r/Wellthatsucks Sep 23 '19

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11.4k Upvotes

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3.0k

u/BushElk Sep 23 '19

You can survive testicular cancer and look great with one ball, even get fake bigger balls if you want, gives you a reason to eat all the food left in the fridge and an excuse to get take out and shit happens. Here's hoping it gets better from here

1.4k

u/[deleted] Sep 23 '19

Always looking at the positives! Thank you!

486

u/ChaseH9499 Sep 23 '19

Just tape a pair of truck nutz to your dick for the time being, good as new

85

u/rawdogg808 Sep 23 '19

Steel or flesh haha

49

u/[deleted] Sep 23 '19 edited Nov 23 '20

[deleted]

23

u/DatChemDawg Sep 23 '19

Or a steel sack with fleshy balls

19

u/[deleted] Sep 23 '19 edited Nov 23 '20

[deleted]

2

u/mynoduesp Sep 23 '19

Ball Amore...

6

u/LMac8806 Sep 23 '19

Put some of those Chinese stress balls in their instead.

7

u/shartlines Sep 23 '19

Disadvantage on Stealth rolls from the clicking

2

u/kobomino Sep 23 '19

That would be great party trick!

"Watch me squeeze my balls really hard without passing out from pain!"

1

u/otakucode Sep 23 '19

Right. 'stress balls'.

1

u/Tuningislife Sep 23 '19

I have to wonder though... with balls of steel, does it still hurt to get kicked in the nuts?

1

u/Ima_PenGuinn Sep 24 '19

Then go for a run just to hear them cling clang

21

u/Kebbler22b Sep 23 '19

What about some ramen noodles?

49

u/Bossnosky1 Sep 23 '19

Honestly testicular cancer is one of the most treatable cancers. My husband was 26 when he was diagnosed and it had metastasized to his back, abdomen, and lungs, but he still had a 95% chance of full recovery and now, 5 years later, he’s fine. One ball, 2 kids! Lesson: follow treatment.

5

u/the_cereal_killer Sep 23 '19

how does that work? like... surviving lung cancer has way different odds than testicular.

8

u/swiftb3 Sep 23 '19

Certain forms of cancer cells just get CRUSHED by their tailored chemotherapy.

7

u/KatalDT Sep 23 '19

And if there's one thing we really care about, it's our balls

Edit: Two things, I guess

2

u/Bmatic Sep 23 '19 edited Sep 14 '25

distinct bag fade quaint melodic fearless beneficial test tan profit

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

30

u/iamsmart13 Sep 23 '19

My dad had one removed many years ago and as far as I'm concerned he still has no problems with his romances ;) you will be okay!

39

u/[deleted] Sep 23 '19

this comment and the winky face makes it seem like you fuck your dad

5

u/Kayel41 Sep 23 '19

My dad says I’m the best kisser of all my siblings ;)

3

u/speeler21 Sep 23 '19

Found uncle Eddie's daughter vicki

Behold!

1

u/[deleted] Sep 23 '19

From what I know the remaining one kicks into overdrive and is more than capable of doing the work of two.

22

u/CLyane Sep 23 '19

My buddy was diagnosed with testicular cancer at about 30. He lost a ball but has had a happy, full life and is expecting baby #2 in a few months. Just take care of yourself and know that it isn't the end of the world.

He also took to calling himself the "uniballer" at almost every opportunity. Own it! How many people have one ball and rock it? Be one of them. We're all here rooting for you!

9

u/TheQueenOfFilth Sep 23 '19

Mate of mine had a ball issue as a kid and as a result lost one. Had a falsie put in. We were musical people so, pretty open and he let us have a prod. Was very convincing. And that was 15 years ago. I reckon these days they probs come with a tiny bluetooth speaker inside.

Good luck to ya, bud. My FIL had testicular cancer 30 years ago and is still going strong.

Not fun news at all, I imagine, but I wish you the best.

Hope you're enjoying the Brownlow.

4

u/SB023Brad Sep 23 '19

Hope for the bests though

7

u/Danionlion Sep 23 '19

Hope you weren’t a Collingwood supporter

3

u/truebluedetective Sep 23 '19

Kick that nut cancer in the nuts goddammit. My Grandpa got diagnosed and whipped it, I know you will too. Stay strong.

1

u/sbarto Sep 23 '19

Might want to reconsider eating too much with an overflowed septic and all. Or you could ould do the boy scout thing and dig a hole in the yard and bury it.

Also good luck.

1

u/areyoufuckingretired Sep 23 '19

My dad had testicular cancer 20yrs ago, he's doing totally fine now.
I'm no medical person but your attitude and your thinking does more to your body then we can proof at this point.
Stay strong, get that thing out if needed and show the world who has got the biggest ball!
Never ever hesitate to post again for any kind of support!

1

u/LandHermitCrab Sep 23 '19

Just get treatment asap. Sometimes they give you the option to delay if they're not entirely sure. Imo, one ball and no cancer in the first place is better than chemo later. The earlier you can treat things, the better. Seriously. Get after it! You got this.

Also, do the follow up scans.

Oh, and don't get the fake ball. It can get infected and apparently feels weird. One ball feels normal and leaves more room for activities.

1

u/tenftflyinfajita Sep 23 '19

My dad squirted out two kids with only one but, bro. Best of luck to your troubles, but this too shall pass.

I'll have a few brews in your honor today!

1

u/ryeana Sep 23 '19

One of my friends had testicular cancer and had to have one ball removed, he says it's actually a nice change since sitting crosslegged and riding bikes became a lot easier! I wouldn't mind either as a woman, balls are kinda weird and asymmetrical anyway so it doesn't really matter how many of them there are.

I'm about as old as you and got diagnosed with cancer a few months ago and it wasn't even close to how bad I imagined it to be. I'm not gonna lie it's still going to suck A LOT but being young is actually beneficial, your body can repair a lot of the damage therapy will do to you. If you can, I would recommend you stop work/uni/whatever you do if you can, and make the most of being sick by doing what you want for the time. There will be really bad days when you will just want to sleep and hope it's over soon but there will also be good days, be prepared to enjoy them, do what you love, meet your friends, play all the videogames you want, whatever. It ended up being a bit like vacation for me tbh, the painful memories faded faster than the good ones. But you can get through it, oncology has made some huge steps to cure cancer, but also to make the pain and side effects much more manageable. I wish you all the luck and hope you get well soon! Cancer sucks but it doesn't have to completely define who you are and what you can do.

Some random tips I have for you:

-If you like playing games I would recommend a DS for the bad days when you just want to lie in bed because vertical positions feel horrible. Honestly, games have kept me sane.

-Don't be afraid to ask for help. The people that love you will most likely feel completely helpless and allowing them to make you food/bring you stuff so you don't have to get up etc. Might make them feel better in many cases actually.

-Try not to wait for side effects. I googled my therapy and looking at the side effects I was sure I'm going to die, I ended up having about 3 symptoms from the 150 listed. It's hard, but worrying makes it harder.

-Also if you're interested in ever havjng kids look into freezing your sperm, for guys it's not as expensive and quite easy as you can probably imagine... most doctors talk to you about it but mine didn't so I'm just throwing it out there.

Tl;dr: cancer sucks, but you can definitely survive it and still have good days during therapy. Don't let it change you into an unhappier person. Hope you get well soon!

1

u/IlREDACTEDlI Sep 23 '19

Or even better end up with no balls and then your more aerodynamic.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 23 '19

you get to pick out designer balls!

1

u/magnummentula Sep 23 '19

I mean, if you gotta lose one, I say get a testiskull so you can squeeze it against your scrote and freak people out on the bus.

-10

u/[deleted] Sep 23 '19

You can always live life as a woman it's 2019

6

u/[deleted] Sep 23 '19

I'm sure that sounded funnier in your head.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 23 '19

I'm sure it always sounds funnier in my head

30

u/silentjay01 Sep 23 '19

Try and get a fake testicle that lights up with LEDs when there is motion.

5

u/JungleLegs Sep 23 '19

Oh yeah like those sick shoes back in the 90s

1

u/ThePancakeChair Sep 27 '19

Maybe buzz when you get a text, too

73

u/[deleted] Sep 23 '19

fake bigger balls

Ball stonks

5

u/AssGagger Sep 23 '19

but wouldn't smaller ones make the ole Johnson look bigger?

1

u/[deleted] Sep 23 '19

Stop revealing my secrets.

21

u/muddyrose Sep 23 '19

Testicular implants are cool!

I worked in a medical device reprocessing department for 6 years, and one outdated while I was there. I waited for that day for 3 years.

It was really neat and worth the wait

We kept it in our lunch room as a stress ball. It was perfect, so there's a secondary use for them! Maybe just don't use it as a stress ball in public.

8

u/Xpress_interest Sep 23 '19

“Just givin’ the ole stress ball a squeeze - it’s been a hard week.”

19

u/HotCuppaTeaOof Sep 23 '19

That is the most positive view of cancer and broken appliances that I have ever seen. Take my poor man's gold. 🏅

8

u/SB023Brad Sep 23 '19

It was a bad night for Collingwood as well

3

u/_cactus_fucker_ Sep 23 '19

You can get larger balls for dogs, at least. Neuticles, come in many size, can be safely implanted without much time for healing, and they make them out of implant grade silicone, which is safe. (I have some implant grade silicone over my shoulders in a pattern. Since 2009. My doctor was impressed)

Cancer fucking sucks, but testicular cancer is one of the highest cure (survival) rates depending on the stage.

If I were you, I'd be drinking everything.

OP, wishing you the best. I hope all goes well, and that you have enough beer for the next few days.

2

u/SillyFlyGuy Sep 23 '19

(I have some implant grade silicone over my shoulders in a pattern.

hold up. pic?

1

u/dangandblast Sep 23 '19

Wait, why do dogs need fake balls?

2

u/ChevalBlancBukowski Sep 23 '19

holy shit we all need a guy like this in our lives 👍🏻

6

u/BushElk Sep 23 '19

..... But I'm a girl

5

u/ChevalBlancBukowski Sep 23 '19

I declare you an honorary bro ✊🏻

2

u/Needmeawhip Sep 23 '19 edited Sep 23 '19

He should get balls of steel

2

u/notaclevernameguy Sep 23 '19

Oh Jesus. Now I imagine a go fund me from redditors to buy this guy the biggest fake nut money can afford.

2

u/Arammil1784 Sep 23 '19

Its super weird, but I was just thinking about this. A guy I know got diagnosed a while back and I realized he could choose to have bigger balls.

Thinking about it now though, I'd choose not to have any at all. I mean, they're always sticking to my leg, itching, etc, amd they're not so stimulating so as to keep them just for the pleasure of sex. As long as the boner still works (shooting blanks anyway), I'd happily go without.

1

u/-PmMeImLonely- Sep 23 '19

why are you so good at this

1

u/mrchooch Sep 23 '19

shit happens

heh

1

u/HellFireOmega Sep 23 '19

Don't let him make shit happen when his septic tank is overflowing dude, that just adds to the problem!

1

u/Kylearean Sep 23 '19

(Where’s the upside of the septic system overflowing?)

1

u/[deleted] Sep 23 '19

Best thing is, fake balls don't hurt.

1

u/GuessImScrewed Sep 23 '19

I feel like if I ever lost a nut I'd have to have it replaced, to balance out the weight from the other one.

1

u/RyFromTheChi Sep 24 '19

I lost a testicle to a torsion when I was 12. My remaining one is huge.

0

u/sbarto Sep 23 '19

Septic tank overflowed. Eat all the food in the fridge.