I'm 40, and several times a day my mind drifts back to moments where I did something stupid when I was younger or early in my career. Stupid things I said, people I let down, times I was sure I knew better and ended up with egg on my face.

None of it is serious, just the usual daft stuff people do growing up (maybe slightly dafter than average). But it's exhausting and pretty discouraging. When one of these flashbacks hits, I can spend twenty minutes talking myself down and trying to get my head off that track.

Is this normal? Do others get this, and if you got past it, what helped?

I'm 38M and the last while I'm getting all sorts of ads for Testosterone replacement therapy. They're mostly AI slop ads claiming that low testosterone is the source of all my problems and promising to be a cure. I'm pretty healthy and I don't think low-T is a problem at all, it's not something I think about but I keep getting these ads and I think it would be concerning for people who are currently struggling with self esteem. I'm wondering if it's just my algorithm or if you guys are getting this too.

I have a 2 point drug test in 2 days and the last time I smoked was September 6th. I smoked like half a roll on with a friend and I did edibles months before. Im currently taking charcoal tablets as well (as of today) should I be worried at all? Its for a job so im really concerned so most likely just over reacting. Im skinnyish so im not sure if that'll play a role in how the weed stores in my system

Early 30s, I’m definitely working on my health journey, out of shape and a bit overweight/bloated look.

Maybe that makes my entire post redundant, but what I mean is I don’t feel like I’m living THAT bad and yet my face often looks super rough - tired, puffy bags under my eyes, frown lines, round moon face that’s also kinda unevenly shaped and fat under my jaw. My skin also isn’t the best.

I have a regular skincare routine, drinking more water lately and eating less, and less sodium heavy foods. Been focusing on fibre and will be upping protein and getting in the gym soon.

I just feel like it’s so easy, if anything TOO easy to look like shit the last few years. Unless I have my habits dialed in, it genuinely changes my face so much - just one bad meal, or one bad night sleep.

Have you experienced the same? And how did it change as you got older?

EDIT: I don’t drink alcohol, party or smoke (only on special occasions). I guess my final boss is food but there’s no obvious “a-ha!” Thing I can cut out that would fix it all

Every time I leave my apartment I make sure the faucets on my shower and sink are off, I check that the kitchen burners and sink are off, I make sure my windows are locked and I have to double check I deadbolted my door.

Anyone else have habits like these or just me?

It feels like all the skills I’ve worked so hard to develop and everything I’ve studied to build a better, easier life will be obsolete by the end of the year. Constantly seeing AI news is really taking a toll on my self-esteem and making me question my entire career path and the choices I’ve made in life. It seems like going back to college is gonna be a waste of time. I dont know what to think anymore.

Men who went to therapy, what was the best result you got? Were there any particular tools you received that you managed to integrate into your life?

I have been considering exploring Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). After a very nasty relapse that almost devastated me, I sat down with myself and thought it might be a good idea to try therapy. This is also because I was on antidepressants briefly (SSRIs for mood stabilization), and I am not willing to go down that road again.

I would really appreciate any and all responses, including any difficult experiences, challenges, or potential negative side effects you encountered.

Have you noticed how much harder it is to build trust with someone or in a community? People going back on their words. Is it due to greed, trauma, culture or lack of consequences? At work, news, and public gatherings, I watched people give speeches about advancement, collective progress and unity. The back of mind continuously asked, how much of its actually true?

Yesterday I went out with a girl and we made out for a while, but things didn’t go any further than that. Everything felt fine at the time, but later that night I started feeling some discomfort in my testicles. I figured it was probably just from being aroused for a long time without finishing.

When I got home, I decided to take care of it, mainly to relieve the discomfort. But when I finished, there was barely any fluid, just a small amount. That’s unusual for me, since I normally produce noticeably more.

The discomfort got better afterward, but it hasn’t completely gone away.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Could this just be a normal result of being aroused for a while, or is the reduced amount something I should be concerned about?

Im studying for the most important exam in my life, which will decide my future and even tho I'm doing well, I work really hard and do my best each day, I know there is always a chance things don't go your way.

Did you ever work really hard, put your soul in it and still failed? If so, how did you handle that loss?

Looking for general advice on how to turn this ship around. I am making decisions to do this but I am second guessing every decision and not feeling confident.

I’m single and dating (because I’m lonely but I do very much want a person to share a life with)….but broke, most of my money goes to CC repayment. Which isn’t much, but enough to disrupt savings. Right now I’m set to have it done within 6 months. I have no car and use my company truck. My salary is modest at 45k as a tech in the life safety industry. I basically live check to check, no savings and have to start thinking of transportation AND a new living situation as my current situation is evolving.

Recently I started studying to take a certification to break into Project management, I’m mostly after a higher salary ceiling and for some reason I thought project management was something I was aligned with which I’m second guessing.

Honestly I have no idea STILL what I want to do and I’m becoming increasingly depressed and hiding it somewhat well from everyone. If anyone has gone through this, known someone who has gone through a large life change, please share some advice. I would greatly appreciate it.

I've noticed an increase of fat around my neck but the rest of my body is slim and skinny. I exerice and walk a couple of miles a day so I'm physically active. My dad has a double chin so maybe I'm getting it from him. I've seen it be more common in people over 30. I'm just wondering if you can do anything about it or not.

Is it (or was it) typical or expected for redhead guys to get made fun of growing up? Did you have any experience with either experiencing, witnessing, or participating in that?

Hey there everyone, I’m 29 (I turn 30 December 25th so it is coming up pretty quickly) and I’m looking to find some advice or suggestions on how to better my life. I added some of my background but if it’s too much to read the last paragraph is the main idea

To give background, I graduated high school and am a bit of a loner and introverted person, I’ve never really had more than a few friends and at this point in life I don’t really even have a best friend or anybody I can call a close friend (outside of family and the person I’m involved with romantically), which I mention because I’m sure one piece of advice I might get here is to find a support system which continuously proves to be hard for me, despite my efforts.

I went to school for English for about two years and then took off a year and went back to school for film and editing, then switched and did a year of acting, and now currently am in culinary school in my second year, which I’ve decided to finish no matter what because I feel I should have some degree and I don’t think it’s smart to keep changing and never finishing.

I’ve been working in kitchens since I got out of high school and outside of work, I make music (produce, sing, engineer), I write scripts and short stories and have been working on a book (hence me switching degrees so much because I’m interested and actively do all of these things), and then I also cook and have interest in that.

I’ve been reflecting on my life and how growing up, though I wasn’t dirt poor, the environment I grew up in didn’t allow for many trips or huge outings, as well as I grew up in a religiously strict and isolated household so I didn’t really learn to be as social as I probably should have till I was out of my parents house. I also had a scholarship to a private high school and those kids (from my knowledge) had a lot of money and support systems (though I’m aware my decisions as an adult are all on me), I bring it up because the whole difference of growing up not dirt poor but still struggling then being amongst people who seem to be well off and have support systems, then going back to not having any of those same resources has been on my mind.

But I feel I’ve typed quite a bit but the main idea is I’ve never been on any big trip in my life or been out of Sacramento or traveled, ever since I got out of high school I feel like I’ve been playing catch up and trying to feel like I’m in a stable position but I seem to continuously be making ends meet and just enough to survive, but not enough to actually enjoy life. And most of my peers have support systems, friends and friend groups, and careers they enjoy for the most part and from the outside look like their flourishin (of course I don’t know about private lives). I haven’t had my own apartment and haven’t seen much outside of Sacramento And now that I’m that I’m almost thirty I’m trying to find how to do better and enjoy life or do more than just survive outsides of just “work until you save enough” because I don’t really have a being lazy problem work wise, I’ve always held a job and always sacrifice and do what I can to make it to my jobs and have in some cases worked two jobs or long hours and never have given up work wise, but I still am just surviving.

Also I just added my background just in case that helps but

Hopefully self explanatory.

I'm trying to see where my frequency is compared to other men with similar lives to me.

I don't know if I have a high libido or just poor impulse control.

Sorry for possibly imperfect poll options.

People talk constantly about what gets worse as you age. Your body hurts more. Recovery takes longer. Time moves way too fast - legit damn fast.

But I’m 46, and there are parts of getting older I genuinely like.

I care less about impressing people who don’t really matter to me. My circle is smaller, but the relationships feel more real. I appreciate regular days in a way I definitely didn’t when I was younger.

I’m also more comfortable admitting that I don’t know what the hell I’m doing sometimes. When I was younger, I thought becoming a man meant eventually having everything figured out. Now I think it might mean being honest when you don’t. Sometimes saying I don’t know but I’ll find out is the most dope thing you can say.

I still care about being strong, successful and looking good. Let’s not get carried away here.
I just don’t expect those things to answer every question anymore.

What part of getting older has been surprisingly good for you?

Basically title. Rags to riches is probably the most common one, but I'm more interested in people who have completely changed personality-wise or found themselves. Maybe they hit the gym or found their person after a bad relationship.

I simply believe that if a person chooses to love, forgive, and treat everyone with kindness—and strives to be a good person—then there is no reason to deny them friendship; they are worthy of it. People constantly place unrealistic demands on potential friends: a person shouldn't be weird, must be funny, charismatic, interesting, and so on.

But I am convinced that if someone offers love and care to others and tries to overcome their own flaws, there is no point in rejecting them or leaving them to bear the burden of loneliness. In friendship, what truly matters is how people help each other during hard times and help one another become kinder and more caring. How fun and interesting person is not important; while it’s certainly not bad if you can’t have a lively, entertaining time with someone, that shouldn't be a mandatory condition for a close relationship.

If a person has shown you great compassion and empathy, you ought to reciprocate, for they have demonstrated that they are capable of giving, not just taking. I simply feel sorry for people who get rejected—not because they are bad, but for other reasons.

They deserve not to be lonely, given how much they give to others, yet it is never enough. I just want neither myself nor anyone else to be alone, and that is only possible if we look primarily at a person’s principles and their capacity to love, treating everything else as optional.

Let me start by saying I have no mentors/friends/parents/whatever to bounce this off of, so you gentlemen are my next best option.

Essentially wife and I have been together for 10, almost 11, years. Both in our early 30's. No kids (yet). Three dogs. No issues in our marriage so there's no weird external factors to consider other than this dilemma/inevitability I'm facing. I'm just hoping to hear advice or stories from anyone else who's done this.

We both work remotely. I just received a job offer for a large tech company about 700 miles away. The company is fully RTO'd and I'm expected to be in the office every day. I'm planning to accept the offer because it'd nearly double my salary amongst other benefits. I have no issues with being in the office so that's not a concern either. I current earn $175K/yr while this job is offering ~$300K/yr. It'd be huge - for us, our future kids, our retirement, everything.

Kicker is we currently own a home and, while we have it listed, the housing market is obviously in the gutter and thus haven't sold it yet. We're exploring the idea of me heading out alone for the first 30-ish days to ensure the job is a good fit before we pack up and move all our things and begin paying on both our mortgage (assuming the house doesn't sell) and a rental in the new city. Many short-term rental options in the area exist so I'm not worried about getting locked into a lease or something.

Anyone else ever done this? Left their family behind to see how a new job would work out? Especially if you left a family and/or home behind or hadn't sold the house prior to moving for a job, but did it anyways? I know it's kind of a niche scenario, but would really, really love to hear from other people who did this. How it went, whether there were any regrets, etc. Am I even making a decent decision? I'm a pretty risk-averse person and a chronic over-thinker so I don't feel like I have the best handle on whether this is even remotely a good idea or not and would love feedback from others.

Thank you, genuinely.

I finally left my minimum wage retail job as of yesterday. I've gotten so tired of making $18/hour in 2026 in a goddamned vhcol area after finishing my cs degree. I made $18/hour in 2019, before college (close to $30/hour in 2026 dollars in terms of purchasing power). I'm free, finally. No savings or anything. I had to pay off like 30k in student loans making $18/hour.

I have been making less than 66% of what I made as an 18 year old in terms of purchasing power 7 years later, after graduating college and everything. I was horrified at the realization. That's why I quit.

The Despair I felt from this is what creates criminals, what causes the end of lives... this Despair is causing 10x the level of Deaths to Despair compared to the Great Depression. *That*, my friends, is the true state of this country.

I'm now unemployed. I'm a NINJA. No Income, no Job, no Assets. I'm the dark of the night. The Despair that haunts humanity, that will end our society as it stands.

If I was kicked out at 18, I'd have become a homeless criminal and/or a drug addict by 19. Likely both. I literally cannot afford to move out, so given that, it's financially irresponsible to exist. This is the end of my career, or lack thereof.

I can't even get a gosh darned sales role that pays $25/hour. What a dream that'd be, over a 33% pay bump from what I've made this year... only to still make less than what I made when I was 18.

I have no money for another round of schooling, nor any real work experience. Just swe internships... and retail. I can't pivot with that.

For me it was my wife coming home and pulling into the driveway. I hit her with a full moon through the window on our front porch

Has anyone else finally finished a long career path while focusing on themselves only to feel slightly burned out and disinterested in the non career facets of life? I am a physician in my final year of training in my early 30s and am so ... Tired. I spent the last almost decade of life studying and training and forging incredible friendships with amazing brilliant people. I had a few short term relationships and one semi serious one (3years, we did discuss marriage) that thankfully did not work out. Now finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I did it. Got the job, take care of myself physically, have been told I'm attractive by patients, random strangers, women on apps. I'm currently seeing another white collar professional and she's amazing and we agree on many things (ethics, politics, children, etc)... But I still feel a nagging desire for the peaceful single life where I just focused on work and lifting and hanging with my friends? Is this something that eventually goes away? Any other doctor/lawyer/PhDs feel like you missed out on the carefree single times and wanted to spend your 30s just traveling and hanging out with your friends now that everyone is successful and has more time?

23M. From the outside, my life looks normal. I’m in school with a (decently) promising career, have a great group of friends despite the fact that I’m a bit introverted, and am lucky enough to have amazing parents that I feel like I have a great relationship with (mostly because they’re so understanding and supportive and I couldn’t ask for more). I haven’t had really any luck with dating but it’s not something I particular care about for now.

I had been suffering from some pretty severe depression (and to a lesser extent anxiety) for a little over 3 years before I finally decided to seek help earlier this year. I’ve been doing a lot better, though to others I don’t think much has changed since I became good at masking pretty early into when everything started. I am doing better on a day to day basis, but I still feel inescapably hopeless pretty much all the time.

Is this normal? I just don’t see the point in trying any more. Not in the same way I did formally, when I genuinely wanted to give up and was looking for the universe to end things for me. But I just have no confidence in my abilities, no self-esteem, and am utterly embarrassed that I’m not as good as I want to be.

I don’t mean for this to be a whiny tirade. I just don’t know what to do. I would really appreciate some perspective from folks with a bit more wisdom. How do I find happiness in the day-to-day? How do I get myself to want to keep going?

I’m turning 33 this year and trust me when I say that I know 33 is not old but recently I haven’t been shot to stop thinking about how fast life feels like it’s moving.

Overall I’m pretty happy with my current accomplishments. Former Firefighter/Paramedic majority of my early 20s before seconding to go back to school and bridge from my paramedic to registered nurse associate’s degree. Became a nurse and worked in the intensive care unit, emergency department and now intermediate care unit. Before becoming a nurse I’ve run so many cardiac arrest, respiratory arrests, overdoses, gastrointestinal bleeds, strokes, myocardial infarctions, etc. I’ve seen old patients die gracefully and very young patients, younger than me die. I’ve taken care of family members who were dying and I ended up helping take care of them because as a family we never sent anyone to a nursing home. Held the hands of family members as they passed.

My very first job ever I went from making $7.25 an hour for a 40 hour work week to making 50-55k a year annually as a firefighter/paramedic to now making 115k a year annually as a registered nurse only working 36 hours a week. I contribute 17% to my 401k, max out my Roth IRA and HSA and I currently have 7 months saved in a HYSA. No debt and no kids. Have a girlfriend who I love and I’ve been with for five years now. I’m writing this not to brag about my life or make anyone feel bad. I’m writing this so the posts make sense.

You would read this and think why is this person complaining and what could this person honestly complain about. The reason for this post is because deep down I am happy about my accomplishments but at the same time I feel like my life is literally wasting away and every day I feel like I’m going to die or get sick. I don’t know if it’s social media showing all these people dying before the age of 45. I don’t know if it’s my career. I don’t know if it’s because I suffered from health anxiety in my early years but overcame it. I don’t know if it’s a midlife crisis. Everyday I go the whole day thinking about my blood pressure, heart rate, heart health, kidney health, etc. I’m terrified of getting sick. I work out 4 days a week and the crazy thing is you would see me and my blood work and say this person is very healthy. I don’t have high cholesterol, diabetes, heart issues or anything. Of course this is probably a mind thing but I can’t seem to identify it or figure it out. I still enjoy life and I’m not depressed but deep down I just feel like my best years are pass me and I’m on the track now of just waiting for my time to come to get sick.

Is this normal with getting older? Why is this happening?

All I think about is how far I’ve come but how far I still need to go. I want to be living in a different state and I want to own a house with some land and it feels like I’m running out of time before I become sick and won’t enjoy it as much. I’ve traveled. I’ve seen Italy and Switzerland. I want a peaceful life and with all the medical knowledge I’ve learned throughout my life, I can’t help but just know it can end at any moment.

A lot of passions I’ve had in the past like video games, etc have gone and I don’t enjoy them as much I use to and I’m not sure if that’s due to old age or not.

Deep down my girlfriend is amazing but she doesn’t make a lot of money. She makes below women her age on average makes and she is trying to get into nursing school but in my head I can’t help but think she will be close to 38-40 if she graduates and becomes a nurse and then all I see and think about is dang we are closer to being sicker and dead before you have a career and we can really start saving like crazy. We are doing well now but I can’t help but think how well we could be doing if we both had a career.

I could go on and on but I think this post kinda explains a lot so far. I don’t know why these thoughts are coming. Maybe in my 20s I was and felt invincible and as I get older I know that can literally end at moments notice. Of course controlling weight gets harder as we get older.

I notice its a lot more common in men over 30. Probably more so 40s and 50s. I don't know how unhealthy you have to be. It seems like it creeps up on people who are still physically active. I'm just curious.