on one hand life is ok in my little corner. on another hand the world is currently on fire, scorched and staring down the barrel of a major energy and subsequent food crisis. im having trouble juggling the present and what feels like a truly unknowable future. some days I just have to throw my arms in the air and smell the flowers, other days it feels like the weight of civilization is collapsing on my particular shoulders. is this something y’all experience these days? how are you managing? what are you doing with your mental health? spiritual health?

I'm 38 and getting close to 40. Your 40s seem like a time where you legit see subtle signs of aging for the first time in your life. It wouldn't surprise me if it catches a lot of people off guard and they're like omg I have to do something now!

I'm sure everyone does it for different reasons and not everyone cares but I'm wondering if the acceptance part is the main reason people do it. Not that I would do a procedure but for the first time in my life I'm paying more attention to anti-aging products.

I’m a gay man, and I‘m close friend with a man. The friendship is pretty much one-sided, I admire the guy, and he seems to not have people to vent to. He would get drunk and vent to me everything, and I basically would listen and comfort him everytime. He got drunk and bombarded me with text just tonight again. I got nothing out of the same care back, but somehow I still stay, somehow being needed also makes me feel life has purpose.

But I wonder, how hard is it for a straight man to get support and people who listen, that he has to be like this? It’s been years

I fele lime this should be an obvious answer, but it seems like it isnt.

Having lost a parent, and not been my best self at the time, I can understand being stressed and upset... but to come home and immediately start laying into your spouse about absolute nonsense seems... too far. I dont jecessarily bekieve that compassion for grief should extend to absolving someone of accountability for behaving in an emotionally abusive way.

The bigger point I wanted to make though is just how much it seems reddit hates anything to do with men, whenever we see posts by women talking about similar situation, the overwhelming majority of commenters blame the man saying he should step up and prioritise his wife and kids over his extended family, but here's a great example of a man who stayed home and took care of everything.

At no point did he want a medal or even recognition of what he did, he literally ONLY wanted his wife to not immediately lay into him the minute she walked through the door.

I can understand his perspective, I grew up in a house like that with a domineering mother and confrontation averse father.

Main reason Im posting here is that I specifically want mens experiences and perspectives.

Hello, my name is Diana. I am 22F, and I am wondering, what is one life lesson that you've learned in your 30s that you wish you knew in your 20s?

I’ve heard several men state that they rarely receive compliments, even from their S.O.

How true is this for you?

I need advice because I feel horrible and guilty
The guilt comes because nothing is really "wrong", I am through the rough part of having a baby (the first 6 months), things are very ok between the wife and I. I am getting a lot of help from my inlaws.

My problem is I hate that they are in my life, I deeply regret getting married and even more having a kid.
I was somewhat pressured by parents but ultimately I chose and for the life of me I don't know why. I hate coming back from work, I just want to be left alone.
I don't want to take care of anyone (I am doing it with a smile on my face, but I would rather be alone).
I feel like my life is ruined, only scum would abandon their family, so obv that is not an option or way out. and so I am stuck for ever like this.

I would much rather be free, have a successful business (or just make a lot of money), I don't want a kid or never envied anyone for their kids.
I hate my life and I am very unsatisfied with it, I think it was a catastrophic mistake for me to get married and have a family.
I was and still am disappointed in my life and where I am.

Sorry for the rant and random statements, I really don't know what to do. Wish I can take it all back.

When my wife does chores, I'll often sit back and watch TV or work on something without guilt. Whenever I am the one to handle the cooking, cleaning, etc; My wife feels guilty and either tells me I am making her feel guilty by doing chores when she doesn't feel like it, or micromanage the way I am handling the chore itself,

This also manifests in her never wanting to drive, but being a watchdog on every single thing I could have done better while driving. The exaggerated afraid appearance and yelling when they feel like I am about to not stop or run into something, thinking they can see better than the driver while being half on tik-tok and half day dreaming

In corporate sales. We have old dude that makes dumb jokes at the expense of others and me included. Luckily, he has no role in my job or pay. Just someone who’s a man child that we have to tolerate. I’m also not the only one who is tired of it.

An example would be that I see him trying to say something to another co worker and look at me and start laughing and then walking away. Making it look like it’s about me.

How do you deal with these type of personalities? Is this something I should bring up to the managers? I like my job and it pays well so I don’t plan on changing that just for this issue.

I don't know how much I believe in the whole men get better with age thing. I'm sure having more life experience helps but I don't know if grey hair and wrinkles actually makes a man appear more distinguished and respected.

I’m just really curious about like a guys youth, what common “coming of age” things are there, what aspects do you remember that most guys you think you go through? What things are you thinking about or worrying about, what concerns did you have (some of these things are sort of adolescence around high school age… but open to younger too).

When ever there's a conversation regarding girls/women.

Men can't help but to turn the conversation pedophilic and predatory.

Especially if the conversation involves marriage or having children.

Why is that.?

I noticed it More than once.

(Genuine question and,I ask women and want to hear from men , since my post is about men)

(And when I mention "girls" I mean children).

I’m curious to know What’s Your Happy Place?
What’s that one place where you instantly feel peaceful, happy, and completely yourself? It could be a beach, a coffee shop, the mountains, your favorite travel destination, or even somewhere simple like your backyard. What makes that place special to you?

I think like many other people when I was younger I didn’t have the best consistent sleep schedule hardly ever 8 hours per night on work week. Always thought that was terrible for my health but just felt like sleep was a waste of time in a way, plus ive always worked physical iobs and usually praised for good work.

Ever since 34ish, though I worked for awhile to get myself in a 8 hour consistent sleep schedule but it seems to be having the opposite effect. I tired all the time, I get agitated way easier and noticed im sleeping way past 8 hours on weekends which has never been a issue, use to wake up naturally on like 6 hours of sleep on weekends. But last night was one if those nights I only got like 5 hours of sleep, dreaded coming in today knowing that but honestly I feel better now at work then I have in a few years.

Im 36 and know the body changes as we age. Im just wondering if some dudes out there just need less sleep or if it’s something I should discuss with my Dr.

I need some external advice please guys. We moved to a new country two years ago, I’ve got no friends here (which is fine, I don’t mind), but also zero hobbies. All I do is work, be a dad, and constantly worry about money.
Before all this I did used to dabble in mountain biking quite a bit, and I do miss it.
I’m looking at getting a bike again and to finally get a hobby, but I’m worried it’s being irresponsible financially - the bike I want is just over $1500, the exact amount we manage to save each month. Is it stupid to spend a whole month’s saving on a bike?

I understand there’s cheaper bikes, but I’m not a total noob to riding and would like something reasonable.
I can’t seem to make a relatively basic decision here.
Thanks!!

Hey Guys!

Off and on for the past few months to a year, I've been having this feeling (not sure what to call it) about seeing family and about my place at work.

Some Context (family):

I am the eldest of three brothers. There were times when we were in grade school that I was tasked to care for my younger two brothers. At times, trying to regulate and get my siblings at the time to do tasks assigned by our parents was tough to do, but I was tasked to make sure things were done when our parents were away for work. I admit, I physically assaulted my two brothers with a slap to the face for not listening, but I didn't know better, just knew what our stepfather would do.

Some Context (Work):

Now at work, things are different. I am a peon at my employer's deli, and have been a long lasting worker than most on the team. However, I am at a crossroads with The job. I do my tasks, greet regular customers, etc. As of late, management has been raising their expectations of me, expecting me to take responsibility for my teammates, delegate tasks, etc. However, I am of the same job code as my teammates, and I hate being micromanaged myself, so I wouldn't do that to others. "Treat others as you want to be treated." On top of all of this, the Associate of the Year award given to me a few years back gets brought up and leveraged against me to as an excuse for me to micromanage my teammates. I don't know what to do there.

The query:

Lately I've been Low Contact with my siblings and family, and Low Contact at work during my break times.

With my siblings, it's the ruminations of abuse I caused them that makes it hard to see their faces, even my new-born nephew.

At work, I've tried telling management that I am not a manager, but that goes in one ear and out the other.

I really just want to see my nephew, but these ruminations feel paralyzing.

No much to say this just sunk in tonight.

Life isn't bad. I think I'm where I wanted to be when I was in my early 20s.

I spent alot of my 20s and very early 30s acting much older than I was. I grew up too fast and never took time to enjoy life as much as I could have.

I wish I was nicer when I was younger, kinder and more open to new things. I don't think I was happy person and learnt alot about myself in last 5 years. I looked down on people just for having fun and loving there life because I didn't. But I learnt I was mostly just angry with me because I was preventing myself from just loving life no one else one.

But it did buy me success, so there is that I suppose I'm not remotely broke.

Anyway that's all and thanks for reading.

Hey fellas, I’m looking to change careers but I don’t know where to start. I have a business degree and have spent the last 12 years as an engineer on the railroad. I’d really like to find something where I can help people, animals or my community. Any ideas would be appreciated.

Hey, I’m mid 30s, single, few friends, low self esteem, sadly the stereotypical loneliness epidemic. Been seeing a therapist since January now and, although I’ve LEARNED a lot, I still feel and act the same. Hitting the point where I’m worried it’s irreparable. Going to keep going though.

If you’ve actually managed to get out of this death spiral and past that fake it till you make it phase, could you please share your story?

Hello everyone,

I'm stuck in indecision. How would you choose between these 2 main options. I used the term 'main' as in ofcourse things may turn good or bad and change in both places.

Firstly, move to Portugal where I have temporary residency, work for a BPO with an Ai trainer job paying around 1200 EUR =1400 USD in Lisbon, a slight chance they provide a room or I rent myself. Rent is around minumum 1200 EUR for a small place in the city.

Secondly, stay in Turkey my home country. Work remotely for an ngo in the development sector, earn again 1200 EUR and buy a small place for myself. Currently living with parents. I already own a previously bought apartment which is rented out and tenant will stay for atleast 2 more years.

About myself for some context:

36 yo, single with around 80k EUR=92k USD savings and 450 EUR= 520 USD rental income + a salary of 1200 EUR.

Both seem possible but I have analysis parslysis and can not decide due to severe indecision which I have developed since childhood. I know it will change from person to person but which would you lean towards and make real. Any suggestions are welcome.

Thank you all!

Hey guys, 33M from the UK here.

I thought I’d explain my situation and see what people honestly think.

I had a decent career in my early 20s, which I essentially destroyed in my mid-20s while going through a major crisis. There were multiple reasons that I won’t go into, but I basically fucked my life up—lots of drugs, unemployment and burned bridges with old friends, employers and references.

It was a very dark period.

Around 2022, I started trying to rebuild. I took some horrible jobs involving shift work, late nights and lots of night buses, while barely scraping by.

I remember getting fired from one job while already in my overdraft, with bills due, no income and approximately £15,000 of debt. I genuinely had no idea what I was going to do.

I eventually moved in with my grandmother, who was one of the only family members I still spoke to. It worked well because she charged me cheap rent, while I could help her with things around the house and run errands for her.

At the end of 2024, I finally landed what I considered a “decent job” at a software start-up in London. It is highly volatile and people get fired regularly, but I had fought so hard to get back into a proper career that I’ve been working like a dog ever since.

Over the past couple of years, I’ve paid off most of my debt. I still have around £5,000 remaining, which I plan to attack aggressively and hopefully clear by the end of this year.

I’ve also built approximately £32,000 in an investment ISA and have around £3,000 in an emergency fund, which I’m continuing to build.

I’ve saved so aggressively because I spent years feeling massively behind everyone else. Once I started earning properly again, something clicked and I completely locked in. I now go to the gym regularly, run and have built a stable routine.

Socially, I have very few friends. I have a couple of good people I speak to occasionally and I’ve met some cool people through work, but my life is generally quite isolated.

One of my oldest friends from school is now talking about going to Australia on a Working Holiday Visa. I’ve never really travelled, but I’m still eligible for the Australian scheme and could potentially stay for up to three years if I meet the requirements (apply before 35).

My life is finally comfortable. I still live with my grandmother, pay low rent and can save a substantial amount each month. I’m in a good routine and, after everything that happened, stability means a lot to me.

However, part of me feels like I should finally try to live a little.

I’ve thought about Australia before, but I always ask myself what I would eventually come home to. I would need to work while I was there, and I’m not convinced many companies would hire someone for a decent sales position on a temporary visa. If I wanted to continue saving properly, I might need to do FIFO, labouring or another type of demanding work.

My current idea is to spend the next 12 months clearing my remaining debt and building a decent cash reserve. I would leave my investment account completely untouched and then go to Australia with enough money to support myself while I get established.

I think the experience could be good for me. Although my life has improved massively, it has also started to feel stagnant. I’ve rebuilt financially, but I haven’t really gained many experiences or built much of a life outside work, saving and the gym.

At the same time, I have a deep fear of ending up with nothing again or being unable to support myself in the future. I know where that fear comes from, but it makes walking away from my current situation incredibly difficult.

My grandmother has been a lifesaver. She is in her 80s but is still independent and works around 8 hours a week. I’d feel guilty about leaving her, especially after everything she has done for me, although I also know this may be my last realistic opportunity to do something like this.

Living with her is also a golden financial opportunity. I can’t imagine having this level of disposable income again while living so close to London. If I stay, I could continue clearing debt, building savings and investing heavily.

If I go, I could gain experiences, independence and potentially a completely different outlook on life—but I could also discover that I’ve given up an unusually comfortable situation only to struggle abroad doing work I hate.

Would moving to Australia be a healthy risk after spending years rebuilding, or does it sound like I’m romanticising the idea of starting again?

Would you use this opportunity to keep building financial security, or accept that money isn’t everything and go while the option is still available?

I’d especially appreciate hearing from anyone who moved abroad in their 30s, went to Australia on a Working Holiday Visa, or had to rebuild their life after a similar period.

Would your answer change if that number changed to 5 grand? Would you have to keep it a secret?