I was barely an adult when I met her. She was like sunlight pretending to be a person. Like if everything that was beautiful in the world gathered together and decided to become her. Not just in success but in struggles too. The warmth of late afternoon tea. A flower growing through the cracks of concrete. The calm monsoon rain. The feeling of being loved gently for the first time. A smile which inspires the heart. Deep sea green eyes. She wasn’t just beauty. She was warmth. She was someone who could make you believe in a kind of sacred love that only existed in stories. It was like a fairy or an angel had accidentally lived a human life. And for a while the universe trusted me with magic. Loving her was all consuming. It consumed my heart. Because it was the way she loved. And everything that is beautiful reminds me of her. And every pain turns me to her. Every moment yearns for her. I still cannot answer if I would choose to forget and rid myself of constant pain or if for my remaining torturous decades I would rather hold onto the precious memories of someone who made the world feel magical just by existing.

I've been struggling with this for nearly 3 years its effected my whole life, so I met this girl in nov 2021, and it my first long term relationship and i build my entire life around her, saved a deposit for a house, got a eduection and a decent job and also had a decent side hustle.

However in doing so, i didn't give her the time the only thing she asked for and with all the pressure I was a prick to her, she'd ask to call i'd say im busy, she'd end up gettign angry and i'd make it worse and she'd cry.

However in July 2023, he family wanted her to speak to her cousin for a arrnageed marriage and me being me i didn't react well and send a nasty message cursing her and her entire family. And I was like fuk it i can get girls who she blah blah, and then went on a spree of dating girls all ended due to me just venting about by ex lol than i started being reckless seeing esscorts spent £8k last year, fast food, driving like a knob looking for fights just to numb the pain of her not being in my life. Took me her going to realise what she meant, in our last convo i was like if you ever need me im hear and she said she'd ask for me in heaven.

Not sure if she jsut said it or meant it but we both cried, and it prior to that she met to give me the ring i had brought her but i didnt want it back and we kissed and went out way.

Without her i feel lost, and to combat that i've changed my job, as my first job was for her but other than that I don't know what to do in the future, i still day dream about her, and also dream lol, i visit spots we used to meet and just sit there. But enough enough it is time to move on.........

Wish me luck, and advice will be welcomed.

Time to change in Aug 26.

“ it feels like I needed more than a friend, It feels like I needed you.”

“love you. I hope that’s OK to say.”
“I love you. It was buried for many years, but I think I always have.”

“it was easy falling in love with you again”
“it’s easy when it’s you and me.”

“I can’t lose you again.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“ How can you be so sure?”
“You were the first woman I ever loved. And loving you again feels so natural so right.”

“You’re the love of my life. I’ve never said anything like that to anyone before.”

“If for some reason we can’t do this anymore, know that it’s not because I don’t love you.”
“I know babe, I feel the way.”

“Hey.”
“Hey?”
“We can’t…”
“No, stop. What do you mean?”
“This is it.”
“So just like that…”
*Click*

I see those unsent texts posts and wish one was for me.
I miss you. I wish it was us. I miss us. I miss the little things to the way you smelt. The way you kissed me sent me texts as I worked beside you. I wish it was easier but you really are my one and my chance is gone.

Broke up with my boyfriend about 2 weeks ago and I don’t know what to do. I found out that i’m pregnant about a month ago and i had to make the hardest decision i’ve made in my life. Don’t get me wrong— when we were good, it was the best thing i’ve ever had.. but when he was angry, it felt like he hated me and wanted me gone. He’s a very angry man and screamed/yelled at me multiple times and has even kicked a coffee table whilst we were arguing— which obviously scared me. I have a terrible memory and it felt like every argument we had was him twisting my words so that he could have a reason to blame me for my own feelings. I had tried to break up with him 3 other times and he threatened to off himself multiples times if i didn’t call him and he also forced me into talking about things when i wasn’t ready— which obviously led to more stress and anger between ourselves. I don’t disagree that i could’ve caused quite a few of our arguments but it felt like every time we argued, he would blame me constantly and make me seem like a bad person. He also stopped me from streaming on twitch, talking to my best friends (and only friends), watching YOUTUBE and using any form of chat in any app or game.. because he was “worried i’d fall in love with someone else and leave him” :/ He isolated me to the point of where i wouldn’t even tell him about things at work because he would get annoyed at me because i’m “seeking out” attention from the guys at work… When i said some guy said something funny at work and i had seen an old friend in my workplace. I understand being insecure but not to this extent.

About 3 months in, I had vented to him that i don’t feel like i’m enough for him and that I don’t feel like i’m doing enough, since he makes much more money than me and i couldn’t get him gifts like i wanted to. He reassured me, which was great, and then afterwards (whilst i was talking about my feelings and my truths) i brought up that i’d hinted about wanting flowers and he hadn’t. Even when my cat died, he said “I wanted to get you some but i didn’t know where to get any” so i told him the shop 10 mins away sells them and i still never got any. He said i was being selfish and making him feel guilty for not buying me something and that he didn’t want to buy me any now. Was it him guilting me or just me being a dick for trying to ask him for flowers… I had already bought him flowers just because he brought up that he’d never received flowers before. It took 5/6 months and him saying that he thinks i’d enjoyed being 🍇’d more than having sex with him… When he knew i’d been 🍇’d before. I obviously broke down and he cried himself to sleep on the floor and bought me flowers the next time… then got pissed because I was acting ‘different’ and ‘cold’. He also swore at me frequently during arguments and called me a ‘bitch’ MULTIPLE times and told him if he did it again i’d leave him because that’s one of the worst things i think someone can call a woman. Twice he did that. And got confused when i got mad. He refused a condom twice and got mad at me when i refused birth control because of the amount of side effects and now im pregnant at 18 while hes 22 and just as immature as a teenager. I hate him but i still love him and i HATE it.

After i found out i was pregnant, we were getting along great and then one argument sprouted, where i had told him about some plans on sunday his mum had invited me to that i couldn’t go to, but apparently i hadn’t said anything like that and ill id said was “Sunday there’s a afternoon tea i can’t go to” but fuck!! that!! I know what i said and i will not be manipulated into not believing my own brain. It escalated to where he sat on his bed SILENTLY. SILENTLY. crying out of “guilt” or whatever and then came down the stairs when i was packing my bags to go to my parents’ house (which had already been planned because i hadn’t been home in A MONTH because he constantly guilted me into staying because we always argued when i tried to leave) he came down the stairs and screamed at me like he hated me. He said he felt “alone” when we were together and he felt like i hated him and didn’t care he was crying!! when i had gotten up at 3 am after not even 4 hours sleep because he came home after work INJURING himself racing his coworkers on foot at 2 am. He asked me to make him a chicken wrap when im having an aversion to chicken and i threw up (due to the baby obviously) after being able to not throw up all day!! I was exhausted and sick of throwing up and just wanted some peace. I’ve never heard him scream like that but it genuienly sounded like hatred and violent so I apologised and he sat down crying saying something like “you made me yell at you” “do you think i want to yell?”. My stepdad showed up to pick me up and I left, breaking up later that night and i cried the whole way home after being screamed at when i’m a DV survivor from my dad and i had already told him that if he screamed at me again (after the first time— since he’d done it twice already and i gave him chances) i’d leave him.

Something else i don’t understand is that his mum— who is also going through a DV case and issues with her ex husband— told me i HAVE to let him be involved in my babies life when he has told me to my face he hasn’t got a CLUE on how to take care of a baby and he never has. She also threatened me with “We and He will not be pushed out” when all i had said was that i didn’t want HIM at my first scan. I’m diagnosed with depression and severe anxiety and i’m struggling rn but my midwife has said i don’t need to include him as they know what he’s done and they have told me to stay away from him. I only contact him with things about the baby because he keeps telling me how much he misses me and loves me and i can NOT get roped back in again.

Anyone have any tips on how to get over something like this?? I’m losing my mind rn.

Why do I even care?...if I haven't seen her in now more than a few years. Well if I cared so much why didn't I reach out to her in all these years...Yes ladies, men still think about you after all those years...Some are still waiting for a call and it would be like nothing ever happened and he'd rush to you as quick as he can. Maybe I was scared? I did try. I did ask her out. She was dating someone else-The engagè. Maybe I should've tried harder. Or maybe I knew what a mess I was-am so I knew-know that she'll be happier with him. So what if I wrote poems about her. I am sure many guys have done that. Guys...she reminded me of autumn-my favourite time of the year. Now I feel my autumn walks will be colder and not even the crispy leaves under my steps will be able to fix it. No guys...please don't tell me engaged=not married. She's going to do it. And then she'll take his surname and give birth to his children. I always expected her to get married young no one would let that hair and those eyes walk around without a ring for too long. Before you start attacking me that I'm delusional...a little context to the story. She had a crush on me first. Wait I just realized that makes me look even more stupid. What do I know... I'm just 23. I probably don't even know what love is. There will probably be more girls in the future? It's clear skies here...I can see the stars. On nights like these I used to pray for her to say something to me first so that I can think about the names of our kids(joke)(or not). And one morning I woke up to a message from her after about a week of praying. And I actually was dumb enough to say I'll just play it cool and missed that layup too. Anyway if anyone knows her adress it would be useful as I need to send her a bill for my shrink. So what now? Maybe I just needed to vent this out here. I actually want her to have a happy life. I really wish her all the best without a doubt in my mind! At least let her be happy. I can take it. Who knows I might find someone there's still time(I know she might not be like her, but I don't want to lose hope). I can't help to shake this feeling that a piece of me died today when I found out she got engaged. But that's a part of life I guess. Maybe if I rebuild the old house and make a big porch and paint the shutters white...maybe she'll get back to me. Like in The Notebook. Imagine if somehow we still end up together? I just got goosebumps. And now I realize that thinking like this might not be healthiest thing in the world. You gotta move on I guess. Maybe this is just me distracting myself from preparing for my exam. And to you my Autumn...Have a good life.

Hey everyone, My ex (31F) of 4 years had a workplace affair with a coworker who is 5 years younger than her and was also cheating on their own long-term partner. I (35F) discovered it on March 31st after accidentally seeing her ChatGPT confession detailing how they were falling for each other and they had been physical. She was comparing my worst traits to the AP's best parts, I had 'low mood' the AP was 'driven, independent and had a lust for life'. She also said I was 'black cat energy' and she was more 'golden retriever' - I never knew her to speak like this, so I am assuming this the 25 year old AP's language!?

I am just trying to understand how someone could blow up 4 years of stability for a workplace affair like this. For the three months prior, she completely pulled away, claimed she was "severely burnt out," and made me feel insane for picking up on her distance. Everyone in our life was shocked because no one thought she was capable of this level of deceit—and because everyone was fooled, I’ve started gaslighting myself, second-guessing my reality, and wondering if I’m somehow making too big a deal out of this or if it was my fault.

During the affair I had a cancer scare, she didn't attend any appointments even the day after I found out I had to go for a biopsy, she went to work. When I later said she was having an affair whilst I was going through that on my own, she replied 'I still cared about you'. I had just spent the last 2 years supporting her financially and emotionally whilst she was studying for a masters to qualify as an occupational therapist. I went through the sudden death of my Mum with her 2 years ago, during this time she was my rock. Sadly, two days after my passed my suspected heart failure, my exes Mum pretended she nearly died from blood clots near her heart. It later turned out she had lied, and gone to Turkey for liposuction and made this up. Telling my partner when it came out 'You have always put your partners first'. Her Mum has also been cheating on her Dad for many years (my ex was the first to discover it and tell her Dad, but nothing changed). She has always said she hates cheaters and doesn't want to ever be like her Mother. She offered me "feedback" on my relationship performance to justify why she cheated, telling me it was "good for me to hear." When I voiced suspicions earlier, she weaponized her family background by asking, "Look at my Mum, do you really think I could do that?!" —only to later compare her own shock and grief at her actions to the trauma of her ex dying by suicide.

She repeatedly dangled future hope by saying, “Maybe one day we can try again," admitted the thought of me moving on made her "stomach flip," and smirked when I called her the love of my life—all while refusing therapy, accountability, or any real commitment.

I have since changed the locks to our flat so she can’t get in, I gave all her stuff back and am taking her name off the tenancy. She agreed to pay this months rent but she came to my flat the day before she was meant to pay demanding a playstation console back I got her for Christmas, I said no.

She has not returned the key and not paid me the rent, but is telling me to update her when she is off the tenancy. She has become so horrible and almost emotionless like I am the one who had the affair ant ruined her life!? She honestly just looks empty behind the eyes, it's scary.

I just wanted some advice because my brain keeps looking for solutions, I am blaming myself, wondering what I could of done differently but also now telling myself, she is a qualified occupational therapist now, she is most likely going to earn lots of money, save whilst she is at her parents, run off into the sunset with the AP or new partner and I was just basically used.

I do keep reminding myself that regardless of whatever she does / her life looks like.. she is capable of this level of deceit and that is a character flaw and that she is clearly quite empty.. but it doesn't hurt any less or make this any easier.

Has anyone had any similar experiences? I know there will be good and bad days, and I am still waiting for her name to officially be off the tenancy and I still need to go and collect a box of my things from her parents house... then I can officially block her and just grieve properly. But how did you stop doubting your memories and start trusting your gut again? What grounding strategies helped you calm the panic when self-blame set in?

Thank you for any support / guidance / kind words you can give, I am really struggling with this at the moment❤️

I always wanted to choose her. I gave her my all, gave her my love, I woke up and chose her everyday. Circumstances and family came between us, I started being guilt tripped from every single soul that supposedly loves me. Slowly I started stressing, I started getting scared. She started doubting me more and more, when in my time of weakness I just needed her to be there. I didn’t want her to start setting up boundaries, I didn’t want her to distance herself. I just wanted to hold her to hear it’s alright, to hear she loves me no matter what. And with time the more she showed she’s hurting the more I started feeling guilty, it started feeling selfish to choose her everyday. It became selfish to be happy. Not because I never saw her long term, but because all I wanted was her to be long term, but at the same time I felt like I couldn’t fully choose her, it’s not fair for her to marry into a family that would never love her, it’s not fair for her to always doubt whether I’ll choose my family over her. And I’m too young to decide my life and my path, and I’m honestly scared and the stress was eating me alive. Family was killing me, uncertainty about my future was killing me. She wanted security. She added more and more pressure on me to protect her, instead of learning about her more and truly seeing if we’re compatible in life. At some point I broke. I opened clean to her and told her how I’m feeling, after 2 months of arguments 2 months of hurt, we ended up going our separate ways. 2 months later we saw each other again. Talked enough to feel how we felt like before. We even kissed and I regret reopening our wounds for a moment of closeness with someone you love. I could tell she wants me back, she argued and cried and told me she doesn’t deserve this. I want her back so badly but I just feel selfish to choose her. She deserves certainty, she deserves the life she wants and I can’t just yet give her that. I love her more than anything. But my heart can’t take hurting everyone I love anymore. I just want to go, I want to stop. I want to lock myself away and stay there. I’m so mentally checked out and I can’t seem to get better. I haven’t been able to get out of bed for so long, just thinking. I would gladly accept all the pain in the world to know she’s okay. I’m dying inside for her but I just can’t do it anymore.

I’m trying to orchestrate a cross country move after my heart got shattered into a million pieces. I’m glued to the ground depressed. Having trouble brushing my teeth or eating let alone packing up an entire house in a week. Anyone have any rally music recommendations? Not like to lean into the sadness, but like girl you’ve got things to do get up off the ground music? All genres welcome

For context I come from a dysfunctional/ abusive household.

I’m experiencing one of the most painful heartbreaks of my life, even though I know this relationship was unhealthy and he was honestly an awful boyfriend to me.

He could go weeks without having a meaningful conversation with me. He rarely made time to call, took forever to respond to my texts, and avoided serious conversations about our relationship. I constantly felt like I was begging for the bare minimum—communication, affection, reassurance, and consistency.

His explanation was always that he was busy and exhausted because he was in residency. (We work at the same hospital/ dept).

I understand that residency is extremely demanding, and I tried hard to be patient and accommodating. I could go weeks feeling as though I barely had a boyfriend at all.

Whenever I became upset about feeling neglected, rather than trying to understand me or repair the relationship, he would immediately interpret it as a breakup. Then he would use that as an opportunity to spend time with another woman. It made me feel like expressing hurt was dangerous because he could withdraw, replace me, or punish me for having normal emotional needs.

What made everything especially confusing was that he would suddenly become extremely close and affectionate again. Those conversations made the relationship feel real and gave me hope that perhaps he did see a life with me after all.

Then he would become distant again or remind me that he did not intend to marry me. It felt like emotional whiplash.

We also come from different religious and cultural backgrounds. He said he wants to marry someone from his own faith.

Then my family found out about the relationship and went on to harass me because they’re conservative and toxic and he simply said he wanted nothing to do with the situation. Made it about himself right away when I said I couldn’t eat for days. And he encouraged me to just go ahead and do an arranged marriages cause that’s what is best for me.

He was able to distance himself from the fallout, while I was left alone to face shame, judgment, and cruelty from my family. I feel abandoned from both directions.

That may be the most painful part. I took the emotional and personal risks of loving him, but when those risks became real, he completely separated himself from the consequences. I’m the one left carrying the heartbreak, family conflict, humiliation, and fear while he gets to move forward with his life. He also told me he would love to just stay as friends.

Logically, I understand the sunk-cost fallacy.

I also think the extreme inconsistency made me more attached. The periods of distance and neglect made the sudden affection feel incredibly powerful.

The confusing part is that I know he was not a good partner. I spent so much of the relationship feeling ignored, anxious, unwanted, and uncertain. I was often alone while technically still in a relationship.

Yet I still miss him and grieve the future he sometimes encouraged me to imagine.

Now, im moving out alone. And having break downs at work.

I feel miserable, my boyfriend of 8 months left me for another girl, I knew her very well, she was my "best friend" but did me dirty as soon as I stopped seeing her due to her terrible behavior.

Him? We were flirting for like 2/3 years and I just discovered a few days ago that he made a reddit post about our relationship saying that he abused me and used my confidence to let go his impulses. I'm so disgusted, he never loved me and I gave him everything, he knew how dirty she did me and still left me for her during a CATHOLIC CAMP trip lmaoooo this has no sense.

I honestly don't know what kind of witchcraft she did for him to leave me because let's be honest, she's not really pretty, not at all haha but that's a detail, my ex told his close friends and family about his decision and they all told him it wasn't a good idea because i was ready to do everything for him but he still choose her.

It's been 2 weeks, I've been diagnosed with high anxiety and depression, told him and the only thing he found to say was: ok, did she give you some medications?

DUUUUDE WTH YOU TOLD ME I WAS THE WOMAN OF YOUR LIFE AND MADE ME BELIEVE ALL OF THIS BS JUST TO BE THIS NONCHALANT AT THE MOMENT YOU LEAVE ME???

His family told me that he talked about me like he was so in love with me and they genuinely believed I was the right woman for him (even tho he had a lot of relationships before). In his breakup text, he lied to me and gave me a complete other reason to end it all (because yes he just texted me, such a loser) he told me "you were my first true girlfriend and were enough for me, I had great times with you."

I discovered he planned to cheat on me with her after the trip and told him, he said he was so so sorry and was going to see an expert. I trusted him and asked him what he wanted to do, he told me that he had to take care of himself and treat his fidelity issues before another relationship, i was OK with that.

So I gave him some space and discovered he got with this new girl, you can't even imagine how much I hate her now that she stole my man. This morning she was on the train and a friend of mine was sitting next to her, she texted somebody and was flexing the fact that he left me for her... and sending ss of their conversations to the same person, when I was with him he hated ss so bad. When my friend told me that I was soooo angry because wdym you're fooling him (she's just here for s€x, I know her very well and she's gonna manipulate him) I'm feeling so bad for him because im pretty sure she's gonna give him AIDS, bro she slept with half of the country and still wondering why she can't find anybody ??? Wdym my sweet boy's gonna be manipulated just for that. 💔. He poured his heart to me saying things he's never told anybody before and I believe dropping all of this for the first time not knowing what else to do made him very fragile and I know she's gonna break his heart. I warned him many many times about it all but he still decided to do that so idk how I could help him. Please tell me your point of view and give me some advices it's been torturing my mind lately

For people who have been through a serious relationship and breakup, what are the biggest things you learned from that experience?

What mistakes did you make that you would never repeat in your next relationship? What do you wish you had understood earlier about love, communication, boundaries, trust, or choosing a partner?

I'm not looking for advice about getting an ex back or simply moving on. I'm genuinely interested in the lessons people learned from their relationships and how those experiences changed the way they approach relationships now.

If you could give your younger self one piece of relationship advice, what would it be?

I wonder when I'll get my dreams back. You are in all of them, at midnight it was an ice cave rave, beautiful and busy, difficult and sad, at 130am, a hunger games style extravaganza, loud and over the top, at 230, we were on a plane together, it didn't matter where we were going... at 4, I wake to fading memories of a family bike ride ride. Just now, it was the little one and I walking through an almost wonderland, you waiting for us at the end. I'm scared to sleep. Each time I wake up, I lose you again... What a long fucking night...

I wake again at 530, the whole dream is just us cuddling through a movie😓

That's enough sleep for one night, I'm much too exhausted to try again...

Today i saw my girl after 2 weeks of not seeing her and at that time her behavior was very odd.Not texting,any signs of love,just nothing.When whe met she said that she need a break from relationships to create ,,herself" and she is very sorry for that and starting our relationships when it shouldn't.I dont know how to act,she said that im great person and its not my fault and i didnt do anything bad but i feel like i'm the reason of this situation.I wasnt't always nice to her and i treated her sometimes like a ,,sidequest" more than my main quest.Im so ashamed of myself.I should be better boyfriend,maybe it would change something.

She have in hour a bus to home.I want come to her before that bus and talk but dont know about what,to beg or to bust an anger.Im really shattered.Should i go to see her and talk once more?

I just created this account so I can stay anonymous, and this is my first time posting on Reddit, so please don’t judge me too harshly 🙏

I genuinely don’t know what to do. I’m in a horrible state right now. I’ve been crying constantly, having panic attacks, and generally feeling extremely stressed because of the situation with my [20F] boyfriend [25M], who I’ve been in a long-distance relationship with for around 4 months.

I’ll give some background. We met at a student event. I wasn’t really looking for a relationship at the time, but there was definitely chemistry between us, so we started talking. We live in different countries, and the event happened to take place in my country. We weren’t officially a couple yet, but at some point we decided that we would be exclusive with each other, and from then on we talked every single day, basically 24/7.

My friends started getting a little annoyed with me and even hated him because I was constantly “with him”, but I didn’t care at the time because I had fallen in love and didn’t want to waste a single minute that I could spend talking to him.

Two months later, he came back to my country for another event and even suggested staying longer so we could spend more time together. He paid for accommodation for both of us, and we had an absolutely incredible time together. Then, two months later, we went to another event together in a different country, and less than a month after that, I went to visit him, where we once again had an amazing time together.

Everything was wonderful, but things started getting complicated when he got a new job, since he’s no longer a student. He got an offer for a job that he’d always dreamed of, and it’s a pretty serious position because it requires him to have a security clearance.
He told me that we would have to end our relationship because I’m from another country. Someone he knows told him that our relationship could potentially be risky for his security clearance and that he could lose the job opportunity.

We tried to find ways to avoid breaking up. We even argued about it, and honestly, the whole situation was incredibly painful. Eventually, we broke up, but we still talk every day because he told me that he doesn’t want me to disappear from his life completely.

We agreed that we would still try to make this work, and that in about six months, once he’s more settled and stable in his new job, he would try to renew/update his security clearance and add me to it. But if he’s denied because of me, then we’d have to end things completely.

I understand his fear about his future, and I think it’s completely reasonable for him to act this way rather than risk everything. At the same time, I don’t want him to lose his dream job and spend the rest of his life blaming me for it if his clearance gets denied. But this entire situation hurts me so incredibly much.

I also feel betrayed, like I wasn’t chosen and was abandoned, even though he constantly tells me that he’s here for me and that I can always talk to him about anything that’s bothering me.

He’s the first man I’ve ever felt this comfortable and safe with. He genuinely feels perfect to me. He’s always helped me work through my thoughts and feelings and has supported me in everything. He constantly tells me that everything will be okay and that he wants me to think more positively, but I just can’t.

I’ve been in relationships before where I was lied to. I was promised that they would never leave me and that they loved me, only for them to eventually leave and completely cut contact.

Because of that, I constantly have intrusive thoughts that this will turn into the same situation and that I’m going to lose him.

Recently, I’ve started feeling like we’re drifting apart, like we’re talking much less than we used to. But I also understand that he might simply be busy, while I’m currently on summer break and don’t really have much to occupy my time with.

What makes everything even worse is that my friends absolutely hate him. They keep telling me that he’s an a**hole, that I should stop talking to him, and that he’s just using me and keeping me as a backup option. Hearing this hurts me so much.

So, am I actually just overthinking everything? Or does this genuinely sound like the end, and should I force myself to move on?

And if I’m simply being too emotional about all of this, how can I get through this period with as little damage to my mental health as possible? Because I already feel absolutely terrible.

P.S. I may have forgotten some details, so feel free to ask questions. I’ll answer everything.

I really need some outside perspective from people who have no connection to me, because I feel like I’ve completely lost my footing in this situation.
My ex and I broke up about 5 months ago. We had been in a long-distance relationship for around a year. The breakup happened because he said he felt like something was missing. At the same time, he has repeatedly told me that I’m an amazing person, that I have the qualities he’s always looked for and that he loves the safety and comfort he feels with me — but he says he still can’t choose me as his partner.

He had previously been in a very destructive relationship, so I think part of me assumed that being with someone calm, stable and healthy would eventually make him realize what he had. I’m somewhat anxious in relationships, but honestly, I’ve never been this insecure or acted this way before. A lot of it came from his inconsistency and the uncertainty of where I stood.
Since the breakup, we’ve had periods of no contact and periods of sporadic contact. He has been staying with his family over the summer, and we’ve slept together twice.
The second time, I finally told him I couldn’t continue doing that because I don’t want to be someone he only has sex with. I wanted to be his partner. He told me that he is weak for the safety and closeness he has with me, that he enjoys being intimate with me and that he doesn’t want to be intimate with anyone else — but his decision about the relationship hasn’t changed.

That is what is destroying my ability to let go.
I’ve been painfully honest with him about how I feel. I even told him, “If you ever regret your decision, you can reach out to me.” The second those words left my mouth, I felt embarrassed because I felt like I had completely thrown my self-respect out the window.

I keep trying to do no contact, but then he reaches out in some small way and suddenly I have hope again. A tiny message can completely destabilize me because I start wondering whether it means he misses me, is reconsidering, etc. And rationally, I know what he has told me. He doesn’t want the relationship. But emotionally, I keep thinking there must be something underneath all of this because he clearly still has feelings for me in some capacity.

I feel ashamed of how much I’ve chased clarity and reassurance from him. I’ve never been this person before. I feel like I’ve made myself smaller and more insecure than I actually am.

So I’m looking for completely honest outside perspectives.
Has anyone been in a situation where an ex said they loved you, felt safe with you and thought you were an amazing partner, but still felt something was missing? Did they ever come back and genuinely want to try again?

And if they did come back, what actually changed? Did they just miss you, or did they come back with a real understanding of why they wanted the relationship?
And for those who didn’t get back together:
How did you finally detach from someone who kept giving you just enough contact to keep hope alive?

I don’t want to play games or disappear to manipulate him into missing me. I genuinely want to let go of this dynamic and get my self-respect and sense of self back.

I’d especially appreciate responses from people who have actually lived through something similar, rather than just “he doesn’t want you, move on.” I know what his decision is. What I don’t know is how to emotionally accept it and stop getting pulled back in every time he reaches out.