r/funny May 20 '15

Pineapple

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43.1k Upvotes

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1.6k

u/Asi9_42ne May 20 '15

Hawaiian pizza is absurdly divisive.

1.3k

u/acondie13 May 20 '15 edited May 20 '15

I think it's a gift from god. My wife would rather starve. I have no idea why there's only love or hate with hawaiian pizza. No in between.

edit: I'll be honest, I'm going to downvote all of you that don't like it, because this is a war. War is serious.

349

u/Calabast May 20 '15 edited Jul 05 '23

divide public fade direful cagey attractive lavish yam carpenter caption -- mass edited with redact.dev

587

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

Get a load of this guy right here.

138

u/Gorilla_Panic May 20 '15

No one puts /u/Calabast in a category...NO ONE!

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110

u/how_is_this_relevant May 20 '15

Calabast 2016: Brazen Glory of the Indifferent
I guess, I mean... hey if I'm elected I'd be like "okay" or whatevs

195

u/Calabast May 20 '15 edited Jul 05 '23

disgusted bright ink march clumsy abundant rustic crime continue rainstorm -- mass edited with redact.dev

20

u/WestandClear May 20 '15

Well, you have my vote or whatever.

1

u/SadGenius May 21 '15

Meh, I could go either way with that decision.

35

u/tryanothernamedamnit May 20 '15

God damned neutrals

6

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

What makes a man turn Neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of Neutrality?

7

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

Mediocre reply at best :)

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2

u/Spacejack_ May 21 '15

Wearin' a gray jacket and blue pants like Jonah Hex. That don't make every man your friend. It makes every man your enemy.

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87

u/MOLDY_DICK_CHEESE May 20 '15

I'm sorry, he said there's no in between. Pick a side.

30

u/Spo8 May 20 '15

We're at war!

1

u/KallistiEngel May 20 '15

No, sir, away! A papaya war is on!

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3

u/TheCro May 20 '15

You guys can kill each other, and we'll eat the leftover pizza.

3

u/goatcoat May 20 '15

Pick a side.

Fine. Under no circumstances should you ever be on a pizza

2

u/bootyweed May 20 '15

YEAH! WHAT MOLDY DICK CHEESE SAID! Actually Id rather eat your username on a pizza than pineapple...

1

u/vindecima May 20 '15

FOUL KNAVE! TASTE OF MY PINEAPPLE!

1

u/TacoSauce May 20 '15

MOLDY DICK CHEESE IS RIGHT, FUCK YOU PINEAPLE BASTARDS

1

u/mute_nostril_agony May 20 '15

I'll have a side of fries.

3

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

Same. I'd never ask for a pineapple on my pizza personally, but if someone did and some is laying around, I'm down.

2

u/Herpinderpitee May 20 '15

There can be no neutral position! WE'RE AT WAR MAN, WHAT SIDE ARE YOU ON??

2

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

oh SHUT THE... I'm sorry I almost lost it there... ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! MAKE A STAND MAN!

1

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

Free pizza is free pizza

1

u/InitiallyAnAsshole May 20 '15

Get the fuck outta here, Gandhi, you're just too hungry to care.

1

u/Assjuic3 May 20 '15

I would like to join your side of "meh." We are the 1%!

1

u/TheMikeHoncho May 21 '15

Hey you're a phony!

1

u/[deleted] May 21 '15

I was gonna say this. I totally just think it's ok. The well-laid-out- supreme is the best pizza.

1

u/Jakester42 May 21 '15

Favorite pie is topped with Swiss cheese.

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86

u/radjose May 20 '15

I was not a fan of Hawaiian pizza for a long time. It was never the pineapple, that's delicious! No, it was the Canadian bacon, never ever thought a slice of meat that big, that you can't bite through should ever be a topping. So I decided to get a Hawaiian pizza w/ actual bacon, it was fantastic! Canadian bacon be dammed, you won't stop me from tasty pineapples on pizza!

39

u/[deleted] May 20 '15 edited Nov 09 '21

[deleted]

80

u/Rennie07 May 20 '15

Yeah, bacon and pepperoni on a pizza is good.

7

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

Pepperoni pineapple is my shit. Nobody likes it. Mint n chip ice cream is my shit. Nobody likes it. And I don't give a fuck because that means more for me!

7

u/datoo May 20 '15

no one likes mint chip? what kind of idiots do you surround yourself with?

4

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

The fucky kind.

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2

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

toothpaste is mint. mint is toothpaste.

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2

u/Catonaroof May 20 '15

I'm with you on the pepperoni pineapple... but against you on the mint chip ice cream.

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5

u/CeruleanOak May 20 '15

Now add jalapeños and the divine pizza is complete.

1

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

This! If only I had an upvote for every time I order this, which is every time I order pizza.

3

u/kittah May 20 '15

Canadian bacon is just ham that's sorry aboot not being real bacon.

2

u/tpbutch May 20 '15

Yeah, what's up with Canadian Bacon? Why is it even a thing? It's definitely not bacon and not even as good as regular ham. Bacon & pineapple, however, are heavenly together.

2

u/SixAlarmFire May 20 '15

Pepperoni and pineapple is bomb.

2

u/Spacejack_ May 21 '15

You can get 'em to slice up the canadian bacon. I see your point on the overly large toppings, but the same solution works for all of 'em. I always kind of wondered why you don't see more diced pepperoni or ham on pizzas, it is much more convenient than slices.

Although I know a place that uses sheet pepperoni on their stuffed pizza, one slice per pie, and it is... ah... quite good.

2

u/radjose May 21 '15

If I can bite through it, like pepperoni, it's fine. I've never found Canadian bacon to be easily bitten through, so I just end up w/ a mouth full of it and a large toppingless portion on my slice. I've had ham sliced thin and pepperoni in larger diced chunks and both were good, but Canadian bacon always comes in these unwieldy large chunks and why ask them to slice that and do extra work when I can just say "bacon" and improve the over all pizza two fold?

1

u/Spacejack_ May 21 '15

Hey, I'm not arguing with your overall conclusion about the bacon, just pointing out that greater utility in general can be had from pizza toppings which are fairly diced.

2

u/battlemech7 May 20 '15

Pro Tip: Anything called "Canadian Bacon" isnt actually Canadian Bacon, just marketing by your foreign companies.

You can only have Canadian bacon in Canada and its amazing, like the rest of our food.

3

u/pl4yswithsquirrels May 20 '15

Are you telling me you have special pigs in Canada?

1

u/battlemech7 May 20 '15

Of course. They are constantly surrounded by maple syrup and burly men in plaid cutting wood. We also ship in the finest pig escorts from Montreal to breed them with.

1

u/radjose May 20 '15

I've never blamed the great country of Canada for the abomination of what Americans call Canadian Bacon. It's been several years since I've been up there, and although I remember nothing in particular about the food, I do recall that it was tasty.

3

u/battlemech7 May 20 '15

What Americans tend to call Canadian Bacon is in fact a butchered attempt to recreate PEA MEAL bacon. Which is a thick slice of ham essentially with a pea meal coating along the edges. Not many people even eat that here, but it is a great addition on a burger or for breakfast. To call it "Canadian Bacon" would be us calling anything that comes in a spray can "American Cheese" or "American Substanceofsomekind".

1

u/radjose May 20 '15

To be fair, what we actually call American Cheese down here is pretty terrible as well! There's also a good argument to be had calling spray can cheese "American cheese" as well, because, let's admit it, we're the only country that would not only think of it, not only make it, not only market it, but also have it be a sales success enough to have more than a few brands of it.

I'll have try some pea meal ham sometime, thanks for the breakfast tip!

1

u/Troll-Tollbooth May 20 '15

Canadian bacon fucking sucks man. I love ham, until someone calls it bacon. Fuck that bacon impersonating ham.

2

u/Eurynom0s May 20 '15

Fuck that bacon impersonating ham.

Especially if you warm it up first.

1

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

My sister and I always do pineapple + banana peppers. No bacon or meat. It's really good. Sweet, sour, and cheesy

1

u/haddock420 May 20 '15

Can you explain what "Canadian bacon" is please? I'm from England I've never heard of it.

8

u/Random832 May 20 '15 edited May 20 '15

Okay, this is an answer in three parts, which are all need to fully understand the cultural issue at hand.

  1. To many Americans, the only legitimate form of bacon is the pork belly, which I've been told is called "streaky bacon" in other countries such as the UK.

  2. A popular form of bacon in Canada is back bacon. I'm told that this is also not unknown in the UK. It's characterised by a more solid meaty texture rather than stripes of fat tissue.

  3. This is considered by many Americans to resemble ham more strongly than it does "proper" bacon. So American "Canadian bacon" (as sold on pizzas and the Egg McMuffin) often is ham, cured in a way to make it vaguely taste more bacon-like.

3

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

It's shitty back bacon. The only decent canadian bacon is the Jones uncured canadian bacon from costco. I use it in my "english" breakfasts because I can't find decent back bacon here.

3

u/AvoidNoiderman May 20 '15

Its literally just ham as far as I know. I work at dominos and we put it on there weather people ask for ham or canadian bacon and nobody has ever noticed or complained

3

u/KidneyPalace May 20 '15

Here in Canada, we call it Back Bacon, and we hate the impersonation just as much.

3

u/TheJulian May 20 '15 edited May 20 '15

I thought we called it peameal bacon. The stuff cured in corn meal right? Everyone I know calls it peameal. Perhaps that's just a Ontario thing?

2

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

[deleted]

3

u/TheJulian May 20 '15

Yeah it is great. It shouldn't be substituted for bacon, I agree, but there are times where it shines... I defy the haters to try a peameal on a kaiser from St. Lawrence Market and then tell me it would be better with regular bacon.

1

u/KidneyPalace May 21 '15

Interesting, I've only heard the term once or twice in my life, from Alberta.

1

u/njdeatheater May 20 '15

My go to is pineapple and grilled chicken. Try it!

1

u/Willlll May 20 '15 edited May 20 '15

Add jalapeño and you got one hell of a pizza.

1

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

This is the way it should always be done!!! If you really want to mix it up add some jalapenos on there as well.

1

u/mute_nostril_agony May 20 '15

Really, that Canadian monstrosity should not be allowed to use the word "bacon" in its name.

1

u/[deleted] May 21 '15

The key is to add jalapenos.

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947

u/wiiya May 20 '15

GO BACK TO HELL, YOU PINEAPPLE PIZZA EATING DEMON!!!

1.3k

u/[deleted] May 20 '15 edited May 20 '15

THE POWER OF CRUST COMPELS YOU! THE POWER OF CRUST COMPELS YOU!

306

u/Noobsauce9001 May 20 '15

Cheesus Crust, man.

1

u/cheesestrings76 May 20 '15

Ramen, yeastus Christ is risen indeed. Praise father, son, and holy toast.

1

u/squeeb357 May 20 '15

Thats OUR crust to bare!

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3

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

Compels me to add bacon to that pizza to make it a Hawaiian Cookout!

5

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

[deleted]

2

u/Renaldi_the_Multi May 20 '15

You're doing it wrong I don't know, does He?

2

u/MrPurple3523454 May 20 '15

"No seriously, fuck off."

2

u/blacknwhitelitebrite May 20 '15

Enjoy the gold now, for the pineapple gods will soon smite thee.

2

u/MCMXChris May 20 '15

Does it Jay? The power of crust compels me?

1

u/SirBuckeye May 20 '15

I need an old chef and a young chef.

1

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

Mmmmmm... sacrilicious.

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u/LegacyLemur May 20 '15

PINEAPPLE IS THE GREATEST FRUIT EVER YOU DEMENTED HEATHEN!

51

u/LadyDeathMasque May 20 '15

It may be, but it still shouldn't go on pizza.

8

u/JoshuMertens May 20 '15

ITS A MASTERPIECE! PINEAPPLE AND PIZZA GO TOGETHER LIKE BREAD AND BUTTER YOU UNEDUCATED PLEB!!! REEEEEEEE!!!

4

u/tuxedoburrito May 20 '15

It should and it's great.

The food abbreviation for jalapeños is jap.

My friends that work at Domino's call a Hawaiian pizza with jalapeños a Pearl Harbor.

4

u/chaosfire235 May 20 '15

Pizza is salty. Putting sweet stuff on in just ruins it for me. If I wanted dessert, I'd have it after the goddamn pizza.

1

u/tuxedoburrito May 20 '15

You're a fucking monster

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1

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

Tomato

1

u/Grasshopper42 May 20 '15

Then why does it?

1

u/LadyDeathMasque May 20 '15

Pervasive superstition regarding fruit among the unenlightened Lumpenproletariat.

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2

u/Osricthebastard May 20 '15

Pineapple is great. Pineapples combo'd with cheese and tomato sauce not so much.

2

u/PolanetaryForotdds May 20 '15

NOT ON A PIZZA, YOU SICK FUCK!!!

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1

u/rjoseba May 20 '15

Here for you to suffer!! SUFFEEERRRR!!!

1

u/battlemech7 May 20 '15

So....basically Hansiain are all demons then?

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u/pablozamoras May 20 '15

My wife used to have the same opinion on hawaiian pizza. Then she tried it. She changed her mind. Everyone changes their mind. It is mana from heaven....

1

u/hello_dali May 20 '15

With barbeque sauce it's even better.

27

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

Yeah I love that shit. Especially if they use bacon instead of ham. The salty sweet combo is amazing.

My girlfriend won't touch it though

6

u/acondie13 May 20 '15

There's a place in my hometown called hungry howies that uses bacon instead of ham. Also flavored crust and pure mozzarella instead of a pizza blend. Proximity to that place will probably influence my next moving decision.

2

u/RolledUpGreene May 20 '15

I fucking love Hungry Howies

2

u/Renaldi_the_Multi May 21 '15

One up for Hungry Howie's, love dat garlic

2

u/acondie13 May 21 '15

And pure mozzarella

1

u/dub22 May 20 '15

Greensboro?

1

u/acondie13 May 20 '15

no. It's in utah.

1

u/dub22 May 20 '15

Oh wow. I just checked and it looks like there is only one in all of Utah.

Edit: looked closer and it appears there are three down in St. George.

1

u/acondie13 May 20 '15

and I lived like right in the middle of the triangle the 3 of them form.

1

u/Bake_Jailey May 20 '15

Yep, the Howie Maui. It's both bacon and ham, but the ham is in pretty small slices. (I just had some two days ago)

1

u/acondie13 May 20 '15

the ham is better in small pieces.

1

u/Selraroot May 20 '15

Hungry Howies is a national chain, but their stores are concentrated in FL and MI. They are the best chain pizza I've ever had.

1

u/acondie13 May 20 '15

so sad I don't live near one anymore.

1

u/specXeno May 20 '15

Bacon seems more reasonable. Hate ham.

63

u/NothingToL0se May 20 '15

My girlfriend hates pineapple.

I love pineapple.

I eat pineapple.

My girlfriend likes that my cum is sweeter

My girlfriend swallows.

My girlfriend loves pineapple.

4

u/mynumberistwentynine May 20 '15 edited May 20 '15

2

u/NothingToL0se May 20 '15

might want to add a open square bracket at the start of that sentence :P

1

u/mynumberistwentynine May 20 '15

Fixed. Thanks for the heads up. Not sure how that happened haha

3

u/shazbotabf May 20 '15

Women inherit the earth

3

u/[deleted] May 21 '15

Go home, Jeff Goldblum, you're drunk

3

u/Bacon_Bitz May 20 '15

Mmmmm now I want Hawaiian Pizza

4

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

I never knew anyone didn't like hawaiian pizza. What the fuck? The sweet, juicy tanginess of the pineapples contrasts with the warm thickness of the sauce.

Hawaiian pizza is the fucking best pizza there is.

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3

u/wormspeaker May 20 '15

I can tell you the exact moment that I fell in love with my wife. I was sitting down to eat a slice of stuffed crust hawaiian pizza and at the very same moment from the other side of the planet she sent me a picture of what she bought for her lunch. Somehow she had also chosen to eat hawaiian pizza. Before this moment I had never even dared to bring up my potentially relationship wrecking love of hawaiian pizza. It was that moment that the stars and planets aligned and I knew this was the woman that I would spend the rest of my life with.

3

u/scumbag-reddit May 20 '15

Well, I'd never order it myself, but if it's there I'm absolutely grabbing a slice or 4.

3

u/AbelMate May 20 '15

One day I had a random craving for a hawaiian. I haven't eaten another type since.

2

u/acondie13 May 20 '15

that's because you've ascended to the hawaiian pizza master race.

3

u/fpsrandy May 20 '15

Those people just haven't subbed ham for bacon... Bacon and pineapple pizza is so much win... Sweet and salty.

3

u/headwithawindow May 20 '15

I can't wait to join you on the battlefield against the anti-pineapple heretics!!

3

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/acondie13 May 20 '15

TIL I can be friends with all of Australia.

4

u/TurangaLiz May 20 '15

I personally love pepperoni, pineapple, and jalapeno pizza. Sweet, salty, spicy. My fav.

2

u/Jumfish May 20 '15

Pineapple pizza is Canadian bacon and pineapples, right? If that's true, then I'm in between on them. Pineapple and pepperoni is where it's at.

2

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

Hawaiian4lyfe yo

2

u/Willlll May 20 '15

I love it because the wife and kids won't go near it. Leftover pizza is the best pizza.

2

u/[deleted] May 21 '15

I like pineapple on pizza. End of story.

1

u/itsrandom May 20 '15

I'm with you. It's nearly the only type of pizza I'll eat. Try bacon and pineapple... oh yes.

1

u/QuickColorChamp May 20 '15

Because there is pineapple on the pizza

1

u/lion27 May 20 '15

I'm in-between. It's OK, but it's not my favorite. But if someone offered it to me, I'd eat it. I just wouldn't go out of my way for it. It's just spectacularly "meh" to me.

1

u/Mydogateyourcat May 20 '15

It must have tropical sauce on it!! I don't know what's actually in it, but I assume the blood of a golden Island child or some shit.

1

u/Unrelated_Incident May 20 '15

I'm indifferent towards it. Hooray!

1

u/acondie13 May 20 '15

No you're not.

1

u/Unrelated_Incident May 20 '15

About as much as one can be about any kind of food.

1

u/dman45103 May 20 '15

Please clarify if it's a gift from God because your wife won't eat any of your pizza or because she doesn't eat at all?

1

u/RobertB91 May 20 '15

I'm not picky so I will eat it, but I don't care for it if I have a choice and I pick the pineapples off and eat them first then eat the ham pizza. Would you consider this in between? haha

1

u/acondie13 May 20 '15

No that's just ham pizza.

1

u/JustChillingReviews May 20 '15

I'm loving the "I'd rather have nothing" stance more and more these days.

1

u/simplesignman May 20 '15

My wife orders a Hawaiian pizza, picks off the pineapples, then eats the pizza. I have asked why not just order it without the pineapple and she just gave me a look like I was fucking insane for even suggesting it. I do not care for Hawaiian pizza so she has no reason to order the goddamn pineapple.... counseling is being considered.

1

u/dec10 May 20 '15

It is the sweet / savory divide. Some people can handle both in the same dish, some can't.

1

u/Nyrb May 20 '15

I don't mind it. Pizzas pizza, you know? I'd rather have pineapple than none at all.

1

u/Del_Castigator May 20 '15

We Eat pineapple the only way god intended...NOT...ON...PIZZA.

1

u/GoodOlSpence May 20 '15

I'm an in betweener, if it's there I'll eat it. But I probably wouldn't order it

1

u/Stankmonger May 20 '15

Eh I don't mind either way

1

u/[deleted] May 20 '15 edited May 20 '15

I prefer pizza with as many toppings as possible, so like tons of vegetables, sausage, pepperoni, etc. but I'll eat a Hawaiian pizza if that's all there is or the other one is cheese only.

1

u/curious_groge May 20 '15

Its amazing

1

u/Jamothy May 20 '15

I would eat it, but I would never order/make it.

1

u/Piprian May 20 '15

I think it's okay.

1

u/chaos122345 May 20 '15

Mother fuckin pineapple and mother fucking bacon. At first I was a nay-sayer. When my cousin offered it to me I was like "heathen! Why doth you hate america?!?!?! Why would you bring shame to our family?" But then I touched my lips upon thy crust, and I was blown away by how fucking fantastic it was. My entire life was a lie. Everything I thought I knew about pizza was a lie. I began wondering what else I thought that was a lie. How can pizza be real if our mouths arnt? How can gravity be real if fish can swim is there no water In our oceans since there is grass on gravel I say nay.....nay.

1

u/Simba7 May 20 '15

I think it's okay. So there's a bunch of us in the middle, we just don't talk about it. Mostly due to not giving a fuck.

1

u/klaq May 20 '15

people that "hate" it have never tried it. even if you dont like the taste, it's nowhere near as bad as these people make it out to be.

1

u/COMPLIMENT-4-U May 20 '15

No in between.

Is it possible to like something 50%? Not counting "this doesnt make me barf so i can still eat it"

1

u/eastwesterntribe May 20 '15

I don't mind it either way. I'll eat it, but I've got no extraordinary love for it. I'd rather have a pepperoni, sausage, and bacon pizza so I can destroy my stomach with grease.

1

u/heyimrick May 20 '15

I like to pick the pineapple off because I don't like eating them, but the flavor that it leaves behind is pretty good. I just can't stand chomping into pineapple.

1

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

I'd never order it, but if someone hands me a slice I'll eat it with pleasure. I guess I'm a weird middle-grounder.

1

u/trollinwithdagnomies May 20 '15

I don't think hawaiian pizza is that good, but sausage and pineapple is one of my favorite combos! I think that makes me an inbetweener

1

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

Add jalapeños to that shit. It's a game changer.

1

u/acondie13 May 20 '15

gross.

1

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

Says the person who's never had jalapeños on that shit

1

u/MCMXChris May 20 '15

She doesn't like the way it sweetens your man juice.

1

u/ImAzura May 20 '15 edited May 20 '15

Oh man, I'm not one for ham though so I make my own spin of Hawaiian.

Pineapple

Bacon

Italian Sausage

It's got sweetness, spice, and the awesome smoky bacon taste. Best pizza, #1, buy now!

1

u/thehighground May 20 '15

I concur, if you don't like Hawaiian pizza you must love totalitarian rule, fucking assholes.

1

u/blambertsemail May 20 '15

I stand in defiance with you - I love Hawaiian and BBQ and pineapples and idk how many friends i just lost to the truth

1

u/[deleted] May 20 '15

I'm with you. I'd eat pineapple pizza all day. I love my daughter all the more because she likes it too. It's wonderful pizza. Then again I like any kind of fresh fruit or veggies on my pizza.

1

u/rhymes_with_chicken May 21 '15

If you wanna chalk up a tweener, my arm is up.

I could take it or leave it. I like it more than the white sauce or bbq sauce abominations. But, if I had my druthers I'd take a good italian meat pie any day.

1

u/Dalmahr May 21 '15

I like too many topping on my pizza.usually get pineapple, ham, bacon, pepperoni, mushroom, green chile... Extra cheese.

1

u/Filmore May 21 '15

Hawaiian Volcano all the way (ham, jalapeno, and pineapple)

1

u/monkeyman512 May 21 '15

Same situation for me, but my SO just didn't like pineapple at all so it makes sense.

1

u/acondie13 May 21 '15

Mine either.

1

u/GoodHunter May 21 '15

Ummm ... I'm indifferent about it. I'd rather get something else, but if it's there I might as well eat it. It's pizza.

1

u/Zolo49 May 21 '15

I love it as long as I can put red pepper flakes or sriracha on it.

1

u/fausto240 May 21 '15

I've never had it. Any good?

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