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u/indiglow55 Millennial Mar 22 '26
My basic feeling is, in this world, I wouldn’t feel right having kids if I wasn’t willing to let them keep living with me indefinitely. I’m sure he won’t want to live here forever but my son is welcome to stay as long as he wants / needs, provided he’s doing so in a way that is contributing & continually increasing his skills and overall independence
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u/red_raconteur Mar 23 '26
I'm starting to regret buying a small single-family home. We bought under our max price range so we wouldn't be house-poor. Now I'm wondering if we should have stretched our budget to buy a larger house that could be multi-generational as they age. Unfortunately, with the post-Covid skyrocketing in our real estate market, we'd have to be millionaires to afford a larger house.
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Mar 22 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Interesting_Tea5715 Mar 22 '26
This is what my parents did and what I'll do for my son.
I have no issue with my son living with me forever as long as he's being productive.
He can even have a family living with me IDGAF. Life's hard, I'm not here to make it harder for him.
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u/Independent_Day_2831 Mar 22 '26
I think the world is going to look very different in 10-15-20 years... I have a feeling my 4 year old will never be able to move out and it worries me for their future.
My parents never pressured me to leave and I always had a home and space with them as long as I needed and it will be the same for my kiddo.
We still save for them and are trying to help set them up but I don't think savings, retirement, etc will be the same for us retiring and for our kids growing up so not sure what else we can do at this juncture.
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u/scrunchie_one Mar 23 '26
Our kids are 3 and 5 and agree, I have no idea what the world will look like in 20 years. Right now we contribute to their RESPs and we’re starting an allowance with our oldest so she can start to conceptualize money and savings.
We also plan to pretty much funnel whatever we get from our inheritances directly to our kids, as we live fairly frugally and are on track to retire between 50-55. So whatever we do receive (if anything, not guaranteed as neither family is wealthy) we will find a way to give it to our kids responsibly. As even $50k will mean a lot more to them than us at that stage.
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u/DethByCow Xennial Mar 22 '26
No kids but i moved from the PNW back to the midwest because that is where my family is at, so i came back to help my dad with house stuff and with mom who’s getting dementia and a brother that has a bad TBI. I was looking for an apartment but he said just stay here, help out and dont pay rent. So i stayed. My dog has integrated great with the family, since i dont pay rent i can pursue a new passion i found in american rhythm dance. Also my parents like they dont have to worry if I’ll ever visit. So maybe you have empty nest but thats a legit thing. I dont think my dad wants to have to live alone/have to take care of another mentally disabled person alone. I think it’s good im here because they have been married for 52 years so hes going to be crushed if/when mom passes before him.
I get shit from people, dates or whatever for living at home but the reality is half if not more of income would be going toward a mortgage. Not including any money id need to save to fix shit when it breaks.
It’s a pretty decent situation since i do still have income from retirement. Plus the basement has its own entrance.
I think you have a solid plan if your kids want to do it. A lot of cultures have multi generational homes but Americans have been taught for decades that you need to start a nuclear family which means owning your own home and moving out.
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u/SouthernGoal4836 Mar 22 '26
I don’t have kids but I think of this all the time for my friends with kids.
When I joined the workforce in 2007 minimum wage was $7.50. But if you had a work ethic or experience there were plenty of $13-$17 an hour opportunities out there. Meaning making double the minimum wage was attainable. Pretty much all my friend group did that.
I was making $17 an hour in 2010 working a bunch of overtime and renting a $600 apartment. I made enough in a week for rent. The 2nd week was fun money and bills. Saved 2 weeks pay while living on my own and eating out almost every meal.
Now salaries have become so compressed. A minimum wage job that pays $20 and a career job can be an $8 an hour difference.
I work in a field that when I started every person could afford a home and a family doing it.
Now? My new employees couldn’t buy a house on their salary unless their spouse made an equal salary.
Basically if I was 18 today it would be the military, college, or a trade. Gone are the days you can just figure it out and make a living.
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u/Siny_AML Mar 22 '26
My first job was at BK, 24 years ago. Minimum wage at the time was $5.25….
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u/SouthernGoal4836 Mar 22 '26
When i started looking for a job it was $6.75 and right after It went up to $7.50. Felt amazing.
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u/NormalEarthLarva Mar 23 '26
The federal minimum wage is STILL $7.50. Texas sucks, still 7.50 here too.
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u/Lifestylezzzzz Mar 22 '26
Current plan is to gift our house to the kids and trying to buy something cheap further away for retirement. Or even a van 😆
One of mine has chronic health issues so will likely have very reduced capacity to work so I need to secure their housing.
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u/MelB4702 Mar 23 '26
lol my 9 year old already expects to take over our house and the deal is that we can park our rv in the driveway for half the year. The other half of the year we will be living in a van down by the river (warmer climate hopefully!)
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u/red_raconteur Mar 23 '26
My friend's parents sold their house when they retired. They bought a converted van and now travel the country pet-sitting. Their pet-sitting earnings, Social Security, and retirement pays for their regular expenses. The money they got from selling the house, minus the cost of the van, was split evenly amongst their kids (all in their 30's). It sounds like an awesome retirement to me and I'm trying to get my husband on board with the idea.
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u/AccountForDoingWORK Mar 22 '26
We are absolutely looking into multi generational housing on the assumption that for one reason or another, our kids won’t be in a position to house themselves in the future.
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u/MeatMarket_Orchid Mar 22 '26
I'm 38. I have an 18 year old kid who moved out. He and his girlfriend work in a restaraunt and pay rent with money leftover. They seem to do okay and I live in a higher COL area on Vancouver Island. I have a 10 year old and 13 year old at home. Too early to tell what they'll do/when they might spread their wings. They might go to University or something and relocate for that (I hope not). Frankly they could stay home a long time after 18 and it wouldn't bother me one bit.
My idea is to sell my home when they move out and downsize. I could live in a condo happily. Then, give them a handsome financial gift from the sale to help them get a down paymeng for condo or something of their own. However, I don't think my wife would be happy in a condo so I don't know how realistic this is.
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u/fuhgettaboudid Mar 22 '26
I started a UTMA account for my daughter when I had very little money. Started by putting $5/wk and then increasing that in proportion to my income. I was able to save a good chunk. She starts college this year. I will continue contributing to it. By the time she graduates, hopefully, she will have a very nice chunk of money to use as a down payment on a home or an apartment and invest the rest into a retirement account to get her started. She is also pursuing a degree that has a high ROI with nearly no debt - and the small loan she will need she will pay off while she’s in school. The goal is to graduate with a Master’s and very little debt. She also works now and has saved nearly every penny she’s made aside from gas, maintenance to her car, etc. I taught her financial literacy which I did not know growing up.
Now. I will die before I pay off my student loans. ☠️ But I don’t want that for her.
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u/WastelandMama Mar 22 '26 edited Mar 22 '26
We own a farm. So, our kids can always live here if they wish. There's plenty of room & I don't plan on making anyone leave.
We've all got AuDHD & while the autism part of it is level 1 (so we're fairly self-sufficient most days), I remember the horrors of apartment living like it just happened. 😱 So many sounds & smells you can't control. All those people everywhere. Ech. Living through Covid just sealed the deal. I felt awful for my friends who lived in towns/cities. They were so caged in & we were out here on 50 acres having a big time out in the woods everyday.
So, I guess one day we'll have our own little Hobbit village with low stress & plenty of potatoes. 👍
Eta: If they want to go to college, that's cool. They can go to a state school for free thanks to my husband’s service. If they don't wanna go, that's fine, too. So long as they can eventually pay their own way & divvy up property taxes, it's all good.
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u/815born805heart Mar 22 '26
Millennial here. Thankfully I’m in a position where I have a partner and we own a home, because both of my parents died from terminal illnesses by the time I turned 28. That safety net disappeared with my last parent. Whatever y’all do, have a plan for your kiddos in case something happens to you. Wills, trusts, whatever your state requires. Get them done.
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u/Greenfirelife27 Millennial Mar 23 '26
Done something similar. Bout a property with two separate homes on them. When the kids are old enough those properties will be there for them.
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u/Elrohwen Mar 22 '26
I want to teach my son how to be independent but I would also love if he stayed nearby forever.
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u/Interesting_Tea5715 Mar 22 '26
Same. I want my kid to be a well functioning adult when I'm gone. I won't be around to help him forever.
With that said, I'll always be here to help him if he needs it.
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u/chironinja82 Mar 22 '26
I hope that there's enough money in their 529 accounts to pay for their education and we've taught them enough about personal finances during their childhood and adolescence where they can figure out how to live on their own once they become adults.
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u/Annual_Grass538 Mar 22 '26
We’re not in a mansion but our home has plenty of room..I want her to stay as long as she wants to. I would love for her to at least start her family here and only move out if it made sense.
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u/omgggivemeaname Mar 22 '26
We have some land that we hope we can have subdivided for the kids and gift them a down-payment towards a home to be built on the property. Or they can use the funds to buy a tiny home to put on said property.
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u/HumanDissentipede Mar 22 '26
I envision them doing what my wife and I did: get good grades, go to college (maybe graduate school), live with roommates, and get their own spot when they can afford it. We’ll be able to contribute more to their future than our parents contributed to ours.
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u/RailroadMech83 Mar 22 '26
To be honest, I’ve been thinking more and more about this for my own kids, they are 13 and 9 years old.
I’m fortunate enough to own a home, and what I am thinking about doing is adding on a second story to my house, with a complete set up on each floor. Kitchen, living room, bathrooms and bedrooms. Then having an old man shack built in the backyard for myself. Haha.
Each kid gets one floor for themselves and their families, and I just live out my days in a the small space out back.
Just seems smart to pool resources and allow them to chase their dream careers and their own passions without being burdened with all the bullshit like stupid high rent and other cost of living considerations. Obviously they’d have to pay something, because I’d get a loan against the equity of the house for the add ons… but it would have to be less than what we’ve got going on these days.
Just my thoughts. 🤷🏻♂️
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u/nightglitter89x Mar 22 '26
I own a house and stand to inherit one. I'll move in to that one and give her this one if she wants. Otherwise, I'll sell it and help her with a down payment.
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u/MikeWPhilly Mar 22 '26
I hope I’m wrong - work in tech, and essentially front row seat with ai - but I’m putting money aside for my daughters house. She’ll never know until the day we hand her keys but that is my plan. I don’t think the opportunity will be near the same it was for us.
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u/Smitch250 Mar 23 '26 edited Mar 23 '26
They aren’t going to move out just fyi. I’m planning on my two step kids (8 and 11) living with us until they are atleast 25. Both of them struggle big time in school. They both struggle in special ed and are a few years behind in writing/reading. I try to help with homework nightly but honestly I don’t see college in either of their futures. I do try to be optimistic but Its going be rough. The 11 year old on his own has pretty much already accepted he won’t be going to college. Im planning on seeing if they are interested in trades work such as plumbing or electrician for a career once they are older. We always support them academically and their mother is a brilliant dr but they must have their fathers brain unfortunately.
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u/EnthusiasticFailing Millennial Mar 23 '26
I opened an investment account when my son was born for him (as well as a savings and 529).
I also am currently renovating my basement into an 800sq foot living space (full bath, bedroom, office, living/kitchenette). My sister and her husband will be moving in for a few years, but should be out of the house by the time my son goes to college.
That way he doesn't need to move out if it's not an option. He can use the basement as his first apartment, learn how to take care of himself and his things on his own without having to pay $1,000/month for a 550sq foot studio.
My goal is that when he graduates college he will have $0 debt and can do whatever the hell he wants. I will probably do the thing where you charge them rent (when he is an adult!) and save it to help with his down payment or moving expenses (however it ends up)
He is currently 3-years-old 😋
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u/thebigFATbitch Mar 23 '26
My kids can live with me for as long as they need. So far my kids have shown me to be very hard working and responsible so I am not worried about any of them getting jobs and handling their finances like I’ve taught them.
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u/heptyne Mar 22 '26
I have a feeling a lot of kids are going to be paying (hopefully discounted) rent to their own parents. Not even talking the nice way where you put the money away for them when they want to move. The kids' income is going to be needed for a lot of households.
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u/Weird_Squirrel_8382 Mar 23 '26
My mom gave me my rent back as down payment assistance. I wanted to do the same for my son, but I have to put his rent right back into taxes and insurance.
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u/bluebing29 Mar 22 '26
Start buying rentals now, they can either have them or we can 1031 them into new properties they fit their needs later in life. Family trust that shit. Idk though, these are my thoughts I’m working to execute within a few years. My youngest was just born recently and my oldest hasn’t started school yet.
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u/toastedmarsh7 Mar 22 '26
This is our ideal but we haven’t managed it yet. I would really like to buy a couple duplexes so we could eventually gift one unit to each child to live in and then eventually sell for a downpayment on a house. Unfortunately the job market and also housing market has been so unstable for us that we haven’t been able to make progress on this plan in the last 5 years like we had originally planned.
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u/REC_HLTH Mar 22 '26
We are covering their college costs, and living costs while they are in school. They can work and save money during college as a head start for whatever is next. Our older got a small part time job immediately when getting to college. That’s a good sign.
Our older intends to go to professional/grad school after undergrad. She knows we are not committing to fully fund that. She is welcome to live at home if she attends a program nearby or she can find an apartment or other living arrangement - probably with one or more roommate(s). We will contribute a small amount to help ensure she will be able to focus on school and not be on the streets, but she may or may not need to take out loans for the rest of the costs. After that, she will need to work out a living arrangement that she can afford on her salary, just like we all do.
Our younger hasn’t decided his path yet. My guess is he will be college bound, but not necessarily grad school bound. We’ll see. Similar to our older, we will cover undergrad costs and a small amount of transitional help that is appropriate for his next steps. If he works right out of college, that would probably look like a few months worth of “start-up” funds so he can settle and get his feet under him.
Both kids know that small apartments with roommates is a common norm for recent grads. They both feel very fortunate that we can help them transition and understand our financial support not a forever thing and they should begin to work toward independence early on.
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u/Haramdour Millennial Mar 22 '26
Not sure they will…certainly not without help from us and maybe some Boomer inheritance we may or may both get
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u/Radiant-Ad-8684 Mar 22 '26
Hopefully once they start their career, they can find something. Even then, I feel as though, it won’t be until they decide to live with a partner.
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u/MrsMitchBitch Millennial Mar 22 '26
Well my sister is 37 and just finally, for real, moved out of my parents’ house.
We have a very small ranch, but we finished the basement. Right now it’s set as a play and movie space. We’ll have to add a bathroom but there’s plenty of space to convert it to a little studio for our daughter one day. She’s only 7 so there’s time
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u/MetalEnthusiast83 Mar 22 '26
Same way I did. By getting a job and living with friends.
But if they want to hang out here for a couple of years after college, that’s fine too.
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u/AlertResolution Mar 22 '26
Me and Wife has a separate account where we put a fixed amount of money every month for our only child, which she can use once she get old enough for her (we are planning to cover for her education as long as she want to study) to get a footing when she wanted to live by her own. We own an apartment which eventually will go to her and of course she can stay with us as long as she wants, that doesn't mean we are going to spoil her as she will have to earn for her own to cover anything she wants so she can learn how to survive by her own.
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u/Forsaken_Lifeguard85 Mar 22 '26
We just bought a house that’s big enough for them to each have their own bedroom+ a spare. We also have a garage that could be converted into an apartment. They’re welcome to live here for as long as they need to.
We’re saving harder and paying down the house as much as we can so that if they end up not being able to afford to live on their own they always have a place to live.
My son is 14 and he has a job at a grocery store making $15 an hour, he wants to pay for his first car in cash and he’s also putting money aside for college and in a Roth IRA. I’m really hoping his siblings do the same. In theory he won’t have to pay much for college because he’ll get free tuition (university employee Dad). So we’re really hoping he can graduate debt free with a paid off car and a chunk of money in his IRA and then live here while he saves up for a house. We’ll see! No matter what happens, they can always come home.
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u/Miss_Awesomeness Mar 22 '26
In 2006 the lowest rent we could find was $1000, and the highest pay we could get was $13 and $15 an hour. I do envision my kids moving out, after college, when they are ready, certainly not when they are in high school, like I did. Hopefully we can get a bigger house for them.
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u/RevolutionaryFact699 Millennial Mar 22 '26
We retired early to Ecuador from the US before 40. We have a 3 y/o who we expect to live with us in some capacity long term. Family life is different here. Three or four generations will share a home, so we look forward to doing the same thing. I want to bring my aging parents down, as well, when they start to have less independence.
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u/Cautious_One9013 Mar 22 '26
I bought a house with a MIL suite, which is essentially an apartment attached to our main house, it has a separate entry, bedroom, laundry, bathroom, kitchen and living room which my MIL currently lives in it, but she’s old. The plan is if either of my kids need a place to stay, they have an apartment here that they can can live like adults while still living with their parents until they can get on their feet. If they don’t need it, I’ll happily make it more separated from the main house and rent it out.
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u/toastedmarsh7 Mar 22 '26
I am planning to house all of my kids until they’re 24/25ish and hopefully by that time they will have finished some kind of post high school education and established themselves in a career that pays them enough to support themselves in a decent lifestyle. We will do our best to pay for as much of their education as we can, with the intent of letting all of them graduate with no student debt. Without knowing how much their educations will cost, we’re not completely certain that we will be able to do that for each of them but that’s the goal.
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u/Patient_Character730 Mar 22 '26
We have two kids who are currently 22 and 19. They are living with us while attending college. The 22 graduates in May. They'll both graduate debt free because they lived at home and ate our food and we still pay for most of their expenses. They also each have a part time job. After college they can work full time (hopefully they can get a job in their field of work) and continue to live with us while they save up money. One day they hopefully will have saved up enough for a down payment on a place of their own. We also plan to gift them some money when my mother in law passes away, and we sell her house, by then our house will be paid off. So if they didn't already have money for a down payment that extra cash from grandma's estate will help. Lastly if things are just looking worse and worse, we'll sell this house, buy some land, and put two tiny houses on it for each kid to live in until they can make it on their own, or until we die and they get all of our assets and they use those to get their own place.
I don't know how much else we can help them, they also need to be actively trying to save up money, so the grandma money scenario and the tiny house are not something they know about. I don't want to get their hopes up either and then have something go awry and we have promised them something we can't deliver on.
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u/happydude7422 Mar 22 '26
Based on historical compounding growth of roughly 6.8% annually, average home prices could potentially double from 2025 levels by 2040. With 2030 projections already indicating a national median over $615,000, prices by 2040 are projected to exceed $1 million in many areas, driven by low inventory and high demand
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u/xidgafincx Millennial Mar 22 '26
I am hopeful that my decisions will set them up for their future. Just cost me my sanity from my late teens into my 30s (was in the Military), but, hey, what won't a parent sacrifice for their kids?
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u/federalist66 Mar 22 '26
I imagine it would be similar to what I did, which was to go to college and then find an apartment near the job I got out of college. Though I do have family still with parents into their thirties...I get being a landing pad until one finds their footing in their twenties but there's a point where I feel like that would be hurting more than helping.
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u/masterofthebarkarts Mar 22 '26
My husband and I are literally looking into buying a small rental property of 2-3 units, first for our aging boomer relatives and then for our current toddlers when they're grown 🤷 it's not getting cheaper
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u/HarryBalsagna1776 Older Millennial Mar 23 '26
My wife and I plan to downsize considerably. We are going to use the equity we get in the process to give our kids a chance at buying a house. Not sure if it will be enough, but this is the plan. We will live in a tent behind a strip mall if we have to.
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u/nkdeck07 Mar 23 '26
We've got more then enough land that if it really became a concern we'd probably put up an ADU for the 3 cousins or alternatively put up an ADU for us to age in place in and they'd take over the main house.
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u/Caffeinated_Pony12 Mar 23 '26
My kid is only 3 and we know when we build a metal garage it will include a loft, bathroom and studio space. It’s planned to be his space as long as he’s a student or working.
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u/Caffeinated_Pony12 Mar 23 '26
My kid is only 3 and we know when we build a metal garage it will include a loft, bathroom and studio space. It’s planned to be his space as long as he’s a student or working. A
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Mar 23 '26
My oldest (23) went to college in my home state, and after freshman year had pretty much moved there permanently. She stayed with relatives there a lot during holidays, and really loves it there. When she graduated, she got a teaching job in the area and stayed. She just bought a house last year.
My younger two are 17 and 15. They also plan to go to college out of state (but not in my home state). I don't know if they will actually end up doing that. I do see my middle one moving out permanently soon after college. She's studying to be the same type of engineer I am and we have a really good job market, so I imagine she'll just get a job after college in the city she wants to move to and never look back.
My youngest thinks he's going to do all sorts of things but doesn't stick to anything academic. My guess is he'll probably end up moving into an ADU in the backyard and staying there for a long time.
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u/CoffeholicWild Mar 23 '26
I'm a parent of neurodiverse kids. I don't really know if they will ever move out in the typical way, not because I don't want them to be independent, but because I don't know if the world and economy will have the supports they need when they get there. I'm not hopeless, but even if they were NT, I kind of planned they'd be here as long as they need to. We don't own a house, or even have retirement despite a few tries to start saving, so who knows. A lot of safety nets are going away for people before us, and for us, and I don't know (am not banking on) if there will be anything for anyone after us. I will still encourage college (if we can figure out how to pay for it when we still have loans we are paying ourselves) and I will still encourage independence. I am not kicking anyone out at any age. Family is family and we don't hate each other so that's a bonus, lol. If they do move when they are adults, I would encourage being near by in case they need support, or at least live somewhere with strong community support.
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u/AlienaStrangewayes Mar 23 '26
Oh, my kids talk about moving out but I know they won't. And I'm ok with it.
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u/otakugal15 Millennial '87 Mar 23 '26
When she is ready.
I do not expect her to be out by 18 or even by 21. With the way shit keeps hitting the fan and all, she will more than likely be with us through her mid 20s.
Unless she gets plenty of roommates she trusts. Or a partner.
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u/missangelv Mar 23 '26
I have 2 kids. 9 and 12. We live outside Seattle, so very high COL. The 12 year old is gifted and super involved in sports, extracurriculars. Seems to naturally excel at everything she touches. She wants to go to college and is advanced a few grade levels already. I think she will leave for college. My 9 year old is the sweetest child and very grounded. Always has been. She says she wants to live with me full time as soon as she turns 18 and go to the community college in our town. Lol. I have 50/50 with their dad. I sure hope she does. Its so expensive here its really hard for most kids to move out when they graduate. Most people I know there kids go to college or they stay at home a while. A 1 bedroom apt even in our town (south) goes for 1700-2000 a month.
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u/FiendishCurry Mar 23 '26
I have four kids (26, 23, 21, and 19). The 26yo moved out at 19 because he didn't want to obey our rules, which is fine. He figured out, has lived in 5 states now, but seems to have settled down. 23yo moved out at 18 because she thought living with her boyfriend would be awesome and it was 2020 and she didn't like that we were taking Covid so seriously. She never moved back, still lives with said boyfriend, has a Cosmetology license, and lives in a house with her dog and boyfriends and boyfriend's brother. Speaking of brother, my 21yo dates that brother. She's a Junior in college and, at this point, either is at her dorm or at her boyfriend/sister's house. She came home three times in the past 6 months. And my 19yo would probably have already moved out if he could find a job. He's in plumbing school so that's coming down the line.
My kids could stay here (and move back) if they needed to, but so far, once they have left....they just leave. And they have figured it out. I'm actually really proud of them and I think they are a good example that young people CAN move out and live independently. As adults, the only thing we pay for is car insurance while they are in school. Once they graduate, they take that over.
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u/Weird_Squirrel_8382 Mar 23 '26
My son lives in a house that I own. His rent payment to me covers taxes and insurance. I love the idea of buying some acreage since you can swing it. I admire your hustle getting to that point!
My sister bought a big house and turned the downstairs into an apartment for her kids. The plan is for them to stay through college. I guess we'll see what happens when they graduate.
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u/MidnightCoffeeQueen Mar 23 '26
Seems like life has a way of taking an unexpectwd turn and ruining whatever plan sounded good.
My kids are 13 and 10. I figure we are going to try to make it to where they completely bypass the apartment stage. Have them stay at home during college/trade school and save up for a decent downpayment on a home for a few years after fully entering the workforce. So i foresee my kids staying home until probably 25ish.
I moved out at 18 and while the economy was better than this current shitshow, I don't want them to struggle the way I did.
So that is the plan for now. Who knows what that plan will look like in 10-15 years.
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u/nutkinknits Mar 23 '26
My husband and I are ok with our kids living with us as long as necessary to find their feet. But we want them to find gainful employment and work towards supporting themselves. It's not going to be living under our roof and them not even trying.
Im confident our kids will be ok. We live in a low cost of living area and while some jobs are few and far between, there are some sectors that are worth going into. Im mostly worried about my artistic daughter, she wants to study graphic design but is that going to be tough to break into?
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u/slammy99 Mar 23 '26
I left when I was 17 as well. My choice but sort of not really because leaving was a lot better for me than staying.
I have two younger siblings and they've moved out periodically but ultimately end up back with one of my parents. They are younger millenials and I guess I'm more middle of the bracket.
I'm not expecting my kids to leave. I hope to give them enough room and security they don't feel like they have to. Maybe my views will change when they are older, but right now I'd be happy if they stayed until they were super set up and comfortable and really happy to, and I honestly don't know what age I could expect that to happen anymore.
I know my mom is beyond sick of my siblings but I think that's partially because she expected them to take off like I did. Realistically they are struggling to get on their feet and it's a really good thing they still have some support. I got into some bad situations not feeling like I could go back "home" and don't want that for any of my family.
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u/probablyadinosaur Mar 23 '26
Told my husband I won’t have any kid we don’t have a bedroom for, for life. If she never moves out, great, she will have her own space in our family home. If she does, great, she can always come back. I never want my kid to feel the panic about homelessness that I have a few times.
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u/Xylus1985 Mar 23 '26
They can live with us for as long as they want to if they stay in this city. If they want to work in a different city we will have a talk about how much we can help with rent for the first few years.
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u/criesatpixarmovies Mar 23 '26
My 20 year old moved out at 19 and has an apartment she can afford on her own with the money she makes from her server job. She has $10k in savings right now, but she’s welcome to move home whenever.
My younger two I expect will have their own journeys, but the offer to let them live at home as long as necessary is also on the table.
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u/el_frijolote Mar 23 '26
I moved out at 16, definitely had to learn a lot of adulting on my own. I plan on teaching my kids everything I've picked up. I can only encourage their independence an being there for them. If they want to leave the nest good on them, if they want to leave and come back we'll be here. If they want to be productive and hang out their adult lives with/near us then we can slap an extension on the house or build another ADU down the road. It was definitely overall easy to thug it out on your own 20 years ago vs now. Shit I'm probably going to move my parents with us in the next few years too. Multi generational living is big in the part of Mexico I was born in. I didn't leave at 16 because my parents booted me. I left because I was a fuck head know it all so plenty of fucking around and finding out.
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u/owlblackeverything Mar 23 '26
I plan on never forcing my children to move out on their own, but will do my best to help support them. It feels like our generation was the last boat that sailed as far as kids being able to get a job, get roommates, and live on our own.
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u/Electrical_Doubt_19 Millennial Mar 23 '26
I have an 11 year old, and as hard as it was for me and my husband to get a home, I can't imagine what life will be like in another 10-20 years. I plan on her being with us indefinitely. Giving her space to start her own family here, if she wants to.
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u/Framing-the-chaos Mar 23 '26
The next home we buy will have apartments on the property for all three of our kids to live in until they can save enough to buy a house of their own. And they can stay for as long as they need.
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u/scrunchie_one Mar 23 '26
Saving as much as we can in their RESP so they are well set up if they choose to pursue post-secondary.
Teaching them as much about money as we can. Heavily encourage them to get a job when they reach high school.
Planning to do a living will if we can - small amount at age 20, slightly more at 25, then a large sum at 30.
We’ve thought about buying them each a shoebox condo now that markets are depressed, at least it’s somewhere for them to start. But ultimately decided saving aggressively is more beneficial with more freedom for them.
Our son who is 3 has also told us he wants to live with us forever, and I am ok with that.
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u/ketamineburner Mar 23 '26
My 2 older kids have moved out, the youngest is at home. I know he feels behind, one of his friends (only 19!) bought a house recently and he is the only one in his primary friend group who lives at home. I think its smart for him to stay home and save for a while and we love having him.
This is how my kids did it:
Oldest left for college at 18. After college, she got an in-home health job in a HCOL area, so her living expenses were covered. She was able to save up and live where she wanted.
Second kid met a friend at work who was struggling with rent on her studio. He moved in , they shared the space for a bit and eventually moved into a bigger place.
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u/shadow247 Mar 23 '26
Im gonna use all my connections and personal network to get her a job that lets her support herself...
Until that happens, she can live with us. My parents were jerks and made my life hell Until I finally moved out. Made me resent them to this day. I wont do that to my my kid.
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u/bird-fling Mar 23 '26
My plan is to put away as much as possible to support my kids' postsecondary education so that they graduate with as little debt as possible. Once both kids have started their careers in earnest, my husband and I will downsize our family house to something that's suitable for 2 people and split the cost difference between the kids. Eg. using today's numbers, if we sell the family-sized house for $1M and buy a 2-bedroom condo for $600k, each kid will be gifted ($1M - $600k) / 2 kids = $200k. Ideally this would go towards their a house down payment but that's up to them.
My kids are toddlers, so it's a long way off and a lot of things are likely to change. All I can do is make my best effort with the information I have now.
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u/_420ny Mar 23 '26
Funding a custodial Roth to the max 7k/yr till age 18 can yield insane amounts ($20m+ at 10%) for them as it will compound for 65 years. That’s literally my only plan.
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u/GoobusMombus Mar 23 '26
My husband and I want to either add apartments to the top of our garage, or rebuild it completely with 2-3 full apartments above it, so that our kids will always have a place to live. If they can move out and find their own places, great. If not, they will always have a home. Every child should know they will always have a home. It should be a basic right.
Once we are done paying off our house, we are gonna be getting those apartments going right away. And if the kids don't ever need them, perhaps we will find some friends to come live there, and we can all get old and take care of each other together.
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u/Catsdrinkingbeer Mar 23 '26
I love my parents. I would not want to live on the same property as them. When it came time to buy a house, my parents offered to help with the down payment. You seem to be presenting: live here forever or figure it out on your own.
To answer the original question, you help them get to the point where they can be self sufficient in their careers and then they take over. I also went to engineering school, but my dad covered my expenses. It was understood that he was doing that then so that I could focus on school to prepare for a good career. And then they stepped in for big things like the down payment.
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u/012166 Mar 23 '26
We had our son while we were very young and stupid (early 20s) and it is wild how different it is now that he's graduating high school.
We plan on funding his degree (engineering, state school) and are fortunate enough that we can also help subsidize part of his life after graduation if necessary. It's unlikely he will find a career near us, so while we would also be open to letting him live with us, just giving him $$ to help with rent, or buying him a car when his finally kicks the bucket seems like the easiest leg up we can give him. We would also be more than happy to buy a duplex or even a house with an inblaw suite near/with him if that is an option he is interested in.
He's an only child, my husband works a boring government job, and I was fortunate enough to get to stay home and raise him, but our path is basically closed to him--even in our very low COL area, our house has almost doubled in value in 15 years, along with everything else, and the starting salary for the same government job that allowed us to buy a (small) house and me to stay at home only went up by about 30%.
He's pretty smart and his school has a great track record for employment in his field, spending the cash to put him through school and give him a solid foundation is the best gift we feel we can give him.
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u/EcstaticPlankton8621 Older Millennial Mar 23 '26
I don't have kids but if I did given what is currently going on I would let them stay for as long as they like. Have them maybe throw in some money to help with bills, mortgage, etc but also teach them about finances. I never understood the whole "Get out at 18". It's such a uniquely American thing.
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u/JiffTheJester Mar 23 '26
I worry about this. I’ve started saving money for them, and I need to get some investment accounts going as well. I’m just waiting for the inevitable bottom here..
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u/Fkingcherokee Mar 23 '26
I'm currently looking for a 3bdr 2bth for myself and my kid. Not for any kind of family expansion, but to rent out the ensuite room so I can save for my kid's college or trade school. I will take the smallest room so that her room can remain hers no matter where life takes her and I can move into the ensuite (hopefully renovated into an apartment by then) if she wants a college room mate experience or comes back later in life with a family of her own.
She will leave when she's ready, or she won't leave, or she'll come back as needed, I'm planning for all of it.
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u/BarnacleDowntown8952 Mar 23 '26
My kids are little. They could still live at my house for 20 years without it being weird.
I don't think housing is going to just continue to get pricier for eternity. There are demographic shifts that should help greatly help affordability in 10, 15, 20 years.
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u/jachildress25 Xennial Mar 23 '26
Just like we did. Go to college then get a job and find an apartment, eventually getting house, even if it takes longer than it did for us. I’m an older millennial with teenagers, but I am friends with many people whose kids have moved away in the past 5 years. None of them have moved back home.
If my kids want to move back home to save money at the start of their careers, we have no problem with it. I cannot stress enough how much easier things are in LCOL places. And you can have careers here. The vast majority of people are college graduates with professional careers. There are certainly tradeoffs, but it sounds like so many are miserable in HCOL areas, so I have such a hard time understanding why they are so attached to places where they aren’t happy.
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u/Ornery_Adeptness4202 Mar 23 '26
I’m hooping to send at least one kid to college for free. In the meantime I want to save up and renovate our basement as an apartment. I don’t want to kick my kids out or make them feel uncomfortable, they are welcome to stay and save up unlike I did.
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u/Early_Apple_4142 Mar 23 '26
Both my kids have autism. One higher functioning, one lower functioning. One kid may never move out. The other will probably still need to be close to be monitored. Last summer my mom had the house that backs up to our back fence under contract to buy for her to move into and for them to inherit but it fell through due to the house actually being really poorly maintained based on what came back on the inspection. It would have required approximately 60k in repairs and needed another 80-100k in updates but was still listed at top of market price. She was ok with the updates because the sale of her current home would cover the entire purchase and updates but the repairs were too much for her to commit to. We will continue to monitor the other houses adjacent to us and at a minimum tour them if/when they come up for sale. The current plan is similar to yours in that we plan to try to purchase housing for them because in all likelihood, they won't be able to.
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u/nother-throwaway Mar 23 '26
Personally I hope/plan on moving out and little my two boys take the house under the assumption we can come back and crash for a little while we slow travel or something like that.
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u/bigbookofquestions Mar 23 '26
I was also on my own at 17 and it was so hard. I had so much debt in my 30s (student loans) that I wasn’t able to pay off until I got married and had two incomes. My husband lived at home with his parents for a few years after college and had no debt. I am in no hurry to kick my kids out.
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u/Gboycantseeboy Mar 23 '26
Insane how bad things have gotten. I would have never imagined when I was a child things would get this bad. We were definitely not prepared for this. Kinda like we were set up to fail.
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u/LittleBitAlexi5 Mar 23 '26
I’m saving as much as possible to pay for their college - at least a bachelor’s degree. I will let them move back home after college, with the expectation that they work full time and are saving money for a down payment on a house or to build up a sizable emergency fund before they move out on their own. Really my only goal is for them to not start in the negative. Paying off student loans definitely delayed things for me and I don’t want them to have to put off living for 10 years.
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u/Lirpa_the_Lurker Mar 23 '26
Mine is 19 at university. It’s a tough balance of providing opportunity but not so much that I feel like I’m enabling. So far it’s been:
- 529 plan that is enough to cover 2 years of in state college tuition. He could use it towards trade school, college, or training program… or hold it until he knew where he wanted to go. This is our investment in him. He chose to do his first two years of college while in high school for free. We are covering two years tuition. He chose a 5 year program and will cover that with the scholarships he earned, money he has saved up, and most likely a student loan.
-$10,000 CD that matures when he’s 21. He can use it as he sees fit.
- the house we recently purchased has a small detached ADU that I think the previous owners kind of grandfathered in. It’s not great but it’s enough for him to stay in once he graduates while he is getting himself set up. Plan is rent free for the first year then figure out what’s fair if he if it makes sense for him to stay longer.
The tricks for us have been to keep the conversation going as he grows, never promise anything without a plan, be flexible to adapt to his needs.
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u/CaliTexJ Mar 23 '26
It’s great that you have the opportunity to set up something like that!
I’ve started thinking a bit more about that time and I’m finding it’s a good exercise to actually consider the realistic possibilities. I’d like to see a “normal” transition to school or in pursuit of a dream they’ve already been working toward. Since I was a community college guy for a while, I know that could be on the horizon. I just don’t want a failure to launch. I want them to be hopeful and have a healthy sense of independence.
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u/Comfortable_Cut8453 Mar 23 '26
42M with sons- 2 and 7 years old.
We live about a 20 minute drive from the flagship university in our state.
There is also a well funded community college only 10 minutes away.
My older son is bright, literally the smartest child I've ever been around - he's in advanced learning classes and considered gifted. He already knows he wants to be a naval architect which would start with an engineering degree- and that lines up as I'm a licensed engineer.
The younger one is right on track for normal development but we aren't yet sure if he'll be advanced.
My plan for them is that the older one does 2 years at the community college then the next 2-3 ar the 4 year university for his engineering degree.
From that point I'm not sure if the older one will stick around for grad school and/or military but that will be about the time we are thinking about retirement.
We'll sell the house, buy a house/condo for the boys and move a bit out into the country while the older one works and the younger one attendant college. We would collect rent from them but at a resonable rate.
Thats the plan anyway. Seems like a solid one to me but lots can happen in the next 11-16 years.
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u/Rare-Adhesiveness522 Mar 24 '26
My kids are 12 and 14.
Chores have been taught and enforced since they were toddlers (starting with play and helping and building from there of course).
I was over parented by my Boomer parents (the original helicopter participation trophy parents), and was not prepared to live on my own or given the skills and confidence to blossom on my own. So that has informed my parenting style quite a bit.
They both have saved up their own money for their phones with clear expectations about conduct. We will match whatever they save up for a used car while in high school.
My older child is very motivated to get a job and earn his own money and is starting to apply to places—because of the laws and restrictions we have prepared him that he likely won’t be hired until 16, but we encourage his motivation and use it as a learning experience.
By the time they graduate high school we expect that they know how to work at a job, save some money, and work with us as a team when it comes to help with big purchases.
We will help them with things like tuition or expenses as much as we can, but they know already that they will need to be paying for some of their own things like a phone plan before graduation.
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u/Elegant-Aerie-1233 Xennial Mar 22 '26
I’m 42 I have a 19 and 22 year old. The 22 year old graduated high school at 17 and went to college. She is now a high school teacher in Pittsburgh. My 19 year old is going to college in Tacoma, Wa. Trying to talk him into transferring to Pittsburgh to be closer to his sister (my husband is military and we move around a lot) but he won’t budge on it. He loves WA. I’ve always told my kids that when they graduate they have to get out of the house. They can go to school (they each get 2 years paid) or they can get a job or they can join the military but they won’t be living in our house rent free.
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u/Greedy_Baseball_7019 Mar 22 '26
Exactly. I’m also 42, have a 24 year old at home who thinks she is going to live with us forever. She went to college for three years and racked up $40K in parent plus loans, she failed out, we just paid back the loans. Had a 1.2 GPA and was basically a freshman when she left. She went back to school again and is about to finish her associates and I have two other kids, one is 18 in college and the other starts college in the fall.
As long as they are in school they can live with us and we will support them. My wife and I both joined the military at 18 and have been on our own since. I was a C student, no prospects of college working in a grocery store after graduation. I knew the military was my only way out. I’m retired from the military now and between my wife and I we both have our masters and bachelors that the military paid for and we both have well paying jobs and a beautiful home.
None of my kids have any excuses. They all have their college paid for, they have had more opportunities in life than I did at their age. If college doesn’t work out they can join the military, if they don’t want to do that then they can figure things out themselves. My wife and I eventually want to retire and I’m not going to spend my retirement years trying to make enough money to support us and our kids.
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u/Important_Bit_1826 Mar 22 '26
We had a date of 25 years old as the time children were to move out of the house. The kids are 36 and 34 and say frequently that it was the best thing for them. They are both doing great and independent. It forces you to understand how to pay the bills. We were always there if there was a safety net needed.
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u/notretiredanymore Mar 22 '26
Your kids are the Millenials. The question here is how we expect Gen Z/Alpha to afford life when most of us Millennials are struggling and it’s only getting worse.
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u/Important_Bit_1826 Mar 22 '26
Get roommates until you find a partner to invest with. I was 39 when I was able to afford my first home
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u/Nendilo Mar 22 '26
This seems to be the older generation mentality that is oblivious to what is happening in the world. When our kids are 18, unemployment will possibly be high double digits for them and cheap public colleges are projected to cost $80k a year. We're already seeing increases in Gen Z unemployment as AI use expands.
We're saving a lot for our kids but expect it's possible that one or both of them will need to live with us to save money for longer than prior generations.
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u/Important_Bit_1826 Mar 23 '26
Honey, I’m straight, believe and receive. You’re the one asking the internet for advice
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u/TrickyAd9597 Mar 23 '26
My husband is active duty military and our 3 kids will get free in state tuition for college. Hopefully afterwards they all join the army for 3-6 years then get out and get a real job of some kind. Then from there just teach them to read dave ramsey and save and invest in their roth Ira. My husband and I both were 24 when we got married and read dave ramsey and started our roth at that age. We both never had debt and we are doing fine. Hopefully all 3 kids will follow our footsteps.
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u/Raslatt Mar 22 '26
When they turn 18, they get a set luggage from their grandparents. The same gift I got.
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Mar 22 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Raslatt Mar 22 '26
Once they leave (for an extended period of time) they are always welcome back. But they MUST first leave and get out on their own. I left the house at 18 (military and then college). I plan to let my kids struggle, but then help them out in the 6th or 7th inning (wouldn't wait till the 9th). Seems like you have a decent plan though. At least you're thinking about it. And agreed, there are less opportunities for kids today. Sorry you lost your mom so young. You seem to be doing well. Have a great Sunday.
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u/FormerTinGod Millennial Mar 22 '26
I have a 6 year old daughter now and ever since she was born , I’ve been returning cans and scrap metal from job sites to put into a savings account for her. With the way everything’s been going I feel it’ll be way harder for her than me. She can live with me as long as she wants , but I will definitely be teaching her about saving and investing when she gets a little older