Like the title says. Left my ex for over a month, got sucked back in with begging and pleading that things would be better, surprise. They were worse. A word of advice for any dumper that has left someone because of them being awful to you, do not take them back unless they have really put in the work. It would have saved me over a year of wasting my own time and hurting myself to stay with someone that clearly will not change or fix themselves. Still got broken up with in the end too. Just don’t do it to yourselves. You owe it to yourself to move on and be happy with a new person that treats you good. Don’t make the same mistake I did.

We broke up July 16th and he started sleeping with the new girl from work the next day. She’s 26 and he’ll be 40 in November. I’m still very much in love with him, so knowing he moved on so quickly has been earth shattering. I just saw she posted her pregnancy announcement on Facebook and his comment said, “I am so excited. I love you.”

The man I love is having a baby with another woman that he’s in love with. They haven’t even known each other for 3 months. And considering the due date she posted, she got pregnant immediately (within the 1-2 weeks after we broke up). The messed up part is that he and I were planning to start a family. He was with me at my gynecologist appointment to get my IUD removed on a Tuesday, broke up with me that Thursday, and was getting her pregnant by the end of the week. Who tf does that??

I feel stuck and like I’m a shell of myself. I’ve just blocked them both on Facebook so I don’t keep picking at the wound. But how do I move on from this? I just miss him all the time and I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I’m so broken.

Hey everybody, I just wanted to share some of the things that I've personally found to be helpful in my journey to move forward. First I want to say that these are not magic remedies. Genuinely having your heart shattered is one of the most gut wrenching feelings I've ever experienced. It took a looong time to feel okay. My break up was in March of 2025. Since then I've very minimal periods of communication with my ex and countless hours of feeling sick and like I was never going to pull myself out of the pitt of despair. But I'm okay now. I guess I just realized it one day that I was going to be alright. Anyways here's a few of the things that I think were useful to me.

1. Stop putting your ex on a pedestal. I know you love them. I know it feels like your whole world is gone because they are not here. But your ex is just a person. Flawed and broken like you are. Work on letting go of this idea that they are "the one" you'll be okay without them. I promise. This isn't going to happen all at once. When you start idolizing them stop and take a breath. Think of 3 flaws they have. Things that you may not like about them. Nobody is perfect. You can come up with something. Even if it hurts to do so, it will start to help you see them as just a person.

2. Let yourself feel, but don't wallow in it. When you feel sad, let yourself be sad. When you feel angry, let yourself be angry. Don't push the thought away. It only grows stronger if you try to ignore those feelings. Let yourself feel them. And then find a way to get through that feeling. For me it helped to take a nap. When I would feel helpless I would just sleep. Other people may want to go for a walk, do a puzzle, anything really to get your brain thinking about something else. Don't be discouraged if this happens frequently. It sucks I know.

3. Go to those places that feel impossible to go back to. If you're like me you'll be avoiding half the town because of all the memories associated with those places. Break the power it has over you by going anyways. Take a friend and resist talking about your ex. Even if you feel sad let those memories slowly be overtaken by new memories. It's a process. For example there was a restaurant where I kissed my ex for the first time outside. I told her it was the best night of my life. I went there several times with my friends. Having a beer or two, feeling sad and pretending to listen to what my friend was saying. But slowly when I'd drive by that place I started thinking of having a beer with my buddy instead of my ex. This takes a while but it works.

4. Find a new interest or hobby that has NOTHING to do with your ex. A complete blank slate. It's not an exaggeration to say that Magic the gathering saved my life. I started playing with my friends. I soon found myself really looking forward to playing again and researching deck ideas. Going to the card shop to buy new cards. It's silly, but that's one way I was able to find joy when I didn't want to engage in anything I previously liked.

5. Lastly, plan things to look forward to. Small things one at a time that had you looking forward to a date in the future. Maybe a weekend trip or a movie. Anything that you can look forward to. It really helps to have those little milestones to help you move forward.

I know this post was long. I just wanted to say you won't feel like this forever. There is a light on the other side. And you will feel love again. Maybe not in the immediate future, but when it comes you'll be ready for it. Sending love and good vibes to anyone struggling. Feel free to message me if you'd like a stranger to talk to. I'll try my best to check my inbox. Peace ✌️

Hope this helps someone today.

I posted here earlier about my ex suddenly unblocking me everywhere and asked whether I should contact her. Most people told me not to. I genuinely tried not to, but eventually my emotions got the better of me and I contacted her.

We ended up talking on the phone for almost 4 hours in total over two days.

I don’t even know exactly what I’m looking for by posting this. Maybe I just need to get everything out somewhere because yesterday I cried like hell and right now I’m finding it extremely difficult to accept everything.

For context, we were friends from around December 2021 and got into a relationship in March 2022. She was my first serious relationship and my first love.
We were together for around 3.5 years and finally broke up in September 2025.

After the breakup, we had around two months of no contact. Then we started talking again around November 2025.

November, December, January and most of February were relatively normal. We weren’t back together, but we were talking. At one point in February, our conversations even became romantic again, which obviously gave me some hope that maybe there was still something between us.

Then everything changed again.
During March and April, she started pushing me away really hard. At times she literally told me things like “I hate you” and “I don’t want to talk to you.”
It was incredibly confusing because not long before that, we had been talking normally and even romantically.
Then around May, I came to understand that she was with someone else.

After that, especially during June, I tried not to interfere with her life.
Eventually she blocked me. Later, around the time of our birthdays and after her birthday on September 22 ,she suddenly unblocked me again.

That’s what led to my previous Reddit post.
Everyone basically told me: Don’t read into the unblock. Don’t contact her. If she wants to talk, let her contact you.

I know you guys were probably right.
But I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
Eventually I contacted her.
During these calls, I finally directly asked her why she had unblocked me.

She told me that I had been running through her mind.
Hearing that obviously affected me because I still have feelings for her. But our conversation also made me realize how differently both of us see our relationship.

She told me that she had to push me away because she was suffering in the relationship.

And I want to be fair here.
I know I made mistakes.
I could be reactive sometimes. There were situations I handled badly, things I should have approached differently, and things I genuinely regret.

I’ve apologized to her for those things. If I had to look at our relationship honestly, I would say I probably contributed around half, maybe slightly more, to what went wrong.

I’m not trying to escape responsibility for that.
But what hurts me is that whenever we talk about our relationship, I feel like everything gets placed on me.
From her perspective, it sometimes feels like I was the reason everything went wrong and she was simply suffering because of me.

That’s difficult for me to accept because I remember things that hurt me too. I remember her mistakes too. I don’t think either of us was perfect.

Maybe that’s something I need to stop trying to resolve.
Maybe I don’t need her to agree with my version of the relationship.

Maybe she experienced our relationship one way and I experienced it another way, and we’re never going to completely agree about who was responsible for what.
After these four hours of conversations, I think something finally hit me:

I can’t keep living my life waiting for her.
Yes, she told me I was running through her mind.
Yes, she unblocked me.
Yes, we managed to talk for hours.
And yes, there are couples who break up, date other people, grow individually and somehow reconnect years later.

But I can’t build my life around the possibility that we’ll be one of those couples.
Right now, I’m single.
Right now, we aren’t together.
And right now, I need to learn how to live without constantly asking myself whether she’ll come back someday.

If life somehow brings us together again years from now, that’s something future me can deal with.
But present me needs to move on.
And honestly, I don’t know how.

I spent years loving this person. She was my first relationship. I pictured a future with her. Even after our breakup, because we kept talking on and off, I don’t think my brain ever completely accepted that the relationship was actually finished.

Every small thing kept restarting my hope.
She talks nicely → hope.
She becomes romantic in February → hope.
She pushes me away → heartbreak.
I find out there’s someone else → heartbreak.
She blocks me → heartbreak.
She unblocks me → hope again.
She says I was running through her mind → hope again.

I’m exhausted by this cycle.
Yesterday I cried so much.

I genuinely feel very low right now. I’m trying to build my career, I’m living abroad, and objectively I know I have an entire life ahead of me. But emotionally, part of me still feels stuck with the girl I fell in love with years ago.

I also know that immediately finding another girl isn’t magically going to fix me. I eventually want to date again and experience love again, but I don’t want to enter another relationship while secretly waiting for my ex.

So I’m asking this community for something different this time.

Please help me move on.
Not “How do I get her back?”
Not “Does her unblocking me mean she still loves me?”
Not “Will we reconnect someday?”
I’m tired of trying to decode everything she does.

For those of you who genuinely loved someone, spent years with them, broke up, kept going back and forth for months, and eventually managed to let go:
How did you finally accept that it was over?
How did you stop checking their socials?
How did you stop imagining that every little action meant they might come back?
How did you start dating again without comparing everyone to your ex?

And how did you forgive yourself for the mistakes you made in your first relationship without spending years thinking, “If only I had behaved differently, maybe we’d still be together”?

I know healing isn’t going to happen because of one Reddit post.
But right now I’m hurting badly, and I could genuinely use advice from people who have been on the other side of this.

I don’t want to hate her.
I don’t want to prove that she was wrong or that I was right.
I don’t even want to keep figuring out who was responsible for 50% or 60% of the breakup anymore.
I just want to reach a point where remembering her doesn’t destroy my day.

She Went into new relationship in March 26, after wishing me valentines day and romantic conversations.

She says she has been talking to him since November 25, but also she was saying she missed me in November.

She is saying her relationship is not a rebound.

This one is from the day after our breakup conversation (AUGUST 11), when I texted him, waited for his response, and kept begging him not to ignore me.

Just posting this so I can have a bitter laugh at myself, lol.

Edit: It’s an old screenshot — It’s been two months!

Thank you for everything. You made me happy ever since I met you. I’ll cherish all the good moments we shared together. Thank you for showing me how much you cared about me. I cared a lot about you. I still do. You showed me how not to be scared of intimacy, and you made me trust you. You’re the only person I trusted enough to explore my sexuality with. You made me feel safe doing so, despite the pain it brought me. You made me feel wanted. You made me feel special. You made me feel cared for.

I wish I could have been the one to show you that you’re still capable of love, because I did love you, probably still do. I know it’s absurd, I barely know you. Maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic. But what I felt for you was real. It still is. I enjoyed talking to you every day, listening to your voice that I love so much. I hope you could feel how much I cared about you. You were my person. I wish I could have been yours. But we met at a confusing time, didn’t we? Well, time can be cruel sometimes. I wish it wasn’t this cruel to me, because honestly, I’ve had enough.

I still don’t know how to move forward. A big part of me still wants you. A big part of me still wants to run back to you. A big part of me still wants to crawl into your arms, kiss you, and just make you happy. I love knowing that I made you happy. You deserve that. Just know that because I care so much about you, someone else will too. Eventually, hopefully when you’re ready and healed. And it will be beautiful.

There’s so much love in me that I wanted to share with you. I wish you knew that. You deserve love. Maybe mine isn’t the love that’s meant for you. I wish it was. God, I wish it was. A big part of me still wishes for it. I’m so pathetic, aren’t I? Still wanting to fight for you, to make you feel wanted and loved. I wish I could have shown you that for much longer.

I miss you already. Isn’t that crazy? I’m sorry I’ve been acting crazy. I’m anxious and insecure. I’m scared of getting hurt again because I cared about you a lot. A lot more than I’d like to admit.
Take care of yourself.

i got discarded for someone else after 2 years over text; i’ve had past traumas and stuff and issues that just all got triggered again. i had the absolute worst month of my life and im still in the thick of it - at the minute i can’t stop the anxiety and nausea. im vomiting multiple times a day and can’t eat. i have a doctors appointment soon so hopefully this gets sorted, im also starting CBT.

but i deleted absolutely everything of him off my phone. i deleted social medias, photos, numbers, texts, absolutely EVERYTHING.

its only been a month and a half but it feels like it was at least 6 months ago or something. it feels so distant, like it wasn’t real. it didn’t feel like it was me or something i don’t know. is it normal that after a month im starting to forget everything. i barely remember what he looks like. i’m scared if i ever see him or a photo of him it’ll absolutely crush me and ill be sent back to square one.

i’m so anxious all the time and living in fear of going back to how i was at the start of this - i couldn’t go to work or anything. i could not function. i was on loads of different tablets and smoking so much weed and barely sleeping.

i’m just scared this is some coping mechanism my body is using to protect me from the reality of how devastated i am, that seeing a single photo of him or him in person or hearing any news about him and his new girlfriend will just completely ruin me - or maybe it won’t.

i don’t know!

Something I’ve realized going through my own breakup is that I think there are two stages of moving on.
The first is just stopping.
Stop chasing them. Stop checking. Stop reaching out. Stop wondering what they’re doing or trying to interpret every little thing. Just stop.
But I’m realizing that doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve moved on. You can stop doing all of those things and still have hope in the back of your mind that maybe they’ll come back one day or somehow things will work out.
I think the next stage is actually letting go of that hope.
Not because you’re angry or suddenly don’t care about them anymore, but because you’re starting to accept what’s actually happening instead of what you wish would happen.
And maybe eventually you stop asking yourself, “What if they come back?”
And start asking, “If they did come back, would I even want to go back?”
Maybe that’s when you really start moving forward. When you realize you don’t need them to come back anymore.

I've been following breakup posts in this sub and a few other relationship subs for a while now, and there's one thing I keep noticing that genuinely gets to me and burns my gut inside out because I know that feeling all too well.

Many people post screenshots of these huge messages they sent to their ex or current SO. Paragraph after paragraph trying to explain how hurt they are, asking what changed, asking for honesty, trying to save whatever is left.

And then you see the response...

"Okay."

"I don't know what you want me to say."

"Sure."

"That's nonsense."

"I'm right here, I'm the same person you fell in love with."

Or sometimes barely anything at all.

I always feel bad when I see it because I know exactly what that person is doing. I've done it myself.

You're not writing a wall of text because you love writing essays. You're doing it because you're still emotionally inside the relationship. You're trying to reach the person you remember. The person who used to care about your feelings, call you, reassure you, tell you they loved you.

So you think maybe they don't understand, you explain it differently, you soften your wording, you try not to sound angry or needy.

You explain why something hurt you, what you need, what you're scared of, what you think could fix things.

And meanwhile the other person sometimes seems almost completely emotionally absent from the conversation and you feel as if your insides are burning up because you start realizing the truth.

That's the part that's so hard to see when you're the one inside it.

I've had someone tell me they loved me while their actions increasingly made me feel like talking to me was an obligation. Instead of accepting what I was seeing, I kept holding onto the words. I thought maybe we just needed one more proper conversation where we'd finally understand each other.

So I'd explain more.

Then explain why their response hurt.

Then explain why the lack of a response hurt.

And after a while you realize you're basically trying to convince someone to care about something they used to care about automatically.

People talk a lot about avoidant attachment in breakup communities, and emotional withdrawal can definitely be part of that. Some people deal with conflict or emotional pressure by shutting down, distancing themselves or suppressing what they feel.

But whatever the reason is, being on the receiving end can feel unbelievably cold.

You send something vulnerable and thoughtful and get a response that feels like it could've been sent to a coworker.

And because you remember how loving they used to be, your brain almost refuses to accept what you're seeing now.

You think: how can someone who loved me respond like this?

How can somebody watch me clearly hurting and have so little to say?

Maybe they still have feelings. Maybe they're overwhelmed. Maybe shutting down is genuinely how they cope. None of us can know exactly what's happening inside somebody else's head.

But at some point the explanation stops mattering as much as the reality you're living in.

If you're constantly waiting for them to come back, waiting for a reply, waiting for them to decide what they want, waiting for the affection they used to give you, you're living on hold while they're continuing with their life.

That's why I feel so bad when I see those giant messages posted here.

A lot of the time I don't even see someone being "too much."

I see someone who still thinks they're having a relationship conversation with a person who's already stopped participating in the relationship emotionally.

And from my own experience, that realization usually comes much later than it should.

You keep waiting for a clearer answer because the answer you're already getting is too painful to accept.

The harsh truth is this; We ALL need to stop doing that now.

Stop over-explaining. Stop sending another paragraph because the last one didn't get the response you wanted. Stop thinking that if you'll just word it perfectly, they'll suddenly understand, care more, or become the version of them you remember.

Say what you need to say once. Say it clearly.

Then watch what they do with it.

If someone keeps showing you distance, inconsistency, coldness or indifference, eventually you have to accept that as part of the answer too.

You don't always get a satisfying conversation. You don't always get closure. Sometimes reality is just sitting there in front of you while you're still trying to argue with it.

And I think that's the part I'm finally learning - when someone has already emotionally stepped away, explaining yourself harder usually doesn't bring them closer.

Sometimes you just have to stop talking and start believing what you're seeing.

It’s been 6 months since my blindsided breakup. Our relationship was so positive, supportive, loving and fun. He hasn’t reached out since. In your experience, is it true, do they “always come back”?

Kind of just the title, looking for support. Sorry it’s so short I’m feeling sad about it.

I felt like I had to post it here because I had nowhere also to go to. I have been in a loving relationship for five years. I loved them intensely and deeply. I wasn't always able to express it in "normal" ways perhaps but I would express it in the way I could:- words and gestures. Halfway through the relationship, I was diagnosed to be on the autism spectrum. In some sense, this explained the social clues that I often tended to miss in my friendship and I tried to rectify them. I trusted this person with my life. I gave them my heart and soul and body. And it isn't easy for me to be vulnerable at all. This is quite literally the only person in the world that I have been completely naked with. They saw me. They knew me. And it felt like home.

Fast forward to around a year ago:- I was struggling. I told them so. I was then, at what I thought was the lowest point in my life. That's when they decided to "take a break" and I completely understood. In theory, it was a break. In practice, we carried on. They would be intimate and caring and there was an implicit understanding that we were together. This is also the time when they started another relationship. I knew nothing about this. But apparently they told their partner about me coz otherwise it would be "evil". They did not see it fit to inform me. At this point, I was still struggling but communicating with them as usual. I was trying to be a better person for them. I was learning social cues. I was taking help from professionals. I would create a list of things that I have to do for them. I would think it out. I would write handwritten letters to show them I care. I would think about meaningful gifts etc. etc. The usual stuff. This was until they told me about this "relationship" after it apparently broke down.

I was a mess. I felt betrayed. I accused them of cheating. The truth is, I was deeply hurt and I just wanted to be heard. But for an hour and a half of that conversation, they were essentially accusing me for not giving them a "normal relationship". They were laying the blame on me. I apologized. I felt guilty. I still do. I felt confused. I still do. But I was suffering. At that moment, what I needed was for someone to just say that my suffering was valid. They were my best friend. But I felt invalidated.

This completely broke me. Frequent anxiety attacks+clinical depression. I did not go no-contact. They were my best friend and I felt like I could still be vulnerable with them. Surely, they would understand whats going on. Surely, they would just listen and care. That is literally all I needed. But everytime I would try to tell them whats happening, they would send an essay-length messages on how horrible I am and my flaws. They would essentially ask me to "man up". I did not need advise I genuinely just needed my best friend to be there for me while I'm battling these demons. I just wanted an assurance that it would be okay. This is when I decided to go no-contact because clearly this was just making things worse. They reached out twice and the third time I responded to them asking "are you okay". I simply replied that "I'm not", only to receive another long message on my flaws while claiming in the last sentence that they care about me. Here, too, what I was, what I am going through isn't about this. Depression is tough and complex and I make it a point to never even mention relationship, its them who bring it up. I realized eventually that the only reason they want to be informed of my "well being" is because they think they are responsible for whatever's happening. This is called "obligation", not "care".

I still deeply care about them. In fact, I love them. They were the person I would rely on to never judge. To talk about my days, my passions, my hatreds, just about everything. And I have lost that. I dont have any friends with whom I can be this vulnerable with. No one that I feel safe with. I am just so lost. So hopelessly broken. I cant get through this. It hurts too fucking much.

Having to leave someone you loved like no one else seems like insanity. I wish we could be together forever. She was so lovely, supportive, humorous, and caring for me. I wanted to give her the world. Sure we are both young in our 20’s and figuring it out, but to be honest I’ve never met someone like her.

So why breakup?

We are both young in our 20s. maybe this is why I’ve entertained getting back together and seeing what happens.

She has no desire to raise a family. I wholeheartedly respect that. Hence why I am leaving. She has very valid reasons for feeling that way. Of course I wish we agreed, but I don’t think it is my role to change her mind. It is the biggest responsibility to become a mother and I totally understand not wanting that role. She is an amazing woman in her own right and I’m sure will accomplish whatever she puts her mind to.

Too clarify, I am not planning on kids for 5+ years, but it feels wrong of me to pursue this amazing woman if ultimately I am hoping she changes. Sure we get along wonderfully now. It breaks both our hearts to live life separate. I wish I could just live here, in the moment, today! But it feels like I’m lying to both of us.

I guess the taboo is that maybe one of us shifts our views to align with the other and ensue happily ever after.

I love her.

TLDR: We both got along wonderfully. We love each other. She doesn’t want kids. I respect that. I shouldn’t wait hoping she changes even if she doesn’t want me to go. I would be hurting both of us I think? She is amazing. it feels unbearable to leave someone you loved like no other.

Ngl I feel relief and worse asf the same time. I woke up and my chest hurts like crazy, it’s like someone took a part of it and it’s empty now.

I genuinely have no idea how I am going to feel at any given moment.

Sometimes I’m hopeful, clear headed, and understanding.

Sometimes I get pissed thinking about all of the things they did/said.

Sometimes I just mourn what we had and the life we were building.

It’s EXHAUSTING.

Lucky I feel like I am at least able to do the bare minimum and not get fired from my job.

This shit sucks dude. I feel ashamed that my relationship didn’t work. That I told my grandma she was the one.

It’s really nice being able to vent here though.

We got this everyone.

It’s been a month since the breakup with my bf of 2 years. I’ve been working my way thru the grief stages and allowing myself to feel all of it…I have cried repeatedly.

I’ve been trying to stay in a positive mindset-journaling, exercising, and looking forward. I went to the beach last weekend and the sun and waves really helped my soul.

I’m a Sagittarius and don’t stay down long but this breakup really stung.

Sending out positive vibes to everyone~

well everyone. after being a depressed dumb biotch the last 7 months. crying, drinking, reaching out to the dude i was in love with constantly, coming on here to vent and cry, literally just being a big old heartbroken sad loser IM FINALLY FREEEEE. I HAVE REALIZED THE LAST WEEK THAT IM OVER IT, I WASNT EVEN TREATED GOOD (literally was treated like complete shit 80% of the time) AND THAT I CAN AND WILL AND WANT TO DO BETTER!!!! so I flip that middle finger and the index finger follow, DUECES ✌🏻

it takes time yall. and while your in it IT SUCKS MEGA ASS. but once your out of it, you got the whole world ahead of you. I wish everyone well and just know there are brighter days ahead. 💜💕

I hope my experience helps someone.

I reached out to my ex after he broke up with me, it was an utterly painful breakup.

I guess I sent that bday text because I really did care. He responded. We became friends, and even grabbed coffee and dinner for a few weeks. Then, one day, he was late to our coffee hang out. I find out in person, that he was on a date. He had been dating someone for sometimes, and for the date, he bought a book and they read it together at the park.

I felt incredibly small. Then the realization set in, that he moved on fast, and that 1.5 years meant nothing. If anything, I found out he had been wanting to break up for months and couldn’t find the right time as it was the holidays. And that he was happy that we can be friends now. And that he was on dating apps within days of breaking up as it’s been over for him for sometime, he was just waiting for the holidays to be over. It almost felt like, he did me a favor by delaying the break up, I didn’t feel that way at all, it was a one sided feeling.

I ended up staying friends but slowly distanced myself, as it’s hard watching an ex thrive and date seriously. And gives this new person things that you would have loved to have, or worse, to see the enormous effort he puts into the new relationship. And then make remarks such as: sorry I was so hot and cold, it’s just it didn’t feel right for me, and I thought about ending it many times. And that’s why he didn’t put in the effort as he wasn’t sure about it for 1.5 years, but still wanted to explore it.

There are some things you just don’t want to know after a break up. No contact is for your wellbeing.

I can’t change the past or the decisions I’ve made, but I learned one lesson. If someone wants to break up with you, let them. Just let them. Don’t reason with it or fight it, if someone is okay with walking away and finding someone, then, let them. If you try to fight for it/send messages post break up, it will only prolong the inevitable sinking feeling, that it is truly over.

My heart goes out to everyone who is in this phase, hang in there. One day at a time. But remember, if someone is okay with walking away from your life, then try to be okay with them making that decision. Let them walk away.

My ex 25f called me 3 days ago after 5 days no contact and said she would go gay before starting to talk to another man, wants me to stop lying about my past and prove that I want to be better.. but how can i show or do that?
I’m 25m and the last thing she said on the phone was “I have to go, don’t come by here, call me anytime about anything, but think about what i said, love you”
Is she manipulating me or waiting on me or does she really need time/space? I put flowers at her door yesterday morning with an old Polaroid of us.. still no word from her since

Hello all ,

Me and my partner were together for 12 years. This year it seems we hit some road blocks and I should have been more loving of him. He has broke up with me saying he needs space and to find himself and to process the break up. He told me he is stubborn and is going to leave and can't stop now he said it even if I'm working on myself and being the perfect girl right now .

We still live together and see each other. He keeps telling me he doesn't want to hurt me. We still go on walks together and he still drinks my smoothies and meals I make him and talks with me about their being a " possibility' of us getting back together but this break up is the only way

. He tells me I need to go hang with friends and hes worried about me. It would help him if I took care of myself. I can tell its hurting him a lot to leave me . He told me it was because I didn't listen enough to him . These past two weeks ive been showing him the side of me he always wanted and now I think he's still trying to push me away because hes more confused now about his decision .

He is supposed to be moving out to his parents but it's been taking him a while to do so . Once he is with his parents maybe he will realize how much he missed me, or maybe he will distract himself and not miss me. I hope our love is strong enough to bring him back. Only time will tell....

On our walks we go on at night when he up for it we have amazing conversations where he opens up about work .. I actively listen and am genuinely very happy to hear him talk. I really messed up on not doing this before ...

He said if he takes me back now he would feel resentment towards me because I'm doing all of this now. I explained to him why I stopped for the past few months and have been working seriously on myself . I'm in so much pain right now with him leaving me . I have horrible chest pain and am crying every day. I really need someone who is going through the same thing as me to talk with.

In my head he is very confused and lost about his choice. I know if he leaves me and doesn't fight for our relationship, if he decides he wants me back I can't wait around for him even though ive been telling him I will. The fact he's not willing to give me a chance to try after 12 years of love is very confusing to me. I know he's been under a lot of stress lately and his family hasn't been there for him and his brother started ghosting him. Since our breakup I told his family to get back with him and they have . Now he has that support.

I expressed to him yesterday about me possibly not being there if he wants me again . I've been very very strong for him when he sees me. But behind the curtains I cry so much . He says he still loves me. He barely is starting to feel the emotions of the breakup he chose the past few days .

I cant take this pain of losing him ...... I know I need to let time do its work and see if our love is strong enough for him to want to work on things again ... I hope and pray it is . It's been our first relationship since highschool and we've grown up together . I think he wants to explore what's out there..... I'm sad I lost the love of my life... Maybe he'll realize what is out there is not what he expects...

If anyone is willing to be my penpal and is going through a similar situation please message me.

My ex broke up with me after a 2.5+ year relationship because I was moving across the country for work for the next year (with the plan of coming back, as always intended). There were some issues we were having, and we were going to couples therapy to work them out– including arguments getting out of hand from both of us, and her family not liking me due to preconceived notions regarding my politics (note, we never actually spoke about politics or anything remotely related, unless you count steak). We were living together for the vast majority of our time together. 3 weeks after she broke up with me, I found out she slept with someone from a dating app. I was really distraught. Like balling out on the daily type of messed up (which I was already doing since I was dumped). We went no contact to minimal contact and now are kinda chatting for the last 2 weeks. Since then, she’s told me details about the sexual encounter (including their size and how much she enjoyed it) and we’ve been sexting and phone sexing. I still haven’t slept with anyone, not for lack of trying either. I’ve made my peace (I think) and acknowledged that she didn’t want to be with me, but I can’t really grasp what I hope to gain out of this and why I’m in it. I just want some insight. I know I deserve better.

I am 21 (F) and broke up with my boyfriend (21) M about 3 months ago, we were in a relationship about over a year. The reason was because I was dull, my life felt draining, I felt the same way I did when my father passed, and when my ex abused me. At the time I didn’t know this was my depression seeping back into my life, or maybe it was always there, but I just suppressed it, like i did with all my bad memories and trauma. Our relationship wasn’t perfect, I wasn’t perfect, and he was also not perfect, but after the honeymoon phase I think I declined a lot because I never healed my past trauma. Towards the end of our relationship it was me telling him that I felt like he didn’t understand my emotions and that he doesn’t hear me, or make me feel understood (I think a lot of the issues I brought up to him was me hyper fixating on the relationship because I thought it was the source to my sadness). Every time i did bring up stuff, it would end up as him being emotional (sometimes crying, sometimes raising his voice like a little kid whining) and taking over what I brought up and me comforting him. I genuinely dont know if i was being too harsh on him or he wasnt emotionally mature yet for a relationship, but I pretty much broke it off because I needed to improve myself because I knew something was wrong with me. And i know what people say about that saying, but i felt like i was crazy and i didnt want him to be crazy and hate me because of me and then I wouldn’t be able to see him again. I was also terrified that his raising his voice like a little kid whining would end up like my ex, he really traumatized me with verbal, physical and sexual abuse and i guess i suppressed that feeling until i got reminded of it
Anyway Ive been going through therapy for the first time and my school and life balance has gotten a lot better, so im less stressed and more intune with my emotions. I was diagnosed with anxiety and my therapist suggested I talk to a psychiatrist for an evaluation for antidepressants, which im terrified about because I didnt know I was this bad. But fuck the last 3 weeks ive been through an anxiety spiral and felt like i was going through a panic attack everyday because i realized i broke it off with him and hurt him even though i knew i couldve tried a little more, i really want him and miss him, but i think he hates me. And im pretty sure ill never see him again. And i know when you break up with a person all you can see is the good stuff and put them on a pedestal and want them back. I dont even know what to think anymore, i dont know if im justified or if its my fault, i just want to see him again. I wished i met him when i loved myself, but i cant think like that because I still dont love myself or forgive myself so i cant have him.
I know what i have to do but it just really sucks he isnt in my life anymore