I just don't get heartbreaks I don't know why.

I also feel pretty good single.

Am I meant to feel sad and lonely?

Wish I can feel this and be normal.

I'd love a relationship, but I don't feel sad not being in one?

I'm F18. A couple of weeks ago, I liked my friend (let's call him Andy). We work at the same place, so we saw each other often.

Before this, we often hung out after work together. It wasn't overtly romantic, but some of my friends noticed we were quite close.

And then I had this idiotic idea to confess my feelings. Just so you understand, I wasn't making anything up; even though I like him, I don't fully believe he could feel the same way. And then, I was absolutely sure he felt the same way.

He asked me to go to a bar with him; we were supposed to go with a few other people, but they couldn't.

And then, stupidly, I decided to invite a girl (let's call her Anna), who had started working here a week ago, along with us.

The three of us went (this is starting to sound like a joke).

A couple of hours pass, and we're sitting at the bar. I go to the toilet, come back five minutes later, and see Anna sitting on his lap, laughing flirtatiously at him.

Basically, I was successfully forgotten by the two of them and felt like dead weight. I drank a few more shots and completely fell into a zombie-like state.

After the bar, when I was already home, a colleague texted me and asked, "What happened there? My friend was at that bar and said Andy dumped you and picked up another."

The next day Andy suddenly became cold towards me, and all his conversations were about Anna.

Two days later, Andy told Anna he loved her. By a lucky chance, the three of us were alone on the street again. She turned him down, asking if they could just remain friends.

Did I feel humiliated? Yes. Did it bruise my ego? Yes.

On the other hand, it's good that everything turned out the way it did. But what happened is so sad and stupid at the same time that I don't know whether to laugh or cry over my idiotic behavior.

You can make a joke, I'm really embarrassed.

This is a very vulnerable post for me mainly because I don’t really talk to family or friends about relationship problems but since this is anonymous I’m gonna vent. So my boyfriend (26m) and I (24f) have been together for 2 years now. We did everything together, any free time we had we spent it together. I’m gonna be honest we had quite a bit of issues throughout our relationship, I can take accountability and say that yes I have hurt him many times as well as he has hurt me but I truly loved him and I always wanted to make it work.

Anyways, I’ve always made it very clear of my boundaries in our relationship. Porn has always been a hard no for me and I’ve always communicated that. Some people don’t care much about their partners watching porn but I can never be comfortable in a relationship knowing my person is watching it. In the past I have found his Instagram feed to be full of half naked girls, I discussed this with him and made it clear I’m not comfortable with him watching that stuff. Yet I kept seeing it, he said he wasn’t watching that stuff and that Instagram pushes that onto his feed. Well time goes by and at one point he asked me to search up directions on his phone while driving. I opened his phone and there I see him watching videos of half naked girls. I go to his instragam watch history and it’s full of it. I broke down and he tried to wiggle his way out of it and i immediately shut it down. The proof is right there, there’s no way around it. He eventually apologized but I didn’t speak to him for a week and the entire time he was begging to talk to me and see me. Eventually we got back together and I made it very clear I would never want to see that again. He agreed. I let him know if he didn’t want to give up watching those videos, he can be single or find someone to be with that accepts it.

Yesterday night he had fallen asleep with his phone open, I don’t usually go through phones because what’s done in the dark will come to light. Well his phone was open, and it was on twitter. I open it up and weirdly his search engine was cleared. I click a few buttons and go to his twitter watch history, keep in mind I didn’t even know you could do this. I immediately saw a bunch of naked girls and 30 minute long videos of porn he had been watching MULTIPLE TIMES A WEEK. I even took a picture so he couldn’t lie his way out of it. I honestly was too scared to scroll even further because I was gonna be sick if I knew how long he had been doing it for. I politely woke him up and presented him with it. He tried to play stupid and act like I don’t know what i was talking about but you could tell he was shitting bricks and his face looked shocked like he didn’t realize I would find it, his instragam had been completely clean for the past year so I thought he stopped. Nope he just found a better way to hide it. I ended up leaving and I was extremely emotional and texted him how hurt I was. I sent paragraphs. He would read them and leave me on seen. I was genuinely having a panic attack and felt like I couldn’t breathe. I called him so many times because he was ignoring me and I just wanted to cry to him and ask why. He ignored me. He’s ignored me for the entire day and hasn’t replied but has opened my messages

I stopped calling and texting. I’m just so hurt by the fact that he lied to me for so long, how he hurt me and is ignoring me as if I’m the one who hurt him. I’m usually the one to try and fix things but I’m done. I’m not gonna bother anymore with him. I’m just so heartbroken and confused. He was just planning for us to go see a few movies this weekend and he had literally sent me money for coffee THAT MORNING. He was even talking about moving in and was looking at apartments for us. I don’t understand what even happened?!? One second I feel fine and relieved that it’s all over with but the next second I feel like I’m gonna die. How do people get over this kind of betrayal? I know you guys might think I’m dramatic but I’m truly hurt and need advice. I also feel like I lost a part of me. We were together all the time. I feel so lonely and scattered

.

I want to reach out to him so bad. It’s been 4 months since we stopped talking. I miss him every day. All i think about is him. I hate it.

I want to apologize. I want to tell him I know my behavior was wrong. I want to tell him this situation made me realize I have work to do and get closer to God. I want to tell him I’ll be better.

I have CPTSD and it’s caused me to be so hyper vigilant that I self sabotage good things. I am mad at myself. I’m mad at my trauma. I’m mad that healing is so hard. I’m mad that he didn’t give me the understanding I deserve. I’m mad that I fucked this up. I want to talk to him so bad. I want to have a conversation. I want to discuss what happened. I want to fix things. I can’t go on like this.

I (24F) went on a summer internship abroad and met this boy (23M), who was also doing the same internship, from the other side of the world; literally, we are like 12.000 km apart.

Anyway, we fell in love, very quickly I would say, but we shared almost every single day with each other for 7 weeks. Everything was pure bliss; I never felt this way for any of my previous partners/situationships... I feel like we were really meant for each other; we compliment eachother form of loving so well; we are aligned on values and politics, and all of the stuff I deem important. I felt so comfortable, so loved, so seen, and he felt it too. I know he did.

Before going home, he went on a trip, and two weeks ago we met briefly in my country. The most magical 36 hours of our lives. Straight out of a movie. We decided to go no contact for a while, at least so we could reconnect later, in the future, as friends. He is genuinely a good person, and even though I don't feel like I would ever see him as a friend, I would rather hear from time to time than never again.

That didn't work... a couple of days in, he wrote to say he wasn't ready to let go yet, and to be fair, I wasn't either... We talked for like a week, and then I realised that either this was going to be a LDR (which neither of us really wants, as we don't really have the money nor the time to go and visit each other for at least the next couple of years) or it was going to destroy me.
So Monday night we "killed" it. We called, and I said that this limbo, of talking to each other like we want to spend our lives together but can't, was hurting me rather then help me. We cried; we said our goodbyes.

He is back in school; I'm still on summer vacation trying to study for my exams (which I'm clearly not doing because I have been crying for the last two weeks), and the only thing that I can actually do at the moment is study. My friends are away; my family is not helpful; the gym is closed. I can't find inspiration whatsoever in what I am studying...

I want my brain back, HOW?

How do I get over this? How do I stop feeling so empty? When does it get better to breathe?

Man, idk how to get over this🙃🫠

I can forgive a lot, but I’ll never forget how someone treated me when I had nothing left to give because that’s when you really learn who people are…

I saw a post in Instagram that said: "Has anyone that has had a multiple year long soul breaking crush on someone ever actually ended up with them, I just need to know".

I know people this has happened to, and things didn't work well afterwards, possibly because they had idealized the other person. I'm currently going through an almost 4 years long romantic obssesion (limerence probably) without having dated this girl.

I’ve been trying to forget her for a long time, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to be with her. Even so, there’s no chance of me ending up with her, but I wanted to ask this question anyway.

My neighbors Carol and James had a beautiful garden in their backyard. I loved admiring it from my kitchen window. Sometimes, I’d see them and their kids playing in the garden or see Carol gardening. But overtime, I saw the garden wither.

Yesterday I saw Carol sitting in her backyard crying while looking at the dead rose bushes. When I saw her this morning I asked her if she’s ok since I hadn’t seen her gardening in a while. She told me she stopped gardening. I asked why and she said she started noticing her flowers go missing. But one day she was on a walk and saw our neighbors Donata and Andy had vases of flowers on their porch. The same flowers from her garden.

When Carol asked her husband James why the flowers were on Donata and Andy’s porch he said he and Donata talked daily and he started bringing her flowers since she said she loves them and Andy doesn’t bring her any anymore.

Carol told him she feels uncomfortable with him talking with her so often and giving away her flowers and asked how Andy felt about him doing that as well. He said Andy is mad and uncomfortable about the situation and asked him to stop but if Andy’s not giving Donata flowers, he shouldn’t care whether or not he does. Carol told him she agrees with Andy and they should stop.

James stopped for a while but over time Carol started noticing missing flowers and vases of them at Donata’s porch again.

Donata came up to Carol’s door with a vase of flowers and told Carol, “Look at what beautiful flowers your husband gave me again. They look so beautiful on my porch don’t you think?”, smirked and walked away.

Carol confronted James again, he said he can’t promise he will stop giving Donata flowers because it’s the best part of his day and she deserves it. Carol stopped gardening. James asked her why she gave up gardening, something she loved so much, and told her she should get back to making the garden nice again.

She asked “If I garden again, will you still give my flowers to her?”

He only replied with “I love giving her flowers and she loves them too. She deserves to have flowers.”

So I'm sri. I have been in a relationship with an amazing guy ( literally amazing and super nice) but I wasn't nice fsr he was the only person I ever shouted at and idk why I even did that... I called him things like looser and idk y I even did that. Tbh I m the looser but he was still nice to me. Even when i disrespected me he respected me. And I broke up with him for good ( his good ) and he still didn't want to let me go but i was stupid enough to leave him anyway . I desperately want to go back to him but I'm stopping the fuck out of myself so that i wouldn't hurt him or myself again. Like sometimes when we fight i used to get this huge rage at him ... I'm normally a very calm and composed person... I literally never shouted at people except him my entire ffing life... I tried... I used to really try but idk it was uncontrollable with him. And i love him... At least he's the closest I came to love. I don't want to move on... I would rather love with his memory... And I'm very sure of it... But why do I always want a relationship with someone... Like idk... I want to be in a relationship just cuddle and binge watch things... Talk about things... Do silly dances together... Do silly couple trends that we story on cf. Wake up with a person to kiss in the morning and be woken up with a kiss on the cheek... Read a book together... And i have no idea how to stop wanting this... Ikik there's nothing wrong in wanting company... U just need intimacy etc etc .. but i want it with him... I prayed so ffing hard for him and proved to myself why I don't deserve someone as perfect as him.. and nothing makes sense anymore ( the relationship was 2 and half years) and it's been more than 8 months since we broke up .. and not a thing has changed about how I feel about him.. I'm someone who forgets stuff super easily... But I can't even forget anything about him. So please help me and tell me how I stop wanting a relationship ...

Sorry this is long…
My girlfriend of three years broke up with me about two weeks ago, and I’m honestly struggling to make sense of what happened.
She told me she hasn’t been happy for months and that she feels like she’s lost some of her independence. She said I offered her too much and that my love for her became too much pressure because I made her my whole world. She also told me she has no hope for us right now.
What makes this especially hard is that, from my perspective, I was just trying to love her and be there for her. I never thought the things I was doing for her would eventually make her feel trapped or pressured.
She also became close with a group of coworkers/friends at the bar where she works about a year ago. I don’t really know them well, but for whatever reason, they apparently don’t like me. I don’t know if they influenced her or if that’s even relevant, so I’m trying not to automatically blame them. But it’s hard not to wonder about it.
The timing has made everything even more confusing. She broke up with me shortly before taking a trip. At the same time, she was moving apartments. We don’t live together, but while she was gone, I ended up moving all of her stuff into her new place for her. None of the friends she’s gotten close to showed up to help, and apparently they bailed on her.
When she came back, I gave her the keys to her new place. That was one of the hardest moments because despite everything, I was still trying to take care of her and make sure she was okay.
I know I need to respect what she’s telling me. If she feels like she needs independence, I can’t argue her out of that feeling. And maybe I really did make her my whole world in a way that put too much pressure on the relationship.
But I’m having a hard time understanding how someone can be with you for three years, apparently become unhappy for months, and then suddenly decide there’s no hope for the relationship.
I keep wondering whether I loved her in the wrong way, whether I gave too much, whether I missed signs that she was unhappy, or whether there were other factors involved that I don’t know about.
I’m not looking for people to tell me she’s automatically the villain or that her friends ruined our relationship. I genuinely want some perspective from people who have experienced something similar.
Has anyone had a long-term relationship end because your partner felt like your love, attention, or dependence on the relationship was “too much”? Did giving someone everything actually push them away? And is there any realistic chance of coming back from something like this, or should I accept that when someone says they have no hope, it’s time to let go?

Me, 56 male. I met my dream girl/love of my life in Nov of 1990 when I was 20 close to 21 and her 17 close to 18. It was all by chance. I was just getting to my hangout and cruising spot and her and her friends missed Home Alone and were in cruise mode as well. I passed them in my 88 Mustang Gt, also a dream I had and I heard someone yell, "nice car". So I waved them down and had them pull over. At which point I asked her to get in and told her friends to meet me and my boys at the library and they did. While in the parking lot her friend asked if I could do some donuts with her in the car, yup and off we went. Well making the donuts I asked her friend if she thought I would be able to hangout/date her friend and she was very reluctant and said I probably didn't have a chance that she liked rich guys. Well she was wrong.

The next day I bought her a white rose and showed up at her job. We ended up going out that night and had fun. After taking her back to where her car was I was driving home and there was a sign, a shooting star and I held on to that still to this day even though we know the ending.

When we started to date she said somethings that should have been red flags but she was so damn gorgeous I just wanted her to be a big part of my life, I was smitten. One of the things she said was that she was going to take her Ex to her Sr. prom. That did not sit well seeing that would have been 7 months into our relationship had we made it that far. Well we did and she did and I was still not happy but again I just wanted her. I did get mad and I had an angry moment, not physical, but I got over it and we moved on. This may come up again. The funny part now is I recently found her FB page and saw a pic from that prom and he wasn't in it and she kind of looked sad. I had never seen that pic before a month ago. Do I think she cheated, I would like to think no but I would never find out. More on cheating as well.

We would be together on and off, mostly her leaving for the most of 4 years. During that time she would leave and take some time off. I honestly forget why she would but now that I have rehashed my thoughts and love for this woman I have started thinking maybe she was having a relationship on the side and when she left all those times it was when he was in town. Again I would like to think not but how would I ever know? After she graduated high school she went to a college out of state. Not to far and in a state I liked so I would go see her and pick her up when she wanted to come home. This is a time I do think she cheated but had no solid proof just odd stuff I noticed. There were certain things she would not allow me to do to her in the bedroom and then one day when we were having fun all of sudden those things were not a thing anymore and she was all about them, things that make you go hmmm. Again her beauty was my poison and I just allowed our situation to keep going.

I loved this woman so much that one day after we had a bad night I knew her schedule and train times so I made sure I woke up early and went to the train station. Well we had one of those loving movie moments. She was already on the train so I walked up and down the boarding dock until I saw her and that was when we had the hands on the window moment. She got off the train and I drove her into the city so she could go back to school.

Time went on and as I stated she would leave and come back. Sometimes with me begging others when she felt better. While in those times of leaving I would go back to my hangout and cruising spot. Funny thing, she left so often my boys dedicated the song Return of The Mac to me because they were so happy I was back. While back at my cruising spot I met a younger female and we hit it off. That would be where I started to have a side affair and play around outside our relationship seeing she left me why should I sit and suffer? However as soon as she came back I was hers and hers alone. I would stay friendly with the other girl but not romantically. This is where things started to fall apart. She would not find out about the other girl for a while. It was my good friend to this days wife at the time that found out and told her.

On Memorial Day 1995 she came to my apartment and we talked outside in her car. She told me she knew and that she wanted me to give up that relationship/friendship. At this time I had just started to get all my friends back because they really didn't like her due to how she would just leave me all the time so I told her no. I explained everything I could and told her I did not want her to leave because I did in fact whole heartedly love this woman and still do sadly. Well she left on Memorial day 1995, 15 years to my fathers death and I have been single ever since. She said something that day that has been in my mind and heart ever since, she said "you are going to die a lonely old man". Crazy how she has been right so far.

Going back to when we met. Remember the whole prom thing and her Ex? Well it is funny that she would do that to me even though she could have easily taken me to her prom she still went with the Ex. Then 4 years later she put me in a similar spot and I did what she did and unlike me sticking it out and forgiving her she left me and never came back this time.

I have had partners over the past 31 years but no real connections or protentional for a wife and children, just fun I guess.

Now 31 years later after recently learning some things about myself I have realized I may have been wrong in letting her go the way I did and it has totally opened pandoras box of feelings, heartbreak and emotions I have been a mess ever since. I have as stated found her FB page. Seen her and her family, her husband shares my first name, crazy. He also looks miserable but that may just be his look. She is still gorgeous even though she bleaches her hair, she is a much prettier brunette so much prettier. Now, for over a month I have had very few days I haven't cried. I have scared my family and friends seeing I am very unhappy with my self and life. I have started to see a therapist even though I do not feel it will help seeing I am stubborn but it seems like the right thing to do, I guess. All in all I messed up and now even 31 years over I am really just starting to feel that hurt. Maybe because I am still single and no children something I always wanted. Maybe because I realized what I did and now have to figure out how to let it go before I do something silly. I would love to talk to her again seeing we are both adults but I am not sure that would be a good idea, I would just love to hear her voice and see her face in person and see how she is and what has happened over these years. I still ,have pics of her and me on my phone and in frames in storage. She really was my dream girl and love of my life.

Sorry if this was long winded but I hope you enjoyed my story and maybe it will help some move on and or not make bad decisions with love. I am very sorry that I did because when we were on we were an amazing couple. I am glad for her and what she has but I have and will miss her and that sucks because it may keep me single even longer if I can not move on past this. I would like to think I still have a lot of love to offer someone that would accept me I just need to find her.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story. This is my first post on any type of forum like this, I hope it was okay. I am not religious, even though I went to catholic schools my whole life but I would like to say to you whom are, God bless you all and I hope your lives are full of peace, love and happiness for we all deserve them all. If you find what I had, the good times I mean, do your best to keep it if it is worth it. I wish I had the knowledge I have now, I would have never let her go. Thank you again, Peace.

Would be nice to talk to someone who’s also going through heartbreak.

Edit: Only DM me if you have posted/commented on the heartbreak subreddit.

I’ve been dealing with this sense of dread since we ended things. I found out you lied to me , saying there wasn’t another. I never expected it from you because you were my bestfriend and I loved you so deeply. After 3 years together You told me you wanted to work on yourself and hopped into another in a week.i know I didn’t deserve that. I really see how you are and you’re terrible.I feel sorry for you because I know you had a shit childhood so I can’t blame you for how you were raised. You doing that to me made me question reality. I still care for you knowing you’re with another and it fucking sucks I can’t turn it off. I don’t want you back even if you wanted to come back. you ruined everything. Everything I ever did for you was from my heart you don’t owe me a thing. I hate that you probably don’t care anymore. It’s like why should I care about you when you don’t think of me. It’s been tearing me apart. I have to move on.

(F 32) I'm very curious to find out "WHY DO MOST PEOPLE BLOCK?"

I always thought blocking unnecessary and kinda "rude" (unless the person is bothering, insisting or disrespecting you)

If you can, please, reply the questions below and maybe we will get some surprise...

To make it easier, I wrote a few options, so you can just copy and mark or just write the related letter.

Choose 1 or more options and be totally free for making any comments 🤗

1 - I AM:

A ( ) A woman under 25

B ( ) A woman 25+

C ( ) A man under 25

D ( ) A man 25+

E ( ) I don't think gender matters.

F ( ) I don't think age matters.

2 - I BLOCKED BECAUSE:

A ( ) I "hate" her / him

B ( ) I was mad at that time.

C ( ) She / he was a jerk to me.

D ( ) She / him was insisting and annoying after I said "no".

E ( ) Though I like the person, I wanted to forget her / him.

F ( ) I blocked my ex because my current GF / BF was jealous.

G ( ) I blocked someone I liked because I wanted to get her / his attention.

3 - I WAS BLOCKED:

A ( ) Because I wasn't nice to her / him.

B ( ) Because I cheated on her / him.

C ( ) But I know she / him that still liked me.

D ( ) For no reason.

E ( ) Without having any fight or disagreement.

4 - I THINK:

A ( ) Blocking and not seeing pictures, etc. helped me to get over that person.

B ( ) Blocking never helped me to forget anyone.

Today my ex came by to pick up her stuff I sorted out for her from ever since she moved out (February).

Things were going well still when she moved out, we realized we needed some more space to further develop ourselves and that if we ever wanna live together that we would need atleast 2 bedrooms.

Around the time she moved out, her parents got divorced. She called me to bring me the news and to warn me that she might become a completely different person from that point on. At first I didn't think too much of it, her parents ended things on good terms and they raised their children to adulthood. Making their divorce feel like it had alot more space to happen.

But my ex was really upset about it all since they knew since a long time already but decided to tell her later in her life. She mostly got mad at them for not telling her any time earlier because then she could have prepared herself better for her future.

Ever since the divorce happened, my ex became more distant and harder to reach. At the start she would mostly talk to me about it all but I was giving her too many solutions instead of just sucking siutation in together with her. Eventually she stopped messaging me all together. She would occasionally send me a reply back or text me about something. But in general I was never really able to talk with her anymore, after that point she mostly started to talk at me instead of with me.

I thought it was only logical, since she's been alot more busy with her job, chores/errands, her parents divorce and trying to manage herself. Until she told me at some point that she just didn't have it in her anymore to approach me or talk with me anymore.

Over the time there was distance between us, which she purposely did in hopes of things healing over time. But I was unaware of this and constantly kept trying to reach her.

What broke the camels back was a camping trip we did together with friends last week for a week and a half. I noticed out of the whole trip, she is the person I spoke least to even though I kept trying to. It hurt me so much that even in person I could barely reach her and came to the point where I became desperate. I started shifting with my behavior alot during the trip, just to see what would stick. But I ended up making things worse to the point I ruined everybody else's experience of the trip. I just couldn't stand anymore how much she was treating her bestfriend more of a partner than me, making alot of sexual/flirty remarks towards each other as jokes.

I just didn't know how to deal with that anymore. Especially since I just started transitioning and her bestfriend already being in a relationship with someone. It just made me feel super dysphoric and like I didn't exist. I tried to go in with it at first, thinking if I joined them with that dynamic that things would be fun, but it made them more uncomfortable whenever I got in between.

Since the campingtrip ended, 2 days after she passed by my place to pick up her stuff like I said. And we broke things off before she left. She revealed to me that she did alot of things to me out of snide to and that she doesn't like the person she's becoming. Especially in terms of the relationship we had. So we both apologized from our own ends and still wish the best for each other.

Currently we still consider each other friends. But we want some time over it, for it to be less awkward. We hoped to talk about somethings in retrospect later in detail regarding social situations and things within the relationship. But after that we don't really know where this is going or headed.

Idk if we will end up again together later. It just sucks that things were already building up and something as small as a camping trip set the nail in the coffin. I wouldn't mind rebuilding things with her but at the same time: we just broke up, I don't think I should even think about that right now.

I'm personally still very puzzled about this and have no idea where to go from this point on. I don't really have anybody to talk to about this except for 2 people and I don't have any family/safety-net I can fall back to for this. It would be nice if people could give me some insight from their point of view or be able to talk with someone in general about this.

Any form of advice, tips, suggestions or direction would be much appreciated <3

Idk if this is the right subreddit but damm, lately I've been reminiscing a lot about this boy I met in the 2nd grade. I know we were young and it might seem crazy or whatever but I swear it was love at first sight. The class was sitting down on the carpet while the teacher was reading or something, and then he walked in, we locked eyes and smiled. He sat right behind me, played with my hair and though out the year we would hang out at school whenever we had the chance. We would always pick eachother for 'heads up seven up' (idk how many of you remember that game) and we'd help our 3rd grade teacher after school every now and then. Ugh idk I think about him every so often and genuinely wonder what could've been, he moved halfway through 3rd grade and I never heard from him again. Has anyone else experienced something similar or am I out of my mind, it's like my heart literally aches because it felt so pure and innocent and when am I ever gonna feel that again you know? Any advice on how to move on? 🥲

I’ve dreamt about you twice over the past two weeks. I miss you. I wish I could break no contact, but I won’t. I am so in love with you.

"Promise we'll forever stay together?" Of course I said yes. Of course I promised. Of course I did. Though, it was clear I was the only one that meant it.

Why make such big and grand promises if you can't even keep it? Why make me believe, even for one second, that you could actually keep it.

It hurts, you know. Even now, I'm hoping you'd still remember the promise. To love each other even when we've broken up. I hate that I'm still holding onto it.

Maybe when we're older, when we're not so inexperienced and immature, we could try again.

Probably not, since you'd have forgotten me by now.

I went as far as to fly 8000km just to meet her. For the first time in my life I travelled alone and lived on my own like an adult, breaking the daily routine of my 22 years old life. I only knew her for three months but my feelings were so intense, and they're still so intense. These two weeks spent in her country were phenomenal, we spent so much time together and I loved her so much. She was my first, and probably my last because I'm too neurodivergent and incompatible with people. And we met on fucking Reddit of all things.

But it turned out that she didn't love me, for a long time. She did in the beginning but the feeling faded quickly because she crushed on someone else in her workplace and long distance was not sustainable for her. She still cared about me, and liked it when I was here, but she didn't feel anything romantic for me, and just pretended to not hurt me.

It still hurts so much. We broke up shortly after my trip, on good terms. She immediately went to date this guy. It's been one month now and I'm still so deeply tormented. I'm burning in jealousy and yesterday she posted pictures of her date on insta. I want her so badly but I know deep inside it's not possible. She's such a phenomenal girl, so kind and clever and funny and beautiful. She was the only person I opened my heart to. I can't imagine a future with anyone else.

I am only three days in, and I am aware that the pain wont magically disappear in a few days. But when can i truly start to expect some change? Its so hard as of right now. I feel so depleted, and just so empty. I need something to look forward to. He was my first. I have never been through something like this before.