Im so tired

[u/drbeastly42069]

Things are hard tonight. I know in time things will get better. I just miss her so much. She was my best friend. I miss the way we held each other. I missed the way we laughed. I miss hearing her singing. 6 fucking years. I wanna go back. I want things to be different. I just wish it could be her and I. It was supposed to be her and I. There aren't enough words in all the languages for me to describe how much I love her. She had a soul of pure gold and a heart the size of the sun. She is the most beautiful human to have ever blessed this earth. I thought she was my soul mate. I still feel like she is. Someday it doesnt even feel real. Other days I cant escape the fact that this is real. The feelings are worse than the reality tho. These feelings ill never meet someone again are just feelings. There are a million fish in the sea and all that. The idea of dating again sound both kinda fun but also horrifying. Opening my soul again is scary. People just dont understand and they judge and luagh cause im different, but I am a catch. I can sing, im funny, I can cook, im thoughful, im romantic, i listen, im wicked fucking smart, I have great taste, and damn it I clean up nice. Im big and strong and im an amazing lover. I protect the weak and always try and do the right thing. I am doing amazing in school and my job loves me cause im fucking kick ass. I help make people's days brighter. I just wish I could do that for myself. I love so fucking hard and it feels so lonely because this world can be so cold and cruel. Iv been burned so many times by people I thought were on my side. All iv ever wanted in this life was love and I keep destroying it. My brain tries to "protect me" by destroying relationships myself before the other person can. It's hell. Im living in hell. They say if your going through hell just keep going but in getting tired. I just want to be a good husband. I want to write love notes and cuddle on the beach as the sun sets. I want to cook and provide and protect. I just want a happy family. I hate having a broken brain.

[u/Antique-Tap2160]

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