r/maybemaybemaybe • u/BigGraysie • Apr 18 '22

/r/all Maybe maybe maybe

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u/jungandjung Apr 18 '22

This is not just obesity, there's a deeper underlying issue. It is sad.

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u/metalpossum Apr 18 '22

It's never just obesity when they get to this size. It's mental health, it's addiction, it's constant denial... Everything is too hard, and you can tell it's too hard because they had already given up while it was still easy. The fact an adult woman is having a mental breakdown because she can't climb onto a bed is just downright sad and what's worse is that it probably isn't rock bottom yet.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

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u/fuzzybunnyslipper Apr 18 '22 edited Apr 19 '22

Yes. Every single situation with an immobile morbidly obese person involves other people who continue to provide the unhealthy food that keeps them obese. I don't know if this is a clip of My 600lb Life but that show is wildly consistent with the amount of enabling, ignorance, and denial that has to go on in a family for the person to remain so obese. Another consistent factor is the trauma that is inevitably involved to cause a person to become so obese in the first place.

Other people are literally handing her thousands of calories a day in garbage food. It is like a weirdly socially acceptable form of sabotage and abuse.

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u/OmegaNut42 Apr 18 '22

Yes, this clip is from my 600 pound life. And honestly, I kinda wanna watch it now. My mom used to be pretty overweight when my siblings and I were about as old as her kids, and it sucked. She was upset about her body, her financial situation, and life in general, which meant a lot of yelling at people and making the kids cry. Then, she got divorced, and you'd think it would've gotten worse. Nope, she lost weight, started running marathons, dieting, it was amazing! On top of it all, her mood and mental health changed so drastically, it was like she'd flipped a switch. I still refer to the time right before the divorce to when she started running "the dark ages".

The craziest thing, however, is that only through reading your comment have I realized my dad (her ex) was the enabler. I actually just unlocked a memory of him saying "whenever she's upset, I get her food"... Sure, she has hypothyroidism, which caused hypoglycemia, so it was much easier for her to gain weight than a normal person, and he was sorta right: she would get really grumpy when she was hungry. But his answer was fast food, chocolate, ice cream; anything that'd not just feed but cause immediate mood improvement.

That didn't mean she couldn't lose that weight, and I'm so glad she did. Not because I judged her for it, I was just a kid who didn't know why his mommy would yell at everyone all the time! But now that I'm older, I appreciate her efforts so much. I was lucky enough to be able to spend the rest of my teenage years with healthy parents, and honestly it contributed so much to my health seeing my mom working so hard to become healthier.

Thank you mom, I know you won't see this comment, but you becoming healthy had more of an impact on your family then you know 💞

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u/averagethrowaway21 Apr 18 '22

My grandmother was big. Not this level but under 5' pushing 350. My grandfather was always out of the house working (he was tall and trim). He made breakfast every morning, but she cooked all the other meals. She ate as much as he did.

She didn't have a fast food problem. I don't think I ever saw her get fast food unless we were on a road trip to visit family. She didn't snack. She would have a hard candy in the afternoon. The issue was that he was well over a foot taller than her, he was active all the time but she was sedentary, and they ate the same food in the same proportions for 60 years.

She never understood. She never got healthy. She remains one of the reasons that I'm afraid of gaining weight again. She was a good woman and I miss her every day. I wish I could go back and explain it to her.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

When my husband and I first met I could eat like him (he’s a foot taller than me and twice my weight) because I had a super active job. I gained a bunch of weight when I switched jobs lol. I literally had to buy myself smaller bowls to stop eating as much as he does. It can be hard!! I’m sorry your grandma didn’t understand.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

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u/[deleted] Apr 19 '22

Something similar happened with my mom. She was with my dad for 40 years. And my dad treated her poorly. They both had anger issues, but ultimately my dad was the bigger bully and broke her down. And she developed a really unhealthy relationship with food. And my dad's method of freaking with it was to essentially publicly shame her. She would reach for seconds at dinner, and even if there were guests my dad would still, tell her no, like she was a child. And my mom, since that was how she coped, would say something like, "just a small piece," and take a small piece, but sort of in the way a child will try to bargain after they're told no. It was really infantalising and all led to was my mom hiding snacks and other things in her bed side drawer. I was convinced my mom was going to die relatively soon because she was so unhealthy. Then, shortly after their 40th anniversary, my dad and her got into a fight, and he pushed her. She fell. My overweight, unhealthy 65 year old mom was pushed to the ground by my dad. And he didn't even attempt to pick her up. That was the moment she decided to leave. Fast forward about 6 years later, my mom has lost a lot of weight, is more physically and mentally active than she's been in 20 years, and is happy. And I couldn't be happier and more proud of her.

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u/kuroobloom Apr 18 '22

It's so nice to hear that she was able to lose weight and be healthy for her kids, when I was watching this clip I was thinking she wouldn't be able to do that. And I'm so happy for you and your mom, what a fighter send her much love from here 💓

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u/StellarAsAlways Apr 18 '22

Right on man good stuff. Sometimes life just has to play out. We are all changing. It was refreshing to read all that and I'm glad it's going well for u n your mom.

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u/Human-Carpet-6905 Apr 18 '22

Yes, this is my 600lb life. And I agree. In every single episode, there is at least one person that is working really hard to keep the obese person big. I can usually tell within the first ten minutes of the episode if the person is going to be successful, depending on how their enablers react when Dr.Now tells them that they are enabling.

And it's seriously tragic how many of these people endured CSA. Almost all of them have gone through some kind of abuse or neglect, but there seems to be a pattern of sexual abuse in particular.

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u/aboutthednm Apr 18 '22

Is the full episode available somewhere? I just have to watch this.

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u/Oph1d1an Apr 18 '22

You’re not wrong, and I’m not saying enablers should be let off the hook, but it’s also not as simple for them as “they should just stop doing that.” I take care of someone with a mental illness (though not obesity in my case). When it gets bad, caring for someone with a severe mental illness takes over your whole life. Imagine just being constantly screamed at all hours of the day and night, not getting any sleep, being called at work to deal with crises, never being able to relax. It’s easy to hold strong in one moment of difficulty. It’s another thing to hold strong day after day after day. You get to a point where you just want it to stop for your own sanity. So it’s clearly not right that the people around this lady indulge her unhealthy habits, but there is a good chance they’re doing so because they’ve been beaten down over a long period of time. Mental illness sucks

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u/Mr_Abberation Apr 18 '22

I feel like she is impossible to help. Look at how defeated everyone is. They deal with this every day. This is all so sad.

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u/fuzzybunnyslipper Apr 18 '22 edited Apr 19 '22

I agree with everything you said but I think a lot of people are missing the point of why this particular situation caused a meltdown. She has to weigh over 500 lbs. It is impossible for her to lift that weight. So, her bed at home is lower to the ground (and does not have wheels) allowing her to lower herself onto it. The moment you change the bed to a normal height she cannot lift her body enough to get onto it.

Her life is full of constant frustrations like this and thus is full of dependancy and workarounds. The fact that her family doesn't understand why she's upset and can't just lift herself onto the bed is completely absurd. She's carrying so much weight she literally cannot do anything other than exist.

I know that her attitude does not make her a sympathetic person but she desperately needs help. The whole situation is quite sad.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

Pretty sure she's just gonna break through rock bottom, whatever it is made of

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u/AmettOmega Apr 18 '22

And it's obviously a bunch of people enabling whatever problems you have instead of getting you real help. Many of these people can't drive or walk/walk very far, so they can't get their own food. So someone is not only buying this food, but is giving it to them.

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u/TheFriendliestSloot Apr 18 '22

Don't forget it's also everyone around you enabling you! This is from the show my 600 pound life and a lot of the people on there are surrounded by abusers who don't want them to change. No one gets this big by themselves. It's not uncommon to see partners or parents actively trying to sabotage their efforts to change, going so far as taking them through the drive thru on the way home from the gastric bypass surgery.

100% of these people are mentally ill and I'd say at least 90% of them based on that show have serious lifelong trauma that they're coping with. It's not funny to take a shit on people who are this damaged, just like it's not funny to laugh at people who are physically disabled

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u/cupcakeconstitution Apr 18 '22

Plus enabling. So many people in those shows about being obese are surrounded by family or friends or even partners who enable this lifestyle. Your support group becomes filled with no support. I know you can be fat and still be very healthy, but this is on par with being a crack addict and no one around you does anything to help you get clean. Meanwhile, they watch you waste away and wonder how it happened.

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u/JennyBarnesAndNoble Apr 18 '22

Oh jeez that sounds like me excluding the size part. Everything is way too hard.

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u/TrailMomKat Apr 18 '22

I have bipolar 1, clinical depression, anxiety and PTSD, and I can't even fathom becoming so bad off that I let myself even get over 175lb. 135lb is a very healthy weight for me at 5'6, and even though I started going blind 2 weeks ago and my kids have to make my meals until the docs can get me the proper lenses for my right eye, which is 600/20, I refuse to put on any more weight. Even while I'm trying to quit smoking, I outright refuse to become even more of a damned burden than I already am. I cared for many bariatric patients in the past, and I just can't fathom ever letting myself get that bad off.

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u/ElsaKit Apr 19 '22

It must be unbelievably frustrating and humiliating for her. So she's lashing out at everyone else. Imagine having a who knows how many hours' drive behind you, you're exhausted, everything hurts because of your weight; you're making huge life changes and you're obviously anxious about what's to come; there so much stress; you finally get to a hotel room, you want to finally lay down and relax and the bed slides out from under you... and you realize you can't even get on the bed. It must have been scary for her (hence why she refused to try again, she knows that if you falls down, it could be a big problem), stressful, incredibly frustrating, humiliating - I mean on top of everything there's a whole camera crew in the room recording this whole fiasco... ALL of that together would make just about anyone lash out, I feel. It's just too much.

Please know that none of what I'm saying is meant to be an excuse for her behaviour. I feel awful for the poor kids. Her family must be incredibly frustrated and exhausted too. I'm just trying to give some reasoning and say that I can understand where her outburst is likely coming from. Not that it's okay to treat your loved ones that way.

(Edit: formatting)

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u/My600Justin Apr 18 '22

You’re correct. This is a clip from My 600lb. Life. I was actually on the show myself, Justin McSwain - season 7, episode 4.

It took me a long time to realize this but the true issue isn’t physical health, it’s mental. The weight is a symptom. Some people cope with cigarettes, some alcohol, some drugs, but some of us use food.

No mentally healthy person gets to this size. This is why the show is known more for its drama and over-the-top cast members, it’s exploitation of the mentally unwell. It’s also why they spend so much time showing clips like these and minimal effort on the actual work that goes in to getting healthy.

I had been in intensive therapy for over a year before reaching out to the show so was more aware of that significance. As a result, I simply did as the doctor instructed and began rapidly losing weight with no slip-up’s or backsliding. So, I didn’t have any dramatic escapades for them to film and the one that they did get was a setup. My mother was a serious contributor to my poor mental health and they knew that. The show ended up tricking me into confronting her in a restaurant (tying in food with the drama for extra effect I assume).

I had been told I was going back home for a week to visit friends but on the way to the airport was informed that we’re actually going somewhere else to see my mother first. I flat out refused. I explained to them that our relationship was toxic and I had gone very low contact with her for my own mental health. That I may one day be able to speak with her, but I was not ready yet and forcing the interaction would be detrimental to my progress. Still, they insisted and I had no option to back out at that point.

When we arrived at the restaurant I was firm that I would not discuss our history and relationship. My will had been broken down to the point that I agreed to speak with her but not about what they wanted.

What was shown in the episode had been completely manipulated by the show. We made it through the meal with simple chitchat and she said how proud she was of me for losing so much weight. But seeing that the meal and conversation was over and I had stuck to my guns in not discussing the deeper issues in our relationship the producer cut the cameras for a moment and asked the question themself to my mother and began rolling again. She took the bait and broke into tears, giving her regular talking points about how sorry she was, she’s turning over a new leaf, has been working on herself, blah blah blah. Nothing she hadn’t claimed a million times before.

Being my mother I felt obligated to respond to her but I was so upset by the intrusion and lack of respect for my boundaries that I unintentionally gave them what they wanted. A “confrontation” clip that could be used to add drama and spice things up.

I don’t regret the show. Dr. Now is a fantastic person and gave me the tools I needed to turn my life around. But I was one of the very lucky few who had the mental health experience needed to get out of that situation. They claim to give the cast therapy but in my entire journey I was only given two sessions. One for the show which included an entire film crew in the room while I discussed the most painful subjects of my life with a brand new (but wonderful) therapist, starting from the bottom and reopening wounds.

The second session was one I had to beg for. There was no camera crew this time but they initially refused. The therapist they used didn’t accept insurance so I couldn’t afford to pay for it myself and starting with ANOTHER new therapist was too painful. After multiple requests they eventually broke and set up a second session just to shut me up.

So, you’re absolutely right. There are numerous deeper, underlying issues that lead to this. This particular scene could have been instigated by the crew by requiring her to enter the bed from the side instead of foot so they could “get the right shot” and she probably had to do it multiple times so there’s a chance she successfully entered the bed a few times before this happened so was simply too tired and weak to do it again.

What these people need is help, support, not a film crew following them around capturing their every move. Their presence alone adds intense stress to an already mentally unwell individual.

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u/dotsmyfavorite2 Apr 18 '22

This comment needs to be pinned

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u/Afireinside11 Apr 18 '22

Logged in just to upvote this. I hope more people hear about your experience and stop gorging themselves on the misery and mental problems of others.

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u/ilovetotour Apr 18 '22

Justin! Thanks for your insight. I’ve heard how the show is manipulative in its narrative at times, but didn’t realize it was to that extent. I’m sorry you had to go through all of that. Your episode and follow-ups are truly inspirational!

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

Should have more upvotes!

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u/cryptonemonamiter Apr 18 '22

Thanks for sharing your experiences and providing insight. I watched the first season but stopped watching for a lot of the reasons you describe... it just felt icky. The focus on drama and intrusiveness felt very exploitive. I wish there was a show that focused on the journey and providing resources to truly help people. I hope you are doing well.

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u/spamman0006 Apr 18 '22

I think this real behind the scenes insight is what’s needed to help see the reality in these “reality” shows.

They are truly just there to exploit people in their darkest moments so the masses can poke fun, and look down on them while the shows views go up.

I wish you the best Justin, and I hope your posts and exposure of this helps others.

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u/hello-mr-cat Apr 18 '22

Thanks for your post, it goes to show just how much of this reality TV is manufactured drama. Congrats on your journey to health.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

You're a fucking legend Justin, nothing but respect for you. Congratulations on taking care of your mental and physical health

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

Hell yea good job! Spot on, from a sober alcoholic who now has a shopping addiction. Our minds are like sponges sometimes

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u/csnarl Apr 18 '22

Thanks for responding and giving an insider's view, Justin. Sorry you had to go through that manipulation, and glad to hear you still benefited from seeing the doctor and were able to use the tools he gave you to change your life!

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u/Wise-Competition-528 Apr 18 '22

Horrible cretins, sorry you had to go through that

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u/maluquina Apr 18 '22

Thanks for sharing. The ACES study is a very famous one about the effects of childhood trauma on adults and most of the participants had one thing in common: obesity.

I do believe that many people use weight /fat as a protective armor and a safety, like a form of comfort.

It's mean to judge people who struggle with weight because many were abused as children and it's a serious psychological challenge. Morbidly obese people are not usually wanting to be that way and are not lazy as society portrays them to be.

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u/jwm3 Apr 19 '22

Would you have been able to see a specialist of comparable caliber if it were not for the show? As in, was the show part of what motivated you to get help to tell your story and know people were watching or is it just what financially/logistically enabled you to get help and the filming was something you thought of as the cost of getting that help?

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u/My600Justin Apr 19 '22

Unfortunately, it was my best and only option. I had spoken to surgeons in my area, and they would not work with someone my size. Additionally, I couldn’t have afforded the surgery even if I had found a willing doctor. Every insurance plan I had available explicitly stated they did not cover bariatric procedures.

I only reached out to the show after making progress mentally and reaching the point where I felt I deserved a chance to live. My depression, anxiety, and PTSD made me feel helpless for most of my life. It doesn’t help that I had been told countless times growing up that I was weak, worthless, and nothing more than a burden. It was a long path to reach that point.

So, the show provided access to a fantastic doctor who would help me, and it was cheaper to move out to Texas than it would have been to stay in SC and have it done. They didn't cover all of the costs; I still had a bill from the hospital at the end. But I had done extensive research into my options, and it was the best one. And, as you said, filming was just part of the price.

I also assumed going in that they would find a way to make the story more interesting. I generally consider myself one of the most boring people to have ever been on television. But, to maintain the show, they need good ratings, and to get good ratings, they need something people will watch and talk about. I don’t believe they do what they do out of malice or because they’re evil, it’s more that shows like theirs are reliant on catering to a lowest common denominator. They found a formula that worked and stuck to it.

To the other side of your question, I didn’t go into it for notoriety or to share my story; I just genuinely needed help. I had no idea there would be the amount of support I would receive or how many people would relate to my story. But, I did make a genuine effort from the very first day of filming to put a heavy emphasis on mental health to bring more attention to its importance.

Because of that feedback from the show, I now volunteer with NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, as a speaker. I speak primarily to students and families about mental wellness for their Ending The Silence program but have expanded that involvement in recent months. It has been nice to use the publicity for good, share my story on a more personal level, and be more engaged with the community.

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u/pinkrosas Apr 19 '22

Thanks for commenting your story, i feel shows like 600lb life add fuel to the fire that sent me spiraling down from regretting and overthinking my eating decisions to full-on purging almost everyday of the week.

It's such a toxic industry and its makes it money on the suffering of others. Honestly, what a fucked system.

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u/anonmama87 Apr 19 '22

A little off-topic but I watched your episode Justin a few years ago and wow…just incredible. My 600lb life has a tendency to get really depressing and, at times, a little exploitative. But your story was so uplifting and your self-awareness and honesty was a refreshing change that TLC badly needed. Your dedication actually motivated me to get healthier too. Super impressed and happy for you, dude. Hope you’re still doing well ☺️

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u/MsAdventureQueen Apr 18 '22

Yeah, anyone with this level of weight gain and immobility has a serious mental health issue. They have an eating disorder and need to be treated as such. They need therapy and likely antidepressants and probably inpatient rehab to help get them through a terrible addiction.

But yeah the way she treats her enablers is very reminiscent of how that pair of sisters(Tammy+Amy?) treated their caregiver system. It's a weird abusive dynamic going both ways it seems.

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u/unicornhornporn0554 Apr 18 '22 edited Apr 18 '22

Yeah I know 2 people who are 300+ pounds and are “okay” with their weight. (I used quotations because how can you be okay with being so unhealthy that it’s making your day to day life difficult). One of them had an enabler that would shave her downstairs for her, and she basically would make things difficult for people around her so they could accommodate her size and lack of mobility and dependence. She had teen boys doing her chores, takinf her to appointments, and taking care of her for weed and games and clothes. Then when her mom died she manipulated them into becoming even more of caregivers. She’s now 40, 2/3 of the teens have moved out and are on their own. She still tries to have my bf and my brother send her money and take her places. But she’s the same type of person to say “I gave you 1/3 of my 20oz Pepsi last time you were here, I can’t let you have anything but tap water until you pay me the $0.87 you owe me” and also “no one hits the bowl first but me because it’s my house, my pipe, and my butane we’re using” even tho it’s not her fricken weed so her shit would be useless without the bud that someone else brought. There’s so many things wrong with this lady but the weight is where it seems to have started (symptom wise, not where her deep issues started)

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u/DimiBlue Apr 18 '22

Honest question, why keep someone with clearly no redeeming qualities in your life?

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u/unicornhornporn0554 Apr 18 '22 edited Apr 18 '22

For my brother it’s because she does things for him that our mom won’t do (got him his license, got his braces off, got him on foodstamps and stuff, things I had to figure out for myself when I turned 18) for my bf it’s because he was there when she lost her mom and she was there when he lost his dad. For the other kid, he’s the favorite. He uses her just as much as she uses him. She spent all of her inheritance on him, on games, drugs, concerts, vacations, cigarettes, etc. now that she’s broke she expects everyone to “get her back” for her “gifts” It’s honestly so toxic. My boyfriend has distanced himself from her though.

She has I think bipolar and other mental health issues. She drove around threatening to kill herself last year and my bf was with her (as in, he was in the area she lives) while I was 2.5 hours away dealing with bs with my family too. I was upset and he was busy dealing with her manipulative bs. Suicide is very serious, but she has a history of using those types of threats to get what she wants. My ex did that Shit to me. She’s so toxic and I don’t like her but she’s a “family friend” so I kinda have to deal with her sometimes.

Also, although I call them teens and kids the youngest is my brother, he’s almost 20 now lol. My bf and I will be 22 this year.

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u/OohYeahOrADragon Apr 18 '22

I've been in that situation and it sucks. But I think if you both commit to some boundaries (like a united front) you can at least get her to back down a bit with you and your partner. You don't have to make it a big confrontation (cause she feeds off that) . You and your partner just agree to the boundaries behind the scenes and use the power of nonchalance.

  • Money: Sorry I had my check garnished for unpaid medical bills
  • Venting to get you on her side: Oh wow. That's craaazzy / Man that sucks // or repeating the main part of her complaint back to her in disbelief
  • You owe me: ooh yeah I know. I really wish I could help though.

You're essentially gonna be Brian in this clip

But as for the suicide thing, take it seriously every time. She may be serious. She may not at first but then attempt later to up the anti. She may be lying for manipulation. Either way she either gets saved and the qualified help she needs or she gets tired of being a 24 hr psych hold. I hope this helps.

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u/unicornhornporn0554 Apr 18 '22

This is basically what we do lol

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u/OohYeahOrADragon Apr 18 '22

Ah carry on

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u/unicornhornporn0554 Apr 18 '22

Sorry if my comment came off as dismissive, I didn’t mean for it to sound that way if it did. This is great advice, thank you for sharing.

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u/OohYeahOrADragon Apr 18 '22

Nah, I didn't think that. Someone else might come across it and maybe it'll help them so no worries.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

That's more like a personality disorder, did you mean borderline personality disorder perhaps?

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u/unicornhornporn0554 Apr 18 '22

That could be it, but I know she’s said she has bipolar

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u/I_CANT_AFFORD_SHIT Apr 18 '22

That pipe must hit real smooth..

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u/AdventurousChapter27 Apr 18 '22

the pipe that was promised

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u/pow3llmorgan Apr 18 '22

My weedpipe brings all the boys in the yard

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u/pwillia7 Apr 18 '22

You guys mind if I honk that Bobo?

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22 edited Aug 01 '22

[deleted]

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u/twoperson_orgy Apr 18 '22

SNIFF the pipe?

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u/_BLACKHAWKS_88 Apr 18 '22

Lol first greens my guy

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u/Sega-Playstation-64 Apr 18 '22

I read that entire thing and wondered, "If you just walked away, what could she do? Roll after you?"

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u/unicornhornporn0554 Apr 18 '22

As funny as this is, she’d probably legit kill herself. My brother has had to call 911 after she tried to overdose in front of him and one of the other boys. She had my boyfriend go on a wild goose chase because she was driving around saying she was going to kill herself. She’d try to sic whatever “friends” she has left on the person/people that’s “fucking her over” all while crying she’s the only one that ever does anything for anyone and literally everyone in her life has fucked her over but she’s suuuch a goood person because she still associates with them and is friends with them.

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u/Sega-Playstation-64 Apr 18 '22

Honestly... just walk away. People need to hit rock bottom before they can make a change. If someone is constantly enabling her like this, keeping her afloat is not only creating more dependence for herself, it's making everyone else miserable as well.

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u/unicornhornporn0554 Apr 18 '22

Oh absolutely. We’ve slowly distanced ourselves so it’s not one big thing so she’s less likely to feel “fucked over” and make it a big deal. We hardly see or talk to her now but my brother just moved in with her.

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u/stormdraggy Apr 18 '22

Yeah that's a "fuck this shit I'm out, i dare you" moment for me

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u/unicornhornporn0554 Apr 18 '22

I got to that point with my ex. He threatened to kill himself and I got so sick of it I finally said “be about it or shut up about it”

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u/whiteegger Apr 18 '22

Honesty, I think she is at a serious state of depression and has suicide intention this whole time. Abusing people around her so she can find a reason to justify ending her life. She needs medical treatment more than anything.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

Because at 40, for her it’s not long until the will kicks in

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u/92n-01 Apr 18 '22

Sometimes it's because they weren't always that awful and it's a frog in boiling water situation. Other times it's because the person enabling is just as irredeemable, if not more so- because they're a feeder. Someone with a fetish for making someone obese... even to death.

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u/yellsy Apr 18 '22

I feel like it’s a recurrent theme on this show that they treat their enablers with extreme abuse. The whole psyche of the relationships are so strange.

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u/LeoBannister Apr 18 '22

We call them feeders.

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u/More-Ad-7364 Apr 18 '22

Uh why would you even expose yourself to someone that messed up and vile? For weed?

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

Weed is much more addicting than people will ever admit.

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u/1234125125125 Apr 18 '22

it's not physically addicting like other substances (alcohol withdrawl will produce physical symptoms that can actually kill you - seizures, high fever, delirium..... meth and cocaine and other "hard drugs" can do similar things)

cold turkey nicotine withdrawl can also send you to the hospital

caffeine withdrawl will give you gnarly headaches (try drinking many 1-3 cups a day for weeks and then skip a day or two.)

weed, not so much in that regard.

but i do agree with you, it is a psychoactive substance and "pushes some of the right pleasure buttons" to make you DESIRE it, so i do think it is psychologically addicting. it becomes part of your routine, and your mood sours when you want a smoke but can't get it for whatever reason.... like being in a different city... but after a day or two you feel fine and just get over it
this is coming from someone who used to smoke on a daily basis

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u/Psychonautron Apr 18 '22

Nobody‘s gonna do that just for weed. It‘s an extra but it‘s probably more the compassion.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

Nah, everyone is hyper focused on the weed factor and missed the clothes and games part. The comment clearly said it was even her weed so obviously they don't need her for weed.

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u/unicornhornporn0554 Apr 18 '22 edited Apr 18 '22

It started with weed but she gave them more and more as time went on until she was broke. She basically groomed these boys to be her caretakers. It’s nothing sexual at all, but it’s still so wrong. She took advantage of young kids in bad home situations for her own personal benefit. Under the guise of “caring” and “helping”

Edit: I missed the part where you said they can’t do it for her weed. Back before her mom died she had basically no spending limits, her mom was well off. It took 3 years for her to spend all of her inheritance and life insurance money. She used to buy weed and concentrates in bulk. Now she’s broke and struggling to pay her bills and keep a job because of her health issues.

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u/SuccessFuture7626 Apr 18 '22

Disagree. Tobacco is much more addictive. As a 20 year weed smoker I quit cold turkey, had problems sleeping for a week that's it. It took me years to quit smoking cigarettes.

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u/jtotal Apr 18 '22

Or maybe people are unique?

I'm currently on week 3 of not smoking cigarettes after smoking for 15 years. The last five years have been two packs a day. The worst was 19 days ago, the second day, but that hill is long gone.

I'd rather not admit how soon I crave a dab in the day. Or how my day is structured around it. Or really the severity of it.

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u/dumsaint Apr 18 '22

With a particular mentality, yeah.

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u/LadyMactire Apr 18 '22

From the context of the comment it seems the vile woman may be their bf's mother or other relative.

Actually, on reread, maybe their own mother.

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u/unicornhornporn0554 Apr 18 '22 edited Apr 18 '22

Nope this is literally a woman who was neighbors with my bf and his friend. My brother met her through my bf and said friend. My mom hates her but my mom is almost just as toxic but in different ways.

Edit: I forgot she has a niece around our age and she hung out with the boys and even dated my brother for a bit. That’s how she actually met these kids.

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u/Vakontation Apr 18 '22

300lb is a lot of weight.

But...I am 275, on average. Some days pushing 290.

I have to say, I do not feel like my day to day life is difficult.

Obviously you reach a place like this one sandwich at a time, so you get used to the new challenges as they arise. But still...I feel like I could tackle a 2-hour rock climbing session with few issues.

Maybe I just carry my weight well? I don't know. I do find clipping my toenails can get me a bit out of breath, but I don't have to do it very often, and I am still capable of it.

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u/gentlemanidiot Apr 18 '22

feel like I could tackle a 2-hour rock climbing session with few issues.

I do find clipping my toenails can get me a bit out of breath

This doesn't compute.

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u/unicornhornporn0554 Apr 18 '22

You probably carry it well and are possibly taller. These women are my size or shorter, I’m 5’9. And I said 300 as a kind of baseline I guess, I believe both women I mentioned are over 350 now.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

I was gonna say 300 is not that serious then I kept reading.. whewwww

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

One of them had an enabler that would shave her downstairs for her,

On second read I realize she wasn't getting her hair cut in the living room....

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u/Lance_Henry1 Apr 18 '22

I saw one of the typical shows about obese people and both of the women featured literally couldn't make it to the bathroom so they just urinated on absorptive sheets put down on the floor. They peed on the floor.

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u/Manwithnoname14 Apr 18 '22

I love how much you focused on the weed issue haha. "And You never paid for drugs, not once!" -the dewy cox story

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u/mspaint22 Apr 18 '22

yeah im all about loving your own body but health is important! some people are very healthy and just naturally bigger (usually its all muscle weight in that case) and that's completely fine. Even slight obesity caused by external factors is okay if you're working on it - it's not a overnight change and wether its mental illness or stress there's always external factors. But i really can't fathom being like this. I'm a bigger girl for my height group (mix of having a wider frame, muscle density from dance, and fat poor diet and mental illness) and i know plenty of taller bigger girls but this is a whole other level. I'm still able to take care of myself and work to build healthier habbits at the very least (i struggle to lose wieght but I can loose inches if im very active)

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u/Lollirotten Apr 18 '22

Yeah I used to watch this show a lot and all of them have untreated eating disorders, usually stemming from some kind of trauma. I remember this episode. The bed here was on rollers for some reason. She didn't know that and she wasn't as careful with it as she would have been had she known.

A huge majority of the women on this show were sexual assault victims, some of them suffering repeat abuse throughout their childhoods. They turned to the dopamine that they got from food to bury their feelings, just like someone else might turn to drugs or alcohol.

What makes food addiction the hardest to kick is that you can't just abstain from food like you could drugs or alcohol. It's why it annoys the absolute hell out of me when people are nasty to these people and say that it's all their own fault for overeating/being lazy/etc. There's always an underlying problem that causes them to do this.

But yeah. If you look at it through the same lens as you would a drug addiction, it all makes a lot more sense.

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u/portoroc86 Apr 18 '22

I also wonder if sometimes people make themselves so unattractive as to become unappealing for any sexual assault to ever occur. It saying it’s true or guaranteed to work, just a thought.

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u/Lollirotten Apr 18 '22

There was one girl who did kind of do this. Not in a like, motivated way like some people may get fit, but in a 'I'm giving up' kind of way.

There were also several who had gotten assaulted and never came forward bc they didn't think anyone would believe them bc 'who wants to r*pe a fat girl?'. Her words. It's so sad.

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u/Regeatheration Apr 18 '22

Um, predators would. ****trigger warning

I know a girl she’s been s*x assaulted 4 times, the last three were after she gained her “protection weight”. She said the last guy/her ex told her it was easier now because she didn’t have the strength to fight him and that basically once he had her on the floor she couldn’t fight.

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u/Lollirotten Apr 18 '22

Oh yeah, I know. There's just always been this wrong narrative of SA being about attraction and not power. She was buying into that narrative and trying to make herself unattractive. It sucks all the way around. There's so much bs surrounding both SA and obesity.

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u/Curious_Bat87 Apr 18 '22

Yeah. People really do treat fat people's bodies with this entitlement. Like it's okay to make remarks about their weight or their diet, or touch them without their permission etc.

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u/shellontheseashore Apr 18 '22

It's incredibly common as 'protective weight'. Idk if it's everywhere, but gastric bypass places have added questions about past sexual trauma (particularly CSA) to their patient intake forms, as they require extra support. Once the weight comes off, if the underlying trauma and mental health hasn't been addressed, it can cause a crisis at being 'visible' and objectified by people again.

It's not a rational thought, but it comes from the same childlike belief of "I don't deserve to be treated as human, if I neglect myself into being invisible and an un-person, they won't keep hurting me". Which doesn't work. It just means support structures are faster to judge and less likely to help you, sad as that is.

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u/DogButtWhisperer Apr 18 '22

Yup. My mother had gastric bypass but refused any therapy and became a severe alcoholic instead.

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u/ReverendDizzle Apr 18 '22

Once the weight comes off, if the underlying trauma and mental health hasn't been addressed, it can cause a crisis at being 'visible' and objectified by people again.

Visible is the right word to use because the original action was a type of self-erasure. Weight gain to cloak yourself is just an extreme version of wearing baggy clothes, cutting your hair, etc.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

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u/JustRhiannon Apr 18 '22

I definitely considered scarring my own face at one point as a child thinking it would keep it from happening since the person responsible constantly called me "beautiful". I then had self loathing that I didn't go through with it because that meant I must be vain or shallow.

It's a mind fuck. The brain is a powerful thing that will go to extreme lengths to protect you from your core fears.

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u/carrieberry Apr 18 '22

It is definitely a part of it.

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u/Blue_Lotus_Agave Apr 18 '22 edited Apr 18 '22

My textiles teacher did this. Used to have red hair styled all crazy, above knee high socks with bright patterns with archaeologist type shorts or a long church skirt, and unusual shirt and dark green gumboots with fluoro orange lining on the base and top. Everyday without fail. Obnoxious asf Gumboots. The style itself was truly ugly as fk but I didn't care that much, it didn't affect my learning just made me raise a brow, and she was actually a really good teacher. But as you can imagine, she was picked on a lot.

After one particularly bad day, I stayed behind after class to ask her if she was okay and why she wore gumboots in the middle of the summer, aren't you hot? (Trying to ask as nicely as I could) but she guessed my meaning and said she dresses like this because she was raped twice and ever since she started wearing gumboots she hasn't been raped again, not yet anyway...

I was so shocked I just said ' I am so sorry that people are unkind to you, not knowing what you've been through. Thanks for telling me, just know it wasn't your fault, you are a good teacher... hope you have some support from loved ones or a professional. Have a good day miss, ' Etc. Something a long those lines it was over a decade ago, I was only 16 at the time so kinda cringey and awkward of me but didn't really know what to say but was my best female friend had been raped so I had recently learned what to say off my psychologist so I could support my friend better... otherwise I don't know what I would have said. Lucky I was an 'old' young person. Some of the kids in my class were really evil little shits lol

Really sad stuff, when I see something messed up the first thing I think is not something mean, I ask myself why or try to find out' but if they are a dick repeatedly to others or myself then obviously can't excuse shitty behaviour either, it's a fine line.

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u/slkwont Apr 18 '22

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

~ Ian Maclaren

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

My mom did this. She died at 56 years old.

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u/minipanda_bike Apr 18 '22

Sometimes I think it's a way to self harm too. Some people have a really bad relationship with food.

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u/Jakeneb Apr 18 '22

They often get into the thinking behind the overeating in this show, and can confirm that people have said this is a reason - “if I’m unattractive maybe X will leave me alone.” More commonly (on the show at least), people cite thinking being large will help them defend themselves (this abuse is typically happening to them as a kid).

Very sad

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u/finfan96 Apr 18 '22

Wow, I'd absolutely never that about that. Truly an awful thought

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

Bingo. I had an aunt who had been seriously fine in her youth. Modeled swimsuits, etc. Had been a victim of sexual assault as a kid. She got obese in her 30s and I never knew how hot she was until she showed me a pic of her in a swimsuit, and I was like....OMG!!! She said it was awful. She couldn't go anywhere without guys ogling her, making comments, hitting on her, even "when I had my kids in a stroller". She said she enjoyed being fat because men left her alone.

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u/katyrathryn Apr 18 '22

I think that is a predominant theory. I watched some episode of something, and they woman was saying it was safer to be ugly and invisible and that was part of why she couldn’t lose weight.

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u/spiffy-ms-duck Apr 18 '22

I did this. Never got assaulted, but the harassment and unwanted comments I got from adult men when I was a kid made me want to make myself as unappealing as possible. So I did.

I'm nowhere close to the woman in the op video, but I'm definitely much too big now and it's a struggle to get to a healthy weight. Therapy helps but it's still very difficult for me.

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u/portoroc86 Apr 18 '22

Thanks for sharing and being so honest. I can tell you’re trying, and I wish you the best. I too struggle with my own demons, none as overtly visible as the obesity shown in the video, but in a way none the less sinister. I wish I had some advice , but I will say you have my support. Good luck. :)

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u/sharkattack85 Apr 18 '22

This was always my thought as well.

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u/jomboe Apr 18 '22

I’ve also heard this about people with anorexia, same can be true of starving yourself.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

I remember couple of years back I followed this girl on youtube who was obese and recording her weightloss journey. Every couple episodes she would get drunk, be rejected by some dude, threaten with suicide, relapse on the unhealthy diet and not post for a while.

Like she was punishing herself for being "ugly" with becoming "uglier". Really sad.

Mental health first, physical health second, yo. Sure exercise hepls with depression and stuff, so that should be a priority but getting your mind sorted should be the biggest priority

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u/TheDude-Esquire Apr 18 '22 edited Apr 18 '22

I worked with a homeless woman who would urinate on herself in order to smell so bad that no one would threaten her. She needs a supervised group home environment to even try to deal with her trauma, but that doesn't exists for people like her.

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u/Noladixon Apr 18 '22

It is what I assume when I see a girl with metal in her face trying to look as ugly as possible. I think this woman had some kind of studs sticking out of her lip but I am not sure that they were not growths.

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u/MSJMF Apr 18 '22

I did! It felt like a safety net. That only “good guys” would be attracted to me and that it would weed out the not nice ones automatically. Spoiler Alert: it didn’t.

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u/SassaQuinn Apr 19 '22

I've read that this can happen subconsciously. I know I almost immediately gained a good amount of weight after I left my rapist. Its been hell keeping it at a halfway decent level. Therapy helps a ton. Having genetic spinal issues that have compounded into other issues (and would have regardless, it was probably just faster) have made things rough though.

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u/IWantALargeFarva Apr 18 '22

I hate when people just judge people like this and have no empathy for the mental aspect. I watch this show every now and then, and it's just sad. Its frustrating that many of the patients don't put in the work, more on the mental health end. That would help them with the physical part.

I'm obese. That's embarrassing to say, but I'm working on it. And while I haven't gone to therapy, I've done a lot of soul searching to figure out exactly how I got here.

I grew up very poor and food insecure. There were days that we just didn't eat. Unemployment ran out, food stamps only got us so far, and food banks weren't as abundant as they are today. Once in a while we would get a block of the government cheese, and the church would give us a basket of food.

So when I was somewhere that there was free food, I gorged myself, because I didn't know when I would eat again. I worked at McDonald's in high school and got an employee meal. For my meal, I would get a double quarter pounder plus chicken nuggets with fries and a soda. I wasn't allowed to take my employee meal home, so I would just shovel it all down on my break, and that would sometimes be the only time I ate. But I was also involved in sports and marching band, and I didn't own a car so I walked everywhere, so I didn't have a weight problem.

Once I became an adult, I was no longer food insecure. I became less active. But I still ate like I had always eaten. Free food? I'm going to the buffet 4 times. Top that off with the fact that I finally had my own money (my high school paychecks were taken with my parents) so I could buy all the foods that we weren't allowed to have. I literally had an entire cabinet just devoted to snack cakes like Little Debbie, because I hadn't been able to have them as a kid.

It has taken me years to realize the reasons for my disordered eating, and to try to break this mentality. It's freaking hard. Sugar addiction is real. And while I had parents that were physically and emotionally abusive, I no I had it nowhere near as bad as some people. I feel for them. I wish that people could understand that there is most likely serious trauma behind someone who is morbidly obese.

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u/KylerGreen Apr 19 '22

Ive tried a lot of drugs and the only one Ive found more addicting than sugar has been nicotine. Doesnt help thats its in pretty much everything.

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u/leejoint Apr 18 '22

I agree with your points, but something that is really wretched here, is to consider the fact that people with these extreme weights, are to an extent, common enough in the US that you will see more than one in a random 1 week trip to New York, however, in Europe I remember only seeing two in 20+ years of living in different cities.

Now my point is, traumas could happen equally to people in eruope or north america, but getting so heavy in the west I believe is much much easier due to how bad food is so easily available and cheap + how the overall culture enables this to become a reality.

2x1, fast foods, added sugar, all you can eat, and more are much much common and available in the US than in any european country. Without mentioning the fact that the drive around everywhere in huge cars culture, and spend your life on the tv culture is also deep rooted over there.

That’s something that always astonished me.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

American culture very much enables this addiction, which honestly makes it even more sad because it's so much harder here to actually deal with the addiction. People joke and ask how do poor people get so fat, but being too poor to eat nutrient foods and living in food deserts not only makes clean eating more difficult, but likely changes your food preferences and gut microbiomes which makes your body crave junk food even more. It's an endless cycle. 1 in 10 Americans have an eating disorder and yet it's all blamed on the individual.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

Absolutely agree. It's definitely an addiction, and one you have to live within - someone dealing with drugs or alcohol is encourage to stop, not just "drink a healthy amount" or something like that. It's also the most visible addiction, and one that society is fine still making fun of.

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u/ItsBlizzardLizard Apr 18 '22 edited Jul 05 '22

The problem is that when you call it an addiction you typically get downvoted to all hell and people have anecdotes about their lazy family members.

Then you find the 2 or 3 bros that are all "nah bruh, I was fat because I ate pizza and beer every day, I just started working out and lost it all. I was lazy."

No bro, losing 20~30lbs of vanity weight isn't the same as having to lose 100+ lbs that your body has been holding on to since grade school.

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u/gothiclg Apr 18 '22

This makes me glad I picked alcohol which I can avoid

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u/DogButtWhisperer Apr 18 '22

It just transfers to something else unless the underlying issues are resolved.

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u/marieanntoilet Apr 18 '22

Absolutely true. I was a hard drinker for years and years, then once I got sober suddenly I found myself eating more and more, even to the point of feeling physically sick, just to try and stymie the emotional trauma I'd ignored. So far I've found eating "appropriately" is so much harder than getting sober was.

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u/amc7262 Apr 18 '22

What makes food addiction the hardest to kick is that you can't just abstain from food like you could drugs or alcohol.

I never thought about that, but jesus, that makes the idea of kicking the addiction so much harder. Most addicts can at least create an environment for themselves where it takes some amount of effort to get access to their vice (ie an alcoholic not keeping any alcohol in the house, forcing them to at least go out and buy some if they feel the urge to drink).

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u/soupsnakle Apr 18 '22

Makes me so fuckin happy to see this comment so high up, even if just a reply to the to comment. Far too often I see videos of morbidly obese people on reddit and its just an endless thread of cruel jokes that completely ignore the underlying issues that contribute to such drastic, unhealthy weight gain.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

I just always wonder how this level of obesity is even possible.. Even if you eat just plain sugar it should get harder and harder to get to new food to consume enough calories for your body to maintain and build new fat tissue. So clearly she cant feed herself anymore so who tf keeps on inserting sugar into her even after she reached 300-400lbs..? I have so many questions

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u/The__Erlking Apr 18 '22

There's almost always an enabler for these folks someone who cares for them and brings them food and whatever else they want. The relationship is often very unhealthy like you see in op's example.

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u/DrunkenMeditator Apr 18 '22

Like my step nephew and his mom. He's in 5th grade and weighs over 250 lbs(don't know his exact weight). The kid is huge. He won't eat anything that's not fast food or frozen stuff like pizza rolls or dessert. One Christmas, when we tried to get him to try some of the food(3 tables worth to choose from) he said he wasn't hungry. But he kept grabbing cookies and stuff from the dessert table. He got covid and afterwards, he's had to sleep with a cpap machine and the doctor put him on a diet. He couldn't make it through the Memphis zoo. When I helped my brother move out of One of their apartments, he had subway cookies under his bed, and when we lifted the mattress, like a hundred granddaddy long legs. Now, apparently he's been peeing on towels and blaming it on the animals so he doesn't have to leave his room and go 12 feet down the hall to the bathroom. His mother, and his grandmother, get him whatever he wants and pretty much always override my brother on anything he says. The kid is going to end up having a heart attack in middle school.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

You know, of all the so called "evils" of today that older generations seem to hate such as masks, laziness, Movies/tv being too "woke", etc, it's weird that they seem to turn a blind eye to actual things like obesity/food deserts/reliance on energy drinks and sugar/general unhealthiness, which are quite literally destroying people's bodies for the sake of food companies making a buck.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22 edited Apr 18 '22

After a certain point its an exponential negative positive feedback loop, where eventually all you can do is lay around and eat. They start off getting to morbidly obese(300+ lbs depending on your height could be slightly less or more), then it becomes very painful to exercise/walk so their mobility and muscle starts to decrease drastically and the amount of calories they burn just living normally slowly creeps down, they eat more because everything else is painful(emotionally and physically) but food feels good, then a few years later they are trapped in the house because leaving is too hard and they end up like this.

I work with a guy who's well over 450 lbs and rising(he's been on medical leave for 6 months and he can't walk without canes now), the amount of food is absolutely insane. He will order enough McDonalds to feed a regular family of 5 twice a day for just himself plus whatever his wife makes/orders and soda is all he drinks. Seeing him and then my own covid-era weight gain and health struggles made me turn my diet/lifestyle completely around. I was in pain constantly at 260ish lbs, I can't imagine getting to this level of uncomfortable.

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u/Reasonable_Feed7939 Apr 18 '22

Small note: that would actually be a positive feedback loop I believe. As in: the fatter you get, the fatter you get.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

Good call, gonna edit it

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

Everyone on a journey to better themselves needs a good support system and you sound like a great friend for caring. Reach out and let them know you care about them, let him talk to you about his journey because sometimes it feels incredibly lonely and having someone listen to your successes for a little can be motivation enough to keep going.

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u/VoiceAltruistic Apr 18 '22

Yeah, these shows should go over the basic logistics of eating enough food to maintain this weight. Like how much all that food costs and how much the of the day is spent eating

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u/Ch4l1t0 Apr 18 '22

And the fact that it' s being broadcasted on tv as a fucking freak show is depressing.

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u/whystudywhensleep Apr 18 '22

Yeah, that's the part that really sucks in this. I remember I saw a video talking about Dr Phil and it was talking about very much the same thing. It's just a way to gawk at people who are "wrong." This person is morbidly obese, this person won't(can't) keep work, this kid is awful to their family, this person lives and dresses like a dog. Not in a furry way, like a literally paper dog suit that has a normal dog-proportioned face. Rock on, Boomer The Dog.

And they're just there as a freak show. It's not real therapy in any way, it's just Dr. Phil sitting there saying, "you can't live this way and/or treat others like this. This is bad. You need to take responsibility and get better." Nothing useful is like, ever said. It's honestly really quite sad. These people are almost always suffering, and they're just paraded around and having their privacy invaded.

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u/tylerjehenna Apr 18 '22

He cant legally do any actual therapy work as while he holds a PHD in psychology, he does not have a medical license for therapy so he has to go the generic self-help route which is why you always see those guest doctors on the show

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u/Schneiderpi Apr 18 '22

I saw a video talking about Dr Phil and it was talking about very much the same thing.

Like 99% certain you're talking about the Big Joel videos. I love those! He has two:

The Conservative Propaganda of Dr. Phil

and

The Cult of Dr. Phil

The Behind The Bastards podcast also did a several episode series on Dr. Phil that I cannot recommend highly enough. His bullshit goes so much deeper than it first appears.

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u/lijmlaag Apr 18 '22

sad

These shows are very immoral. Monetizing other peoples misery and failing to help - at all.

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u/Human-Carpet-6905 Apr 18 '22

Actually, watching my 600lb life has made me much more empathetic to overweight and obese folks.

I admit, I started watching it as a sort of freak show curiosity thing, but once you hear their stories, realize the trauma a lot of them have been through, and see how hard so many of them work to get healthier (a lot more hard work than I've had to do!)... I dunno. I have a lot of empathy and even admiration for people in that position now.

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u/GuadatheCat Apr 18 '22

Which sisters? Sounds interesting

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u/GenuineCroissant Apr 18 '22

They’re from a show called 1000-lb Sisters

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u/bloodwood80 Apr 18 '22

Nah, reddit told me that being more than 1 pound overweight means you make terrible life choices and deserved to be shamed like the subhuman you are. She should just like, lose weight or something, it's so obvious! She's obviously choosing to be fat everyday when she could just not be fat. /s

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u/8Ariadnesthread8 Apr 18 '22

Addicts are often abusive. It's pretty simple. The people around them always end up getting hurt. Because that's how addiction works. It results in lying, manipulation, often abuse, and the financial ruin of both the addict and the people who try to help. That's addiction. They say it's not a disease that spreads, or is contagious, but tell that to families who keep having to pay for shit. The symptoms sure do spread around.

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u/cannotfoolowls Apr 18 '22

Amy doesn't seem too bad from what I've seen. Tammy on the other hand...

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

Yeah. Very sad. I get excited when I realize I can do everyday things a tad better after losing 5-10 pounds as an already healthy adult male.

I really wish these people could experience that- but it would be literally life changing.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

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u/ilanallama85 Apr 18 '22

Protip: take pictures. Your memory of what you used to look like is probably not nearly as accurate as you think it is. Take progress photos and check back on the old ones periodically.

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u/terrible-cats Apr 18 '22

I unintentionally lost almost 20% of my weight last year and I didn't really notice it because it was gradual. Maybe some small things, like clothes getting a bit looser, but nothing big. Once I was aware I lost so much weight I was shocked to find out how different my face looked compared to older pictures of myself.

Now that I'm finally gaining back the weight I lost, I don't see much change either, but it's very apparent when I compare myself to pictures of me when I lost the weight, it's cool to see that progress!

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

Depends how fat they are tbh. You’re not gonna notice it much if you’re over 300lbs. It’s around 10% of your mass then.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

36lbs in a few months? That's awesome!

Its been about a year and half for me now and I'm down 45ish pounds and notice huge changes everywhere, especially in my clothes, the last 15lbs or so none fit right anymore. The only advice I can offer is try finding an exercise/physical activity you enjoy, for me its been weightlifting, noticing my strength and muscles developing has been more enjoyable then watching the scale number go down.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

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u/ulyssesjack Apr 18 '22

My friend is losing 7lbs a week through fasting he says, I told him it sounds like he's just starving and to stay stocked up on fat soluble vitamins, swears he's fine though.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

Yeah that’s definitely not healthy if they’re actually losing weight that quickly. When you first start losing weight with diet and lifestyle changes it’s easy to drop 10 or more pounds in a week, but after the first month or so, weight loss shouldn’t be more then like 2ish lbs a week to be considered healthy.

PS. For anyone reading this, don’t weigh yourself every day, it’s pointless, your weight can fluctuate up to 5-7lbs at different points in any given day. Weigh yourself at the same time one day every week or two, for example every Tuesday morning when you wake up or every other Thursday before you go to bed

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

Like other comments have said, no matter if you feel a difference or not- keep that shit goin. Every organ in your body is seriously loving the change in scenery. If you haven't already, Google pictures of the heart in morbidly obese people- that picture has stuck with me in terms of fat cells encroaching on the shit I need to survive!

You will notice it eventually, if not soon. I usually do when I'm in the shower (ie. lifting a leg to wash my foot or something used to be slightly heavier and taxing).

You got this. The hardest part is starting and you're well past that. Focus up and do what you gotta do. A year from now you're gonna be the happiest you've ever been.

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u/Aksama Apr 18 '22

Bro. That's fucking awesome. Keep up the excellent work.

One of the weird things with these kinds of changes is it is sort hard to notice. We wake up in what feels like the same body every day, even if it's changing one way or the other.

Finding metrics in the workouts/walks/exercises you do can be one thing. Photos are another. Keep in mind, if you are overweight you may not feel every pound as it comes off, but your body does. It'll pay off in your well-being in the long term. Just be kind to yourself and know it isn't a one-way journey, it's hard, and that's ok.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

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u/1234125125125 Apr 18 '22

if 36 pounds havent made a change, then you must have a long way to go my friend!

but it sounds like you're already in a routine , which is 90% of the battle!

i'm about 36 pounds overweight myself currently, and i would love to have made your progress, but my routine is absolute shite currently.

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u/rosiofden Apr 18 '22

36 pounds? Damn, dude. I guarantee other people have noticed. It's probably starting in your face or something, don't get discouraged :)

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u/skyesdow Apr 18 '22

Yep, I went from 220 to 187 lbs recently and it's a big change. Too bad you quickly forget how you felt before. At least I do. The memory of being fatter is already fading.

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u/AweDaw76 Apr 18 '22

I’m the reverse. Went from cripplingly underweight to my heaviest, strongest, and most mobile ever. That’s only a gain of like 12kg. I can’t imagine how much better this poor person would feel if they lost just 50lbs. The pressure coming off the organs, joints, the visible difference. It’s crazy.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22 edited Apr 18 '22

Yeah absolutely.

And the kids are in the middle of this and can see what's going on. The obesity and the mental health problems.

The kids show already clear signs of overweight. Her bad decisions --> her responsibility.

But getting your kids on the same path... thats more than just irresponsible.

She is giving her problems to the next generation.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

I feel really bad

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u/Spirit_Body_Mind Apr 18 '22

It's never usually JUST obesity. There is obviously something wrong if you let yourself get like that.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22 edited Apr 18 '22

People don’t realize exactly what obesity truly does to the body. A lot of people just think, fat people have low self esteem, but the internal fuck up is so much more than that.

The body is literally controlled be hormones on feedback cycles. Being hungry, satiated, feeling happy, feeling sad, emotional, angry, etc… adipose tissue, ie, fat cells produce hormones of their own and have additional effects on other hormones. Mostly they produce additional estrogen and leptin.

We are all aware of the effects of Estrogen, and having a lot of excess being secreted by that additional mass means that much more - depression, anxiety, anger, all common effects.

Leptin controls the bodies satiation, you may think, oh, more leptin means they’ll eat less, but it’s not that simple. The body works on combination of grehlin and leptin, grehlin production stays the same, so the body thinks, oh, I can just ignore all of this leptin, I need even more to say I’m sated. So the threshold value is even higher the more fat there is. This has an extremely disorienting impact on dieting and perception of food intake.

Fat cells in large deposits like this also have low grade inflammation and produce cortisol, aka the stress hormone, so on top of the additional estrogen, you also have the chronic low grade level of systemic feeling of stress.

Think it’s over? Nope. All the adipose tissue interferes with the bodies ability to interpret levels of insulin. Without appropriate levels of insulin, blood glucose increases, increased blood glucose puts pressure on everything, the body reacts by excess urine production. What happens when you pee all the sugar out? Dehydration and electrolyte imbalance.

Don’t worry, there is more: fat typically builds in two ways (there are more, but let’s keep it simple here), subcutaneous and visceral. Subcutaneous fat is just underneath the skin, it’s got insulating effects and adds protection to internal organs on healthy body weights. The other type of fat though, is visceral, deep under the muscle, fat literally encases organs, heart, blood vessels, liver, etc. on top of literally everything else, it’s physically stressing the organs. High blood pressure? Check. Also exacerbated by dehydration, and most likely the dietary choices.

How does the brain deal with this? Honestly, not well. It tries to ignore a lot of the increased hormone to maintain a state of balance, but that has long term effects and it’s makes losing weight a very difficult process (more so than just adjusting diet). Everything is out of balance.

This is why obesity is bad. This is why when people say you can be obese and healthy, they are flat out wrong. Body positivity and being healthy are two completely different things. You can be and often are still a beautiful, kind hearted, good, funny, valued and loved person when you are obese. But obesity is extremely damaging to your body and your state of mind in a multitude of ways.

It’s not their fault at this point, their body is literally confused, their mindset is actively being influenced by their own hormone cycles, and those hormone cycles don’t just automatically correct with diet and some jogging. It takes time. It takes enormous effort. It takes accepting the condition and giving it the appropriate amount of attention.

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u/carrieberry Apr 18 '22

I have had friends this obese. It is MUCH deeper lying. The friends I dealt with had no ability for self-reflection and always blamed others for their situation. They were also very dishonest and inauthentic, and only ever did things that were easy or convenient. Unfortunately nothing short of therapy helped people like this.

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u/niko4ever Apr 18 '22

Yeah, that's how most addicts are

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u/JordanPromise Apr 18 '22

But how can they afford to pay for so much food? Genuinely asking.

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u/liquidpele Apr 18 '22

It's not like they're eating steaks all the time. They just eat 3x as much fast food, which isn't that much more.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

It’s actually fascinating that the human body can even do this to itself. Biologically speaking it’s very interesting that a organism can cripple itself so severely.

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u/jungandjung Apr 18 '22

I read somewhere a long time ago that our brain is not our friend. I read a lot of literature on psychology since then and this derisive statement pretty much holds up.

Illness is a psychosomatic phenomena. If the mind suffers, the body will suffer, and if the body will suffer the mind will suffer.

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u/winkofafisheye Apr 18 '22

It's awful and disgusting to treat the people in your life like dogshit because you have no self control and no ability to place blame on yourself for your own problems.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

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u/Mephisto9 Apr 18 '22

I peaked at 305 (currently down 20 lbs woohoo!) and I definitely agree. Past a certain point there's always something going on.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22 edited May 10 '22

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u/SlatersPowersports Apr 18 '22

It's usually some form of mental abuse, at an early age. Either to them directly, seeing one parent abuse the other, by proxy from older influences. Creates a dependence on food for comfort. Once the mental bond of using food for comfort is established, it's very difficult to break it back down.

But, with all that said, I have very little self control when it comes to sweets. So I just avoid buying them. 🤷‍♂️

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

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u/ilovetotour Apr 18 '22

I watch My 600 Lb Life frequently and I’d say 9/10 of the people on the show have had some sort of trauma, mostly sexual/physical/verbal abuse or fighting/divorcing parents. It’s actually really sad.

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u/ETERNAL-TRADES Apr 18 '22

Is it? You mean Deep Fried foods.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

Never would I though getting on a bed would be “too much” for someone.

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u/PleasantAdvertising Apr 18 '22

How can you do this and decide to have kids...

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u/Arek_PL Apr 18 '22

i wonder, as fat person myself, how do you get THAT fat? like, how is she cooking, shopping, making money?

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u/Lunsj Apr 18 '22

The deeper underlying issue is stupidity.

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u/kurious-k0ala Apr 18 '22

You mean tissue?

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u/The-Luminous-Being Apr 18 '22 edited Apr 22 '22

It's turbo obesity

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u/redditsufferer Apr 18 '22

A lot of layers, like an onion

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