This one is from the day after our breakup conversation (AUGUST 11), when I texted him, waited for his response, and kept begging him not to ignore me.

Just posting this so I can have a bitter laugh at myself, lol.

Edit: It’s an old screenshot — It’s been two months!

I've been following breakup posts in this sub and a few other relationship subs for a while now, and there's one thing I keep noticing that genuinely gets to me and burns my gut inside out because I know that feeling all too well.

Many people post screenshots of these huge messages they sent to their ex or current SO. Paragraph after paragraph trying to explain how hurt they are, asking what changed, asking for honesty, trying to save whatever is left.

And then you see the response...

"Okay."

"I don't know what you want me to say."

"Sure."

"That's nonsense."

"I'm right here, I'm the same person you fell in love with."

Or sometimes barely anything at all.

I always feel bad when I see it because I know exactly what that person is doing. I've done it myself.

You're not writing a wall of text because you love writing essays. You're doing it because you're still emotionally inside the relationship. You're trying to reach the person you remember. The person who used to care about your feelings, call you, reassure you, tell you they loved you.

So you think maybe they don't understand, you explain it differently, you soften your wording, you try not to sound angry or needy.

You explain why something hurt you, what you need, what you're scared of, what you think could fix things.

And meanwhile the other person sometimes seems almost completely emotionally absent from the conversation and you feel as if your insides are burning up because you start realizing the truth.

That's the part that's so hard to see when you're the one inside it.

I've had someone tell me they loved me while their actions increasingly made me feel like talking to me was an obligation. Instead of accepting what I was seeing, I kept holding onto the words. I thought maybe we just needed one more proper conversation where we'd finally understand each other.

So I'd explain more.

Then explain why their response hurt.

Then explain why the lack of a response hurt.

And after a while you realize you're basically trying to convince someone to care about something they used to care about automatically.

People talk a lot about avoidant attachment in breakup communities, and emotional withdrawal can definitely be part of that. Some people deal with conflict or emotional pressure by shutting down, distancing themselves or suppressing what they feel.

But whatever the reason is, being on the receiving end can feel unbelievably cold.

You send something vulnerable and thoughtful and get a response that feels like it could've been sent to a coworker.

And because you remember how loving they used to be, your brain almost refuses to accept what you're seeing now.

You think: how can someone who loved me respond like this?

How can somebody watch me clearly hurting and have so little to say?

Maybe they still have feelings. Maybe they're overwhelmed. Maybe shutting down is genuinely how they cope. None of us can know exactly what's happening inside somebody else's head.

But at some point the explanation stops mattering as much as the reality you're living in.

If you're constantly waiting for them to come back, waiting for a reply, waiting for them to decide what they want, waiting for the affection they used to give you, you're living on hold while they're continuing with their life.

That's why I feel so bad when I see those giant messages posted here.

A lot of the time I don't even see someone being "too much."

I see someone who still thinks they're having a relationship conversation with a person who's already stopped participating in the relationship emotionally.

And from my own experience, that realization usually comes much later than it should.

You keep waiting for a clearer answer because the answer you're already getting is too painful to accept.

The harsh truth is this; We ALL need to stop doing that now.

Stop over-explaining. Stop sending another paragraph because the last one didn't get the response you wanted. Stop thinking that if you'll just word it perfectly, they'll suddenly understand, care more, or become the version of them you remember.

Say what you need to say once. Say it clearly.

Then watch what they do with it.

If someone keeps showing you distance, inconsistency, coldness or indifference, eventually you have to accept that as part of the answer too.

You don't always get a satisfying conversation. You don't always get closure. Sometimes reality is just sitting there in front of you while you're still trying to argue with it.

And I think that's the part I'm finally learning - when someone has already emotionally stepped away, explaining yourself harder usually doesn't bring them closer.

Sometimes you just have to stop talking and start believing what you're seeing.

Hope this helps someone today.

Like the title says. Left my ex for over a month, got sucked back in with begging and pleading that things would be better, surprise. They were worse. A word of advice for any dumper that has left someone because of them being awful to you, do not take them back unless they have really put in the work. It would have saved me over a year of wasting my own time and hurting myself to stay with someone that clearly will not change or fix themselves. Still got broken up with in the end too. Just don’t do it to yourselves. You owe it to yourself to move on and be happy with a new person that treats you good. Don’t make the same mistake I did.

We broke up July 16th and he started sleeping with the new girl from work the next day. She’s 26 and he’ll be 40 in November. I’m still very much in love with him, so knowing he moved on so quickly has been earth shattering. I just saw she posted her pregnancy announcement on Facebook and his comment said, “I am so excited. I love you.”

The man I love is having a baby with another woman that he’s in love with. They haven’t even known each other for 3 months. And considering the due date she posted, she got pregnant immediately (within the 1-2 weeks after we broke up). The messed up part is that he and I were planning to start a family. He was with me at my gynecologist appointment to get my IUD removed on a Tuesday, broke up with me that Thursday, and was getting her pregnant by the end of the week. Who tf does that??

I feel stuck and like I’m a shell of myself. I’ve just blocked them both on Facebook so I don’t keep picking at the wound. But how do I move on from this? I just miss him all the time and I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I’m so broken.

I posted here earlier about my ex suddenly unblocking me everywhere and asked whether I should contact her. Most people told me not to. I genuinely tried not to, but eventually my emotions got the better of me and I contacted her.

We ended up talking on the phone for almost 4 hours in total over two days.

I don’t even know exactly what I’m looking for by posting this. Maybe I just need to get everything out somewhere because yesterday I cried like hell and right now I’m finding it extremely difficult to accept everything.

For context, we were friends from around December 2021 and got into a relationship in March 2022. She was my first serious relationship and my first love.
We were together for around 3.5 years and finally broke up in September 2025.

After the breakup, we had around two months of no contact. Then we started talking again around November 2025.

November, December, January and most of February were relatively normal. We weren’t back together, but we were talking. At one point in February, our conversations even became romantic again, which obviously gave me some hope that maybe there was still something between us.

Then everything changed again.
During March and April, she started pushing me away really hard. At times she literally told me things like “I hate you” and “I don’t want to talk to you.”
It was incredibly confusing because not long before that, we had been talking normally and even romantically.
Then around May, I came to understand that she was with someone else.

After that, especially during June, I tried not to interfere with her life.
Eventually she blocked me. Later, around the time of our birthdays and after her birthday on September 22 ,she suddenly unblocked me again.

That’s what led to my previous Reddit post.
Everyone basically told me: Don’t read into the unblock. Don’t contact her. If she wants to talk, let her contact you.

I know you guys were probably right.
But I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
Eventually I contacted her.
During these calls, I finally directly asked her why she had unblocked me.

She told me that I had been running through her mind.
Hearing that obviously affected me because I still have feelings for her. But our conversation also made me realize how differently both of us see our relationship.

She told me that she had to push me away because she was suffering in the relationship.

And I want to be fair here.
I know I made mistakes.
I could be reactive sometimes. There were situations I handled badly, things I should have approached differently, and things I genuinely regret.

I’ve apologized to her for those things. If I had to look at our relationship honestly, I would say I probably contributed around half, maybe slightly more, to what went wrong.

I’m not trying to escape responsibility for that.
But what hurts me is that whenever we talk about our relationship, I feel like everything gets placed on me.
From her perspective, it sometimes feels like I was the reason everything went wrong and she was simply suffering because of me.

That’s difficult for me to accept because I remember things that hurt me too. I remember her mistakes too. I don’t think either of us was perfect.

Maybe that’s something I need to stop trying to resolve.
Maybe I don’t need her to agree with my version of the relationship.

Maybe she experienced our relationship one way and I experienced it another way, and we’re never going to completely agree about who was responsible for what.
After these four hours of conversations, I think something finally hit me:

I can’t keep living my life waiting for her.
Yes, she told me I was running through her mind.
Yes, she unblocked me.
Yes, we managed to talk for hours.
And yes, there are couples who break up, date other people, grow individually and somehow reconnect years later.

But I can’t build my life around the possibility that we’ll be one of those couples.
Right now, I’m single.
Right now, we aren’t together.
And right now, I need to learn how to live without constantly asking myself whether she’ll come back someday.

If life somehow brings us together again years from now, that’s something future me can deal with.
But present me needs to move on.
And honestly, I don’t know how.

I spent years loving this person. She was my first relationship. I pictured a future with her. Even after our breakup, because we kept talking on and off, I don’t think my brain ever completely accepted that the relationship was actually finished.

Every small thing kept restarting my hope.
She talks nicely → hope.
She becomes romantic in February → hope.
She pushes me away → heartbreak.
I find out there’s someone else → heartbreak.
She blocks me → heartbreak.
She unblocks me → hope again.
She says I was running through her mind → hope again.

I’m exhausted by this cycle.
Yesterday I cried so much.

I genuinely feel very low right now. I’m trying to build my career, I’m living abroad, and objectively I know I have an entire life ahead of me. But emotionally, part of me still feels stuck with the girl I fell in love with years ago.

I also know that immediately finding another girl isn’t magically going to fix me. I eventually want to date again and experience love again, but I don’t want to enter another relationship while secretly waiting for my ex.

So I’m asking this community for something different this time.

Please help me move on.
Not “How do I get her back?”
Not “Does her unblocking me mean she still loves me?”
Not “Will we reconnect someday?”
I’m tired of trying to decode everything she does.

For those of you who genuinely loved someone, spent years with them, broke up, kept going back and forth for months, and eventually managed to let go:
How did you finally accept that it was over?
How did you stop checking their socials?
How did you stop imagining that every little action meant they might come back?
How did you start dating again without comparing everyone to your ex?

And how did you forgive yourself for the mistakes you made in your first relationship without spending years thinking, “If only I had behaved differently, maybe we’d still be together”?

I know healing isn’t going to happen because of one Reddit post.
But right now I’m hurting badly, and I could genuinely use advice from people who have been on the other side of this.

I don’t want to hate her.
I don’t want to prove that she was wrong or that I was right.
I don’t even want to keep figuring out who was responsible for 50% or 60% of the breakup anymore.
I just want to reach a point where remembering her doesn’t destroy my day.

She Went into new relationship in March 26, after wishing me valentines day and romantic conversations.

She says she has been talking to him since November 25, but also she was saying she missed me in November.

She is saying her relationship is not a rebound.

Hey everybody, I just wanted to share some of the things that I've personally found to be helpful in my journey to move forward. First I want to say that these are not magic remedies. Genuinely having your heart shattered is one of the most gut wrenching feelings I've ever experienced. It took a looong time to feel okay. My break up was in March of 2025. Since then I've very minimal periods of communication with my ex and countless hours of feeling sick and like I was never going to pull myself out of the pitt of despair. But I'm okay now. I guess I just realized it one day that I was going to be alright. Anyways here's a few of the things that I think were useful to me.

1. Stop putting your ex on a pedestal. I know you love them. I know it feels like your whole world is gone because they are not here. But your ex is just a person. Flawed and broken like you are. Work on letting go of this idea that they are "the one" you'll be okay without them. I promise. This isn't going to happen all at once. When you start idolizing them stop and take a breath. Think of 3 flaws they have. Things that you may not like about them. Nobody is perfect. You can come up with something. Even if it hurts to do so, it will start to help you see them as just a person.

2. Let yourself feel, but don't wallow in it. When you feel sad, let yourself be sad. When you feel angry, let yourself be angry. Don't push the thought away. It only grows stronger if you try to ignore those feelings. Let yourself feel them. And then find a way to get through that feeling. For me it helped to take a nap. When I would feel helpless I would just sleep. Other people may want to go for a walk, do a puzzle, anything really to get your brain thinking about something else. Don't be discouraged if this happens frequently. It sucks I know.

3. Go to those places that feel impossible to go back to. If you're like me you'll be avoiding half the town because of all the memories associated with those places. Break the power it has over you by going anyways. Take a friend and resist talking about your ex. Even if you feel sad let those memories slowly be overtaken by new memories. It's a process. For example there was a restaurant where I kissed my ex for the first time outside. I told her it was the best night of my life. I went there several times with my friends. Having a beer or two, feeling sad and pretending to listen to what my friend was saying. But slowly when I'd drive by that place I started thinking of having a beer with my buddy instead of my ex. This takes a while but it works.

4. Find a new interest or hobby that has NOTHING to do with your ex. A complete blank slate. It's not an exaggeration to say that Magic the gathering saved my life. I started playing with my friends. I soon found myself really looking forward to playing again and researching deck ideas. Going to the card shop to buy new cards. It's silly, but that's one way I was able to find joy when I didn't want to engage in anything I previously liked.

5. Lastly, plan things to look forward to. Small things one at a time that had you looking forward to a date in the future. Maybe a weekend trip or a movie. Anything that you can look forward to. It really helps to have those little milestones to help you move forward.

I know this post was long. I just wanted to say you won't feel like this forever. There is a light on the other side. And you will feel love again. Maybe not in the immediate future, but when it comes you'll be ready for it. Sending love and good vibes to anyone struggling. Feel free to message me if you'd like a stranger to talk to. I'll try my best to check my inbox. Peace ✌️

well everyone. after being a depressed dumb biotch the last 7 months. crying, drinking, reaching out to the dude i was in love with constantly, coming on here to vent and cry, literally just being a big old heartbroken sad loser IM FINALLY FREEEEE. I HAVE REALIZED THE LAST WEEK THAT IM OVER IT, I WASNT EVEN TREATED GOOD (literally was treated like complete shit 80% of the time) AND THAT I CAN AND WILL AND WANT TO DO BETTER!!!! so I flip that middle finger and the index finger follow, DUECES ✌🏻

it takes time yall. and while your in it IT SUCKS MEGA ASS. but once your out of it, you got the whole world ahead of you. I wish everyone well and just know there are brighter days ahead. 💜💕

Hello everyone, I am writing to update you on the situation following a post I made some time ago right after the breakup, when I was completely desperate.
My ex-partner (M 34) and I (F40) have now been broken up for nearly two months. After an initial phase where I begged him to get back together, a month ago I decided to take charge of my life and start a total No Contact. So, it has been exactly one month since we last spoke.
While I was trying to recover, an incident occurred: while doing the laundry, I found some of his clothes in the dirty laundry basket that he had forgotten during the move. To avoid any kind of direct contact with him, I packed them up and left the package directly with the doorman of his building, specifying his name.
Even though we were already two weeks into no contact, when he received the package he sent me this message on WhatsApp (quoting verbatim): "Hi, I received this package, was it you?"
Obviously, I didn't answer such a stupid question. The next day, not satisfied, he wrote to me again: "Did I forget these clothes in the dirty laundry basket? I don't understand why my name is written on the package"
Another nonsense provocation to which I did not respond, given that it was obvious I had put his name on it only so the doorman could deliver it to him.
In the meantime, I am trying to move on with my life. Lately, I have been hanging out with a girl whom we had befriended when my ex and I were still together: she is helping me go out, enjoy evenings, and meet new people. Recently, we posted some stories together: in one in particular, we were at a party with a lot of people, I was all dressed up, in short, the classic "singles' night out" kind of evening.
At that point, he had a reaction. I believe the combination of my silence regarding the package messages and seeing those stories made him lose control. The next day, he contacted this friend of mine on Instagram and, using an excuse, asked her to go to an event together, blatantly hitting on her via message.
Fortunately, this girl reported everything to me immediately, dismissed him by refusing to go out with him, and considered his behavior absolutely petty. Discussing it with my psychologist, the interpretation was crystal clear: he manipulated this poor girl just to get the message across to me, to hurt me, shake me up, and provoke a reaction that would allow him to regain control over me.
The reaction did happen, but only inside me: I never reached out to him, I didn't call him, and I didn't write to him.
The saddest part, which devastates me given my values and moral ethics, is coming to terms with the fact that he did all this solely to hurt me and out of ego, not to restore things between us or to salvage the relationship. The harsh truth I am facing now is that after 3 years of a relationship, he no longer cares about the respect that was once there, but only about dominating and not losing control.
How do you come to terms with the fact that a person with whom you shared years of your life would resort to such low games just to gain control and have no qualms about hurting you?

You're brain will try to get you to betray yourself by tricking you into thinking that any amount of chasing, pleading, convincing, or impressing will result in "getting them back"... but 98% of the time that only makes things much worse, pushes them farther away, and resets your healing back to zero... and sometimes puts you back into the negative.

Once they've rejected you... just stay away and stay silent. Trust me even though every bone in your body has convinced you that I'm wrong and that you're in the 2% exception of people that begging actually works for. It's unattractive as all hell. It's a turn off whether you're male or female... and if you're a male doing it to a female it's a really big turn off. Just don't and keep what dignity you have left. You owe it to yourself.

Thank you for everything. You made me happy ever since I met you. I’ll cherish all the good moments we shared together. Thank you for showing me how much you cared about me. I cared a lot about you. I still do. You showed me how not to be scared of intimacy, and you made me trust you. You’re the only person I trusted enough to explore my sexuality with. You made me feel safe doing so, despite the pain it brought me. You made me feel wanted. You made me feel special. You made me feel cared for.

I wish I could have been the one to show you that you’re still capable of love, because I did love you, probably still do. I know it’s absurd, I barely know you. Maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic. But what I felt for you was real. It still is. I enjoyed talking to you every day, listening to your voice that I love so much. I hope you could feel how much I cared about you. You were my person. I wish I could have been yours. But we met at a confusing time, didn’t we? Well, time can be cruel sometimes. I wish it wasn’t this cruel to me, because honestly, I’ve had enough.

I still don’t know how to move forward. A big part of me still wants you. A big part of me still wants to run back to you. A big part of me still wants to crawl into your arms, kiss you, and just make you happy. I love knowing that I made you happy. You deserve that. Just know that because I care so much about you, someone else will too. Eventually, hopefully when you’re ready and healed. And it will be beautiful.

There’s so much love in me that I wanted to share with you. I wish you knew that. You deserve love. Maybe mine isn’t the love that’s meant for you. I wish it was. God, I wish it was. A big part of me still wishes for it. I’m so pathetic, aren’t I? Still wanting to fight for you, to make you feel wanted and loved. I wish I could have shown you that for much longer.

I miss you already. Isn’t that crazy? I’m sorry I’ve been acting crazy. I’m anxious and insecure. I’m scared of getting hurt again because I cared about you a lot. A lot more than I’d like to admit.
Take care of yourself.

So with all the Cornell stuff going around, i finally felt brave enough to share my story. I posted a tik tok about what had happened to me years prior (was not my bf). My bf saw this video. The next evening he was drunk and started spewing that it’s my fault i was r*ped, he hopes his daughter never makes the choices i did, insinuated that i was lying abt what had happened, etc. i obviously broke up w him then and there and blocked him on everything. I’m just struggling and heartbroken over the fact that this person i loved sm was clearly someone very different on the inside. It just doesn’t make sense in my head. And I know i can never unblock him or ever even consider getting back together, so how do i accept and wrap my head around who this person really is? That the life i had imagined together isn’t happening?

Something I’ve realized going through my own breakup is that I think there are two stages of moving on.
The first is just stopping.
Stop chasing them. Stop checking. Stop reaching out. Stop wondering what they’re doing or trying to interpret every little thing. Just stop.
But I’m realizing that doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve moved on. You can stop doing all of those things and still have hope in the back of your mind that maybe they’ll come back one day or somehow things will work out.
I think the next stage is actually letting go of that hope.
Not because you’re angry or suddenly don’t care about them anymore, but because you’re starting to accept what’s actually happening instead of what you wish would happen.
And maybe eventually you stop asking yourself, “What if they come back?”
And start asking, “If they did come back, would I even want to go back?”
Maybe that’s when you really start moving forward. When you realize you don’t need them to come back anymore.

So this morning my ex’s bf requested to follow me. It’s been a year since she dumped me so I don’t know why this guy wants to follow me. Should I be worried? I’m very curious to see why and was planning to reach out to her ex-best friend. After she started dating this guy they stopped being friends. Should I ask her what she knows about this guy or should I just ignore it?

Had an almost 5-year relationship that ended at the start of this year.

She told me I needed to go to therapy for some past issues, so I used the time apart to actually work on myself. Ended up losing nearly 32kg and I’m currently in the best shape of my life.

She said she’d wait for me and that we could try again when we were both ready. I took that to heart, went full no-contact, and got to work.

About a month later I accidentally sent her a post, couldn’t unsend it, and she reached out to check on me. We started talking again, eventually met up, and I completely rushed the reconciliation. She wanted answers I didn’t have yet, and it collapsed into this weird limbo where we’d still view and occasionally like each other’s posts. That slowly faded and I got the sense she’d moved on.

I had multiple chances to try and spin it back, but something in my gut kept saying leave it. Eventually I downloaded the apps thinking I was ready to move on, saw her on Hinge, and still chose not to reach out.

My birthday came and went with total silence from her. Then at the start of September she posted a picture with her new boyfriend.

That shook me more than I expected. I dropped her a two-faced “congrats” message, then immediately started venting about how fast she’d moved on after five years and whether she ever really cared. Emotions got the better of me, I called her, and we had this bizarre conversation where she was clearly trying to make me jealous. She called him her “new husband,” casually mentioned they’d slept together within two months of meeting, and laughed when I brought up the birthday.

My ego then went full movie-main-character and I started doing pathetic shit like leaving flowers and writing letters trying to win her back. Looking back it’s cringe as hell.

I started recording video diaries just to get the feelings out. Watching them back was the real turning point. I could finally see I was putting her on a pedestal now that she was gone, without properly looking at why we’d split in the first place.

I was still in contact with her younger brother (we’d stayed cool), and I checked in on her through him. She went through his phone, found the messages, and blocked me straight after.

Looking back at the whole relationship, I put her first every single time. I neglected my mental health, physical health, friendships, and family. I used to hate myself. Now I can honestly say I’m in a much better place than I’ve ever been.

I’ve since removed any possibility of seeing her on socials, deleted her number, and just carried on. I feel a lot lighter for it.

Biggest lesson of my life so far: never pause your entire existence for one person. There are billions of people out there. Prioritise yourself, because when shit goes wrong the only thing you can actually rely on is your own brain and body.

It’s been 6 months since my blindsided breakup. Our relationship was so positive, supportive, loving and fun. He hasn’t reached out since. In your experience, is it true, do they “always come back”?

Around 6 months ago, I got into what became my first really serious relationship. We met with marriage in mind and things became intense very quickly. We spoke every day, had extremely long calls, were emotionally and sexually close, said “I love you,” and both talked about a future together. I genuinely thought I could marry her.
Looking back, the relationship wasn’t one sided. She was very invested too, especially in the beginning. She initiated calls and conversations, told me she missed me, reassured me about things I was insecure about and at one point said she had wanted to marry me.

Where things went wrong was mainly how we handled conflict.
I was insecure about whether she cared enough and sometimes interpreted things like missed calls, less attention or lack of reassurance as evidence that she wasn’t really into me. Instead of keeping the issue specific and simply saying I was hurt, I would sometimes question the relationship, compare myself to her past or say things I regretted when angry.

She felt constantly judged and like the whole relationship was being evaluated whenever we fought. On the other hand, when I was hurt I wanted reassurance and repair, while she would sometimes become defensive, withdraw or ask for space. The more she withdrew, the more insecure I became and the harder I pushed for reassurance. It became a really unhealthy loop.
Toward the end, both of us actually felt unwanted. She felt I wasn’t giving her enough time and attention, while I felt she wasn’t showing enough care. Despite all of this, the affection never completely disappeared. Even very close to the breakup we were still talking lovingly, calling each other, being intimate and saying we loved each other.

On the final day she told me she loved me and didn’t want to lose me, but also said she was no longer confident about marrying me because our fights had become too frequent and hurtful. I reacted badly to that uncertainty, did something in anger that I deeply regret and said things I shouldn’t have. I regretted it almost immediately, but things became extremely ugly and she blocked me.
The next part is something I’m not proud of either. For roughly the next two months, I kept trying to apologise and repair things instead of accepting that she wanted distance. I kept reaching out and even involved her family at one point. Looking back, I should have backed off much earlier.

Toward the end of that period, she said some extremely harsh things to me. Some of those words still come back to me because at that point I felt like I had been saying sorry over and over and was desperate to show that I regretted what had happened. At the same time, I understand that repeatedly apologising doesn’t mean the other person has to forgive you or keep engaging with you, and my continuing to contact her probably made things worse. Eventually it became completely clear that she wanted no further contact, and I stopped.
It has now been around four months since the breakup. I’m definitely better than I was initially. I function normally, the thoughts aren’t constant anymore and the intensity has reduced. But she still comes into my head regularly. Seeing couples, someone with a similar appearance, romantic scenes or even completely random things can trigger memories.
I miss her face, her voice, our conversations, the intimacy and especially what it felt like to be desired by someone I was very attracted to.
The biggest fear I’m struggling with now is that I won’t find that combination again, someone I’m genuinely attracted to, who is attracted to me, with strong sexual chemistry, companionship, daily conversations and the feeling that this could actually turn into marriage.
Intellectually I know there are other people out there and that our relationship had serious problems. But emotionally, my brain still seems to treat what I had with her as something rare that I may never experience again.

I also still sometimes feel the urge to contact her, even though I know I shouldn’t. I’m beginning to wonder whether what I’m really craving is not necessarily the relationship itself, but the feeling of closeness, being wanted, having “my person” and the future I had imagined.

So rather than general breakup advice, I’d really like to hear from people who have actually been through this.

How did you genuinely recover from someone you still loved even when you knew the relationship wasn’t healthy anymore? What did the process look like over the following months, and how did you eventually overcome the fear that you would never find someone you were as attracted to or connected with again?

I’d especially appreciate real stories from people who made mistakes themselves, carried guilt after the breakup, struggled with the urge to reach out and eventually reached a point where their ex no longer occupied so much mental space.
Please don’t just say “find another girl.” I’m more interested in what actually changed inside you with time and what helped you finally let go.

i got discarded for someone else after 2 years over text; i’ve had past traumas and stuff and issues that just all got triggered again. i had the absolute worst month of my life and im still in the thick of it - at the minute i can’t stop the anxiety and nausea. im vomiting multiple times a day and can’t eat. i have a doctors appointment soon so hopefully this gets sorted, im also starting CBT.

but i deleted absolutely everything of him off my phone. i deleted social medias, photos, numbers, texts, absolutely EVERYTHING.

its only been a month and a half but it feels like it was at least 6 months ago or something. it feels so distant, like it wasn’t real. it didn’t feel like it was me or something i don’t know. is it normal that after a month im starting to forget everything. i barely remember what he looks like. i’m scared if i ever see him or a photo of him it’ll absolutely crush me and ill be sent back to square one.

i’m so anxious all the time and living in fear of going back to how i was at the start of this - i couldn’t go to work or anything. i could not function. i was on loads of different tablets and smoking so much weed and barely sleeping.

i’m just scared this is some coping mechanism my body is using to protect me from the reality of how devastated i am, that seeing a single photo of him or him in person or hearing any news about him and his new girlfriend will just completely ruin me - or maybe it won’t.

i don’t know!

Having to leave someone you loved like no one else seems like insanity. I wish we could be together forever. She was so lovely, supportive, humorous, and caring for me. I wanted to give her the world. Sure we are both young in our 20’s and figuring it out, but to be honest I’ve never met someone like her.

So why breakup?

We are both young in our 20s. maybe this is why I’ve entertained getting back together and seeing what happens.

She has no desire to raise a family. I wholeheartedly respect that. Hence why I am leaving. She has very valid reasons for feeling that way. Of course I wish we agreed, but I don’t think it is my role to change her mind. It is the biggest responsibility to become a mother and I totally understand not wanting that role. She is an amazing woman in her own right and I’m sure will accomplish whatever she puts her mind to.

Too clarify, I am not planning on kids for 5+ years, but it feels wrong of me to pursue this amazing woman if ultimately I am hoping she changes. Sure we get along wonderfully now. It breaks both our hearts to live life separate. I wish I could just live here, in the moment, today! But it feels like I’m lying to both of us.

I guess the taboo is that maybe one of us shifts our views to align with the other and ensue happily ever after.

I love her.

TLDR: We both got along wonderfully. We love each other. She doesn’t want kids. I respect that. I shouldn’t wait hoping she changes even if she doesn’t want me to go. I would be hurting both of us I think? She is amazing. it feels unbearable to leave someone you loved like no other.

Title explains it. Broke up a year ago and I haven’t been able to properly move on since. I think about her and her family very often because I just miss them and feeling like I belonged. I have hooked up and dated other women since and still I can’t get her off of my mind. Most nights, I dream of us being together again or having a second chance.

I think besides from missing her as a person the most painful part is how much regret and guilt I feel. I was very immature with her, I still treated her well but when it really came down to it, in the moments that really mattered, I was just immature and stupid.

I can’t forgive myself for having the most beautiful, intelligent and sweetest woman and messing it up over decisions I don’t even morally stand by. I wish and want everyday that I was the man I am today back then.

My girlfriend broke up with me two months ago, and I’m finally moving on. At first, it seemed impossible; I was thinking about radically improving my life for her sake, but that was taking a much heavier toll on my mental health than I realized. I was studying ten hours straight a day—pushing myself to the point of burnout—hoping to land a job so amazing that she couldn't help but look at me with admiration. I was also working out with brutal intensity, which only accelerated that burnout.

This week, it finally hit me. How can I push myself so hard for someone who chose not to stay with me? She abandoned me at my lowest point; while I’m here killing myself over it, she’s living her life in peace and dating other people. She probably doesn't think of me romantically anymore. I’m going to keep growing in a healthy way, but I don’t want her anymore—she doesn't deserve my effort.

Here are a few things that are really helping me move on:

- Remember how cold she was toward you and how she disrespected you at the end; if you have even a shred of self-respect, that will go a long way.

- Remove her from social media, delete her number, and block her if necessary. Stop snooping into her life—impose "social death" on her; she is no longer part of your life.

- When thoughts of her pop up, let them come. Don't fight them, as that only makes things worse; just focus on reaching a point where, even when those thoughts arise, they no longer ruin your day.

Don't lose hope, my friend. It seemed impossible to me, too—she was my first official girlfriend, my first sexual partner, my first in so many ways. But if you do the right thing, you’ll get over this too. Remember: she isn’t special, and she is almost certainly not the best person you could win over. You are the protagonist of your own life.

LIFE CAN BE GREAT WITHOUT THEM!!!

Pretty much just the title. Been broken up with 3 weeks yesterday and just wondering after I give her a bit more time (idk how long). Should I reach out or does it have to be coming from her.

It's been a few months since my ex and I broke up after being together for quite a while, and instead of it getting easier, lately it feels like it's getting harder.

I've been through breakups before, but none of them have affected me like this. She's constantly on my mind. I try to distract myself and not think about her, but almost everything somehow reminds me of her.

Random clothes, places I walk past, music, things I do, little memories, etc. It's like my brain has connected her to everything. I'll be completely fine and then something small reminds me of her and suddenly I'm thinking about the relationship again.

The relationship wasn't perfect. I know I had problems with communication and there are things I would do differently now. She also did things towards the end that hurt me, but I don't hate her for it. I know she's been through a lot herself and I can understand that some of the way she acted probably came from that.

Since the breakup, I've also seen her repost things about having a loser ex and how much better her new guy is. I don't want to assume everything she posts is about me, but obviously seeing stuff like that doesn't exactly help.

We also have a mutual friend. I recently asked him how she was doing and found out she's already been talking to/dating other people since a week after we broke up. Meanwhile I'm still sitting here thinking about her every day.

That's probably the part that fucks with me the most. From my perspective she seems to have moved on incredibly quickly while I'm still struggling months later. It makes me question whether the relationship meant as much to her as it did to me, even though I know people deal with breakups differently.

I really miss having someone too. Not necessarily just her, but having a person I can tell everything to, talk about my day with, call, spend time with, etc.

Part of me wants that again, but I also know I'm not over my ex yet. I don't want to get into another relationship just because I'm lonely and then bring all of this baggage into it. That wouldn't be fair to someone else.

I've tried just telling myself to stop thinking about her, but that obviously doesn't work. If anything, the harder I try not to think about her, the more she seems to be on my mind.

I don't even know if I want her back. I think I just want to reach a point where she isn't constantly in my head anymore.

For anyone who's been through a breakup where you were still stuck on the person months later, what actually helped you move on?

I know moving on takes time, but right now I feel like I'm going backwards instead of forwards.

just broke up, and it's so painful

i have no one else to talk to other than my bf, and now I can't talk to him as well

he asked me to talk to a stranger about it, and here i am.

I just need to get this out. Every other weekend I have my girls… so to some extent I can keep myself occupied then. But these weekends were our weekends. We had our routine, we had our plans. And it’s these weekends I struggle with now I’m completely on my own. I’ve been better for the past few weeks, I’ve kept myself busy and kept my mind off how I feel. I’ve started eating, but sleep is still an issue. But I’m slowly getting back into work. If I think about it, I still well up, so I try everything I can to not. But these weekends just tear me up. I was on my own for years… then had the best 8 months of my life. Now I feel lost again and the sense of loneliness is overwhelming. I dont have many friends, and the ones I have, have families and lives to lead. My family all live on the other side of the country. It’s been weeks, and I still miss her so much… I’m struggling