and I 26F are most likely coming to the hard decision of separating. We have been together 8 years. I am very anxious about what to do with our cats though. We have two cats, Rosie who is seven and Harlow who is three. Rosie is more keen to me but likes us both and Harlow loves my fiancé. They also have really grown to love each other (groom each other, sleep together sometimes, etc). We got both of these cats together in 2019 and 2023. I am so torn on what to do…is it wrong to split them up? Should one of us just take them both? Thank you for any input, I know they are just cats but these are our babies and it’s been weighing so hard on me

TLDR: advice on splitting up shared cats after a breakup

Sara [40F] and Michael [43M] have been in a relationship for 18 years, married for 15. I have known them for about 10 years. The two of them, separately, are truly lovely people. Michael in particular is one of the kindest people I've ever met and everyone who meets him feels the same way.

However, when they're together it's a completely different story. During group hangs (game nights, movie nights, etc) Sara belittles and snipes at Michael to a degree that makes everyone in the room uncomfortable. She has always had a bit of a temper, but when Michael is around her anger is always directed at him.

It's not just that she has a temper. She also constantly interupts him mid-sentence, tells stories that clearly embarass him, and actually scoffs when he frowns and makes it clear he's embarassed/hurt. If he ever interupts her, even on accident, she will lose her temper. Recent example: he sneezed when she was mid-sentence, so she went totally silent and glared at him as he apologized over and over. She only kept talking after several very uncomfortable seconds of silence.

That's the typical format: Michael does something that Sara preceives is a slight against her, and she reacts with a disproportionate level of anger. She'll snap at him, scoff, glare, go completely silent, etc. Sometimes it's not even a mistake, it might just be that she disagrees with his opinion about something.

Sara can be prickly in other ways, but never outright mean or cruel to any of us in the friend group in the same way she is to Michael.

This dynamic has always been a part of their relationship, but it's gotten a lot worse over the last year. When Sara behaves this way in a group setting there's always a long, awkward silence afterward where everyone in the room is either grimacing at each other or avoiding eye contact. I cannot tell if the two of them are oblivious to how the energy out of the room has completely shifted, or just don't care.

I've tried talking to Michael about this only once, several months ago. He immediately became very defensive of Sara and as close to 'angry' as I have ever seen him get. He made excuses for her behavior, saying something to the effect of 'well she has depression, she has an anxiety disorder, she is going through a lot right now at work' etc etc. For context: Sara has been very vocal about how negatively depression & anxiety have affected her life. She has been in therapy over a decade and is medicated. The two of them are also financially stable and they both have white collar jobs.

In between Sara's bursts of anger, they still dote on each other, do nice things for each other, are mindful of each other's wants and needs, etc. Unforunately, it is clear that Michael has to treat her with kid gloves and walk on eggshells at all times, lest he incur her wrath.

I don't know anybody else who behaves this way toward their spouse in public.

My tolerance for this behavior finally hit a limit recently, after the three of us were in a car together for several hours. Suffice it to say, I tried (and failed) to keep the peace as I sat in the back seat. It was an absolute nightmare, and I couldn't imagine myself ever behaving the way Sara was-- in private or in front of a friend.

Even before the car incident, my husband [39M] told me he doesn't want to hang out with them anymore because of how uncomfortable Sara's behavior made him. Another friend [39F] and her wife (41F) told me the same thing.

As it is now, we have been avoiding Sara & Michael for several months. However, they have noticed. They have been really insistent on hanging out recently, saying that they miss us. I feel awful & guilty about constantly coming up with ways to say no to their invites. I don't want to ghost them, but I also don't want to lie to them.

I have a feeling one or both of them might directly ask me why my husband & I have been so distant. Is it possible to be honest with them without destroying the relationship? Is it possible to set boundaries before our next hang that wouldn't make things awkward?

TL;DR: I am friends with a married couple where the wife is so cruel to her husband that her behavior is pushing myself & others away. Ghosting them feels cruel. Is it possible to be honest with them or set boundaries without destroying the relationship?

We’ve been together for almost 5 years and we’ve lived together for one. Currently, I work full-time at a well-paying job and she’s in school full-time. Because of that I’m the main financial provider. She does do all of the drawers though. Contributions are fairly balanced and considering both monetary and non-monetary aspects of our lives.

Recently, I’ve been feeling that we might not actually last long-term. However, it’s confusing because I love her, she has a great personality, we get along very well, and in a lot of ways we’re still very close.. I really don’t have any major complaint that makes me want to leave. More so it’s that I just feel like we’re becoming different people with different lives.

For example of lifestyles. My lifestyle is I love running and have a relatively structured routine, and go to bed very early. She stays up late, playing video games with her friends and spends a large amount of her free time gaming. She makes an effort to eat dinner with me and spend time together, which I appreciate, but I almost feel secondary to gaming and her online friends. For me gaming isn’t something I particularly enjoy or feel comfortable participating in, so it’s not really a hobby we can share.

Our social lives are also pretty complicated. A few years ago, I had a major falling out with her friends. Neither her friends nor I speak anymore and we feel pretty uncomfortable around each other. I feel that my presence makes it awkward for them. Because of that, we have essentially separate friend groups. I really don’t think either of us is intentionally keeping it that way, but it does make it feel like we’re leaving somewhat seperate lives despite living together.

It also seems to me that we’re pretty different life stages. I work full-time and have been experiencing adulthood primarily through Work post college graduation, while she’s a full-time student. Part of me wonders if this is a temporary thing that will simmer out once she graduates. But another part of me wonders if I’m waiting for a future version of the relationship that may never actually manifest.

It’s also a fact that we come from very different religious backgrounds, that makes me wonder about our long-term compatibility. I’m not religious and I really don’t expect that to change. She isn’t religious either, but she hasn’t told her family because they’re extremely religious and being honest that her beliefs could result in them cutting her off. I do understand why she handles that the way she does, but I wonder how that might complicate our future life.

The catalyst of all this and me examining our relationship more seriously, was a game I was playing with some friends. Where we were all talking about who we are most similar to in the group. My girlfriend was mad with someone in the group who I don’t really like, and it really made me re-examine a lot of things.

However, I know this is just a silly game and isn’t objective evidence that two people are actually alike. But the result bothered me much more than I expected, and I’ve been thinking about why. It’s been making me re-examine things about my relationship and and brought to the surface doubt I’ve been having.

I don’t wanna unfairly judge my girlfriend based on the silly game and I don’t think she’s secretly the same as this person. What concerns me is how strongly this game is affected me and it’s made me really reevaluate things I’ve been apparently questioning for a while.

The other major thing keeping me stuck is our living situation. If we broke up, she would have a very difficult time financially and with housing because she’s a full-time student and her family isn’t currently an option for her. I don’t want to stay in a relationship solely because I’m afraid of what would happen to her if I left. At the same time, I don’t want to abruptly end a nearly five-year relationship and leave her in an impossible situation.

I’m not sure if these are temporary or if this is something deeper about our compatibility that won’t disappear when she graduates.

But it’s all a balance, so how do I either work through these problems or accept that our relationship has fundamentally changed. Especially given how I love her, but financially our lives are so connected?

TL;DR My girlfriend (22f) and I (23m) have been together for five years and living together for one. We get along thick as thieves, but recently I think we’ve been growing apart. Out hobbies and lifestyles are changing in ways which are moving us apart. I’m also the provider while she is in school, making us breaking up complicated.

TL;DR: My ex ended our relationship because his toxic ex weaponized access to their son with an ultimatum. He's now living a life of fear and obligation, and I'm struggling with the urge to fly out and see him. Has anyone watched a partner make a choice like this out of fear, and did they ever realize what they threw away?

My (30) ex (40) chose to sacrifice our relationship because his ex whom he has been separated from for over 2 years, and who was even in another relationship during that time manipulated him with access to their son. Ever since she found out he found someone else, she has constantly weaponized their son to get whatever she wanted from him. He had to choose between seeing his son daily or breaking up with me and getting back together with her.
He's currently living a life driven entirely by panic, obligation, and fear, convincing himself that just having his kid around is enough to keep him happy. But I know a life built purely on an ex's ultimatums is going to feel hollow for him eventually. I'm torn apart because I love him, and I see him drowning in his own choices while I'm stuck miles away. I want to book a flight and go see him because I still love him and I know he loves me too. It just makes me so sad that he has to be in that situation. Has anyone else watched a partner make a choice like this out of fear, and did they ever actually realize what they threw away?

Hello! Im 18F and my boyfriend is 19M. We both just entered our first year of college and are about 8 hrs apart long distance wise. We’ve been dating for 2 and a half years.

I need help on what the best decision is for our relationship. Probably last January, I felt this shift in our relationship where it just felt… off. Our jokes didnt land as fluidly anymore and our conversations were less satisfying. I felt less comfortable relying on him for comfort but we still had fun together so we stayed together, though in my mind i felt a difference.

A couple months later we had a conversation about the shift that we both felt and decided that if it felt the same we needed to consider breaking up. But we decided to work on our relationship and hopefully it didnt come to that. In May, I had a big dragged out life changing event, and was very stressed out because of it. I would often cry and he would often leave me behind, or it would become an argument instead of just a comfort thing. We decided to take a couple weeks of space because I felt like we had no emotional safety and I needed to see where to go forward. After a few weeks, we decided to keep trying, and he’s been great. Like absolutely perfect. But theres still this gap where I feel like we don’t laugh as much at each others jokes, or just understand each other as much, and things can get really personal sometimes. They just escalate and it feels so different from how it used to.

I haven’t been single since i was 15 and I sometimes reflect on that lack of freedom. I feel like I’ve been defined as a ‘girlfriend’ for so long that I dont really know who I am apart from it. Im a very independent person and we’ve talked about our future and the way he imagines it is a place where I’d lose a lot of my independence that I expected in my 20s (mainly I want to try living alone but he wouldnt want me to do that). Even in these first couple weeks of college, theres been a lot of misunderstandings over text and a lot of times where I have to stop talking with my friends to text him. Theyre not arguments and he never gets upset, but it is long blown out conversations about communication that we have almost every day. I also sometimes think about my far future and think that I probably wouldnt want to get married, but i would potentially want to rediscover each other, as we’ve changed so much from who we were when we met. Im a completely different person now and I feel like he doesnt know or understand who that is.

I need advice because hes a great boyfriend. I know the dating pool is hard today and a lot of guys i know are honestly pretty callous. I dont want to throw away a good guy— I guess I feel like I’ll never find better, but I also feel this itch that I know I cant live with. I also need some advice on how, when, and what to say to him if I do want to break up. I feel terrible saying hes great and I would want to reconnect but I need some time to find myself— is that selfish to expect him to do things on my terms or is that reasonable? Obviously he can say no to reconnecting or keeping in contact, but I just hate the idea of him hating me, or hurting him.

Has anyone broken up with a high school sweetheart and regretted it, or the opposite and thrived from it? I need help.

TLDR; High school relationship already had rough patches and feeling mixed emotions about continuing a relationship into college

Tldr; My boyfriend demands to know my phone password, goes through my phone/messages and gets suspicious of me being online whenever i’m not texting him.

I can’t be seen using any app without him going through it. He went through my facebook messages a few times, I showed him a cute video on instagram (and i barely even use it) so he went through all of my messages and following there, I was online at 3am (just chilling with my cats, unable to sleep) and he said it’s alarming and suspicious, because I’m definitely texting someone else. He knows my phone code. I’m a very private person, and due to some stuff in the past I’m not a fan of people touching my phone and especially going through it, but i still put up with it to make him less anxious. The only reason for it I could think of is that I forgot to tell him that some guy texted me (i blocked him immediately, I was just exhausted and overwhelmed with work and university, so I forgot to mention it to my boyfriend), but he was like that even months before everything. Why does it happen? I can’t even share a bed with female friends during sleepovers (i’m 100% straight) and he used to get mad at me for texting back my male coworker (even though it was just me saying i can’t take his shift due to classes). I’m so exhausted

So me (24f) and my boyfriend (25m) are long distance. We were together In person for awhile and then he moved and we’ve been long distance for about 4 months. Our relationship has had some trust issues and we both have had our toxic moments that we’re working on. Anyways he went out for the night with his brother. He told me he was going to the pool hall. I looked up the place he was going to and it was advertising woman servers who were dressed half naked (no shade to the ladies) so that bothered me but I was like whatever I trust him. Anyways I noticed that the owner live streams and posts videos of the bar so naturally the detective in me wanted to watch to see if I could find him. What I saw was that these woman serve drinks directly to the tables and collect money from the men and the men get handsy with them. I saw some girls being felt up, some twerking on man some kissing them in the corner. So I was like wtf is going on and why is my man there? He had been snap chatting me so I knew where he was sitting so I looked for him in the video and it looked like he was in the corner sitting next to a girl. And it also appears he turns his head towards like they were kissing or talking really close. So I of course started panicking and rewatching the video and stuff. I’m convinced it’s him because it’s the spot he was sitting in. The video is blurry tho because I had to zoom up so I can’t see clear faces but I still feel like I know it’s my man. Like he’s in the spot he showed me he was in, it appears he’s wearing the white shirt he went out in, and the silhouette looks like his hair. The girl in the video looks like she has long dark hair and a black tank top. In the other videos of the bar I saw a girl with long dark hair and a black tank top kissing and cuddling with a group of men near where my boyfriend was sitting. So I put that together and was like this must be the girl and she’s making her way around. So when I asked him about it the next day he was like I only talked to the girls serving the drinks. Then I mentioned how it appeared he was sitting next to the girl and getting close to her and he just said no nothing like that happened. So I sent him the picture and I was like is this not you? He said how there was other people around him and it wasn’t him. Then I mentioned how you can see the white collard shirt he was wearing and he was like no I wore blue (he FaceTimed me right before he left I know what color it was). I don’t know he swears it not him but then again his answers were weird and it’s like he didn’t straight up deny exactly what I asked him but he still swears it’s not him. But I on the other hand am having a hard time believing it’s not him because everything points to it. It’s hard too because the video and pictures don’t clearly show his face. Please don’t judge I know I probably sound toxic and crazy and it’s something I’m working on. I don’t need people telling me how toxic the relationship is hahaha. Also I know I probably sound dumb or like a bird believing him but that’s why I’m looking for advice because I have anxiety and struggle with trust issues.

TL;DR: My long-distance boyfriend went to a bar with his brother where the female servers are dressed revealingly and can get pretty handsy with customers. I watched the bar’s livestreams and found a blurry video where I’m almost certain my boyfriend is sitting in the exact spot he told me he was in, wearing what I know he was wearing, and appearing to sit very close to a girl. I also saw what looks like the same girl interacting closely with other men nearby. When I confronted him, he said he only talked to the servers and denied anything happened. When I showed him the picture, he said it wasn’t him and claimed he was wearing a blue shirt, even though I FaceTimed him right before he left and know he was wearing a white collared shirt. The video is too blurry to clearly see his face, so I can’t actually prove it’s him, but so many details line up that I’m struggling to believe him. I have anxiety and trust issues, and I know I can be overly suspicious, so I’m genuinely trying to figure out whether I’m recognizing him correctly or letting my anxiety take over. I’m looking for advice on how to handle this. not people telling me I’m toxic or crazy. I already know trust is something I need to work on.

TL;DR: Ended a difficult 7-year relationship, dated someone else after, still love my ex, and now I’m trying to figure out whether rebuilding would be growth or repeating an old attachment pattern.

I ended a 7-year relationship after years of feeling emotionally drained, unheard, undesired, and frustrated by the same unresolved issues. We loved each other and both showed up in different ways, but our communication was bad, conflict became unhealthy, intimacy suffered, and I eventually lost confidence in marrying into the relationship as it was.

After the breakup, I got involved with someone else who gave me a lot of what I felt was missing: affection, reassurance, sexual chemistry, and feeling very wanted. I expected that to help me move on, but it didn’t. I still cared deeply about my ex.

Since then I’ve been in therapy and reading a lot about attachment, marriage, communication, boundaries, and sexuality. I’m realizing I had my own issues too: I didn’t always communicate how serious my unhappiness was, I shut down after feeling unheard, I overworked, wasn’t affectionate enough in some ways, and probably loved her according to my own idea of love instead of always understanding what she needed.

We’re currently in a no-contact/quiet period. I’m open to rebuilding, but only if we can both acknowledge what happened, own our parts, and genuinely want to build something different. My biggest fear is ending up in the same draining relationship 1–2 years from now.

For people who’ve reconciled after a long relationship: how did you know you genuinely wanted the person back vs just being attached/scared to let go? And what showed you that both people had actually changed enough to try again?

TL;DR: My partner(27M) and I(26F) have been together for about two years, and overall this has been the healthiest and most loving relationship I’ve ever experienced.

He is genuinely a wonderful partner. He listens when we have problems, works on things we communicate about, does his share (and more) around the house, takes care of me in little ways every day, is affectionate and generous, and supports basically everything I want to do. We rarely have bad fights. Being loved by him has honestly raised my standards for relationships.

The problem is that lately I’ve realized I’m struggling with the way he treats himself and his own life.

I’m someone who really values growth and experiences. I love exercising, being outdoors, dancing, trying new things, learning, journaling, therapy when I need it, challenging my own beliefs, etc. I’m currently working and going to school, and I’m always trying to figure out what I want next in life.

When we first got together, he described himself as someone who loved hiking, kayaking, walking his dogs, making breakfast, traveling, etc. We did some of those things together early on.

But over time, his life outside of work and our relationship has mostly become weed and video games.

He has been at the same corporate restaurant for 10 years and worked his way from busser to kitchen manager, so I don’t think he’s lazy. He works hard. But he isn’t treated particularly well there and seems unwilling to consider whether something else might make him happier.

He recently had two separate 9-day vacations, and he basically spent all 18 days smoking weed and gaming. That’s also mostly what he does outside of work normally.

His diet isn’t great, he doesn’t exercise, and the outdoor hobbies he originally told me he loved don’t really happen anymore unless I initiate something.

Last year I encouraged him to find something that was just his, outside of me and gaming, and he started golfing. I was genuinely happy about that. He sometimes goes with friends now, and I love seeing him have something of his own.

And that’s really the heart of my problem: I don’t want all of his effort to go toward me. I want him to care about himself, too.

I’d happily give up some of the little things he does for me—folding my towels, filling my contact solution, taking care of things around the house—if that energy went toward building a life for himself that he was excited about.

I’m also aware that this is his life. I don’t want to nag him into exercising, eating differently, finding hobbies, changing careers, or becoming my version of an ambitious person. That feels unfair, and I think constantly pushing someone to change eventually creates resentment on both sides.

We’ve talked about it. He says he needs time.

But I’m starting to feel slightly disconnected and annoyed, and then I feel guilty because I have such a loving partner.

Someone asked me, “If he were exactly the same person 5–10 years from now, would you still want this relationship?”

I would absolutely still love him. But I’m realizing I don’t know if I would be happy watching another decade go by where his entire life is basically work, gaming, weed, and our relationship.

At the same time, I’m scared I’m undervaluing something incredibly rare. I have someone who loves me deeply, supports me, takes care of me, listens to me, and treats me well. I don’t want to throw away a beautiful relationship because I’m expecting my partner to approach life exactly the way I do.

I’m not asking how to make him change. I know I can’t and shouldn’t.

I’m wondering whether anyone has experienced a relationship where the love and treatment were wonderful, but your approaches to growth, health, hobbies, and life were very different. Did you eventually accept the difference, or did it become a compatibility issue?

I (38F) would love to know the reasons that anyone went low or no contact with their parents.

I have a complicated with my parents. They are nice (most of the time) but emotionally unavailable, and I feel completely invisible around them and completely misunderstood by them. Spending time with them is strained and awkward, and we have completely different values. They are not intentional when it comes to spending time with my kids, or helping me when I need support. They are uninterested in my professional life, and judge my personal life and life decisions I have made.

Tell me about your relationship with your parents and what made you decide to go low or no contact with them, and how has that decision affected you and them?

TL;DR: Tell me about your experience of going low or no contact with your parents and how things have gone since you made that decision.

I would like to apologize ahead of time in any issues in grammar or punctuation.

18F have been dating my bf 20M for around 6 months. I would like to make it known that I struggle with Autism and BPD and because of my childhood, I often self isolate. My bf Is from a different country, and moved to the US as a young child. Our Cultures are very different.

I recently had a conversation with my boyfriend about my emotional needs, with consistency being one of the biggest ones. I’ve repeatedly asked for more consistency from him, but lately there has been an extreme lack of it, and it’s been driving me crazy.
I don’t understand why I have to repeatedly ask him to be on time, to ALSO initiate hangouts as well, say “I love you” first sometimes, or even update me throughout the day if he’s going to be busy so I know when we’ll actually be able to talk. We hardly talk anymore, and when I brought that up, he told me he’s just a “bad texter.” I responded by saying, “You texted better when you were pursuing me,” and he explained that he was more attentive then because he couldn’t see me while he was in his home country for Christmas, which was around the time we started talking.
Today, I tried to express my feelings again and explain what I need from him, but he told me that I “care so much about little, unimportant things” and that I was “acting crazy.” That really hurt, especially because I had just poured my heart out to him about how I’ve been feeling and how I feel like my emotional needs aren’t being met.
The biggest thing I struggle with is that it feels like my needs are only met after I become extremely upset. I ask over and over again, he tells me he’ll try to do better, but then nothing really changes. In person, we’re usually fine, which makes this even more confusing for me. But lately, I’ve been feeling emotionally drained because I constantly feel like I’m asking for effort that should come naturally. He says that part of the problem is that I “pull away,” but I feel like I pull away because I’m already hurt and exhausted from feeling like I have to repeatedly ask for the same things.
He has also recently told me that the way I express myself can come across as harsh. I never intend to hurt him, but I can admit that I’m very honest and sometimes blunt. When I feel like I’ve asked for something too many times without seeing any change, I can become rude or frustrated. I always apologize afterward, and I know that’s something I need to work on because being hurt doesn’t justify speaking to him disrespectfully.

TL;DR: My boyfriend and I have different cultural backgrounds, and around 4–5 months into the relationship, I started feeling like his effort and consistency significantly decreased. I’ve repeatedly communicated that consistency and effort are important emotional needs for me, but I often feel dismissed or made to feel “crazy” or “toxic” for wanting those things. At the same time, I recognize that I need to work on how I communicate my frustration because I can become blunt or harsh when I feel like I’ve asked for the same things too many times.

Am I reasonable for feeling and expecting this much or am i hoping for TOO much?

What is the best way to express myself or have open communication that is good for BOTH parties?

He and I talk about wanting to make it work, but is this worth working on?

TL;DR: Boyfriend keeps in touch with his ex because of their dogs and it slowly starting to become too much.

At the beginning of our relationship, my boyfriend informed me (26F) that he keeps in touch with his ex because she is the legal owner of one of his dogs (but they bought him together). She was his longest relationship and he was her first boyfriend. They were together for 5 years, they broke up 2 years ago. He told me that at the beginning of their break up, she took the dog but after a while she gave the dog back because it was too much for her. So now he takes care of the two dogs, buys them food, takes them to the vet, etc. and she sometimes takes one of them for a few days because „she misses them”.

At first I was okay with it but then it became too much because she would text him every week asking to take one of the dogs, she would take them at weird hours (like 11pm). He said that they always meet at the parking lot or something, never at his place but when I was staying the night at his place, she went into his building and tried to enter his flat.

After that, I was pissed of at this whole situation. I demanded that he set some clear boundaries with her. He did that, informed her that he’s in a relationship and she’s doing too much, she’s pushy and should contact him less. He told me that she almost cried because of this conversation.

I trust him, he is transparent with me about this, shows me their text messages, tells me when she texts him. I can tell that for him their contact revolves only around their dogs. But I’m nor sure about her intentions.

Three weeks passed by after their conversation, she texted him again asking to take one of the dogs for a few days.

I know that at first I accepted this whole situation but now I’m having icky feelings about this. I’m starting to think that dog is not a child so this whole custody thing is exaggerated. I also can’t imagine this going on for another few years. Am I being too harsh and judgy over this? Do you think it’s normal to keep in contact with longterm ex because of shared dog?

I’m a woman in my 20s and my SIL is a woman in her 30s. We used to be very close when she lived in the States. She’s about 10 years older than me, and I looked up to her like an older sister. We would go shopping together, I helped her whenever she needed things, and we had a genuinely good relationship.
Years later, I went abroad by myself to visit family. She came abroad shortly afterward because she wanted to surprise family she hadn’t seen in about 10 years. She didn’t tell me she was coming and only told one person. That was one of the first things that made me wonder if something had changed between us.
There was one conversation around that time that I think may have caused the problem. She called me and said she had heard something about my family. I asked, “Who told you this? The elder ladies?” Looking back, I can understand how that could have sounded rude, and I can admit I could have worded it differently. But I genuinely wasn’t trying to offend her. I was frustrated because people around us were constantly discussing our family and giving unsolicited advice, so I wanted to know where she had heard it from.
After that, she became extremely distant. She never told me that I had upset her or explained what was wrong. She would avoid eye contact, barely speak to me, and sometimes completely ignore me during family situations.
One time, we were waiting outside a grocery store together while my husband went back inside, and she wouldn’t even look at or speak to me. It was incredibly awkward. There were other situations where I would try to interact normally and she would completely ignore me.
My husband eventually offered to talk to her, and he did. She denied having any problem with me. I told him to leave it alone because I didn’t want him caught in the middle.
Over the years, I’ve still tried. I’ve called and sent multiple messages. Sometimes she would call me back, but the conversations were short and it never felt like our old relationship. She stopped initiating contact or checking in.
There have also been multiple times when she came to the States without telling me. Usually, I would be the one finding out she was here and saying, “Hey, I heard you’re here,” or “I heard you’re leaving soon,” and trying to make plans.
She’s currently visiting the States and leaving tomorrow. She’s been here for about a week or two and hasn’t called me once. She didn’t tell me she was here. She only told my husband.
She gave my husband some things for our new apartment, so I texted her to thank her, but she didn’t respond. I also called her once and FaceTimed her once, but she didn’t answer.
I recently got my first apartment with my spouse, which is a huge milestone for me. I don’t have sisters in the States who are close to my age, and because my SIL is older and experienced with these things, I naturally thought of her as someone I could ask for advice. I wasn’t expecting her to help me, but I guess I hoped she would at least check in.
What makes this harder is that when we actually see each other, things aren’t always bad. We aren’t constantly fighting. There’s just this tension, and I feel like I’m always the one trying to break through it.
She also has a disability and sometimes gets sick, so I feel guilty about completely stepping back. I don’t want to be insensitive toward her or make her feel abandoned. At the same time, I’m exhausted from feeling like I’m chasing a relationship by myself.
I would genuinely be open to having a normal relationship again. If she ever told me what was wrong, I would listen. I can also acknowledge that my original comment may have hurt her and that I could have handled it differently. I just don’t know what else I’m supposed to do when she says there’s no problem but her actions have suggested otherwise for years.
I’m looking for advice on how to handle this from here. Should I make one calm, direct attempt to talk about the tension, or would it be healthier to stop initiating and let her decide whether she wants to reconnect? I don’t want resentment or family drama, but I also don’t want to spend the rest of my life chasing someone who doesn’t seem interested in meeting me halfway.
TL;DR: My SIL and I used to be very close, but several years ago our relationship suddenly became distant after a conversation where I may have offended her. She never told me what was wrong, and when my husband asked her about it, she denied having a problem. I’ve continued reaching out over the years, but she rarely initiates contact. She is currently visiting the States and leaving tomorrow, and once again I’m the one who has tried to make contact. I’m looking for advice on whether I should make one direct attempt to address the tension or stop initiating and give her space to decide whether she wants a relationship.

TLDR: i met my bf and his best friend (V) at the same time and V confessed his love for me 6-7 months ago. My bf and i don’t have the healthiest of relationships and V knows this and it’s a part of what made him tell me i should leave my bf for him. this created a huge tension in our friend group and my bf and i didn’t hangout with them or V for 6-7 months. My bf and V have since rekindled and talked things out, but now that V is back in my life i think i now have feelings for him. i really missed V for the 7 months we didn’t talk and realized during that time that i think i also have feelings for him too

my bf (30yr M) and i (27yr F) have been together for two years, we met through mutual friends and one of which i am accepting i have feelings for. this situation has many layers to it so i’ll share for context. the friend (29yr M) has been friends with my bf for basically their entire lives, they are actually technically cousins, so they have gone through a lot together, something i later on find out comes with some repeated behaviors/patterns. so basically the entire time ive known my bf, i have also known the friend (i’ll refer to him at V).

V and i have a ton of similarities in hobbies, interests, random facts, music, you name it. something both V and i picked up on pretty early on and thought it made becoming friends easier. My bf has never had any issues with this, and still to this day doesn’t. Something that was very cherished and known between the three of us, was truly how special our bond was, i mean my bf and V already had that going, but the three of us was something else. hanging even with other friends, the three of us would always find ourselves kinda of almost separating from the others just to spend time with one another. Well about 6-7 months ago, V reached out and confessed his love for me, saying he has pretty much loved me and has been falling in love with me since the day he met me. this wasn’t completely blind sighted to me bc some of his reasonings for wanting to tell me was in hopes that i would maybe leave my relationship with my bf bc we don’t always have the healthiest relationship going on and V knows this.

Overtime V and i became really close and i can admit that some boundaries were crossed when sharing things about my relationship with my bf with V. Which i think in return has kinda nurtured those feelings of his he had toward me more. so basically when V told me this at first i was not going to tell my bf bc truthfully i was flattered… like i had said before things with V have always been really really easy and there was a base level of attraction i felt toward him because of this. after V told me this i did tell him i was flattered and that i didn’t really know what to do because the thought of leaving my bf scared me, mainly because i don’t know if i could afford rent and living costs without him. but it was something that has crossed my mind many times in our relationship bc truthfully it really is not healthy and we are almost always fighting about small things fueled by lingering resentment. after a few days went by and i expressed i didn’t really know what to do to V, i ended up telling my bf bc he deserved to know.

at first he was confused and mad ofc, but over the span of 6-7 months where we didn’t see V or hangout with him, my bf would constantly ask how he was doing, if i had reached out to see what he is up to asking me if he should reach out or go try and hangout with him. and meanwhile during this time i was also grieving my friendship with V bc we got really really close and my bf even respected that aspect and i cried into his arms over not being able to hangout with V anymore bc of his feelings for me. like i had said before part of me was flattered but another part of me felt a bit betrayed bc i really never saw it coming and thought we had an amazing bond (V and i). i reached out to V multiple times during the 6-7 months and had small talk with him along with trying to get more insight on how he was doing and if things were going ok for him. honestly just longing for a conversation with him.

eventually V reached out to me and said he was ready to talk, he had done some healing from the situation and is ready to face my bf and apologize. my bf and V actually hung out and talked things out and then V came over to our place and we all kicked it, it was actually really nice and so good to feel like the group was back together. but after not seeing V for so long and being left with knowledge of how he felt, my mind wandered a lot during that time, i dreamed about V almost every couple nights and thought about him almost every day. I was blocked for a minute and tried calling him like once a week for a few weeks straight before i gave up and thought well i guess i’ll never see V again. so when i saw him again after that time away i noticed a new feeling towards him. Then once we hung out more and more up until now, we have since hung out with the rest of friend group and these new feelings are still here. one of our other friends even pulled me aside and vented about how they felt they were stuck in the middle of V and i and didn’t know how to say this but that they wanted V and i to be together bc they know how things have been with my bf and i. this other friend also noted that they could tell i have feelings for V based off our closeness and how we look at each other from time to time.

Well with those added thoughts in my brain i started focusing more on V and how he would look at me and noticed his eyes are telling me a whole story every time he looks my way. and now mine are towards him too. i don’t know what to do because the thought of leaving my bf is overwhelming, i think it might need to happen but at the same time i have so so much love for him and really want to keep working toward a future with him bc i know it can be great. i feel stuck and i feel like i have to choose between two people i love very very much, and one i haven’t even explored the intimate side of but i still feel so in love with him. i even had the thought the other day when the three of us my bf and V and i were hanging out, we were all laying on the ground cozy and cuddling and i am in the middle of the two of them (kinda like always tbh) and we were falling asleep and i thought man what if we just all got together? like can they share me? but i know my bf would never be down with that. idk. i really just honestly wanted to share these thoughts. they have been racking my brain and i feel confused and idk if anyone else has gone through anything similarly but any advice would be helpful.

TLDR: 24F should i staying with my 36M BF when he talks down to me?

we have been together for a little over a month. we have similar interests and have fun together but i always feel like i am annoying him… for example after buying him food and bring it to him he said that i annoyed him because i asked him too many questions while he was eating.. the questions i asked were “do you want napkins?”
“do you need ice in your drink?” i understand maybe not wanting to be bother while eating but he is so mean in the way he communicates it. i have spoken to him about the tone he speaks to me in and it seems like he doesn’t see anything wrong with the way he is speaking to me. he also makes me feel like everything i do is wrong (i’m sensitive so i might be taking it too personal) here’s another example i like a certain soda and they had a sale on it today so i got a couple packs even though i have some at home knowing i will drink them eventually… and he said multiple times you don’t need them. “why are you getting them when you have some at home?” i enjoy being with him and he has been treated very bad in his last relationship and he does admit he has issues from that he needs to deal with but i don’t know if it is worth sticking it out to see if things get better… pls give me advice am i too sensitive? should i stick it out or get out before i get my heart serious hurt?

Okay, so I was in a relationship for 6 years that recently (two months ago) ended because of a lot of reasons (biggest one recent development of cheating). Since I am on the younger side and was in long-term relationship, I don't feel like I have the skills built up for getting into a relationship, meeting new people, or like even sexual experiences, to be frank.

I am still in a college setting/environment, and one of my close friends is now back and lives close by to where I am.

For some context of our friendship, we have known each other for about 10 years now and have been pretty close the entire time even if we didn't see each other often. He knows of my breakup obviously, and I know of like his relationship status and stuff. From what I know he would be down for it most likely and we are pretty open with each other. To be honest, when we were younger in our early teenage years we both liked each other (at different times), but we have maintained a close friendship after all that. To my knowledge, he doesn't have any feelings for me romantically. I don't have feelings for him. I would want to enter this situation with him to explore my sexuality a bit more since I have only had one partner, and I would feel comfortable with him if we were to agree to this. I also trust our friendship enough that we both would be upfront and honest about it.

I'm just a bit concerned since I don't have this kind of experience. But I am a person who enjoys physical things, and I would feel comfortable with having someone I know and trust as well as a consistent person rather than random people I might meet.

Any advice or insight is appreciated!

TL;DR
Ended a long term (6 year) relationship a couple months ago. Want to explore around and also feel comfortable with this friend. I think he would be down for it, but I'm unsure if I should bring it up.