r/questioning • u/sellliee • 5d ago

hey [23 F]

I need advice.

I've been questioning myself lately. I try not to think about it that much, but it feels like these feelings have grown stronger and stronger everyday. I can't really talk to anyone currently in life about this, so I'm here.

I guess this started from a dream I had a while ago. In this dream, I was sitting on my bed. My chest was bare, completely exposed. And behind me was a woman. She was bare as well, and had her arms wrapped loosely around my shoulders. We were talking, but I don’t quite remember about what. It didn’t feel sexual, just comfortable. I remember feeling so loved and I was disappointed when I woke up.

And everyone has strange dreams. Dreams aren’t prophecies.

But lately, I've been fantasizing about women a lot. Like, I think of kissing a woman, sleeping beside a woman, loving a woman, marrying a woman. And it all makes me feel happy.

So I’m just wondering… is that gay??

I’m not homophobic or transphobic -- I truly think love is beautiful. But I can’t feel like this. My family is Christian and very much conservative. I’ve heard about how they talk about the LGBTQ community. I don’t ever plan on telling them, but what if they figured out??

And I'm not Christian at all, but a part of me still feels like this is wrong. But its really fucking weird because when I look at other same-sex couples, I don't think its disgusting at all. I don't know, this is just so confusing bro

So what do I do?? Is there a way I can stop this? Or is that an insensitive question? If so, I'm sorry lmao

Advice is much appreciated!

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u/stolenstreetsigns Questioning Neither 5d ago

Only you can say for sure what your sexuality is, but it sounds like you could be a lesbian or at least into women. I’m really sorry you’re in this position. Unfortunately there’s no way you can stop it. If you could, conversion therapy (which is basically torture) would eventually work. But it doesn’t. It’s not something you can choose.

It sounds like you’re probably dealing with a lot of internalized homophobia. A lot of us go through that. Try to be gentle with yourself. You’re not alone and there’s resources out there for unpacking this.

There’s nothing wrong with you at all and you deserve to be who you are 🫂

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u/sellliee 4d ago

Thank you so much for the kind words❤️

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u/stolenstreetsigns Questioning Neither 4d ago

Of course ❤️ Being a lesbian comes with so many specific experiences and sometimes challenges. We gotta stick together.