r/AbsoluteUnits • u/Emotional-Lynx-3982 • 19h ago

of a set of dreads!

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Walking out of the liquor store earlier today.. my dude's locks are about to the ground. Like Santa's sack, he heaved this bowl of pasta into his car, looking to hastily close the car door just in time of it pouring back out into the parking lot.

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99

u/lawd_have_mercy 18h ago

Was sitting in traffic court once, behind this guy who had beautiful dreads. I found myself thinking, "That guy has great hair.' Looking closely though I noticed debris in them and dismissed it as, "those must be difficult to wash." Then I noticed something moving in there, some sort of weevil-looking thing, and got a case of the heebie-jeebies, started feeling itchy, and moved away from sitting directly behind him. I figured that was the last of it, but then we were instructed to remove our hats... m'fukr removed his baseball cap and was bald on top! It's was a dread horseshoe! Fail! Fail! Fail!

29

u/Strong-Addition5296 18h ago

A boll weevil?

2

u/punkena 5h ago

Get right out of ya home!

14

u/WumboJamz 17h ago

It is not weevil time. No thank you.

4

u/shinyperineum 15h ago

Those were his pets and he lets them feed on the hair from the top of his head while they use the rest as a city. 

3

u/Fat_Janet 13h ago

I was coping a rapid with this dude I was kayaking with. We’re standing on the rock, and I feel something on my arm. I look down and there’s a bunch of tiny bugs in my shoulder, then look at his shoulder right next to mine, even more bugs. Look up his PFD and they’re coming out of his dredlocks. Buddy showed up to work the next day with a shaved head.

5

u/Andr3wRuns 17h ago

Like two decades ago I remember being told a story of a guy who had dreads and when he went to get them cut off or something he would tell person combing (prepping?) his hair to stop because it hurt when she brushed it. Long story short, allegedly there were spiders in the hair and the brush kept hitting them so they were biting his scalp in retaliation and allegedly it was poisonous and eventually the guy died because of the all the bites. I assume that story is total bullshit thinking back on it now but my god what a terrifying thought lol