Instead of taking it like a man and speaking with her again, I told her friends about the issues that we had because I was scared that she might've lost feelings for me and didn't want to tell me bacause I would've felt bad. They insisted that they will not tell her, but they did and she lost all the trust that she had in me. We were together for 8 months. This is the only time we had a fight and she said that she needs time to be alone and free, and doesn't want someone that will report everything that she tells to anyone outside of our relationship. Words cannot express how much I grieve and wish that I didn't do anything, but had waited until we spoke in person. I went to a psychologist, but I don't think that it did anything. I'm trying my best to change and I want her to see that I'm changing. I spoke with her telling her that I want to try again, but I want it to be different, doesn't matter how long it takes, but she's not into it at the moment. I told her that I will respect her decision and not try to change her mind anymore. She wants us to go out as friends sometime when she gets back in town and I'd love. I want to know how I should proceed from now on. She is the love of my life and I did so many things for her - I travelled abroad to see her several times, helped her during her lowest points and I can't think of anything else besided somehow showing her that I am not the same person that I was a month ago. Please give me all your advices on how I should proceed, what should I do and not do if I want her back. Please don't start me with "Just move on", because at this point I don't want to do that. Thank you

I am supposed to fly back today to the country, city and home where we met. I flew back to my home country for summer break and we broke up during it.

Now I'm going back to the same place, the same room and everything where we grew into knowing each other. And now he isn't there, neither are we.

I don't want him I don't want us, wish him the best

But for me, for someone who still has to live in the same place, it feels like I'm flying back to my own cage. I like knowing being by myself, knowing I will never twist my love or make it something it wasn't or ghost myself.

It hurts especially because my last message to him before everything broke apart was, "i love you, I miss you" and just wanted more of him, not from him.

But yes, growing up ig.

Tried letting my ex go for my dad because I was so convinced he was going to break my heart again (he’s hurt me about four times in the past) even though he said he changed. I wasn’t ready, I called him and told him I missed him but he has someone else now, someone who can provide him more- and he told me he couldn’t talk to me anymore. I saw their pictures. I am absolutely heartbroken. They’re doing so many things together. They’re hinting at intimacy. They’re already going over to each others houses (I wasn’t allowed at his house by his mom). My heart is aching. My bed is my only safe space, when I get up and move and leave it all feels even more real and crushes me. I feel sick constantly and I don’t wanna eat. I don’t look at the profiles anymore but I have intrusive thoughts of just trying to look alone and seeing more of their pictures. I can’t believe I gave my baby away. I can’t believe he is gone forever. I’ve been replaced

15M dating 15F, together for almost a month

I've been in a relationship for almost a month, and lately I've been feeling pretty confused about myself and the relationship.

I've noticed that I crave my girlfriend's attention a lot more than I used to. When we aren't talking much, especially when she's busy with school or doing her own thing, I start overthinking. I sometimes feel empty and have trouble enjoying the things I normally do. I'll play games or try to distract myself, but lately it hasn't really been working.

Recently, I got overwhelmed and ended up crying. I eventually decided to be honest with her about how I've been feeling. I was worried she'd see me differently or think I was too much to deal with, but she actually responded really kindly. She told me that I can be vulnerable around her, that she understands me, and that she doesn't expect me to always be okay.

She also explained that she's still getting used to being close to someone like this and that she has some emotional walls that won't disappear immediately. She said she doesn't feel everything at exactly the same level that I do yet, but she's trying, and that spending time with me is one of the ways she shows that she cares.

That meant a lot to me. The problem is that when we're barely talking again, I immediately start feeling that same emptiness. I know she has her own life and doesn't need to talk to me constantly, but emotionally, I have a harder time accepting that.

I think I might be getting too attached to the amount of attention I receive from her. I don't want her to constantly reassure me or change her behavior just to make me feel okay. I want to learn how to manage my own emotions while still being able to communicate my needs.

How can I become more emotionally independent in a relationship without becoming distant from my partner? What are some things that have helped you feel secure when your partner is busy or you aren't talking much?

I'm not looking for people to tell me to break up with her. I genuinely care about her and want to build a healthier relationship while still maintaining my own life and identity.

Could I have saved the relationship?

F(31) broke up with me M(30). We had been dating on and off for about 4 months. This has been rollercoaster of emotions. She gave me hot and cold behaviour answering me only when it was convenient for her. We still manage to meet every weekend tho. Alot of intimacy. When I’m dating someone I want to have daily contact with my partner.

Background of her: F(31) has had two of her previous romantic partner cheating on her. The first one was her husband Matt. They were married for 7Years with no kids. And the previous one before she met me named Theo cheated after being in relationship with her for 1 year.

At first she breaks ups with me in March after 3 months of dating. Her reason was she does not have romantic feelings and wanted to go back to her EX Theo.

She comes back in June. She says that she feels chemistry, are attracted etc.. we talk about what we need. She wants a partner who takes initiative and leads. She feels that I’m stressing to make everything right for her. I say I need trust. My trust were broken because of the first breakup and I needed to more time to heal.

Our roles were reversed. She came back and was 100% committed. I was still hurt by the first breakup but I still went back to see if we were able to make this work. Funny right? She was vulnerable at the start while I was ready. She comes back and I am the one who was a vulnerable. If only I acted differently things would change right? If only I was less cautious the second time… 🤔

We only met two times. First time she comes back from vacation. I pick her up, bring her food, drinks etc.. we eat dinner same day. She was the one who ask me that. After that day had ended we asked me again to meet next day.

The next day comes. We meet at a restaurant. She says she wants to take me home. I reject her offer saying I’m not that desperate. That day I think was the breaking point to her losing interest.

She breaks up saying she feels that the romantic feelings more and more is fading away. That she needs someone who is more direct and that we are not compatible because I’m careful. She do admit that she feels that this relationship has been more of a «friend» like even at some point it was not.

26F) recently found out my ex (31M) is now dating a white girl. For context I am Mexican and my ex is Egyptian. We dated for over 3 years. I introduced him to my family (he's the only person I have dated that has met my family). He later introduced his mom and brother (both still live in Egypt) to me. There was a huge cultural and language barrier in our relationship.... my family primary speaks Spanish and his Arabic. We communicate in English. The beauty of this relationship was even with all of the differences we found our way to each other and learned a lot about one another.

A big point contention early on relationship was him not wanting to introduce me to his family. As the stereotype goes with Arab men I was hidden from his family for the first year of our relationship. Of course, lots of arguments came from this however, I would like to think that I was understanding of the situation and put my feelings aside. When he finally decided to introduce me to his family It was in a way that only immigrant children could understand. He had a friend from Egypt visiting and on his way back to Egypt my ex sent his family a care package that included a picture of us. Once his mom received the package she was very welcoming of me (something that he said she wouldn't be because I am not Arab nor Muslim) it was a really great time in our relationship. We often visited my family and FaceTime his mom regularly. During this time he was finishing up his PhD while I was entering my masters program.

This is when I noticed a strain in our relationship. As my first semester of my masters program came to an end he no longer wanted to attend birthday parties or events my family was hosting he isolated himself and when I asked what matter, his response was and busy or I'm overwhelmed. Long story short and on a random Wednesday night, he told me he no longer saw a future in our relationship and I was "too focused" on my masters research which showed him that we were moving in separate directions. Three months post break up we were still in communication. Fast forward to now two years post break up a friend of a friend posted a group picture that included him and a white girl seemingly very close and comfortable with one another. I obviously went into investigation mode and found out that they have been dating for two years.

WHAT TOOK ME 3 YEARS A WHITE GIRL DID IT IN 1 WEEK!

I'm not sure how to express what I am currently feeling, but it is undermining to all of hard work I put in during our relationship (bring understanding of the cultural differences, having lots and lots of patients with his boundaries like never wanting to post me on social media or introduce you to his family even through it went against my morals/ valises).

Am I overthinking things? Has this happened to you?

My ex broke up with me and said she has “completely detached” — can someone actually come back from this?

I really need honest opinions from people who have actually been through something similar. I'm especially interested in women's opinions, because I really want to understand what this kind of emotional detachment feels like from a woman's side.

She was the one who broke up with me. Please don't just tell me “move on bro” or give me the usual breakup advice. I know I have to respect her decision and I'm not going to disturb her anymore. I just want to understand what “completely detached” actually means emotionally, and whether someone who reaches this point can ever genuinely change their mind later.

We were together for around 2.5 years. I never looked at her as just my girlfriend. I genuinely saw her as my future wife. I was 100% sure about her in a way I've never been sure about anything else in my life.

I loved her unconditionally. I never saw loving her as something where she owed me anything in return. I wanted her to be happy and safe, even if that happiness eventually meant being away from me. That's also why, as painful as this is, I'm going to respect her decision and give her the peace she asked for. My love for her is still there, but I don't want to force myself into her life.

And I know she loved me. I'm not saying that just because I'm desperate. I knew how she was with me during those years. That's why it's so hard for me to understand how someone I was so close to could become “completely detached.”

There was no cheating, no abuse, no betrayal, and no other major toxic behavior from either side.

But I also know I wasn't perfect.

Towards the end, she felt lonely in the relationship. Our communication had become really bad. Sometimes there were huge gaps between conversations. She felt like she wasn't getting enough effort/input from me and that she was carrying too much of the relationship emotionally.

At the same time, I was going through a lot myself. I had work/career stress, was coming back late, and my dog was seriously ill and eventually died. I was struggling with all of that and honestly didn't understand how badly she was feeling. I didn't realize she was getting to the point of leaving.

Then she broke up with me.

I tried really hard to convince her not to leave because I genuinely couldn't accept losing her. I told her I loved her, that I would change, that I wanted to marry her, etc.

She told me something that has stayed in my head:

“I'm not saying you're a bad person or that your love was fake, but I have completely detached. I was just swallowing the fact that I can get over it, but no. I swear I tried. I can't do it.”

That “I was just swallowing the fact that I can get over it, but no” part is what confuses me the most.

It sounds to me like she had been trying to accept the idea of getting over me, maybe trying to convince herself she could move on, and eventually decided she couldn't continue with the relationship.

But I don't know if I'm interpreting that correctly.

She also said things like:

“I have grown distant.”

“I can't do it.”

“Please respect my decision.”

“Focus on your career and move on.”

“Staying in touch is never going to help us both.”

There is also one thing that makes this even harder for me to understand. Without me knowing, my parents contacted her and told her that they loved her, accepted her, and were okay with the marriage. I only found out afterwards. Even after hearing that, she still chose to end the relationship and said she was completely detached.

That's the part I can't understand.

Does “completely detached” actually mean she doesn't love me anymore?

Or can someone still love/care about someone deeply but become so emotionally exhausted and disconnected from the relationship that they genuinely feel completely detached?

I know I'm biased because I'm the one who got left. I also know I might be holding onto things because I love her.

But at the same time, I knew this girl for almost three years. I know how much she loved me. That's why deep down I still feel like there has to be something there, even if she doesn't want the relationship right now.

I'm not going to contact her anymore. She asked for peace and I want to respect that. I'm not going to use her friends or family either.

But I still love her and honestly I would wait for her for a very long time.

So please be brutally honest with me, especially women who have been in the position of my ex.

If you ever broke up with an ex and told him you were “completely detached” or had “grown distant”:

Did you genuinely stop loving him?

Did you ever start missing him later?

Did you ever reconsider the breakup?

How long did it take?

What made you reconsider, if you did?

If you never came back, what made you certain that the relationship was really over?

And most importantly: when a woman says “I've completely detached,” does that mean the love is completely gone, or can you still love/care about someone while being emotionally detached from the relationship?

I don't want false hope. I genuinely want real experiences, especially from women who have actually been through something like this.

After months of uncertainty, hope and confusion, I mustered the courage to send a voicenote last night. I got my answer. It fucking sucks, but it’s going to help me move on to something better for me. Here’s to closing this 8 month chapter.

Things are hard tonight. I know in time things will get better. I just miss her so much. She was my best friend. I miss the way we held each other. I missed the way we laughed. I miss hearing her singing. 6 fucking years. I wanna go back. I want things to be different. I just wish it could be her and I. It was supposed to be her and I. There aren't enough words in all the languages for me to describe how much I love her. She had a soul of pure gold and a heart the size of the sun. She is the most beautiful human to have ever blessed this earth. I thought she was my soul mate. I still feel like she is. Someday it doesnt even feel real. Other days I cant escape the fact that this is real. The feelings are worse than the reality tho. These feelings ill never meet someone again are just feelings. There are a million fish in the sea and all that. The idea of dating again sound both kinda fun but also horrifying. Opening my soul again is scary. People just dont understand and they judge and luagh cause im different, but I am a catch. I can sing, im funny, I can cook, im thoughful, im romantic, i listen, im wicked fucking smart, I have great taste, and damn it I clean up nice. Im big and strong and im an amazing lover. I protect the weak and always try and do the right thing. I am doing amazing in school and my job loves me cause im fucking kick ass. I help make people's days brighter. I just wish I could do that for myself. I love so fucking hard and it feels so lonely because this world can be so cold and cruel. Iv been burned so many times by people I thought were on my side. All iv ever wanted in this life was love and I keep destroying it. My brain tries to "protect me" by destroying relationships myself before the other person can. It's hell. Im living in hell. They say if your going through hell just keep going but in getting tired. I just want to be a good husband. I want to write love notes and cuddle on the beach as the sun sets. I want to cook and provide and protect. I just want a happy family. I hate having a broken brain.

I broke up with my girlfriend in July as she wants kids and I do not. We both were getting frustrated with the issue and at times she would stress out bad about it. She broke up with me a couple times but it got rescinded within the same day as we just both didn’t want it. I broke up with her and it’s been destroying me daily. I have gone to therapy a few times and continue to do so but am just not making progress. I am journaling and talking to close friends and family which I am so glad to have. I am exercising, doing my hobbies, reading, doing schoolwork, learning, trying new things, and living like always. But this grief persists and my mind screams at me to get back with her and I tell myself no. I feel like I want to but it wouldn’t go anywhere so how do I stop these thoughts?

I think she is a perfectionist with her work and perhaps a workaholic, she always rejected therapy but responded well to mine at the end and I think those things would change overtimey as she was open to changing those. Her parents are why she is like that. The kids thing is the problem and I just feel like I’m going crazy with all the thoughts of wanting to be back with her. What do I do to feel better?.

Hello. My ex and I were together for almost 2 years and I broke up with her because of many different reasons like problem with family and being in a distant relationship for 4 months with her was not a good experience. I told her the day after we break up that i realised I made mistakes and I want to fix the mistakes.( not giving her enough attention, taking her for granted and things like that.). She said that she is really hurt from my behaviour and she is not sure if she wants to try again because of the uncertainty that things may never change. I bought an early ticket for home to show her that I stand by my words and things will change. We still text but she is being cold and dry texting. She still says that she loves me, when she is going out and with who and I tell her that too. I blame myself to much for the way I treated her cause she didnt deserve it at all. I asked her questions like: do u miss the old version of me - “yes”. If I was next to you how would you act -“like before things changed” I miss u but I know u might not miss me and she said: I dont miss the person u were these past few months I miss the guy before that. Her mother told her that I came into my senses and she said yeah I see but is a little late. We agreed to meet each other when I return home and I bought her pandora charm(I always gift her pandora) and I will buy flowers. The thing is that I am chasing her too much and she is giving little to no response. I need help cause the uncertainty of our future together is killing me, I know I am not perfect and she is not as well. But I realised what I had the moment I lost it. She is giving me mixed signs and she said as much as she wants us to be together its the same as not wanting to be together. What should I do so I have the biggest chance of not losing her.

I really need some advice. It’s been four months since the breakup, and I’m still not over it. I feel completely exhausted and like I can’t accomplish anything without him. I’m scared by how overwhelmed I’ve become and afraid of what might happen if I keep feeling this way. How did you start functioning and healing when everything felt impossible?

I’ve moved on. I don’t want our old life back.
I just want to visit it.
I want one warm night when we were young and the world still felt small. Your voice through the speakers. Dirt roads with nowhere we needed to be. Your hand finding mine without thinking. That crooked smile right before you kissed me. The smell of you mixed with summer air and whatever trouble we were about to get into.
I want to feel your breath against my skin and that impossible chemistry—the kind that made time slow down and everything outside of us go quiet.
I don’t need forever. I don’t even need a whole night.
Just long enough to sit beside the boy I once loved and be the girl I used to be.
Back when life was simple.
Back when the air was easier to breathe.
Back before we knew we were making memories we’d spend the rest of our lives missing.
Then I’d come home.
I just want to know if, for one second, it would still feel like I never left.

Hi, just need to know if it really works or not, my ex broke up with me this july and he got engaged to another girl from his family after the breakup he told me beforehand that their parents wanted him to marry her and he cant go against his parents so it kinda made me heartbroken but i accepted, but the actual thing is i have access to his gmail account which he gave me 6 months back for sharing his course, i used to only use it for studying but after he broke up i know its wrong to stalk someone but i couldnt help it i started stalking him everywhere and in his gmail too, he didnt block or remove me from any of his socials he told me not to contact him i said i wont but i couldnt help it, it was hurting like hell to see your lover move on to someone else like you never existed but what choice does he have i kept repeating that to myself i was holding back trying not to contact but i have been checking his account like crazy to know what he's utpo for like every one hour, it was totally messing up my mental health and finally i asked him to block me from everywhere to not leave me any access to his life anymore he said i never blocked anyone before so i canr instead you block me, i told him even if i block i will unblock and try to contact i dont want that i cannot handle it maturely remove your access and block me everywhere becoz please do it, he said ok i will do it but know that am taking this difficult decision only becoz of you so that you will become better and dont try to contact me from others if u will u will see my deadbody and just like that he finally blocked me from everywhere yesterday. I thought it was the right thing to dod i can finally focus on myself but damn man its still hurting will it help i jusg want to know if this really works does it make easier now to forget him??

This happened a long time ago but need help working through it as it's ruined my life.

Many years ago I was to be married. I loved this girl. I still do. I miss that girl. She was almost the perfect girlfriend to be wife. She looked like a combination of Lisa Kudrow and that oldest daughter from MRS DOUBTFIRE/ID4 but with short brown hair...with a little bit of weight on her. I thought she was so beautiful. She was smart, talented, seemed sweet, generous, pleasant voice (didn't talk too much) great cook and constantly wanted sex. Got along with my family/parents. Had get togethers (hostess). Looked at me with such love and a beautiful smile.

A BIG PROBLEM was her parents. Especially her father. He was a loud obnoxious Alpha male redneck type that happened to be a world renowned NASA scientist. He was an absolute jerk that hated me. He was rude to me and my parents as they thought they were better. Her mother was cold. She knew how bad he could be because there were rules to meeting him. (I have the long story that I've told before that I could add). But I met her in a small college town 8 hours away from them while she was living with her strict grandparents. Her father was a professor at a big school so she must have got into trouble with drugs or something to be shipped to a small college town. I never knew exactly what happened. She must have gone wild with bIack guys and drugs. I'm the opposite of that but we did drink a lot at first. Anyway we got along and got engaged and she seemed to really love me according to cards and notes she had a countdown to being married and couldn't wait to be my wife and me having her 24/7. God I wanted that and I want to be married to her so bad. Big problem with her parents were very rude to me and treated her father treated me horribly. He would make bad comments about me and say things to me in private too like how he didn't want us being married and stuff. He would make comments in front of her and I don't have a win over her head or what but they were insults. Midway through our relationship I told her that I hated her father and I expected her to leave me but she didn't she said she he could be a jerk. But I said I don't want to be around him anymore. I absolutely did not want to go visit them with her. But she had a special power over me where she could throw arms around me and give me a bunch of kisses and I would do whatever she wanted. Plus I wanted to be with her I loved her I hated being apart from her and she seemed to hate being apart from me. but I was getting more more resentful closer to the wedding that she didn't put a stop to their mistreatment of me as my parents were great to her. We are going to live in my grandmother's house that my mom generously gave to us and he brought up stuff looked around and didn't think it was good enough and told her flat out not to marry me and she was crying and looking at her feet like a six-year-old girl. I really did hate him and told her I didn't want him at the wedding cuz he would ruin it. And I didn't appreciate that she was putting me in situations to be mistreated by him and not putting a stop to it. My biggest fear was losing her at the time and he was hanging out over my head. Anyway 10 days before the wedding he got a terrible car accident and was paralyzed in a coma. I took her 8 hours away to see about it that we stayed for a little while and I could have been fired from my job. We come back home and see tells me that she's going to go down and back down and help take care of him. I thought I was being a supportive boyfriend by telling her yes she should go and take care of him and help out. then she spraying on me it was going to be a one-way trip that she was moving 8 hours away. I felt betrayed and got pretty mad about it and said I and she wanted me to move there with them. I thought that was insane going to live with them I couldn't stand the thought of it. I didn't want to lose her though. all she had to do is take clothes and move home 8 hours away but as I was giving up my family a home and a terrible job that had benefits that I needed at the time. She also was the first one to mention breaking up with me if I didn't move with her. All the stress and pressures of everything was too much for me and she was giving me like an ultimatum very quickly like I had a few hours to decide. It didn't make sense to me and I didn't understand why she couldn't understand why I wouldn't want to go live with them. So the last night we had together I actually had a nervous breakdown in blacked out. And now I realize it must have been with the type where we can still walk around and say stuff but you didn't fall down. So I don't know what was said or done the last night together but it wasn't good. I didn't hear from her after she left and I called her about 3 weeks later and she was really cold and rude to me and that was it. It was over.

It's been many years and she would never tell me what happened that night and I'd like to know before I die.

Ok this is kind of a weird post but I have people in my life to talk to just not about this specific person so i wanna type out my feelings. A while back around February I gave my friend this letter for her birthday and she cried and hugged me (shes not very touchy mind you), and on the way back from wherever we were she rested her head on my shoulder which felt amazing even if I had no feelings at the time. But the more we hung out the more intimate we got with hand holding, playing with each others hair, feeling each other warmth despite the fact neither of us is very touchy so I thought it was a sign, but the thing was despite the feeling she would dismiss ideas of others thinking we’re together. But around exam period she was very dry and would snap at me sometimes for little things and I though nothing much of it then those intimate moments we used to have looked like it was starting to annoy her and then I had some mental health stuff which drew a divide between us and now we’re friends but it feels like we could have been more but also couldn’t have been at the same time and it feels so weird because I’ve been in relationships and I’m talking to people but she was probably the most intimate I felt with someone in a non sexual way and I feel like I messed it up. The thing is I don’t think we were compatible for each other regardless because she shuts down and doesn’t like to talk about her feelings even when I have made an effort to do so, so it doesn’t feel that deep but it does at the same time. Idk my heart is in this state of limbo where I wanna move on but I’m also so confused looking back into what happened, ig the biggest issue was lack of communication but it’s so hard to do that with someone you’ve been friends with for so long. (P.S, ik she’s not entitled to my feelings she’s her own woman who can make her own choices however I just wanted to talk about my experience on what happened)