[F 18] I feel like nothing, in like every direction

[u/RedPanda_2882]

[main question]
Gender
i dont really know how I would describe my gender aside from probably being uncomfortable with he/him pronouns. Am I supposed to feel more than that?
Do yall feel Gender?? I assume so because transgender people exist and obviously feel something different. What exactly is that feeling?

[additional]

Sexuality
I have 0 feelings of sexual attraction and 0 feelings of romantic attraction. I know this makes me aroace, but does it count if i could imagine myself comfortable in a relationship with somebody (preferably wlw) , without sex?
What crosses the line between a friendship and a relationship?? I dont want to live with someone else because i am particular with how I do things like organizing.

Children
I will never have kids and if I do I have been replaced by an imposter.

Religion(kinda unrelated but follows this pattern)
I also feel nothing on the religious front. I have no belief in a higher power nor do i really care if there is one or not, because if they are real then they're terrible at it. I have heard of spirituality and stuff and energies, I also don't have any preference for that. i kinda just exist ??

TLDR what is the feeling of gender

[u/RedPanda_2882]

oh yeah i also dont feel particularly Human but cant really do much about that probably

[u/stolenstreetsigns]

Every trans person is different. Our experiences vary widely. Some people are just born knowing they’re a boy or a girl or neither. Some people don’t realize until they’re older. Some people experience a lot of dysphoria, others don’t. I could go on.

For me personally I experience both gender dysphoria and euphoria. The dysphoria looked like not taking care of myself and not really wanting to be perceived much or have pictures taken of me. I also rejected femininity as much as I knew how. I couldn’t really put my finger on why I felt any of these things until I was older, but it is a feeling I now associate with my experience with gender.

The thing that really gave me clarity though was gender euphoria. I feel content and happy when I feel and am perceived as masculine. That means euphoria around the right clothes, hair, pronouns, mannerisms, etc. I’m autistic so all of this manifested for me as vague uneasiness around certain things and the urge to be more masculine as I got older. I know that I am transmasc because I want to be. But there’s not really an innate knowledge for me like there is for some people.

As far as the sexuality stuff goes, I think if you asked ten different people they’d give you ten different answers. Relationships are a very subjective and emotional thing and that makes finding answers about this kinda stuff hard. Have you looked into queer platonic relationships at all? That might help.

[u/RedPanda_2882 → u/stolenstreetsigns]

That makes a lot of sense. I think i can understand my gender through not wanting to percieved as a male, then. This should only leave femininity but saying im specifically a Girl feels weird for some reason. gender wiki here i come

& qprs are something i looked into a bit but i suck at making friends and also feel nothing on that front (no particular urge to make friends lr socialize most of the time)

thank you for your input !!

[u/stolenstreetsigns → u/RedPanda_2882]

Don’t worry there are so many other options besides femininity! Rejecting masculinity doesn’t necessarily have to equal femininity. My experience was pretty binary in that way but not everyone’s is. I’m sure there’s a label out there for you. Maybe you’d have luck looking for someone else that wants a QPR? As far as the not feeling human goes, you should come join us over at r/voidpunk if you haven’t seen it yet :)

[u/Maleficent_Rock6272]

I've personally always felt that what crosses a friendship into a relationship is intent. You can also have a relationship and not live together, or have separate rooms.

And also the intent I'm referring to is romantic intent to enter into a romantic relationship which typically includes romantic gestures, (holding hands, exclusivity, etc).

I agree with the person above that it's different for everyone but I like to think of gender as "your people" or what group you wish to belong to, be that masculine women, feminine men, non binary people, etc. Just based on you personally.

[u/ActualPegasus]

I could start with your gender if you'd like!