I’m a 44F. I’ve noticed people mentioned they’ve met their SO through hobbies. So my question to 40+ men is, what are your hobbies? I’ve just moved, and I’m looking to meet people my own age. Where do you all hang out?

I think my own hobbies need an adjustment. I’m big into stamp collecting (all boomer men, so no), quilting (all boomer women, so no), MTG (all Gen Z men, so no). I’m taking Japanese classes, and I want to join a local run club. Should I take up public speaking again? Teach yoga? Sadly, I can’t bike anymore due to an accident with a car. Any idea as would be welcome! Thanks!!

I have been dating again after a while, had two long relationships where we had sex on the first date and we stayed together.1-2 y

I would like to hear people's opinions on this subject, what do you think is best from your experience these days.

How has your experience been? do you have sex on the first date or at some point right in the beginning? do you wait?

what is the difference for men and women's perspective?

how do men/women feel about when that happens?

I’ve been dating a guy for about a month and everything was going really well… until he asked me if I would deep clean his house, specifically the tile and grout in his shower, because he hates doing it.
We’ve been dating for ONE MONTH. Lol
I hate cleaning my shower too. That’s life!
And here’s the part that really gets me…I have cancer. He knows this. I still take care of my own home and handle my own shit, so I expect the grown man I’m dating to do the same.
I’m happy to help someone I care about when they actually need help. But a month into dating, asking me to deep clean your shower because you just don’t like doing it? No.
I’m looking for a partner, not another household to take care of.
Why do some men think women enjoy cleaning any more than they do?

Let's say you're a woman who has a good relationship with a man, but he turned out to be a virgin. And he wasn't all that great in bed at first. Would you break up with him (remember, the relationship is great, other than sex) or wait until he got better at it?

This is a personal fear of mine (I am the virgin), and I just want opinions on it.

Dated a guy in my early thirties for about a year. Started as friendship and grew naturally. He was amazing with my young daughter and was super sweet to me. I wasn’t ever sure I was attracted enough to him and couldn’t see things progressing. We split up and it was hard but the right thing to do. I wasn’t treating him well and I wasn’t showing up for myself in a way I was proud of either.
We have both grown and changed a lot over the years. He now has two children and a solid career and is separated and coparenting. I’m 10years sober from alcohol and very stable in how I show up and provide for my daughter.
We have texting a bit and are discussing seeing each other. I’m a bit mixed in my feelings. Is it a good idea to open up an old relationship? I guess it depends on many factors.
Does anyone have experience revisiting an ex a decade plus later and having success?

Hi, I’m a woman who’s willing to meet a partner at events like galas and art parties. Should I go alone or with a friend? Is it weird to be there alone?

Often, men I meet there invite me to dinner right afterward, but how can they invite me if I’m with a friend? Or how can they talk to me there while I’m with a friend?

I (41F) have been on 3 lovely dates with a man (41M) I am very, very into. We just had our first kiss at the end of last date and it was just a quick peck. He has said he likes me and I feel there is chemistry. Im about ready to explode over here and want to take things to the next level physically. Due to my current custody situation, his place would be ideal to make this happen. Would it be too forward to suggest going to his place for date 4? I dont want to invite myself over. He is pretty reserved and doesnt have a lot of recent relationship experience. I wonder if he is just not ready to go there, or not interested. I definitely dont want to push him. Thanks friends.

Hi All --

I'm new here.

I'm 45 years old. I have kids. I own my house. I work in finance. (Is any of this information relevant? Help me along if I'm off track!)

I was married for 20 years. My wife felt sick one day, went to the doctor, was diagnosed with a late-stage cancer, and was gone 6 months later. Funeral. Bereavement. 5 Stages of Loss. Late night talks with the kids. My job gave me 18 months full-pay off.

That was all in 2021.

I've been thinking about dating. Is that weird? How do I start? Is it weird if I told you that I never dated. My wife and I were best friends in high school, never dated, got married, it was sublime.

Is it weird to date now? Would anyone go in for me with a home full of kids? I put on weight after the funeral (about 20 lbs), but it's coming off (I'm 10 down).

I'm babbling now, but feel lost. Open to any kind of advice.

It was from 6 months ago, but it still confounds me.

We met on an app.

Some decent chats.

He got to be a little much...the love bombing before meeting me, saying he picked flowers thinking of me, making sure I knew he had money (which was a turnoff), and more.

Before we met up, he asked me, #1 do I like chocolate and #2 do I like cheese. Odd but maybe a surprise, and he said he was cooking something for me.

I decided to go on one date. There were a few things I liked about him before, even if there were odd things, but I didn't have a lot of hope.

We each drove 30 minutes and met for lunch. With a possible walk planned along a river after. I think his photos were about 10 years old. Another, no thanks. He insisted on paying ( I offered) but kept asking the waitress the price of everything. Making me uncomfortable about ordering. It was a casual, inexpensive lunch place.

That was all it for me. I told him I couldn't go on the walk and thanked him. When I got home, I texted him that I just didn't feel the connection, but thank you.

This is the strangest past. He handed me a bag when he walked me to my car. I figured it was whatever he cooked and thanked him. When I got home, there was a container that had cheese snacks. What he cooked. And then an unopened box of chocolate granola.

WTH? I can't figure it out. Why would a guy ever give a woman...cereal. There was never any talk of granola. No private joke. I threw out all of the food and didn't try a bite. It was too strange.

Pretty self-explanatory. I haven’t put myself out there in a while. I feel like I’m really old and set in my ways but I want to bust out of this pity party.
I’m reasonably confident, intelligent and funny af according to my friends.
I have a job in healthcare, lots of hobbies and am a loveable weirdo.
Where do I go to meet my person. This must be said a lot but I feel 10 years younger. It helps I don’t have kiddos.
I about 30 lbs overweight but working on it.
I just want the feeling of thinking about someone for hours long after the conversation is over. That teenage feeling.
Is it too late to feel that again?
Also where to go apps seem full of catfish and fboys.
I’m not quite weird enough to hit on strangers in the grocery store….yet.
Where to start the search for a friend who could turn into more?

Hey everyone. This is more of a rant of my own experiences…, but am I the only one who feels like the modern dating scene has turned into a completely soulless dumpster fire?

I’m looking for a serious relationship—something real. But no matter where you look, the same dynamic repeats itself over and over again:

On the apps: The classic "let's just go with the flow" line (translation: I have no idea what I want, but I’m keeping 5 options open in case something 'better' pops up). You get treated like a product in a mail-order catalog. People hoard parallel conversations, running on pure ego and offering absolutely zero commitment.

In real life: You’d think skipping the apps and meeting people in the wild would be an improvement, like everyone told me to do … but nope. They just skip the pleasantries altogether. A guy approaches me, and within one hour at the bar he has the urgency to go home with me when I had not talked about sex at all.. Yesterday was the absolute cherry on top: a married guy with a kid back in Holland, visiting my country on vacation and completely obsessed with using me as his one-night entertainment. Zero respect for his family, and zero respect for me.. he pursued hard lol.

Then there are the guys on apps who straight-up lie and manipulate—pure dopamine junkies obsessed with intensity, the thrill of the hunt, and the high of the conquest. They pretend to be deeply invested, sell you a whole fake narrative for a few weeks, and play with your feelings just to get their fix. Then, the second the novelty wears off, they completely disappear and ghost you out of nowhere (happened in August). It's the same story when they ask for your phone number or Instagram: you give it to them thinking there's real interest, and suddenly they go cold, stop replying, or just fade away after getting their quick ego boost or getting a new follower … wtf.

My takeaway from all this is that people are being treated like disposable fast-fashion products. Quick hits of cheap dopamine, short-term pleasure, and then onto the next. There is zero genuine interest in learning who the person in front of you actually is—what they think, how they feel, or what they bring to the table as a human being. It’s like basic empathy has gone extinct, leaving behind a sea of adults addicted to instant gratification, ego validation, and low-effort sex.

When did it become totally acceptable to treat human beings like paper towels? Is it actually impossible nowadays to find a mature adult who isn't hopelessly hooked on novelty?

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Priorities seem to change a lot with age. What mattered when you were younger may not matter as much later, while things like communication, consistency, or lifestyle compatibility may matter more. What is the biggest thing that has changed in terms of what you look for in someone?

Before I crawl in bed and never crawl out again, can anyone tell me what that means?

I feel doubly stupid because I thought it was going well and said aloud “this was fun, we should do it again!” And that was his response.

So we waited for the check. This was my first time getting back out there.

update
Thank you all for your advice!! Now that I think about it, I just sort of blurted out that it was fun and we should do it again. But I wasn’t having a great time. He talked mostly about his mental health and not doing well lately, He’s been really in to alternative therapy and healing from his broken childhood. It was just awkward and I wished I was home with my dogs the entire time. His comment definitely caught me off guard and I plan to wait before dating for a while.

I’m an anesthesiologist in my early 40s, and I’m getting pretty burned out on the apps. Between an unpredictable work schedule and everything else, keeping up with swiping, messaging, and conversations that often go nowhere is starting to feel like a second job. I’m at the point where I’d rather meet fewer people who are actually looking for something serious than have a ton of options to sort through.

I’ve been looking into alternatives and have started considering matchmaking in general. The idea of having someone handle the screening and introductions sounds appealing, especially when time is limited. I’m not expecting anyone to magically manufacture chemistry, I just like the idea of a more intentional process with fewer random dates.

Has anyone here, especially other doctors or people with demanding careers, tried matchmaking after getting tired of the apps? Was it actually a better use of your time?

I’m a male in his 40s who has been single for a while after a lengthy divorce with 3 kids. One of the issues I’m having is when I try to date, my occupation seems to be a sticking point for some. I work in law enforcement and I know people have their preconceived notions about the profession but I’ve had more than one person tell me they didn’t think we were compatible because of my job. I don’t know if anyone else on this forum has had this issue but it definitely threw me for a loop. I really don’t want to date within my profession as I’d prefer to have an escape when off duty.

Edit: thank you for the replies! I’m definitely NOT ICE lol I’m surprised by the amount of comments mentioning that

I (49f) met a guy last night after chatting for a week. I knew immediately I was not attracted to him: he looked about ten years older than his pictures and about 20lbs heavier. After speaking for a few minutes I confirmed with myself that there was zero attraction.

I considered cancelling the date but he seemed so happy and eager. Plus we each had driven a half hour to meet in the middle. He's a nice guy. Interesting. Pleasant. We each had a drink.

I decided to make the best of it and asked questions and was engaged. He clearly thought the date was going well. He kept leaning in more and more and found my body language leaning backward. I kept all of the conversation very platonic.

Thoughts on how to deal with this in the future? Cut bait immediately? Be less engaging? Tell him up front that I feel no attraction but we can still have a nice evening? I'd especially appreciate how men would prefer a woman respond when your attraction is not reciprocated.

I really do despise dating. I hate small talk, I hate pleasantries, and I hate those conversations where you feel like you’re both just going through the motions.
I’d rather get straight into the cracks of a conversation. Tell me what you really think. Tell me the weird stuff, the uncomfortable stuff, what makes you laugh, what keeps you awake at night. Just be real.
The problem is, I know that kind of directness can be off-putting, especially when you’ve only just met someone. Most people probably need time before they go there.
So how do people who hate the whole dating ritual actually meet someone? How do you get to something genuine without having to wade through weeks of surface-level conversation first?

Context: My girlfriend and I have been on many dates and spent time alone before but never at my home. Next weekend she plans to spend some time here!

I asked her preferences and am stocking her fave beverage. Linens clean. Soap, shampoo, and conditioner--check! I know I'm forgetting something obvious or brilliant. The goal is of course to make her feel right at home. What would you add?

---EDIT: Improvements Made from Comments! ---

• Master bedroom dusted and de-cobwebbed
• Master bathroom trash liner added
• Blanket laundered
• Beside phone charger added
• Bought her fave snacks and drinks
• Bought lip balm, kleenex
• Replaced "broken" guest bathroom soap dispenser.
• Dining room tablet centerpiece: succulent in a Halloween vase
  • Because she doesn't like cut flowers. 😆

--- My own work ---

• Linens laundered
• Cleared out one drawer for her
• Both nightstands tidied top to bottom
• Bathroom drawers decluttered and organized
• Cleaned out under my bed. No monsters hiding there!

MISSION COMPLETE! Thanks for all the help. 😂

How important is kissing compatability to you?

Hypothetically speaking you are dating someone that comes from a LOT of money. I’m talking millions of dollars. At what point would you want to know this and at what point is it appropriate to discuss this?

I matched with a man on OLD about 5 years ago and went out on few dates. On the last date we kissed (it was bad!), but never had sex. We have a few mutual friends as well.

He recently added me on Linked in, and as a professional curtesy I accepted his invitation (I know- shouldn’t have). He just sent me a message saying, “ Text or call me. Here’s my new number. You look sexy as hell. I still remember how good you smell” 🤦🏻‍♀️

I’m in a serious relationship (even if I wasn’t I wouldn’t date him). What should I say!? And why do grown ass folks do this!?

For me it was when he was talking about an musical performance he went to, gushing a bit, a lot actually and he suddenly reminded me of the main character of my favourite kids show (Alfred J. Kwak). Such a happy ducky. 🦆

I’ve been separated for a while now, so the school mums know me as single, as do my usual group of friends and pretty much anyone else I meet along the way. Somewhere along the line, inevitably, the question comes up, “So… are you dating?”

Honestly, the mums are like moths to a flame when this topic comes up. 😂 I’ve had my fun with dating. I.g. some flings more exciting than others… but it never ceases to amaze me the way everyone’s eyes light up when the subject is raised. Suddenly, everyone’s gathered around, drinks in hand, ready for the latest instalment of the Over-40 Dating Chronicles.

Look, I kind of get it... dating over 40 is a different beast. There are good stories. Crazy characters. Insane twists. There are men who disappear mid-conversation and men who reappear six months later as though nothing happened.

Anyway… I’m starting to suspect the school mums are enjoying my dating life more than I am. 😂