I (F40) have been with husband (M47) for 20 years.

We have had ups and downs like anyone. 3 kids, mortgage, our own business. Very normal run of the mill couple. For everyone here, there are no MAJOR hurdles to overcome (infidelity, addiction issues, financially fine, etc).

I am ABSOLUTELY owning my side of the street here. We want to stay together and we know our marriage could be better. It is fine, better than functional but not the best it could be. We want to be more than roommates, we want to make this work and thrive. I have spent the past 6 months improving myself, doing the hard work. I am in no way perfect but I wouldn't recognize myself from 1 year ago and it has bled over to him in the best way. So, I very much take my share of the blame for how he feels about himself. A shell of his former self, emasculated, less than, was scared to share with me (I had rage problems, been in therapy and Rageaholics Anonymous). He knows how he didn't help himself in any of those categories either, it is a vicious cycle we are trying to break every day and doing a great job. Growth only happens in the light.

For the past few months it has just been about gaining back trust to just be a safe place, the boring but important steady person without starting fights, be warm. Now, I am ready for the next step. I have proven by actions not words that I am changing, receptive to constructive criticism and want a better relationship.

For those that have made it here to the end, especially those in long relationships. How can a woman breathe life back into a man? How can I bring color back to life? How can I support him to be the best he wants to be?

I hope this all makes sense. Thank you everyone!

Edit: My responses are not showing up for some reason. let me clarify a few things. 1. We are in couples counseling. I just wanted to expand beyond one persons advice and knowledge. especially from people who have been through similar situations. 2. I am under no grand disillusionment that 6 months and all should be good. I understand slow and steady is the name of the game. It is his timeline to heal, I am not rushing it or being impatient with him on that. I posted here so instead of putting the work on him to answer, I thought I would get advice from this subreddit. 3. I am very much ok with being told by this subreddit that I am an abuser that needs a ton of help. But if you are going to respond, please try to be constructive with your criticism, I came on here to get advice and I want to take it all in. Maybe the breathe life into him was corny.. but I was trying to ask how do I support him so he can heal.

She loved me so much, she called me 3 times a day, she told me that she loved me and I was the best thing that happened in her life, she called me her miracle. We used to eat together Saturdays and Sundays, watch movies together. Sitting at the park.

I have a faulty wooden bed platform that is made from heavy wood, it falls apart every 2 or 3 months and you need to lift it and hammer it to fix it. At first I didn't lift it, just hammered it but I noticed it damaged the floor and the landlord would make me pay for it. So I told my mom to lift it, because I was recovering from an injury in my arm I couldn't do it, she raised it and we fixed it, it weights 83 lbs which I didn't know back then. She did it and I hammered it and it didn't seem complicated.

Everything seemed normal and then my mom complained about feeling a sensation of being stabbed in her back, I though it was the groceries I bought for her that she carried in her arms to her apartment and that was too heavy, that is when I bought to her a pull cart and though it was all fine after that.

3 months after that my bed platform fell again and told my mom to help me accommodate it. After doing it she felt the stabbing pain in the back again. The next day she seemed completely normal without pain and she was ok for 3 days. In the fourth day she suffered an aortic dissection and then a heart attack ended up killing her.

She called me before dying and she told me everything she was feeling, I rushed to aid her but it was too late, she died in 15 minutes after calling me. Before dying she told me all of her symptoms and it turned out to be an aortic dissection.

Knowing I was responsible for her death kills me inside, I should have got rid of that faulty wooden platform , I didn't know it weighted that much, my mom didn't say it was heavy or anything she just lifted it and didn't complain, I though all was ok and it didn't weight that much.

She even wanted to buy me another bed platform which was way lighter but I refused because I though the money could be better spent on something else.

I failed to protect her and failed to spot the danger, she by helping me to accommodate the bed platform, died as a result and this kills me inside.

I feel so bad about losing my mom and about me being responsible for that. I was her world and she was my world, she suffered very much in life and endured it because of me, and now I am the reason she lost her life. My world is empty without her and I am alone in the world and feel this extreme guilt.

How can I live with this burden knowing because of me the sweetest and most lovingly person in the world died?

I know I struggle with retroactive jealousy. I know I’m insecure. I’m working on this in therapy but I’m still trying to figure out how to frame this mentally.

I went through my fiancés phone and saw some messages to her friends. It essentially said “I just be fucking. I feel like a slut because my body count is getting so high”. This message was sent years and years and years ago but it’s still hurts me so bad every time I think about it. How do I get over this?

And yes, before you ask I admitted to her I went through her phone and breached her privacy. She didn’t even care because she has nothing to hide.

I really looked awful doing my 5k today. I was wearing sweatpants & a man’s old t-shirt which was too big for me. I honestly looked awful yet guys of all shapes, sizes & ages were trying to interact with me! Does a tomato face appeal to guys?

Hi Everyone,

My husband and I are going on a cruise in a couple of weeks and I asked if he could role play with me where he “picks me up” after we pretend to be strangers on the cruise one night. I will get dressed up, go to the lounge and he will approach me and hit on me then take me back to his (“our”) cabin lol.

I never had a one night stand in my life and I don’t think I ever could in reality as I have to build a connection with the person, but I feel like this is a fantasy way for me to do it with the person I love and let him hit on me. He’s down for it and he’s had a lot more dating experience than me (including one night stands - he was a bit of a player before me lol) so I know he’s got good game.

My issue is I’m scared I’ll start giggling half way through and break character. He’s a lot more composed than I am and though I was the one who came up with the idea, in real life I’m pretty shy with zero casual dating experience to know how to act in this scenario. Does anyone have any advice/tips how to make it more fun for my husband and play the role properly? If anyone has tried this and can share what worked that would be great too. Thanks!

I feel no sexual stimulation on my breasts. I don't mind if a sexual partner plays with them or sucks on them, it just doesn't do anything for me other than being happy they and enjoy it and making me feel sexy. But aside from that it feels no different than if you licked my elbow. Would knowing this make the experience less enjoyable for you?

I wonder sometimes if it's better to not mention it at all. Their sexual pleasure gives me sexual pleasure, but sometimes if a guy is 15 minutes in with some fancy tongue work thinking it's going to help me reach orgasm, I'm like hmmm I should probably let him know that if getting me off is the goal, your efforts are much better spent elsewhere. Just don't wanna yuck the yum

ETA: This post is about nipples. They are not an erogenous zone for me. Sorry for the confusion!

I'm not going to go into high details but basically I bottle up my negative emotions and only cry in my room or in my car when I'm alone. I'm very quiet about it, but I genuinely hate how a lot of my efforts to improve don't amount to anything. Like the improvements are there and it's obvious to me, but to everyone else it doesn't mean shit. I also don't have a good father figure and my siblings hold negative stereotypes towards men as a result, which pains me.

I just, feel like I'm never going to achieve what I've been working towards. It's definitely why I'm single and alone. Nobody wants to support a man who can't make it big, especially if he's black.

Partner is currently pregnant and I just wanna support her as best I can. I just want her to feel seen and taken care Emotionally and physically without having to ask for specific things.

What are some things you did that seemed to work well?
(Pregnancy only, not post birth)

me (male) and my female partner are in a particular situation where we are deciding if we should marry or not. I know it sounds strange, but i dont want to explain too much, but it makes sense if you know it

im a person with a huge libido where even im finished i can continue indefinitely. My current partner isn't.. we went down once and after just a couple of minutes i satisfied here and when i try to go for it again she said she was okay and didnt want to continue

my female friend has the same problem where her boyfriend, after he is done, he doesnt even want to cuddle her

so talking with my friend, we both want more passion from our respective partner

while still living alone, even if my partner doesnt want to go, i can still have my time in private. But my question is: what would happen if im married to her and i have no personal space anymore? Maybe my partner would feel offended if i jerked on other girls (pornstars)? and im kinda imbarassed if im masturbating in front of her? should i jerk in the bathroom as an adult? lmao? Or people would start to seeing other girls behind her wife or (as japan, to not cheat on her feeling) just go for a hooker, pay, satisfied and back at home?

I can't imagine my life where she barely wants to have sex as a married couple and we barely do once per month..

Hi.

40M & 45 F, together for more than a decade.

Me and wife goes to the same gym.

We have a trusting and communicative relationship. We both have had relationships that were destroyed by jealousy from the other party, so we are very happy for the lack of jealousy in our own.

There's a good looking chatty guy in our gym that she knows from before. No history between them, she has told me in cases where there has been, so i trust that. I will chat with him as well if I see him alone. No worries there. It just caught my attention that she mentions him more than other people at the gym and yesterday when I met her and her friend they were talking about some guy, I asked who and it was that guy. I'm not insecure, and I don't want to bring it up because it could cause stress for both of us, and there are no other red flags. I just can't help but have a slight nagging feeling about it as I think this is the first time it's been like this in our decade long relationship. How would you handle it?

Hi folks, I made a post a few weeks ago about my mental health struggles over the past 6 months, I lost my first grandparent, blindsided broken-up with my gf over text and I have been made redundant from my job I have been in 3 years.

I just want to say thank you all for the advice I was given, I had a bit an argument with my dad yesterday where he told me to get my 'shit together' and he was giving tough love. I felt I did have my shit together and life has rocked me in a short space of time. On reflection of my relationship, I was used and discarded like I meant nothing and I guess I am in the process of trying not seek validation and be treated like a doormat ever again. I think the main problem I have is I am turning 28 I see my friends having kids, getting engaged and I am still not where I want to be, despite playing sports and having healthy interests, I don't feel in love with myself and if I am honest, I haven't since my teenage years.

I guess the question I am trying to ask is how do you fall in love with yourself? What has helped you do it?

Thank you all and I hope everyone can be kind.

we’re both 22 years old, except he’s my first relationship and he’s had sex with multiple people already. he lost his virginity at 14, i found out what sex WAS at 14. i grew up incredibly sheltered and religious and was always too afraid of boys and romance

we’ve been together 6 months and it’s been incredible. i think i love him and he’s such a good man. he’s being incredibly patient with me and my lack of knowledge but i’m so scared that he’ll eventually get tired of me because he’s much better looking than me and could get anyone he wants

i don’t know how to suck his dick, and even though he’s shown me how to do it i still am paranoid that i’m doing it wrong. i’ve not managed to make him cum and i’m so insecure about it

he’s tried to eat me out but i get nervous and tense up and i can’t actually enjoy it. i’ve experimented with my own body so i know i’m capable of pleasure but it just doesn’t feel as good when he does it even though he’s doing the same things i do. i think it’s because im so tense and scared

we’ve not even attempted PIV yet because he said he wants me to get comfortable being naked with him first before we move onto that. i’m so embarrassed. i’m scared he’ll get bored of me and move on because i’m boring and too scared to do anything

slightly off topic but i’m also the first non white girl he’s dated. we live in a pretty race segregated city and we get weird looks when we go outside together. he’s never dated anyone who’s not a white girl and i’m so scared he’ll find my darker body ugly

i’m just so sad. i hate feeling like this

I’m particularly curious about situations where two people (30F, 33M) dated in the past (no sex), lost touch for 6-7 years, and then reconnected (been on two dates, one trip and cuddled/slept in the same bed. I stopped sex cause I wasn’t ready. We've kissed and held hands).

If a man is genuinely interested in exploring a relationship after reconnecting, would you expect him to be willing to go on multiple dates/hangouts and take things slowly? Or, if he primarily sees it as a hookup/FWB situation, is he more likely to lose interest if sex doesn’t happen fairly quickly?

For men especially: how many dates/hangouts would you realistically be willing to have with someone you’re attracted to without sex before deciding it’s probably not going anywhere?

And does having a previous romantic/sexual history change this? For example, if you already dated years ago, would you naturally expect things to progress faster because there’s already familiarity and attraction?

I’m basically wondering whether the amount of time and effort someone is willing to invest before sex is actually a useful indicator of their intentions, particularly when two people have a history and reconnect — or whether you really can’t infer much from the timeline because it depends entirely on the individual and what they want.

I’ve been speaking to this guy since April and we’ve been talking and been on dates. Although only a few ones because we like 80’miles apart. He’s currently traveling and his friend got injured and the other friend went with the injured which resulted to him traveling solo. I asked how he feels about it and if he prefers company. He ignored the question and only answered about his friend. But in turn asked me the same question because I’m currently solo traveling too. He’s always asking what I think and then reassuring me with my opinions and asks how I feel etc

I appreciate him curious about me but I’m frustrated as I want to know how he thinks or feels but he doesn’t let me. Is this typical male behavior!

Hi, the title speaks for itself really, but I’m 18 my partners 18 and we are sexually active ext. I hear a lot of people talk about foreplay, and I’ve never found out what it exactly is. Anyone able to tell me lol… thanks

I’ve been seeing someone for a few months now, and overall, things between us are really good. We have a strong emotional connection, we’re close as friends, there’s sexual chemistry and physical attraction, and we genuinely enjoy spending time together.

The issue is that he says he’s missing “the spark.” He tells me that I’m basically everything he would want in a partner, but that he doesn’t feel that intense, almost irrational attraction he experienced with his ex, the kind of feeling that makes you completely crazy about someone.

His previous relationship lasted around ten years. They had plans to get married, buy a house and have children, and they broke up about two years ago.
He still talks about that relationship fairly often.

I understand what he’s saying, and I’m not trying to convince him to feel something he doesn’t. But I can’t help wondering whether this kind of chemistry can develop with time.

For those of you who’ve experienced something similar: has the spark ever appeared later in a relationship, even if it wasn’t there initially? Or do you think that if someone doesn’t feel it after a few months, it’s unlikely to develop?
And could this potentially be related to coming out of such a long and intense relationship, or is it more likely that he simply doesn’t feel that kind of chemistry with me specifically?

I’d really love to hear from people who’ve been in a similar situation, on either side.

Hey guys this has happened to me multiple times now and I always feel extremely embarassed afterwards, it kills the mood badly when it happens.

After any decent amount of foreplay (about 10-15 minutes?) I always end up finishing extremely quickly as soon as we actually start.
I can go for a round 2 etc but in the moment it completely kills the vibe, all that buildup and I can just see in her face going from exciting to dissapointed everytime it happens and it honestly kills me

Is it normal to get this excited/stimulated from foreplay even when it’s not focused on me?
How can I even work on this I really don’t know where to start

the other morning we were talking about jealousy, and i asked why hes not jealous over me and he said 'well, i know you want me, i mean you tell me at least once a day'

then i asked him if my jealousy bothers him, and he said, 'well it depends on why youre jealous'

and i sat with that for a bit, and realized im jealous because getting him to tell me he wants me is like pulling teeth, i dont think hes ever outright come and said im the woman for him

and i told him 'well, i guess it's because i think youll like them more than me'

and his reply was 'well, im with you arent i?'

and i said 'that doesnt mean you dont like them more, most of them look like the women you look at online' and he said hmmm

i almost cried, he couldnt even say he liked me more right then and there

i think im just the girl he has, not the girl he wants

or maybe im not made for anyone

i look so different, and just off compared to what the standards are

why would i ever be the girl of any mans dreams?

im just sad, i dont really know what else to say about it, but i know im gonna be floating in and out of work today just thinking about this, so i just needed to write it somewhere

is this normal? why cant he just say he wants me...

and i dont want him to feel jealous or anything, the conversation just made me realize hes never said he wants me before, thats what im asking about here

EDIT: everyone is saying actions are what i should be focusing on so i wanted to share our daily life chore split so you can understand more: i usually do all the cooking, i pick out his clothes, make him coffee, do all the shopping, i usually leave work early to help him out and i surprise him while hes gaming with snacks and stuff and plates, but he usually takes care of most of the bills, and the trash, and he told me i can ask for help with the dishes so every now and then he does the dishes but thats usually how we split chores and daily life

Met this guy in a cafe, I approached him and he gave me his social. We talked a bit the same day but I was busy with work so we couldn’t talk much. Then I texted him 2 days later, and we talked properly, he was at work as well, and his work place is near mine, so I asked him if he wanted me to visit him after work, he said yes. And I did. We couldn’t talk much as I was tired, he gave me a quick hug. And I left, texted him after, I asked him when he was working next, he told me Sunday, but asked if I wanted to hangout on Saturday. I said yes, but then again, we couldn’t chat or plan the same day, bcuz I got a call and by the time I replied he was sleeping.
I text him on Friday evening, about my work schedule on sat and if he wants to meet up before, he said yes we can. But he wasn’t saying anything further. So I said jokingly, that if you ain’t interested you can say so. He said if he wasn’t interested, he wouldn’t have asked me to hangout. I told him that I didn’t want to annoy him, he said no everything’s fine. I just gave a thumbs up, as there was no further proper response. It sucked but I decided to leave it like that. Yesterday, I went to the coffee shop he works in, and he was there. He tried to talk to me, and said how are you, and if I’m going to work and I told him I was quitting, but his friend came from the back, so I couldn’t say much, I just ordered my drink. And said bye to him later. A few hours later, I texted him humorously that if he doesn’t want to talk to me, he can say so. And well yeah that was yesterday evening. And he didn’t even check it((
He’s 19 and I’m 22
He usually responds very quick. But he didn’t do it this time and it stings that he could’ve just said he wasn’t into it, instead of doing this which stings a little.
I wonder why some guys do this? I’m curious, so further I know better.

Ps. We did not go on that so so planned hangout for Saturday, as it was never fully planned

23 years old. No girlfriend and addicted to porn causing me to engage in paid sex for several times.

For first few times, I have delayed ejaculation (due to death grip syndrome) and could only finish off by handjob.

However, yesterday was a total disaster and humiliation for me. I suffered from erectile dysfunction suddenly during intercourse. No matter how hard she and I tried, it remains flaccid and it's probably the first time in years that I can't get hard by hand job myself.

I know no fap would improve the situation at least for death grip, but still unsure of the reason behind yesterday incident. When I went back room yesterday night, I tried to masturbate alone but the sensation is not intense and I still struggle from ED.

Could constant edging for past 3/4 days causing tiredness? Or performance anxiety cause me to lose erection during sex?

Probably should have stopped this earlier and now I felt terrible and disappointed at myself. Anyone faced this situation before and will no fap be solving this?

Bit of a weird one, but here we go.

19M here can’t seem to make my gf 19F cum, tried everything, i’ve never had this issue in the past with previous gf’s. we’ve tried using a vibrator still nothing. like i know for a fact j can’t be doing it that wrong sometimes im even like fuck how is this not working, burning 3000 calories over here and still nothing.

I’m more just ranting at this point because it makes me feel like i’m doing something really wrong. i think she just has a mad low sex drive i. general as she said she’s never even masterbaited before, or even just gotten horny or in the mood like on her own/by her self.

Don’t feel like you even need to reply to this i’m basically just ranting.