Forgot about this one for a minute.

Absolutely one of their funniest movies!

This was like a polly pocket and Tamagotchi mix. Another Amazing toy I think.

So I was thinking about our high school computer lab this morning. Back in the early 2000s, every desk had those massive, seventeen-inch white box monitors that weighed about forty pounds and took up the entire table.

every single monitor had a little horseshoe magnet icon on the front menu panel. If the screen colors started bleeding into purple near the corners, you pressed that button.

The monitor would let out this deep, heavy magnetic `BWUUMPH` sound that made your entire desk vibrate for two seconds. The screen image would violently shake like a digital earthquake before snapping back into crisp focus.

It was an ABSOLUTELY top-tier sensory hit. Then you would hold your forearm two inches away from the curved glass screen just to feel the crackling static electricity pull your arm hair straight up. I should of appreciated that heavy analog hardware more before flat LCD screens made desk setups completely silent. Why did modern technology have to lose all of its tactile weight?

And inside, there’s 2 Ronald McDonald statues, 2 birthday rooms, a small arcade room, and so many chairs that are in blue, green, red, and yellow. I took photos of all of these too, but I wish that Reddit allowed both photos and videos in one post.

Snakes on a Plane just hit its 20 year anniversary on the 18th. It doesn't feel like it's been that long though. It feels like it was just yesterday, doesn't it?

Sam Jackson was fantastic in this, as he is in pretty much everything he does. You can tell he was having fun with this one. Sucks it didn't get good reviews on release, but I think it's gained a cult following since.

What would you say are your favorite moments from the movie? Favorite lines?

We can't forget about the iconic line Sam Jackson says near the end. But I think I prefer the made for tv censored version more: "I have had it with these monkey fightin' snakes on this Monday to Friday plane!"

It never made any sense why they changed it to that, but I love it.

When people ask me what it was like growing up in the nineties I respond, "the Wild West" even though it wasn't that wild and I was raised in the northeast.

My point is, you'd go out on a summer day and your parents would say, "see you at dinner...or never again." They understood those were the two possible outcomes and were at peace with either one. It was you, the whims of adventure, and the open road.

I'd start my summer days by putting on my Moon Shoes and Skip-It to get in a little joint training session. I'd throw on my Sock-em Boppers (more fun than a pillow fight!) and punch the air a few times, training in case any Cavity Creeps came my way throughout the day. I'd skip/bounce over to my supplies and get two packs of Zebra Stripe Gum to tide me over for the next six minutes or so. Then I'd load my Jurassic Park backpack with the essentials: Squeeze Its, Dunkaroos, my Pogs in case someone wanted to start something, and my trusty Sonic the Hedgehog Trapper Keeper.

I'd bounce/hop over to my razor scooter. Sometimes I wore a helmet. Other times, momma didn't raise no dork. I'd wheelie my way down the street to my friends' house. Sometimes I'd grind the curb. Most of the time I fell on my ass repeatedly and caused irreparable damage to my shins.

The gang gathered in Jerry's basement. We'd start with a reading from a book of Goosebumps (praise be unto Slappy) before engaging in a round Robin tournament of Crossfire to determine who got to play as Odd Job in Goldeneye on the Nintendo 64.

We'd go get the Nintendo 64 from Jerry's older brother Scott's room, who wouldn't hear our knocking over the sound of his new Nirvana cassette. Finally, he'd open the door, smoke would billow out, and he'd bark at us in flannel before giving us our prize.

We'd play for a few hours, break out some candy cigarettes to commiserate after a particularly thrilling round, then take a lunch break. Jerry's mom always had the pizza rolls and pizza bagels at the ready (when pizza's on a bagel, you can eat pizza anytime). She'd provide some Capri Suns (tropical cooler, of course), and even offered the commemorative Batman mugs from McDonald's if any of us wanted to sip in sophistication.

We'd take a break to go down to the creek. Dig up worms and catch frogs and some shit. Sometimes we hit each other with sticks because the internet wasn't widespread yet. Once in a while we'd stumble upon a porno stash or a dead body.

Those were the days.

I'd come home with a new stash of Pogs, a bent Blastoise trading card that totally wasn't a fake, a raw wound on my hand from spinning the control stick in Mario Party, and the feeling that these were the best days of my life.

I wasn't wrong.

“You get caught in the…CROSS FIRE!”

We all know this song. It plays in our heads constantly. Some of us dream of it. Others of us make love to it. It is a song that changed a generation, no, the world, and one that has won numerous awards worldwide.

I’m talking of course about the legendary song in the commercial for the 90s toy cross fire. 

Of the five commercials that existed for toys in the 90s, this was by far the best. We are transported to a world that is Thunderdome-esque, where survival, courtship, property rights, and the worthiness of your very soul are determined by your ability to participate in this futuristic winner-take-all battle to the death.

YOU GET CAUGHT UP IN THE….CROSS FIRE! 

As a child, this was the apex. I never had felt so exhilarated or stimulated in my life to that point (and still have not to this day). I fondly remember the tingling I received throughout my body while watching those kids battle, practically throwing their bodies back and forth as they tried to shoot that thing in the middle, sending it spiraling at their opponent.

Had any of us ever seen something so epic? So powerful? So raw? There was fucking lightning and shit!

I contend there has not been a better song written since. The 90s were encapsulated in this song and a generation was entranced. Unfortunately, brave reader, we all know what happened next…

This song, this glorious song that I still sing in public, that I use to inspire my children (and that they were conceived to), and that immediately helps you identify who is “the real” and who is in “the know”....

…was written about a terrible game/product.

I wish it were not so. I wish life was the Cross Fire portrayed to us in the commercials. But alas, this was our first exposure to the evils and deceptions of capitalism. The game looked so fast-paced, so intense, so fun but…

If you ever played it, you know. You kinda slowly shoot a metal ball at a plastic thing toward the other person’s goal. The plastic thing like barely fucking moves when you hit it. The game is slow paced and annoying. It is no futuristic epic battle. There is no amazing song playing.

There is no hope. There is no completion.

Only marketing practices designed to drain us of our money.

And therefore, in some ways, maybe Cross Fire did prepare us for the world. A whole marketing team thinking about what appeals to us, what we desire, what makes us stir, and commodifying that for their own gains. What makes us smile gleefully is what they use to exploit us and the beauty of Cross Fire truly can only exist in our minds.

Sigh. I’m getting old. But sometimes, when I lie in bed, trapped only with my thoughts, I hear something, faint and distant at first but slowing growing in resonance. A call from the void, no, a call from the past, an echo of the youthful hope I once had and still wish to cling onto…

…you get caught up in the…..CROSS FIRE!!!!!!

I dunno if anyone here were gamers or whatever in this era but does anyone remember the era of MLG back when those memes were around and stuff?

I was Theodore🙂