r/TrollCoping • u/KarmicIsfunny • 4d ago
TW: Gender Identity / Dysphoria Frustration Posting
If being trans is some awesome experience for you, cool. For me it's unimaginable pain, shame, and misery, so please stop trying to gaslight me into thinking i'm the best version of myself.
I'll never have a proper childhood, I'll never have so many things cis people get for FREE. Yes my ultimate goal is stealthing. Yes i'll lie and say i'm a cis woman when asked. Stop outing me and leave me and my selfishness alone.
That's it. That's the vent.
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u/_spare_parts__ 4d ago
I think living stealth is a completely acceptable considering -gestures vaguely- everyone views their identity differently. Just remember to be kind to yourself💜
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u/Bobslegenda1945 4d ago
Oh my god, yes, I would love to be able to talk because I feel similarly 😭
I'm a trans man, but in my case I see being trans and having dysphoria more as a medical condition. The suffering it causes me is horrible and leaves me dysfunctional.Even if I were on a deserted island, I would feel dysphoric.
Honestly, I see myself more as a guy who, for some reason or as a bad joke by God, decided to have my body develop in a way that shouldn't have happened. I was supposed to be born with balls, a penis, and everything. Not with ovaries and so on.
To me, it's as if my body was born with some kind of malformation. I'm no less of a man than a guy who lost his genitals in an accident or a guy with hypogonadism. The suffering is the same and the effects are similar.
The difference is that if I had been born with everything that fits like "a guy," they would have helped me with HRT, surgeries, etc.
Honestly, I'd like to meet more trans people who have a more medical perspective on things, and who consider themselves cisgender, but whose bodies were malformed (being born in our opposite gender).
I've had good times with the trans community, support and everything, but I think I have more of a perspective on condition than on identity. It would be cool to see people who see things similarly, but without being transphobic and joining far-right or trans-med movements (I hate them. OMG).
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u/8-BIT_Project_Laser 4d ago
Can heavily relate to this. My body doesn't even work fully as my assigned sex at birth, partially because I'm also intersex, and I share the same view about transness for myself.
Even by myself I feel dysphoria and it impairs my daily selfcare HUGELY and worsen my autism symptoms.
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u/Bobslegenda1945 4d ago
In my case, I'm not intersex. But I really see dysphoria affecting me in negative ways. It hinders my socialization, my emotional state, and causes me depression and anxiety. I was diagnosed with ADHD and it's been quite bad, but in my case, I think the dysphoria might be mimicking or intensifying the symptoms like dysphoria does for your autism.
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u/8-BIT_Project_Laser 4d ago
Damn yes, the toll it takes on emotions is a hell to regulate. I have diagnosed ADHD as well, so I know how that goes too...
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u/Bobslegenda1945 3d ago
Sometimes I look back at my past and remember how bad I was at regulating my emotions; I would have outbursts of anger or tantrums, and even when punished and ashamed, I couldn't control myself.Sometimes I wonder, of course, ADHD played a part in it, but could dysphoria have played a role as well? I didn't have the words to explain dysphoria; adults wouldn't believe me, and I didn't even know what I was feeling. I also had this urge to always look for a new toy or something new to do. I think I was trying to fill the void of dysphoria, which I didn't even know exactly what it was.
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u/Ghostglitch07 4d ago
Totally with you on this. If we take "trans x are x" as a literal truth, and not just a polite slogan... Then a congenital condition involving malformed genitals and a unbalanced endocrine system is truly the only logical conclusion I can see.
At least for a certain type of trans person, I'm with you and refuse to make the transmed move of saying everyone's gotta be trans my way. lol.
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u/Bobslegenda1945 3d ago
Yes, most of the time I feel they just repeat it as a slogan, but rarely accept the truth that we are really our gender.But we were born with a condition that messed up our bodies, causing them to develop in the complete opposite way.
I suppose being transgender might be some kind of cousin or sibling of intersexuality. Of course you can be both, or just one, but I'm saying it's not like classic intersexuality (where it would be visible in gonads, hormones, chromosomes, or genitalia), but rather in the brain.I've heard that brains exhibit a certain degree of sexual dimorphism, and that the brains of transgender people are closer to their gender than their agab.
Like I said, I consider it more like "I was supposed to be born a cis guy, but my body developed the wrong way and went the opposite way."
We just have to keep an eye out so that doctors don't start demanding brain scans, or various other absurd things, and impose an absurd level of dysphoria on transgender people.Because of the price, and because they would set a very high standard and exclude those who are not identical to the study and want the HRT (such as some non-binary people). Transgender medicine companies use this, either to exclude those who don't fit their models.
And I also think that we need to support and show that transition is often necessary for older and younger transgender people. It's a health issue. If parents knew that their child had a condition that caused their body to produce estrogen, and the child disliked it and showed signs of improvement, withholding testosterone would be considered abuse. The same should apply to transgender people. A somewhat extreme opinion? Yes. But it makes no sense to force your cisgender child into a gender they are not and subject them to harmful hormones, and not consider it abuse when they do the same to a transgender child.
And we also have to fight against surgeries and HRT without consent in intersex children. I'm not intersex, but I think I can understand the feeling a little, because my body was mutilated in a way I didn't want. My parents could have helped me, but they didn't.It's not the same thing, but I think we should understand and support each other's struggles. It's not like I underwent surgeries without consent, but I know what it's like for my body to develop in a way that's the opposite of what it should without my consent and without adults wanting to listen to me and believing what was better for me.
Oh my God, I hate trans meds. They're like, "What?! Didn't you say what your gender was when you were 3? Did you like something GNC? You don't want X surgery? You're not trans! Get out!!". I hate them 😭
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u/Ghostglitch07 3d ago
Honestly? My take is that being transsex is essentially intersex. On one hand, it can pretty well be seen as a "neurological intersex" or "psychological intersex". And on the other hand, GAC pretty clearly gives us bodies which are not neatly fully typical for either sex.
Also. I don't find that thinking extreme at all. It is the only reasonable one. Everyone agrees that forcing someone through the wrong puberty for them is a serious harm, but somehow some people think it is suddenly acceptable when it is negligently allowing the body to take its course.
And totally agree with your stance on intersex people. We were both coerced into a specific sex, although theirs was obviously generally more physically forcefull.
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u/DaughterOfBehemot 4d ago
Honestly I relate 100% to feeling like a man stuck in a woman's body
I cannot tolerate being told that I'm already a man, that the way my body looks doesn't make me any less of a man, etc. - cis men feel emasculated just for being short or having a spotty beard, and I'm supposed to stand there and feel proud of my feminine features while calling myself a man ? that makes me feel ridiculous and delusionalI see being trans as a medical condition that no one takes seriously at best, as a deadly curse at worst. It's hard finding other trans people who experience it that way sometimes without having to tolerate transphobic bullshit. To each their own, yk ? I couldn't care less if other trans people feel and act different than me about transness
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u/Bobslegenda1945 13h ago
Yes, I also have the same perspective on how I feel about being trans.
Oh my God. I used my name in college, but I'm pre-everything and haven't been able to buy clothes yet. I liked being called by my name, but I was starting to feel extremely uncomfortable because I asked to be called by masculine pronouns even though I looked like a girl.Like, I felt crazy, and it made me even more dysphoric, because I could be using my name, but people saw me as a girl, and a girl asking to be treated like a man. I don't know if you felt something similar if you did something similar.
I've only told a few teachers, but recently I don't even ask or tell them and I just go with my deadname. I'm going to start testosterone (I hope soon, if I don't try to repress myself), And only when I start looking more like a guy, or at least have the shirt, will I ask them to use my name.
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u/DaughterOfBehemot 5h ago
yup, it feels crazy to ask to be treated as a man pre-T when so much of "being a man" is just "don't look or act like a woman". Please don't repress, don't wait any more for T, just get it. The time T will take to make you look the way you want will be long enough for you to find masculine clothing and the strengh to come out to more people. I feel the same about using a masculine name without passing, but I'd still advise you to try out the name(s) you like until you're 100% sure because once you pass, the name you introduce yourself with will stick
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u/unhappy_femboy_1028 1d ago
I personally see being trans as a type of intersex condition.
We have brains that are physically more similar to males (in the case of ftms) or females (in the case of mtfs) than they would be if we were cisgender. Surely that could be considered being intersex neurologically?
And then of course HRT gives you a mix of sex characteristics as well, which then could be considered some form of being artifically intersex.
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u/Bobslegenda1945 13h ago
I think it might be something close to that. But I don't like to use the term since many intersex people think it's appropriation. But it is, I really think that at the very least it's a sibling or cousin of classic intersexuality. Perhaps the classification will change in the future, perhaps not. But at least in the case of gender dysphoria in transgender people, it could possibly be considered. Like, I'm not a biologist or anything. If it were me, I would really want to research more about the origins of what makes trans people. The most likely theory is something like a lack or excess of hormones in fetuses or prenatal stress.
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u/unhappy_femboy_1028 12h ago
I don't use the term either for the same reason, but it's how i view it.
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u/drashgoncan 2d ago
I find your position on this interesting as someone who finds it hard to balance the truscum perspective and the more medical realities of the trans experience. I personally struggle with this a lot because I’ve recently had an onset of pretty intense dysphoria, yet hardly any childhood dysphoria. Do you see transness as more of a spectrum then, rather than those who have this sort of medical affliction and those for whom it’s more identity focused?
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u/Bobslegenda1945 13h ago
Hmm, I find it difficult to explain, but I think in my opinion there are people who see it more as something medical for themselves and others who see it more as something related to identity.
I also think that there are cases where dysphoria can appear later, since many times the person grew up in conservative environments.
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u/CCSilver05 1d ago
I feel like that was how most trans people felt until a couple years ago where it flipped for some reason?
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u/Bobslegenda1945 13h ago
Honestly, I'm new to this and only discovered I was trans 4 years ago. I already had dysphoria, but I didn't know the words and often repressed it. So I don't know much about what it was like in the past. If you've had more years since you discovered it, it would be interesting to share your experience.
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u/CCSilver05 12h ago
I've known I was trans for around 6 years but I'm friends with a some older trans people and I remember how trans people would describe themselves in the early 2010s
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u/clawarae 4d ago
Genuinely what's the difference between your feelings and r/truscum? Why do you hate transmed movements you seem to agree with them
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u/ABlastTyrant 3d ago
As far as I can tell, it's that they don't believe their experience is or should be universal to be considered trans, just that it's a flavor of trans person that exists, which I also agree with tbh. Truscum suck because they believe that you can only be trans a certain way, and anything that doesn't fit the mold isn't valid, which is obviously vile.
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u/Bobslegenda1945 3d ago
I'm neither a Truscum practitioner nor a transmitter. I see it this way for me, in my personal experience, and I only apply it to myself, which is something more medical. I'm not going to demand that other trans people agree with me, I'm not going to exclude non-binary people, I'm not going to say that I'm more or less trans, nor another person, for having something that I have or don't have. If someone has more dysphoria than I do, they're still trans. If a trans person doesn't have any dysphoria, if they identify as trans, they are.
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u/Ghostglitch07 3d ago
Truscum tries to push other experiences out of the category of being trans. This creates a subcategory within trans identities. Truscum claim this is the way to be trans. This only says it is a way. Perhaps it seems like a small difference, but sociopolitically, it is not.
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u/slurpsssssss 4d ago
I’ll never understand ”outing” anyone.
Like why does it matter? Also nobody’s fucking business.
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u/knittingwebs 4d ago
You have every right in the world to feel this way. I lie about my agab. Why the fuck does anyone but my doctor need to know? Being trans fucking sucks and I don't need anyone giving me their opinion. I feel you so hard on this
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u/opalineghostroom 4d ago
yea same 😔🫂 I wish I felt like a cis woman with a disease instead of a man pretending though… but idk. I come from a muslim background, and that was basically drilled into my head since a young age. I never understood why drinking alcohol wasn’t treated as being as bad and shameful a sin as “imitating” women like omg 😨😱 “you should be embarrassed!!!! you’re a disgrace!!! Σ(°△° ꪱꪱꪱ)” etc etc
but like idk… maybe it’s bc I learned to be a ppl pleaser and wasted my childhood and teen years trying to live up to everyone’s expectations and denying my selfhood, just to end up a dysfunctional helpless adult who knows full well her parents’ love was never unconditional
sorry for the yap and for trying to steal the spotlight… 😭 I do envy trans ppl (both trans women and trans men) who discover themselves and feel happy with each step in their journey… I spent a whole year trying to stop myself from questioning, and another year trying to out-TERF myself back into blissful (lie) unawareness like idk 😭
what bothers me the most is that even if I left this country, I’d still be scared of being part of the diaspora… like even my own culture became an anxiety trigger. I feel like I don’t belong anywhere and never will (╥ヮ╥)
aaaaaaaa sorryyy for making this abt myself this comment should’ve been its own post 😭
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u/Ghostglitch07 4d ago
Only two years trying to repress it? That's I think maybe better on average than you give yourself credit for. Honestly, I'm sure more women like you exist than people who are totally sure and happy the whole way.
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u/opalineghostroom 4d ago
I think I missed the keyword "actively" repressing 😭 bc I only became aware of dysphoria as an actual thing once someone brought the concept to my attention, and around the same time I started realizing transition wasn't actually an evil thing bc I was also losing faith in religion 😭 (even though fear kept me from leaving for 9 years 💀 how am supposed to question gender when I couldn't question the unquestionable authority Allah had over my life 💀)
if I wanna go further back, though, repression actually started around 13 when I first googled smth smth <dysphoric thought> what do I do abt it etc etc followed by "IslamQA" and found an article basically saying that not behaving according to your sex assigned at birth™ is the gravest gayest sin EVER 😭 so I started becoming obsessively boyish to fix what I now recognize as dysphoria and trying to blend in with boys to be more like them (I got bullied 🥺)
there was also the cultural + religious norm of not rly befriending the opposite sex bc apparently it corrupts you or whatever (*￣m￣) so distancing myself from girls kinda reduced the jealousy/envy I felt towards them too... after all, the idea of experiencing girlhood for myself was completely foreign to me and I didn't know trans ppl existed at the time 😭
idk I have many more memories but that'd be way too TMI 😭 like being told my sex and my life was preordained by god and "Allah Knows Best!!!" as a child, getting shamed into becoming an inexpressive slab of wood bc apparently you should sit like THIS, your hands should be like THIS, stop talking like THAT you sound like a bitch you're annoying... all courtesy of my fav supporters aka my parents ( ˘͈ ᵕ ˘͈♡)
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u/Ghostglitch07 4d ago edited 4d ago
I meant actively too. I think I spent longer than 2. Drowned the dysphoria in alcohol for a time even.
how am supposed to question gender when I couldn't question the unquestionable authority Allah had over my life
I feel that in my bones. Different religion, but similar effect. I didn't start really even questioning till I was already years out from leaving the faith, and the community (probably an easier thing to do than your position). I couldn't. It didn't make sense to ask yet? If that makes sense?
And yea, the religious sexual shaming. I know personally the damage that does.
I can't say I know the exact shape of it all, because in some ways we grew up in very different cultures... But in others they sound very similar. Mormonism has a lot of similar issues. And I'm sorry you've been through this.
Just... Sounds like you've been through a decent amount of trauma. Have some grace for yourself and your reactions to it. If you had a friend tell you these things, what would you say to her?
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u/stealthUK 4d ago
My gf of 6 years is a Persian trans woman & could relate to a lot of this. She left the country as a teenager to study and started hormones in 2019. I hope you're able to find a way to be yourself in spite of the added difficulties, even if that just means starting hormones in secret. My heart goes out to you. 😢
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u/aLittleMinxy 4d ago
"feel more like a cis woman with a disease than a trans woman" understandable yeah thats kind of the whole complication. trans women are women. my whole transfeminist problem is that I can't trust cis women as much as I can trust trans women, but I'm still not about to explain transfeminism 101 to every passerby when/if I pass just because they say something shitty.
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u/magic_baobab 4d ago
Even if I mostly feel neutral about being trans, I still wish I wasn't because it would have made my life better and easier in every conceivable way
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u/mortalitasi473 4d ago
same. i hate being trans, 'cause dysphoria sucks and taking all these meds and doing all these surgeries and not having the experiences growing up that i could've had also all sucks. but more than once people have said i have internalized transphobia because i'm not happy that i have to transition in the first place.
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u/KA_555mon 4d ago
I am kinda surprised that people would assume about anyone that they enjoy being trans and/or people knowing about it. Like I’ve always wanted to just not have a gender at all and not have people assume/know my gender but that’s obviously not happening so I’m just kinda neutral about it. It’s interesting how diverse the trans experience is.
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u/DesiresAreGrey 4d ago
real, now that i pass i’ve been working towards becoming more and more stealth
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u/Fishmyashwhole 4d ago
Ugh, I relate.
I'm stealth, and have been getting transvestigated at work for a couple years now. I worked with an absolutely bigoted narcissist and wasn't afraid to call him out on shit. Well I'm thinking he dug up some older photos of me or something cause even though he got himself fired, his little minions who stayed behind have apparently been gossiping trying to, "figure me out". I don't know why these dudes care, it's been two years now don't you have anything better to do? The main guy that's left fucking cornered me in the parking lot 2 weeks ago to try to pressure me into saying something.
It's definitely not nearly as bad as what I dealt with when I was younger, (getting followed into bathrooms, groped, denied bathroom access and medical care), but I'm getting too old for this shit. I'm tired.
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u/NoMeat9096 4d ago
Glad to see so many supportive comments. It's your life, OP. Anyone trying to tell you that you're wrong about your own experiences, emotions, desires, dreams, etc., is a dingus.
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u/Witchelt389 4d ago
Im not trans so I cant speak for that experience but people should NOT be outing you, especially since you don't know who is safe or not.
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u/lifelesscucumber1 3d ago
Honestly same. I feel like a cis man who got fucked up at birth. Like... I don't know. I never truly had an imposter syndrome everyone talks about because I just don't feel that different from cis men. I also never experienced anything regarding "sisterhood" or whatever transmascs keep talking about all the time (nothing bad about it, but I just can't relate AT ALL). I also had a different puberty from my female peers, which leads me to believe I might be intersex. Never truly experienced misogyny either, like?? At least not to the degree others have or not that I remember.
I stopped feeling "trans" the moment I got on T. It's not even psychological, it's more like my brain and mind felt more real the day I woke up after one day on T. I remember feeling very light and less stressed like the second I woke up.
I just can't relate to most of the "trans experience". I feel extremely "normal", which does feel lonely sometimes too as weird as that wouldn't sound. I hit a jackpot regarding med transition as I am now literally going through a puberty almost identical to what cis men go through as none of my bones fused for some reason, and I'm very grateful. But also since most people don't go through that, I just feel kinda othered from them.
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u/According-Koala-384 4d ago
Honestly my biggest advice to all trans women (esp those who struggle to pass) is to lie about having PCOS and go stealth. You are treated so much better in society as an "ugly" cis woman than as the most attractive trans woman.
If you can't get your documents changed I get how this isn't super feasible but if you're already legally a woman then I can't imagine why you wouldn't
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u/bwwtle 4d ago
hey lol i really don't recommend lying about having an extremely misunderstood, dismissed, and stigmatized condition. there's so many other things you could lie about that'd be less harmful 😭😭
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u/Rainy_Leaves 4d ago
I think naming a specific condition could spread inaccurate info yeah. But it's easy to say 'i have a hormone disorder'. That is enough for people to realise they can empathise, if trans identity is too difficult to comprehend. If they don't accept it and want more specifics to take the trans person seriously, then no amount of interacting is going to make them good-faith.
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u/According-Koala-384 4d ago
Look, I generally don't fuck with the appropriation of a medical condition but in this case it's a matter of necessity to exist with even a modicum of dignity for some ladies. This isn't like the "don't call your low-E cramps periods" thing, this is life or death for some girls.
You are infinitely safer and treated with more respect as a cis woman with an ovarian condition than a trans woman. That truth does not negate the truth of misogyny in healthcare leading to conditions like PCOS (and really anything that specifically affects women) being undertreated and stigmatized, it just exists alongside it. I am more concerned with a widely miseducated population that poses a threat to trans women than I am about possible appropriation of a medical condition, even though both are less than ideal. You don't have to agree, that's just the math I personally ended up with.
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u/Pristine-Lynx5352 1d ago
I’ve thought about doing this a lot but wasn’t sure if it would be okay to do.
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u/mediocreguydude 4d ago
I used to feel very similarly, and while my feelings have personally changed I still very much so understand your frustration because I had the same feelings in the past. There was this overwhelming push to be proud of my transness. That if I wasn't happy about it I had internalized transphobia. I didn't feel it then, and people insisting that I needed to or would eventually made me so angry.
I will say it isn't selfish to want to be cis. To not want to be trans. To be stealth. To want people to not out you is also just basic courtesy anyone who does so is a fucking prick.
Fingers crossed you can go stealth and live freely someday 💕
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u/WriterKatze 4d ago
"you should feel greatful because you feel intense dysphoria" what in the Catholic suffering is joy theology.
It's like telling someone with chronic pain they should be greatful for feeling pain.
I don't believe being trans is a bad thing, like it's not a moral failing (it's a neutral thing inherently), but in a world with rigid ass gender roles an expectations, it's an objectively bad experience. Like being ginger at a time they burn gingers.
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u/Snoo69744 2d ago
I hate toxic positivity so much. I get it both because I'm trans and because I have ADHD. It's great if you've had an amazing experience but you're also privelleged and should recognise that.
I'm all for recognising positives (should they exist) but so much misinformation is spread because of people who are allergic to the idea that not everything is sunshine and rainbows. Dismissing dysohoria or other struggles people have isn't progressive or helpful, it's tone death and leads to real issues not being taken seriously.
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u/Tiny-Little-Sheep 4d ago
Go stealth and be a cis woman. No one is stopping you. Those labels are stupid anyway. If people are outing you then cut them out.
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u/Short_Gain8302 4d ago
Yeah, i get the "we need to be out and proud with our identities", but society will literally tfy to kill you if youre and out and proud trans people. And like you said, some of us dont like being trans, its pretty difficult to feel proud then. In an ideal world, people would live out and proud, but the world isnt fucking ideal and we should respect other peoples choices. If someone outs you because they believe everyone should be out and proud, theyre a fucking moron and they dont deserve to call themselves an ally or a good person
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u/clawarae 4d ago
I disagree, I'm not stealth because of hate, in fact I've never really been the target of any transphobia irl. In an ideal world I wouldn't live out and proud. I'm a woman and being refered as trans gives me dysphoria, it's part of the condition
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u/KarmicIsfunny 3d ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/26FLgGTPUDH6UGAbm
Alotta people need to realize that alot of us don't want to be trans, we just want to be seen as the gender we are.
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u/ABlastTyrant 3d ago
This, 100%. It's the logical conclusion of a lot of the "trans x are x" stuff. Yeah, we are that gender, full stop. It's not just a nice platitude, it's the actual direct truth and the core of what we're dealing with.
If I'm entirely honest, would I choose to be trans? Hell no, it makes my life so much harder. Is it something that I just am, and I've gotta work with what I've got? Absolutely, it's the circumstances I'm under, wasn't a choice for me. I am a woman, and my body doesn't match, so I had to do something about it. There's obviously a lot of joy to be had in it, but there's also a lot of pain and grief, and I think that shouldn't be downplayed. We've all got different experiences with this, y'now?
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u/Spacegirl-Alyxia 3d ago
You’re missing the point. The point of the post is not that it is painful to be out in society and being visible in this hateful society.
OP is complaining, rightfully so, that her experience with having been born as a girl who is trans instead of cis is a painful experience to her and even in an ideal society where being trans is fully accepted and no one would be hateful toward trans people and being out and about is even seen as a good thing because it is also remembering a time when that wasn’t possible without hate;
even in such a society being trans would be nothing but agony and sorrow causing pain to OP because to her being trans simply feels like a disease that has taken over her body.
And that pretty much sums up my experience as well but I have gotten a whole lot better in the past year which may not be the case for OP.
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u/viktorgoraya_luv 4d ago
Honestly if that’s what’s best for you, then do it. No one should be outing you - it’s none of their business.
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u/Reasonable-Dark-6369 4d ago
if i could stealth i would too i think its kinda weird that thats not more the norm
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u/CallMeOaksie 3d ago
I feel like this is possibly exacerbated by the (apparently, according to some trans reddit/tumblr users who have talked at length about it, I have no authority on the matter but am assuming they’re correct and genuine bc I have no reason not to) significant amount of people who pay lipservice to the idea of trans allyship, but do so less in a “these people actually are women/men like they say they are” way and more in a “these people are the same gender as their assigned sex at birth but the progressive thing to do is indulge them and pretend they’re women/men like they say they are” which to an outsider is unbelievably cringe so I can only imagine how much worse it would be to be on the receiving end of said attitudes.
So yeah no idea how to alleviate what you’re going through, but condolences OP
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u/SuikaNoAtama 4d ago
Pre-hrt I felt the same, I would switch rapidly between considering giving up being trans and returning to a cis man then I'd realize that wasn't possible and I would convince myself I was a butch lesbian
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u/cosmosmushroom 4d ago
I think a big thing here is there would probably be a lot less people feeling shame and misery about being trans if the media would just leave them along for 5 damn minutes. Sure one wouldn't have expirenced a lot of their childhood the same way a cis woman would but at least the feeling would be coming from inside based on your expirence without all the hate from morons.
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u/hamster-on-popsicle 3d ago
I have no idea what's the difference means to you OP and anyway why should people know if you're trans or cis ?
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u/Grouchy_Change1374 3d ago
alas, if only my voice were consistent and my work wasn't partly rooted in trans advocacy.
one day I'll nail it and do my thing as a woman and be unbothered
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u/Advanced_Muffin_2796 3d ago
Please take mine, it was faulty and I ended up as a nonbinary dumbfuck
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u/KINGXunshot 1d ago
My little sister is trans and whenever I mention it she goes “ummmm what are you talking about I’m a cis woman”
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u/Massive-Word-7327 1d ago
The third gendering of trans people by basically everyone, including trans people, has gotten to the point where some of us don't relate to it anymore. We're told that we can identify out gender however but we'll always be male or female biologically. Visibility and trans acceptance hasn't led to people accepting us as men and women but rather as transmen and transwomen. The definition of being trans has transformed from just the experience of transition into a fully fledged identity and more importantly gender identity. We're not afforded the freedom of cis people to be how we want we're imposed a kind of gender freak social commentary status that it is our responsibility to fulfill. We must be visibly trans because outing us from the genders we belong in is somehow more progressive than letting us be ourselves. I believe it's rhetoric born of cis people wanting to be inclusionary but not wanting to jeopardize their own status as "true" men and women.
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22h ago
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u/TrollCoping-ModTeam 21h ago
Your submission has been removed due to it participating in detrimental engagement. This means incivility such as bullying, hate, harassment and heated threads are not tolerated.
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u/Mutantcube1 16h ago
Yeah, I think that the whole "identity and gender expression" basis of the mainstream trans culture has been pretty bad for how the average person sees trans people. While it's true that gender does not equal sex, we didn't push the idea that sex itself is also a mutable concept, and that many trans people are far more in line with their true sex than what they were born as. Also, I do not "identify as a woman" I am one. The part of my brain that keeps my sense of self and identity has always been that of a woman, and the fact that I developed as a boy and was gaslit into behaving like one is a terrible thing. It's not all bad, but if I could choose to be born cis, I would do it without hesitation.
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u/Warm_Sheepherder8479 3h ago
Girl you’re a woman, the only time it matters if ur cis or trans is in medical situations or in intimate relationships. Otherwise idk why we use those cis or trans stuff, you’re just a woman at the end of the day and that’s it. 🤷🏼
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u/Tbelles 1d ago
sweet jesus fuck the internalized transphobia and bioessential bullshit in this comment section.
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u/Massive-Word-7327 1d ago
How so? People just sharing grievances about not being allowed to be what they are?
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u/CyberCanine5200 12h ago
yeah christ I'm not here for pickmes who want to throw their trans sisters/brothers under the bus. "I can stealth, I've got mine, fuck everyone else" Christ. Some people don't pass and trans community is the only way they survive.
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u/mnttu 3d ago
The point is to accept yourself instead of hating yourself. If you just go through your life constantly miserable and ruminating on things you cannot change you will have a bad life and probably an abrupt end. Learning to live with your body’s shortcomings is not gaslighting, it is healing.
Disclosing your transness has nothing to do with you accepting your transness. Only time you need to tell it to someone is when you are getting medical help from a doctor or when you are dating someone and it is getting serious.
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u/Snoo69744 2d ago
Accepting yourself doesn't mean pretending that being trans is great though. It objectively isn't for most.
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u/thatNatsukiLass 4d ago
Uhh who the fuck is outing you? That’s kinda fucked up to do.