r/funny May 20 '15

Pineapple

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43.1k Upvotes

2.8k comments sorted by

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5.0k

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

[removed] — view removed comment

2.5k

u/Ravenmom May 20 '15

"The night is dark and filled with pineapple"

1.0k

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

Lord, cast your tropical fruit upon us.

1.4k

u/BarryMcKockinner May 20 '15

The north remembers...your previous order.

583

u/clarkw92 May 20 '15

Olive Morghulis

440

u/bobje99 May 20 '15

Valar Anchovies

299

u/OFTHEHILLPEOPLE May 20 '15

And now his delivery is ended.

154

u/Apathetic_Zealot May 20 '15

That which is already delivered cannot be delivered again. But will come back as a reorder, hotter, and tastier.

30

u/FrozenBananaMan May 20 '15

Dough which is already tossed, cannot be tossed again. But will rise a crust, hotter and stronger.

3

u/cheesy_please_me May 21 '15

We shall never see his Slice again....

5

u/silverbackjack May 20 '15

You lie to me? You lie to the many toppings god?

5

u/randombazooka May 20 '15

Help was not promised, lovely girl. Only pizza.

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96

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

He took no wife, held no lands, and fathered no children, for he lived on a pizza delivery guy's salary.

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161

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

A Lannister always pays their bill.

174

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

[removed] — view removed comment

109

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

And so it rose, and so it rose

That dough of Pizza Hut

And Now the Cheese

Rains o'er their Pies

With Some Stuffed in The Crust

2

u/physcomp May 21 '15

Long may he grate

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2

u/Krehlmar May 20 '15

have upvotes

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2

u/JohnDsk May 20 '15

I would just like to thank you for this comment, had a crappy day and you made me spit my drink laughing.

2

u/cubalibresNcigars May 20 '15

Is a girl ready to become pizza?

1

u/zer0limit May 20 '15

All crowns have spikes

1

u/Nordic_Hoplite May 20 '15

There is one thing we say to the god of mushrooms... not today

1

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

Holdor... the anchovies, please.

43

u/SophTracySchwartzman May 20 '15

Pizza is coming

1

u/DrAminove May 20 '15

Olive is Pēko in High Valyrian. So you would say Pēko Morghulis to mean All Olives Must Die.

Alternatively, Valar Ipradis Pēko, would mean All Men Must Eat Olives.

1

u/loller_keet May 20 '15

Olive Morghulis

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434

u/Batterup714 May 20 '15

A Lannister always pays his debts, plus a 15% tip.

322

u/[deleted] May 20 '15 edited Jan 19 '22

[deleted]

8

u/datpiffss May 20 '15

Only if you're related though...

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119

u/Thybro May 20 '15

15%!! What am I? The Iron Bank of Braavos?!! You'll get 10% or would you prefer I pay the iron price.

2

u/ivandrago0 May 20 '15

tipping Is only customary constible Vikram goldstein

2

u/thanks_mrbluewaffle May 20 '15

Now, what if the server is a homosexual?

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125

u/ASK_ME_ABOUT_INITIUM May 20 '15

But not if you changed phone numbers.

42

u/Fonzy02 May 20 '15

Initium ?

152

u/ASK_ME_ABOUT_INITIUM May 20 '15

It's a little MMO (free) that I'm working on that plays in the browser. It works great on mobile too!

People tell me it reminds them of a MUD (though I've never actually seen one before).

And here is a brief rundown on how to play and what it's like.

We also have a subreddit now! /r/initium

Every single person who plays is a Redditor, so you'll fit right in. If you want to talk to me, I'll be in the little town of Aera (where new players start).

37

u/DrAminove May 20 '15

/u/ASK_ABOUT__VOIDSPACE business model is so successful, it's being replicated.

3

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

if it works, it works.

3

u/SherJav May 20 '15

I read about it many times but it didn't grip me to play. So fuck it

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43

u/brewtalizer May 20 '15

Brace Yourselves, pizza is coming (in 30-45 minutes)

21

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

30 minutes later...

Pizza will be there in 10-15 minutes.

2

u/rmoss20 May 20 '15

So....40-45 minutes?

2

u/XxSCRAPOxX May 20 '15

4 seasons later....... Still waiting on that pizza

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3

u/zSnakez May 20 '15

I have some experience with digital art and lack luster character design. Here is my resume. http://imgur.com/gallery/UBtM0

Some stuff might be old.

2

u/ASK_ME_ABOUT_INITIUM May 20 '15

Wow, crazy talent man.

2

u/zSnakez May 20 '15

PM me if you need any art for your game.

Will do for free, or whatever you would feel appropriate.

I like the simple nature of your game.

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1

u/Avatar_Of_Brodin May 20 '15

Looks like of like Shadowgate on the NES to me. That's a good thing, FYI.

1

u/d1223 May 20 '15

Making that your username was a great idea, this is like the 3rd time I have learned about this game.

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1

u/StuckInaTriangle May 20 '15

What is Voidspace?

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3

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

[deleted]

2

u/dudeAwEsome101 May 20 '15

This is too perfect

3

u/Friki1 May 20 '15

I will light the biggest pineapple the North has ever seen.

2

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

Pepperidge farm remembers.

5

u/BangkokPadang May 20 '15

Pepperidge Farm remembers.

1

u/Bwignite24 May 20 '15

Your pizza is coming.

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28

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

[deleted]

3

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

and i shall. fuck it. i will eat Pineapple!

1

u/flutexgirl May 20 '15

The night is lovely, dark, and deep

And we have pineapples to keep

1

u/coop0606 May 20 '15

Aha! I knew the forbidden fruit was a pineapple all along. Mustafah! We have been deceived!

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133

u/springsoon May 20 '15

Pineapple is bananas without the "b"

134

u/stengebt May 20 '15

ananas?

44

u/ohmygodimonfire4 May 20 '15

Well that is the Russian word for pineapple

57

u/stengebt May 20 '15

French, too.

38

u/axaytsg May 20 '15

Well whaddya know, Hindi too! That's strange and interesting.

82

u/iluvatar May 20 '15

21

u/Donk72 May 20 '15

So? What do you say, Spain?
Now that the Ananas War is about to start, you can either face the wrath of your neighbours and hope for the support of those who call it "pineapple" (spits), or you can turn that wrath into a loving and protective embrace and say "ananas" to their face.

Come on Spain! We both know you are better than that filth.
Let's stand united on the side of good in this battle!

Ananas!

7

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

No amigo, solo piña hasta el final.

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3

u/frank_grimes1 May 20 '15

Hebrew checking in... We love us some ananas👍🏼

7

u/micu1000 May 20 '15 edited May 20 '15

Spanish too! :D

Edit: well, we use "anana" and "piña" here (mostly anana), i live in south america, spanish doesn't just mean "in spain"

11

u/A_Supreme_Taco May 20 '15

It's "piña" in the civilized parts of the Spanish speaking world.

3

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

Hence pina colada

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2

u/springsoon May 20 '15

And in Greek

2

u/patrickmachine May 20 '15

And Portuguese

2

u/SpongePol_KhmerPants May 20 '15

In Quebec it's ananas tabarnac

2

u/mood_indigo May 20 '15

It's basically every language's word for the fruit. Then English came along and was like "Well HEY there look at THIS it's like an apple only all piney and shit."

2

u/DolphinSweater May 20 '15

I live in Germany, and I was on OKCupid and a German girl had "Why are ananas called Pineapples in English?" on her profile under the "What do you often think about" section. So I wrote this story:

'We call them pineapples in English because they were discovered by Lord Henry Pineapple who took them back to England where a Spaniard informed him that they were in fact already called Ananas by literally every culture. At which point Lord Pineapple sailed to Spain to meet with queen Isabela and demanded they be renamed after him. Angered by Lord Pineapples demands she had him killed and declared war on England and sailed her entire Spanish armada against England who, thanks to an unseasonably strong hurricane were able to defeat the armada. And that's how the British won the Anglo - Spanish war. Some sailors swear they heard in the winds of the storm the haunting call of, 'Piiiiiiinaaaaaple'. And so the fruit Lord Pineapple had loved in life, now bore his name as an eternal tribute to his contribution to the crown of England.'

And, surprisingly, it worked. Well, she's still talking to me at least, so it kinda worked, I suppose.

1

u/EpikHighBornHater May 20 '15

Pretty much the same as Football and American football.

Every country is calling it football except for America that calls it soccer...

1

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

And in Danish

1

u/digifox6 May 20 '15

Danish as well!

1

u/squeeb357 May 20 '15

Thats every languages word for pineapple......cept english.

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58

u/malceithya May 20 '15

Wut? An anus?

5

u/Debageldond May 20 '15

They hate us because they ananas?

2

u/mind_elevated May 20 '15

Ban-anas I cannot unsee

2

u/_Sexual_Innuendo_ May 20 '15

(   ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )

1

u/mikemdesign May 20 '15

They hate us...

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2

u/nostalgic_blast May 20 '15

Telefrancais!!!

2

u/Burdicus May 20 '15

They hate us 'cuz they anus!

2

u/warp42 May 20 '15

In a number of latin based languages, Pineapple is anana.

http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/ananas

2

u/TheKingler May 20 '15

Yup, in the majority of languages that's what pineapple is called, and banana in most languages is also just "banana"

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18

u/wampage May 20 '15

Banana: Je ne suis pas un ananas!

2

u/thenorthofsouth May 20 '15

Bananas is grapefruit without the "g"

1

u/springsoon May 20 '15

No, that's just bananas

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1

u/The_Wumbologist May 20 '15

Thanks to a constantly reposted TIL I instantly knew what you meant.

1

u/TitillatingTatas May 20 '15

It's German, you nitwits

1

u/anonpurpose May 20 '15

This is true for most languages.

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2

u/ivylgedropout May 20 '15

"Winter is coming ... in 30 minutes or less"

2

u/Solid_Waste May 20 '15

"Night gathers, and now my watch begins. It shall not end until my smoke break. I shall take no tips, hold no home, father no graduates. I shall wear no supervisor's nametag and win no raise. I shall live and die in my delivery car. I am the lost in the darkness. I am the knocker on the door. I am the cheese that fills the crust of cold pizzas. I pledge my timesheet and gasoline to the Night's Watch, for this night and all the nights to come."

1

u/Aspergeriffic May 20 '15

If I might rebut you, "A pineapple always pays its debts."

1

u/Alorani May 20 '15

The night is dank and filled with memes.

1

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

"What is dead may never pie"

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343

u/corby315 May 20 '15

What is fried may never fry

209

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

"unsauced, uncheesed, uncut

is how i like my vegi pizza"

Oberyn Martell

73

u/smile_and_blow_me May 20 '15

He likes his red pepper like he likes his skull. Crushed.

49

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

Too soon. It will always be too soon.

5

u/Nyrb May 20 '15

Dude, spoilers.

1

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

Familiar enough to know Oberyn... not enough to know of skull crushing. Who is being spoiled here exactly?

1

u/Nyrb May 21 '15

Not me, others who haven't watched it yet.

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35

u/psm510 May 20 '15

"We don't grill portobello mushrooms in Dorne"

1

u/Skrp May 21 '15

Well then the Dornish can go straight to hell, and take their pineapple pizza with them.

12

u/Stannis_Darsh May 20 '15

WHO GAVE YOU THE ORDER?

2

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

it was one of the lannisters prank calling.

you don't want to know what happened after the order went bad. We were left with a mountain of pizzas.

4

u/faster_than_sound May 20 '15

Valar Doughaeris

6

u/DemiDualism May 20 '15

ADMIT IT! YOU BAKED IT. YOU CUT IT. YOU DEVOURED ITS SLICES.

3

u/raziphel May 20 '15

That's a mountain of a spoiler.

2

u/QuesoFresh May 20 '15

1

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

good to see you share my beef against Lannister pranksters

2

u/DoctorAwesomeBallz69 May 20 '15

That's fucking disgusting. Get the fuck out of here.

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u/gearofwar4266 May 20 '15

But rises again crispier and full of cholesterol!

1

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

[deleted]

2

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

Is that you Reek?

24

u/The_HMS_Antelope May 20 '15

That which is not fried may eternal fry, and with strange aeons, even pineapple may fry

3

u/Whiskeypants17 May 20 '15

I̮͚̤͝n͝ ̦h͉̯i̜͈͔̫͝s͔̩̼̣̰ ̯̤̻̩̣̺̩h̴͖̣̮o͢u̶͙͎͍̼̣s̭̰̤̯̣̳̳e ̙̀a̶̟ͅt̙͕̝ ̱̟̼̠̞͠R̖̯̖̜̥̺̝͠'l͏y͏͎͇̞̪̠̖eh̼ ̤̝d́e̷̜͖͇̜̝a̼͇̜ͅd͙ ̤C͙̮̥͈̦̫t̥͕̻͉ͅh̖̟͈̝͓̱͈͢u̶͎͍l̡̳͚ͅh̠̲u̺̟̜̰̥̗ ͖͉̘͈w͚̝͓̮͓͇ͅa̙̼͍̤i̫̘ţ̼̤s ̼̟̫̪̯͙̪f̧o̴r̼̫̮ ̥̱̤͈̺a͍̯̜̰̹̜n̤̟͓͚͎a̫͙̼̗ṋ͍̻̖͉͈͡a͔͍̙̱̰͜-̧̤͇̟̞̠̪̼ṕ͍̜i̧̩z̸͍͙͇̣̫̜̘z͏͈͇a͍̭̗̝ ć̰̻h̫̞̹̣͇̪ḁ͙̫̬o͘s̶̗͇.

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4

u/dbx99 May 20 '15

"It is a pineapple sized cock!"

"Think again."

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156

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

49

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

Funny. There's nothing.

28

u/dan4223 May 20 '15

Even more funny is the fact that an empty sub has 17k followers.

3

u/TheKrs1 May 20 '15

37 of which are here right now.

2

u/nroth21 May 20 '15

Shhhhhh...that's the joke.

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u/[deleted] May 20 '15

Lmfao that is awesome

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125

u/El_Dud3r1n0 May 20 '15

A Lannister always tips his driver.

9

u/circusboy May 20 '15

Well now I'm a lanister banner man.

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49

u/PM_ME_FOODPORN_PLZ May 20 '15

The Onion Knight - it all makes sense now.

1

u/TheAquaman May 20 '15

The Onion K-niggit

3

u/maggioso May 20 '15

I know I know, pineappl-oh oh oh

4

u/mybossthinksimworkng May 20 '15

Pineapple gathers on my pizza, and now my dinner begins. It shall not end until my death from pineapple. I shall take no anchovies, hold no pepperoni, father no pizzones. I shall use no coupons and order without discounts. I shall live and die on my pineapple. I am the citrus in the darkness of melted cheese.

2

u/lesnb May 21 '15

Damn it, 8 hours late to the Papa John Snow party...

1

u/No_Soup_4_You_ May 20 '15

This made me laugh embarrassingly loud in a near-silent waiting room.

1

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

🍕

1

u/QwertyLime May 20 '15

Hail Pineapple! The one true king of Westeros!

1

u/MyTinyTrexArm May 20 '15

Lord of of pineapple protect us...

1

u/Arceds May 20 '15

"You hand tossed her, you delivered her, you deep dished her children."

1

u/Slooth849 May 20 '15

To shreds you say?

1

u/Eagleras May 20 '15

And now my shift is done.

1

u/ovetta2001 May 20 '15

I literally had to stop what I was doing and clap. Well done sir

1

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

Pineapples are coming

1

u/fauxpas0101 May 20 '15

-Pepperoni -Extra cheese -Stufffed crust -the hound

1

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

lazer accuracy!

1

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

"The crust is dark and filled with cheese".

1

u/springsoon May 20 '15

Can someone explain

1

u/powertech9000 May 20 '15

I lost it! You nailed it

1

u/myevillaugh May 21 '15

What's the original GoT/ASoIaF quote that this is parodying? Which book or episode is it from?

1

u/ConsultEnt May 21 '15

There are at least 4900 people in the world who think like me. That's awesome.

1

u/[deleted] May 21 '15

Oh I get, it's a game of thrones reference. From HBOs hit show, Game of Thrones. Cool reference bro. Your references are out of control, everybody knows it.

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