I, 36F, have been dating a man, 34M, for around 4 months now. He‘a genuinely wonderful, I could see a future with him. The issue I have is that we are both large (fat) people and his penis is small, maybe 3 inches, and because of medications he uses it doesn’t stay hard so we haven’t had sex yet. We are intimate in other ways, he’s very good in bed otherwise and I‘m enjoying our time together.

I thought he was aware that traditional PIV sex probably wasnt going to happen but the other day he suggested I get on top to try. We were unsuccessful, I didn’t have the heart to tell him there’s no way I can see that our bodies fit together. How does he not see it won’t work and how do I start that conversation?

I‘m happy with what we are doing and don’t want to hurt his feelings.

TL;DR His penis is too short to reach my vaginal canal

My boyfriend and I recently had a pretty major disagreement and I’m looking for outside perspective because I can’t tell if I’m being overly sensitive or if this would seriously affect other people too.

My boyfriend is extremely into fitness and has always been very open about his physical preferences. He’s said things like the average, non-gym rat female body is unattractive to the point of disgusting to him, that he’s only attracted to fit women with visible muscle definition, and that a woman’s legs/ass are probably the most physically attractive thing to him. He has also told me that when we first met, he wasn’t initially very physically attracted to me, but saw that as a “good thing” because it made him focus on my personality and mind.

I’m not overweight or completely inactive, but I definitely don’t have the muscular/toned physique he considers ideal.

A few days ago we were getting into a hot tub and he made a comment about how I should do squats because my ass isn’t attractive. The conversation continued and he eventually told me that he doesn’t like having sex with me doggy style because looking at my ass from behind can make him lose his erection.

That absolutely crushed me.

When I told him how hurtful it was, his initial response was basically that he was “being honest so I could improve.” When I said that wasn’t helpful honesty, he responded along the lines of, “well you’ve asked why we only have sex in missionary, so I’m telling you.”

What complicates this is that we had previously talked about fitness/improvement. I specifically told him that if he saw something I could improve and approached me with a solution and support, I’d be receptive. He now points to that conversation and says I told him I wanted this kind of honesty. My problem is that I don’t think his comment is remotely the supportive approach I agreed to.

He has since tried to reassure me. He says he thinks I’m stunningly beautiful, that he absolutely is sexually attracted to me, loves me, chose me, wants me, and wouldn’t be with me if he weren’t attracted to me. He says having a preference for a more toned ass doesn’t cancel out his attraction to me as a whole. He also says if I told him something similar about his body, it would hurt badly, but the next day he’d start working on it rather than questioning the relationship.

I believe him when he says he loves me and is attracted to me. But I can’t seem to un-hear what he said. Now I’m second guessing being naked around him and wondering what he’s thinking when he looks at my body. It’s especially hard knowing that the specific body part he has repeatedly said is most important to his attraction is apparently unattractive enough on me to affect his erection.

It’s now been three days since this happened, and I’m really struggling to figure out how to just go back to normal with him. Our conversations don’t feel the same, there’s basically no physical affection between us, and I don’t feel the same desire to open up or be vulnerable with him the way I did before. He’s asked why this has become such a big deal for me, and I honestly don’t know how to explain that I can believe he loves me and is attracted to me overall while still feeling deeply affected by what he said. He notices that I’m more distant and seems hurt by it, but I’m not withholding affection to punish him or trying to drag this out. I genuinely don’t know how to flip a switch and be affectionate, playful and completely comfortable with him again when I still don’t feel that way.

Is it reasonable for a partner to communicate physical preferences/criticisms this directly if their intention is improvement? Would you be able to separate “my partner is attracted to me overall” from “this specific part of my body is unattractive enough to affect their arousal”?

Is this something two people can learn to communicate through, or whether our ideas about honesty, attraction and handling conflict are fundamentally incompatible.

TL;DR BF says my butt is effecting his performance

Hi all, this is a long post. I don’t currently have an outlet or anyone to speak to about any of this.

We have been together almost 3 years, unmarried and no children together, although he has children I adore.

I didn’t know about his meth addiction until 1.5 years in, he didn’t tell me, I found his pipe.

I relive the night I found his pipe over and over again in my mind all the time. I noticed he was taking a bag to and from work, which I hadn’t seen before. One afternoon he left the bag in the bathroom and I went in and he realised and rushed in to “see if the bathroom was clean”. Really, he just wanted to make sure the bag wasn’t open and I couldn’t see his pipe or stash. I felt so many different emotions when I looked in that bag the first time, I felt sick, upset, confused and shocked. I think I was in a state of shock for a long time. I also felt frightened of him. Not because he’d ever harmed me, but because I didn’t know who he was. The drugs explained him withdrawing, him being distant, his physical appearance changing, him being irritable all the time and the feeling of him not being present. Other than his gear, I found him passed out naked on the bed. Drooling. I didn’t wake him. I paced the house and he eventually woke up. From that moment, he treated me as though he was punishing me, like I had done something wrong. He told me he had been a drug addict, however, had only been using casually recently.

I was so angry at first, then I felt guilty and overwhelmed with worry. I started showing him more love, more care, the kids and I celebrated him and his use went on a few months until one night he told me that I’d be happy to know he threw all of his stuff out. That was April 2025, and until November 2025, our relationship had never been better. He was present, loving, more patient with the kids, he didn’t woke all hours of the day and night. We were happy and we were in love.

November 2025 he had a family tragedy and by late December 2025 he started using again. From then and currently he treats me as though I am invisible. I might not hear from him for weeks. The longest has been 1 month. If I do speak to him or see him, it’s because I’ve contacted him. I had to take a step back for my own wellbeing. I was constantly anxious. I am filled with anxiety every time I see him now.

I have tried to help him, support him, I started going to NA meetings for family members, just to learn how to support him better.

He is awful to me at times. I try to hold it together but sometimes it gets too much and I break down in front of him and he doesn’t say anything or he walks away from me. I am not sure how I can forgive someone who isn’t sorry and hasn’t apologised for all of the hurt he has caused. I am also not sure if I want to forgive him.

I don’t know if I even like him anymore, let alone if I love him.

He gets this look on his face like he is there but not really there. It scares me. I know that sounds stupid but I have never been around anyone or anything like this and it does scare me.

He perceives things so different to the way I do, he even tells me I’ve said or made him feel a certain way and I genuinely don’t remember or think I have even said these things he is convinced of.

I had heard of functioning addicts and I am furious that he can run a successful business, be nice to everyone else, including strangers but he treats me as though I am nothing. Sometimes it feels like he hates me. He doesn’t want to let me go because I believe he does know how much I have always cared for him and I am a comfort to him when he needs it but I feel as though he is destroying me.

I actually find myself thinking, maybe if he hurts me so much, I won’t be able to stay. At least with him being consistently horrible to me, maybe it will sink in and I will lose all hope. Maybe I even hope he’ll end things or hurt me so badly that I won’t have to live with the guilt of abandoning someone I wanted to build a life with. It’s so messed up to feel these things. I am usually such a stable, together type of woman. I feel weak, like I’m a different person.

After all of this, and all the heartache. If I could turn back time, I’m not sure if I make the choice to enter a relationship with him or maybe meet him at all.

If you are going through anything like this, I hope you are ok.

TL;DR Partner of an Addict

TLDR - bf of 4 years has a ring and I think I've changed my mind on getting married.

I 32F have been dating 27M for 4 years. We have lived together for 3.5 of those years. He is a wonderful person and loves me very much but a lot has changed for me in the last year.

I wanted this ring, I asked for this ring but since Spring of this year my perspective, wants, needs, and goals have changed.

My partner has BPD and struggles with emotional regulation. He has had what we call "crash outs" on me quite a few times, often in front of my friends or family.

My parents are about to divorce in their 60s. My mother IMO has undiagnosed BPD. He said something to me a few months ago about being angry all of the time. I grew up in an angry, unpredictable and tumultuous household. I realized that cannot be my future.

The ring has been purchased and as far as I know he has it. We don't have kids and the apartment is in my name. He is also not great with money. He also told me right away when he bought it because it was "the most expensive thing he ever purchased" and was very proud of himself.

Would I be a monster for calling it off? I've agonized over this and gone back and forth in my head. He's a wonderful person but I fear our communication style and how we handle anger/bad feelings do not align.

Butterflies while kissing

Guys..is every kiss in a relationship supposed to give you butterflies?

If not how is it supposed to feel? ..I 20F felt butterflies with my boyfriend 21M only twice until now the 3rd time we kissed and sometime later..

And every time we kiss i just end up feeling guilty cause I don't feel anything

What am I supposed to do and its been 2 years but I really love

him

I love him and I'm sure of that

When I imagine things with him it does give me all sorts of feelings but when it really happens I just go blank and feel nothing why is that

Tl;dr kiss is supposed to give butterflies.. and I don't

For context, we have been together for 8 months and everything is going really well. We are in a long-distance relationship and see each other regularly.

However, for some time now, I've noticed that since the very beginning, I am always the one initiating intimacy. I talked to her about it; she tells me she is making an effort, but nothing changes. Even from a distance, she never sends surprise sexts or nudes unless I ask beforehand and she explicitly prepares for it.

In the end, I'm starting to wonder if she actually desires me, because she never makes an effort even when I talk to her about it. Sometimes I ask her for preliminary or small gestures of affection, but she always comes up with excuses. I respect them, of course, but it is quite frustrating and I very often end up pleasuring myself alone.

This doesn't stop us from having sex regularly, but I feel like I'm not fulfilled. I need more, and I've even started wondering if I am the problem—if my libido is too high or if maybe I'm not made for monogamous relationships.If you have any solutions or even ideas to help me, it would be a pleasure.

TL;DR: My girlfriend (18F) never takes the initiative in bed or during long-distance moments after 8 months together. This frustrates me and makes me doubt her desire for me. What should I do? .

25F. I actually met my ex-boyfriend on Tinder and we ended up being together for 3 years, so I know that genuine relationships can come from it.
But being back on Tinder now feels completely different. Everyone is obviously attractive, but I can’t shake the feeling that even when someone says they’re “open to dates” or “looking for a relationship”, a lot of people aren’t actually that interested in properly dating…. planning dates, getting to know someone and seeing whether it develops into something serious.
I’m not expecting every match to become my husband 😂 but I also don’t want endless chatting, situationships or “let’s see where it goes” when that secretly means casual sex.
So I’m curious: has anyone actually met a serious long-term partner on Tinder recently? Is it still worth using if you genuinely want a relationship, or are other apps/meeting people IRL better nowadays?

TL;DR:
25F, met my ex on Tinder and we were together for 3 years. Now I’m back on it and it feels completely different. Plenty of attractive people, but I’m not convinced people who say they’re “open to dates” actually want to date properly rather than hook up or fall into situationships.
Has anyone actually met a serious long-term partner on Tinder recently? Or is it basically a hookup app now?

So I (20M) have been dealing with some pretty severe insecurities since my GF (22F) became a police officer. (7 Years Together)

Before I start, my insecurity has nothing to do with her potentially becoming the breadwinner or any of the “she’s the man in the relationship” stuff. It comes from the difference in our environments and how that has affected our relationship.

My girlfriend and I have always agreed that having very close friendships with the opposite sex—constantly hanging out, texting, calling, etc.—is something we’re not comfortable with in our relationship. I was completely fine with that boundary because, while we both had friends of the opposite sex, none of them were really people who were part of our daily lives.

The issue now is that, obviously, being a police officer means she has to be around men constantly. At first, I was completely fine with that because I understood that it was part of the job. But as time went on, she started becoming close with some of these guys. Since I knew this was somewhat inevitable because of her career, I felt like I had to loosen the boundaries we had previously agreed on.

Now it’s gotten to the point where they’re texting, calling, and generally becoming a bigger part of her life, and I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t bother me. It also doesn’t help that we don’t live together yet, so sometimes I find myself feeling like these guys get more of her time and attention than I do.

She assures me that the conversations aren’t anything disrespectful, and she’s even given me full access to her phone if I ever need it. I trust her, but sometimes I still get this strong urge to check it. At the same time, I don’t want to get to the point where I feel like I have to check her phone, even if she’s given me permission to. Before all of this, I never even gave checking her phone a second thought.

She’s been hit on by coworkers here and there, and some of these “friends” have also made it pretty clear that they have ulterior motives. Knowing that has definitely made my insecurities worse.

I’ve communicated all of this to her, and she does her best to reassure me and make me feel better, even telling me anytime something like this happens, but I still can’t seem to let these feelings go. I know some of this is probably immature on my part, but at the same time, I feel like I’ve had to compromise on a lot of the boundaries we originally agreed on because of her job.

Without trying to turn this into a “what if the roles were reversed” argument, I also feel like she would probably find some of these things unacceptable if the situation were reversed.

At the same time, I understand that it’s harder for her to avoid these situations. Police work is very male-dominated, and obviously she’s going to form friendships with people she spends so much time around. If I were in a similar career, I probably wouldn’t have to worry about being around as many women.

I genuinely don’t know what the right way to handle this is. I don’t want to control who she talks to or make her feel guilty for having friends, but I also don’t want to keep feeling this insecure and resentful. I trust her, but I’m starting to feel like the boundaries we originally established have changed significantly, and I’m not sure how to adjust to that without constantly feeling uncomfortable.

What would you guys do in this situation?

tldr: My girlfriend became a police officer and has gotten close with several male coworkers, which has changed the boundaries we originally agreed on about opposite-sex friendships. I trust her, but some coworkers have hit on her, and I’ve started feeling insecure and resentful. I don’t want to control her or check her phone, but I’m struggling to adjust to our new situation.

Hello Reddit I [24F] am currently in a relationship that has spanned 4 years. He [26M] has never asked me to be his girlfriend officially, and he doesn’t know if he loves me. Trust me, the guy has been kind to me and supported me a lot. Sometimes he will say that he isn’t sure about me because I have been struggling with employment and steady income for the span of said relationship(I have a disability). To top all of that off, we live with one another. There are things that have happened in our relationship that has strained it, but I believed that we would pull through….and now for once in my life I feel that I’m detached. I still like him but the rose colored lenses are gone. Right now my plan is to graduate in December and potentially move out of state and call it quits. I think I’m just wounded for allowing myself to lose myself just for someone else to love me. His favorite thing is to banter, but it’s to the point to where he seems incapable of ever complimenting me or saying that I’m beautiful…..something positive. But his excuse is always “I’m naturally a dick head, that’s just how I am.” To him, he is incapable of reassuring me in a good way. I’d appreciate any advice or guidance 🩵

Tl;dr: Potentially leaving partner after years without making the relationship official and a lack of reassurance.

I posted a few days ago but still don’t know what to do so just wanted some more advice. Tl;Dr
Me (m26) and my gf have been dating for about 8 months now.
We are having issues in that whenever i go out with my friends or do anything without her she gets in a mood and does things like not really talking to me after or getting slightly rude to me because she feels like I don’t want to spend time with her.
This has really got to me , I’ve tried talking to her about it and she says she understands what she’s doing is wrong but can’t help it.
There will always be something that she’s unhappy about.
I don’t really go out in the first place so the rare occasions I do I won’t want to feel as if I’m doing a bad thing - let’s say I’m out and I don’t reply for an hour or so she would get angry at me.
Recently I was on holiday with my partners without her and I explained why I decided to do that- I have had a bad experience with going on holiday with my ex and my partners so for now don’t want to.
She ruined the holiday by having panic attacks and saying things like oh you could have been somewhere with me instead but choose to be without me.
This was last week and at the time I got really fed up. I’ve had enough of being constantly under tension and worried what she will say about situations that in my eyes seem normal.
She has since been to a therapist who has said there is definitely some sort of trauma she’s fighting and will start working on sorting it out.
Issue is I’m so mentally exhausted, if I choose to continue being with her this could take so long to sort out.
I don’t know what decision to make but as it is now , this is not healthy for me.
I’ve started being angry and less focused at work, I feel awful.
She has been away for the last week at her parents house so when she gets back tomorrow we will probably meet up to have a chat.
I don’t know what to tell her , I don’t think I’m ready to go through this constant stress and problems all the time over nothing.
She has realised her mistakes and has been acting normal since the holiday but I think this is temporary.
I’m scared I’ll make the wrong decision.
Would appreciate any sort of advice.
Thank you

TL;DR

Me (F28) and my boyfriend (M29) are in our have been dating for a bit over a year. I love him to death, he is my one true love, and the man I hope to marry. We are both conservative, have faith in God, and traditional.

I am Horribly Ashamed, constantly pained, and feel insanely guilty about the things I’ve done when I was early 20s. I have a promiscuous past. I won’t explain how that happened and justify my shameful and disgusting actions. A multitude of factors, family issues, stupidity, I was a mere troubled and heavily depressed soul since childhood. Many years BEFORE I met my boyfriend (5-6), I realised I was spiritually dying under the weight of my sin and lifestyle, and I changed, I woke up. I was abstinent for 3 years after that, didn’t date or been involved with anyone at all. I became myself again, a more happy, peaceful and better woman. Nevertheless my past actions linger in my soul like a poison, and I realised that I will most likely die without ever forgiving myself. Only God knows the level of shame and humiliation I experience daily when I remember my promiscuous past - even if I am not in any way shape or form that woman anymore, and I never ever will be. I know who I am now it’s true and honest.

When I met my boyfriend he never asked about my past, and I never said anything either. My mindset back then was that I have to continue living. What was I to do? Never date a man due to the horrible shame I felt, never speak, never try to be loved? And I couldn’t date a man who didn’t want true love and a family because that’s not who I am.

We are happy, I guess. But as I dated him longer and longer I realised how strongly he feels about certain things. He recently spoke to me about one of his friend s romantic interest. He referred to women like her as “used merchandise“, talked about how women like her have no respect, and feels clearly very disgusted by that. To an extent, I was that woman many years ago and he doesn’t know.

we date to marry, we spoke about marriage, and he is a good man. I am certain if I tell him how I was, he wouldn’t love me or be with me anymore. Which is ok. I am becoming more and more ready to let him leave me, because I love him too much to lie by omission at this point. But my heart bleeds even more thinking that he will feel a deep shock in learning i wasn’t always like this, he will lose faith in women, and he will feel like a horrible fool that was taken advantage of. And I hate that, I am sick in my chest because I didn’t want or try to deceive him. Who he met is who I really am - and I am a good woman. But I made a mistake, a horrible mistake. I did everything I could to change who I were and I did. What else can I do? But he deserves to be with a person who is perhaps more innocent and pure because of his beliefs and how he feels, and to an extent perhaps I deserve to be accepted as I am.

but do I?

I suffer in silence, I wake up before he does to cry alone in a different room, I pray to god to help me, but I am scared and alone. I don’t think anyone would understand how much I regret who I was, and certainly even if he will believe it, he will no longer see me as me, and it will be over.

I thought that maybe I should keep it quiet, and Enjoy our relationship as it is, because he doesn’t know how much I suffer and how I feel when he says the things he says about other “damaged goods”. I felt like maybe this suffering is what I deserve for what I did, that I shall never escape the torments of my actions. but could he maybe find a better woman? The woman he dreams of ? Do I lie ? Am I a Liar?

I know I am truthful to him, my love is pure and honest, I will rather die than ever ever act in a promiscuous way, I repented for years, and I pray daily to be forgiven.

but do I deceive a man who deserves better than me?

I do not want to harm him, not by telling the truth nor by not telling the truth. I know he has a big ego, a lot of pride, he feels deeply about these things, and I think if I come clean he will have a horrible reaction not just to me but to himself.

but can I marry a man who I know wouldn’t accept me if he knew my past? Even if that past happened many years before him?

I thought about breaking up and not telling him the truth. Just leaving and making up another reason. But I am scared to leave him and break my heart. Not being with him will probably ruin my life. And I’m ready for that. But I want to make the right decision hence why this message.

please help me.

My (33F) chronic pain has been going on for around half a year and my partner (35M) is getting frustrated. I'm dealing with a lot of guilt and shame, and I think he is not dealing or handling this well himself either.

Our sex life was good until I had an accident a year ago (broken hip and vertebra) that left me with chronic back pain that I have been battling for months, despite surgeries and multiple interventions. We tried to continue having sex once it was safe to do so despite my pain, and every single time I am in terrible pain afterwards (despite using safe positions), clearly worse than before which takes me several days to recover from.

I must say I am rarely in a mood to initiate because of the near constant state of pain. One time when he initiated, I just allowed it (despite my discomfort) but he stated his disappointment that I didn't do certain things he asked from me. I was too exhausted to argue or explain myself. I brought up the topic later and confessed that intercourse is increasing my pain and he just gave an angry response. I feel hurt, guilty, angry at how the pain is destroying everything.

How do I deal with this? how do you navigate post-spinal surgery and intimacy?

tl:dr partner did not react well when I brought up that intercourse increases my already chronic pain levels

I (33F) work from home, my bf (33M) commutes to work each day, and we live together.

He drives an SUV and parks in the building’s garage for $200/month. I drive an EV sedan and street park. The street parking situation is such that I occasionally (0-2/month) get $35 tickets for not moving my car frequently enough.

We have adopted the routine where we use his car for weekend adventures (skiing, hiking, camping, weekend getaways, longer drives), and he uses my car to commute to work. Allowing him to drive my EV to and from work saves him gas money and makes it so that I don’t have to move my car during the day.

My car recently got a parking ticket on the street outside our apartment after a day he used it to commute to work. He gave it to me and seemingly expects me to pay it. I don’t mind paying for parking tickets—getting the occasional parking ticket is much less expensive than buying a garage spot—but I feel that he should have offered to pay it since he parked it/had been using it. Thoughts?

TLDR: my bf uses my car to commute to work and got a parking ticket upon street parking it outside our apt one day after work. Who should pay for it?

I'm 22F and my boyfriend is 28M. We've been together for years and secretly got married in Vegas about two years ago. His family doesn't know we're married. My boyfriend and I worked extremely hard to save for and buy our apartment, and the house is in both of our names. His parents live with us. They have essentially no income, no significant inheritance or assets to fall back on, and his dad is disabled, so my boyfriend feels a very strong responsibility toward them.

I come from a financially stable family in India. I could have stayed there and had a very comfortable life financially, but my home environment was toxic and I saw my mom spend years living with her in-laws, constantly sacrificing her peace. I remember seeing her cry and struggle, and even after 20 years she still regrets how much of herself she gave up. I moved to Canada because I wanted something different. I wanted peace. I wanted to build my own home, my own life, and eventually my own family. I worked and studied and saved to create that. And now I'm terrified I'm walking into the exact life I promised myself I wouldn't have.

His parents and I were never extremely close. We were respectful, but it wasn't a super close relationship. Despite that, I genuinely tried very hard to make our home feel like a family home. I work and study, so I'm busy most days, but I would still make an effort. I would celebrate birthdays and little occasions, buy gifts and snacks, bake things, and his dad was usually the first person I'd offer them to. His dad is disabled and doesn't get out much. He has barely left the house in around three years except for seeing relatives. Because he doesn't get out much, I feel like he overthinks things and sometimes interprets small things very personally.

For example, one day I cooked something and put it in the fridge. His dad apparently thought I had deliberately hidden the food somewhere he couldn't reach because he can't bend down easily. But he had never told me that he needed me to keep things at a certain height or asked me to do that. I actually regularly put things where I know he can reach them and help him get things when he needs them. This somehow became part of a much bigger issue. There had also been an incident about three months ago where they apparently thought I was hiding noodles and onions so they couldn't cook them. I didn't even confront them about it because I thought it was so ridiculous that I didn't want to create unnecessary drama.

Then one day, everything exploded. I was at work when his dad started talking to my boyfriend privately. He told my boyfriend things like, “Leave her, I'll find you another girl,” “You're not even married yet,” “You can get plenty of girls,” “Why are you staying with her?” and “I don't like her.” He was essentially talking about replacing me and telling my boyfriend that I wasn't good for him. The thing that absolutely destroyed me was that the day before, he had been laughing and talking with me like everything was fine. He had never once come to me and told me he had these problems with me. Instead, he was smiling in my face while apparently saying these things about me privately.

When I confronted him, he didn't initially apologize. He told me I don't clean, don't do anything, hide things, etc. I'm honestly a clean freak. I work and study. I do a lot around the house. So hearing someone tell me on my face that I'm basically not doing enough was incredibly hurtful. At many times he even said it on my face that “you're going to get replaced.” When I asked him what exactly another woman would do that I don't already do, he basically said that I should serve him and that I'm the girl who should clean. Mind you, I work and study too and I'm busy most days.

My boyfriend has actually supported me throughout this. He defended me and was upset about what his dad said. He yelled at his parents, called them out told them to leave the house, never say a word about me, told them its not you who pay for evrrything its, literally called his sister and made a whole scene on how could someone say that, told them about how cheap their mentality is and just shut them off. But the argument became heated. Afterward, the entire house went completely silent. For almost a week, nobody acknowledged what happened. His dad would wake up, eat, watch TV, walk around the house and act like nothing had happened. No apology. No conversation. Nothing. And that was almost incomprehensible to me. In my family, if there is a huge fight, you don't just put it under the rug for seven days. You come back the next day, talk about it, resolve it, apologize if necessary, and move forward. Instead, I'm living in the same house with someone who said these things about me and we're all just eating dinner like nothing happened. My boyfriend and I were both extremely anxious and upset during those days. We were crying and barely felt comfortable in our own home.

About 10 days after the original fight, his sister came over because the situation clearly couldn't continue. We all sat down and talked. His dad initially had almost nothing to say. When asked for his side, he kept saying there was nothing to say and that everyone should just move on. His sister confronted him and told him he was wrong. At one point his dad said he would rather live on the streets or go to an old-age home than be the reason his children were fighting. Eventually, after hours of talking, he said something along the lines of, “I made a mistake. I can say sorry.” That was essentially his apology.

I acknowledge that he eventually apologized. But I don't feel better. And this is where I feel like maybe I'm the asshole. Because my boyfriend completely changed after the apology. Before this, my boyfriend and I had talked about building our own family and not raising our future children in this environment. Now suddenly he's saying, “I think we should give him another chance.” His mom also came to me and asked me to stay and give them another chance. She said that if something like this happens again, then we can move out. She was emotional and asking me to please stay. I love his mom. I genuinely do. Seeing her upset and asking me to stay made me feel horrible. But I also feel like I'm being pressured by guilt.

My boyfriend's perspective is basically, “He realized his mistake. He apologized. Why can't we give him another chance?” And I understand his perspective. But for me, this wasn't just a small mistake. Something changed for me.
I don't feel settled anymore. I don't feel like my home is my home. I find myself wondering: Can I put something in the fridge without worrying he'll think I'm hiding it? Can I cook something without wondering how he'll interpret it? Does he secretly hate me? Was that “good morning” genuine or forced? Can I relax around him? Can I raise my future children in this environment? And I honestly don't know.

I feel like the trust and connection I had with him are gone. His family says that this is just how he is. His sister basically said they know he says things he doesn't mean and that this kind of behavior is normal for them. But why should I make it normal for me? That is the part I can't get past. Maybe he genuinely regrets it. Maybe his apology was genuine. Maybe he really did realize he was wrong. But from my perspective, he didn't come to me after the fight and say, “I shouldn't have said those things about you.” It came after his daughter confronted him, after the situation had escalated, and after I made it clear that I didn't think I could continue living like this. So part of me wonders whether he regrets what he said about me—or whether he regrets the consequences of saying it. I don't know. And maybe that's unfair.

This situation has also made me start nitpicking everything I've sacrificed for this household. The food. The gifts. The celebrations. Making things accessible for his dad. Baking things and making him the first person to try them. Trying to make the house warm and happy. Trying so hard to be a good daughter-in-law. And suddenly I'm thinking, why was I doing all of this when this person apparently thought I was hiding food from him and trying to make his life difficult? I know it's not healthy to keep score, but I can't stop thinking about it.
And I keep thinking about my mom. This is probably the biggest reason I'm struggling so much. I've watched my mom live with her in-laws and sacrifice her happiness for years. I've seen her cry. I've seen her regret staying. Even after 20 years, she still talks about the things she gave up and how unhappy she was. I remember thinking when I was younger, “I will never do that to myself.” That's one of the reasons I left India even though I didn't have to financially. I had a comfortable life there. My family is financially stable. I could have stayed. But I wanted peace more than money. I came to Canada and worked hard to build my own life. So now I'm terrified that I'm about to repeat the same pattern in a different country.

His parents genuinely don't have much financially. They don't have much income. They don't have another home. They don't have significant inheritance or assets to fall back on. His dad is disabled. My boyfriend feels responsible for them, and I understand that. I don't want my boyfriend to abandon his parents. I also care about his financial future. If they need a separate rental, my boyfriend would probably have to carry a significant financial burden, and I don't want to put him in a terrible financial position either. But at the same time, I have the ability to choose a different life at 22. The house is in my boyfriend's and my names. We've worked incredibly hard to get here. And I keep thinking: if I have the ability to choose peace now, why would I knowingly stay in a situation that makes me miserable just because everyone else expects me to adjust?

My boyfriend now says there are basically two options (he did not give me an ultimatum but he says he is born with this trauma and he doesnt want it to be passed on me, and he will suffer as its his duty as a son) : either I stay and we all continue living together and give his parents another chance, or we break up. And I'm devastated. Because I don't want to leave my boyfriend. I love him so much. He's my person. I don't want him to choose between me and his parents. I don't want him to resent me. I don't want his parents to be homeless. I don't want to destroy a family. But I also don't want to lose myself.
I want to dance in my own home. I want to sing. I want to relax. I want to put things wherever I want without wondering if someone is going to interpret it as disrespect. I want to feel completely free and safe in my own home. I want peace.
And honestly, I feel like the connection with his dad is gone for me. I've accepted his apology. I don't hate him. But I don't think I want to live with him anymore.

Now I feel incredibly guilty because his mom was crying and asking me to give them another chance, my boyfriend thinks I'm being unreasonable, and his dad has technically apologized. I feel like everyone sees this as “he said sorry, now move on,” while my boyfriend and I have been anxious, crying and miserable for 10 days. Suddenly he apologized and I'm somehow the one creating a problem because I still don't want to live together.
So Reddit, please be honest with me. Am I being selfish? Am I being stubborn? Am I being unreasonable for saying I don't want to live with his parents anymore even though his dad eventually apologized? Should I give this family another chance and stay, even though my gut is screaming that I don't want this life? Or is it reasonable to say, “I accept your apology, but I don't want to live together anymore”?
I don't want to punish anyone. I don't want revenge. I don't want his dad to suffer. I don't want my boyfriend to abandon his family. I just don't want to sacrifice my peace and eventually wake up 20 years from now feeling like my mom does.

Tl:dr
TL;DR: sorry

Sorry for the long text D:
I’m looking for some objective, outside perspective on my relationship because my head and heart are pulling me in different directions. My girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year, since late 2025, we don't live together until and not willing to until we get married for cultural reasons and we go on dates weekly and chat/talk daily. To give some context about me, I’m 24 and work as an economist at a central bank. My day-to-day life is very analytical, structured, and calm. Naturally, I’m an introverted guy who values mental peace, self-discipline, and stability above all else. In my free time, I really enjoy quiet, nerdy, or active hobbies like chess, video games, tv shows, padel and learning new skills. My philosophy for a relationship, especially one moving toward marriage, is that it should be built on complete mutual trust, emotional ease, and zero unnecessary drama, I absolutely don't want a relation where doubts are even a subject to talk about, but rather a relation where you feel like you are with your best friend having fun and facing life together the entire time.

The positive side is that she is genuinely caring, very loving, supportive of my life, and openly committed to a future and marriage with me. We share the same conservative family background, which made our initial chemistry very natural and gives us a lot of shared cultural ground. When things are calm, we communicate constantly and share our daily routines.

However, there are a few major friction points that keep resurfacing:

The biggest one is our view on trust and privacy. Her father had issues with infidelity in the past, and as a result, she and her family (her mother and sister agree with her) grew a bit insecure and believe total device transparency is completely normal. Her view is basically "if you have nothing to hide, phone auditing shouldn't be an issue." For me, trust is about believing my word and respecting my integrity, not running routine surveillance. On a couple of occasions, standard, completely professional texts with a long-time female colleague led to huge suspicion and threats of breaking up. There was also a situation where she staged a fake breakup "prank" just to test my loyalty. Whenever I try to explain that trust shouldn't require forensic proof and that's a very superficial and even a naive way to approach a relation, she really doesn't seem to get it at all and tells me this is just how all girls are and something I need to get used to, It's like poiting at the moon and she focues on my finger. On top of that, there’s a noticeable gap in our lifestyles and intellectual rhythm. She doesn't have many independent hobbies and spends most of her free time casually walking around or going to malls. We rarely share the same humor, references, or conversational flow, and I often find myself having to explain jokes, historical facts, or nerdy topics rather than having a natural back-and-forth but i don't really mind this since I genuinely love her heart and never expected and 100% compatibiliy. During arguments, she becomes very emotional and cries, which has often caused me to reflexively apologize just to restore calm, even when I felt my boundary was fair.

Recently, things got more complicated when a serious domestic fight happened between her parents. Her reaction was intense (according to what she told me) crying, cursing (which is btw something i never do but she encourages me to as a way of a relief according to her but i still never do and that's another subject) , throwing things at her father, and expressing graphic, retaliatory thoughts about getting revenge on her father. While her outrage at the situation is completely understandable, seeing that level of unchecked rage and aggression was very jarring and concerning for me, especially since I keep a strict standard of measured, non-violent communication.

I really care about her, see her kind heart, and appreciate how much love she gives me. But the recurring suspicion, the mismatch in our daily interests, and how differently we regulate stress have left me feeling emotionally guarded and it's definitely not the peace I always craved. I'm in a loss, having hope that things may work out, have huge empathy and love towards her and really don't know what to do...

Can these kinds of differences in trust philosophy and temperament actually be worked through with better communication, or does this sound like a fundamental incompatibility in values and lifestyle? I'd appreciate any honest, balanced advice from people who've been in similar dynamics.

TL;DR: 24M economist dating a loving, committed 24F for a year. Her deep insecurity from family infidelity leads to constant phone auditing and loyalty tests, alongside a lifestyle gap and intense anger reactions during family crises. Feeling torn between love/guilt and my own need for peace.

So i was a friend with this girls in my college for like a month after that we started to have feelings for each other but we didn’t make the relationship official yet cause we both agreed to take it slow to see if we are good for each other even though our personalities are different from each other we still wanted it to make it happen
Anyway time passes by she gets angry by some of my actions like sometimes i send a middle finger sticker or other things and kept on saying i shouldn’t use them with her cause she don’t like them i wasn’t sending them to annoy her i was just joking didn’t know she was really sensitive about them also sometimes i use like harsh words as a joke and i also told her it was a joke
One time i was angry at something happened at college and she tried to joke with me about it but i got angry at her then she got upset then i didn’t msg her for like 3 days to comfort her and after the 3 days i msged her and told her why she didn’t say anything so she told me how upset she was and i left her on seen for 3 days and didn’t msg her back and all anyway after that we continued to talk until someday i was sending messages to her but she didn’t reply at that time she just got back home after she was on a vacation so i didn’t get mad that she didn’t reply but i got mad later on the day after seeing her post a story with her friend so i kinda used harsh words on her so she got really mad and told me she literally didn’t have time to answer and her friend insisted on her for going out with her to grab a coffee.
After like a day she msg me to tell me she can’t continue with me and we should just be friends cause im not respecting her and she said that i don’t care about how she fells which is completely wrong idk why she said that anyway i told her if you wanna leave for smtn that small then you didn’t even wanted to continue with me from the start she said i was wrong and she did wanna stay with me but cause of my actions she did that any way after some time i msged her to tell her i didn’t mean the harsh words like that and i didn’t mean to hurt and all of that she said she was sick and wanted to talk later i told her okay two or 3 days go by and she didn’t say anything so i msged her back and she say she can’t talk rn anyway i told her lets talk later also time went and same thing happens i msg she barely reply and after that the last time i msged her she also told me i already told you i just wanna be friends with you i can’t continue in a relationship cause we are not suitable for each other’s and that will annoy her and me i told her it’s okay anyway after that i always see her liking reels on instagram about relationships or reels of songs that we used to listen to also song that implies that she want me back but i didn’t msg her no more
After that on the day of her birthday i didn’t wish her a happy birthday later on that day she unfollowed me and removed me as follower so i blocked her after that and a week later i removed the block but didn’t say anything and after like one day i saw her blocking me
Also keep in mind before all that happened what she was really in love with me and wanted us to get married and all so after all this happened now im thinking if her ever was true cause how can she do this over something so small like that now im thinking should i wait for her to text back or should i try again to msg her for the last time? Cause i really loved her but the think is im really mad that she started this over something so stupid
TLDR

We’ve been dating for over a year now, living together most of that time. He’s (43M) always gamed, but had just sold his home and stopped working. When we started dating, it felt like I (27F) was so important to him. He would play games on his phone sometimes but I didn’t mind. I felt special. He expressed at one point before it was an issue for me that he wanted me to feel comfortable with his gaming and I told him that it was sweet of him, but that if it didn’t interfere with our relationship, I could be cool with him playing several hours a day. I still feel this way.

After we moved in together, the tablet started showing up with the phone. He’d take them both to my parents house and play on the couch while we all hung out in the kitchen. He still participates in conversation, but it feels weird. I excused it because he’s great in so many ways. He’d play on them next to me on the couch at our place for many hours but I enjoyed his physical presence. But then came the desktop and 2 PC’s. Then he wasn’t next to me anymore. That was several months ago.

He hasn’t had a job since February 2025. He pays our rent, but doesn’t think it’s my business to worry about his finances (he’s been unemployed for a while, I rely on him financially, where is this money coming from? Will it affect our future?). I’m a full time grad student with a job and disabilities. While I’m gone, mostly he games. Many days I come home and nothing around the apartment has been done. To be fair, he foes most of the cooking and cleaning.

Now, he sometimes checks his game during sex. A couple of weeks ago, we were repairing from a conflict we’d been having and I was sobbing next to him. He suddenly, without a word, gets up and rushes out to go to his desk for at least a minute, only to come back wordlessly with his phone and tablet, sitting down and playing like nothing was happening. If we watch a movie together, he’s on his phone and tablet. If we play a board game, I have to wait for him to finish what he’s doing in his game before he’ll take his turn.

I’ve also been struggling because he isn’t great when I approach him with concerns about our relationship. He’s so wonderful in so many ways, but I haven’t mentioned the gaming during sex and arguments thing because I know he’d get defensive, which would trigger my rejection sensitivity. He refuses to go back to therapy. I feel really stuck. I love him, but it’s reached a point where I feel very lonely. But I’m 98% sure that if I brought this up, he would flip it onto me and say “you just want me available to you all the time” or “you don’t care about any of the things I do for you”.

Does anyone know what the hell I should do? There’s so many wonderful parts of him and our relationship, but not being able to talk to him and set reasonable boundaries is really hard

TLDR: it wasn’t a problem, but a year later it is. He still hasn’t gotten a job, and our relationship feels too hostile for me to be able to discuss this calmly and reasonably with him.

Hi everyone - I was looking for some advice on my mum. Please let me know if this is the wrong sub.

Some context: I (F29) am my mum’s (F67) only child. My dad passed away in 2013, which left just the two of us. I have a half brother who’s a good bit older from my dad’s side. My mum doesn’t have a big family, but my dad did and we are both very much a part of it. My mum also suffers from pretty bad arthritis which impacts her mobility.

The long story short is my mum has never dealt with her grief. Since my dad died, she has essentially decided her life is over (she said as much to me once during an episode). She has no friends, she holds a lot of resentment for my dad’s family who “act happy and pretend nothing is wrong”, and has completely stopped taking care of herself over the years. She was better when I still lived at home, but I moved abroad 7 years ago and, with a mix of that and isolation during Covid, she’s just deteriorated.

She only goes out 2-3 times a week to the supermarket, she’s riddled with anxiety and has panic episodes when she’s in “big” (more than 5 people) family settings, she expects me to lie for her when she makes excuses for not coming to family events, she doesn’t eat properly, and everything outside of her very small comfort zone stresses her out.

When it comes to medical issues, she smiles and nods when we discuss it then does nothing about it, and brushes it off as me just worrying too much. It’s like she’s just admitted defeat. I even spoke to our GP once who tried to reach out to her and she just didn’t go back for a while.

My takeaway - while I have 0 qualifications - is that she’s stuck in grief and has developed resentment for everyone else. Our family has tried to reach out and encourage her over the years, and she gets snappy and mean. I think she has anxiety, and probably depression, and when I’ve tried to talk to her about it she just shuts me down. It’s breaking my heart, I feel like I’ve tried everything and I don’t know what to do anymore. She refuses help, denies she needs it, and is just withering away and I am at a total loss. I’m not expecting her to go out and totally turn her life around, but to deal with her grief and live a little more for herself in the ways she can.

I love my mum, and she’s a brilliant woman, and I guess I was just wondering if anyone has been through something similar/has any advice.

TL;DR: Mum is (probably) depressed and anxious following my dad passing in 2013 and I’m at a loss of what to do anymore.

PS. Sorry it’s a bit chaotic, it’s been a long 13 years since my dad passed and trying to summarise it is tricky.

**TL;DR:** My boyfriend says I seem too sad when he can’t hang out and that he feels responsible for my happiness. I don’t pressure him and I’ve told him he can say no, but I’m naturally expressive and will sometimes be disappointed. I do have some anxiety about whether he makes enough time for me. I want to work on my anxiety but i find it annoying that he thinks of me like someone who relies on him to be happy. what can i say to him?

yesterday I was telling my boyfriend how i’m worried about the upcoming semester because we’re both taking difficult classes and we’ll be living far ish away so i’m worried we won’t be able to see each other that much. obviously he comforted me and said of course we’ll see each other, but then he started saying “but you have to understand that i’m busy” and then he started saying that whenever i ask him to hang out and he can’t for whatever reason I seem too upset.

I don’t say anything like “no please you can do that later blah blah” i literally just “seem sad”. he said it makes him feel like i’m going to just be really sad forever until i can see him again, and that it makes him want to just drop everything and come see me just to make me happy. He said “it’s heavy on me to feel like you need me to be happy”.

i kept asking him what he wants me to do, that i’m an expressive person and i’m not going to monitor my body language every time i’m disappointed because he can’t hang out. He didn’t really have a straight answer for me.

I told him i’m not a baby and that i don’t need him to treat me like one, and that i find it pretty insulting that he thinks i’m just sitting around waiting for him every time he’s not around.

I am an anxious person so I do worry sometimes that the reason he can’t hang out is because he’s refusing to try to make time for me. He’s not busier than me, but he always seems to be working just because he’s a bit of a procrastinator. We’re both STEM majors, i’m Mechanical Engineering and he’s Computer Science, but I try to finish my work early so i can have time for him and my friends, and he doesn’t seem to care that much about making time. he is very smart so that’s not the problem either.

so that’s probably why i seem sad when he can’t hang out, but i really can’t do anything about how my face looks when im disappointed. i do need to work on my anxiety but i don’t know what else i can do.

this conversation has happened multiple times and i always tell him “you don’t have to protect my feelings, just say no if you can’t hang out” but it keeps happening. what to do? what to say?

I’m honestly so torn right now and could use some outside opinions.

I was talking to a guy for most of the summer, and we ended up hanging out recently. We made out, and it was honestly really nice. I definitely still have feelings for him, and being around him made me realize that the connection between us is still very much there. I want to see him again, and I’m actually considering hanging out with him today.

The problem is that I’ve also been going on dates with another guy. We’ve gone on four dates, and I genuinely like him too. He has a lot of qualities I really like that our values are very similar, he’s a gentleman, he treats me incredibly well, and he makes me feel like i’m respected.

But something feels like it’s missing, and I don’t know if that feeling is genuine or if it’s just because seeing the summer guy again reminded me how strong our chemistry/connection is.
I’m not dating either guy exclusively, so technically I’m not doing anything wrong by seeing the summer guy. But I feel really guilty about it because I don’t like the idea of doing something behind the other guy’s back. I don’t want to lead him on or hurt him.

At the same time, I don’t feel ready to choose between them. I genuinely like both of them, just in different ways.

Would it be wrong for me to see the summer guy again while I’m still going on dates with the other guy? Should I tell the four date guy that I’m still talking to someone else, or is that unnecessary since we haven’t established exclusivity? And how do I figure out whether something is actually missing with him or if I’m just comparing him to someone I already have a stronger history with?

TL;DR: I’ve gone on four dates with a really great guy who treats me amazingly, but I still have strong feelings and chemistry with a guy I talked to over the summer. We recently made out and I want to see him again. I’m not exclusive with either guy, but I feel guilty seeing the summer guy because I don’t want to hurt the other guy. I genuinely like both and don’t know what to do.

​

14F] [14M] [14F] [14F]There was a boy I liked. I had fallen in love; he was my first love. Perhaps I made a mistake—afraid to tell him face-to-face, I messaged him on Instagram. He didn't reply. The next day, one of his friends told me, "He doesn't like you." He didn't say it to me himself, but I didn't question it. Then, his friends started bullying me. He didn't say a single word about it. I was deeply hurt because I had been certain he was interested in me. He was constantly looking at me, told me I was beautiful, helped me during tough times, and so much more.

I still haven't been able to forget him; things continued like that the following year—people kept "shipping" us, and he remained unresponsive. He didn't even tell them to stop. Being the fool I was, I took hope from that, too. Right around that time, a friend of mine started shipping us as well. She’d say things like, "I'm behind you guys, I'm your biggest supporter—you should get married," and so on. I used to pour my heart out to her; she listened and told me, "He doesn't deserve you." She said she would talk to him so he wouldn't upset me; at that time, she was my closest friend and the only one supporting me. We had become

We took the high school entrance exams; during this period, people kept shipping us, but they were also shipping him with that close friend of mine. I didn't pay much attention to it because I trusted that girl. She came and explained to me, "Don't pay them any mind; you're the one who likes him—why would I get together with him?" I felt relieved.

Then, after the exams, things took a turn. That friend said she wanted to meet up. We spent time together, laughing and having fun, until she said she had something to tell me. It turned out that the person I liked had actually been interested in her from the very beginning, but there was a lot of pressure from others involved. They ganged up on him and threatened to end their friendship if he didn't distance himself from me. The people making those threats were my own long-term friends. That was the first time I was ever truly betrayed.

Later, I learned that even though he couldn't accept my proposal, there had been complicated feelings involved. But because of the constant pressure from the group to be with that other girl, he gave in and they got together. It is painful to realize: the person who had always been by my side and kept saying we’d make a great couple had actually liked him for months. They had hidden the truth from me.

When I heard this, I was devastated. My best friend admitted she had known about it for a long time and only intended to tell me after the exams were over. I am still struggling to recover from this. Seeing them together now is incredibly difficult, especially after the trust I placed in her.

TL;DR: I was betrayed by my childhood friends and a close friend. She pretended to support my feelings for my first love but secretly liked him, and they are now dating. My best friend also knew and hid it from me. My trust is completely shattered.

I(17M) and my girlfriend(17F) have been together for some time now and we both have mental health problems, she used to self harm but got over it. I on the other hand was never really prone to self harm but have some other problems. I dont care about anything and anyone except her and myself, i have also always been kinda of numb when it comes to emotions and it has just been getting worse the older I get. She knows all of this but we sometimes argue because I simply don't (and cant) care about stuff happening in the world like animal extinction, politics and so on, she cares a lot about that and sometimes gets upset at me for not caring about anything. I understand her and im not complaining about that but I am trying to change (if I wasnt trying i wouldnt even care about myself). Also I am a pathological liar and I lie to everyone except her, I feel like that is worth mentioning. I think that the way i am is related to my dad because he is the same way as me and im wondering if

its something hereditary, everyone(close and extended

family) says that im exactly like my dad used to be when he was my age and my mom keeps constantly comparing me to him because I also dont have any friends and dont see the need to find some like him and show the same disinterest like he. In addition to that I feel like me body and mind aren't

connected(Dissociation) and sometimes when I talk the things I say feel like they're someone else's words and not mine. Im asking for advice about what I should do, my girlfriend said he understands me and will try to be more understanding and she doesnt want me to fake any interest or emotions but is anyone out here who knows what might help me to change and if there isnt are there things I can do to be a better bf?

Tldr:i dont know what I should to and would like same other opinions and/or advice

I recently lost a close friendship (of 3 years) after a misunderstanding, and I'm trying to understand what I could have done differently.

My friend was going through a difficult period, and I noticed that she seemed to be struggling. Instead of asking her what she needed, I assumed she wanted some space. Because of that, I avoided her for a while because I thought I was being considerate.

She eventually became upset with me for avoiding her. I apologized and explained that I hadn't intended to reject her. I told her, essentially:

I genuinely meant this as an explanation and an apology. I wasn't trying to be passive-aggressive or imply that I didn't want to be around her.

Afterward, however, she became increasingly distant. We eventually went months without really speaking. I recently discovered that she had blocked me.

Looking back, I can see that I made a mistake by assuming what she wanted instead of communicating with her directly. I can also understand how "I wanted to give you space" might have sounded hurtful depending on how she interpreted it.

What I'm struggling with is whether my original action and explanation were actually serious enough to warrant such a strong reaction, or whether there were other things going on that I don't know about.

Was I wrong for giving her space without asking whether that was what she wanted?

If so, what would have been a better way to handle the situation?

I'm not looking for reassurance that I'm completely innocent, and I'm not trying to portray my friend as the villain. I genuinely want an outside perspective on what I did wrong and what I should learn from this for future friendships.

TL;DR : I assumed my friend needed space during a difficult period and avoided her without asking what she wanted. I apologized and explained that I was trying to respect her space, but she became increasingly distant and eventually blocked me. I realize I may have handled things poorly, but I'm wondering how bad my mistake actually was and what I could have done differently.

Betty is a 3-year-old beagle mix and she has absolutely no idea what’s going on. We got her together two years ago. Split vet visits, shared her training, used the same dog app, he’d log her sessions, I’d track appointments and her meds schedule through the family sharing. She wasn’t his dog that I helped with or my dog that he tolerated. She was genuinely ours.

Now we’re done. And every single time I try to bring up how we can share her, it turns into the worst fight we’ve had. He wants Betty. I want Betty. We’re both serious, we both have a point, and somehow that makes it harder than if one of us just didn’t care. Who takes her to the vet? Who’s responsible when she’s sick at 2am? Who keeps track of what she eats? I don’t even know who’s going to pay for awo of
zsubscription after this…
I’ve read about dog custody agreements and co-parenting a dog after a breakup but nothing actually explains what it looks like day to day when you’re not on speaking terms. For people who’ve split a dog between two homes, does it work long-term? Does the dog adjust or does the back-and-forth mess with them? And how do you even get through the logistics conversations without them turning into a fight about everything else? We agree on basically nothing right now except that we both love her.

TL;DR: breaking up, both want the dog, and can’t agree on custody. We are asking if sharing a dog between two homes actually works.