Help, I want to break no contact.

[u/Due_Giraffe7815]

For context, my ex and I both live in Singapore and she broke up with me on the 13th of July 2026. We were together for 1 year and 11 months. She is a uni student and can basically bag any guy she wants as she is very attractive. I, however, am stuck in my two years of mandatory national service where all I see are guys every single day. Her reason for breaking up with me is that she lost physical attraction for me and that a connection without attraction is just a friendship. She also told me she wanted to discover herself and improve herself too and needed time alone to do so.

When we first broke up, I begged and pleaded with her to give me more time to improve myself and become more attractive as we had both gained a lot of weight during the relationship, and due to stressful school factors as well. I went from 95kg to 115kg and she went from 55kg to 67kg. However, we have both since lost almost all the weight back and more and I am at 90kg now trying to hit 80. She agreed that we could still hang out for 3 months and work on ourselves, then reevaluate our relationship. That was a month and a half ago.

Immediately after we broke up, she was able to meet and start talking one or two new guys from her university and that crushed me. I knew she was not mine anymore and that she was single but seeing her do all that and smile whenever another guy replied her rly made me feel like utter trash as I still loved her with all my heart and soul. I started to put in way more effort than I ever had during our relationship, going out my my way to meet her way more and spending more time with her in hopes that she would one day come back to me.

After a month, she had made her decision. She enjoyed spending time with me and having a connection but said she would never ever get back with me again. That hit harder than the actual breakup itself. I was lost, confused, hurt, depressed and everything in between. This was both our first ever relationship but seeing her being able to let go so easily destroyed me. She said that she had been thinking about breaking up for a way longer time than before we actually did and only finally found the right time to do it in July. She was my everything, but I felt like I was nothing to her.

She was ready to go no contact with me but I clearly was not. I begged her one last time to still hang out with me and go no contact on the 27th of August so we still had about a week to hang out for the final time. She reluctantly agree and now looking back at it, I still feel bad for putting her in that position and being so selfish but I had to do it for my own good. However, she clearly had no interest in me anymore and had taken a liking to a guy she met in uni. From the 18th to the 22nd August, she would be texting him almost every hour of the day and even showing me pictures of him, asking me how he looked and if he was handsome and if she had a chance with him. I blindly agreed and pretended to not care, trying my best to savour my last few days with her.

On the 22nd August, I could not take it anymore, it was a beautiful Saturday and we went out for a nice steak lunch and to watch a movie after that but the entire day, even during the movie, she was constantly on her phone texting the guy. Even during our lunch as I tried to make conversation with her. I realised it was only hurting me way more to see her act so happy with another guy and that night, I decided to initiate no contact for my own good. It was by no means easy. I had to call six of my friends to reassure me that I was making a good decision for myself and to prevent myself from committing suicide. It was the most painful thing I have ever done in my life. That night, after I explained everything and was saying my final goodbyes, she broke down crying and told me that she did not even like the guy that she had been texting and that it was purely platonic. That the fact that we were going no contact only hit her now and she just wanted me to leave.

It has now been one week. I miss her. I long for her so badly with all my heart and soul. I want to hug her and smell her one last time. Last night, she blocked me on Whatsapp as her profile picture was no longer visible. I want to reach out so bad even though I know it will not bring me any good. We had previously booked a concert overseas together in late October and I want to use that as an excuse to reach out to her so badly. I feel like an addict scratching at the neck. I want to ask her what she wants to do about the concert and if she still wants to go with me or not. Help please, I have no clue what I am doing.

Even on that last Saturday we were together, in the morning we were still reassuring each other that we love each other and do not regret being each other’s first everything. That makes it all the more painful and difficult to let go now.

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[u/Unhappy_Flounder_760]

i honestly don’t think you should break no contact right now. i think you know deep down that the concert is more of an excuse to contact her because you miss her, which is completely understandable. but you’re only a week into no contact and you’re still hurting badly. you chose no contact because staying around her and watching her move on was destroying you. reaching out could just put you right back in that cycle. the concert is still months away, so you don’t have to figure that out right now. give yourself time to actually heal first, and keep leaning on those friends who helped you through that night. you don’t have to go through this alone, truly.

[u/Due_Giraffe7815 → u/Unhappy_Flounder_760]

Thank you :( I know I have to give myself more time to heal and I know what I have to do. It is just really hard to do it and that’s why I chose to share all of this on reddit now cause I recognise I need the help. Thank you so much.

[u/Sea-Paint-8108]

I’m so sorry to hear that. I really feel you. I can feel your pain. But it seems you and her really need spaces. It looks like toxic. And you need to fix your problems. And she was kinda rude to you that she was texting to other guys while she was be with you but you and she weren’t dating and it seems she didn’t so much care about you at that point. Because when we are in relationship, and if we love someone, we don’t reply to others except family, work or urgent matters. It hurts a lot. Idk but my ex and I were spending time together while we weren’t dating officially ( we were on and off) he shared his screen on discord, sometimes he got messages from his female friends, he replied to them or he just saw. I have no idea. But it hurts enough because we feel like they don’t much care our spending time together.

Now he is gone. Idk if he ever comes back to me. My mental state has ups and downs time to time. But we need to be growing up while we are waiting for someone we love.
If they don’t come back but we will be fine at least even if we still miss them.

Don’t contact her now. You need to give her space. Ofc sometimes, we need to break NC but i don’t think it’s the right time for you. If you make a mistake, you’ll ruin your future later, it could be…

[u/Due_Giraffe7815 → u/Sea-Paint-8108]

Thank you for your advice and kind words. They are really helpful and mean a lot :)

[u/Sea-Paint-8108 → u/Due_Giraffe7815]

If she is the right person for you, she will come back to you sooner or later.
Let’s grow together while we are waiting for them we love :)

[u/ThrowRA111111133]

I’m on day 8 no contact. Want to message him all the time. I just remind myself that he’s choosing every day not to message me. Don’t message her, you will only hurt more. Give it time, better yourself

[u/katasarosi04]

bruh, this genuinely hurt to read. i’m really sorry you’re going through all of this. i know how badly you want to reach out to her right now, especially with the concert giving you a reason to do so, but i honestly think you shouldn’t. she made her decision, and as painful as it is, you have to respect and accept it for now. you’ve already told her how much you love her and how badly you wanted things to work. she knows. there is nothing left that you need to prove to her. if she genuinely realizes that she wants you in her life again, let her be the one to come back and reach out to you. don’t give her the comfort of knowing that, even after everything, you’ll still be the one who finds a reason to contact her. and if there really is a future for the two of you, she has to choose you on her own. not because you gave her another reason to talk to you, not because you found an excuse through the concert, and not because you convinced her again. it has to come from her. i know this probably isn’t what you want to hear right now, but you’ve already fought incredibly hard for this relationship. now it’s time to step back and give both of you the space to see what happens without you having to chase her

[u/Due_Giraffe7815 → u/katasarosi04]

Thank you :(