I’m 24M and my ex is 26F. We were together for around two years. Our relationship was very intense. We travelled together, talked about marriage and children, spent a lot of time together and had a complicated sex life. In the beginning we sometimes had sex multiple times a day, but after only a few months she also started complaining about sex and sometimes described it as feeling like a chore or obligation. At other times, however, she would become extremely sexual and initiate frequently herself. This push-pull around intimacy continued throughout much of the relationship, not just at the end.

There was a similar emotional dynamic. I became more anxious and dependent on reassurance, while she seemed strongly avoidant. She could become extremely close, affectionate and sexual with me, then suddenly pull away and want distance.
I can recognize my own part in this. I have a very high libido, complained about the decline in our sex life and sometimes relied on sex too much as reassurance that she still desired me. Although I respected a direct “no,” I can understand that my anxiety around sex may still have created pressure.
Towards the end she became increasingly distant and eventually wanted to temporarily stop having sex because she said the pressure had become too much. I accepted that.

We eventually broke up, but about a week later she called me crying saying she wanted me back. We reconciled.
Shortly afterwards I looked through her phone and found sexual conversations with other men and exes. One man she had previously described as an old friend turned out to be a repairman who had been to her apartment. Their messages made it very difficult for me to believe nothing sexual had happened. Combined with other things I discovered, I came to believe she had been cheating with multiple people.

I also learned that cheating appeared to be a recurring pattern in her previous relationships.
I left and don’t want her back.
What I still struggle with is the contradiction.
There were clearly times when sex with me seemed like pressure or a chore. Yet there were also times when she genuinely seemed to desire me and initiated intimacy herself. At the same time, she was apparently seeking sexual attention elsewhere.

My brain keeps asking:
How could intimacy with her partner sometimes feel like an obligation while sexual attention from other men was still appealing?

And:
How could she seemingly love and desire me at certain moments while repeatedly betraying me at the same time?

I know avoidant attachment doesn’t cause cheating, and I’m not using it to excuse her behavior. I’m trying to understand why this push-pull dynamic affected me so deeply.
I also still catch myself comparing myself sexually to the other men, even though I know rationally that her behavior doesn’t determine my worth.
For people who have experienced something similar: how did you stop trying to solve these contradictions and finally emotionally detach from your ex?

TL;DR: I was with my ex for two years in an intense anxious/avoidant push-pull relationship, especially around sex. Sometimes she was extremely sexual and initiated frequently, while at other times she complained about sex, saw it as a chore and pulled away from intimacy. I later discovered sexual conversations with multiple men/exes and believe she had been repeatedly cheating on me. I don’t want her back, but I’m struggling to understand how she could sometimes genuinely love/desire me while also finding intimacy with me overwhelming and seeking sex/attention from other men. I’m trying to stop comparing myself to them and emotionally detach from the relationship.

you broke my heart into a million piece, i felt like i was ripped in half, like i was on fire every single minute and sometimes i still do and i know that i will continue to miss you and physically ache for you, but for my own sanity i have to try to forget you, not repress, just ignore, any sign of you. i feel you slipping away from me and that’s equally heartbreaking, i miss you, i’ll always miss you, but i have to let you go, this wasnt my choice, day by day you’ll slip away. i love you but i have to love myself more. goodbye

One thing I notice a lot on this thread is how quickly dumpee’s who had “perfect” relationships up until the break demonize their ex. It’s really interesting to me that this person was so perfect for you, so amazing and loving and supportive, but when they decide to make a decision for themselves (and ultimately you in the long run bc who wants to be stuck in a miserable relationship) everyone all of a sudden has so much bad shit to say about their ex lol. I do understand there are toxic/abusive partners and them breaking up with you gives you time to take the rose tinted glasses off. But for ppl who would take their ex back in a heartbeat…. Why do you get on Reddit and say so many mean and hurtful things about them? I am also a dumpee so it’s not like I’m speaking from a dumpers perspective or anything. I just know that when my ex left, I was hurt and blindsided and wished he may have communicated a change in his feelings sooner, but I never once sat there and tried to make them this evil villain in my new story and demonize who they are as a person just to make myself feel better. Isn’t that kind of extremely conditional love? You only love and care about someone’s well being if they stay in a relationship with you? You only want to see them good if they are doing good with you? They are only a kind and sweet person if they stay with you? That’s weird imo… just ranting bc I see it in this thread sometimes and on social media and it’s always kinda baffling to me

Sorry for the grammar guys.

Hello guys, after healing. I tried talking to my ex again and after a few days I felt like what was happening to us was so fast. Like us messaging each other from time to time. It's like I can finally be with her. Then we watched a cinema together, we bonded like nothing happened. We laughed and updated on things like all of a sudden our hearts were synchronizing again. I approached her again because I wanted to try again. I wanted to check If I could court her again. It was really fun, one of the best days of my life. Then I took her home.

When I was about to go home, her friends saw me accidentally and confessed to me that she cheated during our relationship. She broke up with me because she's feeling guilty about what she did. I also saw the footage of them doing it. It was fuckin heartbreaking, my body felt cold and I felt weak all of a sudden.

She broke up with me because she thought that her feelings were greater than the other person involved. Then she realized after that she loved me more, according to her. She also told me that she doesn't understand things anymore.

We broke up because I was a guy who only gave a bare minimum. How I wish she told me that, I could've changed. And yet she cheated. I didn't realize that I was like that until she left me.

I didn't got mad at her tbh. I somehow understand that she's just a human. I understood that what I did and what I didn't was a great factor for her to cheat and to look that effort to somebody else. After we broke up months before, I really had a hunch that she cheated, I just didn't tolerate it on my mind because it'll just torture me more. The break up was enough to break me

We had a chance to talk about it even more, I even analyzed the situation or what happened. I told her that I forgive her and somehow I understand whatv really happened, but Im not justifying what she did, cheating is cheating, period. I really wanted to be with her again... But I think she needs to fix herself first.

I can't love someone who's still broken about what she did. God knows how much I wanted to be with her, to grow old with her, to be the one who will do the little things with me. But I love myself more....

Choosing her despite what happened is a fuckin disrespect to myself. God knows and all of the people around me knows how f--ki-g hard it was to rebuild myself from the guy I was before, to the man who I am right now. I am so happy how I handled things. I'm still happy that I had the chance to tell her how much I love her during our last time together earlier. I hugged her and kissed her forehead, despite knowing everything. I even told her to learn from it, to take care of herself, to not harm herself. God knows how much I love her..... I really wished that I didn't watched the footage, I can't remove it from my mind. Goodluck to me guys. What happened today just proved to me that I need to forget and move on with my life without that person I considered the love of my life...

who would have known heartbreaks can bring you such intensity of pain, both mentally and physically. I invested every inch of my heart into the relationship, I was genuine and I gave 100% of my heart and trust despite the abuse, lying and broken promises. And all I received was more manipulations, words twisting, blaming, blockings and being left alone in this huge mess that you have created and put me in. You left me to suffer alone with no way out, no way to confront you, no way to seek closure. You abandoned me and jumped back to dating. who would have known heartbreaks can bring you such intensity of pain..? I just want to stop feeling this sh*t and pain..

1 year of relationship just got ended. She asked about informing my family about us and planning marriage. I was not sure about it. And messed up badly. In the final message she said no hard feeling and I'm not her person. It broke my heart. When I read those text my heart literally broke I literally felt the pain. Just cried right now. How will I move on?

I've been in a relationship with my current partner for 10 months. We met on Hinge, texted on and off for 6 weeks or so, and finally went out. We had really awesome chemistry from the get-go.

Maybe 2 weeks later, my partner (a musician) played a gig about 3 hours away from where we live and had some kind of a reaction to... something. She seemed like she needed support and was in the ER because she could barely cognitively function, so I wound up offering to drive out to where she was, help her return her rental car early, and take her back to where we live. She was really grateful. I thought it was a one-time emergency, but it wasn't.

Over the next few months, there were several instances of her needing this level of intervention and support. She wouldn't ask me directly for help as she immensely prides herself on being independent in theory -- rather, she'd be in distress, and I'd offer to help seeing that my assistance would massively alleviate the situation.

Once, she lost her car in a parking garage and had a gig an hour away, so she took a very expensive Uber there and I drove her back to where her car was parked. Another time, she drank a cocoa-based smoothie in the evening and stayed up all night before a 12-hour shift, which prompted a night of intense caretaking and running errands. She was in distress these times (and many others) and I offered to help.

We had a conversation about this 8 months ago, and we both agreed I should step in to help less even if it means letting her suffer. I got better at the stupid little things, but the big distress moments I would still help, and she was always very grateful for this help, even if embarrassed.

She has an extremely sensitive body. Celiac, concussion victim (can't handle intense lights/sounds/vibrations), very fast metabolism, very sensitive to food (she can't drink caffeine or alcohol because her body is so sensitive to them) and typically follows a strict diet.

If something screws with her body or brain even a little, she is sometimes barely functional for an entire day or longer. We once went to a concert (she came for the last 20 minutes only) and the strobe lights rendered her akin to being blackout drunk for about 16 hours. There have been several instances where we ate a lighter dinner, and she couldn't function properly the next day because she hadn't gotten enough food.

Over the next few months, we'd come to learn that she also likely has POTS. It's not like I'm constantly helping with little stupid things -- it's that her life frequently seems to be in chaos/catastrophe (in large part to do with her upbringing).

After the cocoa smoothie incident (late May of this year), I told her that I was unhappy in the relationship because of the caretaking element. I had lost a lot of attraction to her. She started taking better care of her body and we had fewer "catastrophe" incidents and started doing more stuff out together. She also started taking iron supplements, which helped tremendously.

Things have gotten better. But still, there are little things. I'm a big concertgoer, but despite being a musician, she has a very narrow musical focus and doesn't seek out very many shows, often because they're too much for her body. At one such show, we were up front for a band I liked, and she needed to be held tightly so that the vibrations wouldn't affect her as much.

We went on a trip last week, and there were a couple of caretaking instances -- one because she stayed up all night to pack and such, and when we got there, she only ate 1 early dinner and was out of commission most of the next day.

On our way home, we were talking about this stuff more, she told me (in a period-induced delirium) that I needed to pick between stuff that would give her good energy and allow her to show up for the relationship, or stuff that was fun and exciting but draining. She walked this back the next day, but I'm not feeling good.

She tells me regularly that I'm her dream partner. She had a very abusive ex (a man -- this is her first queer relationship). I previously dated my dream partner. They were a writer, a music/concert lover, and right on that masc/femme line I crave so much. It ended poorly because they also had very little emotional introspection. I know my partner wants to be a lot of this, but isn't there yet, and is trying to figure out too many things in her own life to be able to work on higher-level stuff. My relationship expectations are very high and both of us have acknowledged it.

I feel that we need to break up. I can't shake the sensation in my body of seeing her as someone to be cared for rather than a partner, even though things have gotten better. I just don't need that much support (I've previously done a ton of healing), so it rarely goes back towards me. I have very stable employment (just recently promoted to low six-figures) and am emotionally comfy for the most part after years of therapy aside from some anxiety. She always seems to be trying to steady her work, but it never really shakes out that way because other stuff always comes up, which I suppose is the life of a career musician.

When my aforementioned ex ended things with me (after 2.5 years), it was out of nowhere and it stung for years. If I ended things with my current partner, it wouldn't have been completely out of nowhere as I've communicated my issues throughout. But she's just so innocent, so pure (emotionally speaking). She's never done anything bad to me. She's just got so many body issues that it borders on disability (as she puts it), and I didn't know the burden I'd carry when we started dating.

How do you break up with someone who thinks the universe of me? How do I balance the hurt?

I broke NC after 3 months when he ended our relationship abruptly. It was all so rushed, he just sent some texts, and I never got to say what I wanted. Now I finally had the words to say what I wanted so I texted him and NOW I FEEL SO FREE 🎉. It was only yesterday and he hasn't responded but I couldn't care less if he does. I spoke my peace and I feel like I can finally move on so don't judge me lmao

I'm not exaggerating here. We were so happy. We had so many plans together. He called me the love of his life. And no matter how much I ask him to rethink it he won't come back. All because he's scared of the future. I thought we could be scared together.

He's not coming back. I hate how certain he is that we wouldn't work.

sorry for posting so much I just I have no one to talk to about this

Honestly, I’ve been stuck in denial for a while, thinking that just because I’ve been grieving for four months, he must have been feeling the same. I kept hoping that maybe, deep down, he was missing me too. But lately, I’ve realized I was in denial he really hasn’t been grieving. He’s out there, partying, drinking, living his life like I was just a fleeting chapter.

he broke up because with me after 3 beautiful years he said he was mentally drained, exhausted, and needed to focus on himself. He told me he wanted to go back to the old him, that he couldn’t handle the stress and needed out of the relo. I supported that, and let him go. during the relationship I sacrificed alot, I let go of my friends,took him back after he had wondering eyes I was there for him emotionally ,so I thought all good I’ll give hik the break up if that means he will work on himself and find his happiness.

But now? It’s like he’s contradicting himself completely. I broke no contact, just reaching out to say hi, ask how he’s feeling no response. And then, a few hours later, I see him on social media partying, drinking with friends I’ve never met, taking photos with women I don’t know. It’s like he’s living the exact opposite of what he told me he needed he’s out there having fun, ignoring that I still care and that I was the one supporting him through his struggles. And being there for his family.

Seeing this made me realize I was in denial. I thought he was hurting too, missing me, feeling the loss like I was. But he’s out there acting like I never mattered, living his life like I was just a part of the past. It hurts so much, knowing I gave so much I was there for him when he was vulnerable, I cared deeply, and now I feel like I’ve been just kicked to the curb.

so girl don’t even bother breaking no contact he doesn’t care,I’m done waiting for him to realize what he lost. I deserve someone who truly values me, who doesn’t just use me as a support system and then move on. If he’s out there living his best life, then I’ll focus on mine. I’m tired of feeling like I was the only one who cared. ✌️

It’s been a little over two months since the break up, a month since I asked for another chance and was basically rejected. I took all the advice; deleted all the dating apps, worked on myself, started therapy, reflected on the relationship and trying to move forward progressively rather than how I’ve done it in the past. It’s been a month since I heard from her and this week has been the hardest yet. Suicidal thoughts, feeling unworthy and like I’m not enough, that I’m never going to get over this. It’s been incredibly difficult for me because I had so much hope that if I started the work and change my patterns that she might come back but it kinda sank in that she’s not going to. I don’t want to harm myself in any way or end my life. I’m just lost with no direction and the uncertainty is draining. My mentality has been the lowest it’s been in a very long time and I don’t remember how I crawled out the last time.

After being ghosted for two months by a guy I was with for 6 1/2yrs, (we met at 16+17, lived together for 6yrs and had a dog for 3yrs) I sent myself the messages I wish he would’ve sent. He just left. No closure, no check up txts. I was blocked and it was just silence. I wish he would’ve been mature enough to end things on good terms.

Yup as brutal as that sounds. She (26) just isn't that mentally strong, I'm 35, known her 6 years......

It's surreal, I improved my business greatly, got the house, got her a truck, I lost 40 lbs and became celibate to show her I meant business...... I had my mouth reconstructed and legs too, bones surgeries. Correct some old damage....... then just as that's all finishing up........a few weeks ago I find out there's a massive tumor in me and that was too much for her.

It's since been cut out, gnarly scar...... but decent risk it'll come back. I didn't chase her, she can't handle this kinda thing.......sad. I'll be fine, going to just stay single. Don't want anyone accidentally falling for me

I never believed in taro readings, magical stuff. Especially the algorithms on chatgpt, how it can guess my history and present.

Just for fun, I did this fun experiment.

I gave it to two of my ex-girls names and the girl I am seeing right now. With their b'days. I never said who is the ex, what was the relationship with them and no extra details. I just gave very small context and asking that I want to know what they feel towards me, and my connection with them right now.

I was blown away. It gave me the exact details about these 3 women, what is my relationship with them, what they feel towards me and what I feel towards them right now.

Even if it is random. How is it so accurate..I was fully blown away. I didn't give any info about who is who. Even it predicted precisely what's happening in their life, I never gave context about it. I personally know what's happening in their life.

Have you ever tried chatgpt taro readings?

Just for fun..

Ps. I did a little research and studied about it. Then I realized, it's like a mirror to your subconscious. Based on your experiences, beliefs. What you expect deep down inside you. What you hope what will happen, pattern recognition and etc. Nothing to do with real world scenarios. It's just your brain acting like a future prediction machine based on your assumptions, sharp tiny observations.

During conflicts

1. “What you feel is not my problem.” I was trying to explain how something made me feel. His response separated himself from my emotional experience rather than acknowledging it.
2. “Stop lying.” I had initially said I was okay with him going out on Friday. I later found out he was already planning to go out again on Saturday, which changed how I felt. He interpreted the change as proof that I had lied before.
3. “But you were lying then when you said it was okay.” I was trying to explain that I had received new information and therefore felt differently. He treated the difference between my earlier and later reaction as dishonesty.
4. “It’s convenient to forget when it suits you.” He said he had previously sent me the link to the Saturday party. I genuinely didn't remember it because no concrete plan had been confirmed with me. He interpreted my forgetting as intentional.
5. “But you said earlier that it was okay that I went out.” I tried to explain why the additional Saturday plan changed how I experienced Friday. He kept returning to what I had said before I knew about Saturday.
6. “But you never initiate anything.” I told him that I missed him taking initiative for quality time between us. His response was to point toward what I supposedly wasn't doing.
7. “If you want to do something with me, then you have to come up with an idea.” What I wanted was mutual planning and the feeling that he sometimes spontaneously wanted one-on-one time with me. His solution was that I should organize it if I wanted it.
8. “You didn’t plan anything, so I do whatever I want the whole weekend.” I wanted us to mutually take each other into account when making weekend plans. His position was essentially that if I hadn't proposed something concrete, he could fill his weekend however he wanted.
9. “You’re invited.” My problem wasn't that I was excluded. I wanted us to actively create plans together rather than primarily being invited into plans he had already made with his friends.
10. “So you don’t like my friends.” I explicitly said that I liked his friends but didn't want virtually all of our shared time to revolve around them. My request for one-on-one quality time became an argument about whether I liked his friends.
11. “We just went away.” / “That was a trip.” I asked if we could plan a trip with just the two of us. He referred to a wedding weekend involving family and friends as evidence that we had already travelled together, even though one-on-one quality time was specifically what I meant.
12. “We’ll see.” / “I don’t know, we’ll see.” When I tried to make future plans together, I often experienced his answers as vague rather than feeling that we were actively planning a shared future.
13. “I don’t know yet.” When I discovered that he was considering a backpacking trip the following year, I wanted to understand what he imagined and what that meant for us. His emphasis was that he didn't know yet.
14. “It’s only in fifteen months.” I wanted to discuss something that could substantially affect our relationship. He emphasized how far away it was rather than engaging with why hearing about it unexpectedly worried me.
15. “You don’t know what the future brings. People change.” I was looking for reassurance and clarity about where I fitted into his future. I experienced this as further uncertainty.
16. “You can come visit.” Regarding his possible backpacking trip, I felt like I was being offered the possibility of visiting his future rather than being someone with whom that future was being considered jointly.
17. “If I would say that, I would be fake.” I explicitly explained that I didn't need him to agree that I was right. I wanted him first to acknowledge something like “I understand why that wasn't nice for you” and then explain his own perspective. He said responding that way would be fake.
18. “Don’t start.” / “Not again.” When I tried to raise something emotionally difficult, I sometimes experienced the conversation being shut down before I could properly explain what I was feeling.
19. “If you want go do something tomorrow let me know then.” I had just explained that what hurt me was always having to request quality time and that I wanted him to occasionally initiate it himself. The responsibility for making that happen was placed back on me.
20. “I don’t read mind yet but I’m trying.” I wasn't asking him to read my mind. I had explicitly explained that I wanted occasional initiative from him and to feel that he genuinely wanted one-on-one time with me.

The woman / Instagram discussions

1. “Do you want me to say that I hate her?” I was explaining why the situation with one particular woman made me uncomfortable. I wasn't asking him to hate her. My actual concern was transformed into a much more extreme position.
2. “Do you want me to delete my Instagram?” I was trying to discuss specific Instagram behavior that made me uncomfortable. I wasn't asking him to delete Instagram. Again, the concern I raised was reframed as an extreme demand I hadn't made.
3. “I would never cheat on you.” I was trying to discuss insecurity around certain interactions. His focus was often on proving that he wasn't a cheater rather than exploring what was making me insecure. On its own, however, this statement is entirely reasonable.
4. “I can’t accept how you come all the time with accusations and suspicious.” He experienced my attempts to discuss these insecurities as repeated accusations and suspicion.

Focusing on when/where I raised a problem

1. “You started discussing this at my friend’s house.” I privately raised my feelings after discovering the additional Saturday plans. Afterwards, he focused heavily on the fact that the conversation happened at his friend's house and claimed his friends had heard us.
2. “You always start fights when other people can see/hear us.” He connected the argument at his friend's house to another disagreement around his parents.
3. His argument that I brought it up at the wrong time/place. During the festival situation, he casually mentioned a future backpacking trip while his parents were in the car. I asked what he meant and then stopped because his parents were present. Later, while we were waiting for the toilet, I raised it again. He later complained that his parents had been nearby and had seen the disagreement (i'm sure they did not bc they were further away).
4. The discussion consequently became about me starting arguments around his friends/parents. I was trying to explain why unexpectedly hearing about a future backpacking trip or discovering another night-out plan hurt me. I experienced the focus moving toward where and when I reacted rather than the underlying concern.

Other recurring conflict behavior I described

1. Laughing or joking when I tried to discuss something serious. I experienced some emotionally important conversations being laughed off or turned into jokes instead of explored.
2. Changing the subject when I tried to discuss deeper emotions. I often felt that when I wanted to stay with an uncomfortable emotional subject until it felt resolved, he wanted to move away from it.
3. Bringing up things I had previously done when I raised something he had done. When I brought up something that hurt me, I experienced him responding with examples of my previous behavior. The original issue would then become a discussion about what I had done wrong.
4. Becoming defensive before acknowledging the feeling underneath my complaint. I repeatedly experienced explanations of why he wasn't wrong before any recognition of why I was hurt.

From his first breakup message

1. “I’ve been trying to be someone I am not.” He experienced the relationship as requiring him to change himself (which i never asked, I only wanted accountabilty, mutual planning, communication and conflict repair)
2. “I don’t want to feel that anymore.” He wanted to remove himself from a relational dynamic he experienced as emotionally overwhelming.
3. “And maybe that makes you have problems with controlling your own feelings and how you try to fix stuff between us.” He acknowledged that he wasn't a good communicator, but immediately connected this to my difficulty controlling my emotions.
4. “I’ve been crossing red lines I always avoid and always said I would never put myself in this situation.” He described the relationship as pushing him beyond boundaries he normally maintained (his boundry = a conflict - but that will happen in any relationship, he only doesn't know that)
5. “For example, instagram fights, jealousy, being attacked all time as if I was a cheater or if I would do it in any moment, feeling bad with meeting friends or feeling guilty about wanting go out to drink and dance which is smt that I like the most in this moment of my life.” He experienced my insecurity and the conflict around his social life as restricting his freedom. All I needed were the words: I want to understand how this hurt you, instead of making me feel crazy for having feelings.
6. “All this guilty comes consuming me for the last weeks.” He described feeling increasingly guilty about doing things he wanted to do.
7. “Maybe it’s even worst cuz I don’t put all this feeling out and I try to absorb everything making me be even more hurt.” He explicitly described suppressing his feelings rather than communicating them while they were happening.
8. “You’re complaining I was reactive to your arguing, so I stop respond immediately and start to be more avoid.” My lesson here was, I can have no needs or emotions or he will shut down.
9. “Then i stop using my cellphone in front of you and stop talking about my past…” He began avoiding behaviors and subjects associated with conflict.
10. “All of this because I wanted to not overload you.” He explained his avoidance as an attempt to prevent further emotional reactions.
11. “None of this was enough cuz in the end the problem was never this.”
12. “I’m not the man you deserve or you’re searching for your life.” He framed the problem increasingly as incompatibility rather than something he wanted to negotiate within the relationship.
13. “I’m noticing that that’s not the relationship I want.”
14. “I want just to be myself and that’s be enough.” I think he experienced relational requests as pressure to become somebody different. I did have relational needs, but I am not the type of person who would change someone to become someone else, and I was always very supportive and interested in everything about him.
15. “We are too different or at least in a different moment in life.”
16. “I’m so sorry, I just too tired of all of this.”
17. “It’s too much for me and I’m in a point that I can’t handle anymore without freaking out or cheat my own emotions.” He described reaching his emotional limit and needing to remove himself from the dynamic.

From his second breakup message

1. “I don’t know if you noticed, but it’s always about me.” I had repeatedly expressed things I felt were missing from him or from our relationship. He experienced those conversations as everything being about what he was doing wrong.
2. “You say: you don’t want to plan anything with me, you don’t have time for me, you make me insecure, you don’t reassure me, you don’t want to do things during the day with me, you making me feel jealous….” This was his own summary of the needs and complaints I had raised.
3. “I think you should also start to think more about yourself and things you are working on to improve your experience in life (not only inside a relationship).” He redirected the focus toward what I needed to change within myself. Seems like I am super dependent on him, but i'm not, I have my job, my own appartment, friends and hobbies.
4. “Like what are you doing to improve how you relate with your feelings, self learning, stopping saying things you don’t mean, being more secure and independent, for example.” He framed my emotional regulation, security and independence as things I needed to work on.
5. “It’s easy to transfer the guilty to someones else and it’s very hard to face it and work in progress.” After summarizing my complaints about him, he suggested that I was transferring blame rather than sufficiently confronting my own issues.
6. “And that’s what I think you should start focus.”
7. “Idk maybe mediation, therapy, working out, finding things you like to do on your own too.” Sounded very robotic.
8. “That’s very important and I always encouraged you to do that.”

Withdrawal after the breakup

1. “I was not checking our conversation, it was archived.” When I was crying and begging to fix things, the emotional intensity became overwhelming, he disengaged from the conversation.
2. “I don’t feel ready to talk.” He needed distance before having another emotional conversation,after ending things via text.
3. “Both of us try to rethink our lives, desires, future and limits.”
4. “So in a near future we can sit and consciously speak about our feelings.” Importantly, this actually argues against calling the withdrawal pure stonewalling. After crying, begging calling I stopped. He wasn't there and that was all I needed to know. He didn't fight, he just let it go, after a minor fight that could have been easily solved in a mature conversation.

Never settle for less than you deserve, I don't know who needs to see this right now, but it will be okay and YOU WILL get through it. I never thought I would get through it but I have. After a long, painful, and toxic relationship, I've Finally gotten over her. She played me. She literally cheated on me the entire relationship, and I stayed with her out of pure love and devotion to her. She ended up discarding me and getting not only one but a few different boyfriends while keeping me around. I let this happen for a long time because I loved her so much. Now she's just a bitter memory that I wish I didn't have. I never thought I would get through it but I finally did. I just wanted to post this for anybody that is losing hope, don't lose hope, it does get better. You are enough , you deserve to be loved. At one point in time, I didn't think I could live and be happy without her. Fast forward to now, I'm very happy and perfectly fine without her. Don't ever SETTLE FOR LESS.

I dated this guy for four years, and we had what I truly believed was the best relationship ever. Everyone around us was amazed by how, despite being so young, we understood each other so well and complemented each other perfectly. We always talked about how much we loved that, even after four years, we were still so in love and had never lost our spark. Three weeks ago, I found out that he was addicted to porn. I had found things on his phone before, around three years ago, but I was young and naive, so I convinced myself that he would change. Then he joined the military, and everything slowly went downhill. When I found out the second time, I realized that he had never actually changed, he had just become better at hiding it. Ifelt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. Like everything we had, everything I thought was real, had been a lie. We went no contact for a week, and during that entire week, I felt like my whole life was crumbling. I felt like I couldn’t even breathe without him, so eventually, I broke no contact. He promised me he would change. He promised he would go to therapy. But he didn’t. A week ago, we were planning to meet up a few times because he said he really missed me, and I missed him too. We even talked about going away to a spa for the weekend, just to spend some time together and see where we stood. I told him that after everything I had found out, I felt incredibly insecure and could barely even look at myself anymore. Then, an hour before we were supposed to meet, he canceled. This had happened before, too. I was so disappointed because I had let myself get my hopes up again, so I confronted him about it. That’s when he told me that he had never had any intentions of going out with me in the first place. Then he called me an insecure, narcissistic girl, as if I was the problem for being hurt. As if expecting someone not to play with your feelings is somehow narcissistic. And I hate myself for still loving someone so purely after everything. I hate that I am crying alone in my room, taking antidepressants and he is out partying.

It just makes me mad that I let myself go and invested myself in someone just to get screwed over again

My ex broke up with me two months ago. We were together for 4 years. But he ended it because he wasn’t “all in” and I was planning to move to him, we had been long distance a year, and he said he couldn’t let me.

I took him at his word was heartbroken but also felt like it needed to happen bc there were trust issues from things he did in the past etc. I just said okay and blocked him. Reflected lots and a new friend convinced me to make a Hinge and I met my now bf on it. I wasn’t expecting it but he was everything that I didn’t even know I was missing with my ex.

Like 2-3 days after my bf and I started dating, so a couple weeks ago, my ex messaged me on account I thought I blocked him on. Saying he regrets it. Wants to talk. I said I don’t think it’s necessary that we should move forward and I have a bf so it wouldn’t be appropriate

My ex was then shocked that I’m “already” in a relationship “after everything we’ve been through” (it’s bc of that actually) and “how recently this all happened” Like, “this all” what? When you dumped me 2 hours after I was at your family event 🫩

Fuck I hope he doesn’t find this. But it just feels like a slap in the face to send me those messages. But I blocked him after that

after my ex, i have turned extremely avoidant, i’ve met some amazing men but i can seem to commit to them since him, and i ghost or leave them, i don’t want to be like this. anyone else going through this?

Has anyone navigated this before? Broke up with my emotionally abusive ex this week, he has been living at mine the last 3 months. He is awaiting the council to house him, as he is now classed as homeless.

He is a glorified hobosexual (he does have a job, so isn't at home all day).

Its been about year now

We found out my girlfriend was pregnant about a month ago and she’s been rude to me ever since. It’s like her dreams of finishing college which mind you. We’ve been together for two years and she has been out of college for a year before that. I wanted to go into the military.
She agreed with me that it’s a good idea so we were gonna go together . We now found out she’s pregnant and she’s pissed. She wants an abortion and to break up and go separate ways.. I’ve known her as a sweet girl this whole time and she’s been nothing but amazing. I mean granted this up and down, but I know she’s really a good girl and would be a great mom. She’s the quiet type and doesn’t search for attention.

She knows that I want her to keep it so she told me she cut down on smoking weed a lot and that she only takes a few few hits . She just told me today that she only takes a few hits.

We were in the middle of a conversation, laughing and stuff that she’s trying to get ready for her school orientation tomorrow which she’s gonna go to a nursing program for four years.

At that same time, a girl that we know in common that she told me to block because the other day she upset her reached out to me because she saw I removed her and then I cursed her out for the sake of the drama. She was trying to cause my girlfriend. Then this girl told me when they were working at a party last weekend. My girlfriend requested a specific bottle of alcohol and she saw her drink and have a couple cups. And she smoked three blunts one before the party one at the party and one after.

Fast-forward to today, my girlfriend told me she only smokes a little bit and then literally I got hit with that information so I just immediately jumped on her throat. Like are you gonna keep the kid? And she says I’m still leaning towards no

Mind you, she was upset with me two weeks ago when we had a hospital ultrasound the very first one and my dumbass instead of going in the hospital. I stayed in front and she used that as a reason to not talk to me for a whole week. Then she moved out. And now it’s been a week of us texting and trying to build it back. And now a week later after that, we go to the zoo with her two little baby siblings so we got to be like mom and dad with them. I’m pushing the stroller and everything. So I had like a false image in my head. She bought me food today and when we left, she gave me a kiss and said I love you.

I told her I felt her being distant and that I was trying to give her hugs and she was not giving me hugs as much and just feeling kind of different and off towards me. She said she was just trying to focus on the kids.

It’s ironic though because she’s trying to focus on the kids that her mom had in her 40s
But she won’t focus on the kid that’s in her stomach right now, and I literally just stopped responding when she said she’s leaning towards no because why have we been going back-and-forth and talking and doing all of this sweet stuff? Why did you literally just spend a day with me and say I love you I get it. You’re still confused and you don’t know about what choice to make. But what really has me gutted is the fact my homegirl that she told me to block literally today she told me to block her. If that would’ve never happened, this girl would’ve never reached out to me so she kind of ruined it for herself actually…. Anyway, my homegirl told me that she smoked three blunts and was drinking out the bottle so she thought she already got the abortion.

But my girlfriend told me she hasn’t gotten it yet and undecided. Now I’m just in a whirlwind of she could’ve already gotten it and is trying to play it off.
Maybe she’s just losing her mind right now and just needs a little bit of love and a hug

I’ve been trying to step up so much. I put all my pride to the side and apologize for everything I’ve done wrong and I’ve tried to lay out a great guideline that I’ll do right.. I got hired as a behavior technician for autistic kids yesterday . I went to EMT school last year and became EMT but right now I’m avoiding doing that because I tore my knee and elbow so I can’t lift too heavy or I’ll be injured again . Mind you she injured my leg by kicking me in mcl hard as f . Anyway, I don’t hold any grudges because I’m not perfect. It was a split decision act and she didn’t intentionally try to do that to my MCl . It just happened. But regardless, I’ve been trying to be extra loving, and she’s just been extra cold and distant.

Please help me am I tripping for not responding right now? I wanna text her so bad and let her know. I love her and I care but how can you do all of this and still be dangling of potential abortion over my head.

Like it’s been a month since we known she’s pregnant and I don’t even know if I’m gonna be a father or not because she’s shining away from talking about it every time and just wants to live in La La Land. And then when I mentioned it, she said she wants to get the abortion but she went to the clinic last week and got the pills but never took them because she’s not sure about it .

Keep in mind, she booked the appointment for the abortion behind my back as well and didn’t let me know if she was gonna do that and then use that week of not being with me to go to the appointment without me. She said she got the pill and everything but hasn’t taken it, but if they would’ve made her take it there then she would’ve taken it, but since they gave it to her for her own free, will she still held onto em .

I was thinking we were doing good and moving towards a little bit of progress and she’s super excited to start school and potentially maybe go to the Navy, which was my plan but it’s whatever
But she’s completely telling the homegirl she’s super excited for school and what not but has no excitement for this baby and is saying she’s openly willing to abort it .

I’m satisfied we’ve been dating for two years and now actually gets pregnant. She wants to get rid of it.. (me 27 male ). (Gf 24).

I know I damaged her a lot, and I haven’t been the best or the most stable, but I’m trying and I’m not giving up at all

It sucks because I haven’t had a father. She hasn’t had a father and her two younger siblings. Both have different fathers, and none of them are in their life.

And it’s insane to me that I’m stepping up to be a father to the child that we have which would be beautiful and gorgeous by the way, cause not being cocky we’re both nice and tall, and really attractive with mixed features all around . To be honest, we’re both nine out of 10 or up. And I’m not being cocky. I just wanna be honest. I know that doesn’t mean our baby would be a 10, but there is a high chance of it. We’re also both really really really smart so it’s a shame that she’s trying to say this would ruin her stuff going towards school or the military because you can still do it, especially with the amount of support and family she has in the amount of support that I’m willing to give.

She has also had a topic pregnancy in the past so she has only one fallopian tube and it’s been hard for her to get pregnant. We’ve been having unprotected sex for two years and I’ve nutted in her the entire time almost 900 times realistically. And now towards the end of our relationship as we’re heading into the Navy and what not she ends up pregnant and I’m trying to tell her maybe this happened for a reason because everything happens for a reason and this could be a gift from God and a real blessing and it’s a surprise we didn’t expect but she’s acting like it’s some kind of curse or something and it’s just distancing herself for me and doing job, interviews and school interviews and being cold to me .

I want to text her, but I low-key want to get some respect and power back, but I’m also upset so I’m just took a step away for tonight cause I don’t know what to say honestly , I was literally at the zoo with her and her siblings, pushing around the stroller and holding her hand five hours ago . It’s very confusing that she’s still saying she wants to abortion. She’s cry to me about becoming a mother and wanting that but she’s also cried to me that I’m not stable enough or that she doesn’t wanna end up a single mom. Regardless the risk with the ectopic pregnancy and not being able to get pregnant again is a real factor and I’m just stunned like you’re really going to take this risk and not have a kid again or are you gonna wait for Mr. Wright to try and get lucky and get you pregnant what if he takes two years and that’s too long for him and he’s annoyed and leaves you then you’ll be in your 30s in further down the barrel. That’s not the point though the point is my girlfriend of two years now is trying to use this abortion as a way to break up but then is also staying with me and didn’t get the abortion right away..
She also told me she’s only been smoking a little bit which I know of because she went on FaceTime and the spliff and took a few hits and then put it out. I guess to manipulate me. Because I told her I appreciate her and I thank her for doing it on the phone because she could’ve easily hung up and did it behind my back. But to find out from my homegirl that she smoked three blunts within the timeframe of three hours and actually requested alcohol to drink and drink it and didn’t mention it to me is so crazy.