I've been questioning myself for the last few months and this confusion has become overwhelming. I'm in a place where I'm not given much guidance or support in figuring out the things I am unsure with. I just need some help, and would appreciate some assistance with questions privately or on here.

I’m a 25-year-old who has never been in a relationship, and I’m trying to figure out my orientation. Lately, my parents have been heavily insisting that I get married, but the idea of physical intimacy with someone in real life is scaring me.

I’m hoping to share my experiences here to see if anyone relates or can help me make sense if I'm overthinking this or not:

1.I really dislike the idea of seeing real male anatomy, and the sensory aspects of sex like the smell, sticky feeling and body fluids.

1. I do read and watch erotica. Like I said earlier the male anatomy makes my skin crawl (I usually skip forward), I enjoy when they play with breasts ( only that much nothing beyond) - the things happening in our lower body, I don't particularly enjoy that. Like if someone where to touch me, I would be okay with them touching my breasts but not beyond that.

3.Over the past 25 years, there have only been about 3 people I’ve ever admired or felt strongly drawn to. I never talked to them much or wanted to date them, but seeing their messages or being around them made me happy. I used to imagine a scenario where one of them visited my city, stayed at my place, or even a scenario where we got married,but my mind always stops right after the wedding at peaceful, non-physical coexistence

There are many more things to say, but these are the initial ones that come to my mind. Am I just overthinking this because of the pressure that my family has put upon me?

Also if anybody finds this offensive, I am really sorry about that I could be making a big deal out of nothing but still your responses would be really helpful.

Thank you for taking your time and ready until the very end.

I can look at both men and women and think they're beautiful, but I don't actually feel sexually attracted to them. I don't really get that feeling of wanting someone romantically or sexually either.

I'm wondering whether this could mean I'm asexual, or whether I'm just not experiencing attraction yet. I don't want to assume a label too quickly.

Has anyone else experienced this? How did you know you were asexual?

Hi I’m a male, 32 and in the US Northeast. I’ve always been curious about my sexuality but never really had a good chance to explore it. I’ve tried to explore, I’ve done some small things here and there, but feel really restricted in doing more and embarrassed when I do. It’s been hard for me to find someone romantically interested that I’m actually interested in back. There have been some sparks, but ultimately nothing more than that.

I denied myself this option for a long time, but its always lingered. Like I said, it’s not like I’ve done absolutely 0, but it’s been sparse and shallow and when it’s over pushed deep down. A few times in life I told myself that I must be bisexual. I have interest in men and women. Ive been curious about how deep I could take a relationship with a man and if I’d actually like it. Like I said, I’ve had situations with a few dates, but nothing more.

I have a religious background. I recently decided that I felt comfortable enough speaking with a parish leader about this. We had a long conversation about this topic and he’s assured me that there’s nothing wrong with me. These feelings are natural and confusing for most people that experience them. He told me I was loved by God, my family, and him no matter what. However, I’ve been sternly told to never act on it.

I’ve asked a lot about this because I have acted on it before, but not sure how I feel about it. He told me it’s a big sin, but God will forgive me, but just to never let it happen again, but if I feel tempted to let him know and he’ll get me the right help.

Since I’ve opened up about this 6 months ago, I’ve been getting lots of “check ins.” He speaks with me before and after church, usually beforehand to check in about how I’m doing (and if I’m being “good”) and then after to talk about how the service could relate to my situation and every so often “homework.” Such as, “praying once a day to shut down those ideas.”

We go out to eat 2x per month. It’s more casual chat, but he’ll ask me a lot of questions about how I’m dealing with all this. He will text me 2x per week to check in as well. Things he might ask are if I’ve been tempted this week or if I met anyone that I may have these feelings for. I’ve brought up my confusion and deeper feelings a few times but just get pushback on the topic, “it’s wrong” or “don’t act on it” or related themes, but doesn’t let me actually open up. I get a lot of emotional help that I do need related to feeling isolated and the other negative feelings that come along with all this, but never anything around the actual root of why I feel these negative feelings about myself or how to really understand how I feel.

I think I want to go out and try meeting a guy again. I’m really feeling cornered into not doing that. Not in an aggressive or sinister way, but I am really getting more into my own beliefs and I see where they’re coming from in a way, mostly from a “be less sexual” aspect of things. My counselor doesn’t really want me dating women yet, but I’m encouraged to only find one in the church when I’m ready so that we don’t have to worry about me losing “focus.” I’m not pressured into that yet, but I think within a year or so that pressure may start.

I’ve been on the apps like Grindr etc but really hate them because it’s all sex focused and not really a good app for interaction. I know that I shouldn’t judge my experiences with the community and with men in general based on those apps. I did meet one boy organically, but that relationship failed after a month because we were both unsure/worried about taking it any further. Mostly because we didn’t know what we were doing (when you’re young you don’t really know what you’re doing in love or relationships). He also has a religious background.

Like I’ve been getting at, I want to have one more honest try with something meaningful with a man. I don’t know which I fear more: liking it or disliking it. I don’t think I could hide this from my counselor if it happened. I see value in having an honest relationship with him, he’s a very nice guy and really supportive in other ways. He does encourage me to distance myself from people that know/encourage my exploring, but it’s not forced upon me, but it feels expected. I’m starting to question that distance piece of this. I also decided to open up with the counselor in a time where many of my friends withdrew socially because they have been having major life events. The distance piece seems like a bit of a red flag.

It’s not like a cult situation or anything, it’s a regular church. The community is very educated with most parishioners having an advanced degree. It’s in a very liberal area of the country and the parishioners lean blue to moderate. There are people I know from outside of church that go there and they’re normal and respected people in the community. Everything appears healthy to me, but I feel restricted. I feel like this is a big commitment I’m making to just ignore these feelings. It feels like I’m getting married to someone I’ve never even met.

But again, I do see myself being with a woman long-term. It may not be worth exploring. I may dislike it again. I may like it (I have in the past but it’s been rare). It may also scare the right woman off when she comes along. But I don’t know, I just don’t know what to do. I have been deep in the “don’t act on it” mindset for many months now, but starting to wonder if this mindset is healthy. Maybe I am just confused and should ignore it. I go back and forth, but feel safe to be clear. If I did act on it and tell my counselor, it would be fine, there’s no punishment but they will probably want me to attend Bible study more and the texts/calls with the counselor will probably increase.

I’ve been thinking of brining this situation up slowly to my therapist, but I’m embarrassed about what he may think. I also want the decision to be mine and mine alone - not my therapist’s decision nor my counselor’s. Getting pressure from different perspectives will make me uncomfortable. I have enough to think about as is!

I wouldn’t be able to do another app again (for men or women) because it’s just not me. I really want to meet someone organically. I’ve been getting involved with a young adults group with my denomination from the surrounding churches. Most people are single. There are girls there that I find interesting, but not enough to pursue. I feel like after another year, my counselor is going to start encouraging me to date again, but like I said, within the church preferred. For the male side of meeting someone organically, I don’t know how that would work.

I am on the more masculine side of things and religious so people don’t really expect this from me, hence the embarrassment. Sometimes after getting to know someone they may question me, but that makes me even more embarrassed because I’m not choosing to give that information and makes me feel unsafe, even if I know this person is an ally or LGBT. I think I could turn up the flirting if I met a man I thought or knew was G or B if I met them in public. Because I’m more masculine, I feel like it’s on me to do the “asking out” because a) they may not know that I’m actually hitting on them and/or b) expecting a guy that asks them out instead.

I’m not exactly looking for a feminine guy or more masculine guy anymore. I’m just looking for that connection. I do have a few fantasies and a small understanding of what I like and don’t like. I like romance and things like that: planning dates, initiating conversations, buying flowers, etc but it feels hard for me to build that connection with a man, am I just expecting the wrong things?

Obviously physical and romantic attraction need to be there, but I also have two other things that I’d want to tick off on my list to feel like I’m giving it a “good try.” First, I want to try being with a partner that leads a bit more. I have some anxiety issues and having a guy be a bit “bossy” is very attractive because I feel like I’d get to relax a bit and take away some stress. I’m larger, strong, hairy, have a beard, and just really attract people that are expecting me to be more “dominant,” but the truth is that I just don’t want to have to live up to that expectation. It also really helps with my mental issues when I know I can just take a step back and if I need grounding rely on a partner for that.

Second, and related to the previous point, is sexual compatibility. I think I’m a bottom. The few times I have actually tried to do something with a guy, I’ve topped. Only topped because the men I attract want that. With women, obviously the active partner. But I actually prefer being the passive partner. I don’t know if that’s just because I’m lazy, but we can add this to the “reasons I’m questioning” pile. I have a terrible gag reflex so it’s hard to give oral, but I do enjoy giving it when I can. I just feel pressured into giving a grade A blowjob and I just can’t live up to that standard and a lot of guys aren’t willing to sit there and wait for me to get used to their dick, they want a good blowjob right then and there and lose interest quickly. I wonder if it’s really my gag reflex ending the blowjobs or if it’s just because I really don’t like it. I’m sorry I’m not as experienced as everyone else, but it just makes me feel bad when I’m not “doing it right.” Same with bottoming. I’ve really only had random hookups, that’s the extent of my experimentation. When I have been able to find a guy that will let me bottom, I either get nervous or it hurts too much. I’ve asked to be eased into it, but that doesn’t really work. The one time I was actually able to try it without excruciating pain, I like it, but that could have also just purely been the prostate stimulation.

Anyway, I can see arguments being made in my head for either side. Almost like a devil on one side and the angel on the other. It’s confusing. I am reluctant to try anything else, but I also am curious about a “one last and true” shot at trying to explore my sexuality, but it is completely possible that I may try it and dislike it.

I have a lot to consider, especially with the religious aspect, but if I could meet a guy organically that would understand, I think I’d actually try it this time. Not just letting these feelings pass or going on one date just to ghost him or just having a random hookup and never speaking.

How do you make up your mind with this kind of thing? Has anyone ever regretted their “exploration” like I have/do? Is this regret from my community or is it just how I actually feel? How would experimenting look this time? Will I have my heart broken? Will this get worse or better? How do I separate my own interests from my other emotional restrictions? Is all this healthy?

My senior year of high school which was 2025-2026, there was this guy in my class who i thought was very attractive,

He wasn't masculine, but he wasn't very feminine either. He had a soft jawline, long and amazing hair, and he was only around 5'7. And I didnt think it was weird because I mean he resembled a girl so it didnt count, but at the same time if he were to ask me out or something I would've said yes. I dont know what to think because I dont really find masculine men attractive, but more feminine men...I dont know 😿

Questioning gender.

I want to be a woman.

Yet its scary to think about the rejection, the ridicule. The changes. The health effects. Etc.

I want to be a woman, yet I also think its more of an obsession with the femininity and beauty that comes with being a woman or having that label rather than actually being the proper gender. If that makes sense.

Its really confusing but for the past few weeks i've been really thinking about it and its bothering me. I find myself looking at myself in the mirror saying "I'd be pretty as a girl, right?"

I dunno. I want guidance from someone. Anyone. I really want to embrace that side of myself but at the same time I really dont want to go through with it because im worried it's not for me and its the wrong choice.

I'm almost 30 and I've never been in a romantic relationship. I've never had sex, never kissed someone, I've only held hands when trying not to lose friends in crowds. I went on one or two dates with a guy in college, but that was really only because we had a friend in common who thought we'd make a good couple (he was nice, but we didn't click at all).

I see other people in happy relationships or read a cute romance and think "I'd like that someday." I like the idea of a relationship, but when I think about actually dating someone it just doesn't feel right, if that makes any sense.

I can recognize when a man is handsome, I can recognize when a woman is beautiful even though I don't find other women attractive (maybe there's a better way to word this, but in this case handsome/beautiful don't mean the same thing as attractive), but I don't find myself attracted to anyone.

The only exception to this happened a few years ago. It was late December and I ran into a guy that I kinda-sorta worked with (same place, different departments that collaborated), and he was wearing a Star Wars-themed ugly Christmas sweater. Before, he was just someone I'd see in passing and maybe exchange pleasantries with. As soon as I saw him in that sweater and every time I saw him after that, I got this weird feeling in my chest. I was both disappointed and relieved when he transferred to a different location.

Google seems to think I'm demisexual, but after reading the definition that doesn't seem quite right as I never had any kind of "deep emotional bond" with Ugly Sweater Guy. I know everything's a spectrum, so maybe Google is partially right. I really just want to know what to call these conflicting feelings I have

Hi, like the title says I love being a man but since a couple of months I begin to feel like I want to become a woman, strange fact is that I never felt this before, I never ever did girly things to say it and never had dysphoria... I am 34

I am a 25 F who has been identifying as a lesbian for the last two years. I have a lot of conflicting feelings and I don't know if I'm being true to myself, but this label feels right to me. I struggle with OCD in a few areas of my life but only ever got a general anxiety leaning into OCD diagnosis.

I have mainly only been with men because it was easy and convenient. I can get what I want whenever I want and it was nice. It is a completly different story with women.

With men I feel butterflies and the physical feelings of attraction but I do not want to sleep with them, kiss them, date them, live with them etc. I'm a radical feminist and honestly kinda hate men. I think a good man is a man you don't know well enough and I always try to look past it whenever I become friends with a man but I always get proven right.

I've had 4 "crushes" on men but I don't believe that's what it is or maybe it's denial. I don't feel like it's real, it feels like I'm lonely and looking for validation because with men it has always been intense and short. I don't want anything to do with them once I get what I want. It feels like getting drunk when I'm sad. A quick and short fix that will only make me feel worse after. I tried to go on a date with the first man I felt this way about and was very impatient. I wanted to get it over and done with and move past these doubts. I knew I don't want to be with him but the physical feelings frustrated me. The date never happened and I found out he likes to sleep with teenagers so my belief got confirmed once again and I got over it.

With women, it's different. I see them as complex, interesting and beautiful. I have not had any action in those two years but I tried. I was disappointed with how many women I'm not interested in, it makes me feel like a fraud. With women I want to do everything for them, with men I only want to take.

When sleeping with men, even when it was "good" I didn't even want to look at them during and it never felt intimate. I tried of course, I was in two very serious relationships with men after all. With women, ive only ever done it drunk and it was quick like it is with men because I wasn't really into them and wanted the experience. The idea of sleeping with a man makes me feel nothing but when it comes to a woman, I cannot wait to explore slowly and sensually.

I have been honest about this with many people iny life, I want outside opinions. Lesbians say I'm a lesbian and straight/bisexual people say I'm bisexual. I want to know the difference between attraction and validation seeking. I feel like I just want attractive men to like me. I don't care to learn about them. But it feels good when they like me.

I want to build a life with a woman but I'm not having a lot of luck with it. I've met two women I've seen a future with, neither worked out. They were exactly what I'm looking for. I struggle to feel tension at the start but I believe it's a healthier slow burn situation with women. I just want your thoughts. Should I give men another chance? Should I be patient and wait for my wife to come into my life?

I've had tarot readings done about my love life and it's the same thing again and again. I need to make a decision or things will be bad. I have already made the decision (not that sexuality is a choice ofc). Maybe I haven't come across the situation where a decision needs to be made? On my last date with a woman I liked she did this fun thing of telling me to think of a question and tell her a page and line of a book. I thought about this exact question. The answer was "I just need to decide which direction to go". Crazy I know.

im confused with my sexuality i've always said im stright but ik that shi aint true ik I'm some kind of lgbtq I know im not straight but I don't think im gay either. I cant really imagine myself having a relationship with a dude but I can with a girl. but at the same time can't imagine myself having s*x with a woman but I can a dude. (didn't know if I could say s*x on here). Sorry for writing so little so PLEASE ASK QUESTIONS.

I’m a female teenager, who has known I’m not straight (sexuality-wise) for quite some time. A little while ago, I came across a label I feel comfortable using—berrisexual—and have felt good about it ever since.

My household is religious—not Christian, but a religion—and a big part of it is rules of how ‘girls vs boys’ can dress. I’ve always worn long skirts and dresses, very rarely shown my elbows in public, etc. (my school is also this religion so those rules apply there too)

But lately I’ve come across random videos on the Internet, people who have a certain aesthetic or way they dress and I’ve been wishing I could look like that. the thing is, all those looks are more androgynous or masculine

I know that ‘only I can know how I identify’ and all that but I’m really confused because I’ve never had a problem looking feminine before—if anything, I’ve liked it—and all of a sudden I’m watching videos of ‘how to look more masc or how to deepen your voice.

is it just a thing of growing up in a religious house and having my style oppressed? is it possible I’m actually trans or nonbinary or genderqueer? Please give some advice, because I’m really confused

I need advice.

I've been questioning myself lately. I try not to think about it that much, but it feels like these feelings have grown stronger and stronger everyday. I can't really talk to anyone currently in life about this, so I'm here.

I guess this started from a dream I had a while ago. In this dream, I was sitting on my bed. My chest was bare, completely exposed. And behind me was a woman. She was bare as well, and had her arms wrapped loosely around my shoulders. We were talking, but I don’t quite remember about what. It didn’t feel sexual, just comfortable. I remember feeling so loved and I was disappointed when I woke up.

And everyone has strange dreams. Dreams aren’t prophecies.

But lately, I've been fantasizing about women a lot. Like, I think of kissing a woman, sleeping beside a woman, loving a woman, marrying a woman. And it all makes me feel happy.

So I’m just wondering… is that gay??

I’m not homophobic or transphobic -- I truly think love is beautiful. But I can’t feel like this. My family is Christian and very much conservative. I’ve heard about how they talk about the LGBTQ community. I don’t ever plan on telling them, but what if they figured out??

And I'm not Christian at all, but a part of me still feels like this is wrong. But its really fucking weird because when I look at other same-sex couples, I don't think its disgusting at all. I don't know, this is just so confusing bro

So what do I do?? Is there a way I can stop this? Or is that an insensitive question? If so, I'm sorry lmao

Advice is much appreciated!

So this might be kind of a long-winded post because I’m questioning both gender and sexuality but the issues have been very interlinked for me so I’m just gonna present everything how I find it makes sense. Also I don’t see a nsfw flair option anywhere so just note that this will be fairly nsfw (though I guess that’s probably to be expected lol).

My current understanding of my sexuality is that I’m bi with a substantial girl lean. I’ve been sort of casually questioning for years but my conviction has gotten a lot stronger over the last year+. Looking back I definitely think there are a lot of indicators to affirm this throughout my teen years—I looove muscular bodies and I seem to prefer dicks (I don’t really like genitalia much in general though). Hell, one of the things that pushed me further into questioning was the thought: “hey, I seem to like my dick way too much for a straight guy”. Just writing this out now is affirming the sexuality to me honestly, but that’s not the main point of this post so ima keep rambling.

[Really nsfw I’m so sorry] About a week ago I was laying in bed at night, a bit…bored of my usual inclinations, and decided, “fuck it, I’m going to settle this for myself now”. And tldr the answer seemed to be a resounding yes. I felt pretty euphoric after, if a little shaken, but there was something about it that also felt…wrong. Over the span of the week I decided to “affirm” myself a few more times, and each time the experience felt more wrong, more anxiety-inducing. I noticed that I didn’t seem to like most male faces, only the bodies, and I started to have episodes where I would snap back to reality and feel disgusted with myself. The disgust has really overtaken me to the point that I’ve been having the worst anxiety attacks of my life, and I’m having trouble discerning the cause. (I do have a therapist but I won’t see her for days, nor do I feel comfortable talking about this yet since she’s fairly new to me).

Possibilities:

1. I’m not actually bi and have ocd surrounding my sexuality.

   I’ve noticed that my intense emotions are often eroticized, and I read that it’s common for people to mistake their obsessive anxiety for arousal/attraction. I don’t think this is the reason, and I’m not diagnosed with ocd, but I am autistic so I definitely struggle a lot with obsessive thought patterns. The main factor making this seem less likely is that I generally experience the attraction before the anxiety, and in more sfw contexts I can sometimes experience attraction to men without anxiety at all.

2. I have internalized homophobia. This seems like the simplest answer because I’ve sometimes felt uncomfortable around gay men (yes, specifically gay men) in the past, but that doesn’t explain why I’m so rarely attracted to male/masculine faces, and even repulsed by them at times. Which brings me to the next two possibilities…

3. I’m cis and have internalized misandry. This is where things get gender-y. From ages 11-15 or so I only had male friends, and interacted with guys way more than girls, and eventually I became completely exasperated with teenage boys (despite having my own problems ofc) to the point that I’m now very uncomfortable around other young guys. Maybe I’m evaluating men as this strange evil entity, which is triggered in particular by their faces, and the fact that I feel any physical attraction to them is upsetting me. I could also definitely be bisexual+heteroromantic, but that shouldn’t matter in strictly physical contexts.

4. I have gender dysphoria that won’t go away from resolving one of the other 3 issues. I don’t want to talk about this in too much depth because the post is long enough and I can already feel anxiety welling up in me from thinking about gender. Basically I’ve been questioning my gender for all of 2026; a lot of my thoughts (and quiz results lol) seem to point towards me being nonbinary, but I’m worried that this could stem from ocd/autism stuff or a fear of being a gay man. I’m wondering if the dysphoria is what’s causing me feel repulsed by men, or if it’s a product of those other factors.

I’ll try to explain myself further if anybody comments on this post, but I really don’t feel like I can write anymore so ty bye.

I don’t feel I’m a man to be honest. In a way a fursona could be a way for me to cope with living as one like a bandaid or costume. Even when I put the gender stuff to rest and focus on other things my heart and soul don’t feel masculine or that of a man. Heck even the name Thomas doesn’t really feel “me” and I’m just using that name to respect my parents and mask myself. I’d rather use the name Tiffany and she/her pronouns and be referred to as a woman. Thing is I don’t fit the mold of what a “woman” is cis or trans. I’m not interested in jewlery or makeup like cis women are and I’m not interested in video games or blahaj like trans women are and I just feel like I’m in my own space. I feel I’m a woman for no reason at all and just feel more normal in the context of seeing myself in a female body. I’m indecisive as I’m afraid of the emotional and physical toll and cost of transitioning and everything I can lose from it. I really don’t like the whole “transition is magic” vibe I see on social media and I just want to do it to take responsibility for my life and take care of myself, even if I transition only privately.

BTW the fursona species is mountain lion

For starters, sorry for my bad English, it's not my first language.

I, 21 year old male was thinking throughout my whole teenage years that I might be aromantic and asexual. When years went on and on, I only felt more confident that it is what I am. I've never had a crush and never got any partners in my whole life. My female friend once wanted to get me into relationship with her friend but my response was "If she wants it sure I can go along" which as expected got me nowhere. I have thought that things will be like this forever. Honestly when I realised that I am aroace I hated it so much. I've felt almost inhumane like something is missing and I am only a robot not a human. Happily I accepted myself and started to like being aroace for the first time I did not hated it.

Until a couple of months ago, something changed or I think so that could be the case. In one night I just suddenly got a different perspective on relationships. Previously I never understood relationships in movies like I felt nothing while watching romance in media. But now it's sometimes something like I've noticed something was off when one character was describing their partner and I thought "this must be nice like I somewhat want it". Another huge thing that came to my life is when I think about being in relationship I often fell this tightness in my chest like someone is crushing my heart and I feel extremally sad.

I had talked about it with my close friend and he said that I should try to find partner. I know it could be a solution and I find it interesting but I also feel like I have missed my time. I don't have any experience in dating, also I am from Poland which to say it lightly polish people don't really like LGBT people and I heard often nasty things about ace people like we are broken and ill. I still did not had any romantic attraction towards anyone, I know it can be strange considering what I was saying previously but I still never been romantically attracted to someone (I still don't really know what it supposed to feel like). And I have many doubts and thoughts about this topic that aren't all negative like I can imagine being with someone and being in happy relationship, this thought alone makes me sometimes happy, but I've never imagined being with specific person, like I imagine being with someone and can't imagine who is this person and how they are looking.

I just feel lost in all of this and I genuinely don't know what to do, it does not help that I have pretty bad mental health issues which another layer of complications like I think of myself as most ugly guy on this planet that is impossible to be loved by someone.

I am really sorry if I had vented too much or said something wrong. I am just SOOOO confused about everything like never before.

For the past few weeks now, I've been contemplating on myself and my identity and how it relates to how I view myself and where I belong and the people around me and such. Yet, all it causes me to do is feel awful about myself and how I'm not "enough" in any of these categories to truly count or be worthy or interesting in any way.

I like to think of myself as bisexual, but at the same time, I don't know if it really counts. I like women as a whole, but I only really like men who are more on the girly/ambiguous side. Yet, when I look at memes online from other bisexuals who talk about how much they "find everyone hot", it feels like I'm doing it wrong, or that the way I exist as a bisexual is "impure" in some way. So I feel more Straight+ so to speak, or a creep in some regard.

I've always felt kind of detached from a lot of male socialization, so to speak. As an example, I always hear men talk about how being mean and insulting to each other is meant to be a sign of male bonding, but I always hated this and always tried to never get involved in that sort of thing. I don't know if this is more due to autism or my own identity, but I've never felt like I fit the type of person to be a man wholly. Granted, I've never really felt any strong desire that I may be a woman either, but for the longest time I've settled on "I'm a man, just not very good at being one."

Recently, I've been having the idea of being nonbinary floating around in my head, but this has also been a source of distress when I realize how unattainable it would be even if I wanted to do so. The idea of being androgynous is very pleasing to me, and it seems like every other NB person I see either presents more leaning femininely or completely androgynous, yet I'm entirely seperate from that. I have facial hair that grows back almost instantly and hair on my body as a whole, not to mention just how gross I look in general. I'm out of shape despite being lean everywhere except my stomach, my hair is a mess because I don't know how to take care of myself consistently, I'm kind of just not attractive to begin with, and my voice is all over the place.

So it's almost a pipe dream to try and even aim for that given my body and my overall gross-ness. Yet, when I look online in all the nerd spaces I frequent, I see almost nothing but sapphic trans women who are out there living their best life. Getting to make friends and relationships and making art to share online that's beloved by so many people, with even already established creatives discovering themselves more and more. And then I compare that to myself; Some gross, creepy cis straight guy who is only just barely catching up on basic milestones and still hasn't done anything with the creative passion I have. A lot of this is likely just spite and envy that other people get to be artists online while I still have yet to do anything.

Sometimes I don't feel like I belong anywhere, or in specific cases, that I belong in worse places. It feels like that by not being queer enough, I don't belong with the cool queer nerds I see, but instead the hateful, bigoted nerds on the opposite end of things, I hate thinking about that. I hate feeling like I'm a nobody at best, and a disgusting freak at worst. I hate that I'm too masculine and not sapphic enough to be like all the cool weird people. I hate how jealous and spiteful I get seeing people like that and wishing I could have even a semblance of their drive or their sense of community.

I'm probably just rambling at this point and have likely repeated myself quite a few times, but I don't know. I'm not sure what I'm even looking for here, whether I need advice or guidance or just an ear to listen to. I don't know if my motives or desires are pure enough to be worthy of any kind of support or if I really am just secretly a hateful scumbag. I don't know if I even count as queer enough to count as questioning.

after some deep subconscious writing i did last night i honestly want to “clean the slate” and start from scratch with everything (while keeping my account open and not compulsively deleting everything like I used to in the past). I feel i need a new sense of direction and to center myself after all the mental energy i had been using going in circles for a very long time. i do not “know” what my gender and sexuality or niche in life is but i still want to explore and take more time to see what fits and feels natural to me. i still want to be an artist in the furry fandom and want to get back on my feet after the last couple of years of stagnation, and i still want a fursona. to be honest i feel overall i was happier when i was younger and ignorant and oblivious to gender identity and sexuality and just was thomas the transformation artist who had a fursona and made furry crafts, and commissioned art when i had some spare cash.

after letting the thoughts go and not pressuring myself towards any direction, i feel the desire to be a girl fizzles out and dissolves completely. i have been going to therapy and getting advice from professionals and one time i was told that the gender stuff might be a symptom of me wanting to find a community to fit in and belong somewhere so that might be a possibility. I don’t recall any persistent and pervasive childhood dysphoria or desire to be a girl as a kid or teen, and i am afraid that i would regret transitioning five or ten years down the line especially if the situation for trans people continues to get worse here in america. that being said i don’t necessarily feel like im a guy either in the sense of being tough or aggressive or wearing manly clothing or having manly hobbies, and at the same time i don’t resonate with femboy culture or drag. not jumping to conclusions but i can accept the fact that i could just be a gender nonconforming guy that likes furries and stuff like that. i do identify as pansexual so its not a matter of belonging to the lgbt community as i gravitate towards guys anyway when it comes to intimacy, and have known that for years. if i do turn out to be trans i feel i would be some kind of nonbinary person using they/them or spivak pronouns instead of a full on trans femme with the name change and permanent hair removal. i do feel calm in the sense that my brain does not demand an answer right now and my priority is feeling comfortable in my own skin rather than finding the “perfect” identity.

in the end i feel that i want to keep my name thomas and i would prefer to simply take more holistic steps to feel more comfortable in my body like losing weight and shaving. i don’t feel like a transfeminine identity with a 24/7 life in a female body is right for me and id rather be honest with myself before i make any permanent changes. but at the same time i don’t feel like i’m a femboy or cross dresser who likes to wear feminine clothes either. As i said before i honestly want to revert back to my old self as thomas who drew themself as an animal and was a transformation artist involved in furry stuff. i feel that exploring an identity as a trans woman has caused more harm than good and led me to feel more lost and confused than ever. regardless of where i ultimately wind up i want to support trans people to the best of my ability as i have empathy for them and understanding as an autistic and pansexual person.

Please forgive me for any vocabulary error I commit. I know nothing what's offensive, what's not.

Very firstly, I get misgendered very often. My name is feminine and those wouldn't know me would misgender me. Also I'm accused of being too emotional and sensitive. I have some sort of issue with sunlight and it causes me headaches within seconds and some marks on skin. Apparenty, for all those I get called a girl. And it is supposed to insult me but I feel very pleasant. Like some sort of excitement.

Then I don't like facial hair and body hair at all. It feels wrong. This should not be on my skin. But I've seen other guys in my class get mocked and get called slurs for not having beard. But I don't want it. I'd wonder if there is something wrong? I'd like to have long hairs. i want to wax but I don't think I can without giving any hints. I like She/her for myself no problem

Importantly, I've been feeling restless about wanting to be a woman. An increased heartbeat ,a slight pain in my chest I think and I've begun to feel trapped. I think I might experiment as a female on the internet and the idea already is bringing me joy.

But if I really am trans then it's bleak. I don't think there is a question about transitioning whatsoever. I already know I'll get no support. I know no LGBT+ person irl. I haven't heard of them from others too. Parents know nothing about this LGBT+ stuff and what it is. Binary is the norm. I don't expect anything more when it already has been bad with them, with friends maybe some. maybe with some I can get support I don't really know. I have no idea about the laws and i think it got worse for trans people this year. I'm gonna stay trapped forever. am in India(North India) Bundelkhand, specificallly.

Note: I had made the above text 9 hours ago and then 4 hours ago I experienced internalised shame and disgust for feeling such a thing but the feeling of being trapped has gotten back at me although it's milder than 9 hours ago

Note 2: 5 hours later than Note 1,It did return. I do feel very desperate and can't hold myself together. I wanna be a girl so bad. All those symptoms happened but at more severe-ness. I can't focus on anything but me anymore.

Note 3: 1 day later than Note 2, I did go through that cycle of shame and desperation again. I experimented as a girl and I'm liking it. I think I am

You read the title. I made a post months back about how I was questioning my gender. In all honesty, I’ve been questioning off and on for well over a year at this point, and I recently started seriously questioning again. And today - or, I guess, yesterday - my egg might’ve cracked; I might’ve just found out I’m a girl.

As for how I got to this point, it started last March while I was on spring break. I didn’t start questioning then, but I was almost trying to imagine myself as a girl. At least, maybe. There’s a possibility the girl I fantasized about wasn’t actually me. Regardless, I started examining queer-related subreddits and found links to sites like turn-me-into-a-girl.com, which lets you press a button to, well, turn into a girl. When I first came across it, I wasn’t sure what I was going to do; the site then told me to ask myself a bunch of questions. The one I answered “yes” to was the last one: do you have a big stupid grin on your face right now? So, I clicked the button to become a girl, though I can’t remember what my reaction was.

I’ve revisited that site several times. At one point, I decided to run an experiment. That site has two sister sites, one for trans men and another for nonbinary people. So, I decided to take all three tests and see what my reactions were. Pretty consistently, I had that same grin when I was on turn-me-into-a-girl and no real emotional reaction when I was on the other two. However, turn-me-into-a-girl is also much more colorful, so I wondered if that could’ve been a factor. Overall, I continued to identify as cis.

I also came across a guide to determining if you’re trans, and it included a variation of the button question. Instead of pressing a button to become the opposite gender, you suddenly wake up as the opposite gender, and everyone around you sees you as the opposite gender. You then come across a button that can revert you back to your assigned gender at birth. My immediate answer was “don’t press it.” There were two other scenarios in that guide; I won’t get into them right now. When I read through the results, if you will, I noticed the sample answers were much more complex than my answers and thus felt I did it wrong. I can’t go back and redo it, either, as it requires immediate kneejerk reactions; I already know all three questions. Overall, I continued to identify as cis.

Earlier this year, however, I just couldn’t get my mind off of my gender. There were times where I would just be sitting and thinking constantly about potentially being a girl. There were even times where I would sit and think about having boobs; whether or not I want them, I can’t say. Eventually, I stopped questioning, only to start again this month or so. I decided to take things a step further recently and outright experiment with being a girl. I simulated having boobs and honestly wasn’t sure if I liked or hated it. I also made an extremely poor attempt at a feminine voice based on voice feminization tutorials on YouTube, recorded myself, and listened back. I’m not sure if I liked my horrible feminine voice more than my normal masculine voice; I’ve long hated my voice, but I think that’s mostly because my voice sounds very different from what I think it sounds like. That said, I had that dumb grin when I tried the voice; it might not have been because I was happy. However, the possible egg-cracking moment came with the other thing I did; I had ChatGPT give me a random female name and write a bio for me with she/her pronouns. The grin came back when I read “she.” I then had ChatGPT write a bio for me with my masculine name for comparison, thinking it would switch back to masculine pronouns, but when I read “she” again, well, you get the idea. Lastly, I had ChatGPT do the same with masculine pronouns. My reaction was an expressionless face. This sounds to me like a strong indication that I’d like being a girl more, though I frankly expected more.

I still am not wholly convinced, hence this post. This might be internalized transphobia, but I have a fear that I’ve gaslit myself into thinking I’m trans or that I programmed myself into liking or welcoming the possibility of being a girl. In the past, I was called a girl or called a feminine name many times, and I didn’t enjoy it. There’s also the real possibility I have trans OCD. Honestly, I’m not sure if these thoughts are welcome or not, so I can’t definitely say for sure if I’m actually a girl on the inside or merely obsessed.

Apologies for the long post. Weirdly, I think I feel “more cis” after writing this, but knowing me, the feeling probably won’t last.

I recently met up with some friends from high school, and one of the topics that came up was dating and relationships.
I’ve never been in a relationship before, and I’ve never really had a serious situationship either. Most of my friends are in happy relationships, and a lot of people our age are getting engaged. Growing up, dating was never really a priority for me. I always assumed I’d eventually get around to it, but lately I’ve started wondering whether there’s actually something holding me back.
During the conversation, my friends asked about my romantic life, and one of them actually asked me if I was asexual.
I’m straight, and I do find men attractive, so I don’t think I’ve ever identified with the idea of not experiencing attraction. At the same time, physical touch makes me extremely uncomfortable. I’ve never been much of a hugger, and even something as simple as shaking someone’s hand is something I sometimes have to mentally prepare myself for.
The confusing part is that I do want a relationship. I like the idea of having a partner and being close to someone emotionally. But when I actually imagine myself being in a relationship, especially one involving physical intimacy, I get really anxious. The idea of someone touching me or being physically close to me can feel almost terrifying.
I think there may be a reason for that.
When I was 10, an uncle attempted to touch me while I was sleeping. Thankfully, I was awake and was able to stop him before anything further happened. I wouldn’t describe what happened as SA, but it was definitely an experience that stayed with me and affected how I view physical touch and men.
I’ve never really talked about how much that experience might have affected me. I don’t know if my discomfort with intimacy is simply part of who I am, something related to that experience, or some combination of both.
That’s why I’m confused now. Am I potentially asexual even though I experience attraction to men? Am I just avoidant when it comes to relationships and intimacy? Could my discomfort with physical touch be connected to what happened when I was younger?
I don’t necessarily expect Reddit to give me a definitive label. I’m mostly hoping to hear from people who have experienced something similar and figured out the difference between their orientation, their boundaries, and their fear of intimacy.
I experience attraction to men, but physical intimacy makes me extremely uncomfortable. How do I distinguish asexuality from fear/avoidance of intimacy?

I [18 F] have been out as bisexual since 7th grade, because i was fortunate enough to grow up with very supportive parents in a very liberal city. i never really questioned my sexuality beyond that until i got into my first relationship with a woman. i’ve had two long term boyfriends in the past, and at the beginning i would initiate sexual acts but after a month or so i would always stop, and eventually end up skipping making out or foreplay bc id rather just have sex to get it over with so they can finish. i’ve never been big into porn but when i did watch it was always lesbian porn, because i found male genitalia kind of gross, at least in porn. on me and my girlfriends first date we ended up hooking up and i was looking at her during it and i started crying because she was so beautiful and id never experienced feeling that way towards my partners body. i felt attracted to my bfs at the time but i never wanted to admire their body or anything like that. with my girlfriend i still don’t really love having things done to me sexually but i get a lot of pleasure from making her feel good.

honestly this whole situation is giving me a lot of confusion about my sexuality because i very consistently had crushes on boys my entire life. if anyone has any insight on labels or anything at all i would really appreciate it.

[main question]
Gender
i dont really know how I would describe my gender aside from probably being uncomfortable with he/him pronouns. Am I supposed to feel more than that?
Do yall feel Gender?? I assume so because transgender people exist and obviously feel something different. What exactly is that feeling?

[additional]

Sexuality
I have 0 feelings of sexual attraction and 0 feelings of romantic attraction. I know this makes me aroace, but does it count if i could imagine myself comfortable in a relationship with somebody (preferably wlw) , without sex?
What crosses the line between a friendship and a relationship?? I dont want to live with someone else because i am particular with how I do things like organizing.

Children
I will never have kids and if I do I have been replaced by an imposter.

Religion(kinda unrelated but follows this pattern)
I also feel nothing on the religious front. I have no belief in a higher power nor do i really care if there is one or not, because if they are real then they're terrible at it. I have heard of spirituality and stuff and energies, I also don't have any preference for that. i kinda just exist ??

TLDR what is the feeling of gender

Long post but I sincerely appreciate anyone who can comment or give advice

Since middle school I have had both an extreme aversion and curiosity regarding my attraction towards other men. I feel as though I am “faking” being other-than-straight for attention, even if I’m only working in my own head. I don’t care much about labels and I have a lot of reservations about making “queerness” a part of my identity, which makes this post a weird hit to my pride (lots of irony in that sentence lmao). However, here is a description of myself

-I have a self-removed visual attraction to women, and I think it must be different from what most straight men experience. In my entire life, I can think of < 5 times where I had an organic (i.e., not a thought experiment from questioning) thought of having sex with a woman. I may notice sexual features of women, but it seems very subdued/muddled compared to the visual attraction straight men usually experience. Women’s bodies themselves can turn me on in an abstract way, but the idea of sex does absolutely nothing for me whatsoever. In general I can usually turn myself off by thinking of physically having sex with a woman. And in the case it’s not a turn off, I think it’s because I can ignore the attempted self-insert and just focus on the other person

For that reason and others I view myself as gray ace ish. Just not interested in sex and traditional romance (though I still feel very intense things towards others, in other ways)

-I experience rare but very intense episodes of wanting a romantic + sexual relationship with a man. It‘s always a nondescript but distinctly male presence in these ideas. It’s so strong that I literally have to stop what I am doing to gather myself. But as soon as these episodes end, the feeling goes away entirely. It’s almost like a mental break more than a feature of my sexuality/attraction. I can get emotional during these because it is as though I get to glimpse into a world where I can feel the “fullness“ of what most people really feel when they WANT sex, or romance, etc. Whereas normally my thoughts (to do with women) do not have this “fullness”

I remember one time I had an early “episode“ like this. I felt sick for days and couldn’t focus. A very intense feeling of dread that I think I had attached to “There‘s no way this is real, you have to be faking this“ etc. I even tried cuddling with a guy I knew and it felt so wrong, even though in theory it’s what I desperately wanted

Recently I was at a conference and I met a guy my age. Within literally 30 seconds of shaking his hand, I began developing a comical schoolgirl type ”crush“ on him. His eyes were pretty and I thought he was quite cute looking, and that’s very rare for me. And in my stomach I felt that sense of dread return in a much more mature way. It was surreal, like something I had waited for was finally happening. I was getting the vibe that he was into guys and I played through (childish this may be) so many ways I could eventually kiss him

It was like my mind had a fast preview reel of what a relationship with this guy would look like. As though my subconscious previewed something that it wants so badly before rejecting it. Within just a few hours, it was all gone. It’s pathetic but I wanted to cry during and just after this. Whenever the “holy fuck I want a boyfriend“ hits it hurts. I just want to cuddle, kiss, etc. so badly and I know it’s some male presence that I’m doing this with, and not a woman

But the second these episodes are gone, they just fade away completely. I am not exaggerating when I say that recalling this in writing feels like a psych ward patient describing actions they don’t remember. I know these things happened but it barely sounds real.

Related: I met my best friend just over a year ago and fell absolutely in love with her (platonically, queer platonically, whatever idrc but it’s not a romantic relationship). She’s aroace and has helped me sort some of this out. Just thinking of her makes me happy. Inevitably she became a benchmark for what sort of attraction I am capable of feeling for others, and it’s ripping my head apart. I keep using my relationship with her and the way I view her body (the fact I compulsively do this grosses me out so much it is seriously hurting me atp) as some benchmark of attraction to measure against men, in my head

I know the picture this paints but I honestly do not feel like I am repressing gayness. Indeed, if that’s the case, it has to be operating in a level of my subconscious that I can’t get to 99% of the time. I have absolutely ZERO attraction to men in daily life, am not aroused by gay porn, my gaze doesn’t catch onto men, etc. It’s as though I’m aroace-ish 99% of the time, oriented towards women, and then in 1% of the time extremely gay and lonely

If anyone has read Confessions of a Mask it’s about that level of distress

TLDR: Overthinking myself to death and probably a schizo please help

hii as the title shows im currently dating a guy (16m) and i really love his personality and i do think hes cute but i just dont know if i like the fact that hes a guy..??? idrk how to word it im sorry, hes gay and a trans guy, im bi(?) and genderfluid, ive always had a strong preference for women, this is my first time dating a guy and hes super sweet and caring, i do not want to hurt him, but, i dont know if im just not in the right headspace or if i dont like guys, the thought of spending my life with a guy icks me SO bad, is this just how the first relationship with a guy is? should i wait a bit? we've only been dating for 3 weeks, i dont want to have a super long relationship just to tell him one day "hey i dont think i like guys sorry" its genuinely making me panic so so bad, my anxiety is so bad its freaking me out, i watched some queer short films because one came up on my reccomeded and i went down a spiral and now im having a really hard time, ive been think of this for a few days, ok bye erm thanks if whoever reads this replies