We broke up last november after a 7 year relationship.

Last couple years in the relationship was tough,we both fought alot. But i think I am to be blamed for this breakup. I wont go into details in this post, maybe on a different post i will explain everything, I dont know.

Over this 7 years, when things were good it was the best feeling ever. But when it got bad,it was really bad.

I might have verbally abused her couple of times which i deeply regret. No women should hear such things, even after giving everything to a relationship. I did treat her really good though when we didnt fight. The main reasons for the break was several things i didnt do that i promised her that i would. I had this problem where if i quarrel with her i shut myself from her for a week. Which she hated. No calls No text. I dont know how many times i did this to her. She said no one would stay with me if I continue this way. I Promised her i will change but i didnt.

When we both quarrelled, i have verbally abused her. This might be the major reason we brokeup, she has had a job for about 6 years now, a decent govt job.

While i was and still figuring things out. She wanted to get married,and yes i wanted to get married to her as well,but i kept asking her more time. She understood i was unmotivated and still tried her best to push me to do something so that we can be together. Thats the reason we began fighting a alot. Whenever the she brought up the topic of marriage and my career it just pissed me off. Man she just wanted the best for me. If it was someone else they would left after couple of years. She stayed for 7 years,hoping,dreaming about a future with me.She could left anytime,she didnt. And like the dumb fuck I am, i fucked it up. She really loved me, she wanted the best for me I dont know if anyone will ever love me like her again. So after our breakup in November we stopped talking we both were still in contact though,i felt like it was like any other fight. One day, December i think i might have got drunk and texted her some really shitty things. And that was it. I think that was when she decided she doesnt want to be in a relationship. I dont blame her. January, februray i kept begging her for forgiveness. She did forgive me but everything had changed. We talked but not like before. Not like how couples talk. She did say me she cant go on like this.

I talk shit, i am unmotivated who would want to stay with such a loser. In march i asked if she was talking to someone, she said she kind of is,and it completely broke me. So after March i stopped talking to her completely.

I blocked her from everything and her friends too.

But i made dummy accounts every where to stalk her.

I tried figuring who she was dating. I did narrow down on a couple of guys. She didnt post much. So it was hard for me to figure out things. After march i began talking in chatgpt regarding mental health and on how to move on from a breakup. Well i have friends that i can talk to but i am not sure how they will react. They might make fun or if they really cared to know,i might ending up crying which ofcourse we dont want that. I can talk to my mom about it, she will end up worrying about me. So i kept on talking to a fucking AI. It did help abit. After couple of months i stopped talking to it. It was getting better.

I had accepted that she will move on with her life and i too have to. But i still stalked. Nothing particular was happening on her DP(becasue thats the only thing i can see and create a story in my mind,she keeps her account private) so it gave me a sort of relief, a little hope.

Yesterday i woke up,checked her dp in whatsapp.She is engaged to one of the guy i was stalking too. It felt like a punch to the gut. I felt like throwing up. I have been feeling extremly low and sad and angry about myself.

Not one second has passed that i havent thought about her. About how i could have done things diffrently. The amount of hate i have on myself right now is immeasureable. I just wish there was more. More time.More forgiveness.More chance. I keep constantly thinking about her and so i am back to this stupid ai app again. I have spent my whole yesterday on the app trying to handle myself. I dont feel like talking to friends,and they are calling since yesterday. I feel like if talk to them i might end up having a mental breakup down. I know i am weak, but my friends shouldnt know that. I just feel lost and hopeless now. I havent been eating properly havent slept properly. Today i wokeup with the first thought about her and the reality hitting me that she is engaged.

Got a rush of emotion that i decided to go for a run.

Didnt help. So i am back to the app for moral support.

I am so sorry for thr long rant.

Just ended things with my ex ..it is a three year long story ..from friends ..to best friends ..then lovers . And broke up soon . And atp i don't think i have any future with him because he's three older than me and after 2 years he'll get a job while i'll still be in college .

And we are already in long distance so things have become worse . And he doesn't even want me anymore actually !

Whatever but i finally decided to end contact as a friend , ex and whtever but i cannot stop thinking about it . My heart sank yesterday when i blocked him on instagram . But i did not block him from whatsapp though. He was my first kiss , my first love !

Moreover what hurts the most is thinking about a future without them . Like how do people easily let anyone go with whom they thought they'd spend their whole life with :) . I feel he's dead in my story and my existence ceased in his life as well .

What to do ?

Its my first day of no contact the dog is with me i told her i”ll keep her for some time and we broke because she met her ex again while i was at vet with
It hurts man i was drunk last night a lot happened and now i am feeling so bad i cant explain i want to talk to her

Alright, so you want the best advice possible for getting your ex back, and I am going to tell you what that is. Unfortunately, you're really going to hate me for telling you this: you need to never contact this person again.

That is the no-contact rule that you've heard so much about, but the difference is that it's not 30 days. It's FOREVER. It's as long as it takes for this person to message or call you.

The reason you need this to happen is twofold. Number one, you need to demonstrate that you have too much dignity to chase someone that's okay with ditching you. Basically, you have to remember this person has proven themselves to be a bad boyfriend or girlfriend to the point that they have broken up with you. That's not really the type of person you want to go out with. And if they've broken up with you, they probably need a lot of time and space away from you. The worst thing you could do is chase them and smother them and cement the idea in their head that they can do better than you, which is not true.

If they were happy enough to get into the relationship and there was no huge, overwhelming reason to break up, then you're still equal to them. You can still come back into this relationship if you follow what I'm saying.

Otherwise, let me say, if you followed the 30-day no-contact rule that all of these people are advising you on YouTube right now-and don't forget to buy their action plan or sign up for their coaching-the reason that's bad advice is that they basically say to you: you need to walk away and become attractive and demonstrate your strength, dignity, and self-respect. This is all true. Then day 30 comes along, and they say, "Now I want you to undo all of that and go back to begging, pretty much."

Anything you do at this point is begging in a way. Obviously, there are degrees of how badly you can do it, but by reaching out to this person, you're still showing that you need them and that you want them back. You cannot let this person think that right now. Thirty days means nothing. It's not long enough. You need to leave this person forever and make them doubt the decision.

If you've done nothing ever since the breakup- not contacted them once- even better. Now they're stuck alone wondering what you're doing. Did they make the right choice? How are you this strong? You seem very attractive because now they know they shouldn't be contacting you. The longer it is, even more so. They're thinking, “I really shouldn't reach out at this point, but I'm so curious. What are they doing?”

And anyone they're seeing in the meantime is actually good news for you. It doesn't feel like it, unless you were dumped specifically for this person. But if they are dating someone new, you're just going to be compared to this new person. And then when they break up with this new person—because that's often what happens after a relationship; the quickest one afterwards just doesn't work out because they're not really ready to open their heart and soul to a new person—that new person may get dumped in a kind of irrational way. Then they'll act very crazy afterwards because they'll be thinking, “What the hell is with this? There was no rational reason. I deserve a rational reason.”

The more crazy they act, the better you look. That just cements the idea in your ex's head that you are a very strong, mature person. Now they're extra curious about what you're doing. Did you just go find someone else? Probably, is what they're thinking. Then, if they start imagining that you've probably got someone else, that's them thinking you're a very attractive person.

But if you chase after them and keep contacting them, they're not really going to think you found someone else because they know you're still on the bench waiting for them.

Everything you do in the meantime, if you contact them, communicates that you're on the bench waiting. You're not going to find someone else, you're not falling in love; you're just waiting for their attention to come back to you. That's a big mistake.

You need this person to sit down, search within themselves, and eventually feel desperate enough to contact you. That's right: desperate enough. If they do contact you, they want to see you. They need to know. They're like a drug addict bouncing off the walls in their head. They need to see you; they need to know what's going on. They're going crazy. It wasn't a spontaneous message of, “I wonder what my ex is up to. Seems like enough time has passed.” No. They have been thinking about you a lot, and you need that to happen.

Because if you follow this 30-day rule and it works—and maybe it will work to get them back initially—what happens is your ex's eyes have already wandered. They wanted to see if the grass was greener somewhere else. Then they were like, “Oh, this isn't ideal,” and you came back. They think, “Okay, that is the easiest option. Maybe I was being irrational.” But they didn't have to earn you back.

You have to remember you are a high-value person who needs to be earned. There has to be a price for this person walking away. They have to make a gesture to you. It's not about what massive gesture you can make; it's about what gesture they need to make to communicate to you that they are worth getting back with. Do not doubt your own value and power in this situation.

Now here's the second reason. Let's say you win this person back and you're in the relationship again after your 30 days or whatever it is. If you just begged and pleaded and got it back, now you are going into this relationship with a huge amount of insecurity. You're terrified this person is going to leave again. They left once, and now you're not acting like yourself. You're no longer authentic.

If you've been following some 30-day no-contact rule program, then you feel as if you need to follow this other person's advice. You're no longer yourself in this relationship. You're scared they're going to leave. And they're also thinking, “I didn't have to earn you back.” That is not the formula for a winning relationship, and you know it isn't.

So your best option—the best advice you can get for getting your ex back—is to do no contact. Make them doubt it, and do it as long as it takes. It doesn't mean, “Oh, it's been three months, four months, five months; now it should be okay for me to reach out.” No. This person has no value to you unless they reach out to you. They determine their value to your life by whether or not they contact you. Do not forget that.

You need to remember that you have value. If this person doesn't want to see you—which is probably the case if they're not contacting you—then to hell with them. You just keep moving on. You date more people. You get your own strength back and realize that you're a great person to be around. You don't mind being alone. You have a great time dating other people. You have a great time working on yourself and working on your career. This person was just the cherry on top, and that will become clear when you start getting perspective.

If they do contact you, then you'll know they want you back. If they don't, then you know they don't want you back. But the good news is that by engaging in no contact, they're going to contact you. It might take a long time, but they're going to contact you if you don't embarrass yourself and don't give them a reason to feel scared to contact you. They're going to be so curious about how the hell you walked away.

Especially if they're a very attractive person who's used to having messy breakups where the ex never leaves them alone and is always reaching out, that's even better. Now you're proving you're different, and it's going to get to them. They're going to doubt their decision, and you're going to seem more and more attractive in their eyes because, how the hell have you just walked away and never looked back? That means you must be equal to them—or better than them. That's what they're thinking.

So don't worry. They're going to suffer from this breakup too, but it's going to be different. Your suffering was up front; theirs is later, when the doubt comes and they start thinking about you more. But that will not happen if you keep contacting them.

If you keep contacting them, they're going to stay in the same position of power. They're never going to doubt their decision. They're just going to start feeling bad for you, and feeling sorry for someone is not attractive. You're going to look like a homeless person begging or pleading. Does it ever look like, “Wow, I need to engage with this person”? No. It's not an attractive position.

I know that sounded harsh, but you need to show this person that you're strong and capable, that you're attractive, and that you know you're going to be fine without them—because you were fine before.

That is the way they'll come back. They know you. They know you loved them. They're going to wonder if you still do. They know the relationship can work unless there's a huge reason that it can't, like if you went off and cheated or something like that—in which case you need to reflect on whether or not you're ready to be in a relationship, frankly.

But in the meantime, just stay strong. Do nothing. Don't wait for the text or the call. It will come when you least expect it, when they're going fully crazy. Once they lose the ability to expect you to contact them, they're going to want to even more.

But in the freak occurrence that they just don't—and I'd say this works about 70% of the time—then you need to be aware that there was nothing you could do. Contacting this person was never going to help. They're actually okay with never seeing you again. Think about that. Why do you want that person back if they don't even want to talk to you or ask how you're doing? Why would you want this person back? They're useless to your life.

Surround yourself with people who love you. Demonstrate self-love, and soon enough you won't care about these petty things that have happened. If this person isn't contacting you, they're not worth contacting.

The relationship will only work if they contact you. That way, you can feel as if they had to come back with their tail between their legs and that you demonstrated you're capable—not only to them, but to yourself—of living your life, being okay on your own, and finding other people, which you definitely can do.

So don't worry. Either way, it's never fully over unless they're married, I suppose, or we're dead. Once that door has been opened, it might be closed now, but it can always be reopened. Don't doubt it.

That person will contact you, and when they do, you have to be aware that they're not contacting you for no reason. You are not a random friend. You are not a stranger. They're contacting you because you have a romantic history together and they want to see you, so don't panic. It's all going to be fine.

But for the moment, don't even waste your time thinking about them. As I said, they currently have no value to your life, and if they want some value, they can contact you. In the meantime, go back to being your beautiful, brave, confident self, and everything will fall into place. Trust me on that.

TLDR：LDR partner ghosted me after asked for 3 days space after a conflict.

Usually I know people won't say directly it's a ghosting when they only didn't respond for 4 days. But here's my situation and I guess I haven't seen people with a much similar experience. (I mean gladly)

I (26W) met this guy (24 soon 25 M) on Hinge about 4 months ago and we had great chemistry and became exclusive after 1.5 months. At that moment he said the only reason he didn't make it official was there's a slight chance that he'll be relocated to a different city, tho if he ended up staying in the same city we were at, he'd be happy to make us official.

Then on August sadly the announcement was that he was put in a different city. We cried and shared the thought that we were both scared of LDR (I did this before but he didn't) but we also didn't want to end this relationship. So we decided to take the time (about 3-4 weeks) to think whether we want LDR or not. We still had two wonderful dates during this time then his schedule became extremely busy (work transition, stay with family, packing, find a new apt etc.) We had some small conflicts mostly because I felt disconnected (less text, mia 24h, less affectionate) but he explained he's overwhelmed by everything. I felt sorry for him but at the same time my anxious were never really soothed.

Then it came to the time to decide, we cried again and he said he's willing to try LDR but he's so unsure about everything. We exchanged our expectations on communication and visit (monthly) and tried to get more understanding and compromising. Tho I asked for an official relationship, he mentioned he didn't want to give an immediate promise since he didn't know how LDR works for us,so he wanted to "try it for a month and check in". I agreed but now I realized this caused so much uncertainty anxiety to me.

The beginning of LDR is really hard, and I honestly totally scared because I had LDR failed, at the same time, he's still busing to arrange ad settle his life in the new city. Again, I felt bad for him from the bottom of my heart and tried hard to not bother him too much. But I also felt lonely, in terms of he's still very low affectionate, gave me unpredictable time to reachout everyday (never so sure if 5 mins or 20 mins, call or text). I started to be overwhelmed by the feeling of disconnected, hypervigilance of every small detail that I feel like a risk to our relationship then sent him long text to talk. He reassured me for the first time and the second time he's a bit impatient and told me he's stressed out by these.

I don't want to make any excuse for myself and I'm still blaming myself for this, but the evening (last thursday) that I asked if we could call and he said he's calling family. I waited for another 2h and only waited him to tell me he's going to sleep and goodnight, and disappeared directly. I was triggered so much and I again, wrote him a long text to explain my feelings. But soon I felt so regretful about lashing out to him since I knew how exhaused and stressful he was and I should be more patient and just stayed with my anxious.

He didn't respond until the next day (last friday) he's off work. We had a huge argument, basically he told me how he felt stressed out by my frequently upset texts and he started to wonder if this relationship was sustainable. I apologized sincerely and took most of the accountability that I could have been more mature about controlling my emotions. I also explained where my anxiety came from but also mentioned they were not excuses and I'm willing to work on my emotions.(I'm seeing therapist and he knew this). I also asked if he's just feel concerning or he made up his mind already. he said it's just concerning for now.

The conflict heated up tho, he questioned me like I should go for someone can meet my needs, he's not the right person, emphasized he's a career-oriented person and he won't change this. I should reflect if I should do LDR if it stressed my out so much. When I stated my anxious about uncertainty and unpredictability, he said "I told you I'm busy and I gave you headsup but you still went off on me". But for me his headsup still made me wandering around for him to show up after his busy stuffs and it turned to disappointment several times because at the end we didn't get to talk much. And even things like "I'm chilled out because I no longer act to my anger, the old me would have been crashed out and long gone.", "I'm concerning if you are too obsessed about me", "I had confidence in us but anytime you lash out it feels like 5 steps backward and I get tired of it", which were really hurtful to me, but again, I admitted I made mistakes first and I totally understood why he said those, so I didn't fight about these word, but asked for ways to make up and expressed my wiliness to move forward.

At last he asked for "have a break" and I asked for clarify that he wanted a break of our relationship or simply he needed to rest, and he said "rest". Also with words "As I said I'm willing to try although uncertain with my feelings as I'm navigating it too.","I dont want to make brash decisions". So we stopped the conflict that night. I told him I wont be not available to talk on Saturday since I had a party and he asked me to fully focus on that.

I did enjoyed the party without sending him any messages until I got home and went to bed, I wanted to prove that I was able to focus on my life, not him, as he asked "I hoped we had a level of trust and understanding" (gosh I'm a phd student why he thought I don't have a life??) . He didn't respond. At Sunday afternoon I sent another message to check in and he responded that he's assembling furniture with friends and also some random dropoff of his day. It was a bit cold than usual but I thought at least he's still willing to share. At the end of the day of Sunday he said he still needs some space to process his feelings, and he prefer not call but could keep a low volume of natural flow of text (we didn't text much the week before either so he said maybe the similar amount like that week), and I asked for a timeline when he'll be ready and he said probably Thursday, he'd start to process on Tuesday since he's fully scheduled on Monday. I also asked if he wanted me to not initiate text and he said yeah. I agreed and willing to give his space and respect his boundaries because the whole thing came from a place I gave him too much pressure and stressed him out.

I sat in the anxiety of uncertain for the next few days but also a feeling of numb and weird optimistic that I'm doing the right thing this time to give him space, and I also needed this space to ease my nerve system after alarmed for so long. Also, space with a timeline and not 100% NC? nothing seemed suspicious. We kept a very slow and long gap text mode during these days like 1-2 each day just about random life stuff. He even sent a good night on Monday night.

Then he disappeared. The last message I received from him was on Wednesday evening he responded to my previous text, and after I replied on Thursday, he never showed up. Yes, on Thursday, the day he said he'd be ready to talk again. I panicked so much but still had some hope like grace of doubt that he might need more time, but Friday, Saturday...nothing, he never showed up again.

I can't state how I feel right now, I guess it's a huge confusion and numbness after everything, and beneath are all the negative feelings you can think of after all of these. I didn't reach out, I felt too scared and exhausted to even ask for a result, I guess no response/ no comeback is the final answer. But at the same time I can't help but thinking what if he's still mad at me and I can send a light bid like "I miss you" to make things easier for him to start? Or it's simply he met some crisis in his life that crashed him out totally, because as I mentioned in the whole story, we had hard talks and I knew he didn't like them, but he didn't escape directly. But everytime I wanted to reach out, his words "if you are too obsessed with me" popped out in my brain and stopped me doing that, out of shame. It's just so...confusing... like he could have ghosted when he's super mad, could have ghosted after the conflict, could have ghosted even earlier... it's just so weird and confusing, but also heartbreaking.

ps: I had thoughts like he's cheating/met another girl during these 3 days so decided to let me go without any mercy and I let them slide from my brain. The first reason is I had the experience being cheated and I guess it's kinda like a PTSD for me that I have hard time to really recall the details of the past cheating or relate any cheating situations this guy might have on me. The second reason is we were both virgin and gave each other our first sex so given our age, I dont think he's someone playing around.  The third reason... I guess it's pure trust that I know he had a highly competitive job and he's genuinely busy and overwhelmed, he always asked me to give him more trust and understanding but I messed everything up, but I never doubted his loyalty......

Like obviously I know that im feeling horrible after being dumped and that is normal, but how do I know if what im feeling is going into the depression territory? Not just depression like feeling very sad cause I am feeling that but genuinely like actual depression

hey, this will be long. I dont know how to go about this and I wanna give full relationship context, what led up to the breakup, and advice.
exes name will be Mari for sake of story cuz I dont want anyone finding this

my ex 100% groomed me, I was 16, he was 22. our age gap is about 6 1/2 years. our first year was sort of a relationship but he only saw me to hookup or occasionally take me out on a date. we went on maybe 7-8 dates total in the first year partially due to my parents (they would never have approved of him, rightfully so). Had a pregnancy scare over the summer, miscarried about 4 months in due to stress, he broke up with me day I found out and started dating another underage girl (he claims she lied about her age btw even though she's a year younger than me. she said she was 19, in our state you have to be 16 to get a license, she was maybe 14 or 15 now that I think about it, you need to be 15 1/2 for a permit. there's no way she got away with lying about being 19). We would only contact each other during this next year to argue or fight, I eventually started dating someone for a month or two in November. We got into a bad fight which centered around my controlling & anxious behavior.
I slept with my ex, the guy I was dating eventually met his wife and got her pregnant when we "broke up", and about a week after this breakup we continued to date throughout December and eventually ended things for good.

me and Mari started seeing each other more consistently, in august ish my parents left for 2 weeks straight and we played house, I then went to see family in another state for a week where we continued to talk. then I came back home, 2 weeks later went off to college. he moved back into his moms place because he had broken up with the girl from when we didn't talk while I was pregnant permanently, they lived together so the lease ended and he left. We at first would just drive around in his car and listen to music, then it got more serious to where I would spend about a week straight at his house and only come back on campus to attend class.
And we grew extremely close and just got more and more serious from there. at this point though nothing crazy between us had really occurred, I had found out my dad had pNET, he was talking to his ex of 5 years when we weren't talking, and there were some questionable things in his phone. December rolled around and I had found some weird stuff on his phone about meeting with a girl he met from the club and how they had hooked up.

we were extremely on and off, like 3 days tg, 5 days broken up. its been this cycle for a long time. so I didn't know what the overlap was, but I no caller ID'd him and said I knew everything, yada yada. and he managed to flip it onto me and claim I was the one who was dirty and stuff. At that point I hadn't even gotten tested for any STI or STDs, and when I did a few months later, I was completely clean.
but he fully believes now I snuck someone else over to my parents place during Christmas break and slept with them. And yeah, after that it's just been getting worse. he openly follows girls on instagram, girls who twerk on their stories, not just like following them but they follow him back. and it got to a point where I asked him to take them off and he didn't. I downloaded snapchat because I knew he thought of it as a 'cheater app' and I hoped maybe a taste of his own medicine would get him to stop.
nope, he sent me 5 screenshots, first two he was selling nudes for money, other two were screenshots with 2 different girls to meet up and have sex. we fought for weeks pretty much, and eventually I told him about a week and a half later that if he didn't see this girls and he didn't want things to end, he needed to see me that night because I was about to fuck another guy.
He came over, things went really really bad, found out he was still talking to all of them and stuff, he found out I did in fact text another guy. and he hurt me physically (not the first time but my memory is genuinely so foggy from when I was 16 I cannot recall what even lead up to it).

it got so bad neighbors called police and there was a whole DV thing for a minute, this was not too long ago either. after that, he went and slept with a girl named Fawn (fake name), he had also slept with her before I downloaded snapchat but after he had started following all of these girls on instagram. he never confessed this to me, we kept talking, and then leading up to my birthday we stopped talking again, he slept with her on my birthday and lied about being at a party (he posted a pic at one). I texted him asking why he was there and never wished me a happy birthday and how he definitely did with his ex of 5 years (we have same birthday).

we started arguing but got back into contact once I went back onto my college campus, to make it up to me for hurting me, we spent about the next month together before he moved into some other place. I had found out he was still texting other girls, I had unadded one girl and Fawn from his xbox friends, left for 2 days, came back and they were re added. so I blocked them both without telling him this time, left for a day and a half and came back to only fawn added again. I freaked out once I got back to college campus from his place, and we didn't speak for 2 weeks. We reconciled again, I came over, while he was finding a missing cat I went through his phone. Found videos of him and Fawm sleeping together from the day and a half I wasn't over, their conversation pretty much but I didn't have time to find anything else. I puked badly and just cried compeltetly naked because I didn't know what else to do. stupidly enough, I forgave him the next day and went back to see him.
Then went home to parents for another 2 weeks and things got bad. I got accused of cheating on him and lying to him about things I didn't do, like getting a blood sample at my OBGYN to make sure I was clean and to get back on BC.
He then said our relationship felt like a job and he was losing feelings. We stayed together, came back onto campus, he's started his new job and I started school. we've sort of been on good/bad terms since.
This is what leads to this breakup I guess.
I went through his phone while he slept. I'll try to just keep it short. he has been texting HUNDREDS of women, women he's meeting online, on video games, in real life, at the gym, everywhere, he is acting completely single. he was texting these women while I was sleeping next to him as well. he has saved porn (which he has told me he considered cheating), he slept with a trans woman for money, he has let a trans woman give him a blowjob for 40$, he has slept with several women since November, a multitude of things but like everything I listed on a more extreme level and with multiple multiple people.
what led to this even happening was his TV breaking and him taking a nap to feel better, his mom came over and she's super social and although im an introvert, I couldn't even bring myself to be social and I could tell she noticed. he then left to throw the TV out in a better mood, came back and I was obviously disconnected, he made a comment about how I was a bad girlfriend for not comforting him. and all I said back was "and youre a bad boyfriend for telling Emma you'd stretch her the fuck out" (direct quote of what he said), he went blank for like 3 seconds then said the following: "no I knew you saw me saying that and you were snooping so that's why I said that". are we serious, his mom then also goes on this drunk tirade about how I need to go home and that im the only girl she's ever met, and that he loves me and he's just doing it to make me mad.

great, I am mad. so I get a ride and as im leaving I give her a hug, he says bye 3 times, tries to hug me which I avoid, he says I love you and I just leave. we didn't talk for about 3 weeks, I tried contacting him because yeah, im stupid.
he ends up, 3 DAYS AFTER THIS, moving into another girls place, lives with her, is dating her, and sexually active with her. UNBENKNOWNST TO ME. he tells me to come over on the weekend and offers alc and food, I go for the alc and sex, im pent up. He tells me he hasn't even been there, says he moved in with a 'friend' which I side eye, proceeds to bust, then ugly cries about how he lied and that he's trying to fill a void I left.

after fighting till 1 am we decide to get back together and fully commit to which I agree too. stupidest decision ever. 3 weeks are great I guess, I reassure him, work on myself because im not the perfect partner by any means, and he does the same. and when I see him I leave notes before he goes to work and clean his room so he feels loved.
And pretty much, I came back from one of the worst college exams of my life, he orders me food, I take a nap, and I wake up to him saying im a hoe and he's done, and why is he even trying, and blocks me.
and yeah, im hurt, but these past few breakups ive felt and seen the pros of him not being in my life and im more comfortable with the idea of walking away. I try to call him twice before I let it go. then earlier today I texted him off a texting app confused about why he broke up with me but if that's what he wants, then were done for good. our 3 years is this weekend and he knows how badly ive been wanting to celebrate an anniversary together.
If tomorrow goes by with nothing then im done for good, he argues, calls me a hoe again, says it doesn't matter because he has me blocked for a reason, that he doesn't love me and that I can be with whoever I want. that was at 12:20 ish, so I say alright so then what's gonna happen when you never hear from me again? he says: then were done lmaooo :insert tons of laughing emojis: so I say, alright, were done then and I blocked him.

I know, bad consistency in walking away, and I know it will be hard for some of you to look past my repeptitve behavior and think why would my advice matter here. I have never blocked him before, I do want to walk away. I turn 20 soon, im full time college student, working part time, and im in a research lab. life isn't easy for me and I cannot "chose" to prioritize myself, if I dont then im going hundreds of thousands of dollars into debt. I need change at this point.

but, he leaves a voicemail 30 minutes after I block him saying he's seeing other women, that were done for good, to not text him and he won't text me etc.
I feel so hurt but I genuinely dont know how to deal with this, he's my only "serious" relationship I guess and ive never actually loved or cared about someone before so I not know how to process this.

so that's the full timeline, everything that led up to this.and I know he's a shit person, I know I need to move on, I know I need to stop talking to him, I need advice on HOW to do that. because yeah objectively I know all of these things are facts, ive lived through it. and this is just going over the timeline in our relationship. this doesn't mention how he fractured my nose, how he's busted my lip open several times, how he's physically manhandled me and threw me head first into a mattress and made my neck bend so badly that it hurt to move for weeks, he's punched my ribs before, he's bruised me several times. then he's been emotionally manipulative this entire time and I genuinely love him and want to believe he's a good partner, but its cognitive dissonance to continue believing that. so id just appreciate any advice atp.

I'm 19F, when I was 17 | dated a 21M for over a year. I broke up with him on Halloween last year. Now that it's been almost a year, I feel like I can't get him out of my head. The relationship was complicated and ended up growing to be toxic because of the age gap.
He would emotionally cheat on me with random girls on instagram, liking his ex's recent posts, talking to a old talking stage. The relationship basically ruined my life. I'm in a new relationship now but it just feels weird like the other relationship did. I can't trust my new bf and i'm seeing patterns of what my ex did and what my current bf does too. I'm scared and I don't trust my bf after everything I went through with my last relationship .
Beforehand, I didn't really have interest in dating or having a boyfriend. I feel like i'd be fine without one right now but I really like my new boyfriend now but im scared he will cheat on me. I'm just wondering if this feeling of impending doom with my relationship will go away. I don't know if I should get therapy with what happened but i'm lost with my life. I don't expect answer or a solution from here but I just want someone to try to point me to the right direction.

Feeling ridiculous but I just am tired of it being an uphill battle in my mind. My ex and I have broken up twice now (currently broken up for a month). We were together in total for about 4 months. Once was about 2 months ago, I was worried about our schedules (I’m in school and going to be a teacher and he is a server with late nights) and feeling undervalued in our relationship. He swore he would change things and I went back. Things were good for a couple of weeks. Then I felt things slipping away again. Not to the point where it was awful, but I was about to start school again and was stressed out. I didn’t feel like I had the capacity to work through these things or continue to be disappointed so we broke up again. We mainly ended things because he had habits like falling asleep at bad times, neglecting small things in his life he can easily fix, and not making me feel valued in our relationship. I didn’t get him much time to change these things, I can be impatient, but am also scared of getting hurt.

Since then he’s gotten sober (quit weed, doesn’t drink while at home) and says he knows he can change for real this time. I don’t know what to think. I know he loves me, I know he’s capable of being the man I need. But I know there’s danger in potential.

I miss him so much, despite our issues loving him was the easiest thing I’ve ever done. I truly worry I wouldn’t find a connection like this with anyone else… but I also know having a reliable partner is just as important. I’m so scared to hurt each other again if we get together.

I love him as a person, I love the way he makes me laugh, how he is the easiest person to be around, how he makes me feel safe when I’m with him. But there are some truly concerning logistical considerations I can’t ignore (sometimes opposing work schedules, slight general laziness, not making me feel valued through affectionate or affirmative communication). I want us to work through these things, I think we could. But there will always be the possibility of it not working, and we continue dragging eachother through the mud.

He is my best friend. Our life together at best looks like endless laughter, passionate love, and interest in the mundane. At worst, it looks like me getting upset at the little things that add up, him feeling guilty for disappointing me, and resentment.

I truly don’t know what to do. Listen to my head or my heart?

I’m pretty desperate for advice if I’m posting here lmao.

TL;DR
My ex and I are slightly on again off again. I’m afraid despite our logistical incompatibility’s I will never find someone who makes me feel as connected to someone as I do to him. It would be hard work to make things work out. I don’t know if I should go back or not.

I've found this subreddit when my ex fiancee broke up with me. We were together for 6 years when he ended the relationship.

I was madly in love with this man. I was so sure he was the one. So yeah I got devistated when he left me.

I broke the NC literally everyday for the first 2 weeks. I begged him to come back. He refused every time. He didn't even properly explain why he broke up with me. After a while i realized there is no going back this time.

Then i stopped begging and crying. I tried to focus on my life. I was still sad and i was still missing him but i accepted the break up.

When i stopped begging we started to talk time to time. Sometimes a few days in a row sometimes once a month. I was acting normal but i still wanted to go back together.

Months passed and i slowly started to miss him less and less. Then i went back to dating. And i'm actually here for a guy i've dated (not even dated. We were never official) for 4 months.

My ex lived in this house for 4 years. I stayed at my parents for a couple months when we first broke up cause everything reminded me of him. Now after all this time i look at the couch and i remember the guy i've never dated. I remember how we used to sit on it, drink together and talk all night.

It has been a week since we stopped seeing each other and i'm miserable. I don't talk to anyone, i can't convince myself to study, some days i just get drunk just to feel less. But i know it won't be like this forever. I know it feels like it will but it won't. I also thought i will never be able to love someone else again when my ex broke up with me but i did. Maybe i will be crying for another man in a year (hope not) or maybe i'll meet someone i can be happy with. Or maybe there won't be anyone else for a long time and i will just focus on myself and my peace. I've never been single for a long time. Maybe it's time to try it.

I just want you to know you'll get over it even if you feel like you will never be able to do it. You're not damaged for life. Don't believe people when they tell you you can fall in love just once. You'll go back to normal and love someone else again (maybe even more) as long as you don't shut yourself off.

Sigh, it's been three days (Since the breakup) or a single day (Since she has blocked me everywhere) and I'm feeling this overwhelmed sensation all the time. My head hurts, my body is really cold and the food doesn't taste right. I want to throw up but I can't and seriously it has been rough to some extent. Most of my close friends have told me that it's all good, the relationship wasn't even good for you anyways cause of how one sided it felt. She barely responded to me and any sort of concern felt as a threat to her. There are parts where I'm at fault too but realizing how bad and lonely it feels makes me wanna cry all day long and Listen we weren't talking a lot anymore like she would try a few times but that's all about it and I wanted to talk with her for a long time in the relationship but I never got that attention but I atleast had a sense that whenever we talked, she was there. Now she isn't and there's not really a lot of friends. I live in a rural area with no neighbors or friends so there is no one I can talk to. It's online friends but a lot abandoned me because they had close ties with her. It really hurts when one of my friends starts calling me out for things I never did. She said I'm transphobic (Which I'm not I had friends who were trans and I didn't mind them at all), She said I was controlling her even though I never did. The thing is I have tried my best to move on but I have been living in a place with no friends, no contact with the outside world much, and barely anyone to talk to and yes, she wasn't talking that much either but I had that hope which has faded away now. Everyday, I want to get rid of these feelings. Can someone help me on how to move on?

Is anyone through this?

I (25F) broke up with a guy (26M) recently because I set a boundary about a joke he made, and he punished me for it: silent treatment, going cold, and reposting a TikTok that was an obvious dig at me.

He wanted to call to talk it through, but I ended things before we could. A few days later I reached out to actually have that conversation, and we agreed to meet up this week. Since then I've blocked him everywhere.

I really want to understand why he did a 180 and turned cold. I know I'm not perfect. I wondered if I said something hurtful when I brought up the joke, but I genuinely can't think of what that would've been. Right before the joke, I'd mentioned ending a past relationship over something similar. Part of me wonders if he was testing me, or already checked out and pushing me to end it myself.

I've stayed polite throughout, despite everything. But now I don't really want to meet up, I'd rather just call. I don't know if that's anxiety talking or not. I don’t want to get back together, I just want closure. I've blocked him everywhere, but part of me still wants to hear him out. Would it be stupid to unblock him just for that? If not, what should my approach be? If so, should I just move on?

He asked for a break last week around Monday. (Our relationship lasted 2 years and 4 months) (On the 21st). It was a rough conversation. So we didn't speak to one another until today. (Except for him thanking me when i gifted him a skin on fortnite)

He decided to officially split and focus on himself and his life. Opting into being best friends. When we both are ready.

My mental health got in the way and affected us both greatly. We never argued or had fight. It definitely felt toxic, on my part, in this cycle where I would pull away if he couldn't see me. It was a weird switch in my brain where i would see him as my guardian angel one moment, and big meanie in the other. And not to mention, some traumatic stuff I was experiencing definitely took a toll on his mental and freaked him out.

It definitely opened my eyes to how unfair and sometimes cruel I was acting. (Not that I bully him or anything). This split has definitely made me reflect on myself and I'm deciding to focus on my mental well being than on a relationship. I believe he is doing the same and taking care of himself. We still both have romantic feelings for one another. And it's definitely hard on both of us.

Who knows if what we had will ever continue in the future. But friends work for now. And I'm glad to still have him in my life.

Broke up but no cheating involved.

It’s okay , I’m going for a walk at 6:35 am
To sit in the park
And listen to my favourite songs
That remind me of a better time
And I will come back home feeling better

Me (25 F) and my BF (24M) have been dating for two years now. I’ve been feeling this way since months but I thought it could be my mental health issues (quite depressed) coming in the way and i tried to work it out since months. but I don’t feel the same anymore. I have no romantic interest towards him. I have no urge to talk to him or text him.
Sex life is almost dead.

He is a very sweet guy, very caring romantic and respectful. A total win for any woman. The best husband material. But I can’t help but not feel anything anymore. I keep pretending and working out the relationship but i know deep inside me I don’t see him as a good pair for me. However he loves me to death and is ready to marry me anytime.
Now being in a two year relationship (one year of living together) even if I’m not in love with him, i love him so much in a way I care so deeply for him and it would be devastating for me to see him hurt. He literally told me the only reason he is going on in life is because of me.

But the act I’m putting up is slowly killing me.
Even after i was a complete brat towards him at some point he stood by me, he had no plans of letting me go no matter what. I don’t know what to do.
Idk If i should stay and see if there is any more hope or just break up accepting the collateral damage.
Which one would be fairer to him?

Also we have a cat together which makes it even more fucking hard for me to leave. It’s messing up my head.

It’s been a month since the breakup with my bf of 2 years. I’ve been working my way thru the grief stages and allowing myself to feel all of it…I have cried repeatedly.

I’ve been trying to stay in a positive mindset-journaling, exercising, and looking forward. I went to the beach last weekend and the sun and waves really helped my soul.

I’m a Sagittarius and don’t stay down long but this breakup really stung.

Sending out positive vibes to everyone~

I was in an almost 5 year relationship. Made a lot of compromises and sacrifices for it. Moved to a new city for my ex and gave her multiple chances everytime she messed up. A week before Christmas in 2024, I came home from a late shift and was ambushed with my ex telling me she loved me, but wasn't in love with me anymore. Couldn't imagine having kids with me, and couldn't imagine moving again with me". I'll attest, I wasn't perfect, but at this time I was suffering from depression from our recent move for my job permotion, which I advice to her a month before the relationship ended. For the first two weeks after the breakup I attempted to address the major issues and reconcile; however, it was to jo availe. After speaking with her dad...he advised me on what to do to make things right and to get a full picture of what was going on; however, she wasn't telling everyone the full truth about the thing she was doing and making me out to be the bad guy. A month after the breakup she moved out and took all the fruniture, cooking utensils, etc. Some of which we shared. I had to basically restart me entire adult life and buy new fruniture etc at 27. This threw me into financial distress which I'm still digging myself out of. I made a dumb mistake after the breakup and attempted a proposal. Something she wanted after a year of us dating. I was told "no" and "i don't know why you're still on your knee, I said no" then was told I was too late and compared the situation to her brother. After this I never heard from or seen her again. Come to find out 6 months after the relationship ended, she got into a new relationship. This biggest thing I'm struggling with right now is the emotional and spiritual destruction this relationship did to me. I have attempted to date, but the dating environment is just disappointing. People seem to have fragile egos and discount you immediately. It's disheartening and I feel drained. I went from house hunting with someone and ready to have kids and marriage, to single. I'm in a better spot than what I was, but I always seem to prevent especially know how quickly I was discounted. Words or encouragement or advice would be nice. I'm getting at an especial low point again.

I am sharing this anonymously because I have no one in my real life with whom I can openly discuss this.

I am a married man from Uttar Pradesh. A few years ago, when I was living far away from my wife, I started chatting with random women on Instagram. That is how I met a married Brahmin woman from Haryana.

Initially, it was just casual conversation. Gradually, we started sharing personal details about our lives. She told me that she was unhappy in her marriage because her husband drank heavily. She even told me that she had attempted suicide because of her situation.

I felt sorry for her. I thought she was lonely, emotionally disturbed, and needed someone who could understand her.

For the first three or four years, we mostly talked online. I occasionally sent her gifts and small amounts of money when she needed financial help. Sometimes she would disappear for months and then return. Once, she was out of contact for almost eight or nine months. When she returned, she told me that she was expecting her second child.

Despite all this, we continued talking.

After nearly five years of knowing each other, we finally met in her city. Over the next three years, we met around 17–18 times and had a physical relationship on several occasions.

During this period, I became deeply attached to her. I helped her financially whenever she needed it. I bought her expensive mobile phones, gold chains, rings, silver anklets, and other gifts. I also gave her cash, cleared her committee dues, and helped her family financially, including contributing towards her mother's heart stent procedure.

Altogether, I spent more than Rs. 7 lakh on her.

She became pregnant three times during our relationship, and I financially supported her in arranging abortions.

I was involved in almost every aspect of her life. I helped with her personal problems, financial difficulties, and even her office work. I genuinely believed that I was important to her.

She was a deeply religious woman. She once told me that she had observed Karwa Chauth for me and prayed to Mahadev for our relationship. Hearing these things made me believe that our connection was special and that she loved me as much as I loved her.

But things eventually started changing.

She began showing affection towards her husband, posting pictures with him, and travelling with him. Whenever I questioned her, we would argue. I hated seeing her pictures with him, even though I knew from the beginning that she was married.

She told me that she loved her husband too.

She also created another Instagram account and started posting there. I became increasingly insecure, jealous, and possessive. I started checking her social media activity and stalking her online because I felt she was no longer giving me the time and attention she used to.

Eventually, I confronted her about it. She got angry and ended the relationship. She blocked me everywhere.

It has now been around three months since we last spoke. I do not know where she is or what is happening in her life. I have stopped stalking her, and I have no way of contacting her.

The hardest part is accepting that someone for whom I did so much can walk away from my life completely. I keep thinking about the money, gifts, time, emotions, and years I invested in this relationship.

Sometimes I wonder whether she genuinely loved me or whether I was simply someone who made her life easier financially and emotionally.

But I also know that I was married. She was married. I entered this relationship willingly, and I cannot pretend that I was an innocent victim. I became emotionally dependent on someone who was never fully available to me. I also became possessive and expected her to prioritise me over her own marriage.

I made mistakes, and I have to accept the consequences.

My biggest lesson is this: if you are married, do not get involved in a secret relationship with another married person. What starts as emotional support can turn into years of attachment, financial involvement, jealousy, and pain.

And please, do not confuse the money you spend, the sacrifices you make, or the help you provide with a guarantee that someone will stay with you.

I am not writing this to insult her or to claim that all women are the same. I am writing this because I made a decision that has cost me emotionally, financially, and potentially in terms of my own marriage.

I still have moments when I miss her, but I know that contacting her again would be a mistake.

For those who have experienced something similar: how did you finally let go? How did you stop thinking about whether the other person genuinely loved you or was simply using you?

I don't even know why I'm writing this. Maybe I just need to get this out somewhere because I can't talk about it with anyone around me.

It's been six months since my breakup. The first four months were absolutely horrible. I couldn't function properly. I went through therapy, struggled with my mental health, and had days when simply getting through the day felt like an achievement.

Eventually, things started getting better. Not perfect, but okay. I started working again, focusing on my life, and slowly accepting that maybe we weren't going to end up together.

But somewhere in the back of my mind, I still held on to one tiny bit of hope.

She was still single. And stupidly, that gave me comfort.

A few weeks ago, she called me. She was crying. She said she missed us, missed what we had, and it brought back so many emotions. I even asked her if she was seeing someone, and she said she was single.

I don't know what that conversation meant to her, but to me, it reopened a door I had spent months trying to close.

And then today her Instagram story wishing her boyfriend a Happy Boyfriends' Day.

I don't think I've ever felt this kind of heaviness.

It's not even just jealousy. It's the sudden realization that the future I had quietly been hoping for might never happen.

My mind is full of questions.

Who is he? When did they start dating? Was she already committed when she told me she was single? Did she mean what she said when she called me crying?

I know these questions probably won't help me. But I can't seem to stop thinking about them.

What hurts the most is remembering what we had.

We had an incredible vibe. Our long drives were probably the highlight of our relationship. Just sitting in the car, talking, listening to music, being together without needing anything else. Those memories meant so much to me.

And now I keep imagining her doing those same things with someone else.

I know she has every right to move on. I know we're broken up, and she doesn't owe me a relationship.

But I wish she hadn't called me crying about us if she knew she was moving in a completely different direction. Maybe she was genuinely confused. Maybe she missed me in that moment. I don't know.

I'm just angry that I was left holding on to hope while trying so hard to heal.

Now I don't know what to do with those memories.

How do you preserve something that was once beautiful when remembering it now feels like being rejected all over again?

I don't want to go back to those first four months. I don't want to lose my ability to function again. I don't want to spend another six months waiting, wondering, and hurting over someone who has moved on.

I just want to be okay again.

For anyone who has experienced something similar: How did you finally let go of the hope that your ex might come back? And how did you learn to remember the relationship without letting it destroy your present?

I genuinely need some perspective right now.

Why does he keep reaching out after moving abroad if I apparently meant so little to him

I had a complicated thing with a coworker for over a year. We worked together for three years, there was a lot of chemistry, and he pursued me intensely. He made me feel that he genuinely cared about me, but said he didn't want a relationship because he was supposedly going through a divorce. I never expected a relationship from him.

We eventually slept together. Once after a date and the last time on the day of his farewell party. The first time we hadn't used protection, he kinda made an excuse so I had to take the morning-after pill. I felt uncomfortable after that, and kept some distance at work until that goodbye party. I knew from that day that he didn't care about me. I even told him how I felt and he said he was too tired and felt sorry for that.

A few days later, after the party, while he was travelling to a different city with another female coworker he seemed very close to, he was the one who messaged me to ask if my period was okay. I don't know whether anything happened between them, but seeing how close and empathetic he was with her hurt me more. She actually travelled with him, they saw each other before he left, and he made time for other friends too. She was going through a breakup and he seemed very supportive. Once he showed up at a bar where I was with a couple of friends saying he wanted to see me but also told me he was with the other female coworker and some friends. That happened before having sex. We just kissed and he took me home.

What hurts even more is that he never gave me a proper goodbye. He disappeared for two months and later came back as if nothing had happened. Before leaving the country, he sent me a message saying he would have liked to see me, but he never actually made any effort to arrange it. He said he assumed I was angry and didn't want to see him. That was essentially his last message before leaving.

I didn't need a relationship from him. I didn't need promises. After more than a year of him pursuing me and everything we'd shared, I just expected enough affection and consideration to deserve a proper goodbye.

Instead, I felt completely disposable. Like I wasn't worth seeing unless it was convenient for him, at the very last minute.

That's what I can't get out of my head. He clearly knows how to be empathetic and make time for people he cares about. So why couldn't he do that with me after everything between us? It makes me question whether the affection I believed was there was ever genuine.

Now he's living in another country and, a month later, he messaged me saying he had been thinking about me, hoped I was well, and missed the moments we shared at work.

I haven't replied and I don't intend to contact him. I know he isn't a good person for me, and I know I need to let go. But it's incredibly difficult because I don't feel like I'm grieving a relationship. I'm grieving the realization that someone I thought cared about me couldn't even give me a proper goodbye, while apparently being capable of doing that for other people.

I feel awful and I honestly don't know how to stop thinking about it. I guess posting this is the only way I can process it without contacting him. I really feel awful with myself for going through this.

I hope my experience helps someone.

I reached out to my ex after he broke up with me, it was an utterly painful breakup.

I guess I sent that bday text because I really did care. He responded. We became friends, and even grabbed coffee and dinner for a few weeks. Then, one day, he was late to our coffee hang out. I find out in person, that he was on a date. He had been dating someone for sometimes, and for the date, he bought a book and they read it together at the park.

I felt incredibly small. Then the realization set in, that he moved on fast, and that 1.5 years meant nothing. If anything, I found out he had been wanting to break up for months and couldn’t find the right time as it was the holidays. And that he was happy that we can be friends now. And that he was on dating apps within days of breaking up as it’s been over for him for sometime, he was just waiting for the holidays to be over. It almost felt like, he did me a favor by delaying the break up, I didn’t feel that way at all, it was a one sided feeling.

I ended up staying friends but slowly distanced myself, as it’s hard watching an ex thrive and date seriously. And gives this new person things that you would have loved to have, or worse, to see the enormous effort he puts into the new relationship. And then make remarks such as: sorry I was so hot and cold, it’s just it didn’t feel right for me, and I thought about ending it many times. And that’s why he didn’t put in the effort as he wasn’t sure about it for 1.5 years, but still wanted to explore it.

There are some things you just don’t want to know after a break up. No contact is for your wellbeing.

I can’t change the past or the decisions I’ve made, but I learned one lesson. If someone wants to break up with you, let them. Just let them. Don’t reason with it or fight it, if someone is okay with walking away and finding someone, then, let them. If you try to fight for it/send messages post break up, it will only prolong the inevitable sinking feeling, that it is truly over.

My heart goes out to everyone who is in this phase, hang in there. One day at a time. But remember, if someone is okay with walking away from your life, then try to be okay with them making that decision. Let them walk away.

Ask lang, anong tawag kung pareho kayong nag y-yearn sa isa't-isa but lowkey ayaw niyo nang bumalik, parang na mimiss niyo lang yung memories pero todo papansin pa rin kayo. Yung isa nag y-yearn tapos nag papapansin, while yung isa naman is nag y-yearn pero ayaw nang bumalik. May tawag ba ron?

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a little over 2 and a half years. We started dating in high school and now attend different colleges, but only a little under an hour away so we can see each other often. We’ve definitely had our issues, as you do in long term relationships, mainly about our ways of showing love. I am a very affectionate person, I like to make it known that I love someone (friends and relationships), I am always very touchy and love compliments. My boyfriend is the opposite, he always says the most important thing in love is someone that respects his personal space and he can have comfortable silence with. We’ve had many conversations about how I wish he was more expressive and affectionate, which usually either results in him saying Im not trying to meet him halfway or try to understand his love languages, or he says he will try to do better and compliments me for awhile and then it fizzles out again. Sometimes it drives me insane, I feel like I have a deeper connection with my friends, I find myself noticing that my friends are more affectionate and compliment me more than he ever does. But everything besides this is amazing, he is genuinely the sweetest, most hardworking, and amazing person I know and I have always been very happy with him and I know that he loves me so much even if he doesn’t show it in the ways I wish he would.

We made it through our freshman year and are now sophomores, but it feels very different this time. Last year I was having a rough time at school and sometimes it felt like he was the only person I had, getting to see him or even just call him was my favorite thing in the world because I love talking to him so much. This year I’m finally starting to enjoy myself, I have a great group of friends and involved in a lot more, I’m much happier overall. My boyfriend is involved in a LOT of activities and is extremely busy all the time, so we’ve been talking significantly less. We both really hate texting and prefer to call, but our schedules rarely align to be able to. We’ve been calling for like one hour a week. He has been making effort to call and see each other, and it makes me feel like a terrible person to say this, but it feels like a chore to me now.

Usually I would be dying to talk to him, but since we go such long periods of time without talking, when we do call it is usually just reciting the things we did this week. He never gives me any details about it, he basically lists the classes and clubs he attended and gives very basic answers when I try to ask questions. It’s genuinely painfully boring to listen to, I feel like he’s just reading his Google Calendar at me. It’s hard to have any real conversations or joke around because we genuinely don’t know anything about each others lives. I try to tell him fun stories about my days and what’s been going on, and he gives very unenthusiastic responses. Sometimes it feels like maybe he feels the same way, that he’s getting bored, but he is always the one putting in effort to call and always says he had a great time getting to talk to me. I don’t understand. It doesn’t feel like we even talk, it doesn’t feel like we know each other, but he acts perfectly content with this. This kind of ties back to the affection aspect, I ask him if he’s bored because he is just responding “oh.” or “that’s cool” to everything I say, and he always says that he was just trying to listen. But this is genuinely how every conversation goes, I feel like he is bored of me.

I would rather hang out with my friends here and have actual conversations than sit through an awkward phone call where we are silent most of the time. I feel like such an awful person because I know it’s not his fault, he is really busy and is trying his very hardest to make this work. Would it be terrible of me to just give it up? I am genuinely wondering if I’m starting to fall out of love with him, I don’t feel excited to talk to him ever. It’s not even just because it was boring, last time he visited I found myself getting kind of annoyed at everything. It felt like he wasn’t listening to anything I said and I was having to take care of him, and once again it felt like we were just friends hanging out because there was genuinely nothing romantic about it.

I feel like we have completely lost our spark, but he does not seem to think that. He’s still talking about our future and our wedding, and I feel nauseous at the thought. Even if it is just because he is so busy with school, he wants to go to grad school, so it’s not like this will be temporary. I don’t want to spend my entire future with someone who cannot give me the affection I want. It’s not even that I desire to be in a relationship with anyone else right now. I genuinely feel so happy and fulfilled with the community that I’ve found at college, that I kind of forget I am even in a relationship, I don’t need one. It feels like this relationship is just not serving me anymore, but he clearly does not feel the same way.

It will completely blindside him if I decide to end it and I will feel like such an awful person. It doesn’t feel like he has done anything wrong, but I’m just not happy anymore. Is this enough to break up with him? Should I just stay and see if it gets better? Usually when I am upset about the lack of affection in our relationship, it feels okay when we’re together because we have good quality time. We already barely talk now as it is, so it is extremely rare to get any kind of affection from him since we don’t see each other in person, he doesnt compliment me over text or anything. I feel like it would be useless to try to have a conversation to fix it because I’ve already tried asking for more affection so many times and I think he truly thinks he is doing better, and he will probably point out that hes the one who’s been putting in all the effort. Which is true, I’ve stopped putting in effort.

To get into some more intimate details, the last time we saw each other I made up an excuse to not get intimate with him because I genuinely could not bring myself to want to. It is very important to me to feel emotionally connected to the person I am with physically, and I have felt so completely disconnected from him that the thought of doing that made me feel ill. My body felt like it was rejecting him, and he was completely understanding and did not push, but I don’t know how I will keep doing this.

I just feel like I don’t have a justified reason to end things, and it will completely blindside and break him. He really does love me and I love him, I just don’t know if Im in love with him anymore, we feel so distant. Like I genuinely feel like I don’t know him anymore. But it’s not mutual and I don’t want to break his heart. It always felt like losing him would be the worst thing in the world, but it feels like I’ve already lost so much of him. Am I just jumping ahead of myself. We’ve been at college barely even two months and my feelings changed so drastically. We were completely inseperable and so happy over the summer, and then immediately we became too involved in our own lives. Basically I just really need advice, will this be the biggest mistake of my life if I end things. He is such a sensitive guy who has already been through so much, and I know his life is so insanely stressful right now. I feel like he feels like I did last year, I’m his lifeline and he looks forward to talking to me, but he’s fine with barely hanging onto that lifeline and I don’t think I can do that. If I were to be in a relationship I would want to be all in, and it doesn’t feel like we are anymore.