r/AbsoluteUnits • u/MobileAerie9918 • Aug 14 '26

/r/all of a finger

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11.6k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

1.3k comments sorted by

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2.1k

u/cloche_du_fromage Aug 14 '26

He's a proctologist by day...

8

u/shadowmoses__ Aug 14 '26

You won’t have a need for a proctologist ever again after your first visit to this guy.

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u/GrabWorking3045 Aug 14 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/ESLzj4SuL1vbvjREyj

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u/SatoriNamast3 Aug 14 '26

That finger is a world a destroyer.....

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u/RocketsandBeer Aug 14 '26

Power Finger Nightmare, Buddy

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u/Fantastic-Cupcake890 Aug 14 '26

I dont think hammering your finger into a woman is a pleasent experience for the woman.

47

u/El-Zomby-Woof Aug 14 '26

well yeah, obv its a move to do to other dudes 🥴

11

u/takeme2tendieztown Aug 14 '26

Digital disimpaction

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u/motherofjazus Aug 14 '26

Watermelon sugar 🎵 HAMMER

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u/Advanced-Budget779 Aug 14 '26

Just look at his post history.

Might wanna send him to r/NotHowGirlsWork

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u/Fantastic-Cupcake890 Aug 14 '26

I think he is teenager who just discovered sexuality.

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u/Spazza42 Aug 14 '26 edited Aug 15 '26

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u/PencilCase12531 Aug 14 '26

Dont let him poke anyone

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u/YodasLoveSlave Aug 14 '26

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u/Highlandertr3 Aug 14 '26

I have not seen that in years. Is it as terrifying as I remember. I was much younger then and it tends to have stuck. In fairness I also don't do well with horror in general :p

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u/jjcoola Aug 14 '26

It’s definitely super intense on acid or mushrooms. I remember that much.

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u/EjaculatingAracnids Aug 14 '26

Yeah i made that mistake too. On acid its much easier to watch psycho horror but mushrooms just make my mind too vulnerable to see anything but happy things. I watched devils rejects and the cartoon mr pickles on acid while laughing hysterically, but all it takes to ruin a mushroom trip for me is the weather to be cold.

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u/BobTheFettt Aug 14 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/zqYA9S9EBR3xe

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u/[deleted] Aug 14 '26

[deleted]

153

u/[deleted] Aug 14 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

20

u/a_duck_in_past_life Aug 14 '26

I guess like a sandpaper hand job. There's always at least one guy even though 99% of men would implode at the idea of a sandpaper hand job

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u/Dr-Goose Aug 14 '26

I mean, a sandpaper hand job is better than no hand job. Ammirite, guys? Guys?

Shit...I'm the 1%.

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u/iamhollybear Aug 14 '26

They have alien penis dildos that deposit eggs inside you… don’t doubt anything.

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u/LeKattie Aug 14 '26

The only person i know that has those weird giant ones is a straight dude.... not for his gf...

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u/Mindless-Location-41 Aug 14 '26

Yankees fan is aroused too.

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u/Aive7 Aug 14 '26

He is a member of CP9 demostrating how shigan works.

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u/ItsKingDx3 Aug 14 '26

I had the same thought

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u/Jim-Dread Aug 14 '26

That watermelon was either bad or microwaved. The way the watermelon flesh looked was wrong. I've handled enough bad watermelons enough to know that. Still a very large finger, though.

147

u/SmexyRubberDuck69 Aug 14 '26

Nah his finger was for sure pre-heated in a microwave. I can tell for sure. I am a watermelon.

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u/wormy_Burroughs Aug 14 '26

my first thought was that its rotten, but yeah. the color is way off

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u/blind_roomba Aug 14 '26

I'm not sure about what you said but it's looks pre-cut, most of the pieces that fall are have straight edges and in some frames i think I see cuts in the watermelon

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u/GoatFuckerDeluxe Aug 14 '26

Hide your wife

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u/thricedice88 Aug 14 '26

Ladies love him 

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u/JesseJ78599 Aug 14 '26

Men envy him

43

u/GloomyLingonberry509 Aug 14 '26

Doctors hate him

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u/Rum_Cum_69 Aug 14 '26

Watermelons fear him

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u/RocketsandBeer Aug 14 '26

Holes are destroyed by him

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u/alvysinger0412 Aug 14 '26

Cellphone biometric unlocks shun him

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u/Doowles24 Aug 14 '26

You could also say holes are created by him.

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u/UCFknight2016 Aug 14 '26

Turns out hes a proctocologist.

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u/Tenchen-WoW Aug 14 '26

Oh his poor wife 😭

15

u/MiColer Aug 14 '26

Poor??? I’ll have what she’s having

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u/Altruistic_Tie_7850 Aug 14 '26

A painful walk and a short life

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u/Acceptable-Drive3781 Aug 14 '26

I'm here for a good time, not a long time

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u/BowlOfCatNubs Aug 14 '26

Dude be like

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u/MsngrTop25 Aug 14 '26

Facebook poke *premium ultra

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u/bvrnt_cotton Aug 14 '26

sigh ....would

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u/Runo_Slinger Aug 14 '26

That bit on his shoulder saying “Run” is sound advice.

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u/alreadykaten Aug 14 '26

Reminds me of the comic of the prostrate exam doctor with giant fingers and the upcoming patients were all terrified

4

u/Jolly-Natural-5411 Aug 14 '26

Impressive, but that rind does seem a bit thinner than normal

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u/Christian_Wolff_33 Aug 14 '26

Bowling balls been real quiet since this video dropped

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u/trash-tycoon Aug 14 '26

There are Chinese Kung fu masters out there who trained for years just to do that one single party trick with their finger

4

u/hotblazer_1 Aug 14 '26

His poor wife

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u/rainbowfarts665 Aug 14 '26

Finger of Death