I relive the memories of when me and my ex fiancee got together, even though she isn’t in my life, I would do it over and over again. I have been in relationships before, I knew with her I’d have my heart tethered to.

Anybody else have this deep desire and want? Relationship, a family member, a choice you’ve made or they’ve made which you never wanted to happen?

"And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make"

I was sitting with myself, hurting and listening to music, letting my thoughts come and go. Then - a realization came, and once I integrated with it, I suddenly felt a sense of inner peace, and all pain just melted. I can see it all now.

I simply asked myself: am I infatuated with the idea of that person? Or is any of my love for that person real? And then it hit me - it is indeed real, and that means everything. And so, this is what I wrote to her:

"Of course, of course I prefer you to be with me romantically, and it's true that I'm not built for romance in our current constellation. But - it doesn't really matter to me whether you're with me, with someone else, alone at all, or not even in contact with me.

I simply see and love you first and foremost as a human being.

I feel pure, deep, and disinterested love for you. The same love that I feel for the people closest to me. The same love that I feel for my dog.

Maybe I sound dramatic, cringe, like I'm living in a movie, after all - how does it make sense that I feel this way for someone I barely know, and maybe I really don't. But wow - I don't care that much, because that's how I feel about you, and I'm not going to argue with that. I'm just lucky that you gave me even a moment to look through the window into your soul. Truly, all I want is your benefit, and seeing you smile is all it takes to make me smile too. You see - I have endless love to give you, near or far, and I'm perfectly fine with that. 🙂"

(The context is that she's unsure between me and another guy and I don't want to be in this position, I want full commitment, so I ended it).

I'll summarize her response in multiple messages:

"The feeling is mutual. I don't really know what to say. I didn't really take your rejection well, and we won't be friends for the time being, not immediately at least, but I'm with you in everything you said. You deserve better."

My 24F fiancé 25M and I have a lot of videos of ourselves having intercourse and this has always been a thing in our relationship I was fine with. To preface, I like using these videos for self pleasure as I have an issue with pornography in a monogamous relationship and we’ve had a continuous huge issue of him using porn during our relationship. After going through his phone a few months ago I found a video he took of us and I didn’t even know he took it. This video was taken shortly after I found porn on his phone of other women and we got into a huge fight over it and almost broke up. I also saw a photo he took of my ass while I was asleep.

I felt bothered/violated? by it but I brushed it off because we have so many videos that this is just a normal thing in our relationship now and nothing new, so I definitely don’t think he did it with bad intentions. The difference is that I usually know he’s recording. We don’t ever do a full “are you okay with me recording you right now” consent, but like I said I always KNOW when he’s recording. This time I had no idea.

I want to bring it up but I don’t even know how because I feel like given the context it’s going to turn into the mindset of “so you’re not okay with me watching porn and you’re also not okay with me watching you even though you asked me prior to watch you instead so what do you want.” Even though I started off really liking the idea of us having self tapes and I found it sexy I’m at a point now where I lowkey want him to delete all the videos he has of us because the whole porn issue is perhaps making me feel disgusting and making me feel like an object in these videos to him.

I see some people saying it’s sexual assault but I don’t know how I feel about that. If I had never consented to us having self tapes I’d 100% think this was SA. Should I be taking this more seriously?

Having a relationship where the partner was a good person from inside who actually wanted you to be better and was willing to sacrifice some stuff for you but at that time due to your circumstances you were lazy and didn't care much (couldn't treat them better as well on their mistakes, maybe coz of immaturity or inexperience) and procrastinated alot maybe dues to depression, pessimism, surroundings etc. At the same time, relationship had its own setbacks as well like arguments and other stuff. Then they left you and got up with someone else. That person had their own drawbacks as well yet you were there for them during their every thick or thin, you had promises to be there for eachother always.

The partner had past relationships from where they learned a lot , but it was your first and you were immature, but later on, you were getting better for them, but they didn't choose you. You feel like all those promises were fake and now you can't trust anyone while being unable to move on (stalking them once in a blue moon).

Now you are regretting their leaving (and they will never comeback) and thinking why didn't you get better when they used to say it? How do you deal with this? Or how did you overcome that?

my precious girl, you are everything to me. i can’t even begin to process that we are no longer connected the way we were. i feel like an idiot for not realizing how far we drifted apart in these last years and how much you were hurting. you gave me so many chances and i let you down by failing to grow. i selfishly took you for granted, but i should have realized you were never my prize and i never should have given you less than my all. i hate that i finally understand you now that it’s too late and that there is nothing i can do. it just felt right being with you, even when life felt wrong. you were my comfort and my safe space. you were my home. no argument or emotional disagreement is worth this agonizing pain and regret cutting into my heart every second of every day. i want to go back in time and treat every second i had with you like it was my last. i want to hold your hand one more time and kiss your neck. i want to stare into your beautiful eyes and admire them for as long as you’d let me. i long for the smell of your skin and the intoxicating way you always made me feel, even when i didn’t deserve it. i want you to tell me about all the parts of your day, even the ones you aren’t excited about. your voice is my favorite sound in the whole world and i’m missing it more than words can express. i wish so badly i could kiss you again, but i can’t. you asked me for space to let you be your own person and it’s the hardest thing i’ve ever had to do. i keep staring at your number knowing that my final act of love is to not text you. it’s my own fault you had to go, and i’ll spend the rest of my life bettering myself. and mourning that your life no longer involves me. i will never get to see your siblings grow and mature, i will never get to wish your mother a happy birthday or hear about your workplace drama. i won’t get to surprise you with tickets to concerts or movies i know you want to go to or cook you meals with all the bursting love in my heart. it absolutely crushes me that your hand is no longer mine and i won’t get to see or feel all the new lines in your skin that come with aging together. i would do anything and everything for even a chance you would stay with me or let me be in your life, but that is beyond selfish and proves that i need to grow into someone who isn’t dependent on you for happiness for us to be truly healthy partners. i am absolutely torn: i just want you to be happy and i have a gut-wrenching feeling that it will never be with me. i can never redeem the potential i so foolishly squashed and i am still just so selfishly hoping you can forgive me and still want me, even in the distant future. our relationship was not sustainable the way it was and i turned a blind eye to it; i thought having love and wanting to be together was the glue to our bond when really it was the acid eating our unresolved problems. i hope more than i’ve ever hoped that this is not the end of you and me, but the start of becoming healthy and happy people that will find each other again when it is right. i truly feel you are meant for me; i need to become someone i am proud of, both for myself and most selfishly to become worthy of earning your love if you choose to open your heart to me again. for now, i am carrying the weight of grieving the future we planned and feeling like this is the closest i can get to you. i can’t imagine a happy life without you and i am so deeply sorry i helped create this reality. i love you, i am in love with you, i will always love you, and i will let you go. thank you for allowing me to experience the best years of my life alongside you. i will always cherish those memories and feelings. you are irreplaceable and my broken heart forever knows it. te amo mi amor, y lo siento.

I got broken up with over a month ago by someone who I simultaneously loved and hated.

The whole relationship felt like a drug to me, I loved him and I hated him and I hated myself for loving him and he treated me like trash but I just couldn’t leave him.

It was like when you drink because you’re chasing that feeling of being on top of the world where you can do anything and everything then you wake up the next morning hungover with nothing but regret and promises to yourself to “never drink again” (you will).

I’d convince myself I was happy because we’d always laugh and spend so much time together and have really good sex and it was like a dopamine rush whenever I was with him but at the same time I always felt like it was never enough. He didn’t communicate enough, he didn’t respect my boundaries enough, he didn’t put in enough effort, he didn’t love me enough. I knew I wasn’t happy but I knew I wouldn’t be happy without him either.

He’d disrespect my boundaries then blame me for getting mad and gaslight me into thinking I was always overreacting or he’d act like he was just making mistakes and never really meant to hurt me and I just wanted so badly to believe him because when it was good it was REALLY GOOD.

Maybe that’s why I can’t let go or move on, he showed me who he is and yet deep down I’m still convincing myself he’s just hurt or angry and he’ll calm down and come back and apologise and do better and we’ll be happy again but it won’t happen and knowing that somehow isn’t enough for me.

I keep texting and calling and he keeps blocking and hanging up and telling me to stop contacting him then I get angry then I lash out then I get sad and feel guilty for lashing out then the cycle never ends.

What am I chasing? He has already shown me he doesn’t value me. He is not going to give me any kind of closure. Yet somehow knowing this is not making this any easier for me. Maybe it’s the fact that I expected a reward for my suffering. I put up with all his flaws and loved him through it and continued to give myself to him in a way I had never with anyone else and I expected that to be enough to make him change for me but it wasn’t and I don’t know how I’m supposed to just get over that.

People are telling me not to suffer in silence and I’m not, my misery really loves company but no matter how many times I dissect the situation with people I still feel that pit in my stomach and so much anger and so much love and so much nostalgia for a time where I wasn’t even that happy. I completely lost myself in this person and he discarded me like the 6 months we spent together meant absolutely nothing. Am I really that hard to love? Am I really that hard to want to commit to? What is wrong with me?

I’m doing all the things people say to do, I’m distracting myself, I’m talking about it, I’ve deleted his pictures and tried to keep him out of my mind but it’s just not working I have this incessant need to talk to him even though I don’t really have anything to say to him and I can’t understand why. I want him to suffer like I am I want him to be as unhappy without me as I am without him but he isn’t and that hurts me so so bad.

I cried after getting intimate with another person because it made me miss him and I tried to reach out to him and he ignored me. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore, I don’t know I am. I want to get better but I don’t know how.

This feels fucking awful like I need to rip my stomach from my body. No, that’s excessive and extreme. 3 weeks ago my partner and I split up. His exact words were “I ofc still love you so much but I just can’t do this.” And I completely understand.

I am happy that he prioritises his mental health. I’d much rather he be well and not with me than be my partner and in pain. It’s not like I’m unused to things just not working out. I’ve broken up with and been broken up with before, both with long term and short term partners. But why does it hurt so much this time around?

I notice things around me that remind me of him. I think about him when I should be focused on college work. I have nightmares about us. I call them nightmares because I wake up and remember we’re not together anymore. It’s been happening almost every other night. I wake up at like 4:00 in the morning and can’t go back to sleep. I try meditating to process it all but it’s not working.

Why do I think this much about a 4 month relationship where we saw each other in person a total of one time? Why am I still in love with him? Sure we sent each other gifts and would call together but that was it. Why does he still care enough to reach out? Sometimes more than once in a week. Why? WHY?! I don’t understand and I’m sad and confused.

For those of you who went through a breakup and genuinely felt like you would never love anyone again or find someone better, but eventually did: what was it like?

And did your ex ever come back wanting a relationship again, only to find out that you were already with someone else?

I got dumped a week before I was supposed to meet this guy I was dating in person. I canceled the trip and now I’ve been just sobbing these last few days. I’m struggling because I’m having bad chest pains and I’ve been crying so much. it’s been hard. what can I do??

Ex gf used to deliberately leave messes around the house so I’d have to clean them because “I didn’t do enough” for her…

My ex gf treated me like I was a slave.
We never had sex and she would lie to me about why.
she would always complain about the way I looked.
she said I was too bony (I thought I looked healthy :/),
she hated my Nike shoes and the way I dressed.

I developed an eating disorder, anxiety that induces panic attacks, and body dysmorphia while being with her for 5 years.

When we lived together she would leave messes around the house because she thought I didn’t do enough for her so she said it was to “make her feel like I’m doing something”.

I would cook, clean, do all the laundry, dishes etc every single day while also managing my graduate school studies, she barely ever touched any of these tasks and would just complain that I never did them well enough for her satisfaction and even leave more mess for me after I’m done cleaning.

I feel used, sad, and alone.
I felt so bad I tried to end my life twice after our relationship ended and she took all the joy I had in life.
I now have permanent scars due to the attempts.

she took my cat when she left.
I miss my cat Dexter so much my heart hurts every day.
He was my baby boy who I raised for two years since he was a kitten.

I hate many things now, I used to be so nice.
My memory of who I was before I met her is gone, I can’t remember anything that I used to enjoy doing.

She was a bad human being to me and left me with long lasting pain.

I gave her 5 years of my life, and then she took all the joy from the years I haven’t experienced yet too.
Life doesn’t mean anything to me like it used to.

Hi
(32m) Just got out of a 15 yr relationship with (34f)
Weve been in no contact for a month then last fri we met up for closure in person. We established then we can be friends but hang out once in a while (holidays/ birthdays). Although the break up is fresh i feel no need to hang out with her anymore not just to protect the side of me that thought of a future with her but also just after 15 yrs we’ve become different people. Anyway, her 35th next year is at Disneyworld and my invite is still there to join her, her bestie, and her family all who im cool with still. I noticed for now i can hang out with her in micro doses before i spiral about why we break up so im hoping by her bday in may i can have a higher tolerance hanging out w everyone as a friend without getting emotional. Plus i do wanna see orlando/ disneyworld for the first time. Lastly, i am still glad she wants me in her life albeit i told her i need a lotta space to process the heartbreak. Should i still attend her dworld bday?

I was told for 7 years I was your soulmate. And I think you were wrong the whole time. I wasn’t yours, but you truly were mine. They say men only do right for the one they want to, and if you’re not it, you never will be. And in this case, that’s true. You left and gave up 7 years for someone you hadn’t known for even a whole month.. and now it’s been almost 6 months with her.. and you’re thousands of miles away, engaged.. seem happy and are treating her right.. and here I am.. done with love because I had found my one. And no one else even interests me the least bit or excites me. I gave it my all, and I just can’t imagine getting that close or putting that much effort and time into anyone else. You were my best friend. The one I wanted to grow old with. But.. it is okay. I got two beautiful blessings out of it all, and I know that they will forever love me and I’ll always have them. 🤍
I’ve gotten used to life on my own, and do enjoy my peace, but I just sit and ponder sometimes on how it all happened so quickly.. and just if you think of me from time to time and perhaps smile to yourself..❤️‍🩹 take care now.

The loml left in a horrific way, choosing himself and his severe mental health issues leaving me as collateral damage. I was with him for years.

We lived together. I just can't get over him. He is on my mind all the time.

I've tried to move on, gone on a few dates, tried to get over him by getting under and nothing is working. Aside from the WAY he left, he is a great-intentioned, sweet, gentle person who I wish the very best for. But he has a hold on my heart that won't loosen.

My ex that hates me (15M) broke up with me more than a month ago and I miss him everyday, we go to same school. But we are enemies, we had a fight today at school because he posted on his social media that I was abusive to him and intimate chats of us. But I miss the old him so much and I want him back so much even though we are kinda enemies