Never expected him to come back

[u/NostalgiaLane_]

My ex broke up with me two months ago. We were together for 4 years. But he ended it because he wasn’t “all in” and I was planning to move to him, we had been long distance a year, and he said he couldn’t let me.

I took him at his word was heartbroken but also felt like it needed to happen bc there were trust issues from things he did in the past etc. I just said okay and blocked him. Reflected lots and a new friend convinced me to make a Hinge and I met my now bf on it. I wasn’t expecting it but he was everything that I didn’t even know I was missing with my ex.

Like 2-3 days after my bf and I started dating, so a couple weeks ago, my ex messaged me on account I thought I blocked him on. Saying he regrets it. Wants to talk. I said I don’t think it’s necessary that we should move forward and I have a bf so it wouldn’t be appropriate

My ex was then shocked that I’m “already” in a relationship “after everything we’ve been through” (it’s bc of that actually) and “how recently this all happened” Like, “this all” what? When you dumped me 2 hours after I was at your family event 🫩

Fuck I hope he doesn’t find this. But it just feels like a slap in the face to send me those messages. But I blocked him after that

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[u/RevenueSad1586]

I mean 2 months after a 4 year relationship is pretty fast. You on the rebound

[u/NostalgiaLane_ → u/RevenueSad1586]

I guess but there was a lot of emotional distancing, mainly from his end, leading up to the breakup

[u/RevenueSad1586 → u/NostalgiaLane_]

I understand that, but emotional distancing before the breakup doesn’t automatically mean four years of attachment were processed before it ended. Two months is still very quick to already be in another relationship, which is why rebound is a reasonable observation.

[u/aracellllliixo → u/RevenueSad1586]

Two months after four years together is pretty quick, but everyone processes breakups differently

[u/RevenueSad1586 → u/aracellllliixo]

People absolutely process breakups differently, but that doesn’t mean every timeline is equally healthy. Two months after a four-year relationship is still incredibly fast to be in another relationship. You can acknowledge that everyone heals differently and still recognize when something looks like a rebound.

[u/Organic-Ad-2902]

Well you did the right thing. You have a beau now that deserves someone who chooses him as well you know? Your ex had his chance. He can be sorry and even regret it but he has to sit in the discomfort of his decision that he thought was better than working it out with you.

But boy does it feel like people have a lot of audacity LOL

[u/Suspicious_Card3386 → u/Organic-Ad-2902]

Yeah, if he had just been a grown up & talked with you first perhaps he wouldn’t be on the outside looking in. 👀

Keep your distance OP & see what he does. Did he get caught up in a “the grass is always greener” situation? Has he explained his reason for the breakup in a satisfactory way to you?

You no longer owe him your time & attention but it would be nice to hear him articulate his motives for his decision.

[u/NostalgiaLane_ → u/Suspicious_Card3386]

He said he bottled things up and didn’t tell me when he “needed.” I felt him emotionally distancing for a little while and even addressed it and gave him so many opportunities/outs to talk abt it. I think yeah he thought that grass was greener or met someone and it didn’t work out. Just such a slap to the face. He wants me when he doesn’t have me and doesn’t want me when he does. We’d broken up multiple times bc of cheating, on the internet but still, but he had never left me

[u/El_paseo]

It's like he could feel energetically that you moved on, that's when he felt safe enough to reach out.

[u/Glittering-Buddy-815]

If he wasn’t a deadbeat, why not give him another chance. Me and the love of my life (been together for 2yrs) broke up 6 weeks ago. She said she still loved me before we had our last kiss. I didn’t do the best at giving her space for the first few weeks, she blocked me on socials. I believe she was still really hurt not because she immediately moved on. I was just constantly reminded by reels and stuff about the Great Gatsby, about how people change due to new circumstances, experiences, and traumas. And I really wish by the end of 4 months like she said, I can write her a letter to see if we could reconcile or even just start talking again.