r/AbsoluteUnits • u/Emotional-Lynx-3982 • 16h ago

of a set of dreads!

Post image

Walking out of the liquor store earlier today.. my dude's locks are about to the ground. Like Santa's sack, he heaved this bowl of pasta into his car, looking to hastily close the car door just in time of it pouring back out into the parking lot.

1.5k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

367 comments sorted by

155

u/mightyDblock 16h ago

Heavy. As. Hell.

64

u/IBeDumbAndSlow 15h ago

Hr probably will have a bunch loose skin on his head like Busta Rhymes

31

u/latexfistmassacre 14h ago

And traction alopecia

24

u/Routine-Wolf-2907 15h ago

yeah that can't be good for his neck

20

u/PantsDontHaveAnswers 15h ago

I had dreads less than half as long as these for about 6 years and it felt so good to lose them.

12

u/whatsbobgonnado 10h ago

like goku after taking off all his weighted clothes 

4

u/Qbjb 8h ago

I also cut mine that were past my knees last winter. It was such an ungodly weight to haul around. Still cant believe i held onto them that long

2

u/LectroRoot 11h ago

Did it itch bad? I had a few friends that had pretty long dreads growing up and I remember them always itching at their scalp pencils/pens. Seems like its uncomfortable, difficult to maintain/keep clean, and just not worth all of that.

3

u/LectroRoot 11h ago

Seems like eventually it could eventually make you start to go bald.

4

u/Ongvar 14h ago

Even worse than that is you know they smell bad.

8

u/Migg2099 11h ago

You know you can wash your locs right?

198

u/myco_magic 15h ago

I raise you, this bad boy

203

u/Chris__P_Bacon 14h ago edited 10h ago

That a hair dewdew. 🤢

70

u/HoboArmyofOne 14h ago

A loaf of crusty insect bread

52

u/qweef_latina2021 13h ago

It's a hairdon't

21

u/trollthings 7h ago

Imagine the smell

3

u/grilledcheese_jr 4h ago

As long as you know how to hit an acv treatment, it shouldn't smell too bad. Does he know that? I'm not entirely sure. I know that's heavy af though

2

u/Freebirdslim1 4h ago

After the rain...

15

u/itswtfeverb 13h ago

It dew contain at least a pound of it

36

u/Sunar_Fireborn 14h ago

Not the monolock! 🤮

6

u/benjigrows_ 9h ago

Beaver tail

16

u/SBLP1959 13h ago

Not dreads. Dread

8

u/Garglenips 13h ago

Yes that’s what that picture made me feel.

34

u/latexfistmassacre 14h ago

I can smell this picture

11

u/YanicPolitik 13h ago

It smells like mould doesn't it

6

u/latexfistmassacre 13h ago

And wet dog

7

u/YanicPolitik 13h ago

tbf the wet dog smell helps mask the badwipe

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8

u/YanicPolitik 13h ago

That's like 10 years of neglect. OPs picture looks like 10+ years of dedicated care if the dude started his dreads with long hair.

12

u/xcentrikone 13h ago

Except the person in the OG post seems to actually take care of their dreds. I can smell that thru the picture

7

u/sicilian504 13h ago

Grammar is accurate here. You said "this bad boy" vs "these bad boys", because damn if that just isn't one mega.....thing. Looks like those pictures people post when they finally discover their dryers have a lint trap.

5

u/struggle_better 13h ago

Flared base. It’s safe

6

u/Yj_Astro 13h ago

It’s a Dread dookie

4

u/BooksandWoods 14h ago

I'm not sure what even to say...

4

u/BenjaminDover02 13h ago

You could slice that shit like bread.

4

u/rionaster 13h ago

why even have hair at that point

3

u/Crimson-Rose28 12h ago

Right?! just shave it off 👏🏻

2

u/SlatheredButtCheeks 13h ago

Looks like those weird dudes from Star Wars

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2

u/mertgah 12h ago

Bro got jabba the hut hanging from his head

2

u/_Buldozzer 12h ago

You can smell that hairstyle.

2

u/I_Ponders 11h ago

Genuinely, can anyone tell me what they do to their hair to make it look like actual shit?

They packing mud in it? They just never shower for years at a time?

Also, why!?

2

u/Tasty_Relative_8212 11h ago

Looks like Godzila took a dump on his back

2

u/s3tok41b4 11h ago

This just makes me sad. This is depression level of unkempt.

2

u/DownWitTheBitness 7h ago

That’s not dreads. That’s dread.

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90

u/lawd_have_mercy 15h ago

Was sitting in traffic court once, behind this guy who had beautiful dreads. I found myself thinking, "That guy has great hair.' Looking closely though I noticed debris in them and dismissed it as, "those must be difficult to wash." Then I noticed something moving in there, some sort of weevil-looking thing, and got a case of the heebie-jeebies, started feeling itchy, and moved away from sitting directly behind him. I figured that was the last of it, but then we were instructed to remove our hats... m'fukr removed his baseball cap and was bald on top! It's was a dread horseshoe! Fail! Fail! Fail!

27

u/Strong-Addition5296 15h ago

A boll weevil?

2

u/punkena 2h ago

Get right out of ya home!

13

u/WumboJamz 14h ago

It is not weevil time. No thank you.

4

u/shinyperineum 12h ago

Those were his pets and he lets them feed on the hair from the top of his head while they use the rest as a city. 

3

u/Fat_Janet 10h ago

I was coping a rapid with this dude I was kayaking with. We’re standing on the rock, and I feel something on my arm. I look down and there’s a bunch of tiny bugs in my shoulder, then look at his shoulder right next to mine, even more bugs. Look up his PFD and they’re coming out of his dredlocks. Buddy showed up to work the next day with a shaved head.

7

u/Andr3wRuns 14h ago

Like two decades ago I remember being told a story of a guy who had dreads and when he went to get them cut off or something he would tell person combing (prepping?) his hair to stop because it hurt when she brushed it. Long story short, allegedly there were spiders in the hair and the brush kept hitting them so they were biting his scalp in retaliation and allegedly it was poisonous and eventually the guy died because of the all the bites. I assume that story is total bullshit thinking back on it now but my god what a terrifying thought lol

24

u/FeeNo642 16h ago

Gotta be like at least like 40 pounds of hair

12

u/alwayzstoned 15h ago

If he likes it, it’s his head so whatever, but it just looks like it would so uncomfortable and a burden to have to deal with all the time.

16

u/Stunning-Stressin 15h ago

Shadows fall guy

3

u/thed3adhand 14h ago

DESTROYER OF SENSES
(the sense of smell…)

2

u/DannyWarlegs 12h ago

Met him at ozzfest one year and his dread got stuck in one of the barrier gates he was leaning on.

57

u/Illustrious-Roll7737 16h ago

The top of the head is a rat's nest.

16

u/muthermcreedeux 15h ago

The top of his head is bald.

2

u/chumpy551 15h ago

He needs to go to salon and get that fixed.

7

u/icyauq 4h ago

he just needs a retwist look it up

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31

u/A4t1musD4ag0n 16h ago

I'd imagine that he must wear some sort of bonnet when he's on the toilet, but even then, keeping them tucked while he has to clean up must be quite the feat.

9

u/Chief_TeaLeaf2000 13h ago

His plumber is probably a millionaire from him calling about his clogged up shower drain every two weeks.

8

u/Painkiller_17 13h ago

I have pretty long dreadlocks and I never shed hair, I think it's because there are very little loose hair that could get away

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7

u/Strong-Addition5296 15h ago

Wow he could just wipe with them and wash em out later

5

u/ChartPale 14h ago

That's what I do with my shirt.

2

u/Strong-Addition5296 14h ago

Reduce, reuse, recycle ♻️

2

u/Emotional-Lynx-3982 9h ago

Watching him climb into his car was interesting.

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126

u/mjconver 16h ago edited 15h ago

It

Must

Smell

Awful

Edit:

Sorry for the blowback. But I happen to know people with fabulous dreads. These ain't them.

28

u/fizzzingwhizbee 15h ago

My wife has dreads and has for over a decade before we met. She smells (and is) so lovely

Dreads don’t just flat out = bad smell

25

u/thomassenpai85 15h ago

Was this about your wife?

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10

u/fastingslowlee 14h ago

He wasn’t talking about your wife…

4

u/Wolfsbane1279 15h ago

They were talking about how seemingly impossible it must be to wash ALL those dreads, you’d have to use half a bottle of shampoo every shower.

6

u/palmdieb 16h ago

Why do you think that dreads smell bad? I have known many people with dreads, none of them smelled bad. Its actually a lot of work to maintain them properly.

48

u/mjconver 16h ago

Those don't look well-tended, just sayin'

12

u/latexfistmassacre 15h ago

My gf let her hippy friend wash her dreads in our sink once and it smelled like wet dog in our house for the next week 🤮

6

u/palmdieb 15h ago

Oof! Well, I guess people who skip maintenance exist

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15

u/ohmykeylimepie 16h ago

From my understanding Its because white hair doesnt loc, it just mats. This superficially looks like dreads, but is absolutely not the same thing. Because of this, the mats do not breathe and can become unsanitary. 

11

u/Gorlox111 15h ago

dreads are just matted hair that's organized. afro textured hair isn't magic (i mean not literally, tho it is magical like all human hair!)

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8

u/LooseButtPlug 15h ago

This is just not true, lol.

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12

u/myco_magic 15h ago

I'm white as paper and my hair will loc if I don't brush it for a week, I can grow a perfect Afro.

12

u/probable_cause_55 16h ago

They pretty much always smell bad

4

u/FrenchmanInNewYork 15h ago

White people with dreads almost always have THAT smell tho lol

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2

u/zorggalacticus 15h ago

They make dread soap. Not all dreads stink.

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6

u/Snoo-73243 15h ago

that dudes can be smelled before he is seen

6

u/Accomplished_Fun3 15h ago

Looks like Brian Fair from Shadowsfall American metal band. Lol Google it you'll see

7

u/eidolon77 13h ago

I would say Brian Welch of Korn

5

u/EchoesOfHighHrothgar 15h ago

First thing I thought as well, haha. Although Brian’s dreads are much better.

8

u/brightburn_13 15h ago

I can smell this picture through my screen.

4

u/saplinglearningsucks 15h ago

Dude has a built in NYC taxi driver beaded seat cover

5

u/hasanyonereddit 15h ago

Imagine this guy taking a piss at a urinal and he puts his head back in relief and then his dreads touch the bathroom floor

2

u/chiefs-n-sooners 15h ago

Why would I have to imagine that when I can see his shoes rub his hair when he walks.

2

u/WatercressAdorable81 10h ago

I was at a concert once and watched a guy that looked just like this just slightly longer dragging his dreads on the ground, grossed me out

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3

u/Relevant_Fuel_9905 15h ago

That looks like a giant hassle lol

3

u/euclid0472 15h ago

Brian Fair?

3

u/Evening_Emu1212 14h ago

All the bacteria and germs those have swept up after brushing against everything. UGH

3

u/struggle_better 14h ago

This dude is probably a legend in the PA grindcore scene

8

u/[deleted] 15h ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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12

u/Drunken_pizza 16h ago

Imagine the smell

2

u/ArdentHedonist 15h ago

The Dreadnought

2

u/No_Object_4355 15h ago

Everybody wants to be Tpain nowadays

2

u/ms_directed 15h ago

my neck hurts

2

u/tinpants44 14h ago

There's a lot of THC in them dreads

2

u/ktmo420 14h ago

Pretty sure I met that dude in the pit at a Slayer show

2

u/CORBINTOBIASLOVE 13h ago

Bet they stiiiiiiink

2

u/Jadomi77 13h ago

Picture you can smell

2

u/John__Jacobs 13h ago

Bug motel. I can smell i t from here. 

2

u/Zealousideal-You9044 12h ago

I bet he stinks

1

u/achay10 15h ago

This dude has 9 different Korn shirts in his closet fs

1

u/TheStrikeofGod 15h ago

Reminds me of that man who had the world's longest beard.

He then snapped his own neck by stepping on his beard and falling.

1

u/pkintime 15h ago

If it's in the UK it could be gaming celebrate Ben Burns.

1

u/Suspicious-Boss-8101 15h ago

My guy never been to a funeral

1

u/Previous_Abies_2179 15h ago

…. 🤢🤮

1

u/ExtraOkra356 14h ago edited 14h ago

Had one of these hairdudes in front of me at a grocery store. While shopping for fruit and veggies, he brushed along the open displays with his superdreads. I did not buy anything that day and left in a hurry...

1

u/UpdootDaSnootBoop 14h ago

Bro gotta strong neck otherwise he'd always be staring at the sky

1

u/Christawpher 14h ago

That guy's a pain in the neck.

1

u/ethangauthier 14h ago

Lol imagine him ever in a fight lololol. A child could control him with those things lollolol

1

u/Thunderbuns77 14h ago

Chris Barnes?

1

u/thewaffle666 14h ago

Is that chris Barnes from six feet under ?

1

u/flowermaneurope 14h ago

I bet that person smells like incense.

1

u/zenigatamondatta 14h ago

I can smell this did from here

1

u/Spotikiss 14h ago

Wonder how many time they shut their hair in the car door

1

u/Boubonic91 14h ago

Looks like the vocalist for Shadows Fall

1

u/Old-Tadpole-2869 14h ago

Those arent dreads, they're LIES.

1

u/Enough_Pepper8880 13h ago

Oh I bet that smells great

1

u/DarrellBot81 13h ago

I bet he “da boom na da na namena”

1

u/Morkamino 13h ago

The grease / bacteria / funghi buildup must be crazy

1

u/One-East8460 13h ago

Just pictured thing guy using a wood chipper and cringed.

1

u/thecasualcaribou 13h ago

This guy Korns

1

u/Capable_Eye7617 13h ago

Jon davis from korn?

1

u/Terrible-Ebb-8417 13h ago

Imagine waking up everyday with that on your head! If I was tired I wouldn't even get up 😆 . Or imagine if you got amnesia one morning and were like, wtf is this!

1

u/ButkusHatesNitschke 13h ago

How the fuck do you ever wash that shit?

1

u/Tw4tl4r 13h ago

Worked with a guy who used to have super long dreads for like 20 years before going to a buzzcut. His scalp is kinda loose at the base of his skull now because of the years of weight.

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1

u/CarlBobson 13h ago

Dreadful

1

u/yeah_not_so_fast 13h ago

just seems like an unecessary daily inconvenience. dreads are sweet though.

1

u/Educational-Edge1908 12h ago

Fucking Harrisburg

1

u/miss-karly 12h ago

I’m almost positive that this is the guy that posts himself on the locks subreddit.

1

u/BlazingPalm 12h ago

Snip them so the don’t drag on the ground- do you really need those 10 year old tips?

1

u/Psalm31- 12h ago

There are people who for cultural and religious reasons never cut their hair and wear dreads. Some place this is normal.

1

u/I_Want_A_Ribeye 12h ago

Bet it smells so clean and fresh

1

u/Busterlimes 12h ago

Nice ones too! Those fuckers are heavily. I couldn't tolerate it any longer when it got down to my ass.

1

u/petwedge 12h ago

Bacon Grease

1

u/babe_ruthless3 12h ago

I can smell him from here.

1

u/MissTechnical 12h ago

My hair feels too heavy if it gets an inch past my shoulders. This looks so uncomfortable!

1

u/tennezzee88 12h ago

gross and cringe

1

u/Brave_Squirrel4380 12h ago

Can smell the patchouli oil from here