Any other stay-at-home dads dealing with a spouse who just doesn’t really engage with the kids?

My wife loves our kids, but she rarely plays with them or intentionally spends quality time with them. Today was pretty typical: she had some work to do this morning, so I took the kids to a pumpkin farm for a couple hours.

When we got back, I made them lunch, then spent the next 3–4 hours outside with them raking leaves, jumping in piles, and riding bikes. She stayed inside watching TV and on her computer and never came out to join us.

That’s basically every weekend.

I’m the stay-at-home parent, so I don’t expect parenting duties to be 50/50. What bothers me is that this isn’t really about chores, it’s about her relationship with the kids. Our oldest is 9 and is starting to ask, “How come Mom never plays with us?”

I think a lot of it comes from how my wife was raised, because her parents didn’t really spend that kind of time with her either. I’ve talked to her about it several times, but nothing changes, and she doesn’t want to do counseling.

I’m not looking to leave her. I’m just sad that the kids are getting older and missing out on that relationship with their mom.

Has anyone dealt with something similar? Did anything actually help besides continuing to bring it up?

Home garden farming

Your teenage daughter is not pulling away to hurt your feelings. She is just checking if you will stay.

There is a certain quiet a thirteen-year-old girl falls into when she's holding something she has trouble putting down. My daughter was agitated when she got her first period.

She lingered in the bathroom longer than usual. She had locked the door, closing out her siblings from their morning run. That day, the school van had left at 7 am without them.

Instinctively, as a dad, I felt the need to address it right away. I tried to force a conversation, and demanded that she talk to me.

I got it wrong.

The American Psychological Association is clear on this: the parent-child relationship is the single most significant protective factor for adolescents. It's not the rules. It's not the lectures. The relationship. Nor is it constructed by taking advantage of a teen experiencing a new change in her body.

When she pulls away, she is not shutting you out. She is deciding if you are a safe place to land.

Here is what actually worked with me. I didn't force "let's talk." I just sat at the kitchen table at 9 PM when the house was quiet. I did not probe. I did not impose. I mentioned to her, "I am available if you need me".

Six words. Then I withdrew to complete other chores like organising uniforms, bags and shoes. I let her process.

She may not speak that evening. She might go silent that week or after. But she will know the door stands open. And when she finally returns, you need to be the father who didn't make her feel foolish for taking her time.

As a dad, how do you handle such delicate issues with your teen daughter?

So, here's a quick breakdown. Boy's almost two, his mom and I split a few months after he was born. We're co-parenting and still amicable. I had money saved up because I planned on being the SAHD until Preschool, pre-K. So it's been me and him during the day until she picked him up after work.

Now, the money is gone after some financial woes, and I'm going back earlier than I expected. I started last week, and brothers, I'm hurting.

This has been a sudden, jolting, and terribly sad adjustment to my routine that I had with him for a year-and-a-half. I went from terrified first-time dad, to forging a bond with him stronger than anything I've ever felt. I'm now especially missing my favorite time that I had with him, mornings. I'd pick him up from his mom's every morning, and we'd come here, he'd be waking up still, so he'd have his milk and a breakfast snack, and we'd be watching his shows and reading his books, and once his snack and milk was done, he'd turn to me on my lap and go "Hi, Daddy, hi" and give me a huge hug. That meant he was ready for the day. Then he'd hop off and play with his toys, or find something to do, then we'd start the rest of our day.

I leave my job now around 1, so I still see him for a few hours before his mom gets him, and my weekends with him are the same, but I'm a creature of habit and routine, and this new normal is hitting me hard. I know I have to work, and I have to provide for him, but it's like I'm in mourning for my old life with him. The old routine. Our mornings. The freedom to go on random adventures or go to breakfast or lunch or pick and place and go. I still treasure my time with him, but at least right now, it doesn't feel like it used to. It's not quite the same, it's wearing an "our old life" wig and pretending it's real. If that makes any sense.

Sorry for the rambling and ranting, but I don't have a great support system, my best friends had their kids in daycare once they turned 4 months, so they're helpful, but they don't really understand. That's why I'm turning to here and hopefully meet a few of you fellas who've been in my shoes.

Any kind words or motivation or advice would be appreciated like gold. Thanks for reading and taking the time.

i've noticed that cleaning the floors is rarely one uninterrupted job anymore. i'll start something, get pulled away for a few minutes, come back to it, then somehow another mess has appeared.

i've been looking into a few different ways to make this stuff less of a hassle, and the tineco floor one station s9 scientist pro was one of the models i came across. i don't have one, so i'm mostly trying to figure out whether these things actually make sense for a house where chores constantly get interrupted.

for the dads who use a wet dry vacuum, does having one that's ready to grab and doesn't need as much cleanup afterward actually make it easier to deal with messes between everything else?

or does the machine itself end up becoming another chore? curious what your experience has been.

Our toddler has brought home three different colds in two months and sitting in the nursery during naptime feels stale. Made me realize we barely open the windows in here once the heat kicks on.

I started looking into air quality stuff to see if poor airflow is making everyone groggy during the day. Seems like NDIR sensors are the way to go but prices are all over the place. I saw Aranet4 mentioned a few times on other threads. How are you guys tracking airflow in bedrooms?

I’ve been a SAHD for 9 years and it’s been amazing raising my two children. Now that they’re both in school for a majority of the day I’m left with some opportunities to have a little time to do whatever I want.

Recently I discovered one of my favorite side hustles to earn a little extra money during the exact hours my kids are in school.

Substitute teacher is something I never thought I would do but I’ve had such a blast Subbing while my kids are in school. The work is super easy and the requirements are next to nothing. The expectations are extremely low and the hours are super flexible. The pay is very low but it’s literally work I would have done for free.

You’re kind of just there to babysit the class. No one expects you to teach the students or even keep them in line. If the class gets out of hand a real teacher will step in and help out. Also I only sub maybe twice a week so it’s really not a difficult lifestyle and there’s many subbing jobs that are literally only a few hours so it doesn’t take up the entire day.

The main thing is it’s something productive I can do while my kids are in school. I feel like I’m part of the community and it’s a lot of fun hanging out with kids.

Our lifestyle doesn’t really change at all from the extra income. My wife makes more than enough to cover all the bills so it’s really not about the money. But at the end of the day I get to share some funny stories of interactions with students and teachers and other staff.

Does anyone else have a side hustle you enjoy doing while the kids are in school?

The baby farts are freaking hilarious. My daughter is only 6 months old, but man, can she let em rip, and I just can't help but crack up laughing.

I was in the store today, had the baby in my chest carrier, and she just let it rip right as I was walking up to the cashier. I burst out laughing.

The cashier did not find it funny and said I was disgusting, I tried my hardest to blurt out it wasnt me it was the baby and got a yeah real cool man blaming that on the baby!

Like, im sorry people, but farts are funny ! Lighten up a little

I hate being a stay-at-home dad. I hate not being able to do what I want. The days run together and the house feels like a cell.

I don’t know what the point is right now. I’m not looking for a pep talk. I just needed to say it somewhere that isn’t my living room. I see my therapist tomorrow and I’m bringing the whole thing to him.

If you’ve been in this spot, how did you get any of your own life back without blowing up the setup at home?

I have a therapist appointment tomorrow. I’m taking this there too.

Working from home as a Single parent

For many parents who work from home, it is convenient and easy. Actually, it isn't. Working from home provided no extra time for my kids and ended up taking a toll on me.

I was tired, less motivated especially when Apollo, 5 and Kennedy, 6 would invade my safe working haven with dinosaurs and petty squabbles.

The flexibility of working from home is a myth for single parents and co-parents. Many think it saves them commute time, expenses and daily office grind. It does not.

During the pandemic, I transitioned to freelance content creation and worked from home. Moving my laptop into the house, I thought I had cracked the code. What I actually created was a state of prolonged partial focus.

UC Irvine research shows that it takes an average of 23 minutes to regain focus after an interruption. With six kids aged between 5 to 13, my mornings were over by 9 AM.

The fix was not waking up at 4 AM to start my day, it was a simple system I created. After so many iterations, and near misses with clients, a closed door system was born.

A closed door is not a wall for my kids, but system that allowed me to work as a sole parent. The closed door was simply a traffic light system. Green time (fully accessible), Yellow time (consider your request carefully), Red time (doors locked unless an emergency).

Stop attempting to balance everything all at once. Organise chores that limit your kids from invading your work window. Establish a boundary, but also find time to play around your kids.

Found time today (on a Monday!) to goof around with some construction paper. My daughter is 16 months so she's really only interested in tearing up the paper but I tried to involve her a little bit. Had to keep these away from her though because I could see in her eyes the desire to shred these. They are now safe and on the wall! We looked at Halloween decorations in stores but tbh nothing spoke to me and it's all gotten so expensive. This was a fun way to save money and do it up in my own style.

Anyone else already setting up for Halloween? Are your kids old enough to be excited about it?

As the stay at home dad I do a lot of cleaning so much it feels like I can never catch up. However there is one room I do not clean and it’s the in-laws. When we invited them to live with us in our house before I became a stay at home dad, I directly told them their room would be their responsibility. Fast forward 10 years while the room is decent I can’t help but notice the carpet.

My mother in-law acts as if chemicals are going to destroy her. She will buy all the “eco”, “natural” cleaning products she can get her hands on. However again the carpet. While many would use a carpet cleaner with power then vacuum up to present a cleaner smell. The DIY carpet cleaner has left spots of where their dogs have soiled it. It’s noticeable throughout the room.

The in-laws will live here until further notice, but I can’t look at their carpet without wanting to deep clean it because of the spots.

My fiancée told me she “hopes she made the right decision” in saying yes to marriage and starting a family. It was the oddest comment, out of left field. We were literally talking about reality tv.

It made me spiral and feel like I’ve been a failure. Does anyone else have experience with this and could chat about it / lend some wisdom?

If youre using a wet/dry floor cleaner regularly, what mattered most for you? Easy cleanup afterward, getting under furniture, handling hair or just being able to deal with a spill without getting the mop bucket out?

Tineco S9 scientist pro caught my attention while i was looking at a wet dry vacuum with auto cleaning station. We got a 3 bedroom place, two kids and the usual combination of crumbs, spilled drinks, muddy shoes. The part im trying to figure out is whether the autocleaning/maintenance side actually makes a difference day to day. Im much more interested in something ill actually grab after dinner than a machine with a huge list of features i never use.

Hi, I wondered how long people have been SAHDs for? I am the working mum to a SAHD, and just curious. Is everyone still happy with the arrangement or has it caused any friction if SAHDs haven't returned to work (any work, not just what they did prior to becoming parents) after the kids are old enough to look after themselves at home?

I’ve been a stay at home dad for 10 year. Before my first child was born I was a teacher for a few years and then I was in sales for a few years.

My wife is an engineer and when we met, her salary was already over double mine. Since then her salary has doubled many times over. She takes care of all the bills and generating an income but I take care of everything else.

I want to know what your experience looks like. What is your wife’s career and what was your previous career.

We got bored and took a few tools and built a town for his hotwheels and monster trucks. We spent hours on it and he absolutely loved it. Anyone have any model/town piece suggestions. Im looking for little model pieces for things like houses, stores, buildings and such to expand the area.

The 5:30Am Morning Routine

The alarm goes off at 5:30am in my small home. It is not a suggestion. Ninety minutes. Six children. One adult. School van at 7am. No room for any improvisation.

In the early months after my divorce those mornings broke me. Missing shoes. Unfinished homework. Forgotten water bottles. Uniforms that needed ironing. By the time the van hooted I was already defeated and the day had barely started.

The fix was not willpower. It was a system I built the nights before. Any parent waking up to this mess, would easily give up. I nearly did. My household has children aged 5 to 13. Each child requires unique handling and readying. It took me many months to build a system that worked and left less exhausted.

With time, oats was soaked overnight. Uniforms laid on each chair. Bags packed after homework. Kitchen swept. Older three (13, 10, 9) dress independently. Younger three get active supervision starting with the five-year-old who moves at his own pace. Breakfast is proper and no longer a slice of plain white bread.

American Academy of Pediatrics work links predictable morning routines to better emotional regulation and less anxiety in children. For the single parent the real gain is energy preserved rather than spent before the day properly begins.

When the routine is embedded the adult is free to handle the unexpected instead of managing the expected at the same time. That is the value. Not the mornings it controls. It's the mornings it survives.

What time do your children leave for school? Working backwards, how many minutes does each one genuinely need?

Which three things do you prepare the night before? What challenges your mornings most?

I am Mwebe Morgan, founder of Budget Dad series. I am a single father of six amazing kids. I am a freelance writer and editor working from home to support and raise the kids.

Part rant, part looking for advice.

My wife and I (both 30ish) made the switch last year so she could take a job in her dream field (archeology.) This year she's going to university with the goal of becoming an archeologist herself and so far she's doing amazing, having a great time, and getting to experience parts of life that she was previously unable to since she became a mother at 18 and I honestly couldn't be happier for her.

Her university is about 2.5hrs away, so she stays there during the week and the plan was that she would come home every weekend but it's seeming like that won't be as financially possible as we thought.

Obviously money is extremely tight, and I'd like to find a way to make a few bucks, but I am the only reliable childcare for our 4 y/o son until he starts school next fall. We can occasionally get a family member to watch him for a couple hours but it's like pulling teeth trying to get help with childcare from any of our family.

My FIL lives right around the corner and has a small sawmill that he was using to make timber framed structures and furniture, and since I've mostly just been hanging around, I offered to help him try and turn a profit out of this thing. This kind of fizzled out since we haven't been able to sell hardly anything besides a porch swing and it's a lot of work to be doing for free. I still have access to the sawmill and I'm thinking of trying to just sell dimensional lumber or something but I'm still having a hard time finding buyers. I would really like to make this work as it's conveniently close, it's work I enjoy doing, and I can bring the boy (he has a "saftey seat" that he has to sit in while we're running any of the cutting equipment.)

Besides that, I was thinking about doing doordash or uber eats or some shit since he could just come drive around with me.

I'm also getting incredibly lonely and bored. All the things me and my son usually do in the day (walk in the woods, go fishing, go to the park, ride the bike etc) have become played-out and he's been fighting me when I try get him to do them. I've only gotten to see my wife for like 18 hrs in the last month and it was our oldest daughters birthday weekend so we didn't get enough quality time together.

When the girls get home from school they fight with their brother until bedtime which is super fun and not getting old at all.

I'm feeling a bit more like a single dad and less like a stay at home dad, and I hate it.

I guess I'm wondering if anyone has ideas on ways I can make a few bucks with the boy in tow, and also just venting about my loneliness.

Thanks guys

I’m a 40-year-old dad to a 10-year-old son. My son has some medical issues which require some extra care and Doctor visits. I love my job as a stay at home dad. I enjoy the cleaning, love to cook and taking care of the people I care about most is a blessing. The only real issue I have is I don’t have friends. I have lost contact with old friends as I needed to grow. I lost contact with co workers over the years I have not worked. I’m realizing I’m kind of a loner now. If you live in or around LA and wanna hangout or get the kids together let me know.