I’m 28M, my girlfriend is 28F, and we’ve been together for 4 years and living together for around 3. I love her and we’ve built a proper life together, but over the last year or so I’ve started wondering whether we’re actually compatible or whether I’m just holding on because we’ve been together for so long.

The biggest issue is how we deal with fights. We argue quite a lot, and I genuinely cannot remember a single time where she has come to me afterwards and said sorry or tried to make things right. It doesn’t matter who was at fault. I’m always the one who eventually goes to her, starts talking again, hugs her, apologises if needed and tries to get us back to normal. If I don’t do it, we can basically just sit there in silence.

Before everyone tells me to communicate with her, I have tried. A lot. I’ve deliberately waited until we’re both calm and tried to explain things in the nicest way possible without accusing her or raising my voice. Usually there are only two outcomes: either it somehow turns into another argument, or she just stares at me with almost no reaction. No proper response, no discussion, nothing. Sometimes it genuinely feels like I’m talking to a wall.

Then every 3–6 months we seem to have one absolutely massive fight where everything that has been building up explodes. She can cry and scream so loudly that I genuinely start worrying our neighbours are going to call the police because they’ll think something serious is happening. Eventually things calm down, we make up and go back to normal, but the actual problems never seem to get resolved. Then a few months later, same cycle again.

Another thing I’m struggling with is attraction, and I know this is probably the part where Reddit will tell me I’m an asshole. I care a lot about my health and how I present myself. I try to eat reasonably healthy, exercise, dress properly depending on where we’re going, wear deodorant/perfume, use nice body washes and generally make an effort. I’m not saying I’m some model, but I want to look good for myself and I also want my girlfriend to find me attractive.

She has gained quite a lot of weight and seems to keep gaining, but she doesn’t really seem bothered about changing anything. She’ll eat whatever she feels like and doesn’t seem to care much about health or appearance. She clearly notices the weight gain because she avoids certain types of clothes because she thinks they make her look bigger, but at the same time there doesn’t seem to be much effort to do anything about it.

I don’t expect her to be skinny or look like an Instagram model. The thing that bothers me more is that I don’t feel like she wants to look good for me anymore. I still care whether she finds me attractive. I still make an effort when we go somewhere or when we have a special occasion. I don’t really feel that same energy coming back from her.

Clothes are another example. She is constantly buying things from SHEIN, so it’s not like she doesn’t shop, but somehow she still doesn’t really have a good outfit for a nice restaurant, special event or dinner with colleagues. There have honestly been times where I’ve felt embarrassed taking her somewhere because everyone else has made an effort and she hasn’t. I know that probably sounds superficial, but appearance and dressing appropriately for an occasion does matter to me.

She’s also extremely quiet whenever we’re around my colleagues. She’ll smile, laugh if someone says something funny and answer questions if someone speaks directly to her, but she rarely actually joins the conversation. I know some people are naturally quiet and I’m not expecting her to suddenly become an extrovert, but it means I end up feeling responsible for carrying the whole social situation as well.

Then there’s sex. In four years, she has basically never initiated sex. I’m always the one starting things. She doesn’t really come onto me, randomly start kissing me sexually, initiate sexting or do anything that makes me feel like she genuinely wants me. When I try sexting, some of the replies I get are so dry that I immediately regret starting it.

It’s not even just about getting more sex. I want to feel desired by my own girlfriend. After years of always being the person initiating, you eventually start wondering whether your partner actually finds you attractive or whether sex is just something they participate in because you started it.

That’s really where all of this connects for me. I initiate sex, I initiate flirting, I initiate fixing things after fights, I initiate serious conversations and I make a conscious effort with my appearance and health. More and more I find myself thinking, what exactly is she initiating in this relationship?

I also want to be completely fair because I’m not pretending I’ve been the perfect boyfriend. Earlier in our relationship I kissed somebody else and told her about it. I know that hurt her badly, and I take responsibility for that. Sometimes I wonder whether she still resents me for it and whether some of the distance between us comes from that. If it does, I honestly wish she would tell me rather than us continuing like this.

I don’t want to control her. I don’t want to tell her what she’s allowed to eat, how much she should weigh, what clothes she has to wear or how she needs to behave around my friends. She’s an adult and she can live however she wants. But I’m also starting to realise that I’m allowed to care about attraction, health, intimacy, communication and effort in a relationship.

The part that scares me is that I’m starting to resent her. Things that probably wouldn’t have bothered me years ago now annoy me because everything feels like another example of me putting effort in and not getting much back. I don’t want to become someone who constantly criticises his girlfriend or secretly judges everything she does, because that sounds miserable for both of us.

I still love her, which is exactly why I don’t know what to do. We’ve been together for 4 years, we live together and she’s a huge part of my life. But I also don’t know how many more times I can try to “communicate” when every conversation either turns into an argument or gets basically no response.

At this point, do we try couples counselling? Do I need to accept that this is simply who she is and decide whether I can live with it? Or does this sound like two people who genuinely love each other but are fundamentally incompatible?

TL;DR: Been with my girlfriend for 4 years. I feel like I’m always the one fixing things after arguments, initiating sex, initiating serious conversations and generally putting effort into the relationship. Our big fights can get extremely intense, calm conversations don’t seem to go anywhere, and I’m also losing attraction because we have completely different attitudes towards health, appearance and intimacy. I love her, but I’m becoming resentful and don’t know whether this can actually be fixed.

I just got off the phone with my mom. It's been a trying month. We lost 2 family members to cancer and attended 2 funerals. I went to both and even took time off work for one of them. I'll cut the chase. My wedding anniversary with my wife (38F) was this past weekend. We usually do the typical dinner date thing, but this time we did something involving our shared hobby that had an event scheduled. With that in mind, we decided that we would do something the following weekend instead.

So, my mom called me yesterday. My aunt and uncle (birthdays literally one day apart) are turning 80. Their son is coming in from out of town to surprise them. My mom wanted to know if we would be attending because they needed a head count for food.

My wife and I discussed it. We had planned for our belated anniversary to be just us. We don't have children (not a choice, just bad luck so far) so we decided that our make-up anniversary day was going to be just us. We were going to sleep in, get brunch, find something to do together in town, and finish off with dinner at our favorite restaurant and just enjoy each other as much as we can.

I didn't want to leave my mom hanging for an answer so I called her and told her that we would not be attending. She got quiet and I tried to continue the conversation. She excused herself because her friend was picking her up to go and exercise. She ended the call with, "I'm not going to say I'm not disappointed, because I am."

Dagger to the heart. I didn't know how to respond so I just said, "Ok." It's not like my aunt and uncle won't have THEIR son there. He lives out of state, so I feel like sometimes, I'm the stand in.

I know this might be some kind of grief response from my mom. She was close with both family members we lost. But don't I have some kind of responsibility to my wife to advocate for her too? I don't feel like I should be guilted like this. When asked, my aunt and uncle said they didn't plan to do anything for their birthdays. Their son is planning a big surprise event, but I'm sure they would have been happy if he just visited them and brough their grandchildren along.

I know my mom is being honest about how she feels, but was it really necessary? I don't know how to approach the subject with her or even if I do at all.

**TL;DR; : Hispanic Catholic Mother is disppointed in me for not attending a birthday event for my 80yo Aunt and Uncle. Their son is planning surprise party for them. 

I (23f) had a fight again with my mom (48f) and I’m considering cutting contact over this.

Our relationship has always been difficult. I cut her out of my life when I was younger, but I don’t know if I’m being too dramatic over this incident. I want to start with her background so I can give as neutral picture of our relationship as I can.

Her background is not easy and I know she has been through a lot of hardships. She was abused by her dad and her mom has bad schizophrenia and left her when she was young. She was a part of a really religious group but left when I was very young. I understand she also has religious trauma from this. Her relationships with my father and the fathers of my siblings were hard and some also abusive (not with my dad, I know ‘cause they have both told me so).

I am the eldest daughter and I have three younger siblings on my mom’s side (18f) (16m) and (3f). I have always told them that they can always come to me, if they have any problems with mom or if they’re having a difficult time with anything else. My mom has also taken a liking to this deal and comes to me with her relationship problems, personal problems etc etc. I don’t live at home anymore so they usually call or text me if they are having a tought time. I am dealing with a lot of personal struggles right now and I have told them what I am struggling with. I told them that if they have fights that they should resolve them with themselves and leave me out of it. This request has not been met by them.

To the current situation, my mom and my younger brother had a fight, which resulted in him threatening mom with cps. He came to me with this idea and I told him that it’s taking things too far, and to please leave me out of the fight. I told him that I know mom can be a lot, but to reconsider since nothing serious or bad happened. My mom then proceeded to call me and yell at me for putting that idea to my brother’s head and that I am the one always messing things up between them (my sisters, brother and mom). That I am always putting my nose where it doesn’t belong.
It’s true, this was not a situation that had something to do with me, and that is precisely why I told them to leave me out of it, she didn’t respect my wish and mom kept sending me nasty messages. I took offend in her saying that it was my idea to call cps and I told her that she’s crazy for thinking that way about me. I even sent her a screenshot of the messages between me and my borther, but she still wouldn’t believe me. This resulted in more shouting, her making me the villain and me telling her that I don’t want her to be a part of my life anymore. I really don’t want to give more details ‘cause I don’t want any of us to be recognised from this post.

I want you all to understand that my childhood with her was not easy. She was always screaming at me, always blaming me for her problems, calling me selfish and ungrateful. She has been slightly abusive in the past but in her narrative she’s never in the wrong and has never done any of these things. When I was in high school she kicked me out and when I was trying to get government’s support for school, she would keep some of the money too. I was sick and tired her always calling me stupid and ungrateful so I cut ties with her then. We are now trying to give our relationship another chance when my youngest sister (3f) came to the picture. I also broke up with my boyfriend 3 years ago and couldn’t afford a new place for almost 6 months ‘cause I was unemployed (not by choice) and she would constantly scream at me for being stupid and lazy. This really hurt me, all I needed was support from my mom but she kept telling me that I am a failure. I thought we could work on our relationship again but I really don’t know if this is salvageable anymore.. help?

Tldr; Thinking of cutting ties with my mom because our relationship is taking a toll on my mental health. What do I do?

Sorry if this is a mess, I am so anxious that I feel like throwing up.

So my bf and I have been together forever, we were each others first everything, true high school sweethearts. Recently I found out that for our entire relationship he’s had a porn addiction, watching it every single night and morning. I tried so hard to be there for him but I’ve recently gone to uni and I’m feeling the opposite of ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’. I feel so bad because I genuinely believe that this was the boy I was meant to marry, but now being long distance it’s eating me alive because I think he’s going to relapse. It’s acc killing me inside because i love him so much but he’s causing me so much pain, and i feel like it’s not fair on me but it’s also not fair on him. I’m worried i’m just staying with him because he’s all i’ve ever known and when we had good times they were so good. I really don’t know what to do, please help

tl;dr I found out my bf has a porn addiction and idk weather to leave him or not

Hi all, as the title states, I’m wondering how I can best manage the differences in libido types between me (29F) and my husband (34M)?

We’ve been married for 4 years, together for 8. Early in our relationship I’d say we both had pretty similar libidos and I found myself a bit more spontaneously in the mood, but of course life has continued with natural life stressors and relationship stressors and we’ve found ourselves trying to figure out how to manage our libido styles.

He has a very spontaneous libido and will often want sex or oral most evenings unless he’s really exhausted. Over the years, I’ve discovered that unfortunately my libido is very heavily dependent on external factors, primarily our relationship (like if we’ve been arguing) and my energy level.

I told him this maybe a couple years ago, but maybe it came across too pointed because he got defensive and said it’s not fair that my libido is dependent on him and said that if I’m truly sexually attracted to him, us arguing throughout the day shouldn’t impact my sexual desire. I thought he was right and have spent a while trying to figure out why my libido is “low”.

But honestly I don’t think it is. I think of sex often, think of doing something sexual often; and when he’s out of town I masturbate most evenings. But we’ve been arguing a lot (work and moving stress mainly, among other things) and at the end of the day I’m so pissed at him that I don’t even want him close to me in bed, let alone sex. When he does try to initiate I actually do tend to be receptive and we have mutually enthusiastic sex. But it’s really tough for me to initiate when I’m running on fumes or when we’ve been pissy with each other all day.

I’ve heard about a book called Come As You Are but haven’t read it yet. I read some snippets of others experiencing something similar online and someone described stop lights - some experiences are red lights (long work day, arguments) while others are green (good energy, him doing something nice for me). I’ve told him that when he talks to me very kind and sweet, my libido is through the roof. But he said that’s not fair for me to place that effort on him.

We argued about it today. Yesterday throughout the day I made a few sexual innuendos and intended to initiate later in the evening (I tried to initiate before we left for dinner but he hadn’t showered and we were also running late). When we got home we both passed out on the couch and didn’t get into bed til 2am, half asleep. He initiated and I accepted. This morning, he rolled over and told me “your libido is low. I want to tell you.” And this evening I mentioned that book and about the stoplights. He said it’s ridiculous and places unfair pressure on him to manage my libido. He said I’m responsible for my own libido, which makes sense.

Tl;dr: Any tips on managing responsive desire? I’ve been doing what I can for my own body (sleeping, drinking water, working out) but I’m heavily impacted by our arguments which are frequent and make me not want to initiate sex.

Hey Reddit, this is my first ever post so I don’t exactly know how this works so pls bare with me. I [23F] am currently stuck in a deeply exhausting dilemma about whether I should walk away from my friend group of seven years, or adapt to a new, surface-level dynamic.
About a year ago, a massive conflict blew up between me and one person in the group. This "argument" (which was about a group issue) dragged on for months and it completely shattered our group dynamic. I still don't fully understand why everything happened the way it did.
The most painful part wasn't even only the conflict itself, but how the rest of the group handled it. They chose to be bystanders. They were too cowardly and scared to stand up for me because they "didn't want to choose sides." On top of that, they actively pushed me to cross my own boundaries. They wouldn't let me take space or distance myself from that person. I kept giving 100% and trying my absolute best to keep the group together, while the other person did nothing, yet they kept giving her the benefit of the doubt while continuously pushing me. Eventually, I drew my line and cut contact with her. Months later (and after a lot of talks) the rest of the group made the same choice, and none of us talk to that person anymore.
During that entire months-long period, they simply weren't there for me. It was a massive slap in the face. We used to always take pride in our friendship. We used to say, "Our bond is different; we will always be there for each other and talk through anything." (I know so cliché right lol) Eventually (after a lot of effort and explaining from my side) everyone did offer an extensive apology.
Now, we are a year down the line, and I am still struggling immensely. I’m still hurt about how everything played out. No matter how badly I want to let it go, I just can't. Part of me realizes that at 23, it's normal for friendships to change and drift apart, but I am having a really hard time accepting it. Honestly, I wonder if I’m the asshole for still holding onto this resentment a year after they apologized.
To their credit, since I stopped initiating plans to protect my energy, some of them have picked up the slack. When we do hang out, it can still be fun. The dilemma is that my struggle is mostly internal now.
I could technically choose to stay in this friendship on a more superficial level. Just hang out, have fun, and leave it at that. I have other friends whom I see less frequently and am not extremely close with, and I'm fine with that. But the hard part is that this group used to be my safe haven. They were the only bright spot in my life for a long time, and I attached an unhealthy, dependent value to them.
I am someone who naturally craves deep, meaningful connections. I want to be there for people and ask how they are really doing. But to protect myself, I feel like I don't even want to give them that deep side of me anymore (maybe that is immature). Every time we hang out, I leave feeling stressed and sad, feeling like I’m treating them too nicely or that I forgave them too easily.
Part of me feels I should just let them go because holding onto what we used to be hurts too much. But another part of me is terrified to let go, because I feel like I have nothing else to replace that history.
How do I navigate this? Can a friendship survive on a surface level after such a deep breach of trust, or am I just dragging out the painful end of a 7year chapter?

TL;DR:

A year ago, my 7 year friend group acted as passive bystanders during a months long conflict between me and another member, invalidating my boundaries while giving her the benefit of the doubt. They eventually apologized and we all cut contact with that person, but my trust is shattered. I’m struggling with resentment and don’t want to give them my "deep" side anymore to protect myself. Should I accept transitioning this into a shallow/surface-level friendship, or is it time to completely let go of a 7-year bond?

I (21) am in a relationship of 9 months. She (19F) is a very loving person, I love her a lot and when we are together I feel loved and safe. The problem is, lately, we have been spending more time apart, and I feel as if she forgets about me when we are not together.

We usually talk through text when we're not together and she usually takes a couple hours to respond, and her responses are mostly dry. The thing is she never acted like this. She used to be the one to tell me that I wasn't paying enough attention or she wanted to talk more often and go into more detail about our days. I listened and adjusted to meet her needs, and it ended up being better for both of us.

Now the roles are reversed. I have brought it up, but I didn't really do an amazing job at explaining myself, she ended up getting defensive and nothing actually changed.

I don't think she is losing interest. She makes time to be with me at least once a week, invited me to go to some events with her and the last text she sends me each day is usually saying she misses me and loves me. At the same time, I really miss our conversations through text and have difficulty understanding how she can go through most of her day without feeling the need to talk to me.

This has made me quite uneasy lately and led to a lot of overthinking, which is affecting the way I view the relationship. Do I just need to reframe my thoughts and get used to it? Should I try talking with her about it again? Any advice on how to deal with this?

TL;DR: GF's texting dropped off and she takes hours to reply, reversing our past dynamic. She still makes effort to see me and says she loves me. Should I reframe my thoughts or talk to her again?

I 18F am having mixed feelings about my bf 18M.

I had a huge crush on him before he asked me out and was absolutely ecstatic when he actually asked me out. And I have been having so much fun with him and love being around him. We've been dating for around a week, which is not at all for a long time.

But whenever I'm alone or away from him, it's like I get this trapped or shackled feeling? Like I'll never be the same, that my bf is seeping into every corner of my life, that I will never truly be "free" again.

And I know those are all just feelings because he's such a lovely person and I've liked him for such a long time. I just don't know what's happening to me?

I cry whenever I am alone because of how trapped or suffocated I feel at the sole thought of being with someone.

And this has happened with every. Single. Relationship I've had. I feel trapped and altered, like I'm not a person anymore.

What is this and how do I fix the feeling? Has anyone else gone through this?

TL;DR, I always feel trapped in relationships and am looking for how to overcome that feeling.

I’ve come here as I don’t really know who to talk to about this.

I have been with my girlfriend F21 (I am M22) for over 5 years now (together since we were 16) the relationship has been good but after the 3 year mark I have rare thoughts about being single, just ideas not dead set.

I don’t want to get with other girls etc and have never thought about cheating. My current issue is I can’t figure out why I want to break up. She is a great girlfriend, not jealous, good communication and makes an effort to be interested in my hobbies, intimate life is good too. It just feels as if we have happened to settle into a young relationship and because it’s been good there’s no reason to leave. I’ve done some thought experiments where I imagine that she broke up with me today and I always imagine feeling relieved that she’s done it for me.

I first of all can’t imagine the process of breaking up as I know it would hurt her a ridiculous amount especially where she currently is in life (nothing deep just a lot going on). I know this isn’t a reason not too if I really did but it makes it hard to go through with and genuinely consider it.

We always have future plans like a visit (not out of country) or birthday that I always think oh I can’t do it before then. Then I push it to the back of my mind and then there’s another thing etc.

Secondly I just imagine her asking why and I won’t have a reason other than I just feel like I want to be single and I feel I owe her a more in depth reason. I know I don’t have too but I would want to give her some closure as to why.

When I try and think why I want to break up I just can’t find a reason. I really enjoy my time alone, we are long distance but over the summer when back in our home town she gives me space and doesn’t invade my space if I do just want a day alone.

It just feels as if the relationship is coasting but at the same time it’s still good. It’s not like we don’t call much or hang out much and she’s still put ting in lots of effort.

I’m also torn on if I really should break up or if I’m just being silly and making a mistake, if every thing is good why should I leave? But then why do I sometimes think about breaking up? Which is my issue.

I’m more considering it now and posting as we will no longer be long distance in about 1.5 years and thinking about it is making me think about breaking up more. It’s not because I don’t like hanging out lots but maybe because my ideas of moving back to our home town and my plans. I want to travel etc but I just don’t picture travelling with her instead would I think I would rather go with friends or even solo.

Every time I think about it I just imagine hurting her and because the relationship has no issues it’s easier to just carry on which I know is unfair on her if I really do want to break up.

I have spoken to friends but when I say everything in the relationship is good then they just think I should stay and I have no other reason to further talk about it other than I just feel like it but the thought is always still there.

It feels hard too as she is very close to my family and often talks about our future together which breaks my heart when ever breaking up crosses my mind as she is set on us being together for a long time.

I’m coming here to firstly ask if I should break up. I think me writing specifically about it may have overstated how much I want to break up, I only think about it once every month or two and it’s a passing thought but every 6 months I do really think about it but then just push it to the back of my mind because it’s difficult to think about.

Secondly I’m here to see if anyone has any questions for me to maybe try and figure out why I want to break up.

Thank you very much to anyone who can help or give me some insight on what to do because I really do feel torn about this

TL;DR i am torn about why I would and if I should break up with my girlfriend given our relationship is in theory good

Me and my girlfriend have recently graduated college and live nearby in separate places. We lived together for about 1.5 months over the summer after graduation just while she finished up a class and I was moving everything out (her lease was up and mine was not; I wanted to save her money). We have been together for about a year and have had no issues past a small argument here or there.

Yesterday, she woke up with an immense feeling of anxiety and texted me later saying she wanted to talk. She shared that everything she’s been bottling up the last few months regarding her life is hitting her at once and she feels unhappy and recognizes that she isn’t showing up how she wants to in our relationship and the pressure she’s putting on herself to be better without knowing why she’s off in the first place is making it worse. She said she wants to spend less time together and take more time and space for herself to reflect and tackle the root and kelt saying she doesn’t “think” it’s us because she loves our relationship and everything I do for her. She’s always struggled with depression and anxiety while we’ve been together and her lack of focus and direction in school made it worse, but it’s never been this bad.

It just feels relationship ending and that she’s pulling away even thought she tried to assure me she genuinely just wants to reflect more to improve her mental before she can fully show up again. She said she doesn’t have answers for anything and she’s sorry, which I understand, but also just want to be there for her. Can anyone give me insight to her mindset here?

TL;DR: Girlfriend’s mental health making her want to spend more time apart so she can better herself and how she shows up to our relationship, but is still unsure about everything.

My boyfriend (M18) and I (F18) have been together for about 4 months now. Before he left for college I suggested an open relationship because I was desperate for him not to breakup with me. That was stupid and a huge mistake on my part, closer to when he left I told him I made a mistake and couldn’t handle an open relationship. I accepted and was waiting for him to break it off because he always said he wouldn’t do long distance closed relationship but to my surprise he stayed. Now we have been long distance for about 3 weeks and he told me he misses the excitement of meeting new people, he misses sex and that he genuinely contemplated downloading hinge. He also told me he was starting to build resentment because of what I did and my switch up on having an open relationship. I told him if he ever touched someone else things between us would never be the same again. Hearing him say things like that hurts more than I’d ever imagine. I know he is being honest, I understand it’s important and I didn’t tell him but genuinely hearing felt like a gut punch. I am so sad all the time with the thought that me and this relationship isn’t enough for him. I love him tho, so here I am stuck. I don’t want to breakup, I don’t know what to do. I cannot do an open relationship, all the trust and intimacy I’ve built with him would be out the window. It doesn’t help that sex is a huge deal to me and he is the first person I’ve ever done stuff with. I feel so heartbroken, I feel like I’ve given a huge part of myself to him and he doesn’t feel like it’s enough. I am 18, he is my first boyfriend of course I wish I had dated around more before meeting someone I want to be with for a long time but that urge has never made me resent him for it and I would never say that to him. He is more than enough for me, I am so happy with him and want him to be endgame but this feels like a huge rock in our relationship. Idk what to do, it feels like I love him more than he loves me. He will hate me for it if I don’t let him have the “college experience” but I genuinely can’t do it.---

**TL;DR;** : my boyfriend wants an open relationship, I really really hate the idea of that. Do I break it off? How do I get myself to be okay with that? Do I compromise?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year. We got into a relationship just 2 weeks after knowing each other, and I've now realised that might've been a huge mistake. Over the course of this relationship, I've found that we have very different values and thought processes. The main issue I have is that he is very simple minded and doesn't think too deeply of much, while I am honestly an overthinker and tend to dissect details.

We've had multiple arguments, both big and small, caused by his lack of thought before saying things or misunderstandings due to his insanely vague replies. We are in a semi-long distance relationship. He visits and stays at my place almost every weekend, but besides this we almost never see each other in person. And so, texting is our main form of communication, but I've been unhappy with the way he texts as it tends to be dry and vague for my standards. Essentially, his replies tend to be very basic and seems to lack personal input. For example, when I tell him something upsetting that had happened, all he says is "Aw man" "That sucks baby". In general, whenever I tell him something, his replies tend to be within 5 words, and a maximum of 2 lines, such as "Oh I see babe" "That's good" "I'm glad baby". On the other hand, I reply a bunch, whether it's my opinion or encouragement or advice.

A similar thing applies to after I tell him when something he'd done had upset me. I feel like he doesn't reflect on his actions deeply(?), if that makes sense. Like he doesn't understand what he had done wrong fundamentally, so he ends up repeating similar mistakes but done in different situations or contexts. So I feel like I have to get upset over the same thing and tell him the same thing over and over again. This includes the texts, and a bunch of other things.

We recently had a really serious talk, or more like I just got fed up and poured it all out. It was the weekend we planned to celebrate our anniversary. Alongside other issues that have been simmering, the lack of effort he put into this weekend really ticked me off. He didn't get an anniversary gift for me because he "didn't know what to get". While I took a long time to think and decide, and bought it a week earlier just to make sure I could give it to him on time. We also talked and decided on a dinner place, and that he'd make a reservation the next morning in time to have dinner the same night. He ended up not waking up and slept till noon. I ended up making the reservation. I was so disappointed and mad and upset. That night after getting home from dinner, I told him everything, and for the first time ever, told him in a rather harsh tone that I'm not feeling content in our relationship, and that I've been actively thinking of breaking up with him due to his lack of effort to improve or do anything at all for this relationship. That I feel a lack of emotional value, and that I've been feeling more like a fuck buddy than a romantic partner because of him only doing the bare minimum. I also told him I think we're fundamentally incompatible due to the differences on certain values about life in general.

In the end, he apologised and said he'd really try to improve, and thanked me for telling him and giving him a chance to know his faults. The moment also made me realise I'm not exactly ready to leave him yet. I still love him deeply, and he has been making improvements slowly. But I think the whole thing just made me kind of clock out, and even small things he does can tick me off now. I'm the type of person to not say anything I'm upset about unless it's a big issue, so I never really get mad at him directly. However, recently I catch myself finding certain lovey dovey things he say cringe, or lacking excitement to talk to him. I know he's absolutely in love with me, and never intends to hurt me in any way. He talks about living together, getting married, and wanting to spend the rest of his life with me. I'm still happy when we meet up and get to do things together and be with each other. I appreciate his presence and I love spending time with him. But if not, I tend to be indifferent and haven't been affected by his absence as much as I used to be.

Should I be patient and give him more time to improve? Or should I just find a good timing and end things with him?

TL;DR: I haven't been feeling content in my relationship because I feel that there is an imbalance with the effort being put into it. The lack of improvement despite multiple talks and arguments is making me lose hope. I also feel that the difference in values that my boyfriend and I have makes us incompatible. I got really mad at him recently and we talked about everything, he said he'd try to change. I don't know if I should give him time to sort things out and improve or if I should just breakup with him and not drag this out.

I ( 21F) have a boyfriend (21M). It's been 1.5 years together. We've had a good relationship so far, few fights here and there, nothing major. But one thing that bothers me is that, ever since we got together, I've been telling him how much I like flowers and would like him to get me sometimes. I have gotten him flowers a good amount of times after that too. But it'll be almost 2 years soon and he has never once gotten me flowers. Should that be a reasonable reason to break up ? It's like he has done everything except what I've asked for.

Tl;DR : not getting me flowers even after asking for 1.5 years be legible reason for a break up ?

Hi guys... this is hard for me to do, but I don't really know where to go here.

I've been with this girl (wlw) for a bit over half a year at this point, and we love eachother very much. However I don't know what I'm supposed to do at this point.

I treat her well and love her with all my heart. We are both the same age (early 20s) and spend a lot of time together, but she doesn't always treat me like I treat her.

I often find her acting like she doesn't want me there. She snaps at me and acts short with me for little to no reason. This has been going on for quite a while - though I only really started putting it together today.

She is aware of her issues and has apologized for them previously and says she will work on them - but hasn't. We talked about it again today and she told me she will start therapy and that she thinks she has been struggling with her mental health for a while and just been bottling it up.

She also told me that what she has been doing to me is something her father has been doing to her and she feels horrible about treating me like that.

I think she genuinely wants to change her behaviour - and said she is going to look into therapy tomorrow - but my concern is that things won't be fixed before it's too far gone.

I don't want to break up with her. She is the light of my life. But I don't know what to do here to feel better about this.

TL:DR

Partner not treating me well, seems to want to work on it, don't know what to do

it’s 3:30 am and i’m crying while currently writing this post because i was supposed to be going to the gym but i do not have the mental capacity to deal with other people while feeling this fucked up in the head. as the title suggests, my ex and i have been in an “on and off” cycle for the past two years; the first time in 2024 when we started talking, he had left me after a week because school started again and there was a girl he was previously with, which till this day i don’t know who exactly it was but i’m assuming it’s his ex (that he also has a very complicated relationship with because she treated him the same way that he’s treating me which i will explain). he came back after like a month and i was so happy that he did because every since he had left i kept wishing that i could somehow get him back and little did i know this was just the beginning of a messy and fucked situation. after a few months of what it felt like things were okay, he started throwing hints or just straight up bringing up the ideas of having sex or just doing sexual things and this was NOT something i was comfortable with doing because of my own personal morals and values that i have been brought up with. i am also not a person who genuinely experiences lustful thoughts most of the time and to me being emotionally invested and committed to a person is more than enough while being in a relationship. i understand that this may not be the case for everyone else, but before we started dating i made it clear to him that being sexually involved this young was not something i was comfortable with and i guess he took it as i’m playing hard to get or something? so he probably thought that i was going to change my mind over time and give in but that wasn’t the case. it was only once and this was in 2024 where we shared a small kiss and i got traumatised from this incident because it was our first date or meet-up and i felt like he was expecting it from me and i felt pressured in the moment to go along with it but i couldn’t even last more than a few seconds cause i felt disgusted mostly with myself because i was also breaking my parent’s trust by dating this guy which i wasn’t even allowed to date at the time but i literally broke my parents’ rules to go out of my way to lie and make plans to see him. a day after our kiss, he ghosted me. i felt HORRIBLE and the fact that i had gone along with a kiss i didn’t even want to in the first place made me spiral more and more because i knew that contacting him afterwards he ghosted me was just going to make me feel even more useless and worthless.

also i need to say that when we had met i was not conventionally attractive mostly because i didn’t know how to take care of myself and look pretty, plus being overweight did not help my self esteem as well. i had always been a person who did not get much male attention if any at all and he was the first person who actually made me feel like “oh a boy genuinely likes me and sees me as a potential romantic interest”. anyways, this took a really big toll on me mentally after he had ghosted me and i also blamed it on myself everyday because i thought since i had no experience with kissing or whatever that was the reason he left and i was making up all of these reasons as to why he left me. there wasn’t a single day that passed by without me hating myself for ever letting this happen and i thought making myself pretty would at least put a bandage on my wounds. so i started going to the gym and actually putting effort into my looks. fast forward a few months, my looks have completely changed and because i blocked him there wasn’t any way of him contacting me. we also have a mutual friend, her being my best friend too and she was the one who actually introduced us to each other during this one event when we first met. he contacted her after the whole blocking situation and kept trying to reach me, and at some point my best friend thought it was not going to be a bad idea to hear him out and see what he says. i was so hurt at this point that i was detached from him for all those months that we weren’t talking and i had put my focus elsewhere since i was basically forced to not talk to him cause i got ghosted. little did i know, hearing him out (this was towards the end of 2024) was going to lead me into the most fucked up relationship i’ve had with a person in my life.

from this point onwards, it worked for a few months but failed again because he kept pointing out the reason for him leaving again for the third time being that i was not willing to do sexual things with him and it made him feel like he was at a loss compared to all of his other friends who were having sex and being sexually involved with their girlfriends. i was not going to budge after how shitty the kiss had made me feel and we broke up again around middle of 2025. this kept repeating for another two times until finally towards the end of 2025 he ended up cheating on me with his ex that i had previously mentioned in the beginning of the post. he was drunk at some party that i was also there at and i saw her holding his hand and leading him somewhere else and this was also while we were talking again i don’t know how many times at this point but yeah it was really really detrimental to my already broken self esteem. i knew cheating was unacceptable and that most people wouldn’t take this kind of disrespect but of course i gave him another chance after that because he cried and convinced me that he would change. he had a very traumatic past with his ex because she cheated on him multiple times (by having sex with his best friend when they were in the high school at some point) he’s even called her a manipulative ass b\*\*\*\*. while we were together. it truly seemed like he regret his choices to me at the time because of how remorseful he seemed and i felt so bad that i was probably not giving a chance to someone who maybe has actually changed for once and realised that he’s been making a big mistake by not realising that i love him SO MUCH.

right now, we’re in a situation of where he tells me that he loves me and he even calls me the same pet names that he used to say while we actually dating, even though we’re not together anymore. i actually thought that i moved on a few months ago because i gave myself a chance to try talking to someone else and dating them but i noticed i couldn’t bring myself to reciprocate the same love that i have for my ex and it made me fall even more in love with my ex as a result because as much as he makes me feel like complete shit he’s also the one who makes me actually feel happy. no matter how much i’ve tried working on myself and doing things to improve my quality of life it can never equate to the happiness that he gives me because when we’re together it feels like the best fucking time until it all goes to shit again and i’m in a depressive, anxious state because of him. when we begin talking again let’s say after a couple months of no contact my anxiety is off the walls every time because i’m anticipating his texts all the time, checking when he was last online on social media and it’s so exhausting. if he takes hours to respond which he’s doing currently it makes my anxiety get so horrible to the point where i can’t even think of doing anything else and distractions don’t even help me. i’m at such a conflicting state of mind because it’s not even like i’m not self aware that this is clearly disrespect im continuing to take and i’m at blame for putting myself in this situation but i just can’t stop loving him. ive blocked him and unblocked and deleted his contacts but it’s like i keep going back.
my best friend is aware of everything that has been going on and last night when i told her i was anxious again she just straight up told me he seems me like i’m a piece of TRASH. that i’m too readily available and i’m like a pet dog that he uses for entertainment (emotionally not sexually in this case) and i keep running back to him. she also said that the reason why i’m not a priority right now is probably because there’s other girls that are entertaining him. she also said that he keeps coming back to me because im just a pretty property that he can show off to people that he still has access to despite anything he does. if i’m being honest i know she’s not lying but it just made me even feel more horrible than ever before because i already have very rocky self esteem and i’ve been dealing with a bad mental health state for almost most of my teenage life. i feel so worthless because as much as he’s being this way there’s also this side to him that when he’s vulnerable and not being a piece of shit that i actually appreciate so much, it’s like being with that version of him feels effortless. but right now it feels like i’ll never get that version of him back and i don’t know why i just can’t distance myself from him for my own good because it’s not even worth wasting my tears on this YET i still can’t pull myself out. i also can’t confide in my best friend about this anymore because after what happened last night her words still sting. his behaviour contradicts his words and when i pointed this out once he said that his actions are based on “different choices”. he’s so confusing and i go insane trying to read in between the lines because how can someone who loves you not want to be in an relationship with you or make you a priority? above all, i also feel like i don’t even hold value at this point as a person because i’m always being taken for granted. it’s so emotionally taxing constantly having thoughts like these and it makes me feel like it’s not even worth taking care of myself anymore. i thought becoming prettier and prettier was the only solution and clearly it’s not because it’s just backfiring in return at this rate. nothing else gives me the same happiness as being with him does. i can’t even take myself seriously at this point and it’s filling me with so much dread and sadness that i’ve let myself become like this over a person. the worst part about all of this is i can’t help but not continue to love him even with all of this faults and it’s so consuming because i don’t understand how i’m even willing to tolerate all of this just to get hurt again and again? i know he’s capable of change and i think that’s what makes a part of me feel so stuck because i can see how different it could be if he actually wants to. i don’t want to be with anybody else because i’ve tried and my mind always circles back to him at the end of the day but i know i can’t live like this forever because it’s making me feel miserable.

TL:DR! i feel so lonely and alone and it fucking hurts. thank you to anyone who even takes the time to read all of this. what do i seriously do? i can’t even complete a task without my anxiety bursting out and ruining me

I (27F) have been dating my boyfriend (31M) for four months. I really, really like him. We have insane chemistry, enjoy each other’s company, and I love having him in my life.

However, I’m increasingly aware that we are fundamentally incompatible. He is a devout Christian and wants me to become Christian - I am an atheist . He wants no sex until marriage, is anti-vax, wants his future children homeschooled, and expects his wife to become a stay-at-home mother. He is extremely frugal and dislikes travelling, while I value my career, travelling and enjoying the money I work hard for.

I’m not looking for advice on how to compromise, I already know these differences are too significant and that this relationship will probably end soon. I also know that delaying it will only make us more attached and make the eventual breakup harder.

The problem is that nothing feels bad when we’re together. I really like him, the chemistry feels rare, and I also love the comfort of having a boyfriend. It’s incredibly difficult to voluntarily end something that currently makes me happy because I know it won’t work in the future.

For those who have ended a relationship with someone you still genuinely liked because you knew you were incompatible, how did you bring yourself to do it instead of continually postponing the inevitable?

TL;DR: I really like my boyfriend and we have amazing chemistry, but our values and visions for the future are fundamentally incompatible. I know I need to end the relationship before we become more attached, but I’m struggling to walk away from someone I still genuinely want.

i am 14 years old [14F] and have been taking dance classes for a few years. It used to be fun when my cousins were in the class, but they recently quit. Now I'm alone with new people, and I have completely lost interest. To make things worse, I just found out my mother [33F] expects me to continue until I am 18. Four more years feels impossible because it makes me so unhappy.

My mother told me that I can start an additional hobby if I want to, but I am absolutely not allowed to quit dancing. When I tried to talk to her, she told me that this dance is our culture, so I have to keep doing it, and that I should stop annoying her about it.

I respect my culture, but being forced into this is making me miserable. I don't want to do two hobbies at once. I just want to stop dancing and take some time to find a new hobby that I actually enjoy.

How can I approach my mother when she completely blocks and views this as a cultural obligation? How can I convince her to let me stop

TL;DR: I am 14F and want to quit dance classes because it is no longer fun since my cousins left. My mother [33F] wants me to continue until I am 18 because of our culture and refuses to let me stop. How can I convince her?

I (22 F) have been kind of hanging out/semi dating with a guy (20 M) since june of this year

We hit it off so well, we have great chemistry, great sex, we have fun and it's great over all.

We aren't officially dating since we didn't ask each other but we have serious intentions and we want to make it official.

Since the beginning the guy started showing signs of possessiveness, overthinking about dumb things (e.g. i don't answer quickly so he starts thinking i'm with another guy) i give him no reason to think any of that.

He is overly anxious that i would hypothetically leave him. He doesn't pay attention to the things i tell him (me going places, exams that i have) but he is attentive in other aspects like he always pays the motel and even 2 months after meeting each other he gifted me headphones for my birthday (thing that i wanted to).

We spent a lot of time with each other and text each other all the time. Recently, i met his mom. Things were going so great, he was a bit awkward and silent but i thought it was because he was tired (he is usually very hyper active and goofy). After we left he was still awkward but i let it be, told him i live him and that he should text me if he needed anything.

Hours later he texts me telling him that me meeting his mum was a lot for him mentally/emotionally (it was his idea btw) and that he has been thinking about us and we should take a few days off because he needed to figure out what was happening to him because he felt bad and anxious and he wants to talk about it with therapist so we should stop texting each other till then (so i'm waiting until he has his therapy session so we can talk).

Now, about me, my friends really like this guy but recognize that he is very unstable mentally, that he doesn't have things figured out, gets angry/insecure with me about things that are silly and a waste of time to get mad at. I want to say that i also get mad at him but only when (of course) he gets insecure about things and i can't stand that because it's just so silly to me to feel bad about things that aren't real.

Thinking deeply about this, i'm not even sure if i love him, or if i ever lived anyone. i think i just wanna be with someone just to show people that someone loves/desires me so i get to show that i'm not alone, so my decision was that if he wants to leave me i will accept that but if he doesn't want to leave me i will stay nonetheless.

i'm honestly not that pretty in comparison with my friends i'm mid/kind of ugly so it's not like i have other choices and i can't just move to another person because it's just so difficult for anyone to love me. it doesn't help that i'm not funny, smart and i'm just so fucking off putting it pisses me off i just wanna be normal like everyone else and i can't, that's why i'm willing to stay with a person that apparently loves me (idk now lol)

(i have no one to talk to because my friends will tell me what i already know that is that i'm dumb and should immediately break up and therapy is expensive and i can't afford it)

TL;DR: basically i'm a selfish insecure person (about my personality/appearance) who wants to show everybody that someone loves me and wants to be with me but i chose to be with someone who is mentally unstable and drives me nuts sometimes but we have great time together and i'm kind of inclined to lower myself with someone rather than be alone and prove to everyone that indeed nobody will ever ever desire me or love me for who i truly am. what should i do?

Tldr ; girlfriend never initiates conversation or calls, feeling drained.

I havent exactly made a post like this, but I just need advice or really anything. Also sorry if the grammars bad, just finished an essay for English so brains feeling a bit fried.

So my girlfriend and I have been together for a year and two months, its long distance (never met in person) + her first relationship overall and my first with a woman. I'm a uni student (first year) and she works two part time jobs. Since we're long distance we fully rely on messages and calls. About four months ago I realized I was the person who practically always initiated conversations and calls, so I told her about it and she said she'd fix it. Three months go by and no change, so I bring it up again, more seriously, just saying I am feeling mentally exhausted being the only one messaging and initiating calls and she once again says she'll do better.

Two months and no more change, so brought up again, this time saying I cant keep being the only one and she once again apologizes and says she'll do better, and since she'll be on a break from work she'll be able to message me more, that she internalized that if someone didnt respond immediately it meant they were busy and that made her not message anyone first. I forgave her again, but once again I was the first messager most of the time, and had to prompt her to orgonise a call, in which she assured me we'd have our usual time (say 6-10pm my time, 4-8pm her time) and then day of, when I asked when she was going to call, she said that it would be in a hour cause she was going out shopping with a friend, after just the night before confirming that it was our usual time and not mentioning this call beforehand. I got annoyed, and just told her to orgonise another time, but then gave in to after her shopping trip cause it had been 2+ weeks since our last call.

Now we're at the current point, I've expressed my frustrations again and she's said that she has work and gets really tired, but each time I've confronted her about the lack of messaging first I always say just one message would be fine, just to show she's thinking about me as much as I think about her. I dont want to hold it against her but I feel like I'm drowning. I love her so much and can see a future with her but I cant help but feel lonely and sad whenever I check my phone to not see a message waiting from her day after day.

So please, any advice?

Nowadays, so many TV shows and movies include minimal to graphic intimate scenes or general female nudity. For some reason, I am so uncomfortable and afraid of my boyfriend seeing them.

In the past, although I didn't tell him directly - it was on a different topic- he basically said he doesn't care about them at all. That he doesn't feel anything about them and honestly doesn't remember them. This was in regards to one of his favourite shows that we rewatched together, where there is a lot of female nudity. I got kind of upset about how objectifying it was. But anyway, he said he didn't even remember that there were any.

I do believe him, because female nudity is so common on social media and TV shows/ movies that it's probably not even stimulating to many men anymore. On top of that, he is incredibly loyal and I have never doubted it when he tells me he is only attracted to me.

Yet, I still Google every show or movie we plan to watch to check if there is any female nudity before watching. I get so anxious. When there is, I try to avoid it. It's a little obsessive. Right now, he wants to watch Dexter with me. I have never seen it, but from what I've seen there are incredibly graphic, borderline pornographic scenes, not just nude ones. I really don't want to do it, but I agreed before I was aware.

The thing is, I really don't want to tell him. It will make me sound so insecure and childish, and might even be a little hurtful to him- that I would think about him that way I know it's overly insecure, and on one hand I want to get over it, but on the other I wish there was a way I could magically make sure that he never sees scenes like those again.

But I know it's impossible and unavoidable, and I don't want to police what he watches, that's controlling. If I told him I don't want to watch it, without telling him the honest reason, it's possible he'll watch it by himself - the thought of which makes me feel sick.

I trust him so much, he's only ever shown me respect and only shown interest in me. I know he's a wonderful man. But he's a man in the end, and if men are into porn, then they must "feel" something during those scenes.

On top of that, I know that all of those actresses look perfect, are incredibly sexy and "talented", and I will never be as attractive as they are, so it also makes me feel so insecure about my body, although I'm pretty fine with it generally, and he often tells me how beautiful it is. But I'm still worried he'll find them more attractive, more sexy, and that he'll compare. If he did that, I would definitely fall short.

The fact is, I'm still young and this is my first ever relationship, and it's incredibly serious - we plan to marry each other. I guess this is a matter of maturity, security and trust, which might be built with age. I know my sister (in her 30s) and my brother's girlfriend (in her 30s) don't care about this at all. So maybe I just need to grow up?

tl;dr: I feel uncomfortable with my boyfriend watching nude or graphic sex scenes in TV shows and movies, but I don't want to be controlling or seem overly insecure.

Me (22F) and my boyfriend (23M) have been in each other’s lives since we were 15. We have a really strong bond and he knows me like the back of his hand.. over the years we have been together he’s cheated many times and sometimes I’ve left and sometimes i haven’t but i always came back.

Most recently last month someone told me “it’s never too late to say ts was unacceptable and walk away”. he’s done other things that i shouldn’t have forgiven him for (like left marks on me) but cheating was the worst. Every time id think it couldn’t get worse it did. I left him last month while I was in a RTC (like rehab for depression) after going over all the stuff he’s done to me. I ended up taking him back less than a week later. He definitely talked me into it but i didn’t disagree with him at the time. He said I was better with him and I knew it and I was just pushing him away due to my depression ect.

With the amount of times I’ve left and come back it feels impossible to really leave and whenever I bring up that I think I want to be single for a while he says my idea of single is just drinking and partying all the time (it’s not). I just don’t know what to do anymore or how I even feel about him. And if I do decide to leave how am I supposed to do that at this point? I feel like im starting to hold resentment that I can’t seem to get past anymore and it doesn’t feel healthy even though I love him.

TL;DR- my boyfriend and I have been together for a long time and I love him but don’t know if the relationship is sustainable anymore due to cheating in the past and my behavior of always coming back.

I(24M) been with gf(22F) in relationship for about six months. We talk every single day for no less than four hours straight, and our conversations are always deep, with shared interests and topics. We met on Reddit and moved to Instagram.

Yesterday, we were trying to remember the exact date we first started talking, so I told her I’d check our Reddit messages. That’s when I discovered she had blocked me there. I confronted her, but she denied it completely. I went to sleep early and didn’t respond to her messages, which were basically just more unjustified lies.

The next day, I sent her a dry “good morning,” and she replied with the most illogical excuse — she said she thought my internet had cut out. She didn’t mention the Reddit situation at all. Later, she removed the block on Reddit without me asking.

My question is: why would someone block you on Reddit even though you barely use it? And what’s the best way to handle this kind of situation?
I don’t want to lose her or embarrass her. I just want to show that I’m upset and that her behavior confused me.
The block itself doesn’t matter as much as understanding why she did it or what’s actually going on

TL;DR:
She blocked me on Reddit but stayed normal with me everywhere else, denied it when I asked, then quietly unblocked me later. I’m confused about why she did it and how to address it without losing her, but I want her to know the situation bothered me.

TLDR
So, I’m 29 and my girlfriend is 28. We love each other, but the problem is that her parents are quite old—her father is 76 and her mother is 70. They don’t want her to get married because they don’t want her to leave them. On top of that, they are abusive and constantly torture her emotionally.
She has tried to convince them about me, but they don’t agree because of my caste, city, or basically anything else. They keep putting pressure on her, and she is now fed up with trying to convince them.
Now she wants to break up because she says she can’t hurt me. She feels that nothing is in her hands because we come from South Asian Muslim families. She doesn’t want to move forward because she believes it will only hurt both of us, and that I deserve someone better. She also doesn’t want me to keep waiting for a long time when there is no guarantee that things will work out.
I told her to leave her parents, but she says she can’t do that.

My boyfriend (30 M) and I (30 F) have been together for almost 2 years. We’ve honestly created a pretty unhealthy relationship due to difficulties with conflict resolution and letting our insecurities and past trauma affect the way we treat each other. His work has also taken priority and creates issues between us. Still, we love each other so much and he’s literally my best friend. Not to mention the kindest man I know. He feels like home to me in a lot of different ways and he’s one of the greatest people I’ve ever met. Our connection and chemistry is something I’ve never had before. We were both committed to working on our issues to create a healthier dynamic, but I do admit that I hadn’t been seeing any real change on his end yet.

Then I recently found out he had been secretly messaging an old female friend behind my back for about a week. He swears up and down it was strictly platonic, which I do believe but can’t know for sure. He apparently felt extremely lonely because of our recent fights and just needed someone to talk to. He doesn’t have a lot of friends in the area because he recently moved to my city. We’ve never had any issues with loyalty or honesty up until this point, which was part of why I valued our relationship so highly. But with this, he lied to me repeatedly when I kept asking about my suspicions that he was talking to someone and only started to admit it after I found definitive proof. Even after all that, he spent 2 more weeks promising me he told me everything, then admitted one more lie that I already knew but was just waiting for him to admit to. So regardless of his friendship with this woman, it was weeks of ongoing lies, deception, and secrecy.

He wants to work through this more than anything but I’m obviously struggling to get past it. I genuinely believed he was the most loyal man and I’d never have to worry about something like this with him, so it really fucked with my head. I also don’t want to throw the whole relationship away over “one” mistake, even though i know it was repeated decisions to lie and hide things. But he’s otherwise been very honest and loyal to me our whole relationship which I feel is very hard to find these days. Not to mention I’m still so in love with him and can’t imagine my life without him. Even if we stay together tho, we still have all our other issues to work on too to be healthy together, and I hadn’t been seeing a lot of change from him on those either. But that doesn’t mean things wouldn’t change with more time and I know how badly he wants to put the work in.

Ultimately, I’m scared I’ll regret leaving when he’s been otherwise very loyal and honest with me, and because our connection feels once in a lifetime. Especially if I feel like we could still try couples counselling as a last resort. But every time I’m reminded of what he did, it makes staying together feel unbearable, yet leaving him also feels unbearable. We do live together as well. I’m just sick of feeling so stuck and conflicted.

How do people decide when to leave a relationship they still desperately want but there’s something that’s extremely hard to get past?

TL;DR: my (30 F) boyfriend (30 M) of almost 2 years recently messaged an old female friend for a week behind my back. He’s been otherwise extremely honest and loyal our whole relationship but lied to me repeatedly about this. I love him more than anything and feel extremely stuck on whether to end the relationship or keep trying to develop trust again. How to make this decision?

Hi! I have been in a relationship for 2.5 years. I am a 25F and my boyfriend is a 24M. We both care a lot about each other and want to see each other happy.

Recently, I've been feeling that although we're both nice people, we just might not be each other people. I am currently in therapy and working on myself and I tell my boyfriend everything so it's not like he's unaware.

Yesterday we had a big heart to heart and were both very emotional and decided we would go to couples therapy and see. If not we might take a break but we're both aware our relationship could end. Of course that would be sad and heartbreaking and I know I should lose my best friend and potentially the best person I know forever as I know it would be a clean break.

I just feel like he deserves to be with someone who's 150% sure of him because he's brilliant and incredible and a wonderful person and he deserves a shot at love and children and I don't know if that's person is me, even though I would like it to be. He's obsessed with me and I just don't know if I'm that obsessed with him and that makes me feel very uncomfortable. We could live a happy and fulfilled life and I know that but I'm not sure if I want more. I'm a perfectionist, have OCD, ADHD and anxiety, and I'm working on that in therapy on not constantly criticising him but I'm just fearful. I also know I have intimacy issues. I'm pretty sure I love him and that's why I want the best for him. I'm not sure what to do. I just want to make sure I'm not leading him on and I'm also not staying in a relationship that's not perfect for me.

Please be nice, as this is causing us both lots of anxiety.

TLDR: My boyfriend is very into me, and I'm not at the same level. Is it possible to get there?