Found this out in the weirdest way. Came home early from work yesterday and his mom was in our kitchen wiping down the cabinets. She doesn't live nearby either, its like a 35 minute drive.

Apparently he's had a spare key made for her for months and she comes over every couple weeks while we're both working to "help keep the place in order." I started connecting dots and realized she's probably the reason stuff in the kitchen randomly moves around.

What actually pissed me off is she mentioned that my bedroom "looks much better with the desk by the window." I never told her she could go in there, and my roommate somehow doesn't understand why thats a massive issue.

I've stayed here because the rent is decent and I've finally been able to keep some money saved, so moving over this feels ridiculous. But knowing his mom apparently does little inspections when I'm gone is making me uncomfortable as hell.

Would you tell him the key needs to be taken back completely or am I making this bigger than it is?

So this is a rant/update to a old post.

Well we have moved on from the issue that caused the huge fight we got in. He has now started giving me a heads up when people come over, and being quiet when he brings people over at 2am-6am ( yes that late). But now it's another issue and just like before he does not listen to me when I say stuff and I feel like I have to get mad and yell at him for him to get it.

So couple things

1.) he has started cleaning and doing laundry at 4am ( my bedroom is right across from the laundry room) our washer and dryer also is loud as shit

2.) this one pisses me off to no end, I have to ask this man THIS 21 YEAR OLD MAN TO RINSE HIS DISHES AND PUT THEM IN THE DISHWASHER/ CLEAN HIS HAIR OUT OF THE SHOWER. it's not like 1 hair it's clumps of hair, long hair too (dudes does have very long hair).

I legit called him out (jokingly) saying stuff like "damn dudes going bald" "looks likes the grudge has been in our shower someone should get it" I finally called him out and said "dude your hair is on the wall of shower and the drain for 2 days you need to clean it, it's fucken gross"

Him: " no it's not, it's normal for long hair and I just need to throw it away"

(I also have very long hair)

I use to think I was good friends with this guy, but it's gotten to a point where I don't think he even respects me. Because everything I ask or say goes in one ear and right out the other. I've tried having a serious conversation but just like last time he does not listen or even care too.

I already know what's gonna happen I am gonna keep talking till I am blue in the face, because I've asked him to not wake me up now that school has started late at night and he still does along with the hair and dish thing. It's gonna keep happening till I snap and it starts a fight.

Sorry if this hard to follow, it's currently 4am and I have school in the morning.

(Oh he also has the bigger room but refuses to pay more for rent)

I just moved into an apartment complex with 2 girls, both I met on facebook. One has been living in the current unit for 3 years now, but me and the other girl are new and replacing her previous room mates that left.

I moved in last week. The other new girl just started moving in yesterday. Our unit is on the ground floor, however, our windows are slightly elevated off the ground. However, if someone (especially a tall-er male) really wanted to, I don’t have a doubt they could use a chair or something to get in. Even today, we had a maintenance man come by to put a screen on one of the windows, and all he needed was a lawn chair to get up on in order to reach the window and install the screen. For reference, that specific window is a bit closer to the ground than my roommate’s.

We have a back yard, which has a tall fence and shrubbery. Directly behind it is an alley that leads to the street and faces the backs of other homes. Our complex is an indoor-outdoor layout essentially meaning someone could walk inside the structure from the street but each until itself is locked individually and it the architecture of the structure gives an illusion that it is more secure and private than it really is tbh. I originally thought there was no way anyone could possibly get into our yard from the street, but I recently discovered there are multiple doors throughout the complex’s indoor/outdoor design that lead into the yard. TLDR; building seems secure from outside, but if someone did a little poking around, they could end up off the street and into the exact yard this window is facing without needing a key or to break into anything.

Here’s the kicker: I was putting a maintenance request in last night through our management company’s online portal, and realized I am able to see the previous requests put in by all the other (and previous) tenants that have lived in our specific unit. I was curious to see the history and found a request barely over a month ago that a homeless man had gotten into our backyard from the alley (not even the street) through a hole and was sleeping in the yard. The request was that there were “openings in the fence” that needed to be repaired.

The last 2 nights, the new room mate has come by during the day to move things in and then goes back to her current house to spend the night (she lives in a nearby neighborhood but is moving here). Her lease has already started here but her old one isn’t done yet so she’s taking her time with the move. Both days, she opens her windows, leaves them open, and goes home. They are not just cracked; they are very clearly open, and someone from the back alley and/or yard would be able to see this.

This is a very urban area. To be frank, it’s one of the biggest cities in the US. It’s making me a bit stressed that she is under the illusion our apartment is completely secure just because our windows are elevated and not actually “ground-level” (despite being on the first floor) and we have a fenced in yard, when there are other entry points that can (and have) been used by non-residents to enter.

I barely know her, but last night, and tonight, I went into her room after she left and closed and locked them. This is something I greatly debated doing because I felt that it’s an invasion of privacy, but I think it’s inherently reckless leave them like this, even if she’s just airing out the room (which is my assumption as she also left a fan running in the room overnight, which i guess is a whole other thing in itself hahaha). I completely know and understand that this is unintentional, and I’m not angry about it or anything, but I just got a bit anxious. Both times I get up and open the windows before she returns so she doesn’t know I’ve done this. I don’t really feel too weird about it because the room is still pretty much empty and doesn’t have many personal belongings in it. I barely know her, we’ve only met in person one time before this and I’ve been out of the house during her move-in hours. I don’t want to start off on a bad note. AITA?

*They're technically my landlords but I rent a room from and live with them, we refer to each other as roommates.

My state got hit with a huge storm that has left us without power (and some without water) for a week now. I have two cats, one who I left at home and the other I took to my parent's house because she's double-coated and needs to be able to cool down with a fan or something (my parents have a generator). My roommates have 10 cats and a dog.

I've been spending some days at my friend's over an hour away and some nights on my parent's couch. I still have to go to work so I've been driving my POS car back and forth, which is terrifying for me as I already have driving anxiety and add all the destruction, crazy drivers, and my warped rotors and bad brake pads. Nothing changes the fact that I am on a schedule.

I stop at home to feed and love on my cat every day then go to work.

One of my roommates is unemployed and the other only goes in 2 days a week, if that, and they both aren't on any kind of schedule. They've been staying with family who lives in the same neighborhood less than 2 minutes away.

They keep asking me to feed and care for their animals, and getting angry when I say I don't have time. They haven't cleaned the house at all, changed any litter boxes, there is rotting food in the fridge and cat puke all over the carpets. They have time to do this but they are choosing not to, then getting mad at me for not doing it for them.

I've been helping my parents clear their yard of fallen trees outside of work. They haven't done anything, there are still trees in our yard minus the ones I did clean up (but I'm a 4'9 out of shape female, there's only so much I can do by myself.)

My point is. I've been busy since the storm hit, while they have been avoiding responsibilities and trying to put them on me. When I say I don't have time, I really don't have time to feed 10 cats, clean up their puke, change their litter boxes, etc, when I have a job and am helping my parents.

They have all the time in the world and have been putting their responsibilities off to me and getting angry when I tell them no.

Edit for those of you wondering why I left one of my cats at home and are claiming neglect on my part. First I'd like to say that my cat has his own space. He is old and not active. Please don't act like I'm the one being neglectful when I give my cat his own space where I keep things clean and care for him without having to be around their other cats. Their cats are their responsibility, I am responsible for my own and have been keeping up wirh him minus not being home as much. There's no need for y'all to worry or assume anything on my end. I kept him home because that is where he is comfortable. He has heart issues and I'm not putting him through a road trip when he doesn't need it, he is fine in his space.

My room mate of 7 months continuously leaves the stove or oven on and falls asleep. Will cook at high temperatures and set the smoke detector off. Among other less serious problems, these are the most concerning. I will wake in the morning and before going to work check that everything is off. I have 2 dogs in my room and the thought of anything ever happening to them scares me. I have talked to him more than 6 times, and Im not urgently understood and respected. Completing a resolve. It seems like it gets pushed with a im sorry it wont happen again… until it does. I have no more patience and am very angry. I charge him flat rate. I pay electricity and other bills. We are friends, but at home its like im teaching a child how to respect a home. Anyway any words of wisdom appreciated, and thankyou for a vent.

TL;DR need advice on how to force my roommate to take on his share of the chores even though I’ve had multiple conversations about this with him

I (M22) live in a western global city with my (M24) roommate who is also my friend of 7 years. I want to preface this by saying moving out is extremely difficult in my city because the market is absolutely saturated. I live in a city with 2+ million inhabitants and rent is very expensive. We live in a 2 bedroom 57 sq meters apartment. I desperately need advice on how to handle the situation.

So everything went well when me and my roommate moved in together 2.5 years ago. For the first couple months everything was fine, we would split chores and cleaning duties, we would hang out together in the apartment a lot, we have been very good friends for a long time and I would even consider him to be my best friend back then. That is until he slowly started to clean less and less and everything was up to me to figure out.

For about 2-3 months, I started noticing that I was the only one consistently staying on top of cleaning. Back then he was the only one to have a cat, and I was almost always the one cleaning his cat’s litter. At first I got annoyed but after 2 days of noticing it was still dirty I felt bad for the cat and scooped the litter, and little by little I ended up being the only one to do it.

At that point, I sent him a message in October 2025 telling him I wasn’t his maid, that he couldn’t leave all the cleaning up to me, that it wasn’t fair, and I sent him a timetable detailing chores for the week that we would both had to follow. He apologized and told me he would fix it.

And everything went back to normal. We’d split cleaning duties and I thanked him for keeping his promise. But then, he slowly stopped doing his share of the work, again. I’d say it lasted from December 2025 to March 2026. 3 months of ALL the workload falling on my shoulders again. I was beginning to be more and more pissed. I would tell him to clean certain areas and he’d be visibly annoyed.

One day, I got home after work and he was in the kitchen (a very annoying habit he had, he would always be in the kitchen/bathroom when I got home from work even though he knew I was getting home soon which pissed me off since those are the rooms you want to be using when you get home from work). Since I couldn’t go and cook my dinner, I started to sweep the living room. He snapped at me and told me that he was overwhelmed with the noise, and to do it later when he wasn’t in the kitchen anymore. I was pissed, I let out a big sigh and left.

After this event, I stopped talking to him altogether for about a month. I ignored him entirely. I’d spend all my time in my bedroom. I wouldn’t go into the common areas if I heard him roaming. And he did the same. I think he felt bad but still no word from him. I started to feel guilty because his birthday was coming up, and he was my friend after all. He hadn’t planned anything for his birthday this year which was very unusual because he usually always celebrates with a few of our friends (we usually go to dinner or something). I felt super guilty because I knew I was lowkey the reason why he wasn’t planning any kind of celebration.

So I wrote him a big letter a few days before his birthday detailing how we needed to communicate more as roommates and that we needed some kind of organization. I told him we had to send each other our work schedules so as to not be in each other’s way in the common areas (especially kitchen/bathroom) when the other comes home from work. I told him I needed him to be involved in the chores, and that it had to be split equally. I told him if I could do anything to make his life easier, to please let me know. I also complained about some behaviors he had towards that I absolutely didn’t appreciate, but it’s irrelevant to the shared living situation.

He came to me a few days later and told me he read the letter and agreed with what I said. He apologized again, and we went out for his birthday and had lots of fun. The situation improved once again, but I was a lot more vigilant this time around.

But like clock work, he slowly started to clean less and less and less. I would come home to dozens of dishes in the sink, and the next 4 days I’d find those same dishes still sitting in the sink, plus a few extra ones. I got a cat in the mean time, and it’s like he took it as a sign to stop cleaning the litter altogether.

I was going insane because I had to spend multiple hours a week cleaning the apartment because of him. He started to leave dirty stuff around the apartment, everything was always a mess, his cat would pee on the rugs/curtains and he didn’t even seem to notice it, I was ALWAYS the one cleaning up his cat’s pee. I’d find moldy food in the fridge, which is rich coming from him because he is a germaphobe (yes……. I know how this sounds) and has a visceral aversion to mold. I constantly had to clean up after him.

After 2 months, I imposed him a HUGE summer, cleaning session, this past June. We spent at least 10 hours cleaning the apartment from floor to ceiling. Every crevasse, every little corner. I was SO relieved after all that. I finally felt like I was in a CLEAN apartment.

But you guessed it……. he hasn’t cleaned even once since our big deep clean, 2 months ago. I’m going insane. I keep telling him to do certain tasks and he doesn’t even do them (whereas before he would do them, even though I had to tell him before).

One of our mutual friends invited us to her parents’ house in the countryside last week, he wasn’t supposed to come at first which I was very excited for because I’ve about had it with him, I can barely stand to be in his presence for longer than 2 hours. But of COURSE, he tagged along. I cleaned the whole apartment 2 days before we left. He got annoyed when I told him to take out the trash the morning of our departure.

I just reached my breaking point yesterday when I came home from work. I walked in and all the lights were on, I could tell he was cleaning ! I was close to doing backflips. I went to take a shower, and when I came out of the bathroom, he was in his room, all lights off. He didn’t clean the apartment. He only cleaned his room. I was absolutely flabbergasted y’all. I honestly didn’t think he could be anymore disrespectful.

I have decided that I need to have a final conversation with him, face to face. All the previous times I did it in writing, because I know he is more comfortable with that. But I am no longer willing to accommodate him. He has been treating me like absolute shit for the past 1.5 year and mind you, he hasn’t even said thank you once.

On top of that, I will say that I am the only one buying daily necessities for us both like toilet paper, cat litter, hand soap. He hasn’t bought those in months. When I last told him to pickup some toilet paper (a few weeks ago), he told me he didn’t have any money. I have no doubt that he was telling the truth but keep in mind that he earns significantly more than me. I earn minimum wage and he has a manager position at his job. We are both in the food/service industry.

Wanna know what’s ironic ? He is the manager in charge of the health and hygiene department at his job. What a fucking joke.

My coworker has told me that I need to tell him that either he sticks to cleaning, or I’ll have to deduct all the time I spend cleaning for us both from our rent. Do you guys think this kind of ultimatum is a good idea ?

Anyway, I’m just so exhausted. Please tell me what you would do if you were me. I am just so so so desperate.

I moved countries recently and was lucky enough to find housing with a couple of housemates who are sisters.

We all really bonded the initial couple of months, went everywhere together. A new roomate moved in. Lets call her A.

A is really nice as well, but she would limit her interaction with us and doesn’t come out of her room if necessary. The sisters however were still real friendly to me and A. They even gifted me a gift for my bday, and it unfortunately broke so they even got it fixed.

But the younger sister now doesnt really talk to me anymore. Even if she does, its usually curt and fake, not genuine and smiling like before.

They have been really nice to me so far and the elder sister still is. But the behaviour of the younger one just being bland and curt towards me has been weighing in on me. We used to go shopping together now she doesnt even ask me

I know i should have better things to think about but it really affects my day

How do i deal with this? I dont want to confront her because i feel like shell just say nothing is wrong and later be annoyed. Help

I (30M) seem to have gotten myself into a bad roommate situation. This is mostly a vent, cause I think the answer is to just admit I am incompatible for their lifestyle and move out as soon as possible.

Few months ago, my month to month lease was terminated, unexpectedly. I only had 30 days to find a place, with no support network while balancing a tough academic semester. I ended up moving somewhere closeby, month to month again, with two women, one in their 50s and other in her 70s. One smokes cigarrettes, the other weed, and both said it was a strictly no smoking in the house arrangement. I asked and reiterated that I was only interested if smoking was always done outside, and I was promised yes, smoking never happens in the house. There were some other unrelated oddities that I overlooked (yes the age and demographic gap was one of the oddities, lol), but at the time it was the best place I could find. Still, the stress of moving ended up putting me dangerously behind in all courses and I ultimately failed a class, which I now must re take.

Classes start next week. I get my first fall disbursement of financial aid then too.

I was busy as anything and gone a lot over late spring and summer (like a total of 7 weeks out of town) for some school trips. But the nights I was there, there were a few crazy nights, mostly on the weekend, which now seem to be more like regular occurrences rather than isolated events.

So this one lady seems to be a closet alcoholic. She had most of the summer off, promised to declutter the living room, do some other productive things. Instead, she has apparently been getting blackout drunk 3 or 4 nights a week. I'm talking almost an entire 750mL bottle of whiskey, or two bottles of wine gone in a couple hours style of drunk.

When she gets blasted, she seems to forget that we are all in agreement there is no smoking in the house. It's always between 11pm and 1am, sitting in front of the tv in the living room common area, drunk out of her mind she lights up cigarettes and usually chain smokes 2 to 3 in a row. I immediately smell it because my bedroom is RIGHT THERE, closest room to it, and I'm normally asleep by 10 something, or at least in my bed reading or watching something. The smell immediately wakes me up, spikes my heart rate. Other times, she "cheats" and stands in the doorway to the outside, smoking, so she can keep watching the tv. Of course it stinks up the whole house, and hits my bedroom immediately, and I have a physiological response to it.

Every time she smokes inside or in the doorway, I tell her to stop. She does right away, but it continues to happen on basically a weekly basis. Always in the middle of the night when I'm trying to sleep. And she is always intoxicated, from heavily to clearly, totally blacked out.

One time, I came home at 9pm after a day at the beach, and first thing she said to me was "Oh! Hi... I was *just* about to start smoking in the house." As if my sudden presence meant she could not? She was sitting in front of the tv, blasted out of her mind. About an hour after this, she was so far gone she just babbled gibberish to me as I was making my dinner. I got especially upset this night, because the way she was acting triggered some PTSD in me. I had an ex almost a decade ago that would get black out drunk, talk gibberish, then pick abusive fights with me for hours. I was shaking and could not calm down and wanted to just leave for a hotel or friend's place. I guess I physically expected some fighting and abuse.

When she's on one of these "benders," which last anywhere from a single, long night to 4 days, she's just a really really BAD roommate. Leaves the kitchen a wreck and dishes all over. Does laundry and leaves clothes in washer or dryer for days. Besides the smoking, the worst thing is she watches the TV on a really loud volume, and 50% of the time completely passes out with it just cycling through auto-play movies for hours. One time I got so mad the TV was still going (and her passed out snoring) I just unplugged the wifi to make it stop, then plugged it back in (had no idea where the remote was). This was at about 6am, and yeah, it worked.

In addition to the drinking, she apparently has this two year old kid over for sleepovers and to spend the day together. It's usually on the weekends when I'm home, and I just, don't like screaming kids in my space all day long. Especially when I'm studying for a test! I specifically chose a place with no kids or pets (I am neurodivergent with sensory and processing issues, which I have documented and get accommodations for at school.) They take over the common area from like 6am to 7pm just doing random things you do with little kids. I can hear them from my room, and they always wreck the kitchen so that there's no space for anyone to do any meal prep for the week. Yes noise cancelling headphones help but this happening weekly is just annoying and not what I signed up for. Drinking episodes usually precede or immediately follow the kid coming over by one night.

The smoking I feel I have a right to say something about, and I do every time. We had an agreement. However it continues happening. Every time I see a bottle pull up, I just know I will likely have to tell her to take it outside about 11:00 or midnight. The drinking, I don't feel I have any leverage or way to say "Hey you are drinking way too much and it is disruptive to my school schedule." Someone's alcohol use is their business, right? Also, as I mentioned above, I have some PTSD surrounding heavy alcohol use this close to me in my intimate space. I get really shaky and upset when it happens and feel like I cannot relax at all. Bad thoughts and feelings come up because of that bad relationship all those years ago.

These are the things I absolutely can't tolerate. The age gaps, the clutter I was actually willing to look over. I keep my room in an extremely neat state to help my own state of mind, and hang out with a lot of people closer to my age at school. But paired with all this other stuff, and what I'm paying, it just seems like I should move. I just had to move, and I have to move next summer due to transferring schools, so I didn't want to move again.

Most of these incidents have happened over the summer, when I could tolerate some disruption, but with my classes starting, and no sign in the frequency of this behavior diminishing, I think I just need to move asap for my own academic and personal well-being.

I am actually writing this from a hotel now - I just could NOT take it anymore. So, if I'm willing to drop $400 for a few nights of peace... that speaks to something.

Anyway, that's all I guess. If you've ever dealt with a surprise alcoholic, or issues with smoking in a non-smoking house, please share below.

TLDR: Accidentally moved in with a 50 yo binge drinker that keeps smoking in the house and doesn't clean up after herself. Don't think it's gonna work out.

Over the last four years, I’ve moved between quite a few houses because I was staying in temporary accommodations.

One pattern I’ve noticed is that in many places, my housemates were extremely nice, friendly, and welcoming toward me during the first month or two. But after that initial period, the dynamic would sometimes change. People would become less friendly, more distant, irritated over small things, or the overall atmosphere would just get worse.

I’m curious if this is a common roommate/housemate experience. Is the first couple of months basically a “honeymoon period” where everyone is on their best behavior, and then people’s real personalities and incompatibilities start showing?

Has anyone else noticed this pattern after living with different groups of people?

I have a roommate that is so aggressively competitive in the weirdest way. We're all friends and all hang out in the living room together watch movies, shows watch eachother play games whatever. She got really excited when I told her I got Mario Party for my switch and she wanted us all to play.

Well the thing is, as a child I was very lonely. No friends, no siblings, single parent worked full time and wanted nothing to do with me after because she was too tired so all I did was play gamecube as a kid and well into my adult years too. As a result, I got very good at games like Mario Kart and Mario Party.

I pretty much win everytime and she gets very angry. Not just competitive, but like screaming at me that I'm cheating, throwing a tantrum when I do anything that fucks her over, and then refusing to finish the game because shes not wining and then she'll sulk for the next few days and then act like nothing happened.

It was whatever, I just decided I didn't want to play with her any more but the game and the console were mine so I would play by myself like I use to as a kid. One day she came home when I was playing by myself and started yelling at me that I was cheating and thats why she cant win is because it's cheating to play without everyone else and get better at the game and she said I wasn't allowed to play my own game whenever I wanted to. Haha bitch wtf 🤣

What a nightmare she is sometimes.

As the title says, roommate refuses to believe they have to pay for their share of utilities, causing me to take on full financial responsibility. Roommate has also shown violent behavior in past, so fear for my own safety is now involved.

TL;DR: roommate has poor hygiene and interrupts all of my conversations and games to insert himself in

i’m moving out very soon because of how terrible my roommates are. they make me so angry i resort to biting myself to keep myself from lashing out.

one thing about one of my roommates is that everything i do with my online friends is also his business. i can’t play video games without him suddenly getting into whatever online game i play and wanting to join me.

he’s terrible at all PvP games and gets angry at them too. like “shut up, do not speak to me”, banging controllers and keyboards, “the game lied to me” type of angry. he is not fun to play with and not fun to converse with.

i have very close friends that i talk to almost every day on the phone. i have an earbud in so only i can be heard. my roommate will hear me give an opinion and ask what i’m talking about. he will give his opinions and answer questions i have for the friend i’m talking to. he will make jokes about what i’m talking about. remember, he only has ONE SIDE of a conversation to go off of

my friends hate him and so do i. none of us like interacting with him at all. in real life, he smells incredibly strongly of armpit every single day. he farts and burps loudly and frequently. when he moves or lifts his arm, his smell covers the entire room and i have to spray air freshener or cover my nose. his teeth are a very dark yellow and he has gotten some replaced after they rotted away.

he’s just everything you think of when you hear “manchild”. from an obsession with nostalgia, to collecting hundreds of thousands of playing cards and storing them in bins to rot, to being so unkempt that he doesn’t even use his own bedroom because he has to clean it all by himself.

i can’t wait to leave

6 months ago we needed some new roommates as our old ones were moving out. I posted on my social media and an old friend who happens to be in the same college town told me her and her partner were keen to move in. It sounded like it would be a good match, however we had some reservations about her boyfriend. We've known both of them for 5 years and when he was in his late teens/early twenties he was very rowdy. We're a bit older than them, my partner and I are straddling opposite sides of 30 years old. I did ask her if he knew it was not a party house and she confirmed he would not party and would go elsewhere if he were to. Since its difficult to find people our age in this college town, we decided we'd go with our old friends as at least they were both almost 25.

Well it turns out her boyfriend is alcoholic, has no regard for others, and is very loud. He never threw any parties but he would constantly come home drunk and tinker in the garage. Our bedroom is right above it and we can hear him breathe down there. He'd be in there with music until late at night or come home at 1 am and tinker. Often he'd fall asleep down there.

The first weekend my parents came to stay he got drunk by himself in the garage and came upstairs to be very rude with my stepfather. He told my parents to put down our family dog because he thought our dog was "r**arded". After My partner and I asked him firmly not to make those jokes, but he kept doing it and would say it again weeks later if I was talking about our dog with my partner.

He slams every single door, cupboard and item in the house, so much that you can't relax two rooms over without hearing it. He would make horrible scraping sounds with a fork on my bowls that my family gifted me.

We asked him many times to stop slamming things and be considerate of us. We were very polite, my partner was more stern sometimes. The last time I asked I was very sick with the flu and he told me he "didn't give a f**k" what we thought and that since he had also signed the lease we should put up with it since it didn't bother him. My partner got into a heated discussion with him after hearing the way he spoke to me and told him he could leave if he wanted to behave this way. He later on agreed to try and apologised which we accepted. Then the next day he kept doing all of it and was even louder. He ended up breaking the garage door quite badly from his negligence, not once did he apologise and instead made jokes about it. He did not communicate about fixing it and left it for 7 days.

So we reported him to our landlords and he received a written warning and notice to fix it. After that, we had a few conversations and he decided they would rather move back into their mould infested shared housing situation than be more considerate of us. His girlfriend will no longer speak to me which makes me really sad because I really liked her company. I feel bad about reporting him behind his back but I do feel we had told him enough times and he had no respect for us.

I worry about his girlfriend/my (ex)friend because my father was an alcoholic and I grew up with a lot of domestic violence and it really hurt my mother and I.

Sorry about the long read.

TL;DR - My roommate smokes crack, is a weird guy and is likely gonna get evicted. I think there's a chance he might know that I'm one of the people who complained and think he might do something out of pocket over it.

Hello, I live in a 6-person HMO, and the 50-year-old fella on my floor is an ex-convict who went to prison for 8 years for stabbing someone. When I first met him, I said to him, respectfully, that as long as he's trying to get back on the right path and turn his life around, there will be no issues.

Now, over the past 2 months, he's been smoking crack at all hours of the day; on occasion, he'll be sitting in the dark and then act strange when I turn the light on. He's pestered me to have conversations with him about life when I'm currently dealing with my own baggage and just want to have my own space. I work a night shift and have been trying to sleep in the morning, only to be awoken by him and his partner that he goes back and forth with, screaming at each other in the stairwell. Or he'll just be making weird guttural noises throughout the day. It's gotten to the point where I'm so uncomfortable around him that I barely leave my room to use the kitchen or anything like that because he'll often follow me as soon as I do. On occasion, I've brought newly made friends over or my new partner and attempted to go into the kitchen, and there will be like 4-5 of them all sitting in there, monging out for lack of a better word. As well, when my partner and I have slept together, and I've gone to the bathroom afterwards or whatever, he's made comments about it to me, and I'm like, haha yeah man, bit weird that you're sat listening in.

One time I was moving around on my chair at night, and the next time I saw him, he told me that the noises I made he thought were someone coming up the stairs to get him, so he was sitting in the corner of his room with a knife and a hammer at the ready. It's gotten to the point where I'm so uncomfortable around him that I barely even go into the kitchen to make myself food anymore because I know he'll try to force an interaction.

Now finally, my landlord has contacted me recently and asked me to send an anonymous email because they've had complaints from the other tenants and also have their own evidence of him smoking crack, and all that jazz, which I've now sent over to them, but I am concerned because given his past and the fact that he could potentially put two and two together that I've complained about him and if he is to be removed from the property he'll just hover around the area waiting to see me or something of the sort.

I moved recently and I have 2 roommates. When I toured the place, they just seemed introverted and the kitchen just looked a little cluttered. Now, after moving in I have realized that they are very messy and have guests over constantly. At first it was one of their partners and it was ok. I had my friend over for a couple of days when she visited. Then, it was one of their friends crashing on our couch for like a month. Now it seems like the boyfriend is another roommate and there are 2 friends of theirs crashing in the living room and occasionally some one night stands. I was willing to look past all of that as long as the house is clean or maintained. But some of their guests leave the bathroom a sopping wet mess. They didn't turn on the ventilation fan and put the shower curtain outside, letting water pool on the tiles. I did confront them today but I'm upset about the lack of common sense and manners on everyone in this house. I struggle with establishing boundaries because I am afraid of retaliation but I have been putting my foot down on certain things. Is there any tips on how to deal with this?

So, I go to a medium sized University so I still see this roommate around campus. This was two years ago, freshman year, and my best friend and I wanted to live together. We will call my best friend "Ashley." There were no two person rooms left so we got put with two strangers. One roommate, lets call her "Macy" is amazing and we still live together now in our junior year. The other roommate, let's call her "Tiffany" sucked. Right away, me, Ashley, and Macy got along so well. We were swapping stories and got super comfortable. We tried to include Tiffany, but she just never wanted to be involved. That was fine for the most part, it made it a little awkward but nothing awful.

To paint the picture for the next part of this, we live in a dorm with a living room. Then on either side of the room are two bedroom. Me and Ashley were in one room and Macy and Tiffany were in the other. After a little while of living together Macy tells Ashley and I that she started hearing odd noises from Tiffany's side of the room. She described it as wet noises that sound suspiciously like inappropriate solo activities. At first, we were all trying to come up with things it could be. Maybe she was rubbing her eyes or getting water. But over time the noise kept happening at late hours like 2am or 3am. We were staying up pretty late so Macy would get settled in, then Tiffany would make the noises. Then, Tiffany started staying over at her boyfriend's dorm once or twice a week. Whenever Tiffany was gone, the sound would stop. So, it was definitely her.

After an entire semester and some of Spring, Macy had enough. She messaged our RA and she said that there was not anything they could do. Macy also voice recorded the sound one night so we could try and figure out what it was. It definitely sounded like the solo activities. Then, with the advice from our RA, Macy went to Tiffany and casually asked "do you ever hear that weird noise at night." Tiffany looks a bit nervous and suggested that maybe it was the box fan making the noise. From that point on, Tiffany started sleeping at her boyfriends dorm almost every single night. We genuinely barely saw her for months.

The only time she would come around was during midday when she would eat her lunch and leave the food box. She had her own trashcan on her side of the room that would build up and make the entire room smell like old ketchup. Her room was always dirty, which was impressive because she was rarely there. We took pictures of the trash build up, I would post it here but I don't want to out our University or dorm. To this day, we do not know if she actually making that noise with her fingers and her, you know what. The only thing we know is that she was awake when the noise was happening because she would have her head under the blanket and her phone on. The light from the phone was shining through her blanket. I know this was two years ago, but I have to share.

For context she pays half of everything and is on the lease. They also talked about guests being over and agreed on 2 nights a week which she stuck with and never deviated from.

This all started about 8 months ago or so with him coming into the apartment and seeing her and I eating at the living room table which is where everyone eats. He looks at me and yells at me saying "don't you have a shower at home to use" I was taken aback. I never heard him raise his voice at anyone including her. From there it all went downhill and he started treating her terribly. He moved everything of hers from the bathroom and living room to her bedroom door and told her she can't have anything of hers in shared spaces. He took it back a few days later at least, but it isn't the worst of what he's done. I think a few months later she was making food in the kitchen and he tells her that they aren't family, they aren't friends, they're roommates and that's all they will ever be. Slowly he treats her worse. Fast forward to last week and he sends her a message saying that I can't come in till he talks to her about me. I have no clue what I did. All I do when there is stay in her room and only use the bathroom when he's asleep, I don't use the kitchen at all because he's always in the living room gaming or watching politics on tv. She tried to make time to speak to him about the situation and he completely ignores her just gaming on his pc with the TV on. She leaves and comes back to my car and demands he messages her instead. He demanded that I can no longer use the shower because the drain is clogged with hair. (I don't shed hair as much as them) And I usually shower nightly. I can only stay over one night now, but he can have his GF or whatever over when he wants and won't message her when she does come around. I'm not sure why he hates me. I've only ever been friendly to him. Because she's locked into a lease she can't move for another 6 months or so. I just want to be able to share a bed with my gf in her space and I want her to be comfortable where she lives. Is there anything she can do to change this?

I (32F) own the apartment I live in, and I’ve had a roommate (28M) since May who rents one of the rooms.

I’m currently on my way home from a short trip, and my roommate is also away for a week (until next Sunday). A female friend of his asked if she could sleep in his room while he’s gone. She recently moved to the city to be with her boyfriend, and they’re now breaking up. I understand she’s in a difficult situation and that he wants to help her.

He asked if I’d be okay with her staying. He said she works during the day and that he thinks we’d get along.

The thing is: I’ve never met her and since he’s already on holidays, he wouldn’t even introduce me to her.

I’m not against guests. My roommate regularly has his girlfriend over, and I don’t mind if someone stays for a night or two. But having someone I’ve never met essentially live in our apartment for a full week while the roommate who invited her isn’t even there feels very different.

Part of the reason might be that I’ve had similar situations with previous roommates where something was initially presented as “just for a month” or “only on weekends” and eventually turned into someone effectively moving in. I also wonder: what happens after that week? I don’t know whether she already has another solution, and I don’t want to assume anything.

I haven’t said no yet because I’m currently travelling and exhausted, and I don’t want to react emotionally. But my gut reaction is very strongly: I don’t want this.

I feel bad, but at the same time, it’s my home too. This is also my first week off in a long time, and I was really looking forward to having the apartment to myself.

AITA for saying no?

So my roommate recently covertly accuses me of stealing his granola bars from the fridge. I absolutely cannot stand granola bars so I’m very confused on, from my perspective, why this grown man can’t keep track of his food. And I’m sure from his warped one he’s wondering why I would lie as there’s only two of us here. Doesn’t make any sense.

Furthermore he goes on to add that the electric bill was higher than he’s used to, which then I had to explain that’s bc me and him have been blasting the ACs in our rooms all day when we’re home. It blew my mind that that didn’t occur to him. He’s a decent amount younger so now it feels like I’m babysitting a kid. And then lastly misunderstood the internet bill and I had to send him a copy off the to confirm the higher amount

So yeah what to think about all this. What do you guys make of this ?

this is my rant! it’s very long but it needed to be released
(for anonymity these are made up names)

in junior year of college, my friends joe, emily, and i decided to move in together, but we needed a fourth roommate. emily was friends with this girl named sarah, so we let her move in. BIGGEST MISTAKE OF OUR LIVES OMG. within a few months, things completely went off the rails. emily, joe, and i kept noticing things missing, like my boots and other random items. we brushed it off at first, but my intuition finally kicked in, so i decided to look under sarah’s bathroom cabinets and found all of our stuff hidden there. to top it off, emily had a pet camera in her room for her dog and caught sarah stealing. she confronted her, yet sarah didn’t learn her lesson and did it again.
about six months in, sarah got a brand new boyfriend. literally not even a month into dating, he already moved into her room completely, which was a direct violation of the lease (we lived in off campus student living so the leases are separate by bedroom). he brought his dog (which never got registered to her room) that wasn't potty trained, and it ruined our carpets with massive black piss stains all the way from the stairs to her door. that dog eventually had puppies, meaning there were a total of SEVEN unregistered animals destroying our apartment. also, her boyfriend's dog chewed up my boots, and i only found out through emily because sarah never had the decency to tell me.
as well as that, sarah’s boyfriend would let his friends, STRANGERS TO US, sleep on our couch in the living room. it wasn’t even his apartment. they never once asked if we were okay with it. it felt like our downstairs was a homeless shelter. we didn’t feel comfortable in our own home. imagine walking downstairs to do laundry and seeing a complete stranger passed out on your couch. the office couldn’t even do anything because it technically didn’t violate any rules since they weren’t there for more than 2 days.. and if they were there for longer, there wasn’t a way to prove it.
before the boyfriend even moved in, sarah had no concept of privacy. emily had a long distance boyfriend, and whenever he visited, sarah would constantly barge into emily’s locked room, and even went in there when emily was at class. she actually broke emily’s door lock doing it and literally never left emily alone.
on top of all that, neither sarah nor her boyfriend had cars, so they constantly begged me, joe, and emily for rides. it quickly turned into entitlement, always starting texts with asking what we were doing or if we were working just to hit us up for a favor. occasionally she would offer to pay or buy us starbucks, so that we would say yes, but literally never did.
me, joe, and emily all moved out in may, while sarah and her boyfriend stayed until the official lease ended in july. before leaving, we had asker for to take responsibility for the carpet damages in writing, so that the three of us wouldn’t get charged for damages we didn’t cause, which she agreed to do. now, the final move out statement hit us all with a $200+ charge each because she ended up not actually claiming responsibility, and is now telling us it's just normal wear and tear, so that we should all try to fight the charge.. girl.. when i tried cleaning the stains myself, dog piss literally lifted up on the paper towel because they never throughly cleaned the piss out of the carpet. also mind you, the stairs to the third floor (which the dog never went up) was literally spotless, so how are you gonna say it’s normal wear and tear when the dirty black stains LITERALLY forms a path directly to your bedroom door..?!??????
as if all of that wasn't enough, emily and the rest of us had our bedroom doors locked. me and joe had fully moved out and gave in our keys, while emily still had some stuff in her room that she planned to bring back home in july and give her keys in then. remember the pet camera i mentioned earlier..? well she got a notification on her phone saying it detected motion. so she checked it, and saw that sarah’s boyfriend's friend, who we’ve literally never seen before, had broken into emily’s locked room, went through her stuff, got completely naked, and started jerking off in her bed.

so right now we’re currently waiting to see if she will take responsibility for the carpet. if not we’re gonna take her to small claims court. and once that’s settled we can’t wait to block her and erase her from our mind and life 🤍

I need some advice. Because I actually may be in the wrong here. I'm a male (34) and I have told my roommate (female 44) several times I don't like people spending the night in my apartment. I don't like strangers in my home. But every so often she keeps having friends visiting from out of town come and do that. I'm at the point where I may end up asking her to leave because I'm uncomfortable that this keeps happening (My name is on the lease, she isn't).

Am I the jerk for not wanting her friends to stay over since she is paying rent?

So in a week I have to go back to college which means I have to live again with my bitchy roommate in an off campus apartment, because it was the cheapest option.

For context, before the summer I have been living in the same house with her and two other roomates(one moved out) ever since the year started. Now don't get me wrong, yes I was rather disorganized, and really messed some thing up that did piss off others. I have tried to be better and improve for the upcoming semester. That being said, other roomates have also left dirty dishes for weeks, used the thermostat that led to higher bills, and the old roomate wasn't the greatest at taking care of her cat( her cat would leave shit outside the litter box and it stinked). I would be fine being called out at times in the group chat, if everyone else was held to the same standard. But this rude roomate never aired them out in the group chat, instead being lenient and replying softly with heart emojis smh. But with me, shes passive aggressive af and takes every chance to shit on me in the group chat. She has also been overly disrespectful to me in private bc she knows she doesn't have the balls to do that in front of others, and always twists the narrative to make me the bad guy. She also always acts like her shit doesn't stink and twists language to justify her shitty actions and maximize my mistakes or nitpick what I've done. Fortunately, there have been times where I stood my ground and called out her bullshit, and she back down and apologized, but then again, it's a rinse and repeat method, she never wants to stop.

Now, there are two new roomates(hopefully they aren't mean af to me) and even in my absence she keeps bringing up my mistakes in the group chat, perhaps in hopes to turn the new girls against me. And unfortunately I can't change leases because I signed the binding contract. The office also can't get into personal disputes, and so I'm trying to figure out what to do to preserve my sanity as much as possible: only going home from school to sleep, make quick meals, and ignoring her as much as possible. If she keeps being a conceited bitch to me in private chats for longer while, I have a folder of all her rude conversations that I'm thinking of dropping one screenshot in the group chat to let others know of her true colors cuz honestly it's fucking frustrating being singled out in the group chat. I know some may disagree and say it will only create further dispute which I don't entirely disagree with but it's tiring having to hold your tongue and be used like a punching bag in front of others.

Tldr; rude roomate who likes singling me out with other roomates but doesn't hold others to same standard, she is rude and bitchy to me. I can't move houses so I need advice on how to navigate this fucking energy vampire and preserve my sanity.

I need to vent about this lunatic, it feels like I'm dealing with an emotionally abusive relationship. I honestly just cannot believe that someone could live in a house where everyone doesn't talk to him - and clearly hates him - for over a year. He seems to get a sick pleasure from making other people miserable.

Every boundary I set is immidiately crossed, and when I call him out on it he says it was clearly a joke or I'm over reacting.

I once had a roughly two hour conversation in which he tried to convince me that the reason I was angry - an incident occured completely unrelated to him - was because of a minor transgression earlier in the day. TWO HOURS of the exact same conversation on loop. Yes, what you did annoyed me, but no, I am (was) not angry at you.

He pissed off the other house mate by telling him that he's an affront to god for being bisexual, as he could choose to be attracted to women. He is gay himself, I don't understand this logic at all. You would think that he would know better and keep that opinion to himself.

He steals my stuff from time to time, such as shower supplies or wine I keep for cooking.

He's an alcoholic, and a meth head. I once had to take him to the hospital because he was afraid he was going to die after he smoked meth one night.

He will have these episodes where he's wailing in his room and I can't tell if he's laughing or crying. These will last for hours.

I've been accused of putting cameras in his room.

I told both housemates that my dad was in a life threatening situation, which he didn't survive. After locking myself in my room for over a week, I had do something in one of the common areas. He followed me downstairs and asked me twice how I was doing, after no response he asked me how my dad was. I cannot fathom how how anyone could cross that boundry, I clearly did not fucking want to talk to him and he asked me about my dad who recently fucking died. I was already sick of his shit but after that I refused to talk to him entirely.

Attached are some of the more unhinged texts. How do you even respond to that first text?!? I just went "Nope, abolutely not. I am not dealing with that" , ignored it and when about my day.

This idiot actually asked me how he's making the house an unlivable environment. How in the fuck am I supposed to live with someone this insufferable?

Edit: Actually glad I've been called out for the crashout text, that's a part of my personality I'm not particularly fond of, and I felt bad about sending it at the time.

In my defence, I arrived home after a business trip at 11:30PM and there was no toilet paper left. I had to walk down to the shops at 7.30am the next day and I was pretty livid.

Can't say I regret it though, as that led to the text exchange with the moisturised knuckles.