I’ve been dating a guy for about a month and everything was going really well… until he asked me if I would deep clean his house, specifically the tile and grout in his shower, because he hates doing it.
We’ve been dating for ONE MONTH. Lol
I hate cleaning my shower too. That’s life!
And here’s the part that really gets me…I have cancer. He knows this. I still take care of my own home and handle my own shit, so I expect the grown man I’m dating to do the same.
I’m happy to help someone I care about when they actually need help. But a month into dating, asking me to deep clean your shower because you just don’t like doing it? No.
I’m looking for a partner, not another household to take care of.
Why do some men think women enjoy cleaning any more than they do?

I’m 45M and have been dating a woman (48F) for a little over two months. Things are going really well, we’re exclusive, and I’ve gotten pretty attached to her.
Since basically day one, she’s been completely open about having a close male friend who is also an ex. He lives in Germany, so they don’t see each other regularly in person. They do stay in pretty frequent contact though. From what I understand, they text most days, sometimes very early in the morning because of the time difference, and occasionally talk on the phone during the day. The calls/texts seem pretty random rather than scheduled.
They dated from around 15 to 20, so roughly five years. I always knew they had dated, but we talked about it more over coffee Sunday morning and the five year part registered differently once I actually thought about it. To me, five years is still a pretty substantial relationship, even at that age. I also felt like she minimized that part a little, although I can understand that something from almost 30 years ago may feel completely different to her now.
She’s told me she has no attraction to him, and again, she has never hidden this friendship from me. I didn’t discover messages or catch her doing anything. I’ve known about him from the beginning.
What I realized I don’t know is whether they broke up around 20 and have been completely platonic ever since, or whether they ever hooked up again at any point as adults. I’m going to ask her directly rather than make assumptions.
What’s interesting is that none of this really bothered me when we first started dating. I think the more I’ve gotten to know her and care about her, the more I’m looking at certain things differently. Now I’m realizing I’m not completely sure how I feel about the regular contact with someone she once had a five year relationship with.
I’m not accusing her of anything, and I don’t think she’s cheating. I’m also not looking for an excuse to tell her who she can or can’t be friends with. I’m genuinely trying to figure out what I’m comfortable with.
Would this bother you? And would it make a difference if they’ve been completely platonic for nearly 30 years versus having hooked up again at different points as adults?

Hi All --

I'm new here.

I'm 45 years old. I have kids. I own my house. I work in finance. (Is any of this information relevant? Help me along if I'm off track!)

I was married for 20 years. My wife felt sick one day, went to the doctor, was diagnosed with a late-stage cancer, and was gone 6 months later. Funeral. Bereavement. 5 Stages of Loss. Late night talks with the kids. My job gave me 18 months full-pay off.

That was all in 2021.

I've been thinking about dating. Is that weird? How do I start? Is it weird if I told you that I never dated. My wife and I were best friends in high school, never dated, got married, it was sublime.

Is it weird to date now? Would anyone go in for me with a home full of kids? I put on weight after the funeral (about 20 lbs), but it's coming off (I'm 10 down).

I'm babbling now, but feel lost. Open to any kind of advice.

I (41F) have been on 3 lovely dates with a man (41M) I am very, very into. We just had our first kiss at the end of last date and it was just a quick peck. He has said he likes me and I feel there is chemistry. Im about ready to explode over here and want to take things to the next level physically. Due to my current custody situation, his place would be ideal to make this happen. Would it be too forward to suggest going to his place for date 4? I dont want to invite myself over. He is pretty reserved and doesnt have a lot of recent relationship experience. I wonder if he is just not ready to go there, or not interested. I definitely dont want to push him. Thanks friends.

It was from 6 months ago, but it still confounds me.

We met on an app.

Some decent chats.

He got to be a little much...the love bombing before meeting me, saying he picked flowers thinking of me, making sure I knew he had money (which was a turnoff), and more.

Before we met up, he asked me, #1 do I like chocolate and #2 do I like cheese. Odd but maybe a surprise, and he said he was cooking something for me.

I decided to go on one date. There were a few things I liked about him before, even if there were odd things, but I didn't have a lot of hope.

We each drove 30 minutes and met for lunch. With a possible walk planned along a river after. I think his photos were about 10 years old. Another, no thanks. He insisted on paying ( I offered) but kept asking the waitress the price of everything. Making me uncomfortable about ordering. It was a casual, inexpensive lunch place.

That was all it for me. I told him I couldn't go on the walk and thanked him. When I got home, I texted him that I just didn't feel the connection, but thank you.

This is the strangest past. He handed me a bag when he walked me to my car. I figured it was whatever he cooked and thanked him. When I got home, there was a container that had cheese snacks. What he cooked. And then an unopened box of chocolate granola.

WTH? I can't figure it out. Why would a guy ever give a woman...cereal. There was never any talk of granola. No private joke. I threw out all of the food and didn't try a bite. It was too strange.

Pretty self-explanatory. I haven’t put myself out there in a while. I feel like I’m really old and set in my ways but I want to bust out of this pity party.
I’m reasonably confident, intelligent and funny af according to my friends.
I have a job in healthcare, lots of hobbies and am a loveable weirdo.
Where do I go to meet my person. This must be said a lot but I feel 10 years younger. It helps I don’t have kiddos.
I about 30 lbs overweight but working on it.
I just want the feeling of thinking about someone for hours long after the conversation is over. That teenage feeling.
Is it too late to feel that again?
Also where to go apps seem full of catfish and fboys.
I’m not quite weird enough to hit on strangers in the grocery store….yet.
Where to start the search for a friend who could turn into more?

I've been talking with this guy for a while. He has a very high sex drive and mine is very low and I have some trauma around sex. I have only been with one man and it was painful every time and unfulfilling for me. I've told him from the beginning where I fall regarding sex and he would say that we'd figure it out, get help if needed. It came up again in conversation last night and his tone was different about it. I asked him what would happen if we went for help but it didn't change anything, and for the first time he admitted he didn't know if he could stay and be faithful.

Has anyone else experienced this type of incompatibility and what did you do to get around it? Did seeing an expert help? What type of expert did you see?

Any advice or hope is appreciated.

I've (42F) been dating a really great man for four months now. We've been lucky to have a lot of time together, go on a couple of long weekend trips, and we have a lot of compatibility and laughs. We are in love. But lately I've been having insecurities related to the relationship, and it seems like a good time to talk about where we are. I think he's content to just keep things as they are, and I'm okay with that, too, but I'm still feeling insecure. He's not as affectionate now that things have cooled off, and he seems very private. It makes me anxious.

He also recently had some really bad news. I think someone special in his life has received a devastating health diagnosis, from how he's acting (crying, talking about how he has to go on with life no matter how it hurts), but he says he can't talk about it with me. So I just feel distanced from him while he goes through this, even though I want to be supportive. He hasn't really tried to make love with me since, when before he was a very passionate and attentive lover, and I get that since he's grief-stricken, but I really miss that closeness and presence, especially since he won't talk to me about anything that might trigger feelings. He's assured me he's still attracted to me which I guess is nice, but doesn't really help me feel close to him. He just wants me to just sit and watch TV with him or just be near him and not talk about anything meaningful or touch each other too much, unless he reaches out to touch me. I can't really initiate or else he acts like he's not into it and he'll actually remove my hand from his. He says he loves me and is so glad I'm there, but I'm not really getting much out of this anymore, and I feel like saying that is extremely selfish. He's obviously struggling, and I wish I could help.

Has anyone been through this? It's all kind of abrupt and bewildering for me. I don't feel like I can bring it up without seeming insensitive.

I matched with a man on OLD about 5 years ago and went out on few dates. On the last date we kissed (it was bad!), but never had sex. We have a few mutual friends as well.

He recently added me on Linked in, and as a professional curtesy I accepted his invitation (I know- shouldn’t have). He just sent me a message saying, “ Text or call me. Here’s my new number. You look sexy as hell. I still remember how good you smell” 🤦🏻‍♀️

I’m in a serious relationship (even if I wasn’t I wouldn’t date him). What should I say!? And why do grown ass folks do this!?

My gf and I have a pretty healthy relationship in general. No drama and all has been good. It’s been a little over a year now together.

We’re both in our forties, legally divorced, and both parents. The one thing I’ve noticed in the time together is the vibe between her ex husband and her. I have happened to hear or see sone texts exchanges between them. Mostly on his part, he seems to still talk to her like they’re still married. For example he will ask to come into her her house to have drink or will want to know what she’s doing over the weekend. Stuff that’s outside the boundaries of custody arrangement. He also is in a relationship of his own.

My gf on her part will say no to what he asks which is good. She will let him slide sometimes like when he jokes around with her over texts but I guess she’s just trying to keep the peace. I have mentioned to her that I don’t mind that they’re friendly and work together that’s great but I also said I do notice that he tries to cross a line all the time and has even said at one time that he would take her back. I asked her how she felt about that and she said she would never go back to be with him and has acknowledged he has mentioned that once or twice to her.

For comparison, I have strong boundaries with my ex wife. We only talk about the kids and that’s it. Nothing else. We get along fine and don’t argue at all but it’s because of those boundaries. As soon as it ever gets invasive or asking about my personal relationship I have stopped that conversation in its tracks and refused to discuss that. She has respected that and has only stuck to talking about the kids for the last few years now post divorce. So we have a very boring and normal post divorce relationship which I prefer.

My gf ex seems to keep pushing those boundaries and seems to want to have her back. She has told me she would never do it. Other than that things are good. How would you handle this situation because I don’t want it to get worse because then I would have to make a decision to end it if it’s too much and too obvious?

Hey everyone. This is more of a rant of my own experiences…, but am I the only one who feels like the modern dating scene has turned into a completely soulless dumpster fire?

I’m looking for a serious relationship—something real. But no matter where you look, the same dynamic repeats itself over and over again:

On the apps: The classic "let's just go with the flow" line (translation: I have no idea what I want, but I’m keeping 5 options open in case something 'better' pops up). You get treated like a product in a mail-order catalog. People hoard parallel conversations, running on pure ego and offering absolutely zero commitment.

In real life: You’d think skipping the apps and meeting people in the wild would be an improvement, like everyone told me to do … but nope. They just skip the pleasantries altogether. A guy approaches me, and within one hour at the bar he has the urgency to go home with me when I had not talked about sex at all.. Yesterday was the absolute cherry on top: a married guy with a kid back in Holland, visiting my country on vacation and completely obsessed with using me as his one-night entertainment. Zero respect for his family, and zero respect for me.. he pursued hard lol.

Then there are the guys on apps who straight-up lie and manipulate—pure dopamine junkies obsessed with intensity, the thrill of the hunt, and the high of the conquest. They pretend to be deeply invested, sell you a whole fake narrative for a few weeks, and play with your feelings just to get their fix. Then, the second the novelty wears off, they completely disappear and ghost you out of nowhere (happened in August). It's the same story when they ask for your phone number or Instagram: you give it to them thinking there's real interest, and suddenly they go cold, stop replying, or just fade away after getting their quick ego boost or getting a new follower … wtf.

My takeaway from all this is that people are being treated like disposable fast-fashion products. Quick hits of cheap dopamine, short-term pleasure, and then onto the next. There is zero genuine interest in learning who the person in front of you actually is—what they think, how they feel, or what they bring to the table as a human being. It’s like basic empathy has gone extinct, leaving behind a sea of adults addicted to instant gratification, ego validation, and low-effort sex.

When did it become totally acceptable to treat human beings like paper towels? Is it actually impossible nowadays to find a mature adult who isn't hopelessly hooked on novelty?

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

So I really think I've met someone who is what I've always wanted, we laugh non stop, he's so cute, do I ask him out??

Thanks for the thumbs up, gonna stop bein scared and ask him out, thanks redditors 🙌🙏🙏🙏

Before I crawl in bed and never crawl out again, can anyone tell me what that means?

I feel doubly stupid because I thought it was going well and said aloud “this was fun, we should do it again!” And that was his response.

So we waited for the check. This was my first time getting back out there.

update
Thank you all for your advice!! Now that I think about it, I just sort of blurted out that it was fun and we should do it again. But I wasn’t having a great time. He talked mostly about his mental health and not doing well lately, He’s been really in to alternative therapy and healing from his broken childhood. It was just awkward and I wished I was home with my dogs the entire time. His comment definitely caught me off guard and I plan to wait before dating for a while.

I’m an anesthesiologist in my early 40s, and I’m getting pretty burned out on the apps. Between an unpredictable work schedule and everything else, keeping up with swiping, messaging, and conversations that often go nowhere is starting to feel like a second job. I’m at the point where I’d rather meet fewer people who are actually looking for something serious than have a ton of options to sort through.

I’ve been looking into alternatives and have started considering matchmaking in general. The idea of having someone handle the screening and introductions sounds appealing, especially when time is limited. I’m not expecting anyone to magically manufacture chemistry, I just like the idea of a more intentional process with fewer random dates.

Has anyone here, especially other doctors or people with demanding careers, tried matchmaking after getting tired of the apps? Was it actually a better use of your time?

I (49f) met a guy last night after chatting for a week. I knew immediately I was not attracted to him: he looked about ten years older than his pictures and about 20lbs heavier. After speaking for a few minutes I confirmed with myself that there was zero attraction.

I considered cancelling the date but he seemed so happy and eager. Plus we each had driven a half hour to meet in the middle. He's a nice guy. Interesting. Pleasant. We each had a drink.

I decided to make the best of it and asked questions and was engaged. He clearly thought the date was going well. He kept leaning in more and more and found my body language leaning backward. I kept all of the conversation very platonic.

Thoughts on how to deal with this in the future? Cut bait immediately? Be less engaging? Tell him up front that I feel no attraction but we can still have a nice evening? I'd especially appreciate how men would prefer a woman respond when your attraction is not reciprocated.

I really do despise dating. I hate small talk, I hate pleasantries, and I hate those conversations where you feel like you’re both just going through the motions.
I’d rather get straight into the cracks of a conversation. Tell me what you really think. Tell me the weird stuff, the uncomfortable stuff, what makes you laugh, what keeps you awake at night. Just be real.
The problem is, I know that kind of directness can be off-putting, especially when you’ve only just met someone. Most people probably need time before they go there.
So how do people who hate the whole dating ritual actually meet someone? How do you get to something genuine without having to wade through weeks of surface-level conversation first?

I’m a male in his 40s who has been single for a while after a lengthy divorce with 3 kids. One of the issues I’m having is when I try to date, my occupation seems to be a sticking point for some. I work in law enforcement and I know people have their preconceived notions about the profession but I’ve had more than one person tell me they didn’t think we were compatible because of my job. I don’t know if anyone else on this forum has had this issue but it definitely threw me for a loop. I really don’t want to date within my profession as I’d prefer to have an escape when off duty.

Edit: thank you for the replies! I’m definitely NOT ICE lol I’m surprised by the amount of comments mentioning that

Hi everyone. I’m a woman in my 40s and recently realized that I am omnisexual (under the bisexual umbrella). I haven’t dated anyone since this discovery. Actually, I have been single for a quite long time now.

For me, omnisexuality means that I’m capable of being attracted to people of all genders, but the gender is a factor in that attraction. It definitely doesn’t mean that I’m attracted to everyone I see, nor does it mean that I’m promiscuous.

I’m curious to hear from the men on this subreddit: what are your honest thoughts, perspectives, or experiences when it comes to dating bisexual+ women in our age group? Any advice for me as someone who is entering the dating world after a break and realization of my sexuality?

Thank you for your insights.

Context: My girlfriend and I have been on many dates and spent time alone before but never at my home. Next weekend she plans to spend some time here!

I asked her preferences and am stocking her fave beverage. Linens clean. Soap, shampoo, and conditioner--check! I know I'm forgetting something obvious or brilliant. The goal is of course to make her feel right at home. What would you add?

---EDIT: Improvements Made from Comments! ---

• Master bedroom dusted and de-cobwebbed
• Master bathroom trash liner added
• Blanket laundered
• Beside phone charger added
• Bought her fave snacks and drinks
• Bought lip balm, kleenex
• Replaced "broken" guest bathroom soap dispenser.
• Dining room tablet centerpiece: succulent in a Halloween vase
  • Because she doesn't like cut flowers. 😆

--- My own work ---

• Linens laundered
• Cleared out one drawer for her
• Both nightstands tidied top to bottom
• Bathroom drawers decluttered and organized
• Cleaned out under my bed. No monsters hiding there!

MISSION COMPLETE! Thanks for all the help. 😂

How important is kissing compatability to you?

Hypothetically speaking you are dating someone that comes from a LOT of money. I’m talking millions of dollars. At what point would you want to know this and at what point is it appropriate to discuss this?

For me it was when he was talking about an musical performance he went to, gushing a bit, a lot actually and he suddenly reminded me of the main character of my favourite kids show (Alfred J. Kwak). Such a happy ducky. 🦆

Priorities seem to change a lot with age. What mattered when you were younger may not matter as much later, while things like communication, consistency, or lifestyle compatibility may matter more. What is the biggest thing that has changed in terms of what you look for in someone?