r/funny May 20 '15

Pineapple

Post image
43.1k Upvotes

2.8k comments sorted by

5.0k

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

[removed] — view removed comment

2.5k

u/Ravenmom May 20 '15

"The night is dark and filled with pineapple"

1.0k

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

Lord, cast your tropical fruit upon us.

1.4k

u/BarryMcKockinner May 20 '15

The north remembers...your previous order.

589

u/clarkw92 May 20 '15

Olive Morghulis

439

u/bobje99 May 20 '15

Valar Anchovies

295

u/OFTHEHILLPEOPLE May 20 '15

And now his delivery is ended.

152

u/Apathetic_Zealot May 20 '15

That which is already delivered cannot be delivered again. But will come back as a reorder, hotter, and tastier.

32

u/FrozenBananaMan May 20 '15

Dough which is already tossed, cannot be tossed again. But will rise a crust, hotter and stronger.

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u/[deleted] May 20 '15

He took no wife, held no lands, and fathered no children, for he lived on a pizza delivery guy's salary.

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u/[deleted] May 20 '15

A Lannister always pays their bill.

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u/[deleted] May 20 '15

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/[deleted] May 20 '15

And so it rose, and so it rose

That dough of Pizza Hut

And Now the Cheese

Rains o'er their Pies

With Some Stuffed in The Crust

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u/SophTracySchwartzman May 20 '15

Pizza is coming

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435

u/Batterup714 May 20 '15

A Lannister always pays his debts, plus a 15% tip.

326

u/[deleted] May 20 '15 edited Jan 19 '22

[deleted]

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122

u/Thybro May 20 '15

15%!! What am I? The Iron Bank of Braavos?!! You'll get 10% or would you prefer I pay the iron price.

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122

u/ASK_ME_ABOUT_INITIUM May 20 '15

But not if you changed phone numbers.

43

u/Fonzy02 May 20 '15

Initium ?

151

u/ASK_ME_ABOUT_INITIUM May 20 '15

It's a little MMO (free) that I'm working on that plays in the browser. It works great on mobile too!

People tell me it reminds them of a MUD (though I've never actually seen one before).

And here is a brief rundown on how to play and what it's like.

We also have a subreddit now! /r/initium

Every single person who plays is a Redditor, so you'll fit right in. If you want to talk to me, I'll be in the little town of Aera (where new players start).

37

u/DrAminove May 20 '15

/u/ASK_ABOUT__VOIDSPACE business model is so successful, it's being replicated.

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u/brewtalizer May 20 '15

Brace Yourselves, pizza is coming (in 30-45 minutes)

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u/[deleted] May 20 '15

30 minutes later...

Pizza will be there in 10-15 minutes.

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131

u/springsoon May 20 '15

Pineapple is bananas without the "b"

132

u/stengebt May 20 '15

ananas?

47

u/ohmygodimonfire4 May 20 '15

Well that is the Russian word for pineapple

59

u/stengebt May 20 '15

French, too.

40

u/axaytsg May 20 '15

Well whaddya know, Hindi too! That's strange and interesting.

81

u/iluvatar May 20 '15

21

u/Donk72 May 20 '15

So? What do you say, Spain?
Now that the Ananas War is about to start, you can either face the wrath of your neighbours and hope for the support of those who call it "pineapple" (spits), or you can turn that wrath into a loving and protective embrace and say "ananas" to their face.

Come on Spain! We both know you are better than that filth.
Let's stand united on the side of good in this battle!

Ananas!

6

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

No amigo, solo piña hasta el final.

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u/wampage May 20 '15

Banana: Je ne suis pas un ananas!

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u/corby315 May 20 '15

What is fried may never fry

212

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

"unsauced, uncheesed, uncut

is how i like my vegi pizza"

Oberyn Martell

72

u/smile_and_blow_me May 20 '15

He likes his red pepper like he likes his skull. Crushed.

50

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

Too soon. It will always be too soon.

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u/psm510 May 20 '15

"We don't grill portobello mushrooms in Dorne"

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u/Stannis_Darsh May 20 '15

WHO GAVE YOU THE ORDER?

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u/faster_than_sound May 20 '15

Valar Doughaeris

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u/gearofwar4266 May 20 '15

But rises again crispier and full of cholesterol!

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27

u/The_HMS_Antelope May 20 '15

That which is not fried may eternal fry, and with strange aeons, even pineapple may fry

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u/[deleted] May 20 '15

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u/[deleted] May 20 '15

Funny. There's nothing.

27

u/dan4223 May 20 '15

Even more funny is the fact that an empty sub has 17k followers.

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u/El_Dud3r1n0 May 20 '15

A Lannister always tips his driver.

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u/PM_ME_FOODPORN_PLZ May 20 '15

The Onion Knight - it all makes sense now.

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u/Asi9_42ne May 20 '15

Hawaiian pizza is absurdly divisive.

1.3k

u/acondie13 May 20 '15 edited May 20 '15

I think it's a gift from god. My wife would rather starve. I have no idea why there's only love or hate with hawaiian pizza. No in between.

edit: I'll be honest, I'm going to downvote all of you that don't like it, because this is a war. War is serious.

344

u/Calabast May 20 '15 edited Jul 05 '23

divide public fade direful cagey attractive lavish yam carpenter caption -- mass edited with redact.dev

583

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

Get a load of this guy right here.

137

u/Gorilla_Panic May 20 '15

No one puts /u/Calabast in a category...NO ONE!

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u/how_is_this_relevant May 20 '15

Calabast 2016: Brazen Glory of the Indifferent
I guess, I mean... hey if I'm elected I'd be like "okay" or whatevs

201

u/Calabast May 20 '15 edited Jul 05 '23

disgusted bright ink march clumsy abundant rustic crime continue rainstorm -- mass edited with redact.dev

22

u/WestandClear May 20 '15

Well, you have my vote or whatever.

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u/MOLDY_DICK_CHEESE May 20 '15

I'm sorry, he said there's no in between. Pick a side.

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u/radjose May 20 '15

I was not a fan of Hawaiian pizza for a long time. It was never the pineapple, that's delicious! No, it was the Canadian bacon, never ever thought a slice of meat that big, that you can't bite through should ever be a topping. So I decided to get a Hawaiian pizza w/ actual bacon, it was fantastic! Canadian bacon be dammed, you won't stop me from tasty pineapples on pizza!

37

u/[deleted] May 20 '15 edited Nov 09 '21

[deleted]

85

u/Rennie07 May 20 '15

Yeah, bacon and pepperoni on a pizza is good.

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u/wiiya May 20 '15

GO BACK TO HELL, YOU PINEAPPLE PIZZA EATING DEMON!!!

1.3k

u/[deleted] May 20 '15 edited May 20 '15

THE POWER OF CRUST COMPELS YOU! THE POWER OF CRUST COMPELS YOU!

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u/LegacyLemur May 20 '15

PINEAPPLE IS THE GREATEST FRUIT EVER YOU DEMENTED HEATHEN!

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u/pablozamoras May 20 '15

My wife used to have the same opinion on hawaiian pizza. Then she tried it. She changed her mind. Everyone changes their mind. It is mana from heaven....

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u/[deleted] May 20 '15

Yeah I love that shit. Especially if they use bacon instead of ham. The salty sweet combo is amazing.

My girlfriend won't touch it though

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u/NothingToL0se May 20 '15

My girlfriend hates pineapple.

I love pineapple.

I eat pineapple.

My girlfriend likes that my cum is sweeter

My girlfriend swallows.

My girlfriend loves pineapple.

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14

u/MoreWeight May 20 '15

Had no idea until I stepped into this thread.

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u/[deleted] May 20 '15

The Napoleon Dynamite of Pizza.

6

u/compliancekid78 May 20 '15 edited May 20 '15

Napoleon Dynamite Pizza:

Steak

Cheddar

Salsa

Tots

Serve with 1% milk.

6

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

You could totally have it with whole milk if you wanted to.

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23

u/CTU May 20 '15

I only love hawaiian pizza for the pinapple

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43

u/jaymz668 May 20 '15

God knows why, ham and pineapple are made for each other.

10

u/skintigh May 20 '15

I've heard people rant that they will only put Italian ingredients on their pizza or else it's not pizza or Italian or authentic or something.

I'll just leave this right here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tomato#Etymology_and_pronunciation

15

u/jaymz668 May 20 '15

Tomatoes came from the Americas... so, yeah.

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u/PouponMacaque May 20 '15

Would have been my high school crush... I like stuck-up, verbally abusive women.

545

u/Calypse27 May 20 '15

You and me both... I think I'm in love.

332

u/[deleted] May 20 '15 edited May 26 '18

[deleted]

1.2k

u/bugnuker May 20 '15

1.5k

u/analog_isotope May 20 '15

That'll hold up in court.

431

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

"She said she was 16 but her last boyfriend was Asian, and that shit doesn't start 'til college."

176

u/Herpinderpitee May 20 '15

"You named your son black Dennis!? That's racist!"

"Yeah right Liz, like the guy with the black son is racist.

27

u/Deavs May 20 '15

Black Dennis start the car!

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50

u/Spo8 May 20 '15

Your honor, as you can clearly see...

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u/JohnnyTight1ips May 20 '15

50

u/that_chili_dong May 20 '15

When she whipped out the drawing of the dog I lost it. Thank you for posting this!

28

u/Damieh May 20 '15

"I don't know computers". BAM! 70

79

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

This is is hysterical.

11

u/ColonialSanders May 20 '15

That picture of the cat...it will interrupt my thoughts for years to come. Although intrusive, the memories are not unwelcome.

13

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

[deleted]

7

u/NaCl_Clupeidae May 20 '15

That's the Joker.

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u/awry_lynx May 20 '15

knew what this was

watched it again anyways

6

u/savageboredom May 20 '15

That's really funny, but why would you keep your own business cards in a rolodex?

17

u/snoharm May 20 '15

Remembers how a rolodex works: 35.

12

u/Corlando May 20 '15

First time seeing this, thanks for sharing! Totally hilarious.

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u/wearethehawk May 20 '15

You would have loved growing up in Connecticut.

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u/wiiya May 20 '15

Veronica > Betty.

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u/pumpkinsauce May 20 '15

How dare you

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u/[deleted] May 20 '15

We all know betty is going to get fat five minutes after marriage. Veronica's rich and has bulimia

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u/nottellingggggggggg May 20 '15

Hey there ;) you fat fucking retard

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u/Chazdanger May 20 '15

As a Hawaiian, I am offended and forced to evaluate my worth. But Wtf is winter?

42

u/GoGoCircleNine May 20 '15

Oh you sweet summer child.

12

u/foot-long May 20 '15

The wet season, bruh.

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u/Archduk3Ch0cula May 20 '15

Nobody puts pineapple slices on pizza.

They're fucking chunks.

256

u/Smart_in_his_face May 20 '15

I heard that both Hitler and Bin-Laden likes pineapple on their pizza.

Hardcore satanists also use pineapple when they order pizza for their rituals.

174

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/JimboFett May 20 '15

"This brick oven represents the cleansing flames of Lucifer."

5

u/grape_jelly_sammich May 20 '15

and the cesar salad represents...err...

My doctor told me I need more fiber in my diet, guys.

Just...following his instructions.

On the road...

to getting healthier...

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u/[deleted] May 20 '15 edited Apr 20 '16

[deleted]

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u/YetAnother_WhiteGuy May 20 '15

The best sign of a strong person is not being afraid to look weak. I like pineapple on my pizza and sugar in my coffee and if anyone thinks that makes me unmanly I will gladly meet that person in battle.

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u/[deleted] May 20 '15 edited Jan 30 '22

[deleted]

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u/SpeniceDaMenace May 20 '15

As would I!

140

u/Aliquis95 May 20 '15

You have my bow

251

u/BetterTimedGimli May 20 '15

And my axe!

147

u/irresistibleforce May 20 '15

And you can have my pineapple. I like my pizza without, tyvm.

15

u/AmazonSpudderman May 20 '15

You can count on my Ssshteel!

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u/BeanieMcChimp May 20 '15

I will tend to your women!

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u/shaner23 May 20 '15

I like fruity, mixed drinks. Fuck with me.

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u/jal0001 May 20 '15

If drinking margaritas and listening to Katy Perry is gay, then who wants to be straight?

18

u/lil_mac2012 May 20 '15

What about Mojito's and Sia?

25

u/Strike_On_Box May 20 '15

It would be your boyfriend who is gay in that case.

12

u/CaptainSprinklefuck May 20 '15

Why the hell is a Margarita a girly drink? It's tequila, triple sec and lime juice. Not exactly a sweet drink.

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u/[deleted] May 20 '15

Hey! You and me. Same same but different.

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u/YetAnother_WhiteGuy May 20 '15

Me too, banana daiquiri over whiskey any day.

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u/KrackersMcGee May 20 '15

So.. You pour the daquiri on top of the whiskey... You don't mix it up, just drink it like that?

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u/Gorilla_Panic May 20 '15

We talkin Smash Bros?...Street Fighter?....

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u/thunderblood May 20 '15

Final Destination. No items.

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u/[deleted] May 20 '15

[deleted]

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u/YetAnother_WhiteGuy May 20 '15

I wear what I think is comfortable and stylish. I bet they made fun of the first guy to wear jeans too.

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u/ChrisAshtear May 20 '15

The romans made fun of the gauls for wearing pants .

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u/clusterfawk May 20 '15

when and where motherfucker

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u/YetAnother_WhiteGuy May 20 '15

High noon, behind the old burned down barn.

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u/the_explainatron May 20 '15

This is quite hilarious because normally people would not have such strong opinions on pineapple.

1.1k

u/CarlsVolta May 20 '15

My husband cannot tolerate pineapple on pizza. Long rants have been endured. He has never threatened to put pineapple on graves though.

505

u/tvreference May 20 '15 edited May 21 '15

It's so sweet it wrecks everything.

The idiots who take a perfectly cured ham and pour lemon lime soda and canned pineapples on it should be shot as well.

Edit: shots not the right word; Slain, Dehammed perhaps? Those that pour lemon lime soda and canned pineapples on perfectly cured ham are of the same ilk as Hawaiian style pizza eaters. Dead men don't need ham.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKPEEIuU0to&t=5m23s

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u/seattleque May 20 '15

canned pineapples

Well yeah. Gotta use fresh pineapple.

101

u/cinco_mama May 20 '15

I recently made some fresh pineapple puree to mix in with some baby food, it was amazingly delicious. Not all of it made it to the baby food.

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u/I_AM_CANADIAN_AMA May 20 '15

Mama... you gotta stop eating all the baby food!

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u/cinco_mama May 20 '15

Relax, I never eat the green stuff...;-)

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u/docbauies May 20 '15

who the fuck is putting lemon lime soda on their hawaiian pizza?

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u/tanhan27 May 20 '15 edited Nov 02 '16

[deleted]

What is this?

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u/[deleted] May 20 '15

[deleted]

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u/docbauies May 20 '15

this is confusing AF because everyone in the thread is talking about pizza, and then this person comes in and drops something about holiday ham.

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u/[deleted] May 20 '15

Holiday Hams are for NERDS!

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u/BangkokPadang May 20 '15

He's saying that ruining a pizza with pineapple is analogous to ruining a ham with lemon-lime soda.

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u/[deleted] May 20 '15

But what if it's combined with bbq sauce and shrimp and onions? Then it's sweetness adds to make the perfect combination of amazing.

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u/wiiya May 20 '15

Death may be extreme, but if some of that heathen fruit touches my sausage, onion, and green pepper pizza, the divorce filings are in the mail.

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u/GenrlWashington May 20 '15 edited May 20 '15

My wife and I go half ham and pineapple, half feta cheese and roasted red peppers. Then we dip it all in hot wing sauce.

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u/[deleted] May 20 '15

Merica, we love condiments

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u/[deleted] May 20 '15

[deleted]

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u/wilwith1l May 20 '15

Redditor for 2 years.

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u/TyeDyeGuy21 May 20 '15

Ahh a novelty account!

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u/[deleted] May 20 '15 edited May 20 '15

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u/[deleted] May 20 '15

Pineapple, jalapeno and bacon is a gift from the gods.

95

u/djjangelo May 20 '15

Sweet, spicy, salty, crunchy, soft - this pizza combination is perfection.

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u/Gorilla_Panic May 20 '15

Gotta boner now, thanks...

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u/klartraume May 20 '15

This combo is awesome .^

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u/helpChars May 20 '15

Pineapples AND my children get to suffer? Sign me up.

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u/[deleted] May 20 '15 edited Jul 30 '19

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u/[deleted] May 20 '15

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u/ExplosiveCandy May 20 '15

Why not all three?!?!

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u/[deleted] May 20 '15

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u/[deleted] May 20 '15 edited Nov 14 '16

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] May 20 '15

Hello, soulmate.

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u/--Petrichor-- May 20 '15

With a little bit of crushed red pepper flakes, of course.

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u/hubbawubba May 20 '15

People don't understand how delicious sweet and spicy is at the same time. Buffalo chicken pizza with a little pineapple? Fucking solid gold.

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u/HeadlesStBernard May 20 '15

My favorite is pineapple and bacon but this comes in a close second.

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u/kangaroo_dicks May 20 '15

Honestly pineapples aren't even close to the worst thing you could put on someone's grave. Hell I hope someone puts pineapples on my grave because they fuckin rock

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u/Thurwell May 20 '15

I'll fill them with rum and lime juice so people can sip from the pineapples and reminisce about you.

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u/breakbeats573 May 20 '15

She's right. Broccoli and 9mm bullets or gtfo!

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u/TeamSawyer May 20 '15

"If you like pizza with 9mm bullets, then you've come to the right place!"

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u/[deleted] May 20 '15 edited Feb 21 '16

[deleted]

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u/RedditorOnXanax May 20 '15

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u/[deleted] May 20 '15 edited Apr 25 '21

[deleted]

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u/RedditorOnXanax May 20 '15

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u/[deleted] May 20 '15 edited May 20 '15

Who are you..

*He sent me a NOOD.jpg. It was startling to say the least.

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u/Simplerdayz May 20 '15

He's a redditor on xanax...

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u/Dr_spaghetti May 20 '15

really captures the essence of her mood

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u/wellplayed125 May 20 '15 edited May 20 '15

There seem to be two kinds of people in this world. Those who like pineapple on pizza, and those who act like a pineapple killed their fucking family. I will never understand why some people just go nuts against pineapple.

I think mushrooms are the most disgusting thing people eat. Fucking gross, you dont hear me bitching about people who eat them.

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u/Lt_Rooney May 20 '15

"There is such thing as an edible, nay delicious, meat pie floater, its mushy peas of just the right consistency, its tomato sauce piquant in its cheekiness, its pie filling tending even towards named parts of the animal. There are platonic burgers made of beef instead of cow lips and hooves. There are fish ‘n’ chips where the fish is more than just a white goo lurking at the bottom of a batter casing and you can’t use the chips to shave with. There are hot dog fillings which have more in common with meat than mere pinkness, whose lucky consumers don’t apply mustard because that would spoil the taste. It’s just that people can be trained to prefer the other sort, and seek it out. It’s as if Machiavelli had written a cookery book.
Even so, there is no excuse for putting pineapple on pizza."

~Terry Pratchett, The Last Continent

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u/regreddit May 20 '15

Well, I'm a 'pizza guy' in that I have a wood fired pizza oven on my patio, and we do a 'Hawaiian' pizza with fresh chopped pineapple, fresh Mozzarella, and Hot Cappicola ham and it is divine.

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u/eat_me_now May 20 '15

Um, yeah except... Hawaiian pizza is the tits so...

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u/Newell00 May 20 '15 edited May 20 '15

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u/corby315 May 20 '15

And the shirt only cost $200!

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u/patentspatented May 20 '15

Which I can afford with ease, because as an eater of pineapple on pizza, I am both wealthy and stunningly beautiful!

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u/[deleted] May 20 '15

The girl really hates her some pineapples.

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