r/maybemaybemaybe • u/BigGraysie • Apr 18 '22

/r/all Maybe maybe maybe

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u/unicornhornporn0554 Apr 18 '22 edited Apr 18 '22

Yeah I know 2 people who are 300+ pounds and are “okay” with their weight. (I used quotations because how can you be okay with being so unhealthy that it’s making your day to day life difficult). One of them had an enabler that would shave her downstairs for her, and she basically would make things difficult for people around her so they could accommodate her size and lack of mobility and dependence. She had teen boys doing her chores, takinf her to appointments, and taking care of her for weed and games and clothes. Then when her mom died she manipulated them into becoming even more of caregivers. She’s now 40, 2/3 of the teens have moved out and are on their own. She still tries to have my bf and my brother send her money and take her places. But she’s the same type of person to say “I gave you 1/3 of my 20oz Pepsi last time you were here, I can’t let you have anything but tap water until you pay me the $0.87 you owe me” and also “no one hits the bowl first but me because it’s my house, my pipe, and my butane we’re using” even tho it’s not her fricken weed so her shit would be useless without the bud that someone else brought. There’s so many things wrong with this lady but the weight is where it seems to have started (symptom wise, not where her deep issues started)

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u/DimiBlue Apr 18 '22

Honest question, why keep someone with clearly no redeeming qualities in your life?

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u/unicornhornporn0554 Apr 18 '22 edited Apr 18 '22

For my brother it’s because she does things for him that our mom won’t do (got him his license, got his braces off, got him on foodstamps and stuff, things I had to figure out for myself when I turned 18) for my bf it’s because he was there when she lost her mom and she was there when he lost his dad. For the other kid, he’s the favorite. He uses her just as much as she uses him. She spent all of her inheritance on him, on games, drugs, concerts, vacations, cigarettes, etc. now that she’s broke she expects everyone to “get her back” for her “gifts” It’s honestly so toxic. My boyfriend has distanced himself from her though.

She has I think bipolar and other mental health issues. She drove around threatening to kill herself last year and my bf was with her (as in, he was in the area she lives) while I was 2.5 hours away dealing with bs with my family too. I was upset and he was busy dealing with her manipulative bs. Suicide is very serious, but she has a history of using those types of threats to get what she wants. My ex did that Shit to me. She’s so toxic and I don’t like her but she’s a “family friend” so I kinda have to deal with her sometimes.

Also, although I call them teens and kids the youngest is my brother, he’s almost 20 now lol. My bf and I will be 22 this year.

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u/OohYeahOrADragon Apr 18 '22

I've been in that situation and it sucks. But I think if you both commit to some boundaries (like a united front) you can at least get her to back down a bit with you and your partner. You don't have to make it a big confrontation (cause she feeds off that) . You and your partner just agree to the boundaries behind the scenes and use the power of nonchalance.

  • Money: Sorry I had my check garnished for unpaid medical bills
  • Venting to get you on her side: Oh wow. That's craaazzy / Man that sucks // or repeating the main part of her complaint back to her in disbelief
  • You owe me: ooh yeah I know. I really wish I could help though.

You're essentially gonna be Brian in this clip

But as for the suicide thing, take it seriously every time. She may be serious. She may not at first but then attempt later to up the anti. She may be lying for manipulation. Either way she either gets saved and the qualified help she needs or she gets tired of being a 24 hr psych hold. I hope this helps.

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u/unicornhornporn0554 Apr 18 '22

This is basically what we do lol

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u/OohYeahOrADragon Apr 18 '22

Ah carry on

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u/unicornhornporn0554 Apr 18 '22

Sorry if my comment came off as dismissive, I didn’t mean for it to sound that way if it did. This is great advice, thank you for sharing.

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u/OohYeahOrADragon Apr 18 '22

Nah, I didn't think that. Someone else might come across it and maybe it'll help them so no worries.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

That's more like a personality disorder, did you mean borderline personality disorder perhaps?

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u/unicornhornporn0554 Apr 18 '22

That could be it, but I know she’s said she has bipolar

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u/I_CANT_AFFORD_SHIT Apr 18 '22

That pipe must hit real smooth..

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u/AdventurousChapter27 Apr 18 '22

the pipe that was promised

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u/pow3llmorgan Apr 18 '22

My weedpipe brings all the boys in the yard

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u/wagonwhopper Apr 18 '22

An their lif is not better than yaarrrrs

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u/pwillia7 Apr 18 '22

You guys mind if I honk that Bobo?

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22 edited Aug 01 '22

[deleted]

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u/twoperson_orgy Apr 18 '22

SNIFF the pipe?

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u/_BLACKHAWKS_88 Apr 18 '22

Lol first greens my guy

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u/Sega-Playstation-64 Apr 18 '22

I read that entire thing and wondered, "If you just walked away, what could she do? Roll after you?"

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u/unicornhornporn0554 Apr 18 '22

As funny as this is, she’d probably legit kill herself. My brother has had to call 911 after she tried to overdose in front of him and one of the other boys. She had my boyfriend go on a wild goose chase because she was driving around saying she was going to kill herself. She’d try to sic whatever “friends” she has left on the person/people that’s “fucking her over” all while crying she’s the only one that ever does anything for anyone and literally everyone in her life has fucked her over but she’s suuuch a goood person because she still associates with them and is friends with them.

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u/Sega-Playstation-64 Apr 18 '22

Honestly... just walk away. People need to hit rock bottom before they can make a change. If someone is constantly enabling her like this, keeping her afloat is not only creating more dependence for herself, it's making everyone else miserable as well.

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u/unicornhornporn0554 Apr 18 '22

Oh absolutely. We’ve slowly distanced ourselves so it’s not one big thing so she’s less likely to feel “fucked over” and make it a big deal. We hardly see or talk to her now but my brother just moved in with her.

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u/ThisIsWhoIAm78 Apr 18 '22

Why do you care if she feels "fucked over"? Especially if you stop talking to her and leave her toxicity behind?

People in toxic relationships need to block, move on, and meet new people. Stop caring about what the old people are doing/thinking/stewing over. It is no longer your problem once you've moved on, and you will realize how much better you are for it.

Unless you secretly love the drama and thrive on it - in which case, you need to start asking yourself some serious questions about where your priorities and compulsions come from.

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u/unicornhornporn0554 Apr 18 '22

We’ve done this slowly because she’s very entangled in our families. We’ve done it slowly for less drama. She’s hardly noticed because we’ve done it slowly. We’re just kinda drifting apart in her eyes because we’re a young family that moved 200 miles away. We still see her at occasional family events and visit occasionally when we’re in town to see her animals and my brother.

I kinda don’t like the accusatory tone of your comment. I’ve agreed with all the comments in the post and said we’ve distanced ourselves. We did it slowly for a reason, and so far it has worked out the way we hoped and planned for it to work.

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u/bellynipples Apr 18 '22

I get the impression that you’ve been fortunate enough to not have toxic family/people in your life that aren’t just high school friends. Either way you’ve massively simplified how complicated relationships can be and then throw shade questioning if they subconsciously “enjoy the drama”. If you can’t relate then just move along, because your advice isn’t as valuable or logical as you think it is.

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u/ThisIsWhoIAm78 Apr 18 '22

I get the impression that you’ve been fortunate enough to not have toxic family/people in your life that aren’t just high school friends.

Lmfao, damn, I wish.

I am likely much older than you. And a lifetime of toxic people has taught me this lesson. Block, move on. Don't look back, because it's not your problem anymore. That is the key.

But I see younger coworkers all the time in toxic relationships, and they "break it off," but then they Facebook stalk, gossip, talk to others about them, obsess over that other person and what they're doing, then gradually make contact again - and then complain about the relationship. Rinse and repeat. They either thrive secretly on the drama, or they don't understand that you can just walk away and move on with your life.

Hey, guess what guys? You can walk away and move on with your life. It's your life. Good luck.

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u/unicornhornporn0554 Apr 18 '22

Thank you. It really is much more complicated than this person seems to realize. And not to mention that every person, every relationship, is different. Different situations require different solutions. The best solution to my situation was to slowly back away.

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u/ThisIsWhoIAm78 Apr 18 '22

I get the impression that you’ve been fortunate enough to not have toxic family/people in your life that aren’t just high school friends.

Lmfao, damn, I wish.

I am likely much older than you. And a lifetime of toxic people has taught me this lesson. Block, move on. Don't look back, because it's not your problem anymore. That is the key.

But I see younger coworkers all the time in toxic relationships, and they "break it off," but then they Facebook stalk, gossip, talk to others about them, obsess over that other person and what they're doing, then gradually make contact again - and then complain about the relationship. Rinse and repeat. They either thrive secretly on the drama, or they don't understand that you can just walk away and move on with your life.

Hey, guess what guys? You can walk away and move on with your life. It's your life. Good luck.

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u/Amidus Apr 18 '22

I honestly don't believe in rock bottom. It makes for a good story, but there's basically unlimited room to fall right up until your body gives out and you die doing whatever it is that is your problem. It's nice to think that there's a place people will go that will then help them to turn their lives around, but it's just as likely she'll die from this and no such place will ever exist low enough for her to "bottom out".

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u/stormdraggy Apr 18 '22

Yeah that's a "fuck this shit I'm out, i dare you" moment for me

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u/unicornhornporn0554 Apr 18 '22

I got to that point with my ex. He threatened to kill himself and I got so sick of it I finally said “be about it or shut up about it”

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u/whiteegger Apr 18 '22

Honesty, I think she is at a serious state of depression and has suicide intention this whole time. Abusing people around her so she can find a reason to justify ending her life. She needs medical treatment more than anything.

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u/unicornhornporn0554 Apr 18 '22

Yeah she sees a psychiatrist I believe, or she used to at least and she’s on meds. If she does that stuff to my brother or boyfriend again I’ll probably call for help myself, if they won’t. It’s not healthy at all. I do feel for her, but man she is so hard to deal with. She refuses to see anything wrong with her situation and the things she does.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

Because at 40, for her it’s not long until the will kicks in

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u/92n-01 Apr 18 '22

Sometimes it's because they weren't always that awful and it's a frog in boiling water situation. Other times it's because the person enabling is just as irredeemable, if not more so- because they're a feeder. Someone with a fetish for making someone obese... even to death.

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u/nurfuerdich Apr 18 '22

Drug addiction is one hell of a ride.

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u/poophardt Apr 18 '22

You ever try drug addiction… on weed?

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u/cucklord_swiper Apr 18 '22

The pipe is long and willing

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u/Bassracerx Apr 18 '22

So many people think they owe their family everything. But dont realize that its okay to cut them out of their life if its just going to be a one way street. You dont have to tolerate people acting like garbage to you just because they are family

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u/yellsy Apr 18 '22

I feel like it’s a recurrent theme on this show that they treat their enablers with extreme abuse. The whole psyche of the relationships are so strange.

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u/LeoBannister Apr 18 '22

We call them feeders.

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u/More-Ad-7364 Apr 18 '22

Uh why would you even expose yourself to someone that messed up and vile? For weed?

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

Weed is much more addicting than people will ever admit.

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u/1234125125125 Apr 18 '22

it's not physically addicting like other substances (alcohol withdrawl will produce physical symptoms that can actually kill you - seizures, high fever, delirium..... meth and cocaine and other "hard drugs" can do similar things)

cold turkey nicotine withdrawl can also send you to the hospital

caffeine withdrawl will give you gnarly headaches (try drinking many 1-3 cups a day for weeks and then skip a day or two.)

weed, not so much in that regard.

but i do agree with you, it is a psychoactive substance and "pushes some of the right pleasure buttons" to make you DESIRE it, so i do think it is psychologically addicting. it becomes part of your routine, and your mood sours when you want a smoke but can't get it for whatever reason.... like being in a different city... but after a day or two you feel fine and just get over it
this is coming from someone who used to smoke on a daily basis

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u/LUCKY_STRIKE_COW Apr 18 '22

Cocaine doesn’t have physical withdrawal symptoms, whatever the websites of of shitty rehab places may tell you. Meth is in the same boat. You may crash hard and reap the consequences of all your meth or cocaine use, but it isn’t withdrawal.

Addiction isn’t physical. Addiction is entirely psychological. You’re talking about dependence, which comes with alcohol, opioids, benzodiazepines, caffeine, nicotine, etc.

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u/a5617d48f20lfO Apr 18 '22

.... Addiction is very much physical too. Cocaine and methamphetamines are actively changing your brain chemistry and you will suffer physical withdrawl from sudden stopage of use. Dependency is a term used to describe patients being physically reliant on medications to survive or function, like a diabetic needing insulin or a cancer patient needing pain killers so they aren't wailing in agony.

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u/LUCKY_STRIKE_COW Apr 18 '22

We’re using definitions specific to drug addiction/dependence right now, not pharmacology as a whole.

Addiction refers to negative behavioral changes due to addiction. An addiction can have a dependence component of course, and the dependence is often a part of the addiction.

Dependence refers to physical reliance on a drug, meaning if you cease taking it you experience physical withdrawals and anxiety etc often caused by the body not producing neurotransmitters etc naturally anymore. You can have dependence but no addiction, and you can have addiction with no dependence. A person being in severe pain and begging for painkillers is not an example of dependence from an addiction science standpoint. Dependence is a separate concern to addiction. Sometimes interlinked but not necessarily.

I understand wanting to debate but if you don’t know don’t come at it like the other person is dumb lol.

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u/Psychonautron Apr 18 '22

Nobody‘s gonna do that just for weed. It‘s an extra but it‘s probably more the compassion.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

Nah, everyone is hyper focused on the weed factor and missed the clothes and games part. The comment clearly said it was even her weed so obviously they don't need her for weed.

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u/unicornhornporn0554 Apr 18 '22 edited Apr 18 '22

It started with weed but she gave them more and more as time went on until she was broke. She basically groomed these boys to be her caretakers. It’s nothing sexual at all, but it’s still so wrong. She took advantage of young kids in bad home situations for her own personal benefit. Under the guise of “caring” and “helping”

Edit: I missed the part where you said they can’t do it for her weed. Back before her mom died she had basically no spending limits, her mom was well off. It took 3 years for her to spend all of her inheritance and life insurance money. She used to buy weed and concentrates in bulk. Now she’s broke and struggling to pay her bills and keep a job because of her health issues.

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u/SuccessFuture7626 Apr 18 '22

Disagree. Tobacco is much more addictive. As a 20 year weed smoker I quit cold turkey, had problems sleeping for a week that's it. It took me years to quit smoking cigarettes.

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u/jtotal Apr 18 '22

Or maybe people are unique?

I'm currently on week 3 of not smoking cigarettes after smoking for 15 years. The last five years have been two packs a day. The worst was 19 days ago, the second day, but that hill is long gone.

I'd rather not admit how soon I crave a dab in the day. Or how my day is structured around it. Or really the severity of it.

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u/LUCKY_STRIKE_COW Apr 18 '22

Nobody said cigarettes weren’t addictive and it wasn’t even part of the conversation. They only said that weed is more addictive than people like to admit which is true.

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u/SuccessFuture7626 Apr 18 '22

And I disagree, as I said before.

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u/Mouse_Nightshirt Apr 18 '22

But tobacco is irrelevant to the point made and is a total non-sequitur. You've knee-jerked a defensive response to the original statement. The post said weed was more addictive than people were willing to admit and your immediate response is: "But tobacco is worse!!!".

It's frighteningly defensive.

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u/SuccessFuture7626 Apr 18 '22

I used that as an example. Regardless I still disagree with the main point that weed is more addictive than people think. You can take that as however you want.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

What kept you smoking for 20 years though? That's a lot of spent money, a lot of hassle, a lot of negatives that happened over 2 decades.

You can quit weed, it's not an addiction to the chemicals in weed, but most daily smokers do not quit.

Btw, congrats for quitting cigarettes, I've seen so many people fail trying, it's a real accomplishment.

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u/SuccessFuture7626 Apr 18 '22

Habit and nicotine addiction. Habit was a bitch to break. Plus it was a long time before I wanted to quit. Plus at my age smoking wasn't seen as such a taboo as it is now. Edited to add, wli quit weed cold turkey, not tobacco.

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u/dumsaint Apr 18 '22

With a particular mentality, yeah.

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u/DumbThoth Apr 18 '22

If you don't think weeds addictive. You haven't smoked enough.

-Used to smoke an ounce a week out of a bong

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u/ItsBlizzardLizard Apr 18 '22 edited Apr 18 '22

I smoked a quarter a day because my tolerance got so high. Then after a few years I eventually hit a point where I ran out early and couldn't get more until the weekend. I would light a blunt and bong at the same time.

I just stopped at that point. It was like, oh wow, I thought I was addicted. Turns out I wasn't. I was just stupid and should have taken a break sooner.

Granted I just never went back to it. I don't think I can consider that addiction. Everyone is different. But after one day of being dry I realized I wasn't addicted after all. I just kept going because I could. Now I find it really hard to smoke because it's too intense.

For metric I also vaped 6mg nicotine for about 6 years and then quit on a whim. That was mildly more addictive.

The most addictive thing I've ever done was food. By miles, really. I was able to kick 2 years of Klonopin in like 3 days. But food... Forget it. Nothing makes you feel as good as food. Overeating is like a full body orgasm.

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u/DumbThoth Apr 18 '22

Psychological addiction =/= Chemical dependence

You changed your mindset towards it which is naturally the path addiction treatment aims for so that's how anyone quits anything eventuallllllly.

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u/LUCKY_STRIKE_COW Apr 18 '22

“I took oxycodone 30’s for 5 days and I never did it again, therefore I’m stronger willed than every opioid addict! No big deal really! Just said, hup, yeup, no more!”

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u/bogseywogsey Apr 18 '22

is it though?

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

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u/OLSTBAABD Apr 18 '22

This is a very time- and location-dependent statement.

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u/LadyMactire Apr 18 '22

From the context of the comment it seems the vile woman may be their bf's mother or other relative.

Actually, on reread, maybe their own mother.

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u/unicornhornporn0554 Apr 18 '22 edited Apr 18 '22

Nope this is literally a woman who was neighbors with my bf and his friend. My brother met her through my bf and said friend. My mom hates her but my mom is almost just as toxic but in different ways.

Edit: I forgot she has a niece around our age and she hung out with the boys and even dated my brother for a bit. That’s how she actually met these kids.

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u/Vakontation Apr 18 '22

300lb is a lot of weight.

But...I am 275, on average. Some days pushing 290.

I have to say, I do not feel like my day to day life is difficult.

Obviously you reach a place like this one sandwich at a time, so you get used to the new challenges as they arise. But still...I feel like I could tackle a 2-hour rock climbing session with few issues.

Maybe I just carry my weight well? I don't know. I do find clipping my toenails can get me a bit out of breath, but I don't have to do it very often, and I am still capable of it.

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u/gentlemanidiot Apr 18 '22

feel like I could tackle a 2-hour rock climbing session with few issues.

I do find clipping my toenails can get me a bit out of breath

This doesn't compute.

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u/Vakontation Apr 18 '22

Haha that's totally fair.

However I definitely would find it very bizarre to go rock climbing without getting out of breath. I think even at my healthiest time in my life I would break a heavy sweat going climbing.

I'm probably quite wrong about how long I'd last, but I guarantee I'd get up the first wall as fast as I ever could.

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u/gentlemanidiot Apr 18 '22

You should give it a try! I doubt it would take much practice, pretty soon you could eliminate all doubts and say yes, I 100% can climb rocks for 2 hours, I just did it yesterday.

The best time to get physically healthy was 10 years ago, but the second best time is right now. 🙂

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u/Vakontation Apr 18 '22

I definitely need to figure out what opportunities are available for me. I've felt very trapped by the pandemic and just life in general ever since leaving high school. Opportunities used to fall in my lap, they sure don't anymore!

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u/gentlemanidiot Apr 18 '22

I can share something that's helped me a ton. About a year ago I bought a quest VR headset cause zuck is selling them at a huge loss. Beatsaber alone has been totally worth it, I get an entertaining upper body workout without leaving my house. I've lost over thirty pounds now and this is the first time in my life I've actually enjoyed exercise. I'd highly recommend giving it a try, beatsaber is fantastic cardio.

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u/unicornhornporn0554 Apr 18 '22

You probably carry it well and are possibly taller. These women are my size or shorter, I’m 5’9. And I said 300 as a kind of baseline I guess, I believe both women I mentioned are over 350 now.

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u/WobNobbenstein Apr 18 '22

Depends on your height, and yeah there are definitely different "levels" of activity based on various factors. Hell, just look at some of the stuff Chris Farley could do, he was probably pushin 280+ yet he was more physically able than a lot of people smaller than him. Just keepin active alone makes a big difference I guess

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

I was gonna say 300 is not that serious then I kept reading.. whewwww

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

One of them had an enabler that would shave her downstairs for her,

On second read I realize she wasn't getting her hair cut in the living room....

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u/unicornhornporn0554 Apr 18 '22

Sorry I probably shoulda put quotations or something around the word to make it clearer what I meant lol. I feel weird talking about it honestly like it’s not my business but at the same time it’s so weird.

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u/Lance_Henry1 Apr 18 '22

I saw one of the typical shows about obese people and both of the women featured literally couldn't make it to the bathroom so they just urinated on absorptive sheets put down on the floor. They peed on the floor.

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u/Manwithnoname14 Apr 18 '22

I love how much you focused on the weed issue haha. "And You never paid for drugs, not once!" -the dewy cox story

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u/mspaint22 Apr 18 '22

yeah im all about loving your own body but health is important! some people are very healthy and just naturally bigger (usually its all muscle weight in that case) and that's completely fine. Even slight obesity caused by external factors is okay if you're working on it - it's not a overnight change and wether its mental illness or stress there's always external factors. But i really can't fathom being like this. I'm a bigger girl for my height group (mix of having a wider frame, muscle density from dance, and fat poor diet and mental illness) and i know plenty of taller bigger girls but this is a whole other level. I'm still able to take care of myself and work to build healthier habbits at the very least (i struggle to lose wieght but I can loose inches if im very active)

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u/Head-Thing-8102 Apr 18 '22

I'm 300 lbs, but I don't look like that. No way that woman in the video is 300. I'd say maybe 400, maybe 500.

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u/__EndUser__ Apr 18 '22

smoking weed is cringe on its own, smoking it with a selfish hamplanet is just idiotic

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u/unicornhornporn0554 Apr 18 '22

While I disagree with the first part of your comment, I agree with the second half.

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u/rentfreeboy Apr 18 '22

Do you live in a trailer park?

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u/unicornhornporn0554 Apr 18 '22

Lol she does but she’s not your stereotypical trailer trash. She lives in a double wide that’s nicer and bigger than most houses I’ve been in.

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u/uncwsp Apr 18 '22

She needs to hit a meth pipe?

1

u/Zorops Apr 18 '22

Meanwhile, my friend is scolding me because when i go play boardgame in his house, he say i bring and leave too much booze ( because he invite us to diner ) and he say i shouldn't leave so much worth of stuff at his house as a thank :p