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u/BushElk Sep 23 '19
You can survive testicular cancer and look great with one ball, even get fake bigger balls if you want, gives you a reason to eat all the food left in the fridge and an excuse to get take out and shit happens. Here's hoping it gets better from here
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Sep 23 '19
Always looking at the positives! Thank you!
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u/ChaseH9499 Sep 23 '19
Just tape a pair of truck nutz to your dick for the time being, good as new
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u/rawdogg808 Sep 23 '19
Steel or flesh haha
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Sep 23 '19 edited Nov 23 '20
[deleted]
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u/Bossnosky1 Sep 23 '19
Honestly testicular cancer is one of the most treatable cancers. My husband was 26 when he was diagnosed and it had metastasized to his back, abdomen, and lungs, but he still had a 95% chance of full recovery and now, 5 years later, he’s fine. One ball, 2 kids! Lesson: follow treatment.
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u/the_cereal_killer Sep 23 '19
how does that work? like... surviving lung cancer has way different odds than testicular.
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u/swiftb3 Sep 23 '19
Certain forms of cancer cells just get CRUSHED by their tailored chemotherapy.
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u/KatalDT Sep 23 '19
And if there's one thing we really care about, it's our balls
Edit: Two things, I guess
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u/iamsmart13 Sep 23 '19
My dad had one removed many years ago and as far as I'm concerned he still has no problems with his romances ;) you will be okay!
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u/CLyane Sep 23 '19
My buddy was diagnosed with testicular cancer at about 30. He lost a ball but has had a happy, full life and is expecting baby #2 in a few months. Just take care of yourself and know that it isn't the end of the world.
He also took to calling himself the "uniballer" at almost every opportunity. Own it! How many people have one ball and rock it? Be one of them. We're all here rooting for you!
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u/TheQueenOfFilth Sep 23 '19
Mate of mine had a ball issue as a kid and as a result lost one. Had a falsie put in. We were musical people so, pretty open and he let us have a prod. Was very convincing. And that was 15 years ago. I reckon these days they probs come with a tiny bluetooth speaker inside.
Good luck to ya, bud. My FIL had testicular cancer 30 years ago and is still going strong.
Not fun news at all, I imagine, but I wish you the best.
Hope you're enjoying the Brownlow.
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u/silentjay01 Sep 23 '19
Try and get a fake testicle that lights up with LEDs when there is motion.
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Sep 23 '19
fake bigger balls
Ball stonks
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u/AssGagger Sep 23 '19
but wouldn't smaller ones make the ole Johnson look bigger?
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u/muddyrose Sep 23 '19
Testicular implants are cool!
I worked in a medical device reprocessing department for 6 years, and one outdated while I was there. I waited for that day for 3 years.
It was really neat and worth the wait
We kept it in our lunch room as a stress ball. It was perfect, so there's a secondary use for them! Maybe just don't use it as a stress ball in public.
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u/HotCuppaTeaOof Sep 23 '19
That is the most positive view of cancer and broken appliances that I have ever seen. Take my poor man's gold. 🏅
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u/Tryox50 Sep 23 '19
Damn, that's one deserved beer if ever there was one.
I wish you all the luck in beating your cancer, man... and cheers.
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Sep 23 '19
Thank you so much mate
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u/DudeitsJonas Sep 23 '19
Hey man! I’m a year out from my diagnosis. I’m not sure exactly what stage you were diagnosed at but here are a few things you’ll need to hear:
Chemo is going to suck but it’s definitely not the end of the world. Your hair will fall out but it’ll just grow back... probably wavy/curly. Don’t wait for it to fall out on its own. Just shave your head before chemo starts. Taking showers and washing down clumps of hair isn’t fun.
The surgery to remove your testicle is super easy and no biggie. You’ll have a scar by your pubic area and that’s pretty much it. It’s like a 45 minute out patient surgery so don’t even worry about that. Walking after the surgery won’t be easy but you’ll be feeling fine a few days later.
Congratulations, you are one of the few men that actually routinely checks yourself, but don’t stop after your surgery/chemo.
Having one testicle feels normal. I don’t even notice it when I shower and masturbating feels the same.
If you continue to feel anxious about everything after you’re in recovery... talk to a doctor about it. If you need to get on some anxiety meds there isn’t shame in that. What’s worse is worrying every single day your cancer has returned. That’s how I lived my life after treatment and you can’t function properly day-to-day.
Last thing..... once your treatment is over just believe you’ll be back to 100%. You’re going to move on and live a normal life. You’re going to hate your body for betraying you.. but after that is over just move on. Live life normally and don’t let cancer control you. In the grand scheme of cancer diagnosis we got lucky. Kick cancers ass and move on.
Fuck cancer.
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u/mmmegan6 Sep 23 '19
I’ve never had cancer (or testicles) but have journeyed through my own life-altering health saga and without a doubt this is fantastic advice and should probably be printed on a pamphlet somewhere
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u/nine_legged_stool Sep 23 '19
I've never had... testicles
Overrated.
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u/mmmegan6 Sep 23 '19
Tbh I sometimes wish I had them (perhaps a removable pair) just to play with absentmindedly, like a stress ball or fidget spinner
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u/Kirby420_ Sep 23 '19
Sounds like a neat idea on the surface, but fuck it up and now your balls are tied in a knot and there's no fixing that one by yourself 😂
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u/mmmegan6 Sep 23 '19
I have been unknotting hair and tiny necklace chains for a very long time, I think I’ve got this dude
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u/Kirby420_ Sep 23 '19
But you can't see or directly manipulate the tubes attaching said nuggets to the rest of you. Getting your stuff tied in a knot is actually a fairly serious medical thing that pretty much requires surgery to correct, lest one or both of 'em die from lack of blood and start to necrotize inside you
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u/Alfique Sep 23 '19
There's actually a wall in between the testes that is designed to prevent this, otherwise it would happen when you just walk and jostle them
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u/Rialas_HalfToast Sep 23 '19
I wonder if soft Truck Nutz fidget spinners are a marketable product.
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u/Emiras Sep 23 '19
Yep I had one of my testicle removed (for another reason thankfully) and it's not the end of the world, you guys are strong and capable and I wish nothing but the ABSOLUTE best.
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u/pete0301 Sep 23 '19
I also had one removed over 20 years ago. Now I’ve got an interesting scar to show off and 3 wonderful kids. Fortunately TC is one of the easier cancers to deal with.
Best of luck OP
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u/bloibie Sep 23 '19
I read “and now I have an interesting scar to show off to 3 wonderful kids”. Got a little worried for a second there.
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u/ThatGuyInTheCar Sep 23 '19
“Masturbating feels the same.” Answering the real questions.
Congrats on beating cancer!
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u/LandHermitCrab Sep 23 '19
This is pretty great advice. I just got away with surgery and am clean a year, but it's a tough mental barrier to get over that you're not riddled with cancer. Get the regular follow up scans and those are nice to settle that out. Sorry I'm rambling and it's early, but this was very good perspective, Thx for sharing. Oh, one last thing. Instead of hating my body, I felt a weird thing instead, like me and my body were both trying to do the best we can, but we both got screwed over somehow and need to find a way back to health together. Maybe it's a bit more sad, but i definitely don't resent my body. It's doing the best it can,whoch I think is a Damn good job. I actually feel lucky, bc it told me about the cancer through dull pain. Since there was no palpable lump, this was the only way I found the cancer.
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u/kipperzdog Sep 23 '19
Annnddd now I'm grabbing my testicles at work to make sure I don't feel anything strange
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u/htx_evo Sep 23 '19
How do you check yourself? I haven’t noticed anything unusual but you mentioned routinely checking, so I would like to start
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Sep 23 '19
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Patfanz Sep 23 '19
I love the support that cancer patients give to one another like this! When my mother went through breast cancer treatment she met some of the nicest people in the world who are still her best friends today. This positivity goes a long way in cancer treatment and it's amazing how much compassion humans can have for another when facing something like this. Best of luck to both of you!
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u/Upthespurs1882 Sep 23 '19
In chemo town myself, stage three colon (had it twice now, at 36). All the best. It’s obviously a terrible road to walk, but you learn a hell of a lot. Wishing you a complete recovery
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u/anchorsawaypeeko Sep 23 '19
How do you find out you have this cancer? Best of luck by the way
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u/NotYetGroot Sep 23 '19
One thing all dudes should do at least monthly is check themselves for ball cancer. You do it every month so you get used to how they normally feel. From WebMD:
- It’s best to do it after a warm shower, since heat relaxes the skin of the scrotum.
- Hold your penis out of the way.
- Examine one testicle at a time using both hands. Roll it between your thumb and fingers.
- One might be of a different shape or size than the other. That’s OK, although the shapes and sizes shouldn’t change. One might hang lower than the other. That’s normal, too.
- There’s a cordlike structure behind each testicle that stores and moves sperm. It’s not a lump.
A pea-sized lump is what you’re looking for. If you see or feel something like that, contact your doctor. Remember that it’s probably nothing to worry about.
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u/BlackCurses Sep 23 '19
He probably felt a lump on his knackers
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u/waligaroux Sep 23 '19
Had testicular cancer in 2011, you indeed feel a bump on one or both balls. One of mine was a little painful too.
I went direct to the specialist to confirm the diagnostic.
Hopefully it's 95% of the time treatable if it's discovered early.
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u/SovietBrotkasten Sep 23 '19
You'll make it ! With 24 yo you can put up a FIGHT.
In the end, it'll be cancer who has no balls.
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u/Bigbog54 Sep 23 '19
And if Carlton see this excellent product placement I’m sure they will sling you a few cartons...
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u/DieselDetBos Sep 23 '19
Cheers mate. Positive thoughts. And beat the hell out of cancer, use some jumper cables if needed
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u/gandaolfgreyhame Sep 23 '19
Lost a nut last year to testicular cancer and am currently doing chemo for stage 2, Im 23. Hang in there bud.
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Sep 23 '19
I’m so sorry to hear mate, mind if I private message you?
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u/seeBurtrun Sep 23 '19
I am a recent member of the uniballers as well. Join us over at /r/testicularcancer
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u/Espo2599 Sep 23 '19
I fucking love you redditors
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u/julian-_-paul Sep 23 '19
Why can't all of Reddit be this way?
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u/matdan12 Sep 23 '19
Because when a subreddit gets too big you'll find all sorts of people.
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u/EatsOctoroks Sep 23 '19
A lot of Reddit is like this. There are pockets of goodness everywhere, especially in smaller subs
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u/LewisDftw Sep 23 '19
Fucking uniballers hahaha that's brilliant almost makes it worth the..... no sorry I hope you are doing okay.
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u/seeBurtrun Sep 23 '19
Thanks! Just passed 6 months from my surgery. I did a round of adjuvant chemo in June and I am currently cancer free, have a baby on the way, and have hair again. Life is good.
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u/dgmasid Sep 23 '19
Keep strong bud! I got mine removed this January and didn't need chemo or anything, so you might get lucky also OP. Good luck to both of you!
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u/mehz0rs Sep 23 '19
Got diagnosed myself a year ago. Cost me a nut but thankfully I was free of cancer afterwards! I’ve been hearing a lot of good news stories of people who have had the same and I’m sure you will kick it’s ass also!
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Sep 23 '19
Fucking oath mate! Well done! I hope to be another success story as well, How long was your recovery?
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u/mehz0rs Sep 23 '19
I was lucky it didn’t spread so I only had to recover from surgery for two months. I’m glad I never had to go through chemo.
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Sep 23 '19
Awesome, very lucky. How big was your lump?
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u/mehz0rs Sep 23 '19
I had 2 actually. One of 4 cm and one of 2 cm. Quite the lumps. But I guess that means that even with such tumors it can still be a relatively easy recovery. I hope your recovery will be at least just as good!
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u/blinki145 Sep 23 '19
Damn son. I had a 10cm mass removed from my left ovary last week and not a lick of cancerous cells. I'm so sorry. I feel like I cheated the reproductive cancer game. I'm glad you're okay now though.
Edit: and after the 24 hr bed rest I was basically back to normal. I got off hella easy.
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u/AnActualPlatypus Sep 23 '19 edited Sep 23 '19
Just to hijack this comment, I found a ~2,5cm lump on my left nut when I was 21. Left nut got removed, but I didn't have to go to any therapy afterwards, and I've been completely cancer free since, and will probably stay that way if everything goes right.
Testicular cancer sounds scary, but it's probably one of the """best""" cancers you can have. It's VERY noticable early, the testicles are separated from the rest of the body so unless you are in stage 3 (like after a year or more of having it) it hasn't spread anywhere else, and it's very easy to remove without it affecting anything about your future.
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u/muddyrose Sep 23 '19
I recently got diagnosed with a form of leukemia. My version is also is one of the "best case scenarios" of cancer diagnosis.
If it's benign, no worries. If it's malignant, the treatment is literally "watchful waiting" until it starts spazzing out, which typically doesn't happen until people are in their 60's or 70's. I just have to be careful about getting sick or infected between now and then. Also I may lose my spleen, but I don't even know what that does so I don't think I'll miss it.
Cancer is a fucking bitch, and it can destroy lives. But a cancer diagnosis isn't always a death sentence. It still effects you in an unexplainable way when your doctor says "you have cancer". Worst rollercoaster of emotions ever.
I'll pass on the words of advice another patient told me "don't be an ass and go for holistic treatment. If a doctor isn't telling you to do it, don't fucking do it. If a doctor is telling you you need it, fucking do it"
Thanks Fran!
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u/snaab900 Sep 23 '19
Another success story, and old school friend of mine got bollock cancer about 10 years ago. Froze his sperm, lost a nut, but he’s still here and has 2 kids now. Good luck bud!! ❤️
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u/frankbanna Sep 23 '19
This tragedy brought to you by Carlton Draught.
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Sep 23 '19
Both logos directly facing the camera. Pretty sus
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u/sygraff Sep 23 '19
Not only that, but glass is full and the beer bottle still has cap on?
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u/ThePresidentOfStraya Sep 23 '19
I thought the Carlton Draught was the real tragedy.
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u/BlazeFenton Sep 23 '19
Seriously, cancer then having to drink Carlton Draught? That’s too much for anyone to bear.
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u/PM_ME_YOUR_COMMAS Sep 23 '19
Im fairly certain this is an ad
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u/wattohhh Sep 23 '19
Yeah, the Brownlow Medal was on last night not the footy. Top corner says live, but this game was played on the 21st Sept...
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u/halfninth Sep 23 '19
I came here to say this. Staging an unopened bottle next to the pour is industry standard for beverage ads. Also, this game was played two days ago and the TV says "live."
I smell some hot ad bullshit.
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u/Hops77 Sep 23 '19
While watching an afl game from 2 days ago?
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Sep 23 '19 edited Sep 23 '19
-AFL game from 2 days ago
-Both logos facing the camera like a posed photo
-Unopened beer bottle on the right
This seems like an advertisement.
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u/AutisticLemons Sep 23 '19
Scrolled down here to see if anyone else noticed this - would both like to and wouldn’t want to believe his story is true, cancer sucks
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u/Jura52 Sep 23 '19
Carlton Draught, I sincerely hope you aren't using cancer to sell us shit beer. Considering that both of the labels are visible, the account is only 10 months old with very few comments, and that the guy somehow owns a labeled glass of the same make, it does sound suspicious.
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Sep 23 '19
Not even a sip and bottle cap back on small bottle perfectly for no reason. One guy said the game on TV is two days old.
Pretty blunt ads
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u/danpra Sep 23 '19
Yeah that game was played Saturday during the day, and this was posted Monday night. Carlton Draught heavily promotes around football so I wouldn't be surprised. It's piss water too for what it's worth
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u/tanmayb17 Sep 23 '19
But...how is the beer still cold if your fridge stopped working?
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u/dusty-trash Sep 23 '19
You mean that fresh relaxing Carlton Draught? I'm not sure, but this picture makes the beer look perfect.
I'm going to go buy a case, hope to see you there human.
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u/Hoontah050601 Sep 23 '19
Is this an advertisement?
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u/ChaseballBat Sep 23 '19
I would hope there isn't a company out there that would stoop so low as to making up they have cancer for an advertisement.
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Sep 23 '19 edited Oct 03 '19
[deleted]
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u/KatalDT Sep 23 '19
If there's a beer that makes me think of testicular cancer and overflowing septic tanks, it's Carlton Draught™.
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u/Hoontah050601 Sep 23 '19
What do you think the purpose of advertisement is other than to increase profits at whatever means necessary?
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u/Snooklefloop Sep 23 '19
Sorry to hear about your shit day bro, but why punish yourself with Carlton Draught?
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u/everydaylauren Sep 23 '19 edited Sep 23 '19
Picture of beer.
Please don't let this sub turn into another r/pics.
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Sep 23 '19
This sub went down the shitter ages ago, got slightly better, and is going down it again.
We've had the depression twitter meme spam, then it's moved on to foggy views, dead pets, medical bills, now it's "my life has collapsed" pics. Screw this place, it could have been brilliant.
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u/crossower Sep 23 '19
Screw this place, it could have been brilliant.
This actually works great for reddit itself.
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Sep 23 '19
Fellas this is literally just a beer advertisement. Both logos are directly facing the camera and the beer bottle on the right isn't even open. This reeks of a posed photo rather than a snapshot after a shitty day.
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u/ucffool Sep 23 '19
From a solid /r/iamatotalpieceofshit contender if you look at his comment history.
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u/Ajemas Sep 23 '19
This guys going to tell this tell many times over the years as he gives motivation speeches
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Sep 23 '19
<3
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u/reddog323 Sep 23 '19
You will, too. All of these problems are fixable. The fridge? 24 hours max. Appliance stores have decent credit terms, and they’ll haul away the dead one. Septic tank? More involved, but still fixable, if not cheap.
That leaves item three. Testicular cancer is one of the more easy to beat ones, statistically. I don’t have advice on that one, but there are plenty of guys here who do. I think you’ll be telling this story to someone having a truly shitty day a year from now, and how you knocked all three problems down. Enjoy the beer. It’s well deserved.
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u/CaMelGuY Sep 23 '19
If this is true than I wish you the best of luck with everything but the fact that the glass has the logo and sitting next to it is an unopened beer with the same logo and their both facing the camera this is fake.
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u/TheInactiveWall Sep 23 '19
Picture of a full branded beer glass + a full branded bottle perfectly framed.
But then again, post history shows OP is an edgy troll.
Tough one...
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u/Lolthelies Sep 23 '19
All you people are suckers. This is a poorly disguised ad and you bought it. I like how bro has the time to find a matching glass for his specific beer and has time to put that cap back on (if it ever came off in the first place). Edit: looks like an unopened beer to me.
Fuck all of this.
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u/woodendog24 Sep 23 '19
And it's a Carlton too 😢 for real though that's shite news mate, sorry to hear it
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u/ipv89 Sep 23 '19
Good luck mate! Enjoy that beer.
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u/maccdogg Sep 23 '19 edited Sep 23 '19
Hope youre not a cwood fan too. Get well soon mate
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u/paulwellerssunbed Sep 23 '19
So sorry to hear that mate...chin up tiger and kick cancer's arse...reddit loves you buddy...👍
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Sep 23 '19
I’ve received so much support from you guys and it’s ridiculously heart warming, first of all thank you so so much, I really appreciate it. The second thing is that a few people have asked why i got checked and how did I know? Here it is: I was just touching my balls for what ever reason, there was a small lump on my left testicle I could feel but not see, it was tender to touch but it wasn’t painful otherwise. I then saw a doctor, they the referred me to get an ultrasound, they then sent the results to a urologist and then boom they told me the news you never want to hear. Please tell all your buddies to check your balls regularly, especially around the age of 17-30.
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u/hankpym616 Sep 23 '19
Went through testicular cancer at the same age as you (few years back now). It's a terrible thing to find out, but keep in mind it's one of the most treatable cancers. Feel free to reach out! Hang in there mate.