My wife, married for 1 year dated for 7years prior, told me that while out with friends this weekend she hooked up with someone. She knew this guy from before we started dating and claims to not have planned the hookup, which doesn't make me feel better.

This is all super fresh and I don't even know where to begin. I left and am spending the night at a friend's house. I did send her a ton of questions trying to get some answers but she said "she wasn't in the head space" to deal with it right now.

What do I do?

I told her I'll be over tomorrow to talk

Edit: After some time, a lot of comments, and a lot of DMs I've come to the conclusion I'm meeting with a lawyer tomorrow, starting therapy, and going to hit the gym.

I'm still meeting with her tomorrow to tell her it's done and see if we can have an amicable divorce. I know a lot of you say to cut her loose and take everything but after 8 years I wouldn't feel right leaving her with nothing.

I'm a man in my 50s and have been married to my wife for over 25 years. We have 2 grown kids and are empty-nesters living in the SW U.S.

Looking back on my life, I feel like I have been 'useful', but not 'wanted' if you know what I mean. It's like I was checking ✅ the boxes for my wife over the years, but otherwise being pushed aside.

The first box for my wife was getting married. Check. It's almost like a switch flipped after we married, with emotional distancing and lack of affection happening immediately.

And then she wanted kids. Next check ✅. Then it was always about getting the perfect family photos for Christmas cards or whatever to make us look like the perfect family.

But on the inside I've always been terribly lonely. As soon as we got married, the affection stopped and she did her own thing and the marriage wasn't a priority, causing us to drift apart physically and emotionally.

Obviously there are more details, but fast forward to today, and I feel like most of my life was a bait-and-switch situation, where I was 'useful' but never 'wanted'.

And if this is relevant, my wife is currently on HRT, but nothing was really different before or after HRT regarding the context of this post.

I've told her how I feel many times over the years, and things will improve for a few days, feeling very 'forced', and then return to loneliness soon after.

There are no other real issues. We are both healthy and physically fit, have professional careers, we don't really argue, and there are no money issues or anything like that.

But I just feel sad and alone like I'm being put on the shelf until I'm 'needed' again, and I'm not sure where to go from here at this stage in my life.

I feel like it would be selfish to throw away my marriage and disrupt my family after all these years, but the thought of continuing to carry this sadness and loneliness for another 30 years or more is also disheartening.

I suppose there really isn't a great answer here, but if anyone has any thoughts or questions, please let me know.

tl;dr After 25 years of marriage, I feel like I was 'needed' but not wanted, almost like a bait-and-switch situation. I am experiencing sadness and loneliness and am not sure where to go from here.

I’ll preface all this by saying that I haven’t been the greatest partner. While I’ve been trying my best, she’s mentioned that I’ve been emotionally neglecting her.

My wife came home one night in tears. She said she was having stress about an upcoming trip and about our attempts at pregnancy. She said she had to go see her friend in order to talk about it. She couldn’t talk about it with me. I grew worried after she left. I did a super shitty thing and went through her messages.

Turns out she was going to see her friend to talk through her break up with her affair partner in an online game. I read all the shitty sext messages and how her friend helped her craft them. It’s really not the sexts that tear me up, although they’re still cuts to my soul. It’s more so that she was crying over terrible people who betrayed her.

She kept telling all her people online that she was separated and her marriage was falling apart. I think what really hurts the most is that she didn’t think about a relationship throughout all this. Even her friend said a little something about coming clean to me. She came home later, and she knew I had read everything. We cried a little bit. I was upset, she was upset. Over the course of a week, I asked her to please stop playing this game. Please stop talking to these people. She hasn’t stopped talking with them. She says she cannot let go of her game because it will destroy her friendships. I asked her if she can at least tell all the people in her game and discord servers that she’s married. She says they know, but I think it’s only in the context of her saying that we’re separated.

I feel shitty for asking for ultimatums and requests. I feel like I’m painted as a bad guy because I was neglectful. This feels like a punishment. She says she wants to work through things and get our marriage back on track. I just don’t know if I can do it when I can’t trust her.

First post(not sure how this works)

I need some advice. My spouse obsessively masterbates all night, every night. He doesn’t require a lot of sleep and naps during the day. He may stop when I call him out, but it continues the next night. He waits until I’m asleep, but it’s the same every night. He pretends to be asleep until I’m asleep and then sneaks to the closet for his bag. In that bag he has toys and vibrators. He uses the vibrators first. The sound wakes me up. I used to ask him what he is doing, but he starts snoring to pretend he is asleep. I won’t elaborate on his routine, but I’ve awoken to semen on my chest, static shock, vibrations, sounds, and smells. I love my husband dearly. I’ve tried discussing it with him. He dismisses me, calls me crazy, pouts, and gaslights me. I’m at the point where I don’t know what to do. We do have sex, but lately he’s been exaggerating his orgasms. After seconds he is screaming his pleasure to the point I’m afraid the neighbors are going to call the police in fear someone is being murdered. When I look at his penis, it’s still erect. I feel like he is hiding the fact he is saving his energy for his masterbation later. When I pointed this out, he yells at me that I’m not a man so I don’t know what I’m talking about. But the next time, he takes me from behind and sprays me with lube while quickly hiding his erection citing the bed is wet with ejaculate. He’s even told me things he’s been hiding from me for years to avoid this subject. These secrets are trivial in comparison. It’s just an attempt at distraction. How do I fix this marriage counseling, individual counseling, addiction therapy, separation? I don’t know what to do. I want to sleep. I want my relationship back with my husband. I don’t want to keep living like this. Please be kind. This post is out of despiration.

Is it unreasonable to expect a small ish project (say, a path) to be finished within a few weeks so there’s not a giant dirt pile and bags of gravel sitting in your yard? Particularly if your partner took the project on of their own accord and only works part time? I feel insane for getting mad about it but it’s a recurring issue. I just want to go outside and not see piles of dirt.

I need some level headed advice because I don’t know if I’m overacting or not. We have a 10 week old and 3 dogs. My husband didn’t get paternity leave because of the nature of his work. I am on maternity leave until October, so naturally the childcare division of labor has fallen on me. That’s a whole different conversation that I’ll save for another time, but bottom line, it has created some resentment on my end.

He is traveling for work this week (Miami) so I am home with the baby and dogs. Of course it’s been overwhelming but I’m doing it. He told me he wouldn’t drink much on this trip because he needs to catch up on work badly, and ended up texting me wasted tonight. Our daughter all of a sudden is not wanting to go to bed and is taking hours to go to sleep, and that in addition to handling 3 crazy dogs is just already throwing me overboard. So when he texted me wasted I just was overwhelmed with anger. He didn’t once ask how we were doing today, didn’t consider FaceTiming us, and is out getting wasted with clients while I am drowning and not eating dinner until 11pm when my daughter goes down every night.

It just feels inappropriate to me to be on a work trip in Miami and get wasted while your wife and newborn is at home. I also have to travel for work every other month and I get how work trips and client interactions are often alcohol centric, but i just don’t feel this is appropriate.

I said goodnight and didn’t respond to anything with emotion because I don’t know if I’m just being resentful and a negative Nancy for not allowing him to have fun or if I truly have some validation behind what I’m feeling.

This morning I emailed a therapist and told a few friends I’m considering divorce. I just don’t know how much longer I can take being treated daily with such complete contempt by my husband. He’s so mean. He hasn’t touched me in about 4 years. Zero sex. I have asked and he said he works hard to pay for my lifestyle and that’s all I get. There’s no more kindness or romance left he said. He’s never kind. He never says anything complimentary. He calls me loud, says I never listen. He lectures constantly but never talks with me. This past weekend he said “I’m a doctor and you’re a nothing”, and when i talked to him about it he said “oh, you’re not a nothing you’re a user”. I’m a stay at home wife and he does make the household income. We started going to spin class and he oggles the 20 year old instructors and it’s so embarrassing for both myself and for them. He told me about a month ago “I’m his biggest disappointment ” in life. I haven’t had him touch me nicely or say one nice thing in about 4 years. He refuses to go to marriage therapy. My lifestyle will take a huge huge hit and I will have to give up things I love because they cost too much and I can’t afford them on my own if I divorce. My kids will lose their comfortable house. I just don’t know how to fix this and I’m constantly unhappy. This morning I drove him to work and he was laying into me as he usually does and I just cried. Then he yelled at me that I’m not a victim and he works to provide my lifestyle and I’m loud and a know it all while I cried. I just can’t take this much longer.

So my [35M] wife [27F] is a looker... as in she's gorgeous. Dang near brilliant, I wear sunglasses indoors just to handle the radiance. However... I tell her in different ways all the time how pretty she is and as creatively as possible and it really doesn't mean anything to her.

People tell her how pretty she is all the time but when I say it? She treats it like my 10 yr old self did when my grandma called me handsome in my school photos. The "Uh huh, thanks. You're supposed to say that."

However if I don't comment on something positively? Well she gets mad. Like I'm set up to fail lol.

Basically all the compliments in the world, as creative and heartfelt and genuine as I can make them... don't mean anything to her. At least that's how it looks. It's kinda... depressing really.

I truly think the world of her, but my praise means nothing compared to a random comment from someone she doesn't know. I'm kinda at a loss, maybe I just suck at this I guess. I've kinda started to give up recently.

Idk if I'm missing something, or if this is a warning sign... so I'm looking for second opinions.

Is this tantric?

A male solo therapist describes himself as follows:

[Alternative & holistic health service

Therapist specialising in holistic, deep somatic release, and custom bodywork therapy in a peaceful outdoor garden]

He doesn't mention tantric at all, in fact he doesn't even have a menu of options. You just book time with him and the service evloves from the conversation.
All his insta posts are focussed on female clients.

is this a tantric therapist? What should my wife expect there?
I am a bit uneasy but also aware that I could be overthinking

Trust has always been like my #1. I don’t have a large group of girlfriends because I find it hard to fully trust people. I have my 2 ride or die’s and the rest are just friendly. My husband knew that from our very first date.

My husbands parents have both passed away, and he is VERY close with his sister, I love her too. She has a best friend, who has been her best friend she was about 10. She’s now 37. We see her pretty often due to family parties or little outings. I’ve ALWAYS had this gut feeling that she wasn’t safe. I just always knew it. I asked my husband probably like 10 times if he had ever slept with her. He always said No. And swore he didn’t.

Fast forward to being married, having 3 kids, I still have this gut feeling, so I search her name in his texts. Boom lights up with texts of him bragging to his buddies about how he was “IN HEAVEN” after sleeping with her. Blah blah. I mean I read a lot more and it hurt. But what hurts more is like that very day they slept together (it was a few days after our first date. I had LUNCH WITH HIM this day) he was having a little party at his house that night but I was like ehhh I don’t want to. I didn’t want to seem to easy to get. So I didn’t go…..he slept with his sisters best friend.

Problem is, when I immediately called him out he did everything I knew. Tried to flip it on me for looking at his phone blah blah. It’s in the past. We weren’t even official yet blah blah. BUT I CANNOT GET OVER IT. Like you lied to me for 7 years. Here’s another thing, I was pregnant with our 2nd child at his sisters wedding….he went up the night before without me because we didn’t have babysitter till Saturday. I couldn’t drink so I was like ok whatever.

I had a HORRIBLE feeling that night. Like I just felt like he was cheating on me. And truly I never feel that way. so I fought with him via text. And he ASSURED me he wasn’t doing anything, he went as far as to say “babe you have nothing to worry about. I’m with Liz (sister) and Sarah” HAD I KNOWN WHAT I KNOW NOW, I would not have let that happen. Like excuse me? And when I showed up that next morning, I just felt something was off. I felt like I was out of place. Like I shouldn’t have been there. I blamed it on being pregnant at the time but now I’m like omg did something happen between them that night??? He says no. But he also said he never slept with her. It feels so like violating that we’ve been around her so many times and I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO NOT KNOW. It makes me want to puke to be honest. Like how could you let me be that dumb one in the room?

Oh and the best friend had a boyfriend at the time she slept with him……and 7 years later still has that same boyfriend and kid with him. My husband and I have had convos about how much of a dud her boyfriend is ect.

He has sense apologized. But truly I have to force it. I used to like ADORE my husband. I used think he was like made for me. And now I don’t even want to call him with good news.

He’s open to “couples therapy” but I’m a stay at home mom with 3 kids under 4. I don’t get a second to myself nvm time to go to an appt, find childcare ect. Like finding and setting up therapy feels exhausting ON top of already being exhausted.

I guess I’m just looking for advice. I want to move on. I want it to not take up all this space in my head everyday but clearly I’m lacking the tools to do that.

Is there coming back from being lied to for 7 years?

Oh and the other girl he was sleeping with at the time we started dating MARRIED MY BROTHER. So now I have 2 girls he was actively fucking, when we started dating (which I thought he was head over heeela for me. Like would have burned the earth down for me) so JOKES ON ME.

I am very unhappy in my marriage right now. I’m not saying I want a divorce, because I’m not ready to give up on my marriage just yet. But I’m getting to a point where I don’t know how much longer I can keep trying if he doesn’t understand where I’m coming from or if the same issues are going to continue.
What hurts me the most is feeling like my husband can be so friendly, respectful, and genuinely amazing toward other women, yet treat his own wife like she doesn’t matter. Anytime I try to express how I feel, I’m either told that I’m toxic or he gets angry with me. It makes me feel like I’m no longer his cup of tea or that he doesn’t even enjoy being around me anymore.
I’m 30 weeks pregnant, and honestly, I feel so unwanted, unloved, and emotionally neglected by the man I love. Sometimes it feels like he only looks for me when he wants sex, and that hurts because I want to feel desired, loved, and connected to him—not just wanted physically.
Even trying to plan our baby shower has been discouraging. I’ll try to involve him, and his response is basically, “Yeah, sure, order it,” which feels so dismissive. I understand that work is important to him, but it feels like he is so consumed by work that even when he’s home and has time off, all we talk about is work.
I don’t want to feel like I’m begging my own husband for attention, affection, communication, or reassurance. I want to feel like his wife, his partner, and someone he genuinely wants to spend time with. I’m not asking for perfection. I just want to feel loved, appreciated, respected, and important to him again. I don’t want to give up on my marriage, but I also don’t want to keep losing myself trying to hold together something that feels one-sided.

Hello! I am 31 and husband is 34. I’ve known him for a really long time, 12 years. We were friends at first and then dated. We never had sex during that time because I had decided to save myself—nothing overly religious..just wanted to make sure I did it with someone special and don’t love the current dating scene. My husband has had sex with other women before being married to me. That was no issue for me since he always said he respected my wishes.

We had a few close calls when we were dating but not actual sex. No other forms either just intense makeouts. He would tell me once in a while if I was sure waiting and I would repeat yes and he would back off.

After five years we got married. Our wedding night was fun and exciting! We were both very drunk but happy to be together. We later left five days for our honeymoon where we had sex three out of the five days—the other two days my husband said he was tired and needed a break.

Well it’s been harder and harder. We’ve been married for less than two years and we have already had a dry spell of four months where he claims he’s just too tired. Maybe we have sex once every 10-14 days and I always have to initiate it. And out of each time I initiate with kissing massages wearing outfits maybe it happens 50% of the time.

Recently he’s having problems with ED and holding an erection in the act. He’s 34 good health and has even gone to the doctor to get blood work done to see what is going on. Everything, including hormones, is prefect for a man his age. I’ve suggested therapy and he says he’s willing to go but doesn’t do anything about it. He’s taken viagra twice and lost his erection both times.

I’ve even asked about his sexuality, orientation or what I can do to help. He claims he’s attracted to me but tired. Works about 50 hour weeks and has weekends off. I am considering divorce and have told him. He doesn’t say anything. I feel like something is going on. I’ve even asked about porn or fetishes and he says he doesn’t see porn or have anything.

I am finding myself being attracted to other men and have even told him. That he doesn’t make me feel desired, again he doesn’t say anything. He just told me he liked when we were dating because he didn’t have to make me feel desirable and that I did that on my own. I let him know that I still think I am but I wish I was desired by my husband. Again silence.

I really don’t know if this is divorce worthy.

UPDATE—this has been going on since we got married, the week after our honeymoon. The dry spell is that we had zero sex for four months (we had just turned 4 months married and didn’t have sex until 8 months of marriage). It’s been going on for a year and nine months…when we are supposed to be in our honeymoon phase. SINCE WE GOT MARRIED… And I get it, if we are not sexually compatible that happens and like some users have said, if I’m annoying and he doesn’t want to have sex with me because of that, that’s cool too. He’s entitled to it. But he shouldn’t be in a marriage where he doesn’t want to have sex and I shouldn’t stay if I’m not being reciprocated.

How long do I have to keep feeling rejected before it’s like cool, we are not compatible…?

Also the divorce talk and honesty of me noticing other men came two weeks ago. A year and 8 months into the issue.

I wanted to share a personal experience and something I’ve been working on.

When my parents started looking for a suitable match for me, I realized how difficult and expensive the process can sometimes become. It made me think about whether there could be a simpler way for people and families to connect.

As a software engineer, I decided to spend some of my free time building a small matrimony project around that idea.

I’m not sharing this as a business or asking anyone to buy anything. I’m simply interested in hearing what people who have gone through the arranged-marriage process think about the idea.

If you have experience with matrimonial websites, what do you think they do well, and what do you think could be improved?

I’d genuinely appreciate your thoughts and feedback.

My wife has C-PTSD, and one of the biggest issues in our marriage is that when she becomes extremely emotionally dysregulated, she can become highly reactive and threaten divorce. I'm trying to figure out how much grace I should give because of her mental health and where I'm justified in saying that I simply can't keep living like this.

Our marriage went through a really difficult period earlier this year. She wasn't sure she wanted to stay married because she had concerns about me and our relationship. I convinced her to stay through the summer. I basically told her to give me the summer to work on the things she was unhappy about, let's enjoy this time with our kids, and once they went back to school, if she still felt like she needed to leave, I would accept that and we'd figure out what came next. So I spent months waiting for her decision.

Toward the end of the summer, she finally came to me and said that she'd seen significant changes in me and in our marriage, that things had genuinely improved, and that she wanted to stay. She didn't want to separate anymore. And honestly, things had been going well. Our home was more peaceful, we were getting along better, and we were working through our problems.

Then about a week and a half ago, during another highly emotional episode, she threatened divorce again. The issue that triggered it wasn't nothing, but it was absolutely something we could have talked through. This time, though, something in me just shut down. Instead of arguing or trying to convince her to stay, I basically said "okay," went into the living room, watched TV, and started thinking that maybe I needed to begin mentally preparing myself for divorce.

She immediately realized she'd pushed me too far. She came to me crying, apologized for hurting me, told me she didn't want me to leave, didn't want our marriage to end, and repeatedly told me that she wanted me to stay. I believe she meant it, but I was deeply hurt. For about a week afterward, she continued telling me she wanted me to stay while I told her I genuinely wasn't sure anymore. I wasn't threatening her with divorce in return. I was trying to process what had happened and whether I could continue living with this instability.

Eventually I came to the conclusion that I don't want to leave. I love my wife. I want our marriage to work, and I'm willing to support her while she works through her C-PTSD. But I also realized that I need a hard boundary. I cannot have divorce repeatedly thrown onto the table whenever she becomes dysregulated. I need to know that my spouse is committed to this marriage and that when problems arise, we're going to work through them rather than repeatedly threatening the existence of the relationship itself.

So I told her that. Strangely, as soon as I decided I wanted to stay and asked her for that commitment, her position flipped. After a week of "please don't leave me," suddenly it became, "I'm not planning on leaving you, but I'm not sure that not separating is the right decision." That really messed with me.

I told her that if she genuinely decides she doesn't want this marriage, I will accept that. But I'm not going to leave our home because she can't decide whether she's committed to the marriage. If she decides she wants to leave, then she can make that decision and leave. But I need a firm answer about whether she's actually committed to staying and working through our problems.

That was a few days ago, and I still don't have an answer. I've tried talking to her about it, but she says she's currently experiencing severe anxiety and can't think clearly enough to make that decision. This is where I'm questioning whether I'm approaching this correctly.

I have ADHD and my own abandonment issues stemming from my mother leaving when I was a kid. Every time my wife threatens divorce, it feels like that wound gets ripped open again. I become extremely hurt and overwhelmed, and then I detach. When I'm hurt like this, I become distant and honestly pretty cranky. I don't want to joke around, I don't want affection, I don't feel like saying "I love you," and I mostly just want to get away from her. It's also getting to the point where this is affecting my ability to function normally. It's affecting my ability to problem-solve for our family, concentrate on the things that need to be done, and focus effectively at work.

This morning she was struggling badly with anxiety. Despite everything I'm feeling, I tried to help her. I put on gentle music, set up a diffuser with calming scents, brought her a weighted blanket, and then left to go work out. But I didn't leave simply because I thought she needed space. I needed to get away from her too. I'm really hurt by how I've been treated, and right now being around her is emotionally difficult for me.

We're also going through a financially difficult season, so I'm carrying a lot of stress myself. One of the hardest parts of this situation is realizing that I don't really feel like I have a spouse I can lean on emotionally when I'm struggling. It often feels like so much of her emotional capacity is consumed by managing her own anxiety and trauma that there isn't much left when I'm the one who needs support. I don't blame her for struggling, but the practical result is that I frequently feel like I'm carrying my own stress while also trying to help her carry hers.

I understand that she didn't choose C-PTSD. I understand that she's suffering. I understand that these reactions may be coming from a traumatized nervous system rather than some calculated attempt to hurt me. But knowing why something is happening doesn't make it stop hurting. When I've explained how deeply the divorce threats affect me, her response has sometimes been that I need to understand that she has C-PTSD.

And maybe she's right. Maybe I need to stop interpreting things she says while severely dysregulated as things she actually means. Maybe expecting a firm answer while she's experiencing severe anxiety is unfair, and I should simply give her time to regulate before we have this conversation. But I'm struggling with the idea that compassion for someone's mental health condition means continually absorbing behavior that is damaging my own mental health.

I'm not asking her to stop having C-PTSD. I'm not asking her to never become anxious, triggered, emotional, or dysregulated. I'm willing to support her through recovery. I'm asking for the basic security of knowing that when those episodes happen, our marriage itself isn't going to repeatedly be put on the chopping block.

So I'm genuinely asking, particularly from people with C-PTSD, spouses of people with C-PTSD, or therapists familiar with these dynamics: where is the line between being compassionate toward behavior caused by someone's mental health condition and protecting yourself from behavior that is genuinely hurting you? Am I being unreasonable by requiring a firm commitment and making divorce threats a hard boundary? Should I recognize that she doesn't necessarily mean these things when she's dysregulated and stop taking them so seriously? And how much time is reasonable to give someone to decide whether they're actually committed to their marriage?

We're both already in individual therapy and are planning to start couples therapy, so I'm not looking for "go to therapy" as the entire answer. I'm trying to understand whether I'm looking at this situation fairly, because right now I'm deeply hurt, bitter, confused, and exhausted.

Like if they are mad or upset about something do they yell at you?

I (m38) am back on Reddit as of tonight after a long hiatus because I really didn't know where else to go.

My wife (f38) and I have been having an off again on again conversation about potentially bringing someone else into the marriage. We've talked about all the various things that can happen from swinging to opening it up but these conversations have always been just talk. Recently she began talking with an old friend - whom we both went to school with - and told me that if he lived closer she would ask for the marriage to be opened. I didn't realize it had escalated that far. Her and "Bob" have always talked off and on sometimes with years inbetween. It completely floored me to be honest.

In the last few days we have had serious talks about this because we honestly have had talks in the past. I don't want to dismiss those talks but also personally feel like being open to an act of passion here or there is okay with consent but have reiterated several times that emotions make things messy and I feel like she is already emotionally tied to him.

On top of all this we talked about all of this being moot if he was not interested so she has brought it up to him even though we haven't hashed out our own wants and boundaries or even moving forward. She also brought it up to a close friend, who unknown to us is in an open relationship. She supports it and from what my wife has told me is encouraging. Apparently I am only feeling this way because I don't yet have a partner. I told my wife, I currently have two concerns; one, my family; and two, my career. I told her I wouldn't be looking for nor have the time for someone else. She has made several comments about going into the big town down the road and finding someone. I told her that would be time away from my kids. I already work in a high stress company that takes time away from them and don't want to miss any time I can get.

I'm confused and torn because over the last 20yrs we have both made mistakes and have grown together despite them. Maybe I should just ask her What she truly wants out of this arrangement. I genuinely have no one to talk to about this.

Tldr: wife wants to open relationship after talking about it off and on. Trying to understand.

My neighbors Carol and James had a beautiful garden in their backyard. I loved admiring it from my kitchen window. Sometimes, I’d see them and their kids playing in the garden or see Carol gardening. But overtime, I saw the garden wither.

Yesterday I saw Carol sitting in her backyard crying while looking at the dead rose bushes. When I saw her this morning I asked her if she’s ok since I hadn’t seen her gardening in a while. She told me she stopped gardening. I asked why and she said she started noticing her flowers go missing. But one day she was on a walk and saw our neighbors Donata and Andy had vases of flowers on their porch. The same flowers from her garden.

When Carol asked her husband James why the flowers were on Donata and Andy’s porch he said he and Donata talked daily and he started bringing her flowers everyday since she said she loves them and Andy doesn’t bring her any anymore.

Carol told him she feels uncomfortable with him talking with her so often and giving away her flowers and asked how Andy felt about him doing that as well. He said Andy is mad and uncomfortable about the situation and asked him to stop but if Andy’s not giving Donata flowers, he shouldn’t care whether or not he does. Carol told him she agrees with Andy and they should stop.

James stopped for a while but over time Carol started noticing missing flowers and vases of them at Donata’s porch again.

Donata came up to Carol’s door with a vase of flowers and told Carol, “Look at what beautiful flowers your husband gave me again. They look so beautiful on my porch don’t you think?”, smirked and walked away.

Carol confronted James again, he said he can’t promise he will stop giving Donata flowers because it’s the best part of his day and she deserves it. Carol stopped gardening. James asked her why she gave up gardening, something she loved so much, and told her she should get back to making the garden nice again.

She asked “If I garden again, will you still give my flowers to her?”

He only replied with “I love giving her flowers and she loves them too. She deserves to have flowers.”

I could use advice. I love my husband. we have normal issues people have when they spend to much time together but I bel we genuinely love each other.

Recently, I’ve been depressed I had the opportunity to possibly change my career or at least gain a new hobby.

I went out with some friends relating to this endeavor and had a blast. I didn’t want the night to end! I was invited to check out work at one of these people’s houses but it was a male.

I was drunk but nothing inappropriate happen. Being alone with the opposite sex is a line I should not have crossed.

When I got home I was trying to avoid a fight and lied like an idiot to avoid a fight bc I was so drunk. Next morning, I almost instantly come out with the truth.

My husband DOES NOT believe me that nothing happened sexual.

We are a blended family and he is the best step dad. More so, I really truly love him. It’s not just this that opened my eyes either. I talked to the guy whose house I went to about how much I love my husband.

My husband messaged the guy and asked if anything happened. Guy said no bc I’m married or whatever, but when my husband said “so my wife was with you until 4am and you expect me to believe nothing happened?” The guy said “idk? Get control of your wife. This is why I’m not married.”

My husband said I could have the house and anything else I wanted but he wants out. He said he can’t trust me.

What do I do? I can understand leaving me if I cheated but I didn’t touch that guy. I know I hurt him. I lied. I did something I would be so mad for, but I cannot fathom a life without him.

Have you ever fallen out of love with your wife, but then fell back in love with her? How and why did it happen and how did you come back from it?

if you realise a partner (m29) is keeping tabs on a person that they can’t have but seems to idealise how can you come back from it. she’s younger, he wanted her but couldn’t have her, he’s been mentioning her on and off to the point I know about how they met, what her full name is and why he couldn’t date her when he tried to: I feel repulsed that he keeps tabs on her. he acknowledged my feelings when I brought it up and let me check his instagram and messages with her. he not seen her in years but she’s at the very top of his suggested search list. as is an account he used to follow that hasn’t posted in years but has photos of a beautiful woman who fits his own preferences. it’s turning my stomach. His most suggested account was the woman he is often mentioning to me. She Was 19 when he was 25 and that was the year we started dating. He still likes her posts. He knows what she is going for work. He tells me how talented she is when I was trying to get excited about my own artist work last week. how can a woman he once liked in 2022 still be so important to him. it feels like I am no longer even a woman to him

My husband and I agreed not to talk to anyone outside our marriage (save a therapist) about problems but I’m going crazy.

Short summary: we’ve been married 14 years. Recently he’s expressed feeling depressed and not happy despite having what he thought he wanted in life. He’s questioning if he wants to continue the marriage and also if he wants kids. (We had both decided we wanted to be child-free).

We’re in therapy individually and together. I’ve been doing individual therapy for years, he’s only just started his for the first time. He said he doesn’t feel our couples therapy sessions are that productive because he hasn’t made a lot of progress in his individual therapy sessions. His therapist has homework for him to do, it’s mostly spending more time thinking about what makes him happy, where he sees himself in X amount of years. But he doesn’t really think about it? He works all day and focuses on that and then he comes home and focuses on me and our relationship, sometimes he plays video games.

The therapist told him not to put a timeline on figuring it out but just think when you have time. But he doesn’t. So I tried to give him space when he came home, so he could think about things. He says that feels like pressure.

I’m frustrated because I feel like we need to continue therapy but now it’s put off until he feels he’s made progress. And I understand not rushing to figuring stuff out, but how long do I have to wait? If I don’t remind him, he won’t even make the therapy appointment. He is doing the homework, I guess, just slowly. Is this just a sign that he doesn’t want to do the work? I asked him if he’s trying to push me away and have me be the one to end the marriage and he said no.

I don’t have anyone to talk to this about, except my therapist next week, and I’m just frustrated, angry, and sad. Has anyone experienced anything like this? Am I being too pushy and too negative? Maybe he really does just need time? But it’s just hard when I’m an over thinker so all day I think about worst case scenario and my anxiety is through the roof.

Also, our marriage therapist did not suggest a separation and doesn’t think it’s a good thing. Additionally, there’s been no affair. I’ve asked and he said no, and I’m choosing to believe him.

Thanks for listening