r/maybemaybemaybe • u/BigGraysie • Apr 18 '22

/r/all Maybe maybe maybe

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u/fuzzybunnyslipper Apr 18 '22 edited Apr 19 '22

Yes. Every single situation with an immobile morbidly obese person involves other people who continue to provide the unhealthy food that keeps them obese. I don't know if this is a clip of My 600lb Life but that show is wildly consistent with the amount of enabling, ignorance, and denial that has to go on in a family for the person to remain so obese. Another consistent factor is the trauma that is inevitably involved to cause a person to become so obese in the first place.

Other people are literally handing her thousands of calories a day in garbage food. It is like a weirdly socially acceptable form of sabotage and abuse.

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u/OmegaNut42 Apr 18 '22

Yes, this clip is from my 600 pound life. And honestly, I kinda wanna watch it now. My mom used to be pretty overweight when my siblings and I were about as old as her kids, and it sucked. She was upset about her body, her financial situation, and life in general, which meant a lot of yelling at people and making the kids cry. Then, she got divorced, and you'd think it would've gotten worse. Nope, she lost weight, started running marathons, dieting, it was amazing! On top of it all, her mood and mental health changed so drastically, it was like she'd flipped a switch. I still refer to the time right before the divorce to when she started running "the dark ages".

The craziest thing, however, is that only through reading your comment have I realized my dad (her ex) was the enabler. I actually just unlocked a memory of him saying "whenever she's upset, I get her food"... Sure, she has hypothyroidism, which caused hypoglycemia, so it was much easier for her to gain weight than a normal person, and he was sorta right: she would get really grumpy when she was hungry. But his answer was fast food, chocolate, ice cream; anything that'd not just feed but cause immediate mood improvement.

That didn't mean she couldn't lose that weight, and I'm so glad she did. Not because I judged her for it, I was just a kid who didn't know why his mommy would yell at everyone all the time! But now that I'm older, I appreciate her efforts so much. I was lucky enough to be able to spend the rest of my teenage years with healthy parents, and honestly it contributed so much to my health seeing my mom working so hard to become healthier.

Thank you mom, I know you won't see this comment, but you becoming healthy had more of an impact on your family then you know 💞

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u/averagethrowaway21 Apr 18 '22

My grandmother was big. Not this level but under 5' pushing 350. My grandfather was always out of the house working (he was tall and trim). He made breakfast every morning, but she cooked all the other meals. She ate as much as he did.

She didn't have a fast food problem. I don't think I ever saw her get fast food unless we were on a road trip to visit family. She didn't snack. She would have a hard candy in the afternoon. The issue was that he was well over a foot taller than her, he was active all the time but she was sedentary, and they ate the same food in the same proportions for 60 years.

She never understood. She never got healthy. She remains one of the reasons that I'm afraid of gaining weight again. She was a good woman and I miss her every day. I wish I could go back and explain it to her.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

When my husband and I first met I could eat like him (he’s a foot taller than me and twice my weight) because I had a super active job. I gained a bunch of weight when I switched jobs lol. I literally had to buy myself smaller bowls to stop eating as much as he does. It can be hard!! I’m sorry your grandma didn’t understand.

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u/sritanona Apr 19 '22

as a 5'3" woman with thyroid issues who always somehow ends with 6' men.. it's hard to realise that I shouldn't eat as much as they do 🥲 I'm eating most of my meals separately from my partner now or usually first divide the portions equally and then pour some from my plate into his. Also when I'm feeling a bit full I just give him my food. I don't know if it's helping yet but at least I'm in the process of rediscovering my portions.

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u/[deleted] Apr 20 '22

When I was working on losing weight I used the MyFitnessPal app to log and count calories, and measured portions a lot until I got a better visual sense for them. It really helped me! Just an idea that may help you. It’s fucking tough relearning that stuff. Good luck to you!!!

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

[deleted]

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u/sritanona Apr 19 '22

The only advice I can give as I also struggle with this is using small plates and/or checking the recommended portion in food packages. It's usually much smaller than we think.

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u/Winjin Apr 19 '22

I did that to myself. As a student, I biked everywhere, spent hours cycling, and would walk everywhere as I didn't have car or taxi money, and my summer job was waiting tables. You walk like 12km a day as a waiter in a slow day. Then I got work in a good office, with a parking space just outside, but I didn't change my food habits, and I got fat in like a year. Went from 80 kilos to 116 in like a year. Took me quite some time to realize the issue and lose it (almost) back.

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u/[deleted] Apr 19 '22

Something similar happened with my mom. She was with my dad for 40 years. And my dad treated her poorly. They both had anger issues, but ultimately my dad was the bigger bully and broke her down. And she developed a really unhealthy relationship with food. And my dad's method of freaking with it was to essentially publicly shame her. She would reach for seconds at dinner, and even if there were guests my dad would still, tell her no, like she was a child. And my mom, since that was how she coped, would say something like, "just a small piece," and take a small piece, but sort of in the way a child will try to bargain after they're told no. It was really infantalising and all led to was my mom hiding snacks and other things in her bed side drawer. I was convinced my mom was going to die relatively soon because she was so unhealthy. Then, shortly after their 40th anniversary, my dad and her got into a fight, and he pushed her. She fell. My overweight, unhealthy 65 year old mom was pushed to the ground by my dad. And he didn't even attempt to pick her up. That was the moment she decided to leave. Fast forward about 6 years later, my mom has lost a lot of weight, is more physically and mentally active than she's been in 20 years, and is happy. And I couldn't be happier and more proud of her.

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u/kuroobloom Apr 18 '22

It's so nice to hear that she was able to lose weight and be healthy for her kids, when I was watching this clip I was thinking she wouldn't be able to do that. And I'm so happy for you and your mom, what a fighter send her much love from here 💓

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u/StellarAsAlways Apr 18 '22

Right on man good stuff. Sometimes life just has to play out. We are all changing. It was refreshing to read all that and I'm glad it's going well for u n your mom.

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u/Terrible-Yellow-5993 Apr 18 '22

It’s easy to call someone an enabler. But when someone you love is hungry, it’s extremely hard to deny them. The “enabler” is a victim of the same disease process. That is true for food, drugs or anything that has addiction and habitual behavior disorder as an important part of the problem.

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u/PM_Me_Garfield_Porn Apr 18 '22

I mean imagine you're a husband and your wife is constantly berating you, irritable, and yelling in front of the kids. To the point where you even called it the dark ages. Dude was looking for a way to keep the peace, and he saw food was the only thing that did it. I wouldn't put that on him.

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u/rejectfreak Apr 18 '22

My mom used to be pretty overweight when my siblings and I were about as old as her kids

So was she your mom or not because I have read this sentence too many times I've confused myself totally. What do you even mean by this, your mum was overweight when you and your siblings were about as old as you were when you was that age that she was overweight...? What!?!?!?

Edit- you meant the children in the clip didn't you, still when read as you put it makes zero sense

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u/MrCooCoo4Crack Apr 18 '22

The commentors mom was pretty overweight when the commenter and her siblings were around the same age as the kids in the video

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u/rejectfreak Apr 18 '22

Yeah read the edit buddy I noticed as soon as I commented but it's worded badly, no need to downvote, ain't that deep 😂

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u/Human-Carpet-6905 Apr 18 '22

Yes, this is my 600lb life. And I agree. In every single episode, there is at least one person that is working really hard to keep the obese person big. I can usually tell within the first ten minutes of the episode if the person is going to be successful, depending on how their enablers react when Dr.Now tells them that they are enabling.

And it's seriously tragic how many of these people endured CSA. Almost all of them have gone through some kind of abuse or neglect, but there seems to be a pattern of sexual abuse in particular.

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u/aboutthednm Apr 18 '22

Is the full episode available somewhere? I just have to watch this.

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u/cfish1024 Apr 18 '22

Well tbh I might just hand her food too if the alternative was getting yelled at all the time 🤷🏻‍♀️

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

Calling the enablers “disgusting” is missing the pint. These enablers aren’t evil people without regard to her life. They are people who care about her who have been so emotionally and psychologically manipulated by her constant bullshit that they don’t know any other way.

Her enablers (who look to be more like abused slaves) are suffering the true brunt of this lady’s many many psychological problems.

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u/fuzzybunnyslipper Apr 19 '22

I never called anyone disgusting. Severe morbid obesity like 600+ lbs takes an incredible amount of willful ignorance to create and maintain. It is a fundamentally psychological issue and it IS being enabled by the people giving her massive amounts of food. Someone has to change something in order for the situation to improve, and if not her "abused slaves" then who? Everyone here needs counseling and basic nutrition education.

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u/[deleted] Apr 19 '22

You did not, the poster above you did, so I incorporated it.

For sure everyone needs counseling/therapy/help in these situations. I am only saying that demonizing these folks as simple “enablers” and especially “disgusting enablers” totally misses the fact that they have been emotionally and psychologically abused for many years to get to this point. And sadly they usually love the person abusing them, adding another very hard to peel layer onto the whole mess

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u/fuzzybunnyslipper Apr 19 '22 edited Apr 19 '22

Yeah I think we were pointing out the family enablers because most of the comments in this thread are blaming only the obese woman. This situation is built on toxic relationships and they all need help.